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[WaR + Art/Story ] Royalty

Discussion in 'Stories' started by K'sariya, Jul 1, 2017.

  1. K'sariya

    K'sariya Steel Soul

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    This is for both the Art/Story collab between Morru and I, and also for my WaR prompt, which was Fairy Tale / Middle Ages / Humans & Pokemon / Pokemon Main Character, if I remember right. I sure hope I did, haha!

    Target: Horsea
    Rank: Hard
    Characters: 15,900

    Once upon a time, there was a princess.

    She was a lovely girl, with brilliant blue scales that cascaded down curvy form, interrupted only by her pale beige underside and shapely tan fin upon her back. Eyes glowed with rich, ruby irises, beautiful gems that swam in wide, pretty pools. Snout curved gracefully outward from rounded features. Even the three horns that rested on each side of her head protruded with a graceful flourish, holding in place her verdant crown--a leafy laurel of seaweed. Weaved into both the left and the right side of the ring of plant were two branching prongs of bright, fiery orange coral, like the horns of a dragon rising from her skull.

    The girl was her father’s child. She held herself with stately poise and swam with unmatched confidence. Never had the ocean seen a Horsea with such mastery over everything around her. The girl owned the sea the moment her snout broke from the leathery surface of submerged egg, ruled it in a way that even gravity would grow envy of if left unchecked.

    Her father was an old, battle-scarred ruler, as any long-ruling Kingdra should be. Jutting horns were stacked with branch upon branch, innumerable tallies that counted the years of his life. Some were broken shorter than others, while more still were missing completely. Time spent as a warrior left the membrane of his back fine tattered and ripped. His jutting jaw sat more crooked than one should for his kind. Where he’d once sported crimson left eye remained only an empty socket crossed with a jagged scar.

    Adalia was his world, his little girl. The only egg from her late mother, he put her first in everything. Some said that if he’d had to chose between his kingdom and her, Adalia would win every time. As soon as she could swim from their cove, she treated every living thing with a special kind of reverence and wonder. There wasn’t a soul in the ocean that didn’t adore her, and there wasn’t a land outside the reef she hadn’t at least seen. From a young age, she fell in love with adventure and always sought places she’d never been. At night, she’d drift to the surface and poke her snout from the water and watch the stars glimmer and the moon crawl across the sky.

    By the time she was six months old, she knew every nook and cranny--

    --except for the shore.

    And for a while, this was enough for her. Her father had warned her away from the beach and at that age, the concept of disobedience was foreign to her. But as time dragged on, her boredom got the best of her, and one sunny day found her drifting toward the shallows.

    A completely different world rose high above her. It was filled with greenery unlike what she’d ever known. Geometric spires of rock rose on distant hills. Birds soared over the tawny sand, far above her reach. Colossal wooden columns topped with clusters of emerald leaves rippled with the wind. Waves crashed in erupting white spray against the steeper cliffs that caged in the gritty beach.

    Most curious of all, however, was the creature.

    She was small and mousy, with auburn hair that cascaded in energetic curls down her back and framed eyes like the ocean. Adalia watched her from afar but could still see the smattering of red dapples across her pale features from across the distance. She wore a different color swath of waving fabric each day, but favored a dress the color of the sun.

    The fleshy human child always came alone, in the morning when the sand was still cool and the day still new. Sometimes, she brought small instruments and dug in the sand. Other times, she’d bring a metal pail, and from the water Adalia could hear her collected seashells clanging loudly against the bottom. Other times, she’d hum to herself as she toddled about the water’s edge. She was always alone, and never went anywhere else. For weeks, Adalia never saw her without her strange, human mouth spread in a beaming smile.

    The day they met was the first time she’d seen the babe frown.

    Vicious was the sea that day, fiercer than Adalia had seen it in a while. A strong gust stirred the ocean. Leaves on the trees surrounding the beach roared, held helpless in captivity by the wind. And yet the girl still came. Adalia poked seaweed crown and curious crimson eyes up above the water, stealing a glance at the child every time the waves carried her high enough to see.

    Tiny hands clenched a little spade, which she used to shovel clumps of damp sand into a small pail. Adalia watched curiously as the girl began to make a small structure by packing it down into the bucket then flipping it, leaving a column of sand behind. Curious, these creatures, the Horsea couldn’t help but think. Small child continued her shenanigans until she’d built quite the spectacle: a sand castle almost as tall as she. The babe toddled briefly away, sunshine yellow dress flapping in the gale, and then returned with a light pink seashell, which she placed on the tallest central spiral. She stepped back to admire her work.

