White Noise [Spoopy Bear Comp]

White Noise
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“I think this is what normal people feel like,” Laura said staring at her new bob haircut in the bathroom mirror. “You're on the right path, now, just keep going,” she paused, curled her lips inward to chew on them a bit, and continued in a whisper, “just stop doing weird things like talking to yourself.” Her eyes began to dart from feature to feature as she began her daily self judging ritual in the mirror.



“Brown, paper sack eyes... Thick, pig, buttoned nose,” she pushed in her cheeks as she continued, “loose a few pounds... a chin or two, and you'll be cute, Laura!” She smiled at herself, but judged every new wrinkle and quirk that appeared. She heaved a sigh in hopes to expel her negative thoughts.



It didn't work.



Laura picked up her phone and began to scroll through photos looking back on the summer. Straight A's, scholarships, graduation, clubs, house parties, love affairs, vacations, adventures, and sweet summer nights. The last few months of Laura's life have been a collage, a long Facebook feed, of milestones and euphoria. She was beginning to wonder if this was how normal people generally live their lives.



Her friends she sees on Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook with glamour shots of themselves backdropped with incredible scenery, or with random people from bars and parties, all lead normal lives. And now, Laura herself, has joined the fray as a normal young person starting college with photos oh herself at parties and experiencing life on her feed. She was still floating on the high it gave her, in pure ataraxia.



Even though she was leaving old norms behind, friends and acquaintances she would surely never see again, and even though she was just starting to get comfortable in High School, she felt ready to begin a new life for herself. She could go into her classes with new, stylish clothes that she felt too awkward to wear at High School: cardigans and skirts of all different bright colors.



She would start working out to loose some weight, using the diet and exercise regimen her mother planned out for her. She'd be independent, living on her own and paying her own bills. And she'd have a perky, new attitude, the kind that makes study partners and friends, and meets guys, older guys, who're on the hockey team...



“You're on your way,” she said optimistically, leaving the bathroom and walking into a small, dreary apartment living room. She had recently moved in one of the complexes near the university. It was a little more expensive than other apartments, but it was in a safer neighborhood and Laura felt she would definitely be a target of a mugging if one were to happen.



For the next several hours, Laura tried on different outfits from the clothes she recently purchased for the next day, ate a grilled chicken salad with an apple and pear juice, then went to bed after a warm shower and a very well liked Facebook post.

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College was amazingly different than High School. Laura walked onto campus, strutting her black skirt, bright sunny shirt, and soft pink cardigan. Her first class was in a lecture hall; how typically college. She stood at the top of the stairs looking down the oval room with descending desks and chairs.



The front of the class seemed illuminated, while the back had any light at all. A part of her started gravitating toward the back in the dark, but she firmly told herself, “Laura. You are warm, perky, and friendly. You sit at the front of the class where everyone can see you, like a normal person.” And with that, she hopped down the stairs and sat in the front row. She took a moment to observe the people around her before she took out her phone and posted on Facebook:


Laura Eckley
Want to wear a hat to school? Slippers? Want to chew gum in class? Drink a soda or coffee? Well in college you can! Screw the rules of High School! Those days: GONE! : ) ;3 #screwtherules #howtocollege #youbeyou



Laura smiled to herself as the professor entered the room. An old, stuffy looking man with thinning, white hair tossed his suitcase on the table in the front of the lecture hall, grabbing everyone's attention. The scent of moth balls permeated over Laura from the professors wool suit.



“Good morning class,” he said in a strong bravado, “my name is Professor McLayre. Welcome to Organic Chemistry 1. This is Chemistry 2950, so if you're looking for 2930 you're in the wrong class, but fret not, it's just next door with Professor Winger.”



A few of the students around the lecture hall got up and left the class after Professor McLayre's comment. Laura stayed seated, notebook open, and pen in hand.



“Now, for the rest of you, a word of warning,” continued Professor McLayre; Laura's attention sharpened as she listened meticulously. “This is an 8am course. I understand as the semester goes by that I'll see less of you come to my class. But I warn you to come to class every day! Not just to do well, but to simply pass. I have a 45% failure rate for this class, and this is suppose to be the easier of the two Organic Chemistries. Those of you who move on to next semester will have me again for Orgo 2, and that class has a 55% failure rate.

“Most of these students fail because they don't come to class, or they don't read the book. You'll be expected to read the next chapter before next class in two days time. It shall be like this until the end of the semester where we finish the text and hopefully you pass to go to Orgo 2. You will also have online assignments: some mandatory and will count toward your grade, and others optional for extra credit and practice for exams.



“There will be a quiz each Friday, but every three weeks it'll be an exam. Your final exam will be comprehensive as Organic Chemistry is a building type skill, as in, what you learn from the very first class today, you will build on and use it throughout the course up until you are done with Organic 2 and possibly onto in Biochemistry as well if you so choose that route.”



Laura already had a full notebook page of bullet pointed notes. She looked at the size of her notebook entirely... maybe she should invest in a larger notebook for this class.


SLAM!



The large doors of the lecture hall had just closed abruptly. Laura, and many others, turned to see who the intruder was. A tall, dark skinned girl with curly black hair stood at the top of the stairs. “Is this Chem. 2950?”



“Yes, yes, have a seat,” Professor McLayre said as he gestured for her to sit down. She smiled and walked down all of the stairs and planted a seat right next to Laura. Laura gulped. This was her moment. Perky. Warm. Friendly. Social.



“Hi,” Laura said quietly, “I'm Laura, and you?” The girl turned toward Laura. She had a soft, doe-like face, and very thin features, like a model.



“Hi,” she replied, “I'm DeAndra, but you can call me Dee.” Dee hurried to pull out a notebook and pen. “Did I miss anything important yet? Or has it been the same drawl about always coming to class, doing your work -which I bet there is a lot of in this class-, and don't ever cheat for the sake of your grade and jazz?”

“And lastly,” Professor McLayre had continued, “any form of cheating will be heavily penalized from a minimal of an F on the work, to your expulsion from this institution.”



“Ahh, there it is,” Dee said, nodding her head. Laura was astonished by Dee's clairvoyant talents.



“How did you know the Professor was going to say that?” Laura asked



“Because,” Dee scoffed, “it's the same speal that every professor uses the start of every class every year.” Dee turned and looked curiously at Laura, “say... are you a freshmen?”



