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[WaR] Saving Satellites

Discussion in 'Stories' started by DeKrueger, Jul 1, 2017.

  1. DeKrueger

    DeKrueger New Member

    Blog Posts:
    Jan 19, 2017
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    Please note that this is post must be edited with a description, once I figure out what that entails.

    For now here are the basics. The targeted Pokemon is Minior at Complex, and the topic was as follows
    Juvenile Fantasy/Not so distant future/???
    Rolled by Elysia

    Character Count: 37,959 / 30,000

    As a few preliminary things, I need to take a look at grammar, fix some formatting and probably give the ending some love, but I wasn't about to let all this work go to waste.


    Once upon a time, mankind looked up to the stars above them, and saw something that they could reach. In the heavens there awaited new worlds to explore and untold riches, riches they would stop at nothing to call their own. In pursuit of knowledge, new horizons, glory and wealth they strove to grasp the world above, joining the stars in the night sky. But it couldn’t be done with what they had. The planes that mankind once used to master flight would not take them high enough, and there were no winds to use for sailing. A new mode of transport was necessary.

    Enlisting the aid of great minds in the field of engineering from humans, and the raw power that was unique to Pokémon to bolster production, it was only a matter of years before we arrived upon a solution together. In 1950, the humans and Pokémon across the globe were proud to commemorate the launch of the Stargazer I. Even at this early stage of space travel, everyone knew that this was only the beginning. While the Stargazer was designed to make a single rotation around the planet, the inquisitive nature of man gave birth to many questions, the answers to which were now at their fingertips. Did Clefairy really come from the moon? Were there any other Pokémon out there? Or perhaps there even awaited other life which was neither human nor Pokémon. The possibilities were as vast as the universe itself. Progress in space exploration could not come fast enough.

    The year is 2050, a full century later and the development of space travel has never once slowed down. Countless names of manufacturers, astronauts, spacecraft and probing equipment has soared past; Icarus, Curiosity, Delver, Starmie, the list went on and on. As more and more shuttles were sent into the heavens, their missions grew more and more grand. First came establishing an orbit around Earth, a trip to the moon, and then to Mars. But the missions began to grow longer, and visits gradually became experiments in making new homes. Grass, Water, and Ground type Pokémon quickly became very popular companions among astronauts instead to the man-made species which accompanied them previously. From making sustainable environments aboard space stations to terraforming there was no shortage of work, as the partnership between people and Pokémon continued deliver results.

    Among the big names in space exploration and now colonization is O-Iron- short for Orbital Ironworks. O-Iron is an up and coming mining company that focuses their efforts on mining for metals in the depths of space. The name and logo, which are based off of the constellation Orion quickly became famous across Earth over the course of a decade thanks to their efforts in establishing the new Mars colony. Currently closed off to the public, the colony by the name of Neo Ur serves as an outpost for construction, terraforming and residence for the employees of O-Iron. It is within this very colony that our story begins.

    The sound of an alarm pierced the quiet Mars night accompanied by the pulsating of a soft red glow. “Warning. Warning. Neo Ur exterior has sustained damage. Oxygen seal has been penetrated. Despating maintenance and medical personnel.” A calming automated female voice rang out through the facility, an added measure to reduce the risk of the inhabitants breaking out in panic. It hadn’t been the first time that the outer walls of Neo Ur had been damaged. In a matter of moments the breach would be patched, and in a few days time another shipment of compressed atmospheric gasses would restore the outpost to safe conditions. In the meantime, it was a certain automaton’s job to visit the scene and make sure that no one was hurt.

    A pneumatic hiss joined in with the sound of alarms, followed by a high pitched whirr the recharge bay doors opened, releasing the myriad of androids who composed the workforce required for the task at hand. “Good evening Medix.” Greeted the feminine voice that had announced the state of disturbance moments before. “You’ve been tasked with investigating an impact in the Arboretum. The area has been evacuated, but please make sure that there are no injured personnel in the area.” The voice instructed. “Order received. I’ll take care of it.” Another voice replied. It was one a child, a young boy specifically, yet with very slight metallic tinge. An astute individual could easily tell that this came not from a human being, but an android. With his assignment received and his charge bay open, out stepped Medical Examination Droid number 009- nicknamed by others as simply Medix- stepped out into the open floor of the machine barracks. The mechanical android was certainly lifelike, moving almost as though a human would, the soft accompanying whirr of motors and appearance being the only evidence otherwise. In the illuminated corridor, the white plastic exterior of small android faintly glistened, and as Medix hurried through perfectly straight hallways on the way to the arboretum, the protective black rubber of his joins expanding and contracting with every movement.

