Tracking Entei: Blazing Trails

I stood on the tiny balcony of my apartment, leaning on the railing and watching the clouds, my Elekid; Eletto, sat inside eating breakfast and buzzing happily. The sun was shining, and a cool breeze was blowing, today was a perfect day to begin my life as a Pokémon Tracker. I stood up and stretched out, before walking inside to pick up my things. I changed into the clothes I’d decided to travel in; my favorite pair of jeans, they were baggy and covered in pockets, ripped and faded from years of wearing them, but they were still comfortable, a dark green t-shirt, and my black fleece jacket, the jacket with half of the right sleeve missing. I looked at myself in the mirror,
“This’ll do!” I told myself, opting to leave my hair in a mess rather than waste time with gel; I knew that’d distract me from leaving. I nodded to my reflection, adjusted my glasses and headed to the other side of my tiny, one room apartment.

I stood looking at my desk, the things I had decided to take with me lying scattered over it. I picked up my belt, and looked at the clips; each containing a Poké Ball. The six balls glistened as the sun peeked through the window, I looked at Eletto and said;
“Guess someday soon these five here will be full, and you won’t be lonely…”
Eletto buzzed happily, hugging my legs,
“Yeah, we’ve always got each other buddy…” I said quietly, as I bent down to pet him. I made sure to put my spare glasses in my pocket; I can’t see much without them, and I guess tracking Pokémon is hard when you’re blind. The next item I picked up was a hunting knife: it was a gift from my father; he used it when he traveled the world, and I carried it as a good luck charm. I secured it into the holster on my bag, and picked up my pendant. I held it up and thought about the Entei that attacked my family, burned my home, and how this shard had broken from its crest, before clipping it around my neck. Only one item remained; my journal. It was my own personal Pokédex; full of drawings, notes, maps, and all the information I’d recorded over the years. I decided to write a small paragraph inside the front cover before I left, incase I lost the book. I sat at my desk, and picked up my pen. I tapped it on the desk before deciding what to write, I opened the front cover, and on the inside I wrote;

“My name is Kaiten, and I have decided to travel around the world, not for badges or fame, but to track down an Entei. Not just any Entei, but one Entei in particular, one with a point broken off its crest. It appeared near my home when I was six years old, and for a reason we’re still unsure of, burned the house with its devastating fire attacks. I still remember the night like it was yesterday, I awoke in a sweat, to my mother screaming and dragging me from my bed. She carried me out of the burning house, telling me everything would be all right, her voice obscured by load roars from outside. We made it out of the house without being burnt, her two Skitty following close behind, my father had run out before us, and saw the cause of the fire. My parents and I stood on the lawn, the Entei stood at the opposite end, glaring at us, looking like it was ready to burn us next. My father was a former trainer, he was pretty well known back in his day, and he was determined to protect us. I don’t remember much of the battle, only my father’s Swampert using Hammer Arm and landing a hit right onto the beasts crest, causing one of the points to snap off and fly towards me, knocking me unconscious. When I awoke, the beast was gone, only a trail of flames, and scorched paw prints heading off into the forest remained. My father had chased the Volcano Pokémon off to the north, but it had a head start, and was much faster than the Dodrio he rode. The fire had burned my home to the ground and shocked all of us, but we were alive . The fragment of the beast’s crest that hit me now forms the pendant around my neck; I wear it to constantly remind me of my goal. I have been determined to find that one Entei since that night, and even though I know I might never find the same Entei, or any at all, I have to at least try to find out why it burned my home, why it destroyed everything we owned, and why almost killed us. So I left my new home, not as a Pokémon Trainer, as a Pokémon Tracker, with my first, and only, Pokémon, my Elekid, Eletto with me. I hope to capture more Pokémon while travelling the world on the trail of the Volcano Pokémon, Pokémon to assist me in my quest, to help me track Entei, and to help me get the answers I’ve been searching for, for the last fourteen years.”

I added my Pokégear phone number under it, and stapled in a photograph of Eletto and myself, just incase I lost it. I packed the book into my bag, and was ready to leave. I refilled my canteen, tied it to my bag, and stepped back out into the sunshine, Eletto walking along behind me; he was carrying his favorite toy, a plush Magby. He struggled with it a little, so I put it in my bag; he smiled at me and buzzed happily. I locked the door, put the key into my jacket pocket, fastened the zip, and with that, I had begun my journey.