Laura looked back at Dee, but was trying to listen to the mumbling of the professor at the same time. “Uh, yea,” Laura finally responded.



“What? Wow,” Dee said, “I just got into this class and I'm a senior, how did you get into it as a freshmen?”



“Well, I did well in High School in Chemistry and I tested into Orgo 1,” Laura replied, now watching the professor, but facing Dee. He was waving wildly and talking about something or other on Lewis structures and valence electrons.



“That's impressive,” Dee said admiringly, “we should study together sometime.” Laura's eyes snapped back to Dee. A smile grew and she felt warm inside her new clothes.



“Yea, that'd be great! Maybe Thursday evenings?” Laura said eagerly.



“Sure! Why Thursday, though,” Dee asked.



“Well I work 4 hour shifts after classes on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and then one 12 hour shift on Saturday so I can keep my part-time status at work,” Laura replied, “plus, it's the day before we have our quizzes and exams in this class.”



Dee nodded as she said, “Yea, that's good thinking. You're pretty smart, and busy it seems, how many classes are you taking?”



Laura sat back and thought for a moment before replying.



“I'm taking this class, Psychology 2 with Lab, Genetics with Discussion, and Kalosian Language and Culture, which is,” Laura took a moment to count up the credit hours in her head, “about 18 credit hours this semester.”



“Wow! Holy- jeez, that is a lot you got going on, Laura,” Dee flabbergasted, but continued as she shook her head, “I would never take up that much in my work load. I work like 12 hours a week and am only taking 8 credit hours. Hah, you have ambition though, maybe that's why you're a freshmen taking this class and I'm an old senior.”



Laura smiled, but a ringing began in her ear. Suddenly she remembered she was still in a class and the professor had been taking about the material for a while. Laura quickly began taking down notes from the board and Dee followed suite, just quite not as hurriedly as Laura.



At the end of the class, Laura and Dee made arrangements to meet at the University's Library every Thursday evening. The rest of the day was fairly simple for Laura. She attended all of her classes, received syllabi from all the professors, went home to eat and get changed for work, and went to a firm where she was recently hired.



At the firm she met an average looking man in a bland, gray suit, who introduced himself as her new boss, Daniel. He waddled about the firm introducing other people, bosses, and finally the chairmen of the firm, who was too busy to say anything.



“You're expected to be here on time every day of your shift,” Daniel's squant voice matched his turnip-like face. Laura couldn't help feel like he could've been identified as a troll if this were medieval times, but tried to focus on his words. “Tardiness will be penalized. We will delegate small, unimportant tasks to you, like organizing files, doing some minor research, and getting coffees for people. It's like an internship, except you get paid a little better and you don't get a letter of recommendation when you're done.



“And this desk here,” Daniel pointed to a small desk with a worn stain, “is where you'll be at. Just outside my office, able to assist me with anything I want. Got it?” Laura nodded tentatively. Daniel replied with a sharp nod and headed into his office, leaving Laura to make herself at home at her new desk.



That evening, Laura returned back to her apartment where she was craving a greasy burger from a fast food joint down the street. As she was leaving to go get one, she caught glimpse of herself in the mirror in the hallway bathroom. She paused and walked in to inspect.



Swinging her head from side to side she turned on the light and really studied herself, searching for faults. She found many: blemishes, straggling hairs, sloppy posture, a bulbous nose, chubby chin, eyes not quite the right kind of brown, large and dangly earlobes, thick eyebrows, weak shoulders, pouchy arms, random hairs, and not so white teeth. However, she put all those nit-picks aside as she was most concerned with her new haircut: it made her cheeks look rounder than normal, like she was a Patrat.



“It's okay, Laura,” she told herself as she took a deep breath, “it'll grow on you and look better with time. It's okay. Just focus on getting rid of these,” she pushed in on her cheeks, making her face pudgier than it was. “Diet, exercise, and with time, you'll be beautiful. Eat a salad and stay here.” And so she did. She was pleased with herself at her self discipline, but still felt hungry and craved something greasy. Appeasing a ringing headache with Tylenol, she took a hot shower and went to bed after doing schoolwork.



The rest of the week went by uneventfully as Laura continued her studies and her job. She found herself at the end of most days realizing she had yet to work out, but countered the thought by telling herself that all the running around at college and work was a work out enough. And with that thought, she even justified going down the street and grabbing a burger to celebrate the end of her first week.



That Saturday was long, however. Laura had her first 12 hour shift at the firm from 7 in the morning to 7 in the evening. She did all kinds of odd jobs for Daniel: copying papers, filling folders, reorganizing cases, finding lawsuits, entering papers to their new online division, coffee runs, etc.



Finally Sunday arrived. Laura was able to sleep in a bit and relax the whole day... until she remembered she still had to read a whole chapter before Monday's Organic Chemistry, as well as do some research homework for her Genetics class on basic biodiversity, and she needed to learn a whole new list of vocabulary words for her Kalosian class. So she got up, began her studies, and staggered them between watching TV, eating, and Facebook and YouTube.

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The following day in her Orgo 1 class, she waited for her quiz to be handed back. Dee was late again, but when she arrived she sat next to Laura and asked, “Hey, how are ya?”



“Oh, I'm okay, a bit tired I guess,” Laura responded. “Yea,” Dee replied, taking a big sigh, “first week back is always a bit rough. Or, first week of college ever for you I guess.”



“Does it get better?” Laura asked. Dee scoffed and waved Laura off like she was telling her to stop making a good joke. “Bah no, you just learn to deal with it. One long week after another! Rinse, recycle, repeat!” Laura felt her stomach drop a bit. “Oh look!” Dee said, “our quizzes are back! I'll go get them.”



Dee returned from the table in the very front of the class where the Professor had put out the quizzes. She handed Laura's to her as she commented, “Wow, 87%, that's pretty good. I only got a 76.” Dee flashed her paper to Laura, but was still smiling. Laura's ears began to ring again. “I thought I did better than this, though,” Laura said.



She had made many minor mistakes, which the professor had highlighted colorfully in red pen. She curled her lips and chewed on them a bit as she judged her former self from only a few days ago.



“Hey, you never know,” Dee said as she saw the disappointment in Laura's face, “that could be an A after he scales the class!” Laura nodded and put the quiz away, took her notes out, and kept popping her ears to try and get rid of the ringing.