    The route was a simple one, as the colony was designed around a central hangar dome with fractal offshoots. The machine barracks emptied into the maintenance wing, which emptied into the main hangar. From there it was a turn north into the arboretum, where Medix was to be sent. With one last set of air lock doors sealing shut behind the android had reached his destination. Unlike the polished neutral tones of the rest of the facility and the red soil outside of the compound, the arboretum was absolutely filled with color! Greenery dominated insides of the domes, complimented nicely by the rich earthy browns of tree trunks and topsoil. Through the leaves and blades of grass, a smattering of several colors peeked out. Vibrant yellows, reds, pinks and oranges stood out starkly where trees and bushes bore fruit. The dome was designed to be half a park, half a garden.

    As a mechanical being, even Medix could appreciate the beauty of this place. Designed with the curious mind and pure heart of a child’s mentality and the experience of a surgeon, Medix may not have been able to smell the flowers, but he knew that he liked this place. In fact, whenever he was scheduled free time, he would come here, to play with the few children and Pokémon of Neo Ur.

    Today the circumstances were different. Medix was to search the area for anyone that might be hurt. As the mechanical boy looked around, sure enough as he looked skyward, there was a large crack in the tempered glass of the dome ceiling which was already beginning to be patched up with the help of a Magnezone and a maintenance droid. Something must have punched through, Medix concluded. A brief stroll brought a shimmer in the grass to the android’s attention. Broken glass! It was all over! The safety minded medical bot was beginning to grow concerned, what if someone were to step in this? He promptly began to pick up the pieces, discarding handful after handful into the green aluminum recycling cans strewn across the foot paths.

    Just as the last of the glass was shaken into the can, when a noise that sounded an awful lot like the glass shards tinkling against the metal surfaced echoed in the distance. “Huh?” Medix almost immediately aimed his attention over to the treeline. Again the sound came, a bit stronger now and sounding a little bit like chimes. “Hello?” The robot called. Perhaps there was someone injured after all. Another android perhaps? “Niiiii.” The unseen noisemaker called back. As they say, the third time’s the charm. This time as the sound came, Medix traced it back to the base of an apple tree, a stone’s throw away from the recycling bin he’d used moments before. A quick scan of the area revealed that no people were around, but the evidence of an impact was there. The apple tree had leaned slightly to the left, a couple of roots exposed to the air, and a large divot had been taken out of the arboretum lawn. The uprooted grass lead directly to the base of the tree. Suspicious, Medix began to investigate.

    “Niiiii.” The chime-like voice moaned again. Having been almost on top of it, Medix aimed his gaze straight to the ground. At his feet lay the source. No wonder the android had missed it, he’d mistaken it for a rock! At a quick glance, it simply looked like a round stone, perhaps a foot in diameter and it was positively covered in dirt and cracks. “Hold on! I’ll get you out little buddy!” The medical android called. Hurriedly, he bent at the waist, putting two hands down and around the curious stone creature. With a little bit of effort, the crash landed guest was plucked from the soil like a root vegetable. A Pokémon! But certainly not one that he had ever seen before. The living stone was surprisingly warm to the touch- as indicated by temperature readouts- and as soon as Medix began to twist and turn the creature in search of a face and any surface damage, the Pokémon shook itself free, hovering just out of the androids grasp. “Or-in-ior!” The Pokémon chimed in protest. The critter still had energy to burn, that was certainly a good sign.

    Medix took a moment to examine the alien Pokémon before him. Nothing in his databanks had anything on this. Its body resembled both a sphere and a five pointed star, its rocky surface full of cracks and craters, including two impressions that almost looked like eyes. The child minded android grew curious. “Can you see? What’s your name?” He asked, but only to receive a single answer in reply: “Minior.” Medix raised a hand to cup his chin, a surprisingly human gesture. “Minior, huh?” He asked for confirmation, before pointing to the now covered up hole in the dome. “Did you come from there?” He asked.
    The hovering rock type dipped in its orbit once and then twice, as though giving a nod. “Min!” It confirmed. A language barrier separated the two of them, but something clearly seemed to be bothering the living meteorite. “Miiin…” The chiming Pokémon whined, looking past its android savior’s arm into the starry sky. The creature’s face was expressionless behind a mask of stone, but it seemed to release an air of longing.

    “Let’s get you patched up, and then we’ll find out what’s the matter. How does that sound?” The guest from outer space gave another nod, more slowly this time seemingly ready to follow its mechanical host. “Great!” Medix cheered, clapping his little hands together in youthful glee. Having taken another look at the visitor, the shape of it almost reminded the robot of the sugary star shaped candies that the children of the colony loved so much. “As long as you’re here, I’m gonna call you Peito!” The android announced, earning a tilt of the head from rock type.