When I first left to travel the world, I headed to the site of my former home; my plan was to begin my journey along the same scorched trail my father chased Entei fourteen years ago. It wasn’t a long journey, only a few hours by train. Eletto spent the time on the train playing with his Magby, while I spent most of the time flicking through a copy of ‘Legendary Pokémon Are Out There!’ magazine. I bought it at the train station, the tagline ‘The countries number one listing for all Legendary Pokémon sightings!’ gave me the impression it would hold my interest for the trip, but I was sorely wrong. I sighed to Eletto,
“Why do Legendary Pokémon only ever appear to these tin foil hat wearing lunatics? I mean look at this one” I pointed to a blurry picture of a brown bird, it was obviously a Fearow, with something in its talons,
“Zapdos stole my lawn furniture!” I stated, reading the headline of the article, before throwing the magazine onto the table. I decided to spend the rest of the trip watching the trees, houses and fields fly by outside the window.

The train screeched to a stop in the station nearest to my old house, the Autumn Valley Station. I packed Elettos plush Magby away, and we disembarked. The station still looked the same as it did fourteen years ago, when we left to find a new home.
“Good to be back…” I told myself, as Eletto buzzed happily. We walked out of the train station, and were face to face with the small village I used to go to school in, Autumn Valley, and it was still the same. We strolled up the street towards where my old house was, looking at all the old buildings along the way,
“That bakery makes the best rolls…that’s where my best friend stayed before moving to Olivine City…the man that lived there had an Arcanine, but it had a yellow coat instead of an orange one!...” I continued to tell Eletto about all the buildings and things we walked passed, I told myself I was telling him anyway, really I was just reminiscing. We eventually got to the hill where my home used to stand, and after reaching the top, memories flooded back. I could still see my house standing there, I could see myself and my father’s Pokémon playing in the garden, I could see everything, until I snapped back to reality. Where my house stood was now just a large patch of scorched earth, the grass still hadn’t grown back. I begun to look around, hoping for some sort of starting point for my quest,
“Who knows, Eletto, maybe we’ll find something. I know it’s been years, but look, Entei’s paw prints are still visible, the grass hasn’t grown back yet.” I crouched down, putting my hand to the paw print.
“It’s still warm…” I told myself. Eletto began walking along the path of the prints, while I waited behind, took off my bag, and pulled out my journal. I thumbed through the tattered pages, passing by sketches and notes of Pokémon, locations, and everything else I thought important enough write down, I stopped on a page with the corner folded over. When I opened the book, I was once again looking at all the information I had recorded on Entei, every sighting, every mysterious fire, everything. I traced my finger across the page until I found a small sketch of the beasts paw print; it matched the prints scorched into the grass. I was definitely on the right trail. I packed the book away, got to my feet and looked into the distance, to where the trail was heading, and to where I was about to go. I snapped my fingers, causing Eletto to look at me, his eyes wide with anticipation,
“Time to go…” I told him, and he nodded in agreement, his eyes becoming more focused, and full of vigour.

We began walking along the tracks, heading north, and out of the small wood that surrounded my former home. When we had passed through the trees, we were met with large grass plain stretching back to the horizon, small pathways all over, with cliffs to the east, a port city and the ocean to the west. I scoured the land, looking for any hint of where Entei had gone, but all I had was the final scorched paw print at my feet.
“So…It ran through the forest, but when it got to this plain…it vanished?” I asked myself, my inexperience as a Tracker showing already. Eletto tugged at my jeans and buzzed, he knew what had happened. He walked a little ways back into the wood, and began scurrying towards me, as soon as he reached the last print, he began bounding and leaping, and I realized what he was trying to tell me;
“Oh! It wasn’t cramped by the trees anymore; it could launch itself farther when it was on the plains!” I shouted, as the images of the beast rushed into my head.
“But how will we track it now?” I looked at the little Pokémon beside me, he picked up a rock, looked at me, put his hands together and quickly thrust upwards, the rock flew into the air, and as it did, Eletto pointed to himself.
“This’ll be a new one…” I said, looking at Eletto, unsurely, but he looked excited. I linked my fingers and lowered my hands to the ground. Eletto sat on them and buzzed with excitement. I launched him upwards, as hard as I could. I looked up, and saw him in the air above me, swinging his arms to turn himself, and looking all over, before cheering, sparking and falling. I caught him, but fell to the ground.
“Did you see?!” I asked, excitedly, the Pokémon responded by nodding, and pointing to the northeast, where the cliffs met the grasslands, I could vaguely see another forest, and I was sure I could see a waterfall. I cracked my knuckles and looked at Eletto;
“You ready, partner?” I asked him, sparks flew from his prongs and he nodded. We set off.