A few weeks of the same situation went by and at the end of her first month in college, Laura received her first bills. She sat down in her living room in front of her television; the dim lighting hid the fact that the room was in desperate need of decoration still. Laura sat in the poor light because of what her electricity bill proposed she'd pay: more than previously planned. Her water bill, heating, and rent all together were more than she was getting paid at her work, and so she would have to dip into her savings to pay the bills.



“Well, I'll just use more sunlight and less artificial light, and when winter comes, I'll layer up and wear blankets around my apartment haha...” Laura teased herself, although thinking that that wasn't entirely a bad option. The TV began to sound static as Laura fixated on the bills. She had forgotten that she even turned it on, but as the static grew louder, she reached for the remote and pressed the power button.



“-around 68 degrees and the high for this week is going to be a nice 70. Clear skies for most of the week, chances of rain...”



Laura looked up. The television was playing the weather over the static. She turned off the TV again; the screen blacked out and the weatherman quieted, but the static did not. Laura sat and listened intently to where the static was coming from, but could not locate the source of the static.



Ringing began in her ears too. Laura sat there trying to pop her ears and get rid of the ringing. She was now unsure if it was her consistent popping of her ears, or the ringing, but her ears started to ache. She got up and went into the kitchen where she found a bottle of Tylenol and took a couple to ease the odd headache. She washed them down with some pear juice and looked at her fridge.



She had too much food that were all fairly pricey: grilled chicken breasts, salads, fresh fruit juices, frozen healthy meals, kiwis, raspberries, Greek yogurt, etc. She put the juice back to conserve the rest as she said out loud to herself, “Okay, Laura, you need to cut back on this buying expensive groceries. We're on a diet, remember? So we just don't need to eat as much, and buy off-brand and cheap foods.” The ringing seemed to lax. She gave a large sigh and went back to the living room to begin her studies for the evening.

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PING



Laura opened her heavy eyes and grabbed her phone. A notification had woken her and she was curious to see what it was.



Dee liked and commented on your post.



“My post?” Laura asked herself in her sleepy fog. She clicked the link to the post in question.



Laura Eckley feeling accomplished.

92% on my first Organic exam, 97% on my Genetics exam, 95% on my Kalosian exam, and a solid 100% on my Psychology exam: first round of exams done! Go team Laura! #howtocollege #straightAs #studyhardworkhard

23 Likes 2 Comments

Shelly Eckley

Good job hun, luv yu!!!! <3 <3

Dee Freeman

Wow! Good job! You totes deserved a skip day!



“What? Skip day?” Laura mumbled as she rose in her bed. Sunlight came in her banal bedroom at a strange angle. Laura's throat began to ball up and slide down into her stomach as she forced her fearful eyes to look at the time.



10:43am



She had missed her Organic Chem class, Genetics class, and in 17 minutes will be late for her Kalosian class. Her throat crashed into her stomach like a cannon ball, creating a pit of panic. Frozen sweat drops poured out of her as she cursed the world and made a mad dash for her clothes and keys.



She sped into her car, turning it on hurriedly, mashing the radio settings accidentally in her wake. She continued to curse as she drove to the university. The static from the radio was obnoxious, but she ignored it as she focused on getting to her next class on time. She was going to have to e-mail classmates for notes for the two classes that she missed and hope that she didn't miss a quiz. There might have been one in Genetics, she couldn't remember clearly at this moment.



“Woah!” Laura yelled as she slammed on the breaks. She almost didn't notice the guy in front of her had been slowing down; she was too distracted. The ringing started in her ear again. “Ugh! Really?!” Laura exclaimed, half at the ringing and half at the guy in front of her's slow acceleration. She tried popping her ear with a free hand; her ear was sore.



After doing it unsuccessfully, she tried a bit deeper, but failed to keep her eyes completely open and focused of the road. After she popped her ear and reopened her eyes: the guy in front of her had stopped, but she hadn't. She slammed on the breaks just in time, but the person behind her did not.



BANG



Laura cursed even louder, over the ringing; she was no longer going to make it to her Kalosian class. She turned on her emergency lights and got out of her car to see the damage. The guy behind her was yelling at her, but she couldn't quite her him over the static now blasting from her car. She returned to turn down the volume, but startled when she noticed the radio wasn't even on.



In her absence, the guy had swerved and took off down the street. Laura ran out of her car and looked to see that the man had left her with a smell dent, a few scratched, and a broken taillight.



“Great,” she muffled under the static and ringing. She heaved a big sigh out of frustration and got back in her car. She made it to her class only 10 minutes late. Her Genetics professor was kind enough to let her make up the quiz she had missed after her classes, but it meant she would only have enough time to change clothes between school and work. Thus, she justified going to the drive through as she sped to work.



The ringing had been in the constant background since the crash, accompanied once in a while by static. Laura rubbed her temples as she sat at her dinner table. It had been a very long day. She closed her eyes and try to focus on where the static was coming from. Was it something wrong with her ear? Her cell phone maybe? Was she just imagining the sound? If she focused, could she imagine it away?



She continued to rub her head as she feel deeper into thought underneath her eyelids. Focusing on the static and the source. It grew stronger. Where was it coming from? Focus.... focus.... The static continued. It was engulfing. She couldn't pinpoint the source. It was all around her.



RINGBUZZZ! RINGBUZZZ!



Laura jumped and shot open her eyes. Her cell phone dancing on the table as someone tried to call her. Laura picked up her phone and read the caller ID: Mom. She touched the accept button and answered, “Hi mom.”



“Laura, I've been calling you!” her mother said a bit frantically.



“Oh, sorry,” Laura reasoned, “I have this weird headache-”



“Weird headache, what weird headache?” her mother interrupted.



“It's this ringing, or just... never mind, I just don't feel that well,” Laura replied.



“Well you know, if you ate healthier and worked out regularly, you'd feel better most of the time,” her mother reasoned. Laura sighed.



“Mom, I know you're a fitness instructor and this is just second nature with your job, but I'm not sure diet and exercise fix every problem.”



“You know, dear,” her mother persisted, “it helps with more than you think! Maybe try it sometime and tell me what you think! Remember, the secret to happiness is a good diet and exercise!”



“Uhg, you know,” Laura began, but the ringing intensified, “just, okay, fine. Whatever. Listen, I'm tired and I still have a lot of schoolwork to do, so I'm going to let you go. Love you mom, bye.”