    With that the two were off retracing Medix’ steps back main hangar, where they’d branch off into the medical wing this time. Progress was slow, the living meteor lagging behind, dipping and bouncing slightly as it moved, trying desperately to stay afloat. If moving was this difficult, clearly the Pokémon was more injured than Medix had thought. To accommodate his new friends, the spritely android slowed his pace but walked with urgency. “We’ll get you to see Cass right away, and then we’ll get you some medicine.” He assured.

    Bobbing along through the corridor leading from the main corner the two arrived to another set of sliding doors, the red blocky lettering next to it indicating that this lead to the medical bay. “We’re almost there.” Medix assured. With a palm placed on the scanner next to the hatch, the doors slide open. “Cass! I’m back, and I found a friend!” The cheerful robot reported as he stepped into the room, the metal slab of a door sealing the corridor behind the Minior and himself. However, now that it was sealed in a room with monitors lining every wall save for the entrance, Neo Ur’s new visitor appeared to grow uncomfortable; the presence of all the foreign objects causing the Pokémon to turn about erratically, trying to soak it all in.

    “Welcome back Medix.” Greeted the very same feminine, computerized voice from earlier. The sound of another voice coming from the very walls was too much for the nervous Minior, as it bounced up into the air in surprise, then quickly took refuge behind its android host.

    “No need to be scared Peito, that’s just Cass.” Medix assured, taking the most comforting tone his vocal drive could muster. “Oh, that’s short for the Colony Automation Supervision Service.” The little android explains. “She’s kind of like the mom to all of us here. And she’ll help me take care of you.” He continued. Clearly the words had gotten through to the Minior just enough, as the Pokémon ventured out from behind the safety of Medix’ back to take another peek at the room.

    “Cass, do we have any potions to spare? Peito had quite the fall, and we need to help it feel better.” The supervising AI of the facility took a few moments to reply, presumably checking up on the supply of medicine to go around.

    “Affirmative.” Cass replied, in the usual pleasant tone. “We currently have an excess of Super Potions. Would you like to have some routed to the medical bay?” The voice asked.

    “Yes, please!” Medix chimed, stepping forward to a large monitor by at the wall opposite to where they’d entered the room.

    The conversation between the machines was going well over the space Rock type’s head, as the puzzled Pokémon could do little more than look back and forth between the two, trying to decipher what they were talking about. Peito was weary from the fall no doubt, and needed the medical attention as soon as it could get it. Fortunately with the medical technology available for Pokémon, the fix would be an easy one.

    Whirring of machines and the sound of a series of gentle thuds filled the room, heralding the arrival of an orange and yellow spray bottle. A network of pressurized tubes had propelled the super potion from storage to the medical bay in a matter of seconds. Medix eagerly snatched the bottle from the receptacle in the wall.

    “The damage was merely superficial. This should be more than enough to bring the Pokémon back to being healthy.” Cass explained. The glass cover of the medicine receptacle slid back into place once Medix had taken it, and once he’d finished Cass began to speak once more. “Once you finish, I have a new mission for you.” Cass informed. “It concerns the origins of your friend there.”

    “Okay.” The childish android agreed, but wasted no time in rushing much needed medicine to the puzzled looking Peito. “Now Peito, this is going to sting a little bit, and I’m sorry for that. But it’ll be good for you, you’ll be feeling better in no time.” Medix assured. A hand of plastic and rubber moved up to support the Pokémon from beneath, carefully spinning the Minior around to deftly spray an even coating of the super potion over the surface wounds of the Pokémon. Peito worked its hardest to stay quiet and still, but couldn’t help jostling from side to side as the stinging solution was applied.

    This was part of the downside of having the metaphorical heart of a human: Medix could tell that this was hurting Peito, and it made him feel guilty. With one last spritz to empty the bottle, Medix set it down on the polished surface of the nearest workbench and withdrew his hand from beneath Peito. The Pokémon once again floated under its own power. “So, are you feeling any better Peito?” Medix asked, his face elevating into a hopeful smile despite his mechanical body.

    The Minior took a moment to reply, as though putting together a mental checklist of what still hurt and what did not. With its check complete, the Pokémon gave a nod and a cheerful twinkling sound.

    “Yay!” Medix cheered, clapping his hands together, before reaching one out to rub the top of the Minior’s head. “I’m so happy for you Peito!” He continued giddily. “So, now that you’re all fixed up, welcome to Neo Ur!”

    “Medix. About that new task.” The calming voice of Cass interrupted, causing the medic and his companion to turn and face the large monitor against the back wall. Upon it was a picture of Peito, and a smaller image of asteroids floating against the darkness of space. “A brief diagnostic on your friend reveals that the rock around it came from Main Asteroid Belt.” The AI began in its usual maternal fashion. “The species was very recently discovered by the O-Iron miners from the main belt outpost.” Cass continued, pushing away the image of a Minior on the monitor in favor of bringing up an image of a dome not unlike Neo Ur sitting upon the surface of a large asteroid.