    Tide rose then, a particularly strong gust that washed the water in higher than it had gone before. Waves crashed over her beloved craft, taking chunks of the building with it. The human child gave a startled gasp, beaming features faltering instantly to a distressed frown. Dress soaked as she dropped down onto her knees, frantically trying to scrape the sand back against the castle in a pitiful attempt to save it. The sand continued to slip through her fingers as it escaped back to the sea.

    The next wave crashed over her, bowling her into her castle and dragging all that her fall had destroyed back into the water. The little girl screamed, a noise that ripped over the water to pierce Adalia’s ears. The harshness of the noise startled the Horsea beneath the water and out of sight. Her heart pounded in her ears as the kickstarted adrenaline thundered through her veins. She noticed, then, the way the ocean tossed more roughly, even beneath the water, and how the temperature dipped low, like the depths of the sea.

    And then she noticed, in what seems like slow motion, the yellow flashing beneath the surface ahead.

    Adalia trilled with distress and raced forward. No, no, no! Tiny body flits to and fro about the little girl as she drifts, suspended in the waves. Bubbles ballooned upward from pale lips as they drooped limp upon her features. Lids rested loosely over oceanic eyes but even as she looked, Adalia saw them tighten and squint with tension. Dark pupils swung into focus for a single moment as the girl sees her. Then, they fade out again, rolling back against her skull.

    The Horsea stared with wide, ruby jewels for another long moment. Panic slipped away long enough for her to swim quickly beneath the girl, end of tiny muzzle pushing up against her to try to get her to the surface. But the human child was too heavy. She felt them ever-so-slowly still descending. Time was running out. Sensitive opening of her snout could feel the weakening pulse from where it pressed between young shoulder blades. Adalia felt herself begin to crumble. Her high, keening song pierced the turbulent sea as she begged it to save her.

    Form above began to spasm. The girl had accepted her fate so early but her body did not. Spindly limbs started to quiver, to kick. Fingers clawed for the surface that she could see but couldn’t reach. One breath, if only she could have one breath! Arms windmilled wildly but the ocean was stronger than the death throes of a human child. It was death to her pleas. Her muffled words turned incoherent as the sounds were caught by the water and as the ocean filled her lungs. Helpless. Adalia feels helpless, like she never has before. She’s always felt like the sea was putty in her palms, completely at her command, but now she realizes that it does not bend.

    The sea bends to no one.

    She thinks of her father, the way all of the Pokemon of the reef paused when he passed, the way some dipped their heads. Adalia can’t help but remember the times she’d gotten lost, times when his subjects had emerged from the rocks to help her home, or the times when even the Mareanie would leave the Corsola in their path undisturbed out of respect for the ruling Kingdra. There, beneath the writhing, weakening, body of a human child, Adalia cries and thinks of her father so much that she imagines him there, carrying the little girl to the surface and saving her.

    It’s not until she opens her eyes again that she realizes that it’s real, and she’s staring at the girl limp on the beach with two large, birdlike forms dragging her out of the waves by soaked yellow dress, out of the grasp of the sea that had no mercy for her and toward the tall, blurry figures running in her direction.

    ***​

    Even within the palace, she could still feel the ferocity of the sea. Currents ripped through yawning holes in the yellow corals. Back and forth, back and forth they washed her. Her father paced at the end of the long hall of the archaic carbon chamber. The way his body fell into sync with the swing of the ocean made it almost seem like he controlled it. Once, the rhythm had comforted her, rocked her to sleep within their centuries-old home. But now she could only imagine the little girl being thrown like seaweed to and fro, bashed against the rocks and the gritty sand.

    When she’d woken, Rose had been at her side, nestled next to Adalia’s kelp bed. It’d been reassuring to see the familiar pink of her old friend’s coral-covered body. The Corsola had been so relieved when she’d woken.

    “I heard your scream like it was next to me!” she’d whispered quietly. “Everyone did! I went to tell your dad and it was like the whole reef had shown up, Adalia!” As much as it’d cheered her to know that everyone would always come to help her if she needed it, Adalia didn’t want to think about what would have happened if she hadn’t been there.

    “Papa?”

    It took a while for her small inquiry to come, but when it did, it was soft, yielding. She’d never seen him so angry. She’d never seen him so scared.

