True or Wild ? [For Cash | SWC]

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Route 121 was a short Route, by Hoenn's standard, with only some 60 kilometers to show between Lilycove City and the southernmost part of Route 120. It was usually called Route 21, because the three syllables necessary to spell "one hundred" were too much for many. The Route consisted in a path where blue fences had been scattered in some labyrinthine way, trapping trainers into patches of tall grass, and in a crossroads about half way between the two extremes, branching out into the Safari Zone, northwards, and towards Mount Pyre in the opposite direction.
Usually sunny, the area around Lilycove was greyish that day. Clouds had massed in the sky over the north-east part of continental Hoenn the night before, and were only starting to move when clocks stroke 13:00. So the sky was still grey when Noah Zale and Mike Clegg left Lilycove on their bikes, a few minutes after the chimes had gone silent.

Both were young men in their early twenties : Noah was almost 6 feet tall, with half-long light golden brown curtained hair, and wore a brown jacket covered by pockets ; Mike was a head taller, a head that was covered with black hair, themselves noticeably covered by a very blue cap with the logo of the Lilycove University Swimming Team on it, while his T-Shirt bore the arms of the University itself. Both had a backpack, Mike’s being visibly larger than Noah’s.
They were biking their way around the numerous blue fences, trying to avoid wild Pokémon and defying trainers. Some insisted, but each time they were rebuffed by Noah who only had to show a paper with his mission orders, signed by Professor Kehr from the Lilycove Pokémon Center. It was the best way they had to refuse fighting without being rude. The orders only exempted Noah Zale, who was one of Professor Kehr’s assistants, from the informal "Fight by Sight" rule, but nobody actually checked the document thoroughly, and trainers quickly let the two men go.

After almost four hours, they reached Route 120, and got off their bicycles. They were at the extreme south of the Route, at the edge of the official path, and below them was a large pond, off-path.

‘I go first,’ Mike said, before jumping without warning, landing two meters below.

Noah had a short fright when he saw his friend hanging in the air for a furtive moment, but was quickly reassured when he saw the man had actually landed on his two feet, only squatting to absorb the landing, but not loosing his balance. He was the strongest, physically speaking.

‘You all right ?’ he still asked, a bit worried.

‘Of course I’m all right ! Now, get the bikes down.’

Noah looked at the bicycles lying behind him. They were from different makes, but both were robust hybrid bikes. Noah took the red one first, his own, grabbing the handlebars, before crouching at the edge of the path, holding the bicycle into the air below. Mike rose his hands to catch the back wheel, and when he was sure he had a good grip, asked Noah to drop it. Set free, the bike turned around its back wheel, but was soon stopped when the front wheel hit the rocky surface of the natural wall made by the raised-land Route 120 above. Mike just had to step back, now holding the actual frame of the bike, to let it go down slowly then touch the ground.

‘You can get mine, now !’ he informed his friend while putting the red bike aside.

The operation was repeated with Mike’s bicycle, a grey one. Once it was finished, Noah jumped below, while his friend walked towards the water, to then crouch down and clean his hands dirtied by tires into the pond.
It was quite a large pond, almost a contestant to the "small lake" category, and since it was not part of the official path, nobody was fishing or surfing on it. Sometimes people fished from the Route above, but the Pokémon in the water were not different from those on the actual Route, so very few bothered, especially with the small distance and difference in altitude between the pond and the path.
Around the pond, Noah could see trees from the large forest of cork oaks surrounding Pyke Bay, and hear the distant noises made by bugs from the woods.

‘It’s almost cold, the water,’ Mike informed his friend, before standing up and rubbing his wet hands against one another.

‘It won’t bother him,’ Noah replied, while letting a Barboach out of a Poké Ball.

He walked to the edge of the pond too, followed by his Pokémon, then took off his backpack, knelt, and started to search inside. Next to him, the Barboach was standing on his tail, patiently waiting... something, probably. And he (for it was a male) didn’t have to wait long. Noah had just taken out a laptop and a harness out of the bag, both items marked with the Pokémon Centers’ logo.