I felt like I had been walking for days, only stopping to eat, sleep and run around blindly in long grass. I was hoping to trip over a Starly or something else that could potentially help me, but so far all I’d found were Caterpie and Weedle swarms, and so I decided to take a rest. It was a beautiful day, and the sun was shining down through the treetops, so I sat with my feet in a stream, relaxing in the shade, skimming through my journal. Eletto amused himself by using his Static to annoy bug Pokémon; paralyzing them mid-flight and watching them crash into trees,
“I guess he has a Naughty nature... either that or a Sadistic one” I thought to myself. I lay on my back, looking at the clouds, and sighed,
“Why couldn’t there be an interesting Pokémon here... something that doesn’t use String Shot...”
There was a rustling nearby, which caused me to spring up and turn to face the trees, my eyes traced the grass, the treetops, but nothing was there... except for a few Kakuna, swaying in the breeze.
“I was sure I heard something...”
I frantically searched the grass for my glasses, I took them off when I lay down but that was beginning to seem like a bad idea, by the time I found them and could focus on the forest, Eletto was walking around in the long grass at the base of the trees, his prongs just barely visible.
“Get back here!” I shouted, but he seemed to have found something and beckoned me over. I rushed to where he stood, and he pointed at a footprint. He danced around and sparked with excitement...this wasn’t Entei, but it wasn’t a Weedle either.

We both dashed off into the forest, following the strange footprints, I was hoping for an amazingly powerful Pokémon,
“Tyranitar... Dragonite...” I thought to myself as we ran, I was expecting something incredible to be at the end of the trail, and I could hardly contain my excitement. I began to sprint, Eletto tried hard to keep up. The trees seemed to fly past us as we charged deeper into the wood, diving over fallen trees and ducking under branches, narrowly avoiding being caught in Spinarak webs and racing past all kinds of Pokémon. We followed the footprints until they abruptly stopped at the base of a thin, odd tree which was covered in deep scratches. It was surrounded by several other trees, similar looking, but each of them smaller than the scratched one. We looked around a little to see if we could see where the Pokémon that left the prints had run off to next, but we noticed something totally different, something you rarely see. A herd of Rhydon and Rhyhorn marching about fifteen feet away from us, a Rhyperior leading the group out the forest and across the dirt plain at the base of the cliffs to the east. I could see a series of caves at the cliff base; it must have been their home, while the forest was their feeding grounds. I pulled out my journal, crouched down, and begun to sketch the herd, I watched them pass slowly as my pencil frantically sped around the page, until my drawing was complete. I adorned it with small notes: how the younger, weaker Rhyhorn were near the centre, how the Rhyperior in front was constantly turning to check his herd, and how other Pokémon rushed back behind trees, to avoid the thundering group. I couldn’t help but be impressed at the force of them, the way their footsteps caused the ground to rumble and crack. Eletto seemed impressed too, He looked pumped up, like he was determined to test his strength on the group leader, the way he was looking at it and sparking... I didn’t feel great about that at all... After repeated attempts to drag Eletto back, he finally followed; I think he must have understood my telepathic shouts of;
“Don’t you dare!” and “If they get annoyed I’m not mopping you up!”
We backed off and watched the herd pass and they marched across the plains towards the cave system... all but one, a Rhyperior who had been following twenty feet behind the group, it must have been the herd leader at some point in time, but I guess it lost its position to the Rhyperior currently leading the group in a fierce battle a while back. The beasts body was covered in scars, some looking several years old, the Rhyperior was clearly older than the other and it looked injured. It had been attacked recently; it was covered in wounds, some recent enough to still be bleeding. The way it lumbered around with its nose in the air gave me the impression it was searching for something,
“Maybe whatever gave it those wounds is still around...” I said quietly to Eletto, though, it turned out I wasn’t quite as quiet as I thought I was; the Rhyperior was staring right at us...

