Wouldn't it be sweet?

"Yo, gurl, I'mma win you one of these things. Whut'chu wanna get?" the young adult asked his girlfriend with as much swagger as McJagger. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders as she looked up at him and smiled.

Although they had just arrived here a few moments ago, the night was well underway, and the true carnival atmosphere was in full swing. Brilliant fluorescent lights and signs beckoned to the young couple from each and every one of the many stands surrounding them. The night was full of screams of mirth as the huge spinning wheel spun around and around and the other attractions twisted and turned, spinning the young people around. From the stand to the left of Kyle and his new girlfriend Kyle a young man with a checkered suit, bowler cap and a cheeky grin tried to draw them in.

"Come on, buddy, win something for ya gal over here. Pretty thing like her needs pretty things, huh?" Violet blushed, but couldn't help but give the man a dazzling pearly-white smile. It was true, she was a very attractive young woman, but she had a certain childish love of things pink and fluffy. Ever since a young age she collected all manners of pink and purple and all typical girly shaded objects: teddy bears and dolls and even a little mobile phone of her own. It was a silly little thing, but she just couldn't resist typical girly things.

"How about some of these here Goldeen?" the man suggested, ointing at the little orange fish swimming around in an oddly-shaped tank. One of the fish looked as though it had a horn protruding from its head and seemed to be wearing red lipstick giving the Pokemon a very comical loo indeed.

"On, noooo," Violet purred. "Those fish give me the heebie jeebies! Have you got anything... uh, I dunno, like pink?" she asked with that radiant smile.

"Pink, m'dear? Why, of course! I have the finest thing this side of the Yankies, y'know. It's one o' my prized possessions, but I'll let a pretty little thing like you take a peak."

The man gave her a wink and turned around. He started to walk to the other end of the stall where a dirty caravan was parked and clambered on inside. Violet looked at her boyfriend as he gave her a perplexed look.

"You really want something pink? Ain't you a little old for that," he laughed, nudging her. "I'mma get you it anyway, though. Just no more flirting with this sleaze bag, yeah?"

Violet gave him a shove as the man at the stall returned carrying something in his two hands. As he drew closer Violet could see it a little more clearly. It was definitely a pink Pokemon alright. Its rounded body was a very mild shade of pink and it had adorable large black eyes that looked up at her curiously. The Pokemon had a tiny red tongue lolling out of its mouth and it gave a little squeal of delight. Violet almost started squealing herself - this Pokemon was perfect! It reminded her of everything she cared for as a child, and it was just so darn cute, like most of the Fairy type Pokemon that Violet found herself fond of.

"Oh, she likes that alright, don't ya girly?"

"Yes, it's so cute!" she exclaimed, smiling up at her boyfriend. He gave her a big grin and turned his attention to the stall owner.

"How much is it then?" he asked, pulling the wallet out of his back pocket.

"Ah, well, it's not for sale. Sorry, pretty lady, but this Pokemon means a lot to me, and I wouldn't part with her so easily," the carnival man said, placing his bowler hat on the stall and looking up at her sadly. "Unless..."

"Unless what?" Violet asked quickly, her eyes lighting up once more. Her boyfriend looked at the stall owner with suspicion in his eyes, but agreed to hear what the man wanted in return anyway.

"You a betting man, buddy?" he asked Kyle. His face was alight with glee, and Kyle was a little wary.

"Terms?"

"We'll place a li'l wager, yeah? You win, you get to have my prized Swrilix free of charge. Sound good, huh? But if I win, I get to go on a date with this fine little Missy. Sound good to you friend?"

Kyle was about to blow him off. No way was Miranda worth bargaining over a little Pokemon that looked extremely useless. But, Violet cut ahead of him.

"We'll do it," she said, eyes on the little Swirlix as it hopped from one foot to the other on the stall, dancing for Miranda. Kyle, being the sucker for her that he was, agreed to it.

"What's your game?"

"Why a Pokemon battle of course! If you even have a Pokemon on you friend," the man grinned, placing the bowler cap on his head once again. "In fact, I'll even go nice and easy on ya. I'll use this here Swirlix and you can use any one Pokemon you have on you. Winner takes all."

When Kyle had agreed to his terms, the three moved away from the stall and out behind one of the quieter stalls. The ground was littered with hot dog wrappers and old soda cans, but at least it was relatively empty over this side. Kyle gave Miranda a confident grin and released his Pokemon with a flick of his wrist.The Pokeball stopped mid-air and expelled a beam of light before returning to Kyle's hand. The Charmander materialized before him. The orange bipedal lizard let out a roar of delight, eager for battle, while his lit tail swung backwards and forwards.

The fluffy Swrilix looked rather minuscule next to the Fire type starter Pokemon, but it certainly didn't loo afraid. Swirlix let out a cutesy little growl, puffing her chest up as she stood there beside her owner. Kyle and the stall owner exchanged a glance, eyeing each other up. It was true what they said about Pokemon battles: half the battle was psychological. It was very true that if you started a Pokemon battle in the wrong frame of mind, you'd have one hell of a time working alongside your Pokemon, and nine times out of ten the battle would swing against you at all turns.