‘Stay still, Barloche !’ he ordered, while trying to put the harness around his Pokémon.

It was hard, obviously, since Barboach were covered by a slimy film they secreted. Thankfully, parts of the harness were covered in moss, to absorb any substance of that kind. But Noah had to dry his little companion before, something far more difficult.

‘Help me, Mikie ! Can you hold him for a moment ?’

‘He’s all slippery !’

‘Come on ! Be a man and dirty yourself, would you !’ Noah hissed with irritation.

Mike didn’t push his protestation further : he was there and had nothing else to do for the moment. He did accept to come with his friend, after all. He knelt and roughly grabbed the Pokémon, who cried a strong "Boaaaaach !" in protest.

‘You know, "be a man" doesn’t mean "be brutal",’ Noah groaned

‘I’m doing my best.’

I took only a few seconds for Noah to clean the fish with a handkerchief, and he then quickly put the harness on the creature, before secretion started again. The leather straps were equipped with four small digital video camera : one over the Pokémon, one under, and one on each side. They were set in protective and hydrodynamic shells, to limit the negative impact on the bearer’s speed and movements.

Once he was let free, Barloche the Barboach didn’t wait for his trainer to invite him to do anything, and promptly dove in the pond.

‘Why did you put that thing on him, anyway ?’ Mike asked

‘Because there are cameras attached to it. This way I can see how the whole ecosystem works.’

Noah sat on the ground, and started typing on the computer. A window appeared, from the program connected to the cameras. It took a few seconds before the stream started, an amalgamation of all four devices’ images, creating a larger picture. Since the Barboach was swimming underwater, deeper and deeper, the stream was in some sort of green, consisting in the underwater/night-vision filter.

‘Nothing interesting for the moment,’ Noah sighed.

‘I still don’t understand why you want to see "the ecosystem" underwater,’ Mike drawled while shooting pebbles with his feet, his hands deep into his pockets. ‘Ain’t you supposed to know about that kind of stuff ?’

‘Well, yes, I know most of the stuff about underwater ecosystems in general. That include ponds, with their own particularities. But I want to see the actual thing. And it’s also a good way of knowing exactly how local Pokémon behave : that’s useful when you work at a Pokémon Center, like me.’

‘And why did you need me, exactly ?’

‘I told you, I like having a mate with me,’ Noah replied, looking back at the student, who was still standing.

‘Like you need a mate...’ Mike almost spit, knowing very well that his friend could work alone without problems.

‘You’re my flatmate, you know. No harm in you becoming a... research mate, I suppose.’

‘You don’t need a mate : you need a boyfriend. There’s a difference.’

Noah looked straight into his friend’s eyes with a mischievous gaze, and a mischievously happy smile.

‘Well, the difference is only up to you,’ he said, doing his best not to wink.

‘I’m really open-minded about differences, you know, so I think I’ll keep it, thank you,’ Mike replied with a firm voice.

‘Spoilsport. And anyway, I needed a mate because I was planning on camping around there for the night, and seriously, I can’t do that alone. ’

‘Each one to his own tent, we said,’ Mike reminded his friend.

Noah nodded with annoyance, more because he didn’t need to be reminded than because he absolutely wanted to share a tent. He then turned his attention back to the screen and smiled, seemingly happy of what he was watching. Despite the filter and the traces of mud into the water, the equipment had a high-definition recording system, and the computer showed two long and thin barbels rooted into the ground, almost still.

‘What is that ? Seaweed ?’ Mike asked

‘No, it’s not seaweed...’ Noah sighed, rolling his eyes. ‘Those are barbels, from a Barboach hiding in the mud. They use their barbels as a radar, to probe the water and find a prey.’

‘Sonar,’ the other corrected

‘What ?’

‘If it’s underwater, it’s a sonar.’