Being face to face with a Rhyperior so soon into my journey wasn’t really part of my plan.
“Huh... It looks bigger in person than it does in the books...” I said to myself, my voice crackling with fear, Eletto gave me a look that made me feel like he was calling me an idiot. It raised its head up and let out a bellowing roar, a roar so loud, I felt my ears were about to burst. I dropped to my knees, closed my eyes and covered my ears until the noise stopped, and when I looked up, the Pokémon was slowly lurching towards us. Trees that were in its way were thrown aside like straws; rocks unlucky enough to be under its feet were pulverised under the behemoths weight, leaving only small dust piles. It began to pick up speed, and I knew we had no choice, we had to fight...
“Elekid vs. Rhyperior...awesome.” I muttered to myself...
Eletto charged power as the Drill Pokémon picked up a rock and aimed it at him. The beast roared, and I gave the order;
“Eletto, that’s Rock Wrecker! Jump up and dodge it!”
The rock begun to glow a bright red as the goliath gripped it between its claws. It roared once more and the rock was launched towards Eletto, who managed to leap and avoid the attack, barely. He landed near the opponent, who clearly wasn’t happy about missing. It began swinging its arms wildly and spinning its drill.
“Eletto, get behind it and use Low Kick!” I shouted, and my partner nodded. He rushed in, his small stature helping him avoid the much larger Pokémons slow, clumsy attacks.
“We might have a shot here...” I told myself as Eletto got behind it, turned sharply, before sweeping his leg into the back of Rhyperiors knee, causing the beast to stumble, but it didn’t look like it caused much damage, if any. It did, however annoy the beast, and as it struggled to get its footing on the soft ground, I saw my chance:
“Use Swift and aim for that gash on its shoulder!”
The electric Pokémon launched his Swift attack into a large open wound on the Rhyperior, which seemed much more effective, causing it to scream and grab the wound. It fell to its knees, and began to roll around in pain. While it thrashed around on the ground, the trees shook. At first I thought it was my imagination, but then I realised: These weren’t all trees; some were Pokémon, Sudowoodo.

I finally realised how the Rhyperior got injured, the Sudowoodo must have attacked the herd, to try and steer them away from this part of the forest, where their children, a small group of Bonsly lived, but the sheer power of the Rhyperior was too much, it scared them into hiding, which is why the Rhyperior was searching. It wanted to find the Pokémon that injured it, and get revenge

The Imitation Pokémon looked nervous, all but one. It was bigger than the others, and it was clearly older. One of the branches on its head was snapped off and it had scars from past battles covering its body, including a deep scar across its right eye. The scar looked quite to be quite recent, compared to the other scars across Sudowoodos body. This Sudowoodo was the odd tree from before, where the footprints stopped. I stepped over to it...
“Are you... are you the one who chased this Rhyperior off?” I stuttered as I looked at it.
It nodded, and gestured to the Bonsly,
“You were protecting the group?”
It nodded again, before turning its attention to the Rhyperior, who had gotten back on his feet, and was looking at the Alpha Sudowoodo. The brute was looking worse for wear, some of its older wounds had opened and had begun to bleed, and it was breathing heavily, it was standing by willpower and anger alone. The beast roared and charged, but the leader of the Imitation Pokémon easily evaded it, and smashed its hand into the beasts back, causing it to wail in pain.
“Wood Hammer...” I gasped, never having seen the move used with such power before. But the battle wasn’t over.
The Rhyperior launched a succession of glowing red rocks at the Sudowoodo, but it either evaded or smashed the rocks, without wasting any movements, spinning on its toes, swinging its fists. After its graceful yet destructive advance, the Sudowoodo was standing in melee range with the enraged behemoth. The Rhyperior swung its massive arm, but again, the Sudowoodo just jumped above, and showing its incredible skill, landed on the beasts forearm. Before the Drill Pokémon could shake it lose, Sudowoodo raised its hand above its head, the Pokémons entire arm begun to glow white and shudder slightly, before the Sudowoodo brought it down with incredible force straight into the Rhyperiors head,
“Hammer Arm...”
I still struggled when I saw Hammer Arm used, it brought back memories. My head rushed with the image of my father, and his Swampert, fighting off Entei... I could feel the heat from the flames, it seemed so real... I could feel the vibrations from the battle, I could see the Pokémon clearly, I could see every move, every attack, every injury, and when Swampert used Hammer Arm, and the shard flew at me, I fell unconscious.

I awoke with Eletto slapping and shocking me, I looked at him, still half unconscious;
“You’re some alarm clock, you know that?” I slurred to him. He gave me that “You’re an idiot” look again. I sat up slowly, the sun was lower in the sky than I remember, and there was an orange glow to the trees around me, it was getting late. When my focus came back I began to hear what I heard before I passed out, smashes, roars and wails. It was several hours later and the two Pokémon were still locked in battle. Both looked like they were about to fall, both wobbled as they moved, both were heavily injured, but neither wanted to lose.