Laura wanted to do nothing more than to crash in her bed and sleep until the next day. Unfortunately, she had to read the next chapter for the Organic Chem class and study various disorders for her Psychology class. She opened her Psych text book and began to read the chapter.



Chapter 18 Ghost Type Pokémon Possessions



“Also known as weirdos or crazy people who make up excuses,” Laura thought to herself.



Some diseases are opportunistic and are always present in our bodies, but only become active when the timing is right, e.g. the Chicken Pox virus for those who had it before, or E. Coli. These diseases (viruses, bacteria, and parasites alike) usually don't become an issue until the body is immunosuppressed, which is to say that when the immune system is suppressed or damaged, these attackers come to life, i.e. if you are experiencing high levels of stress, one of these diseases can effect you drastically.



This same idea is applied to Ghost Type Pokémon Possessions. Some Ghost Type Pokémon will seek out to posses people seemingly at random when their so called “spirit” or “will” is under stress. Some examples of these are Prankster Mega-Bannette Possessions (PMBP) of young children. These children tend to be inattentive, hyperactive, and impulsive, often discredited as “over imaginary” or “undisciplined”. Other examples are Plain Rotom Possessions (PRP), where the possessed person begins hearing electronic devices, or becomes more prone to static shocks. These people tend to become more solitary in behavior, avoiding electronics and people as interaction between these things cause discomfort for the individual. The symptoms can range, however, from being able to hear radio signals, beeping, or static, to only being more prone to shocking refrigerators, shocking everything in sight, or no shocking at all, and every mix of these as the symptoms; they generally depend on the personal Rotom itself.



Laura stopped reading. Ideas began to form slowly in her overworked mind. “...being able to hear radio signals, beeping, or static...” Laura contemplated the idea, but refused to think this was a possibility. However, she had already unconsciously realized her situation, yet consciously refused to accept it; like her subconscious mind was working on a solution while her conscious mind raced to catch up. She paused to listen closely to the silence.



Static.



It was faint, but it was there. It could be her imagination, the simple sound of silence, blood coursing through her near her eardrums, or... a Rotom has possessed her.



Laura shook her head. “Only crazy people were possessed by Ghost Pokémon,” she thought, “you're just over analyzing yourself after reading a Psych book, most people who take these classes do that. You're just as normal as they are. You have difficulties, they have difficulties. You skipped class before, they've skipped class before. They work at a job they don't like, you work at a job you don't like. They go to parties, you... have been to parties.” The static intensified.



“Whatever,” she said out loud over the static. And continued on her reading.

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“Daddy?”



Haze of a backyard in spring with a tall man came into view. The smell of denim and cut grass was strong, but the view of the man by the blossoming tree was covered in some kind of pixelated fog.



“Baby girl!” his voice rang. Laura was running toward the man slowly. The world seemed bigger as she realized how small she was in her youth.



“zzZZZzzzZZZzz”



The haze began to distort the scene, and soon, all there was to experience was white noise.



Laura awoke to her alarm, but felt like she had just went to sleep. She rose in her bed, empty and deprived of something... something important. Maybe she needed energy, something to eat? She went into the kitchen to fix breakfast for herself. She felt like she left something behind, but not in her bedroom, like she left something behind from the previous night, as if something fell out of her while she slept and now a void held the shell of her body up and walking.



She cooked ham and eggs with toast, but when she sat down to eat, she only stared. The food looked well prepared, but her appetite was missing. Laura smelled the food, in hopes of activating her hungry stomach, but all she could smell was the scent of copper and electrical wires. Her appetite never came, so she left the food and went to school.



“Hey, Laura!” Dee called after their Organic Chemistry class. “Hey, sorry I wasn't there today, I had a rough morning, haha, a bit too much last night, ya know?” Laura didn't know, but smiled and nodded anyway. “But I'm glad I caught you,” Dee continued, “there's going to be a party this weekend, on Saturday, around 10pm at my place. You wanna come?”



The void began to shrink as Laura said, “Yes, of course!”



“Great!” Dee exclaimed, “here, I'll text you the directions to my place. See you then!”



The rest of the week was full of quizzes and exams for Laura which the void tried to engulf, but Laura averted it, along with the oncoming static headaches by the thought of Dee's party.



Finally on Saturday, after a grueling 12 shift at the firm, Laura drove over to Dee's house. She was there just a bit after 10pm, but wasn't quite sure it was the right place. There were few people there if it were the right place by the looks of how many cars there were.



Laura walked up to the house and rang the doorbell and waited in half silence; static had been almost constant for the past few days. Dee opened the door and spilled a bit of liquid from a red solo cup as she said,



“Oh my God! I love your black and lacy dress, Laura! Very 1930's!” Dee pulled her inside and welcomed her to a small group of people. The party grew in size as the hour passed, and Laura made sure to keep something in her hand to not seem too out of place. She also wanted to glue herself to Dee, as she was the only person at the party she knew, but kept telling herself to venture out and meet new people.



It was torturous. Laura felt the numbness intensify as she walked up to a group of strangers to join their conversation, and the static at times was so bad she had to leave a group, but always with an excuse: need something more to drink, going to grab a bite of food, must use the restroom, forgot something in her car, just got an important text, etc.



Eventually, she found herself in a bathroom for the umpteenth time. The shower curtains, white with green and purple loops, and herself had become well acquainted in the past few hours to the point where she felt closer to them than to any person at the party. She liked them, they were nice to look at and did not subject her to conversation or make the static in her head buzz with anxiety. Maybe the end of her stay at the party was near.



Knock knock!



Laura froze. Even the static in her head seemed to pause.



“Ye-yea?”



“Hey, Laura? It's Dee. You good in there? Need anything?”



Laura didn't need a mirror to show her that blood was reddening her soft cheeks.



“No, I'm okay!” Laura mustered the courage to say. She splashed some cold water on her face and opened the door. Dee was there with concern in here demeanor.



“I'm okay!” Laura felt obliged to say something to relax Dee's suspicions.



“Do you need some fresh air?” Dee asked.



“No, I'm fine, really,” Laura responded, but looked at the clock: 1:32am. “I should be getting home though, early day tomorrow.”



“I thought you didn't have work on Sundays,” Dee queried.



“Yea usually I don't, but I picked up a extra shift to help pay for rent,” Laura lied. But she was convincing enough and Dee wished her a good night as Laura left the party.



It was such a relief to get in her car and drive home alone.