Noah hastily nodded and turned back to the screen. The image was almost a photograph : nothing was moving. Only the gentle movements Barloche made to stay at the same depth could remind the men that it was a video streaming.

‘Why isn’t he moving ?’ Mike asked, with some worry in his tone.

‘I told you, it’s trying to find a prey.’

‘No, not this one. Yours : Barloche’

Noah’s face becam interrogative, and after a few seconds of reflection, he came to a simple conclusion :

‘He’s probably probing the water too.’

‘Why ? Is he hunting ? Does he even hunt ?’

‘No, he doesn’t, he was born in a Pokémon Day Care. He’s never been a wild Pokémon,’ Noah conceded. ‘But there must be some instinct left, though...’

A few seconds later, the buried Barboach jumped out of the ground, and the picture turned grey, for the sudden move of the wild Pokémon had thrown mud all around its hiding place. Variations in the shades of green hinted at a movement from Barloche and its harness, and indeed, a moment later, the picture became somewhat clearer. The image followed the wild Pokémon, who had successfully grabbed, or more precisely bit, a now dead Magikarp.

‘My, that’s bad !’ Mike giggled, with some amusement and maybe even excitement in his eyes.

‘Well, Magikarp dying, that’s the way of things, isn’t it ?’ his mate exclaimed

‘Still, that’s disgusting.’

‘Maybe, but that’s the true nature of Pokémon,’ Noah professed with a contemplative voice.

He checked that the laptop was recording the video stream, and then looked back at his friend, who had crouched down to have a best view of the screen.

‘But you lot don’t always realise that, do you...’ Noah almost whispered.

Mike looked back into Noah’s eyes. Those were grey, with some shades of blue or green in them, although both colours looked similar in irises. Their gaze was somewhat gaseous, lost, yet not really unfocused. Mike wondered if his friend was just being contemplative, or if those grey eyes were contemplating his own.

‘What do you mean ?’ he asked, to cut short his wondering.

Noah blinked, then his eyes became wide and he shook his head, just like he would have been after waking up. Whether he was lost in his thoughts or lost in Mike’s gaze, he’d just found his way back to full consciousness.

‘Er... About ?’ he faltered, with interrogative eyes.

‘About what me and my lot don’t realise. And who’s my lot, anyway ? Students ?’

‘No, trainers.’

Noah double-checked the recording system, making sure the small red circle was blinking, then turned back to Mike, who had sat down next to him.

‘I’m not a trainer, you know,’ the student assured.

‘Yes, you are. You have two Pokémon, and you have a licence.’

‘OK, I am. But I don’t fight that much, and I’m not planning on the whole League thing : I’m better at other sports !’ Mike exclaimed, pointing at his cap. ‘I don’t feel like being part of that lot. And for what it’s worth, remember that you’re a trainer too. Two Pokémon and a licence, just like me !’

Noah chuckled, and looked down to think on that truth, before looking back at his friend’s eyes.

‘True. And I, like you, don’t fight much. I, like you, don’t really want to challenge any gym leader. But while you’re better at swimming, I’m better at studying Pokémon. I’m not the assistant of Professor Kehr for nothing !’

‘He doesn’t even work in a lab, that’s not a true Pokémon professor.’

‘A lot of professors work in Pokémon Centers, that’s normal. It’s just that those with renown beyond the scientific world are usually rich enough to have a lab.’

Mike was about to say something else, but Noah rose his hand to interrupt him just as his mouth opened.

‘That’s not the question, though. The question was about what trainer don’t understand, wasn’t it ?’

‘Yes. What did you mean ?’

‘I meant the true nature of Pokémon. Seriously, look at all those trainers. Some are ten, twelve, thirteen : they are young, they yearn for adventure, and they can have it. The Leagues have built all those Routes for them, in many regions, and here they even laid out the Hoenn Sea. Trainers use them, and meet so-called "wild Pokémon". But they aren’t wild. Not so much. Sometimes, on some routes, they are fed by the nearest Pokémon Center or Gym. And anyway, they’ve been put there by humans. And yes, they are almost always the same as those in the area around, off-path, but still, they aren’t wild.’