I stumbled to my feet and kept myself steady against a tree, I was just in time to see the battle rejoin, as the two Pokémon charged at each other. The wild Rhyperior thrust its horn forward, a Horn Drill attack, but the Alpha Sudowoodo managed to avoid it, barely. It was grazed by the attack and winced in pain, but managed to keep his footing. The Sudowoodo retaliated with another Wood Hammer smash to the beasts back, knocking it to the ground. I could see the Rhyperior gathering energy in its mouth, and knew what was coming; I rushed forward towards the battle and shouted:
“Sudowoodo! Be careful! It’s about to use Hyper Beam!” The Imitation Pokémon nodded, but didn’t move, I was worried, but it seemed confident. The Rhyperior lurched to its feet, blood dripping from its wounds, its breathing heavy and laboured. The rock beast opened its mouth to the sky, a ball of energy begun to form, it grew larger and swirled violently in the brutes gaping maw. The orb continued to get larger and larger until it was completely filling the beasts mouth. The Rhyperior dropped to all fours and fired a Hyper Beam attack. The sheer force of the attack caused the Rhyperior to slide back slightly, digging its claws into the earth to brace itself as the twisting beam screamed towards the Sudowoodo, who managed to dive out of the way at the last second, narrowly missing a direct hit. The tree rolled on the ground, and crashed into a rock, before struggling to its feet again. It saw its chance, and used Mimic. The Imitation Pokémon lived up to its title: It gathered energy between its hands, begun focussing the power into a ball, and fired a Hyper Beam right into the Rhyperiors side. It was too close for the heavy Pokémon to dodge, and even if it was fast enough, it had used too much energy, and had to recharge. It wailed in pain before falling to the ground, Sudowoodo was victorious, barely. It also fell to the ground. The whole Sudowoodo herd rushed to the Alpha, who passed out, exhausted.

Eletto and I followed the herd, before pushing our way to their leader.
“Hmm... He’s hurt, but it’s nothing too bad, I have a few Hyper Potions that’ll heal him right up!” I told the herd, causing them to cheer and jump around. I sprayed their Alpha, causing some of his wounds to heal, but he was still exhausted.
“Eletto, we’re gonna have to wait, I can’t leave until I’m sure he’s ok”
Eletto nodded and sprung off. He ran around for a bit before wandering over to the small group of Bonsly. They seemed to like seeing the sparks shoot between Elettos prongs. I sat on a rock beside the Alpha, and got out my journal. I sketched the Sudowoodo herd, and their leader, once again covering the page with notes; their habitat, their behaviour, their mannerisms, everything important. I stretched out my feet and relaxed, but I was constantly checking Eletto wasn’t making more trouble, and occasionally, somewhat nervously, checking the fallen Rhyperior...
“Don’t wake up, Don’t wake up, Don’t wake up” I told it, over and over, while at the same time looking at the Sudowoodo sleeping on the ground next to me and whispering
“You saved me, Eletto, and your entire herd; you deserve more thanks than just these Potions...”
The Sudowoodo stirred, and came to, I looked down at it and said;
“You won, you’re strong”. I looked over to the herd, taking note of how happy they seemed, none of them injured, or panicking, they had faith in their Alpha.
“You’re a good leader” I told him, as I watched Eletto dancing around with the Bonsly.
“Any trainer would be lucky to have a Pokémon as powerful and skilled as you with them”
I felt a stony hand on my knee, as the Sudowoodo attempted to sit up,
“Take it slow” I told him, but he didn’t listen, he stood up, and his herd stopped, silent. They all looked over at him. He said something that caused the herd to look at me; they looked anxious, and somewhat shocked. The Alpha tapped my shoulder, and I turned to see him looking at me. He pointed at himself, then me, then to a Poké Ball on my belt.
“You want to come with me?” I asked nervously.
It nodded. I removed the ball from my belt, and got ready to capture it, but it put its hand on mines, and lowered it. The Sudowoodo shook its head before pointing to Eletto, then itself.
“You want to battle first?”
It nodded again.
“You sure you’re ready for a battle?” I asked,
“You just woke up after fighting a Rhyperior!”
It pounded its chest, and nodded once more, firmly.
“Well then...Eletto, get over here!” I shouted, but he must have been listening, as he was at my feet, and sparking, he seemed excited.

