URPG Stories Chat and Feedback

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

If anybody is interested, I have put my story, "Until Death," as an example. It won me the Winter Writing Competition '08, and it also shows a non-conventional way of "capturing" the Pokemon at the end. It's sort of an example that the Pokemon don't have to be captured in a Poke Ball or some contraption.

Here: http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=59677

Also, I'll be grading some stories tomorrow. :3

- Kat

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

As much as I love Deadpool-esque fourth wall breaking, I do have to agree it doesn't seem very appropriate here. Perhaps, however, you could break the fourth wall in the sense that you mention this being a story, however I wouldn't let your characters do that, just the narrator.

I don't really have much to add to what Senzura said, other than that it would be a nice story to read once it's cleaned up

Also, I would refrain from referencing God. Perhaps 'some act of Arceus' would fit better?

And, as a final note, I would also refrain from YouTube links in the stories. They just look a bit messy, is all.

EDIT: This isn't about Kat's, it's about Kris'

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Glad youll be grading ill have my up tommorow. Hahaha

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Also, I was wondering if I could please have a few comments on my piece:
http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=59512

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

I agree about the youtube links in the story. ^^; It seems unprofessional or, someone could argue, lazyness for using a video to set the mood of the scene instead of description or dialogue. It's sort of like an author posting a picture of their characater instead of actually describing the character. However, there's nothing wrong with posting some music links before or after the story and say, "Hey, readers! Listening to this music can really set the mood for the chapter/story!"

The "God" thing, in my opinion, it's personal preference. I personally have fun writing things like, "Oh, Mew..." "By Arceus' mane!" or something like that. xDDD

- Kat

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Ah, I remember enjoying this one. <3 I probably should have remembered to put it up with the first batch.

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Guess I'll remind everybody to please give graders at least one week before you request a grade for your story in this thread. Otherwise it'll get all cluttered 'n junk in here.

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Could some users give me some feedback on this random story I just came up with?

http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?p=1534567#post1534567

Im not asking for a grade just so you know Galleon =)

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

That's good. OTHERWISE I'DA HAD TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC.

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Would you say it'd be a...
*takes off sunglasses*
...Grade A punishment?

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
[/CSI Miami]

Actually, that's a very good point. Maybe not for all stories, but it does seem like it could add another layer of depth. It shouldn't replace descriptions, though, of course.

Okay, Senzura, here's my comments:

It's a nice story, and with a few touchups would be brilliant!

However, there quite a few spelling and grammatical errors in the story, as evidenced predominantly by the line: "apparently couldn’t taje the sight apparently." Additionally, I found it hard to understand the father sometimes, and the use of the word 'retarded' as an insult to the town just felt a little misguided. Perhaps 'backwards' would have been a better, less offending word. Also, the final line: "I was just as surprised," doesn't have a full stop nor an exclamation point, and it doesn't specify as to what Harrison was surprised 'as.' Surprised as what?

And, a final small thing, you used the word 'Kitten,' however I don't think kittens exist in the Pokemon world. They might, though, as worms exist in the anime, but I just thought I'd point it out.

Anyway, it's a nice idea for a story, but work needs to be put into the grammar, sorry. I'd love to read it when fixed.

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

I just put my first one up, I'd like to hear some thoughts. Yes, I started Hard. Good lord 22k characters i more than I thought.
http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=59694

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Thanks for the feedback. I wasn't really quite sure how to progress from the opening to be honest into an epic showdown with a Magikarp, if that's even possible

But yeah. The main idea of the introduction was sowing the seeds of Hoppyfred's irrational fears for later adventures (with hopefully some better battles)!

Cool, thanks also for feedback! And yeah, I really didn't think that a huge titanic struggle with a Magikarp was very fitting

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

It would've been quite amusing, having a titanic battle ;D would've added comedic value, especially as it's a Magikarp lololol.

ALSO, do we have to say 'Ready for grading' before graders will even consider grading our stories?

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Heh, perhaps. Getting owned by Splash.

Wouldn't really bode well for future adventures though

And I don't think you have to say 'Read for Grading', but it probably makes it a bit clearer that you want it grading.

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

I generally put Ready for Grading in the title when I've finished a story... although that doesn't happen often.

However, I think it's pretty much up to personal preference.

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Well, folks, as you can probably tell, we could use some more graders, so I'd just like to point out that, if you're interested in becoming one, then you should read this thread to learn how.

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

I'm still waiting for a grader, but until then, just wondering if anyone is interesting in reading this:

http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=59169

Its my first story here, and I'm not sure if I did it justice or not. Can anyone spare two cents?

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Ill give it a go

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Great stuff, thanks.

 

Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

Drive! vs. Sneasel review



Story and Plot

The story was original, staying from the normal "See, battle, catch" story. However the story was pretty much just the encounter and not much else.

It was kinda similar to many cliche plot lines because of that Im afraid.


Description

I loved your desciption in the beginning

That was just amazing

However after the beginning, your description changed from locational to character description and situational description. You need to stay consistant, or else the audience forgets the great description of the frozen area in the middle of the story.

Grammer

Not much to complain about here

This sentence is a run-on. Change ears, three to ears along with three. Better yet make it two sentences.

Change that to "The most probable reason.....

There were a few typos here and there, so run it through a spellchecker.

Length:

Unfortunately, Swinub is a medium pokemon, which needs AT A MINIMUM 10K characters. WITH SPACES yours only has 9300. Lengthen it a bit.


Battle

The Battle was very descriptive, very rare for a first story. However it was also very one sided. You gave plenty of room for the sneasel to play a fast one with Swinub, but you never took advantage of it. He could, say, threaten the swinub, which would prompt the main character to really think on his feet! That would make the battle seem like less of a DS battle, yah know?


Verdict:
In my opinion Swinub not Captured. This is ONLY because of the length of the story. Add, say, 3000 characters to the story? Be sure to put them in the battle, where the story really needs them.