‘They’re free to go anywhere they like, and they don’t have a trainer.’

‘They meet trainers everyday. Sometimes they battle them, sometimes they just see them. They aren’t afraid of humans. They know a lot more than you think about us, and that’s why they are easily caught and can easily fight moments later with a trainer who beat them. And then they become more docile, or at least more "domestic". Just like those who are born in Day Care facilities, all domestic. They don’t lose all of their instincts, though. But they are usually loving, at ease with humans, and they can be very good at fighting other trained Pokémon, in sport, which means they limit their power. That’s why they can be healed in seconds by a machine at the Pokémon Centre. Also, starters are always domestic at birth, and kids are always told to stick to the Route, and for good reasons.’

‘Everyone knows the Routes are facilities, that all of this is built to help trainers, to make it easier,’ Mike reminded his friend.

‘Everyone knows, but everyone forgets. Trainers are so used to this easy, or easier life, that they forget about what lingers off-path. I say "you lot" because I’ve been working at Pokémon Centers since I was fifteen, at Fortree’s and then at Lilycove’s. As staff, as a nurse, as an assistant for the Professor. And when you do that, you learn about what’s off-path. And you see it, with your own eyes. You see the true nature of Pokémon.’

Noah’s voice was serious, full of passion but without being passionate. It was a calm, determined, passion, not a wild one. It was like his whole being was talking through his words, and his whole being wasn’t explosive, because it wasn’t angry. It was more of a disappointment that Noah was expressing.

‘So the true nature of Pokémon is terrible ?’ Mike asked, with a doubtful tone.

‘No. To me it’s more terrific than terrible.’

‘It’s darker than what trainers think, then ?’

‘It’s different. Maybe not darker, but harsher. More grown-up. In the true Pokémon wildlife, Magikarp are eaten, sometimes alive. Barboach eat Magikarp, or Finneon. Goldeen and Lumineon eat Barboach. Ninetales burn their pray alive and then they can eat an already cooked meat. Eggs are stolen and eaten by predators, with baby Pokémon inside. That’s the true nature of most Pokémon’

‘The true nature of Pokémon is evil ?’

‘No. The true nature of Pokémon is driven by survival and instinct. The true nature of Pokémon is more wild and animal than people want to believe.’

Mike looked at the pond, pondering what Noah had just said. It was a bit of an intellectual debate, yet there was passion in the young man’s voice. Noah seemed personally concerned by this whole concept. That’s why he was not happy to answer back :

‘I disagree.’

Noah opened wide eyes of surprise when hearing that comment, and shook his head to deny it.

‘But you can’t.’

‘Why ?’

‘Because I’m right !’

‘No, you’re not.’

‘But I am,’ Noah insisted. ‘You can’t deny that out there, Pokémon are not the kind little perfect companions kids and trainers think they are.’

‘Yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s their true nature.’

‘Yes it does’.

‘Stop interrupting me, you made your point, let me make mine.’

Noah sighed with frustration, but still nodded to let the student talk.

‘I know that off-path, it ain’t pretty. But why does it have to be the "true nature" ? Seriously, Pokémon and humans have lived along each other for... I don’t know, centuries. As long as we can remember, maybe. Even if the whole hype about trainers and Leagues is a bit recent, there's always been "domestic" Pokémon, and trainers fighting as a sport. Some Pokémon must have been domestic for generations, and some species have disappeared from wildness, no ?’

‘Yes... Pokémon like Charmander or Treecko.’

‘So, with centuries of history between humans and Pokémon, don’t you think the nature of a lot of Pokémon would have changed, through generations ?’

‘Their true nature would still be...’