The next day Laura slept until mid afternoon, or really slept until morning, but then lied in bed staring at her ceiling in a kind of apathetic trace until mid afternoon. She then got up and made quick work of her homework, which eased her headache and guilt of wasting the day. Only after a few hours after getting out of bed, however, the sun set and was night again. Laura hadn't worked out, hadn't eaten, hadn't done much of anything really. She sat in her bleak, dimly lit apartment with nothing but distant static to appease the silence.



She felt her world was dying around her, like she was stuck in a hollow shell of something that used to be thriving with life and excitement. Soon the void inside her began to swell, and as the last of the day's light disappeared behind the horizon. The void began to reach bursting size. Laura sat still, keeping all of her will and might into containing the ball of panic building in her, but she felt like it was loosing battle.



Lost in the panic, she had no idea what to do. How do you quell a nonexistent pressure inside you? The dead world, blowing up like a bubble, tearing her apart from the inside out as if she were combusting, was all in her head. “Am I crazy?” she thought, “I'm blowing up, or falling apart, all at the same time!” The static, dormant until she switched her focus to it, latched itself onto the panicking bubble and began to claw behind her eardrums.



Laura couldn't handle the terrifying state she was in any longer and snapped out of it with a violent jerk. She almost fell over from her seat, but now freed from the ropes of her previous state, she quickly reached for her cell phone and called her mother.



“Pick up... pick up... pick up!” she muttered, feeling the static catch up to her, digging it's prickly numbness back into her being as she waited for her mother to answer.



“Hello-”



“Mom! Oh thank God. I don't know what's going on. I'm feeling this weird bubble, and it keeps getting larger and larger, but it's empty and dead, but it's like, blowing me up from the inside, I don't know, I-”



“Woah, woah, honey slow down,” Laura's mother said. Her voice was like springtime: warm sun on blooming flowers, a pollen filled breeze, musky dew drops, and lush grass. “...Sweetheart?”



“Yeah!... yea,” Laura replied.



“Laura, dear, tell me what's going on,” her mother said.



“I've just been so under stressed lately. All this school work, all this work for the firm, and I try to have a social life too like normal people. I just don't understand how they can go out to clubs and parties and still maintain regular school life and work.”



Her mother sighed on the other end. It wasn't a sigh of relief, nor of annoyance, but of understanding and comfort. “Oh honey,” she began, “Laura, those people generally don't have a job, or they don't do well in school. You have to give up somethings in order to sacrifice for others.”



“Right, you're right,” Laura responded and began to resume a normal breathing rhythm.



“Now, what's this about some bubble?” her mother asked.



Laura took a calm breath to collect her thoughts on what she had just experienced. It was the most bizarre thing she's ever felt. But now, with a clear mind, gave her best attempt to explain what happened to her mother.



“Well sweetheart,” her mother started to advise after Laura's interpretation, “it sounds like you might've had a bit of a panic attack. People get those sometimes. It's okay, you'll be fine. Just get some fresh air and breath slowly.”



“But that's not all mom,” Laura said. She felt guilty and ridiculous to even think about admitting that she was hearing sounds that weren't there to her mother, but she felt it was imperative.



“What is it sweety?”



“I've... I've been hearing static in my head and this ringing in my ears,” Laura said firmly. There. It was out. Laura knew she had to finish her thought even though it was against her fear. She pushed through her anxiety and continued to explain, “I read in my psychology book that it could be a Rotom that's possessed me,” she paused, waiting to her a response. The line was blank and so Laura asked her final question, “Do you think I should see a doctor?”



Silence was agonizing. Laura began to listen to the silence coming from the speakers on her phone, hoping to hear anything come through. Laughter, yelling, mockery, crying, even static at this point became welcoming as every millisecond dragged by. Finally she heard the faint sound of her mother breathing in for a response.



“Laura,” she paused for a second moment of strenuous silence, “I think you're just overworked. Maybe take some hours off of work to focus on your school and give yourself a break once and while.”



Embarrassment flooded over Laura. She gave a few half laughs as she said, “Yea, hah, you're right. Sorry.” Her head was a flurry of self analyzing and ego tearing ridicule. How could she think she had a Rotom possessing her? Those people really suffer from a Ghost Pokemon Possession. Who was she to think she was one of them? How absurd! How arrogant of her to think herself so special and different from everyone else that her problems were because she was suffering from something out of her hand instead of just not being able to cope with real life like everyone else.



She was just trying to find a scapegoat for her problems, blaming it on some Rotom rather than owning up to her issues. Older generations never had this problem! She was just one of those annoying psychology students who diagnosed themselves with everything in the literature they had to read.



“I'm sorry, sorry, I just- uhg,” Laura said knowing her mother could hear the shaking embarrassment over the phone.



“It's okay honey, people do that. Just do what I said, stay calm and relaxed, and don't let the stress of school life get to you as much,” her mother consoled.



“Yea okay,” Laura responded. She gave her love, bode goodnight, and hung up the phone. She began to relive the past hour or so in her thoughts, analyzing herself thoroughly; every embarrassing action, every foolish impulse, every ludicrous thought was swimming in Laura's mind.



She decided to distract herself from this self-destructive path by looking at her Facebook feed. She scrolled through and saw friends swimming in the Caribbean, others posted Instagram photos of themselves studying with friends with coffee or beer, and liked posts from friends talking about their adventures from the club from the previous night.



Then she came across a post from Dee showing a photo taken at the party last night with all of the occupants, except Laura. She looked at the time posted: 12:37am. It was before she left the party, but realized it was during one of the times she had escaped to the bathroom to avoid being around people. She liked the photo, turned off her phone, and cried until she got into her bed and slept.



Laura phased through the week. Notes, quizzes, work, eat, sleep, repeat. Winter had crept its way around her; days cut short, fogged in gray overcast, and with a bitter air that rest like icicles on her skin. Dee had skipped most of the Organic Chemistry that week, much to Laura's relief, which she felt surprised in thinking, but it was true.



Laura was actively seeking isolation from other people. Going home to be alone to eat instead of eating at the university's cafeteria felt better than being exposed to all of those people. She hadn't lost any weight, but swore she gained some pounds when looking in the mirror.



Thinking of working out was a work out enough. She adorned sweatpants and sweaters in light of her brighter clothes and began eating junk food regularly with no guilt or reasoning other than she was not meant to be pretty nor fit. She began to accept this bleakness as a true representation of herself; looking at the blank walls in her apartment, she no longer saw a need for decoration, but a mirror of who she was.