“We’re ready when you are!” I shouted, The Sudowoodo nodded in acknowledgement, and the battle begun. Sudowoodo rushed towards Eletto, despite being tired, and recently injured, it still had most of its speed and power, as it showed with its opening attack: Wood Hammer. Eletto managed to dodge, but this seemed... different. I caught on. It was a show of power rather than an attack, he was trying to intimidate us, and he managed to show a lot of power..
“Careful Eletto...” I muttered, but he was too excited to listen, He rushed towards the Sudowoodo, standing in front of him and prepared to attack,
“Use your Low Kick!” I shouted, and he responded with a loud buzz. He rushed forward, slid across the ground, spun around and kicked the Sudowoodo, sending it stumbling backwards, but it kept its footing.
“That looked like it hurt... we’ll need more power to win this one though...” I told Eletto. He nodded, and sparked up. Sudowoodos arm began to glow white... he was going to use Hammer Arm... I felt the rush of memories I always felt when I see Hammer Arm, but managed to stay upright and conscious, I looked at Elettos arm,
“Wait a minute... If Eletto could copy that attack, we’d win for sure...” I thought to myself,
“Eletto, do you think you could try to copy that attack?” I asked, knowing that Hammer Arm was probably too advanced for him, but he nodded, and seemed confident. Eletto concentrated on Sudowoodo, watched its arm while the Imitation Pokémon charged. It raised its arm in the air,
“Eletto dodge now!” I shouted, the little Pokémon jumped backwards, the Sudowoodos fist crashing centimetres from his face, causing a tremor I felt from several meters back, I shouted to Eletto;
“Eletto! Jump up and try the Hammer Arm!”
He buzzed and leapt into the air, I watched him jump up above the Sudowoodo; he began whirling his arm, like he was charging for a ThunderShock, but instead crashed his fist onto the opponents head.
He bounced off and rolled across the ground towards me, while the Sudowoodo stood where it was struck, it looked a little dizzy, but no worse for wear. Eletto stumbled to his feet, and held his arm,
“Sorry Eletto, I knew that would be too much for you...” I told him while I looked at his arm, and sprayed it with a Potion. He turned at looked at me and shook his head; he held up his other arm and nodded.

“You... you wanna try again?” I asked. Eletto shook his head. He held up his arm closer to my face, and it glistened slightly.
“Wait... Ice Punch? When did you learn that?” I asked, excited that we might win now, that we had a chance. Eletto grinned and looked up at me, his eyes sparkling with pride and his prongs sparking:
“Eletto!” I shouted, my voice filling with excitement,
“Use Ice Punch!”
Eletto buzzed as he rushed forward, his fist began to cover with ice, He got close to the Sudowoodo, who was still a little dizzy from the Pseudo Hammer Arm, he pulled his fist back, stopped suddenly, but his fist kept moving, with all the force of his sprint, the icy fist crashed into the stomach of the Imitation Pokémon, sending it rolling back, it slid across the ground and crashed into a tree.
“Well done!” I shouted, Eletto jumped around, happy with his first successful Ice Punch, but it still wasn’t enough, the Sudowoodo managed to get back to its feet. It looked at us and nodded.
“I think it’s beginning to realise we’re skilled...”
It raised both arms above its head, they started to glow white; Dual Hammer Arm.
“Eletto, you have to dodge it!” I shouted as the Sudowoodo began to charge. It built up speed, quickly closing on Eletto. I could see my partner preparing to evade as the opponent got close. Sudowoodo swung one of its arms down, barely missing Eletto as he jumped backwards, he continued jumping back, but the Sudowoodos swing wasn’t an attack. The blow struck the ground, the force launching the Pokémon towards Eletto at a startling pace, it spiralled as he closed in, spinning faster and faster until it reached him. The force of the rotations, combined with the fists weight, and the attacks sheer power crashed down onto Eletto. He managed to sidestep at the last second, but his arm was smashed with the full force of the blow, causing him to fall to the ground and let out a cry.
“Eletto!” I screamed, as the Sudowoodo stood up. I rushed over, and the closer I got, the more I saw, Sudowoodo had missed, by millimetres, his attack just grazing Eletto.
“So what was that cry for?” I asked Eletto, Who raised his arm above him, the forearm covered in ice;
“You used Ice Punch at the last second?” I asked, to which he nodded. He got to his feet and stared at the Sudowoodo, who was beginning to wobble, he looked weakened. The sun had set now, and the moon was beginning to rise, dark clouds were beginning to form overhead, and the Sudowoodo herd were looking up.
“Rain...”