‘Their wild nature,’ Mike cut. ‘It’s not their true nature : there ain’t a true nature. Not to Pokémon. You say they’re more wild than we think, but maybe it’s the opposite.’

‘Like what ?’

‘Like, maybe, they’re more human than we all think. Human nature, there’s so many books about it, and nobody has ever found the answer. Nobody know what is the true human nature, because there ain’t either. Maybe our nature is our culture, maybe our nature is that we don’t have a nature, but that’s not the point. The point is that we don’t know, because it’s so complex and different and personal. Just like Pokémon.’

Noah was staring at Mike with doubtful eyes. He wasn’t doubting the whole argument, because it was sound. What he couldn’t quite believe was that his friend had made such a point. Not that Mike was an idiot, but to Noah, he wasn’t the kind of man who philosophise about metaphysics. Maybe he didn’t know him that well... Still, he was almost proud of his flatmate for this reflection, yet a bit disappointed, because it took away some of the man’s charm, this whole uncultured persona.

‘Maybe you’re right,’ he admitted.

He turned back towards the screen, and after a minute, got bored of the nothingness. Nothing interesting was happening, and Barloche was swimming around aimlessly.

‘When is he coming back, your Barboach ?’ Mike asked.

‘We forced him to wear a harness, so he might take his time before deciding to forgive us.’

A few minutes passed, during which the sky started to clear. Seeing that the sun, was shining again, Mike thought of sunbathing, but quickly remembered that he had to take some clothes off to properly do it : it would have been tactless. It didn’t stop him from lying down on his back though, to relax a bit, closing his eyes because of the sun rays. He didn’t need them to know Noah’s would be gazing onto his muscular body.

‘Why did you say that to me, though ?’ he asked, to cut short the awkward silence that was about to begin.

‘The true nature thing ?’

‘The wild nature,’ Mike corrected.

‘Yes, the wild nature...’ Noah repeated, for he was still willing to correct himself.

‘So, yes, the whole point about nature and off-path Pokémon. It felt like you really wanted to make that point, but why ?’

Noah took a few moments to think, biting his nails in the process. Only after taking a deep breath did he answer the student.

‘It’s a bit complicated... It’s about work, in a way. In all ways, actually.’

‘You have a problem with your work ?’

‘Not with the work in itself... But with everyone else. It’s like teachers, in a way. My salary isn’t glorious, there’s a lot of paperwork involved, and people generally don’t care about what I do. That’s the main thing, actually. Researchers and scientists involved with Pokémon form a strong community, but still, it’s a small community. When you write something, when you put years of your life into a thesis, or a big theory, how many people actually read it ?’

‘It’s like this for a lot of scientists or intellectuals, you know... Not only in your field.’

‘It doesn’t make it easier. We work a lot, we sometimes put our life into danger when we go off-path for our researches, we discover thing that can help a lot, and nobody seems to care. So yes, you get lauded by your colleagues, by your own lot, but that doesn’t seem good enough.’

‘OK, but what does it have to do with the wilderness ?’ insisted Mike.

He was starting to think his flatmate was just complaining about his life in general, taking the conversation off-topic. Noah made an annoyed noise with his tongue, for he didn’t like being interrupted, but still replied.

‘It’s the whole "not caring" thing. It’s not always laziness, it’s also full denial. People don’t want to see what we see and study. You know, in the Pokémon Center, a few times each month, a random trainer comes with a wounded wild Pokémon. A Pokémon wounded by predators, of course. Even if they are not fully wild on Routes, they still hunt often. And that’s something trainers don’t know, and don’t want to know. It’s like the world is ending, when they explain to you how they found the Pokémon. To them, it’s wrong, it’s exceptional, and the predator is far too dangerous and should be taken care of... And after years of seeing that, it tires you. Especially me.’

‘Why you, especially ?’

‘Because my speciality, my passion, it’s Pokémon distribution. Why that Pokémon is found there. And you know what the usual answer is ? Food. And you know what food usually is ? Other Pokémon. Just look at Route 21 over there...’