    ***​

    cinque agosto.

    caro diario,

    Papà is being mean today. Papà will not let me leeve the castle. I’m stuck here in this muggy old plase. It is very boring here. The only thing to do is watch the rain and pracktice writing. I am getting better but I have to rite slow and think about a lot of things.

    It has rained a lot. Everything is wet. It leekd thru the roof and into my wordrobe. I havint told Nonna yet that it wet her favrit corset. I don’t like it nyways.

    I want to go play in it at the beech, but Papà won’t let me. It stinks becuz I can see it from my windo. Its so close. There are rocks belo my windo but i can see the sand a litle wile away

    I wish I had somthing to do. It wuldnt be so bad if I culd got to othr parts of the castle. Nonna tayks care of me but she can be boring. I wish I culd see Papà but he only leves me dresses and prety things. I asked Nonna one tym if he wuld bring me a momma, but she sayd she is gon.

    I think something is wrong with Papà. He won’t leave. He keeps noking on my door. Beefor he nevr even came to say hi. “Yuna” he keeps saying “how are you”. I dont lik the way he says my name. like he loves me but never coms to see me. I keep telling him that im bored but he doesnt care. I ask to go to the beech. He doesnt answer.

    Im sad that I wet and tore my yelow dress.

    Im sad that its raining. The rain makes the castle rocks cold

    Im sad that he wont let me go play.

    I think I know why he doesnt answer. He doesnt want to talk about it but i now. I hav always seen it watching me. It is smal and blue with a litle crown. For a long time i thot that i was imagnin it but i remmber the wayvs grabing me and it was there and it saved me i think. Or something did and i now hes scared but he doesnt need to be becus they werent hurting me it was the sea but its ok, its like a big dog that dosnt now how strong it is and i wasnt strong enuf

    But i will be strong enuf next time

    Until then I am going to rite much more slowly and practise.

    ***​

    “Are you sure? Are you sure she made it?”

    Anxiety thrummed in Adalia’s chest as she watched the shore. Rain dashed coral crown as she peeked blue head up above the surface. Ruby eyes darted back and forth as they scanned the sand. Curled tail swayed against the rock she floated beside. The rough texture of its surface comforted her.

    “Certain, m’dear.” The large bird shuffled sky-tipped wings as he crowed the words. “The humans, likely her own parents, were coming to get her when your father pulled you away.” Suspiciously, Adalia’s pupils swung upward to look at her companion’s large yellow gullet. Mr. Pelliper always swallowed when he was lying. This time, though, the leathery skin there laid still. She followed the line of it down his belly and back up to the pure white plumage on his back and wings. How easy this would be if she could fly! It’d be a breeze to go and find the girl. Adalia wanted to ask, but she already knew his answer.

    He saw her staring and ruffled his feathers. “It’ll be a while before she comes, ragazza. You’d best go home.”

    Little snout set with determination. “I’ll wait.” And so she did. The rain carried on throughout the morning and on into the night, but she floated in the same spot as she waited. In the dark, little head nodded as she dozed off, but as soon as the sun rose and cleared the clouds, she was awake again.

    ***​

    settimo agosto.

    caro diario,


    The rain stopped yestrday morning but I am stil not alowed out. Nonna brot food but Papà has stopped noking on my door. I askd Nonna if I could go and she said no

    I tide my sheets together wen she left. I hav an idea.

    ***​

    It’s only by the light of the moon that she saw it. Adalia startled awake from her shallow slumber, woken by something she’ll never quite be sure about. Ruby, half-lidded eyes scanned the horizon, trawling across the cliffs and the sand, down the shore until gaze drew upward. Pupils followed the thick block of stone that soared into the sky. She frowned at it. Humans were strange things. Adalia could never live in anything so perfectly round and smooth, no matter how fascinating. She much preferred their kingdom of corals on the reef, where every branch was unique. To live in a place where every rock was the same would be agony for the adventurous Horsea child.

    While musing, she saw it. She blinked rapidly and straightened her body in the water. Curled tail pulled tight against her belly with anticipation at the first sign of motion, thinking that she had imagined it, but then another bright white flutter captures the moonlight just around the spire’s great curve.

    She began to swim rapidly toward it, picking out a wide arc of a path. Adalia was practically tripping over the waves in her excitement. Finally, she could see it: a long, white tail was slowly dropping through a portal up high. It would devour the distance between it and the earth rapidly, stop, and then begin to grow again. Fascinated, she watched—until she saw a flash of telltale yellow begin to crawl from the beginning of the tail.