"Charmander, use your Ember attack!" Kyle said, taking the lead. Starting the battle was always tough, but someone had to do it.

Charmander stretched his jaw open and made a little running start, before jumping about two feet into the air and spitting out a burst of flames at Swirlix. The little cotton-candy-like Pokemon gracefully hopped to the side and did a dainty little twirl, avoiding all of the incoming embers. The stall owner gave Kyle a broad grin.

"Who says size matters, eh?" he shouted at the mesmerized Violet, winking at her. Kyle was getting a little irked by this stage, but knew better than to let any anger get in his way. "Swirlix, why don't you just sit there and look as pretty as you can for that pretty number over there." Swirlix, dropped onto her bottom on command, giggling as Violet cooed.

"Alright, Charmander, let's wreck this sitting duck with a Tail Whip. Don't show any mercy!"

Charmander nodded and started running towards Swirlix once again. As he approached the serene little Fairy type, he spun around suddenly, tail stretching forward. Swirlix, with reflexes like a Delcatty, puffed its body out, coating herself in a mass of fluff. The tail brushed off the wool surrounding the Swirlix, seemingly dealing no damage to the Swirlix.

"What the-"

"Cotton Guard, m'boy!" the cocky man said before Kyle could even finish. "It's quite nifty, but then again, so am I," he said, grinning at Violet. Violet, meanwhile, was starting to look a little uncomfortable. This stall owner seemed to be a much more experienced battler and it seemed likely that she'd be forced to go on a date with him as well as lose out on this darling Swirlix if she didn't intervene quickly.

"Swirlix, give that big ol' lizard a Draining Kiss just like the one I'll be giving the lucky lady over there!" the owner commanded, once again grinning like a Cheshire cat. The adorable little Swirlix hopped forward, pouting her lips as she advanced towards Charmander.

"Stop it dead with a Metal Claw, Charmander!" Kyle retaliated, getting more irate as this battle raged onwards. Charmander stood his ground as the pink puffball hopped towards him, lips extended about as menacingly as this Swirlix could manage, which, as you'd image, was not a whole lot. When the Swirli was just a few feet away, Charmander raised his claws above his head, and they shode a little in the bright surrounding lights. Charmander then made his move, slashing wildly with his claws, but it was too late. The Swirlix dove to the side, landing on one of the half-crushed cans that lay on the long-dead grass. Using this makeshift-bed as a springboard, Swirlix bounded up towards Charmander and placed his lips on the Fire Pokemon's cheeks.

Charmander yowled in pain as the Swirlix clung on, sucking energy from the Charmander, swinging about wildly all the while as Charmander tried to pry the Pokemon off.

The Swirlix's owner burst out laughing as he watched the Charmander swinging about wildly, trying to knock the elusive little Fairy type off of him. "You know what they say, don't ya boy? The bigger they are, the harder they-" his voice was cut short by a loud sonorous clanging sound, followed by a loud thump as the stall owner's body hit the grassy verge. Swirlix's eyes grew large with fear as she looked towards her master, wondering if he would be alright. She saw Violet standing there, pan in hand, breathing heavily. The pan fell to the ground with a clatter.

Charmander took this moment to knock the Swirlix from his face, sharp claws piercing the little Fairy type's flesh, digging in deep, before sending her crashing into the grass. Kyle grabbed onto his Charmander, holding him back as he made for the Fairy type Pokemon again, snarling at it.

"Return, Charmander," Kyle said, brandishing the Pokeball once more, before he advanced on Violet. "What did you do?" he demanded, looking at the cheesy man lying on the grass, clearly unconscious. His eyes lingered on the frying pan by his head and gave her a reproachful look. "Where did you even get that?"

Violet guiltily pointed towards the nearest stand, where several more frying pans and some plates lay unattended. They were designed to be art of some rigged tossing game no doubt.

"We really should get out of here," Kyle said, glancing at the man's body just lying there face-down on the ground. Violet nodded, head bowed shamefully. It was pretty clear she was regretting what she did, and couldn't bare to look at Kyle right now. He was a little apprehensive too, to be quite honest. "What should we do with the Swirlix?" he asked, pointing at the little pink shape on the grass, unmoving. "We can't just leave it here - it could get stolen from any one of the shady people we saw by the Ferris wheel earlier. Who knows what they'd do to something like this? Maybe we should just take it with us since it could have been ours anyway, right?"

"No." Violet was pretty adamant about this. "I feel really bad about all of this. You go on ahead and wait for me by the main gate and I'll be with you in two minutes. I can't just leave them here, and I don't want you to get involved."

"Bu-"

After Kyle had left, Violet dragged the creepy stall owner over the grassy verge as best as she could before leaving him under one of the stalls. Then, when he was neatly hidden from view, she turned towards the Swirlix and she gave the little Fairy type that dazzling smile she was so used to showing.

"You would have been oh-so perfect in my room," she muttered, looking down at it sadly. But, I've got just the place for you," she added with one final serene smile. She scooped the Pokemon up and she approached the initial stall, where she saw a machine much like the one she had in her room.