He stood up to point eastwards, having omitted the "one hundred" like many people from Hoenn, out of laziness.

‘Shuppet are found on the Route because they feed on negative emotions, and there a lot of them around here, with Lilycove and Mount Pyre. Mightyena are there because they feed on the Shuppet. And it’s a shock to so many people. Seriously, my whole life look like it’s gonna revolve around that kind of reflections, and most people won’t listen to it. When they see a wounded Pokémon, wounded by a predator, they think it’s unfair, and they give themselves the right to intervene. To break the food chain.’

‘It’s sad, though, this whole hunting thing. Just like that Magikarp,’ Mike remarked.

‘It looks sad, but is it ? Seriously, humans had been eating Pokémon for centuries before it became somehow "sick" to most people. And we still eat meat. The only difference is that we don’t hunt anymore, we have cattle. I don’t think the trainers who bring us wounded wild Pokémon are all vegan, you know. Still, they consider it unfair because they apply our civilized values to a harsher, wilder world. But they can only do that because we are on top of every food chains, and that’s also what makes it hypocrite.’

‘So we shouldn’t intervene ?’

‘No, we shouldn’t. Do you want me to stop you from eating chocolate bars ?’

‘Can’t you understand most people do that out of kindness, though ? It’s their good nature.’

Noah didn’t answer. His right hand was scratching the back of his left one, whose flank was covering his lips. He felt somewhat out of touch, thanks to this conversation. And the strong sighs he made were the best signs of the frustrations he felt. Frustrations, indeed, for his incapacity to properly explain his general frustration with his life and the world was frustrating in itself.

‘It’s just...’ he stuttered, looking back towards his flatmate. ‘It’s just that I feel like nobody will care. Like everything I’ll do in my job will interest only a handful of people, who can probably do the same thing by themselves. Everything we find, everything we discover, everything we start to understand, it’s either too complex or too harsh for everyone else. People are either lazy, stupid or insecure, locked into their perfect little world of kind, gentle Pokémon. Like they’re all kids. That’s why I was trying to make a point about the true, or wild nature of Pokémon. Not that you didn’t really know about it, but... You’re one of the closest person I’ve got, and we live together...’

‘We share a flat !’ Mike corrected.

‘Come on,’ Noah sighed, ‘OK, you’re my flatmate. But you’re also a very good friend, and we don’t just share that flat. Aren’t we camping tonight, after all ? But anyway, I made the point because I want to make sure you don’t become like all those guys and girls out there. I just want you to know, to realise that there is a broader picture. That Pokémon aren’t just a game, or a sport. There is also something serious about it.’

Mike took a few moments before saying anything, trying to process. His friend was full of some sort of unrest, and he couldn’t really do anything about it. He’d never felt like this before, and he would probably never feel such a thing. He didn’t even know how it actually felt : was it like knowing something and wanting to shout it at people who couldn’t see or hear you ? Was it like trying to write something on a glitched computer that deletes everything you write ? Or was it more abstract ? All he could do was trying to reassure Noah, as best as he could.

‘I know that,’ he almost muttered, ‘and I think most people know that. You know, I’m a swimmer. Maybe I could swim around Mount Pyke for fun. But I’d still know, like every swimmer, that I could drown. Just like trainers know there is more to it than a sport.’

‘I don’t think the metaphor is valid...’ Noah whispered thoughtfully in the air.

‘Well, I can’t help you if you always want to be right, even about your problems. I won’t envy your future boyfriend when the middle-life crisis hits ! And if you...’

Mike was interrupted by a loud noise coming from the water. Barloche had just jumped out of the water and landed on the ground. He started to make little jumps towards his trainer, landing each time on a different side of his tail, alternating left and right, while crying "Boach ! Boach !" with a... postmodern sense of synchronization and rhythm.