    Adalia could barely suppress her trumpet of glee. Slowly, the little spot of yellow descended down the cord of fluttering alabaster. Little blue body darted toward the shore. Eyes swept to the bottom.

    Cold fear chills her as it washes through her body. Did she not see the rocks at the bottom? Waves crashed relentlessly against the mossy stone with a mighty roar. Frantically, Adalia began to try to pick her way through the deadly spires, but the girl was lowering herself down fast. A high-pitched keen rose unbidden from her snout. The child froze. Body turned as she looked over her shoulder and down at Adalia, who tried to jerk her head frantically at the rocks. But instead of looking at the rocks, the girl just smiled, waved, and turned her back as she kept growing closer and closer to even more danger. Adalia was beginning to wonder if the fascinating creature she’d found and been watching for so long was more trouble than she was worth.

    Just when she was about to call for help, the babe straightened her legs and planted her feet into the wall. Then, with a clumsiness that made Adalia anxious, she began to hop sideways toward the grassy rise of a cliff on the adjacent side of the tower. Fluttering yellow fabric rose slowly higher and higher toward it, her makeshift rope shortening as it stretched along the curved face of stone. The Horsea bobbed anxiously after her.

    She trumpets up at the little girl when she lands feet safely on the grass and begins to toddle along the edge of the forested cliff, toward the beach. Adalia guides her the whole way.

    When yellow-dressed form emerges from the trees and into the open swath of pale sand. Adalia stares from the shallows. She drifts slowly forward, until curled tail brushes the sand. The Horsea breathes a long sigh of relief. Fleshy human form seems to only bear a few angry red scratches on her legs and a couple of rips in the fabric she wears. As much as she’d trusted Mr. Pelliper, it was good to see with her own eyes.

    The girl doesn’t move, however. She merely gazed distantly out into the water and nervously chewed at the side of her thumb. Adalia’s features faltered but soon steeled with determination. Maw sucked in water and spit it upward, creating a shimmering fountain beneath the moonlight.¬¬ But she still didn’t move. It isn’t until the Horsea gave a low, comforting croon that the child locked her attention onto her aquatic shadow.

    It sent chills down her spine. She remembered yellow fabric dulled by the sea, the sea that sucked the color from her dress and her skin and the life from her eyes.

    ”Hor-sea?” came the voice in high, lilting tones, shaking Adalia from her reverie. Slender neck tilted slightly to the side and she gave a curious coo. The girl was walking, then, picking her way carefully to the water. It pained Adalia to see her treat the sea with fear, but then she remembers how helpless she’d felt as she’d watched the waves batter the tiny body of the human child before her.

    Adalia craned her neck as high as possible as the other neared. Tiny toes pressed deeply into the wet sand. The Horsea flinched with her when the waves lapped at pale feet, but crimson eyes remained locked with blue as little hand extended, fingers splayed and reaching toward her.

    It was strange to her, human skin. It was soft and tender and yielding. Child gave a startled gasp as she felt the Horsea’s scales. Eagerly, explorative hand flowed down her neck to pat on her fins, then drifted back up to tap with wonder at coral crown.

    ”Woooow,” she whispered and took another step into the water. Adalia saw her chance and slowly let the waves carry her a few more inches back. Enthralled, she took the bait and waddled on after her, and didn’t realize exactly where she was until she was up to her thighs, tattered edges of the yellow dress floating at the surface.

    Features contorted in a troubled frown and she suddenly pulled her arms against her chest. She shook her head slowly. ”Don’t want,” she said. Voice wobbled with distress. Adalia looked back behind her, trying to find some way to soothe her fear—some bauble or some charm or some trick that would fool her. She found nothing.

    Fins wiggled to pull herself against the girl’s leg, offering a soft croon. The child hesitated. Then, countenance smoothed. And then she bent to pat on the small blue body once more.

    Some things are best healed with time.
     
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  2. VeloJello

    VeloJello weird bird

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    Claiming!
     
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  3. VeloJello

    VeloJello weird bird

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    So, I went and dug up the prompt you got and it was “Fairy tale/Dark ages/Pokemon main”, and since the WaR Dark Ages prompt includes the Middle Ages, you’re all good on the theme! With that cleared up, let’s get down to the story!