    The new imaged seemed to bring up a spark of recollection in Peito. The little Pokémon bounced enthusiastically and zoomed on over to the image on screen. “Min, ni!” The Pokémon shouted, accompanied by a series of urgent blips and chirps.

    “If I had to guess, I would assume that our orbital mining operations dislodged it from its home.” Cass explained.

    Medix turned his attention from the screen to aim a look of concern in the direction of Peito. “Then that means you probably want us to get you home, little buddy.” The intelligent robot reasoned. In response, Peito turned around to give the android a nod of affirmation. “In that case, I’ll help you get back up there!” Medix announced, with determination slipping into his voice. With his youthful eagerness however, the android forgot one important detail. “But how… I don’t know how to fly…” He lamented. Peito seemed to drop its head at the news as well.

    “That’s okay Medix.” Cass interrupted. “As it happens, we have a shuttle idle in the main hangar. Surely you must have seen it when you went by.”

    If Medix had blood vessels his cheeks probably would have gone red. He was so caught up in his mission and new friends that he hadn’t even noticed the two times he traversed the room.

    “If you give me a moment, I can even schedule a pilot for you.” Cass offered, very quickly earning the full attention of both Medix and Peito. As instructed, the two of them waited patiently. However, Medix simply could not sit still. A chance to help his new friend and go into space? Tonight was getting better and better!

    Several minutes later, the monitor sprung to life again, clearly Cass had returned from her task. “Okay Medix. We’ve found you a willing pilot.” The AI explained upon arrival. “Please report to the hangar and ask for a gentleman by the name of Xavier. If all goes well, I’ll see you back here tomorrow!”

    The eager young android’s eyes seemed to sparkle. “You mean it? I get to go to space?” He asked in an excited tone. If he had a heart, it would be pounding. “I’ll head over right away!” He announced without even waiting for a reply. “Let’s go get you home Peito!”

    “Stay safe Medix.” Cass called, the excitable medical droid already having taken off toward the door with his companion in tow.

    “I will Cass! See you soon!” Medix called back with a wave.

    “Now let me get this straight.” The gruff voice of an older man pierced the silent hangar. “You got me up at three in the morning because you want my help to take a rock back to the asteroid belt?”

    “W-well sort of.” Medix replied shyly. “Except that the rock is a Pokémon that wants to go home.”

    This Xavier was a tall man, perhaps around six feet high. Clearly getting up there in years, the middle aged man looked fairly grumpy to be woken up. With shadowy stubble on his face and scraggly black hair, the man intimidated the five foot tall Medix as he frowned down at him.

    A silence ensued as the two ceased to exchange words. Xavier broke the silence with a heavy sigh, pointing to his shuttle. “Well I’m already awake. If the robots are going to get sentimental on us over a piece of space debris, I suppose I can still lend a hand.” The grizzled man relented. “You two get in and get situated. I’ll suit up and join you in a couple minutes.” Xavier instructed, turning his back on the two to shuffle his way toward suit storage at the far end of the hangar. He also muttered something about it being a good thing that this was a short trip, but Medix was far too enthralled by the sight of the sleek spacecraft in front of him. As one of a small workforce of medical robots for the astronauts and their Pokémon Medix had never gotten to look at one so close up before. They were so different now, much smaller than they used to be. Still shaped like a bottle, the body tapered out into a rounded rectangular shape on account of the frame of thrusters at the back, projecting plasma not unlike a Rotom used to zip around. Times like these made Medix wish he was an engineer. The white matte surface was so shiny, and the retractable wings for surface and space capability made this shuttle a mechanical marvel. Medix could have gone on and on, but the sound of a throaty being cleared behind him tore the dreaming robot back to reality.

    “Are you going to climb in, or is your Pokémon friend going to be staying down here with the rest of us?” It was Xavier. Medix had lost track and he'd returned already, thermal suit oxygen gear and all. “Count yourself lucky that you don't need to wear all this junk. It's heavy.” Xavier commented as he ushered the stunned robot aboard.

    “R-right away sir, sorry for waiting!” The robot stammered, earning s throaty chuckle from the old pilot.

    “Just get yourself and that space rock in there and buckle up.” He instructed.

    Medix hurried in through the awaiting hatch in the side with Peito floating smoothly after him. Following close behind was Xavier. He knew the shuttle well. Medix may not have had to duck in the spacecraft but Xavier sure did. He had to crouch to get through the threshold to the cockpit.

    Xavier motioned for the two passengers to follow him. “This isn't an air liner. Seats are up front and you're going to need to hold on tight.”