‘Ah, Barloche my boy, there you are !’ Noah shouted, putting the laptop on his right to let his Pokémon stop right in front of him.

The creature did so, and let his trainer take out the harness. Noah put it back into the backpack, and turned back to the computer to stop the recording. After checking that the files were safely saved, he switched off the device, and while the system was shutting down, put his Barboach back into his PokéBall.

‘We should head into the forest,’ he remarked as he stuffed everything into his backpack. ‘The pond wasn’t that interesting.’

‘And what about the dangerous Pokémon off-path ?’ Mike asked in a sarcastic tone.

‘If we go south-east, we’d be heading towards Pyke Bay,’ Noah replied, pointing towards some trees in the said direction. ‘It’s only a few kilometers away, maybe ten ? There shouldn’t be any dangerous fauna there, only Bugs.’

‘Ten kilometers isn’t "a few" when you walk.’

‘We have bikes !’ Noah eagerly replied while jumping off the ground to stand up.

He took his backpack, and stood still right in front of his flatmate.

‘We’ll still walk our way through the woods, though, pushing the bikes, because I want to take the time to see everything. Are you OK with that ?’

‘Well, you’ll be exhausted first, so I’m all OK with that,’ Mike answered. ‘And about your little problem, I’m not really the best to help you. You should talk to Professor Kehr or someone else at the Center.’

Noah let a small smile escape him : it was nice oh his flatmate to try to help. But he didn’t really want to bring the subject up again. So he grabbed the straps of his backpack, ready to go, and looked right into Mike’s eyes.

‘Thank you for trying, Mikey. I’ll do that. But let’s forget about it, OK ? No, we just go through the woods, and we talk about your problems, if you want. I’m sure you’re stressed about a swimming competition or something.’

‘I don’t have any ongoing problems, really.’

‘We can find some. And if we can’t, then it’s just mates talk, no ? We’ll talk about sports, soccer, swimming, tennis, the League. Or girls. And boys, then, because if we talk about girls, we talk about boys.’

‘And if we talk about boys, we talk about girls,’ Mike recalled. ‘The locker room talk rule works both ways.’

‘Well, the way only depends on who starts. And anyway, we can talk about Pokémon, too. You’d love to know about the way Volbeat seduce each other. And we should talk about Evara in Southenders, I don’t like where the scenarists are taking her, and...’

‘Wow, calm down !’ Mike cut with a firm voice.

‘What ? Why ?’

‘Why are you so overexcited ? It’s weird... What happened to the deep guy with problems ?’

‘I told you, let’s not talk about it anymore. I said everything I could, and you can’t help, so why bother ?’

‘OK, but you don’t need to be excited like that... And I don’t like Southenders, I prefer Hollybirches, the girls are cuter.’

‘Well, Hollybirches, then. It doesn’t matter which stupid soap we talk about : it’ll be just nice. No more problems, just nice, stupid talk between boys, allrighty ?’

‘I don’t think talking about soaps qualifies as boys talk...’ Mike remarked. ‘But why not ? And anyway, I’ve got beers for the camping part, it’ll make everything more manly !’

Noah shook his head in amusement, gently baffled by the cliché behaviour of his flatmate, but didn’t want to argue. Mainly because he knew he would enjoy the day, however stupid or "manly" their conversations would be.

‘OK, then, let’s go !’ he exclaimed with joy.

He turned away from Mike, and walked towards the trees in the direction he had been pointing at a few moments earlier. Behind him, Mike walked in another direction, and looked at him with a smile, but in his excitement, Noah hadn’t noticed. And only once he had reached the trees did he realise that, when he heard his flatmate’s voice.

‘Hey !’ Mike called out from behind.

Noah turned back, only to see the student walking towards him, pushing his grey bicycle on his right.

‘Don’t forget your bike, Noah Zealous !’

