Wurmplezilla

Yasai sighed as he sat hunched over in his cubicle, staring at his computer monitor. His boss needed him to finish his part of the company's project by the end of the day, but Yasai had no clue how he would finish it in time. Yasai pulled on his black, curly hair out of frustration, he gazed at the screen.

*k-shuu...*

Yasai lost focus from his work for a second at the sudden sound. He got up and went down the line of cubicles to look out the building's window. His inquisitive face quickly changed to an expression of horror. The skyscraper across the road from his workplace had been knocked down. Behind it was a towering behemoth. The monster was a 100 foot tall worm-like creature. The beast had a white front-side covered in debris from the building it annihilated, a red backside covered in yellow spikes, and feelers moving around at the border between the two halves. The gargantuan worm's glimmering black and yellow eye turned toward Yasai. The businessman knew he had to run.

Yasai pumped his arms up and down as he sprinted as fast as he could to the elevator. He mashed the down button, hyperventilating as he waited for the elevator to arrive. All of a sudden, the room became very bright. Yasai looked up. The roof was gone. At the back of the room, Yasai noticed the abomination leering over the side of the building.

Yasai didn't have time to wait for the elevator. He flung open the nearby door and dashed through it. Yasai now stood in the middle of a stairwell. He ran down the hard, gray, concrete stairs, fumbling as his suit hindered his agility. He mentally prayed for his own safety as his swift footsteps echoed up and down the stairwell. His footsteps were soon drowned out by screaming coming from one of the upper floors; the monster must have landed another blow on the building.

As Yasai ran further down the stairs, he began to hear footsteps coming from above him. His colleagues must have been following suit. All of a sudden, the staircase got dark. Yasai glanced up as he continued to descend, and his heart sunk. The worm gazed down through the vertical room, ready to attack. It dived straight down through the stairwell. Yasai looked down for a second. There was no way he would reach the bottom before the beast. The worm crashed through floor after floor, breaking all the stairs in his path. Right before it reached Yasai, Yasai jumped up and grabbed one of the yellow spikes protruding from the behemoth's hide.

Yasai clung onto the spike for his dear life as the monster's head plowed through the stairwell. Yasai felt a hefty crash as the beast hit the ground. The worm tunneled through a wall and left through it. Yasai let go and rolled as he hit the ground. He gazed up. His workplace was in ruins. The entire building was nothing but a pile of rubble. He looked in the other direction. The worm was running toward another building to demolish. Yasai couldn't do anything about it. The only person he could save was himself. Yasai ran off in the opposite direction to head for the parking garage. He was safe. He escaped the monster alive.

Character count: 3097
Target: Wurmple (Easiest 3k-5k)

 

Claim!!

 

Story and Plot:

Your intro was short, but that's fine considering the overall length of your story. What I like in it is a quick contextualization of the scene that makes the readers quickly think of the scene. The fast transition to the conflict is also great, because that keeps the readers interested.

The story as a whole was quite simple. It is a man escaping the wrath of a giant Wurmple monster. As a story of the Easiest rank, your story works, but there are a lot of possible extensions you can use to add more to the story (which you will definitely need in the higher ranks.).

When it comes to those monsters, you can try exploring more to it. What is the monster's origin? Why is the monster rampaging? How can it be stopped?

For the humans, you must play with their reactions to this type of conflict. More screamings and probably more casualties can work. But don't always play the victims as just mere weak species. You can make them strive on how to solve the conflict rather than running away from it. If you're more into drama, you can create internal conflict within the characters to add more obstacles and not make the story a bit too straightforward.

As for your story in itself, it's good! It seems like it's a middle part of a larger monster-fic, a fic that you can create once you flesh out the details.

Detail:

The story is quite bleak with the detail. Yasai wasn't even that described aside from the curly black hair and the suit. I imagined him in my head as a standard Japanese salaryman, so if that's what you were aiming for, that is fine. However, if you were aiming for something in particular, you must increase the detail.

As for the Wurmplezilla, I like how you didn't use the word Pokemon in the story or even called it a Wurmple, which helped in the mood of the story, because the word somehow waves its monstrous quality off. Now, the Wurmplezilla seemed like a legitimate monster, something that works with you in the story.

This is a bit nitpicky, but describing Wurmplezilla as a 100-foot creature is a bit off-putting because it kinda implies that whoever described it has a knack for measuring things easily. You could always say it "was larger than a building" or other similar comparisons. In general, try to avoid numerical descriptions unless for plural count nouns (like five apples, three lemons, or six days). Also, use words instead of numbers (one over 1), because it becomes consistent with the whole story, plus it adds up to your CC.

Length:

You pass in this section, but extensions and fleshing out of details can work well for your story, as mentioned above.

Inclusion of Pokemon:

Another pass here, as the cause of conflict in the story.

Conclusion:

This is a short grade for a short story. The story all in all is good, and this can be improved if you were attempting for higher ranks. Wurmple captured!