Final exams were in a couple of weeks. And in every moment that thought seeped back into Laura's mind, a panic would spark like lightning in her. But she kept going back to the panicking thought that frightened her; she was like a fly drawn to an electric bug zapper: seduced by a primal instinct, driven with adrenalin and fear, but knew it would ultimately end her.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​

The stress of the exams, along with work, her physical heath and appearance, and her yearning for social normality began to weigh on her shoulders. Each night she wallowed in these emotions with tears hydrating the cotton of her pillow case.



One Saturday, after her shift at work, she called her mother to talk.



“Hi mom- no, I don't need any money, I'm independent now, remember?... new me...”



“Okay sweetheart,” her mother replied. Her voice was a far distant warmth. “Is everything okay?”



“Yea,” Laura said, but a soft static turned loud quickly in Laura's ears, “I'm fine. I just wanted to talk to you, unless you're busy or something.”



“Oh, no I'm not too busy! Working on a new work out and diet regimen for the gym and...” her mother continued to speak, but it became muffled through the ongoing static. Laura concentrated, catching a few words once in a while, but pretended to carry on the conversation. She closed her eyes to focus, but instead of darkness there was static. Rubbing her eyes and continuing with “yea”s and “mhm”s to tell her mother she was still listening, Laura tried to focus more, but the static inundated her senses.



“So what do you think?” her mother asked, breaking Laura out of her trance. “Laura?”



“Oh, yea, I'm here,” Laura said. She hadn't heard anything due to the overwhelming static. “Uh, what was the question again?”



“Oh, never mind. Are you sure you're okay?” her mother asked again.



Laura didn't want to worry nor upset her mother, but she did call her for a reason. This was her chance to speak out and ask for help, she knew she was suffering... but of what, really? For all she knew, she could just be crazy, or overemotional. Maybe this was all in her head?



“...Laura?”



“No,” Laura sad definitively. “No, I'm not alright mom. I'm stressed from the exams and things, and lonely I guess, and... and I'm... I'm not happy.”



“Oh, sweetheart...” her mother said. She could hear the empathy in her mother's voice and the static began to soften. “Laura listen,” her mother continued; Laura clung onto each word of advise as they were vital to her as well as extraordinarily comforting. “You need to take a few times a day to force yourself to smile.” Laura's grip on her mother's words slipped.



“What?” Laura asked, hoping to latch back onto the comfort she was awaiting.



“I know it sounds odd,” her mother explained, “but do that two to three times everyday when no one is looking. Also stand up, and throw your arms in the air and stretch. You should be doing that anyway before you exercise. If you're not stretching before you exercise, then you should start. Also make sure you're eating healthy and exercising every day. These are tricks to being happy, trust me!”



“Mom... I don't think that'll work,” Laura skepticised.



“Laura, I know this works. Happiness is a state of mind. You're in control of that mind. You can do these tricks to entice endorphins and stimulate the sensation of happiness. Then, overall, you'll feel happier. I do this, my clients do this, and all have a 100% success. Trust me, I know it sounds weird to do, haha!”



The static had come back. A constant fog over everything, a fuzzy nothingness that glossed over every sense, like some thickener or barrier between Laura and the outside world was being produced by this static. Laura's will was consumed in the same haze of static, and thus, she conceded to her mother's wishes, said goodbye, and wiped tears off her rounded cheeks.



The following Monday, Dee showed up to class. Even though the week prior Laura was happy to be alone, she silently rejoiced in Dee's appearance. She asked Dee to meet up with her and grab a coffee later that day; Laura called in sick to her work to have an afternoon off.



“So did you ever get your car fixed?” Dee asked as they sat down with their mochas.



“Just the taillight. Everything else was cosmetic and too expensive. My bills are a bit higher than I had planned,” Laura responded. Her coffee was tasteless and felt cold to her, even though she could see steam coming from the surface.



“Oh,” Dee said, taking a sip of her own coffee and recoiling, “ooh, they're a bit hot, haha.”



“Yea...” Laura trailed off. She took another drink of the mocha; it was prickly against her lips, like pins and needles, and as she swallowed some, static wafted over her. She didn't react to it at all, but accepted that it was happening. Without resisting, without a moment of rebellion, Laura let the static consume her.



“Laura?” Dee's voice was distant, but it made Laura snap out of her trance. “Was there something you wanted to tell me?”



“Yea...” Laura hesitated, “yea. There is. I- I...” She felt ridiculous and at a loss for words on how to express her concern to Dee. “I'm a bit overwhelmed I guess. Stressed from classes, work, life in general. I was just wondering if that was normal?” The last word sunk into a pit in Laura's throat. She wasn't sure of what she was saying until it came out, and now all of her fears about trying to act normal were out.



The static began to intensify in Laura's mind. She just admitted to Dee that she wasn't normal, and didn't know what normal was! Dee would never invite her to a party again, or be her study partner after this; she just ruined her chances of friendship with her only friend in college. Her only friend! God what a joke it was for her to pretend to be normal!



Laura was spiraling, however, a few words broke through the static to reach Laura's hungry ears.



“Of course that's normal.”



Laura looked at Dee who was smiling through her concern. Dee understood the sensitivity of the conversation and lowered her voice as she continued to explain, “Everyone gets stressed. Everyone gets a bit overwhelmed sometime in college, in life even. It's perfectly normal. You'd be pretty abnormal if you never experienced that.”



The static subdued and Laura gave a meek smile. She listened for a moment to the static, still in the background, only faded, just constant like always.



“Is it normal to hear static?” Laura asked.



“Like, from radio or television?” Dee asked back.



“No,” Laura said, her spirit dampening, “like, always.”



“I... don't know. That's a little weird,” Dee replied, but seeing Laura's face drop quickly added, “but, everyone's different! Here. Do what I do when I'm down. Cheat on your diet a bit, eat some chocolate, or a burrito from Chapotle. Get outside and walk around the park- even if it's cold! Get some exercise in, make sure you get good sleep, and don't sleep in on your days off, or they'll feel wasted. You'll be feeling better in no time! Plus, wait for final exams to be over. Yeesh what stressers, right?”



“You don't think I should see someone about hearing static?” Laura asked again.



“Nah,” Dee replied confidently, “they might put you on pills, or tell you exactly what I just told you: get outside, exercise some more, bring up your natural happy chemicals, etc, etc.”