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Spoiler: For the grader

• Character Count : 30 106 (according to lettercount.com)
• The story is for cash, without target
• This is not my first story or fanfiction, although it is the first one in English (I’m not using it as any kind of excuse, but more as a context thing). And I wrote it directly in English, it’s not a translation from French (not to boast, of course, I say that just in case there is any doubt). All of that to say that you really don’t have to be "more gentle" (quoting the Writing Encyclopedia in the Infohub) with anything that isn't related to grammar or language.

 

new URPGers get to cut the line!
claiming this for grading!

 

Introduction

Exceptional first paragraph to this story! I like how you gave the detail of 60 km between the routes; we have no idea how long routes actually are in the games, so this helped settle us into the reality of this Pokemon world. You also provided a splash of comedy in there (no sight rule lol), and a full description of the route and its various attractions. It was a great refresher of the route as a whole and a good way to set the scene right away! What I love most about this introduction is how much it contrasts from the majority of the story: physical location vs. metaphysical conversation. Really neat stuff here.

Story

This is one of the most unique stories I've seen in a while! We begin with what seems like an adventure - two men heading out onto the route on their bikes, collecting research material, and then WHAMBAM DEEP IMPORTANT CONVERSATION. I didn't expect it at all! As the story went on, however, it's easy to become more invested in either the cynical Noah or optimistic Mike's perspective. You beg a central question of life in this story: what's the purpose of Pokemon life, the true nature of their beings? The dialogue climaxes with the admission that this very conversation, and the perceptions behind it, play a hugeee role in the internal lives of our characters. Noah's on the verge of an existentialist crises here that serves as a great mirror for people, especially researchers, who share his predicament: what's the meaning in the work, knowing what he knows? How can he redeem his work knowing what he does?

This was definitely something fresh and philosophical to chew on. I think it would have been better if we somehow had a hint that that's where this story was going to go; because prior to that, it was really just two mates and their barboach with no hint of the crises unfolding in one of the main characters. Another important question to ask for future stories is: so what? What happens to Noah, and Mike, as a result of this conversation? How are they changed, and how does it impact their actions in the present? Some indication of that change in this story would have really made it come full circle. But that's for another day - overall, this was a solid, intriguing, and thought-provoking piece ^^

Description

Overall, your writing's impressive! You have a good sense of where the descriptions need to go, and how to provide interesting and exhaustive descriptions for characters. To zoom in on things a little, I have a few suggestions.

Firstly, I think your writing would benefit by omitting a few words. "Very" and "quite" are examples of words that don't really add anything - they suggest an excess, but by how much? It's better to get as specific as you possibly can in your descriptions.

Secondly, we had a couple of moments like this:

The most heavy-hitting descriptions, the ones that make us fall out of our chairs or scream, are usually succinct. They strip away all the extraneous words and repetitions so you only have the most potent piece of description left. I've bolded in the above moments where something's repeated multiple times (a color or a tendency) - how could you rewrite these to get the best impact? At your level of writing, it's not the description itself you worry about - it's about making sure your descriptions carry their full weight and how to craft sentences so that they do.

A final suggestion - why not try incorporating scents and sounds into this story? We had a great sense of what's happening with sight and the overarching map, but these sensational details go a long way too!

Grammar

Just a quick thing - you want to spell out any numbers in your story, below 100, using words. So 60 and 6 become sixty and six.

You've used apostrophes for quotation marks in your story, which is a quick fix! Secondly, you want to put a line between each quotation by pressing the enter button twice. Anytime someone new speaks or there's a new action being unveiled, we do that double line thing - it just makes reading the story easier! So the above becomes:

Outcome

This was a great attempt at a first story - filled with contemplative questions and great relationships shared among friends. It was certainly different as well as entertaining, and though more direction / structure may have been helpful, I think this definitely falls within the Hard rank ^^ I'd love to see what you do with the next installment of this, and what adventures Mike and Noah will go on! Hope you keep writing, and please enjoy your 20k! Best of luck in SWC!

 

Graded + deleted for SWC! sending to author!