I guessed the Rock types weren’t fond of rain, as they marched to the shelter of the trees, all except the pack leader, who was still staring down Eletto, preparing to finish the battle.
“Get ready with one last Ice Punch” I told my partner, who nodded in agreement. Lightning struck the ground nearby as thunder crashed, that signalled the two Pokémon to return to battle. Eletto rushed forward, his fist glistening with ice, glowing a faint blue. The Sudowoodo dug its hands into the ground, and begun pulling up large rocks and hurling them towards the yellow blur racing towards it. The rocks smashed the ground around Eletto, he managed to evade the Rock Throw as he sped towards the tree. He managed to get into range for Ice Punch, but the Sudowoodo had been charging power in its arms. The tree slammed its arms into the ground, launching itself straight into the sky with another Hammer Arm. I looked up to watch the tree rocket upwards towards the clouds, his right arn begun to glow a bright blue. It pulled its left arm back, and swung forward, the force of the swing caused the tree to rotate as it ascended. The whirling tree built up speed as it begun to fall, it held out its arm, now glowing a striking blue. Eletto stood watching the sky, his arm forming with ice as lightning crashed all around, the Sudowoodo raced down to the ground directly above Eletto, this Wood Hammer was meant to finish the battle.
“You have to dodge it!” I shouted to Eletto, but the thunder was roaring too loud for him to hear me. A bolt of lightning crashed to the ground about ten feet from me, I thought about rushing to the forest to take cover, but couldn’t abandon Eletto. The Sudowoodos attack crashed into the ground, the impact caused a large dust cloud to erupt from the spot the attack hit.
“Eletto!” I screamed, I couldn’t see what happened, I couldn’t see a thing, until the dust settled. The Wood Hammer had crashed onto Eletto, but the electric Pokémon, but Eletto had raised his fist, and had smashed the tree with an Ice Punch. The Sudowoodo was swaying, struggling to stay standing, but Eletto seemed to be in a similar predicament, and he seemed like he had no fight left in him either.
“Eletto, it’s almost ready to capture! Do you think you can hit him once more, and focus power into your Static?” I shouted, hoping this would work. Eletto slowly raised his fist, and weakly punched the Sudowoodo. Nothing. He tried again, and again, nothing. He buzzed loudly, and weakly whirled his arms, drawing in electricity from the lightning clouds, and launched one last, weak punch, as the hit connected, Sudowoodos entire body began to cover in static. The plan had worked.
“Well done Eletto, it’s paralyzed!” I shouted. Eletto looked at me, I could see he was at his limit, and this was my chance: I took a Poké Ball off of my belt.

“Here goes...” I thought to myself as I pulled my arm back. I threw the Poké Ball at the Sudowoodo, and it drew the Pokémon inside. The ball fell to the ground and shook, the red light glowing brightly in the moonlight, the ball shook once, Eletto turned to watch. It shook again, The herd of Sudowoodo peered over and begun to get closer. It shook a third time...

 

Plot/storyline: So basically this boy and his family were attacked by an Entei, who burned their house to the ground and attacked them. The boys father eventually fights on of the fire dog, breaking a piece of it's crest off during the battle. Fastforward several years ahead and the broken piece now serves as a modern day pendant to the boy, who has pledged to hunt down the Entei.

Although the reason why he wants to hunt down the Entei is never clear, (all that is said is that he wants answers.... So would that be revenge, wants to know why it happened etc) I have to say, this was one of the better plots I have seen to this point, definitely beats the usual "boy runs into forest, boy sees Pokemon, boy catches Pokemon", so kudos in that respect.

That said, the story was a little too fast paced, I thought there were parts where you could have fleshed the story out a little bit more. For instance in the sentence:

You could have described his journey back to this former home. I mean, how long did it take him? How had the place changed in the 14 years? Or better yet, you could have explained where it was, as it stands, I have no idea where all of this is taking place. And I thought that could have been fleshed out a little bit more than it was.

Another example where you could have gone a little more depth on was the following:

Ok, I've been guilty of this myself, so I can't fault you too much, but just saying "a few days later" really leaves a lot to be desired. I realize that it is a lot more efficient to skip ahead a few days, but really, putting in some type of filler and letting the reader know what is going on can really make a world of difference in how the reader perceives the world the story takes place in and the context they see it in.

Other than that, which is just a minor complaint; I really did enjoy the plot, it was a fresh new angle I hadn't previously come across before and it was a nice change or pace. So job well done.

Grammar/Spelling: I thought this was probably your strongest area in the story, your spelling was great, the grammar was pretty good, although at times your choice of words, while not wrong, was totally awkward. However, I do have one major complaint. That is your preference for writing in GIANT WALLS OF TEXT.