Laura wasn't as convinced, but thought it a loosing battle to search for any positive feedback on the idea of seeking professional help. So, she smiled, said thanks, and finished her coffee.



The week blurred by. Laura had wanted to do the advise Dee and her mother had given her, like work out more, go outside, smile more often, but every time she found herself to have a free moment, all she wanted to do was collapse and let the static overtake her.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​

Final exams were coming up, and the pressure built inside of Laura exponentially. The weekend before her exams she called in sick to work again. She feared being fired for taking too many sick days. She feared failing her classes. She feared being evicted from her apartment as her savings account was running dry. The best times of the day was going to sleep at the end of it. But thoughts on what she could've done that day, like work out, study more, gone to work and made money, weighed upon her into insomnia.



As she turned to another position hoping sleep would find her, anxiety pulsed in her chest into awakening palpitations. She looked at the time: 4:31am. It sickened her, the hours wasted trying to sleep. Static buzzed in her head, rang in her ears, and echoed in her body, but she was empty of emotion. She repositioned again, and focused on the static, keeping her eyes shut tight.



It grew, and intensified, but now she could begin to see the static as well. Soon, the inside of her eyelids were like a T.V. channel without a signal: white noise. The sporadic white, gray, and black dots jumbled erratically across her vision; the static deafening. It was entrancing, but terrifying.



BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ



Laura opened her eyes. The white noise and static stopped immediately. Her phone was vibrating as an alarm was sounded next to her. She looked at the time: 9:13am. She must've fallen asleep, but the dream was so surreal. Her head swam with the idea that she had not slept at all, but time had passed by so fleetingly like it normally does while sleeping. Her dream was unorthodox, and she could remember it so clearly, befuddling for how fuzzy it was.



Laura spent her Sunday planning to get stuff done. She would study for her exam that was on the next day, work out a bit while watching T.V., then study some more, do some happier exercises like forcing herself to smile, and study until she went to sleep at a proper time and got a good nights rest.



However day drug by, and Laura watched the clock move, but she did not. Her procrastination was infuriating her, but her will to get up and move was plagued by the static and it's effect on her apathy. Morning turned to afternoon. And not much later, the afternoon turned to evening.



Soon it became evident that Laura had done nothing all day, and her time to study for her final exam in her Organic Chemistry class was diminishing. She needed a good grade, but knew it would only come if she studied. Surprisingly to herself, she kept putting it off saying she was a good student and could do the exam and still pass.



Monday morning came too quickly. Laura had spent her evening prior doing nothing but worry about the exam. She went to her class, grabbed her papers, panicked at the first difficult question, bore through the exam, turned it in, and left without a word to anyone. She called in sick again, received a warning that she felt like she should've been afraid about, but felt nothing but the white noise inside of her.



That evening she checked her school e-mail. Their final exams were in for Organic Chemistry, and if she wanted, she could calculate her final grade. She checked her final exam score: 64%. She received a D. Her heart sank, her grade was already below an A and this was weighted heavily in her class. She opened up the rubric to calculate her final score: C-. One needed a C or higher to pass onto Organic Chemistry 2.



Laura sank in her chair in her apartment. First came disbelief, so she recalculated her grade. C-. again Then came the eventual crushing sensation that she had failed to truly pass her class. She had never performed so poorly in school before, and now when it really mattered, she screwed it up. Static surged in her, inflamed by her devastation.



It was swirling in and around her entirely. Her vision grayed, sensations blurred, and she began to welcome the white noise to take over. Laura had given up. All hope, all will, every ounce of strength to carry on had been drained from her. She was empty, a void. The static that swirled in her, that buzzed in her ears and hazed her mind, seemed to fill this void, but even the white noise was hallow.



It expanded, the emptiness. Laura's world began to crumble, being held together by the slew of pressure being exerted by the vacuum left inside of her. It was mind numbingly confusing and overwhelming. Laura sat in a sea of uncertainty, tears streaming in silence, until a moment of clarity came and a panic in her made her leap from her seat. She tried to escape her suffocating apartment and ran for her car.



But as she ventured outside, the air thickened and stung against her skin like pins on a cushion. Her vision began to give, the static taking over. Her car was only a few feet away from her. Static. Her keys in her hand. Static. Her hand attempting to open her car door. Static. Opening the door and getting in. Static.



As Laura sat down, the static consumed her. She fought with the little strength she had left. In her confusion she stood back up, but stood too quickly for her weakened heart. She collapsed to the ground. White noise engrossed her.

​

In the static were outlines of people walking past. Voices were muffled, but she swore she could hear the pitch and tone of her mother's worried voice in there somewhere. Visions of unidentified shapes and the occasional glimpse of a silhouette in a long white coat came to Laura in brief moments breaking the constant white noise.



After a time like an eternity, Laura blinked. Color began to fill her eyes, and a vision of more objects than static began to form. Soon she felt herself breath, her heart beat, and the warmth of heavy blankets on top of her. Laura fully opened her eyes to see her mother sleeping in a chair across from her hospital bed.



“Mom?” she asked tentatively. Her call to her mother roused her, and her mother soon came to her own consciousness.



“Laura!” she cried as she flung herself over to Laura, hugging her. “I'm so sorry, dear. I'm so glad you're okay!”



“What happened, where am I?” Laura asked, taking in her new surroundings.



“You're at St. Blissey's Hospital, Laura,” a cool voice said. A professional looking woman in a black rimmed glasses and a white lab coat covering a blue floral dress walked into her room. “I'm Doctor Thristle, Psychologist. Now, I have some questions for you based off of what your mother has told me. Is that okay? Is now an okay time?”



“Sure,” Laura responded, “but I may have some questions of my own too.”



“Naturally,” Dr. Thristle smiled. “So your mother has told me you've been feeling unhappy recently, correct?” Laura nodded. Dr. Thristle continued, “How long have you been feeling this way?”



“I guess it started soon after I moved into my apartment and started college. But it wasn't that bad at first. I was excited about starting classes and living on my own,” Laura explained. She looked up at the doctor who smiled back encouragingly for her to continue. “Well, then things began to be stressful, I started getting these stress headaches and tried to take Tylenol for them.”



“What were these headaches like?” Dr. Thristle asked.



“Well,” Laura began to reply, but didn't want to sound crazy, “it was like, a ringing in my ears. It would get worse, and then it became more like static. After that it kept being static, but all the time, just not very loud. It would get worse in certain situations like, when I was stressed at work, or from getting in a car accident. Then it just became overwhelming...