    Within moments the two were buckled in tight, Peito wrapped up securely within Medix’ arms. “These seats are really squishy. This must be what it’s like to sit in a mountain of pillows.” The robot replied with a chuckle, sinking into the cushions of the seat already as Xavier drove the shuttle into the center of the hangar.

    “Of course. They’re made to absorb the shock from G force when leaving and entering orbit.” Xavier explained, beginning to make his way down the dashboard, priming the systems of the shuttle. Behind the passengers, the engines sprung to life with a dull roar. The shuttle began to roll forward, as the lights of the hangar began to flash.

    “Opening the hangar doors. All personnel not wearing oxygen gear, please clear the area.” The familiar voice of the facility’s artificial intelligence warned.

    After roughly a twenty second wait and the shuttle continuing to roll forward, the large steel shutters of the hangar opened up to another heavy set of bulkhead doors. As the spacecraft rolled past, the first set of doors sealed shut behind it.

    “Alright, you seem like the inquisitive sort. Pop quiz. Do you know what this is?” Xavier asked with a light hearted chuckle, his stony gaze not deviating from the tempered glass of the windshield.

    Medix had been practically glued windows- at least as far as the harnesses which fastened him to the seats would allow. Every sight and sound had been a new experience for the android, and he was eager to take it all in. His attention was so committed to the cause that it took several seconds for Medix to even be spoken too. It may have been his first time leaving the confines of Neo Ur, but he knew full well what this place was.

    “It’s an airlock.” Medix chirped, clearly proud of himself. “It’s to make sure we can open the doors to get in and out, without releasing all of the air in the colony, like when Peito crashed down through the arboretum.” He continued.

    The news was enough to cause Xavier to turn his gaze in the direction of his passengers. “So that’s what that was.” He muttered, his voice punctuated by the sound of the air being sucked out of the airlock. With the chamber depressurized, the second set of bulkhead doors began to slide open. As they parted, the martian landscape sprawled out before them. In the light of the moon, the once dusty red landscape now looked like choppy sea of purple, interrupted only by the asphalt runway that stretched out ahead of them.

    “Hold on tight you two.” Xavier instructed, pulling back a lever to bring the humm of the thrusters to a loud roar. The craft was rapidly picking up speed as it rolled along the runway, pressing both driver and passengers into their seats. A faint cry of tired on runway joined the chorus of noises that rolled out of the shuttle as it hurried along.

    “Liftoff in three, two, one.” Xavier continued. All at once the nose of the shuttle was turned to the sky, and the purple surface of the planet below them rapidly fell away. For a moment they soared like Medix had seen the flying types of the colony do in the arboretum. Oh how he wanted to fly sometimes, on occasion he wanted it even more badly than he wanted to be an engineer. Or perhaps that was why he wished to be an engineer in the first place. It was hard to tell.

    As the atmosphere grew thinner, Xavier brought the angle of the shuttle higher, and put more thrust into the engines. Already the planet’s hold on them was beginning to weaken. In a matter of seconds the martian surface below them had shrunk from an endless ocean of purple to the point that Medix could see the edges of space from the rear viewing camera. The planet was red from this view, no longer purple and he couldn’t even see Neo Ur anymore, not even a speck!

    “Beautiful view isn’t it?” Xavier asked with a playful chuckle. “Makes you feel real small. Anyways, we’ll be switching over to deep space travel momentarily, and then we’ll be at the Main Belt Outpost before you even know it.” He assured. The old man may have seemed grumpy before, but he certainly played a rather nice host.

    With the click of a button, a soft whirr joined the dull roar of the thrusters- which had softened significantly in volume upon leaving the planet’s thin atmosphere. As Medix and Peito looked out of the window to investigate, the wings of the spacecraft were being brought in. With no atmosphere there was no need for the lift which they provided.

    “Increasing speed.” Xavier stated, pulling back the lever beside his seat. The soft roar of the engines turned to a high pitched whine and in a matter of seconds the planet below them shrunk to the size of basketball. They were deep in space now, but even as fast as they were going, all of the stars seemed to be staying in the exact same place. It was amazing. Space was so cool! Already Medix was beginning to feel very light, almost like he could float out of his seat and hover around like Peito.

    In the distance, dark objects began to become apparent against the lights of the stars. Now a great distance away from the planet they had once been on, they were quickly closing in upon the Main Belt. Space travel had come a long way in the past few decades with the help of Pokémon. At this rate they could be on Earth or Jupiter before morning, but their mission was elsewhere.

    “Ni, ni!” Peito suddenly chirped, bouncing free of Medix’ arms to hover in the window.

    “Hey! What’s got the rock all riled up?” Xavier grumbled, clearly rather annoyed to have the Pokémon in the window while it was nearly time to think about landing.