Seriously, you really need to learn how to break up your paragraphs more, a giant wall of text is soooooooooo unattractive. And it's infinitely tougher to read than nicely paragraphed sentences. Even as short as this story was, (compared to others I've graded) I had a really tough time reading through simply because it was block of text after block text. I could give you example after example, but I'm not as I believe it will serve little purpose than to just extend the length of my grade and portray me as redundant. Instead, I'm just going to say that it will serve you well to practice spacing your paragraphs a bit more, and if you have questions, feel free to ask me.

Detail/Description: Ok, so I have to admit, I found your descriptions really lacking for a majority of the story. You kind of redeemed yourself in the battle scenes where you did much better, but as a whole, your descriptions were pretty poor and it really hurt your story.

So this ranged from failing to describe your character at all, to things such as describing Sudowoodo, or your surroundings. One thing that you have to be aware of when writing is that what you see in my head isn't necessarily what the reader is going to see, therefore it is extremely important to describe the simplest things from, the ground your characters walks on, to the burned down house, to the character himself/herself and his Pokemon.

Length: Enough

Battle: Ok, so in this case they're were several battles and although both were pretty action packed I have to say I didn't enjoy either all that much; as both seemed kinda redundant. I say this largely because a majority of the battle seemed to be nothing more than Sudowoodo spamming mass amounts of Hammer Arm; every other attack by the tree Pokemon was Hammer Arm, Hammer Arm, it got entirely trying to continue reading the exact same thing over and over and over.

Like I said, both were pretty action packed, and you had some good ideas, like the crowd retreating when it started to rain, or Sudowoodo using Hammer Arm to launch itself up, but these small pockets of relief were few and far between and for the most part, I just felt that I was by and large reading the same thing every other sentence.

Another problem I had, going back to earlier in the grade; was the lack of description. At times you did an excellent job of describing some of the attacks, again going back to the scene where Sudowoodo uses Hammer Arm to launch himself towards Elekid. Other times your description was as plain and boring as this:

This is a perfect example of why it's important to pay attention to detail and do your best to describe to the reader exactly what is going on. If I were to ask you: "When you read that passage, how does it play out in your head? That is, what do you see in your head, how do you imagine it?"

Well chances are, that it is quite different then how I, or anyone other person sees it. As an author, you have to realize that each reader is going to interpret or see actions and events differently. That is why it is your job to get across as best you can, exactly what it is you see and how it plays out. Description and detail are a major part of this.
For example: Which of the following do you think is more descriptive and therefore which do you think the reader will have a clearer vision of?

Or

Please take note that this is by no stretch of anyone's imagination the 'correct' way to describe what just happened. Rather that is simply how I see that particular scene playing out. As you can see, my version of Hyper Beam is probably vastly different from yours. The important difference however is that everyone can read and see how it's playing out in my mind, versus yours where it's up to the reader and their imagination.

This may seem like a lot of writing, but trust me, it really is only a little extra work that I can promise you, not only makes a world of difference, but will pay off very well.

Another to add, and this is only my view, so take it for what's it worth, which is zero. Try not to make the battles so lopsided. It seemed, at least to me that the Rhyperior battle especially was decided right from the start. Usually it's a bit more excited if the reader is kept guessing who is going to win and how, rather then just reading how one side got smashed by the other.

Outcome: Sudowoodo........ Not Captured!

Sorry, I was really on edge as to whether or not to give this to you, I really was. Unfortunately Sudowoodo is of a higher quality than some other Pokemon, and I think the lack of description coupled with the slightly lopsided battle and extremely long blocks of text just ultimately tipped the scales against you.

That said, it really and truly won't be hard for you to edit this. I'm guessing this is your first story and you did pretty well with it; simply break up your paragraphs a little more, flesh out the battle scene and you'll have the tree in a heartbeat.

Good luck.

 

Thanks for the feedback.
I'm gonna go back and try to add more detail, alter the battles a little, and just generally try to tune the story up a litle.
It's good to know where I went wrong. Once I've given this some work, would you be so kind as to regrade it?

 

Spent my free time this week working on fine tuning this
Added more detail, fleshed out the battles
So it's ready for regrading whenever you get time.
Sorry, I don't have enough posts to send private messages

 

Ehhh, I still think you could improve upon the story a little more, but overall, you definitely did as I asked and considering this is your first story, I'm going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt.

Sudowoodo..... Captured!
Remember what I said in my original grade as it still applies. There is a lot of room for improvement, which isn't to say you are bad, but there are few things that you can work on to make your writing better.

Have fun with new pocket monster

In the meantime, I'm going to make like some sort of tree.
harharcwutididthar