"Wouldn't fresh cotton candy be so delightful?" she wondered aloud, placing the Swirlix in the machine and flipping the switch at the bottom. "

It really has been too long since I've had cotton candy," she admitted as the machine hummed into life.

 

Rank: Medium
CC: 11,827

 

Claiming.

 

No, but actually deciding to unclaim this story. Quite busy.

Perhaps, @Elysia; ?

 

NOPE. MIIIIIINE. ELYSIA CANNOT HAVE. Will have grade up probably today because I'm bored, but this is me posting to claim so Elysia can't claim. <333333

YOU'RE COOL & ALL, ELYSIA, BUT FELLY NEEDS MONAYYY TOO. ;3

 

yeah elysia sucks!

 

@Synthesis; ONE DOWN, ONE TO GO. <33333

Introduction
Oh, gosh, these people are nutters. Really bloody nutters. Creepy carnival, creepy people, creepy everything! But really, it was an easy to follow plot. Creepy couple goes to the creepy carnival, creepy girlfriend wants something pink, creepy stall owner has battle with creepy boyfriend for Swirlix, creepy girlfriend beats creepy stall owner with pan, creepy girlfriend makes the Swirlix into cotton candy.

CREEEEEEPY.

But it was nice to read, honestly. Your opening sentence also made me laugh. xDD I was like "I'm done." But not really though because I had to read on to grade this properly, and I need money, so yeah. Nothing really to get on you about here; I didn't see any plot holes or anything, so let's move on!

Detail
Descriptions of things were good~ Pokemon, characters, their surroundings, those were all good. It would've been nice if there had been more description on Kyle, the creepy carnival man, and the girlfriend with many names (which I will touch on momentarily, by the way) like hair and eye color since those are never really specified, or what they're wearing. You described the girlfriend with many names as a "very attractive young woman," but what exactly made her attractive, at least in Kyle's eyes, or even to the creepy carnival man?

Speaking of the girlfriend, I noticed you addressed her by two different names: Violet and Miranda. I'm not sure if it was intentional or if you'd started out with one name and switched to the other or if you just weren't sure which name you liked better, but the switching between the two names could've been confusing had this story been longer. That's not to say that it couldn't get confusing in a shorter story, just that with only three characters, it was easier to put two and two together and realize that Violet and Miranda were basically the same person, just you used two different names.

Another point I'd like to make here is that there wasn't really much protest from Kyle about helping Violet. It was just "bu-" and then "oh, Kyle left, okay." What did Violet say after she presumably cut him off? I think some more detail here would've been nice instead of just having Kyle start to protest, Violet presumably cut him off, and then just skipping straight to Violet cleaning up her mess.

Grammar
There's nothing really serious I feel the need to point out here. A proofread can catch a good chunk of the mistakes you've made, which didn't seem like very many from when I read through it. They were minor things that I'm not going to put too much effort into pointing out partially because this is a Medium ranked story and partially because there's not really any reason to.

I did, however, want to point out this specific line because it was towards the beginning of your story, the end of the second paragraph to be specific, and it caught my eye since it was so close to the beginning. The wording just sounded really weird, and it seemed like there was a male Kyle and then his girlfriend's name was also Kyle, which wasn't the case as her name is Violet (or maybe it's Miranda xD for the sake of the grade, I'll just call her Violet from here on out). I think what you were aiming for was "From the stand to the left of Kyle and his new girlfriend, a young man with a checkered suit, bowler cap, and a cheeky grin tried to draw them in." Basically just removing the second instance of Kyle and adding a comma (or two). I had to read it a couple times to grasp it, so yeah.

Climax
Go, go, bet!!! So they move to creepy area and it becomes Charmander versus Swirlix. Nice, well rounded battle, really. I liked how Kyle's emotions grew from patience and not wanting to get annoyed to just annoyed as the battle progressed. It wasn't just a Pokemon battle, but it was a battle of the minds, a battle to see who would get frustrated first and start making mistakes.

And then BAM. Literally, BAM. Even Violet got tired of creepy carnival man's antics and whacked him with the pan she'd found. What I was surprised about was how she didn't take the Swirlix after she'd knocked the man unconscious, especially knowing that it could've been hers anyways. Instead, she just takes it to a cotton candy machine and basically makes cotton candy out of the Pokemon. (Which, admittedly, makes loads of sense. Swirlix is basically a Pokemon made out of cotton candy anyways. xDD) It was a nice twist, really.

Conclusion
Length stands at 11813, which is a little less than what you said you had, but it's still in that MCR range of 10-20k for a Medium ranked Pokemon. Nevertheless, it was still a pretty good story. I enjoyed it~ There were mistakes, yes, but they weren't dreadful mistakes. It's nothing to fail you over, that's for sure. Your character count could've been higher had you addressed the points of detail I mentioned, but hey, you're over that lower end of the MCR, and that's good! With that said, I'm going to go ahead and say Swirlix captured! Now go take your cotton candy and eat it! Or battle with it, whatever floats your boat, mate.