Torrent and Static

BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEP

The alarm clock screeched into life heralding the start of the new day as rays of sunlight peered through the semi-translucent curtains, but Palmer was only interested the immeasurable comfort of his mattress and duvet. Oh sure, today was the first day of the Pokemon adventure he had waited practically his whole life for. His entire adolescence was based on plaguing his parents to travel the world battling and collecting Pokemon like his older brother Jimmy. He had worked day and night every weekend and throughout the four previous summers to save up the three grand he now had in his bag, withdrawn from his account the day before. Throughout his entire school life he had day dreamed, fantasized, neglected homework and studying all because his thoughts raced with hope and expectations of the adventures his parents promised he could take when he turned 18. Now, exactly one week after he came of age, he was ready. Well nearly.

After hitting the snooze button for the third time Palmer was pelted with a stream of cold water jolting him upright and into life. A Squirtle, sick of the incessant alarm clock whine, stood on the end of the bed. He stood at nearly two feet tall and his aqua blue skin glistened lightly from the thin film of water it was coated with. Palmer was given Squirtle as a birthday present from his older brother. He had bred it especially for Palmer from his own Blastoise, who many years ago had been his own starter Pokemon. After only a week of bonding, Palmer and his Squirtle were a tight-nit pair. They had tested out his moves and worked on improvements, from accelerating his Rapid Spin, to getting the right snap from his Aqua Tail. Admittedly they still needed a lot of work. The last time Squirtle had tried a Hydro Pump , 6 people were drenched, a window was smashed and Palmer sported a trendy black eye. They weren't quite Batman and Robin yet, but they were on their way.

Palmer, quite a bit ticked off by his rude awakening, threw his pillow at the tiny turtle, before laughing at his comical fall and hilarious attempts to get back up off his shell-back. Palmer picked him up and the two called it quits. “Well this is it buddy,” sighed Palmer, “ The day we hit the road and make a name for ourselves.” Squirtle excitedly exclaimed his own name. The dedication between the two was palpable.

A few hours later, and after many psuedo-tearful goodbyes, promises to ring home regularly and last minute packing the pair strolled out of town into the wilderness. The sun shone brightly, bathing the countryside in a healthy warm glow. Palmer strolled through meadows of lush grass which swayed gently in the breeze. Already he felt in his element. He felt like he was lving in one of the amazing stories his brother Jimmy had regaled him with. He was enthralled with the descriptions of Pokemon which gracefully leapt trees, majestically soared the skies and nobly swam the oceans. Every aspect of nature thrilled Palmer. A boulder could have a Geodude and the clouds were like giant floating Mareep filling the skyline. Squirtle, oblivious to it all, sat on top of Palmer's shoulders squirting thin jets of water at insects floating by. He seemed to prefer being out of his Pokeball, which was dangling from Palmer's neck. Palmer was all too happy to allow him that freedom, and enjoyed the camaraderie between the two. The lifestyle of a Pokemon Trainer was new to them both and they were brimming equally with optimism.

After covering more miles than either traveler cared to count, hunger won its never ending battle against the stomach. Resting under the cool and welcome shade a gnarled old tree in a circular clearing by the tall grass, the two dogged into the first of their provisions. It wasn't long though before wild Pokemon started appearing looking for scraps. Uninterested in catching, let alone battling the meagre Ratatas which appeared with annoying frequency, Squirtle keep them at bay with some well aimed Water Guns. Palmer knew that strong Pokemon were rare, but of all the Pidgeys and Caterpies he fought off, not one of them struck him as something he wanted on his team. He just couldn't picture ever toppling a Charizard with String Shot.

“SQUIRRRTTT !!!” The cry woke Palmer from the nap he had unconsciously slipped into. Bolting upright he saw Squirtle jumping around haphazardly dodging jolts of electricity shooting from the long grass. “Must be an Electric type after our food,” thought Palmer. Unfortunately that obvious revelation cost Squirtle dearly as, unsure of what to do and not receiving advice from his trainer, he was struck by bolt of surging electricity. Palmer, swearing at himself for not immediately springing into action, kick-started a chain of thoughts in his head. He commanded Squirtle to unleash a torrent of Water Guns into the grass to flush out the culprit. The powerful spray of water flattened the grass and the attacker was revealed. A small yellow Pokemon stood there, with black stripes circling his surprisingly bulky arms and a black lightning bolt shape adorning his chest. Two prong like horns protruded defiantly from his head, between which a small current seemed to arc. It was an instantly recognizable Elekid.