    “He’s just excited to be going home. ...I think.” Medix replied, trying to reach for his companion, but Peito eluded his grasp.

    The great asteroid upon which the Main Belt Outpost was constructed was beginning to fill their view not unlike the surface of Mars had done in reverse as they departed. Xavier brought down the speed of his craft. “We’re gearing up for landing. Can’t you pull the thing back in or something?” The old man protested. With the gray surface now taking up the whole of the windshield, Peito began to let out frantic chirps.

    “What? What is it? What’s got you all upset?” Medix asked, trying to sound soothing while he reached for his friend. A gasp promptly rolled out of the robot’s vocal drive. Against the light of the stars in the distance a silhouette stood out. It was as big as a house, on treads that could no doubt topple over the the towering trees of the arboretum without slowing down. “What is that thing?” Medix asked in a mix of awe and horror. This had to be what had gotten Peito all flustered. The machine had a bulbous round body mounted atop its treads. From it extended two sturdy metal arms, with claws like shovels perhaps two or three times as long as a man was tall. Atop the mechanical bubble of the chassis sat a star shaped projection from the front of which extended the muzzle of a cannon. It looked like some engineer had modeled a tank with the arms of an Excadrill and the head of a Turtonator. Whatever it was, this thing was nothing like any machine he had ever seen. And one thing was for sure, if it got Peito all worked up, Medix didn’t like that.

    “That? Oh. That’s the Meteor Masher.” Xavier explained, as collected as though he saw the thing on a daily bases. “The real cash cow of O-Iron’s operations. Chews throw asteroids like butter, and gets us every bit of ore inside in a matter of days. We set up an outpost on one, and then pack up and move on at the end of the week.” He continued.

    Medix’ jaw almost hit the floor. “We have to stop that thing!” He announced.
    “What? You can’t do that.” Xavier grumpled. “Now let me focus on landing.”

    The craft had slowed significantly. As it turned out landing was much more complex a maneuver than launching. Xavier had to work out a whole new host of buttons and levers to swivel the thrusters in different directions. First he pointed them forward to kill their forward momentum, and then away from the asteroid itself. Weakening the amount of thrust, the craft slowly descended to touch down in front of the facility.

    They couldn’t get inside the airlock fast enough. Medix was absolutely bouncing in his seat, and Peito was inseparable from the glass. After an eternity spent on rolling into the waiting doors, pressurizing the chamber and passing through the second set into the main facility, Medix all but threw off his seat belt. Free of the confines of the seat, Medix jolted to his feet and darted out of the shuttle, Peito hot on his heels.

    “Hey!” Xavier barked again. “Where do you think you’re going?”

    “I’m looking for the the one in charge! They need to mine somewhere else, this must be Peito’s home!”

    With a sense of urgency, the robot and Pokémon hurried through the hangar, looking to head deeper into the facility. Just as they were nearly upon the bulkhead labeled ‘Offices’ they were stopped by a man in uniform.

    He wore a spacesuit, the similar white and black pattern that Medix shared, but he looked far more official with his short black hair kept neatly upon his head, and his chest decorated with an O.I. shaped badge of authority. “And what seems to be the problem here?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at the curious sight before him.

    “You need to stop the Meteor Masher!” Medix blurted out, to which the man looked all the more curious.

    “I heard that, but why would we do such a thing?” He asked.

    “Because it’s eating Peito’s… I mean the home of these Miniors!”

    For the first time, this man’s professional demeanor melted away. “You mean the whole time, there have been Pokémon living here?” He asked with a gasp. “No, no, no… we can’t have that.” He muttered.

    “So you’ll help us?” Medix asked hopefully.

    “I’m afraid that under the current circumstances, we can’t do that.”

    “What? Why?!” Medix asked, appalled.

    “Well you see… The Lead Technician is the only one with the authority to order around the robots of the Main Belt Outpost.” He explained.

    “So can’t you go get them?” Medix all but demanded, his voice strained in urgency.

    “I’m afraid the Lead Technician is down on Earth on business, and wasn’t scheduled to return until we’re ready to move to the next site…” The man continued, hanging his head in defeat. At least he wanted to help, but this wasn’t doing much good.

    “But by then the asteroid will be-”

    “Mined out.” The employee explained. With this knowledge he must have been part of the mining crew. “And we can’t just up pack up in leave, we’ll need an alternative.” He reasoned.

    “Min, Minior!” Peito cried, bobbing up and down in a bid to get the attention of the others.

    “Oh! Peito can find you a new place for sure, if you just tell us how to shut down the Meteor Masher!” Medix offered.