“I thought I could help it by changing my eating habits, or getting outside more, or getting more exercise, but I kept faltering and failing...”



Knock-knock!



“Hi- oh, I hope I'm not interrupting,” said a familiar voice from the doorway. Dee's curly hair jetting out from the crack and was about to disappear when Laura cried out,



“No, Dee, you can stay.”



Dee returned, apologized for the intrusion, and awkwardly sat in the back of the room. Dr. Thristle simply continued to smile turning from Dee to Laura.



“A friend?” she asked. Laura nodded. “That's good you have support. The more the better.” Her smile faded as she leaned in to Laura, her face solidifying in seriousness. “Laura, you're not crazy, nor are you sick or dying. You have a common ailment that a lot of people have. You have PRP, or Plain Rotom Possession. This means that there is a real, live Rotom inside of you trying to possess you as some Ghost type Pokemon do.”



Laura could see her mother fighting back tears, but she surprised herself by staying composed and asked, “So what do I do? Can we... expunge this Rotom? Do we capture it? How do we fight it?”



“Unfortunately,” Dr. Thristle said, “we can't fight it. There's no way to get it out of you, and no way to make it stop what it does. It's trying to possess your soul and spirit the way it would posses an electrical appliance, but doing so with difficulty as you're not a machine. It's able to do what it does to you, however, because you do have some electrical pulses in you, via your sensories, which is where it effects you the most.



“You can't combat it with exercise, or a diet, or getting more sunshine, or other home therapies. These tricks may help in your general happiness, but its this condition that renders you apathetic. It takes over your will and being.”



“So what do we do?” Laura asked as the static began to grow again.



“We use a little MRP, or a Magnetic Resonance Pulse, to subdue the effects the Rotom has on you,” Dr. Thristle explained as she grabbed a small device from her pocket. “Here,” she said as she fixed the device up to Laura's ear like a hearing aide, “you place it like this, and turn it on.” Dr. Thristle turned on the MRP with a click, and soon the static began to fade.



Laura listened as the silence in the room became peaceful. There was nothing. Finally, a nothing with no static in the background. A fullness poured into Laura. Soul warming and heart calming, a smile grew on her face; it felt foreign, yet strangely familiar and warm.



“Now, this isn't magic wand. That Rotom is still inside of you,” Dr. Thristle warned. “There will be days where it'll make itself known. Those will be hard days, but with support from your family and friends, and with proper care of yourself, you will see those days pass and better ones come.



“I'll want to see you from time to time to check up on how you're doing, okay? And, most importantly, if you experience bad static and it isn't going away, or have any other questions or strange developments, let me know; just ask. We can adjust the frequency and strength of the signal if needed, sound good?”



Laura nodded gingerly as Dr. Thristle asked for anymore questions. When none were asked, she left the room to Laura, her mother, and Dee.



“So how'd you do on the exam?” Laura asked Dee to break the silence.



“Oh, I failed,” Dee responded cheerfully. Both Laura and her mother sat in perplexed silence. Dee reveled in her care-free confusion before continuing to say, “I didn't fail by that much, though. I did enough that when I calculated my final grade I was at a D!”



“But Dee,” Laura said carefully, “You have to have a solid C or higher to continue.”



“Oh I know! Don't you know he scaled the class? My D turned into a C! Go ahead, check what yours is online”



Laura found her phone and began to search the website for her school for her grades. She logged in and found Organic Chemistry 1: B-



Relief washed over Laura as she looked at the grade. Her eyes were more accustomed to seeing A's, but this B- gave her too much joy for her to care. Laura's smile was almost too uneasy on her face as her eyes glossed over to her other courses that read “TBD”.



“What about my other final exams?” Laura asked. She looked at her mother who shrugged. But before her mother could say anything, Dee had the answer ready.



“When you get discharged you can set up a time to take a proctored exam on campus. You're not the first student who had a panic attack, or anxiety attack and was hospitalized around finals. Oh! And, by the way, I brought your mail to you.”



Dee handed a few letters to Laura who immediately identified them as bills to her apartment. Knowing she was going to hardly be able to pay them, she turned toward her mother with humility.



“Hey mom,” Laura began her plea, “do you think I could move back in for a while? This new apartment is a little bit too expensive for me right now.”



“Well,” Dee began to interject, “I had been thinking. I have an extra room at the house I rent, and the rent by myself isn't bad, but it'd be better if I split it with someone, and I was wondering if that someone would be you!” Laura's face erupted with joy. “I was going to ask you sooner,” Dee continued, “but finals is a stressful time- as you know very well haha- so I was going to wait until after finals when you would've been less stressed and maybe more inclined? Feel free to say no, it's okay!”



“Oh no! I mean, yes,” Laura stumbled, “I mean- I'd love to move in with you, thanks Dee.”



“Great! Then you can keep an eye on me and maybe help with my studies in Orgo 2, and I can keep an eye on you and make sure that Rotom of yours doesn't get too out of hand!” Dee laughed, but calmed enough to change her tone to one a bit more serious for a moment as she continued, “but please. Promise me you'll say something if it does get bad, like, anything. Even if you can't hear yourself over the static, say something, or just scream! I'd rather you do that than become recluse and end up passing out in the cold again.”



“Okay,” Laura accepted. She breathed in the bleached hospital air, cool in her lungs, and sighed a great deal of stress out of her system. She had passed her first semester of college and began her new life. She may not had found that hockey player yet, nor gone to many parties, but she made a true friend with her new self.



She had accepted herself a bit more and was excited to find out how to accept more. This Rotom in her is a part of who she was, and she was okay with that. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't normal, it didn't make her Facebook feed full of photos of her at the club, but it was her. She was still growing and she craved for more self realization.



“Here,” Dee said taking out her phone and a brush, “brush your hair real quick. Let's take a selfie!”





Laura Eckley is feeling better at St. Blissey's Hospital

Just been diagnosed with PRP: Plain Rotom Possession. I know it sounds weird, and maybe a bit ludicrous, but it's real and I have to live with it. Not much else I can do! Please don't pity me; I just wanted to let you all know, my FB fam, that I'm okay, and I'm going to be okay! #PRP #awareness #betternow #loveyoufam <3 <3








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interestingly exo has a song with the title white noise but anyways

 

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