    Introduction.
    And here we get the classical “once upon a time”! Tried but true, this works very well in the context, considering that your story is a fairy tale. You draw the reader in right away by slathering on rich descriptors, quickly showing that Adalia both looks and carries herself like a ruler. Sentences like this
    run the risk of falling into purple prose territory, but in moderation they can be used to paint a vivid picture and draw the reader’s attention, something that you definitely want for Adalia. You set the tone of Adalia’s regal character well, and while the action’s not happening yet, your style invites the reader to continue. This Horsea princess is interesting, and we want to know more about her and what she does at the shore.

    I was a little confused when you introduced Adalia, though. We go from
    to
    and these two descriptions don’t mesh naturally. While confidence and respect for others are not mutually exclusive, reverence has connotations of submission, and Adalia proves to be submissive to no-one. This detail doesn’t derail the intro and creating characters with multiple facets is important, but you don’t need to dump every complexity of your character on the reader right from the gate.


    Story/Characters.
    Rolling this into one segment because the two flowed together. You had a nice story here - there aren’t a lot of moving pieces, but for this plot, that really isn’t needed. It was straightforward; the princess goes out and makes a new friend, and learns a lot about her own limitations and the healing process on the way. Straightforward isn’t bad, though, and it wasn’t bad here. One thing I found interesting here was that even though the biggest crisis came in the middle of the story, you still kept the emotional climax until the end. I appreciated that; after seeing Adalia and Yuna mirroring each other so long, their meeting was quite sweet.

    Aside from the intro piece about Adalia, you had excellent main characters. Adalia remained consistent - proud, but kind - throughout, and her care for Yuna was very heartwarming. I thought it was really good how you didn’t only touch on Yuna’s fear after the near-drowning; Adalia herself is going to need some time to heal.
    This is so good; Adalia isn’t paralyzed by her fear from the last time she saw Yuna, but she’s clearly not over it, which is a very realistic reaction that a young person (even a Horsea) would have to seeing someone come so close to dying. Speaking of that someone, Yuna was really good! The diary pieces from her POV were short but sweet, and I appreciate the time you took to give us some insight about Adalia’s human. I was a little confused about Adalia’s age, though - she writes like she’s no younger than six, but her line “Don’t want” sounds like something a toddler would say.

    I would have appreciated a little more about Adalia’s relationship with her father. His banning her from the shore was confusing; Adalia was never harmed by anything on the shore, and she never mentioned any reasons given. Furthermore, it would have helped give further comparisons/contrasts between Adalia and Yuna. Yuna’s father, while we never see him onscreen, is a presence in Yuna’s life, if only as an obstacle to her going to the beach like she wants. Adalia’s father never really directly influences her, and given that he’s apparently shaped so much of her personality as she was growing up, it would have been nice to see that relationship just a little bit more.

    Stylistic Grammar.
    I noticed a unique quirk of your writing style right away - you omitted a lot of articles and possessive pronouns, words that I’m dubbing “distinguishers” because articles and possessive pronouns are separate categories and I need a shorthand. To be clear, this omission isn’t inherently bad; I want to talk about it because it was different, and there were places where it affected the story’s flow, for better or for worse.

    This is a more minor example. You have your distinguisher “the” in front of “large bird”, as expected. However, most people would expect to read “shuffled his sky-tipped wings”. The distinguisher of “his” is not grammatically necessary; this sentence is not incorrect, it’s unexpected. I like the omission here, personally; cutting the distinguisher makes the sentence flow faster and more smoothly, and the rest of the sentence gives enough context that the lack of distinguisher doesn’t make anything ambiguous.

    This was the one time I noticed it veering into error territory. While I don’t think a distinguisher is absolutely necessary for a complete sentence here, I believe that a distinguisher between “Eagerly” and “explorative” would have straightened this sentence right out. As-is, the lack of distinguisher makes “eagerly” feel like an adjective for the subject of the sentence (hand), which confuses the sentence flow and disrupts the reader.

    This sentence is similar (aside from the “¬¬” hanging out here). But because words like possessives and articles are expected even when they’re not necessary for a correct sentence, their absence needs to be for a reason. Here, you’ve made the maw the subject of the sentence rather than Adalia. This is not inherently bad, but here it has the consequence of distancing us from Adalia. Sometimes that distance is good, but I personally feel like in such a touching moment between Adalia and Yuna, you should make sure the emphasis falls on your characters.