    “That would definitely be helpful, but I’m afraid you don’t seem to get it.” The man explained with a sigh. “I’m the foreman, but I’m only in charge of the human miners. None of us have the authority to mess with the robots unfortunately.” He continued, pausing as he searched for his words. “The Meteor Masher unfortunately is under orders of stopping anyone who should happen to get close. It’s just too dangerous, and it prevents people from tampering with it.”

    Medix pantomimed a gulp. If it was too dangerous to get near, what exactly did this thing do to stop people from approaching? And if that were the case, would anything short of destroying the machine stop it? He couldn’t do such a thing. Not only was it far too big, but he didn’t want to destroy these people’s livelihoods. At the same time, he couldn’t bear the thought of Peito’s home being eaten up and sold for scrap either. A soft nudging at his arm brought Medix’ attention downward. It was none other than Peito. “You want to see what we can do?” He asked.

    The foreman let out a gasp. “What? You can’t do that, it’s too dangerous!” He informed them once again.

    “But we have to.” Medix replied, determination filling his mechanical voice.

    For the briefest of moments, the foreman seemed to forget he was even speaking to an android. “Well… I’m not a trainer, so I suppose I can’t stop you. But please, whatever you do, leave that machine intact.” He pleaded.

    Medix had already made up his mind, and Peito seemed more than willing to help. With a resolute nod, the two took off running once more. The android’s mechanical legs pumped, propelling him past the shuttle before Xavier could even reprimand him for taking off. Sensing his arrival the bulkhead doors opened up to allow him entry to the airlock, and closed behind the two. Hopping from foot to foot anxiously as the chamber was drained of oxygen, Medix didn’t even have time to wait for the slowly opening doors. Instead he and Peito crawled out through the very first cracks between the doors.

    Outside there was no gravity to speak off. Medix wobbled slightly as he began to float off. Focusing on his systems, Medix was able to magnetize himself to the ground. In case of emergencies where gravity ever was to become deactivated in Neo Ur, all robot personnel were outfitted with magnetic legs to keep them grounded. Turns out that the asteroid had just enough iron within to let Medix stick. “Okay, let’s go!” The android called to Peito.

    The Meteor Masher was on the horizon, all they had to do was get to it. A few shaky steps brough Medix closer, and with each footfall the android gained confidence. Soon they were running forward. What lay before them was surely an impossible foe, but the two were determined. Was this the bond, the certainty, the excitement that trainers felt? The gap was closing quickly. In moments they had cleared the distance of the runway, and then twice that. It was when they’d covered more ground that the machine slowly turning its head toward the two.

    Medix’ pace began to slow. The thing was even bigger up close. “Uh… Peito? What can we do about this?” Determination only took the android so far. Now that confrontation was upon him, he no longer felt so confident.

    A loud chirping came in reply. “Minior!” The Pokemon cried. And then a bright light flashed in the area. Peito had used Confuse Ray!

    The machine shuddered momentarily, and seeing an opportunity to attack, the rock type zoomed in, only bounce off of an electrical barrier. The Pokémon was sent flying, crashing the surface in a puff of space dust. “Miiiiin…” The Pokémon was down but not out. Slowly the stone around the Pokémon crumbled away, revealing a glowing body as black as the night sky. With another flash, the Meteor Masher reeled back, swiping out with it’s claw. Peito backed off, narrowly avoiding the strike. It didn’t have enough power.

    Medix was growing more anxious by the second. What could they do against such a terribly large machine?

    “Nii, nii, nii!” A chorus of electrical chirps and shimmers reached Medix’ auditorial sensors. More Miniors? The little balls of light fell into formation with Peito in a rainbow of colors. Their swirling eyes were turned down in a scowl, ready to fight. With backup at his side, Minior knew what to do. If once confuse was enough to disrupt the machine, then how about eight? The Miniors formed into a circle in front of the machine and began to glow, burning brighter and brighter. Even Medix had to shield his eyes as the sound of static filled his ears. He felt almost enough to deactivate, and so her brought up his arms to shield his face.

    The electrical pulse of the combined Confuse Rays swept over the asteroid, sending the facility flickering. But sure enough, the job was done. With a thick cloud of asteroid dust sweeping over the area, the Meteor Masher’s arms fell and it was down for the count.

    They’d done it.

    Watching from the window the old man Xavier couldn’t help but snicker. “Well what do you know. The robot’s got a heart after all.”
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2017
  2. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    Dec 4, 2012
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    claim ^^
    DeKrueger likes this.
  3. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    OOOH this is a great attempt, especially for a first story! I was immediately drawn in by the opening paragraph to your story - you bring in the juvenile pizzazz with all the magic and sparkle of "once upon a time," "new horizons," the thought of soaring ever higher as one human race. WORDS I LIKE. WORDS THAT SIGNAL ADVENTURE. I'm basically a child so I approve Although you situate us very well in the world within the first four paragraphs, I wish we would have had more of that delightful narration of the beginning sprinkled throughout the story - as you go on, the themes of youth and adventure and joy aren't as prevalent as they are in the beginning, but that's a minor gripe! You certainly provided us with a creative and brave foray into this not-so distant future!