Wary of the electricity sparking from its body, and the serious type disadvantage against them, Palmer ordered Squirtle to keep his distance and launch another Water Gun. The Elekid, drenched and noticeably distressed by counter-attack, erected a transparent yellow wall in front of himself. Squirtle's attack bounced mostly harmless of the Light Screen. Seeing an opportunity to strike back, Elekid leapt forward while readying a punch. Its small, stocky fist crackled and sparked with electrical energy and power. “Iron Defense, Squirtle !!!”, Palmer cried desperately as he feared for his Pokemons safety. Squirtle withdrew swiftly into his shell which began to shine with a subtle silver lustre. Elekid's Thunder Punch hit home and small lightning bolts shot off the hardened shell. Not wasting a moment Palmer commanded Squirtle to use a Water Pulse. He shot a ring of water at the Elekid, which like the attack before was severly weakened by the Light Screen. But the gambit was a success as Elekid began stumbling in confusion. “Now Squirtle, Aqua Tail”, Palmer shouted. Swinging his squirrel tail with powerful torque, Squirtle pounded the staggering Elekid. Just as Palmer was going to command another attack, an electric current ran from Elekid's body up through Squirtle's tail. He tumbled backwards convulsing, before lying down crippled with paralysis.

With both Pokemon incapacitated for the time being, Palmer knew exactly what to do. That Elekid had battled tactically with impressive power. Palmer wanted it bad. Leaping to his bag by twisted, old tree, he instantly began rummaging for one of the small spheres he had packed. Fishing a Pokeball out of the bag, Palmer turned back to the battle scene. Both Pokemon were still on the ground, though Elekid was recovering. Wasting no time, Palmer lobbed the Pokeball at the living electric plug before him. As it zapped into the ball in a vivid, red light Palmer wondered whether it would put up much of a fight. The ball dropped to the ground and gently shook. The vibrations seemed to last eons. Palmer wondered if the ball would shatter and disappear into the ether as unsuccessfully used balls do while the Elekid ran free, or become his first capture...

 

I re-read there and edited a few mistakes and took into account that I shouldn't confirm the capture, but its done now. Ready for grading

 

Introduction, Characters, Backstory:Good intro, the first two paragraphs descriptively and interestingly introduce your characters (Palmer and Squirtle.) The introduction gives enough information that the reader isn't left wondering, 'exactly who is this kid?'
The one thing that I would suggest that you add would be a description, physically and perhaps personality-wise, of Palmer; see the 'Description' section below.

Plot Content, Plot Flow: Plot-wise, this story is the basic, "Trainer recieves starter Pokémon, Trainer goes on adventure looking for Pokémon to catch, Trainer finds and battles Pokémon." The simplicity of the plot, however, is not a problem: This is a Simple-rated capture after all, and trying to make too complex a plot would simply inflate the word/letter count pointlessly.


Grammar, Sentence Flow: Near perfect, as far as I could tell. A few words missing, mostly minor articles such as 'of,' 'the,' though there is an invisible 'would' in the story's last sentence.
Honestly, though, such quibbles are not nearly noticeable enough to 'mark you down,' since they don't detract at all from the readability of the story.

Detail, Description: This is commonly an area that needs work: Everyone, from people who are completely new to story-writing, to veteran writers, tends to occasionally forget to describe their characters and the world around them.
You, on the other hand, didn't forget. With the exception of the fact that your main character, Palmer, remains a giant question mark in the reader's mind, everything is well described. Kudos, though I would suggest remembering to tell your reader what Palmer looks like.


Battles: Your innovative use of the attacks stands out over and above the base requirements for a story intended for a Simple-rated capture. The attacks aren't limited to only their in-game effect, as is evident from the way Squirtle uses a Water Gun to flatten the grass Elekid is hiding in.
Great job. After all, no one wants to watch a turn-based battle in which almost every attack hits unless they're actually playing the game.


Overall: A simple plot and good grammar, if perhaps a little heavy on the paragraph size, serve as a good, stable base on which to build the parts of this story that really shine.
The characters are introduced and roleplayed well, the details of their actions and the descriptions of the world around them are artful, and the battle is engaging and well-written.
This story is a brief but streamlined read which meets and exceeds the requirements, length- and quality-wise, for a Simple catch. Great job, and I look forward to seeing more of your writing in future!


Result:
Elekid: CAUGHT.