    This here is a great use of the effect. There’s none of that “her seaweed crown” or “her curious crimson eyes” business. Here, a distinguisher isn’t necessary, since we have the context of “Adalia” already and we are aware that she has a seaweed crown and red peepers. It lets the sentence flow and adds another touch of your own charm to the story.

    Overall, even though there were a couple of times where I found it confusing, I liked the effect this added to your writing. One could even say that it gave you a very distinguished style. It shows that you’re aware that words have value, and it’s a good experiment about what is and isn’t necessary.

    Style.
    Style is more than sentence structure, though! And let me tell you something about your style: I liked it. You knew exactly how and when to mete out descriptions - you gave Adalia lots of attention, as befits our protagonist, and gave Yuna just a bit less detail, but only gave us the slight details we needed in order to picture Rose and Mr. Pelipper. That’s good - there’s no need to spend three paragraphs describing a character who’s only got a tiny role. Furthermore, you had a very good sense of pacing. The near-drowning scene was saturated with tension, and you kept it going for long enough that I as a reader was seriously wondering if Yuna was going to make it. Adalia’s desperation and your visceral descriptions of Yuna’s struggles really hammers in the danger that Yuna faced. This, in turn, makes Yuna’s moment of courage at the end with Adalia all the more poignant. Well done.

    Grammar.
    Your tenses also shifted a few times. I’ve bolded and italicized the words that would need to be past-tensed in order for the sentence to function.
    I notice a pattern here: you seem to be shifting to the present tense during scenes that are more action-packed or emotionally-heavy. While present-tense can be very good for punching in action and feeling, bear in mind that tense-flipping is one of the Big No-Nos of writing for a reason. Switches in tense confuse the reader, and that confusion is especially cumbersome in scenes like this.

    The word here should be “deaf”, not “death”.

    Aside from the above, the only grammar fails I noticed were Yuna’s. And honestly, those were good fails. Yuna’s phonetic spellings really drove home her age and inexperience with the pen. I have no idea if the phonetics follow what a young Italian-speaker would assume, but that’s a positively ridiculous standard. I especially appreciated “tide my sheets together”; that’s a nice pun.

    Length.
    I’m getting 19,357 characters for this, including spaces (those do count towards your character total). This is just below the Hard rank minimum of 20k characters, but as close as you are, the length is a small detractor, especially since you gave the reader some darn good stuff in the space you used.

    WaR Prompt.
    Fairy Tale:
    Yup, I’d say so. While “fairy tale” is a slightly vague genre, you definitely connected to it. Once-upon-a-times, princesses, adventurous little girls, are all hallmarks of the “classic” fairy tales, but you went farther than that by incorporating a sense of magic into this without relying on actual in-story wizardry to convey the sense of wonder. Well-done!
    Dark Ages: This one checks out, as well. Some cursory Google Translating reveals that your characters are most likely somewhere in Italy, which is a nice choice. The whole medieval aesthetic mostly hails from Europe, after all. Adalia’s home definitely gives the feel of a fanciful palace and the leaky stone castle that Yuna lives in matches the timeframe, too. Adding a few more details during Yuna’s POV (like her mentioning that she’s writing by candle-light or some such) might have helped drive home the setting a little bit further, but you’ve done a sufficient job already.
    Pokemon Main: Yup, your protagonist is definitely a Horsea, which is, last I checked, a Pokemon! And Adalia is a strong protagonist; while she and Yuna both move the story along, it’s ultimately Adalia’s actions that set the plot in motion. So you’re all set, both in terms of point-of-view and protagonism.

    Conclusion.
    Alright, all of this to say - Horsea captured. And since you have fulfilled your WaR requirements with a strong story, you may claim a Hard-rank Pokemon. While I would have liked some more polish on your sentence structure, it’s definitely on it’s way, and it gave the story its own unique feel that drew me in. Like I said, you went for this with a fairly straightforward plot, but your strong main characters, emotional impact, and creative use of language made up for it.
     
  4. VeloJello

    VeloJello weird bird

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    @K'sariya HI HELLO HOW ARE YA! Elrond and I talked and decided that you're definitely good to go, which means you may claim $20,000 in addition to the Horsea and your extra 'mon. Furthermore, since this was a WaR collab, you may claim an extra $7,000.

    Side note, I would swear I deleted that grade, I'm not sure why it's live again(?). If I didn't, then my apologies for the slip. ^^'
     
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