    Moving on, I really appreciated the time you spent building your world and our characters within it. Medix's joy for the space craft and his love for friendship were minor details that really built him up for me as a character. Plot-wise, what we have here isn't so involved: Medix finds our little buddy, he wants to return him home, they get into a fight with a creation of human greed and "utopia". From a holistic perspective, the first real challenge came into this story with the presence of the Meteor Masher - and I thought there was great potential to really blow up this conflict! This thing's destroying the homes of poor innocent Pokemon for humans' unknowing avarice, and that's bad! There was a great opportunity here to use this as a moral point, as a "here's why people, especially young children, should become aware of their actions on other people and the greater world."

    However, I felt like the story ended oddly abruptly. The other Minior show up to help, which is really great and adds to that theme of fighting for home, but then there's nothing that's really foretold after the Meteor Masher's falling. Did they disable all other Meteor Masher's from that point forward, knowing what it did to innocent Pokemon? If so, how does that connect to the story's opening theme of building upwards, of pursuing new land and life despite any obstacle that comes our way? I thought this story would best benefit by elaborating upon these questions and making everything come full circle.

    However, this story shined in other ways! This story is such a good example that simple is not necessarily bland or boring - in fact, simple concepts combined with great characters can make the best stories! There's a ton of world-building to feast upon and a tale about the budding friendship between a young android and a meteorite. It's entertaining and exciting!


    Description was more than sufficient - I'd say it even helped in telling the story! I know what everyone looked like and appreciated that you even gave an exhaustive description for Peito! You also did a wondrous job of crafting characterization through your description - for example, I smiled when Xavier demanded that everyone hang on because they weren't in an airline - and I also enjoyed the moment Medix notes that although he can't smell the flowers, he knows he's in a lovely place. Good stuff here.

    I have no helpful critique here lol - you did a great job telling the story and I'm excited to see how this skill will involve for you in the coming stories!


    Proofreading can be your best friend! There are a variety of places here where you're missing a slight article / word or you meant to use one word over another (example: joint, not join). Spending the extra ten minutes combing through your story will carry you far in the long term!

    You had two recurring quotation issues. For one, whenever you introduce a new piece of dialogue, you typically want to begin a new paragraph to make it easier for your audience to follow the flow of conversation.

    Secondly, words like said / greeted / exclaimed are acts of speech, more commonly referred to as the dialogue tag. Dialogue tags are actually connected to the quotation and together, they form one complete sentence. Because of that, you actually want to lowercase the first word of the dialogue tag and add a comma connecting it to the rest of the sentence; your exceptions to this rule will be for exclamations or questions.

    So the above becomes:

    Honestly, dialogue is really tricky - it's not as intuitive as we'd like for it to be, but with a lot of practice you'll no doubt get the hang of it!


    MINIOR CAPTURED! ^^ this was an easy decision! For a first story, you brought a lot of energy and careful attention to the world and story you were telling. Effort and creativity should definitely be rewarded! For future stories, I'd suggest that you focus on making sure your story comes full circle / answers the questions it set out with and also, proofreading is good too. I hope you write many more stories! You have great talent and wondrous potential in writing! I've seen it with your rping and I'm so happy you've finally brought it to Stories!

    WaR Prompt

    Juvenile Fantasy - hmmm yeah, the wonder of space and curiosity for adventure easily paralleled a child's imagination in this! As stated above, I thought the moral opportunity fell a little short, but this is nothing major.

    Not so Distant - Mhhm yeah, this definitely checks out for me! I like the reference to things that happened in 1950 and love the presence of all the automatons!

    ??? - this is actually where I felt most conflicted! I think your story needed more time convincing me that Medix was a robot and not a human. We know he's a robot, but we have so many curious lines of - "Designed with the curious mind and pure heart of a child's mentality" / "he knew he liked this place" / "the robot's got a heart after all" - honestly, I love what you were going for here, but there's nothing in this story leaving me with the distinct impression that Medix actually is a robot besides the descriptions. He seems very, very human to me, only differing in name, and to correct this I'd love to see him perform feats that only a robot could accomplish. If this story was for a lower rank, it'd be more easily excusable, but for the Complex level I just found him too human.

    Without revisions, you may claim a Hard mon in addition to your Minior! If you'd like to edit to fight for a Complex mon, I'd hope to see more proof that Medix actually is a robot. What can he do that others can't, and how does this become important to the story, especially in regards to helping Minior during this intense time?

    All in all, wonderful job! KEEP WRITING PLZ
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2017