The Tales of Weedle the Bard

Burmy
Easiest
3K-5K
4467

The Tales of Weedle the Bard
Chapter One: The Little Burmy​

A small group of children ran around through the tiny toy store. The toy store was more a shack than a store. It was made entirely of wood, complete with wood shelves and wooden ladders to reach the higher shelves. It was a quaint store with a very homey and laidback feel to it. The particulars of the store seemed lost in comparison to the grand book that sat on the highest shelf of the store.

The book was massive and a deep red color, although you could hardly tell because of the mass quantities of dust that covered it. The cover was partially torn and the title of the book was illegible from the wear it appeared to have. The book looked like it had been loved to death, and then abandoned. It had a content aura around it, almost as if it felt like it had served its purpose and it just wanted to live out the rest of its years in peace. Needless to say, the stories in this book had once warmed the hearts of little children all around the toy store.

Suddenly, a burst of wind came howling through the window before the owner could close it. The wind shook the small store to its core, rattling the toys around the shelves and knocking others onto the floor. This wind not only affected the toys, but it managed to give a strong enough push to open the cover of the book. With this slight nudge, you could feel the room brighten as the stories began to flow from the pages. The first story came into view; it was a story about a simple Burmy whose cloak didn’t match everyone else’s. The store read:

The Little Burmy​

Once upon a time, there was a little Burmy. Although small in stature, she was extraordinarily large in spirit. She was afraid of nothing. Not spinarak, not the occasional thunderbolt, and not even afraid of the bully Bibarel who would try to cut down her tree. She led a peaceful coexistence with the Combee. They provided her with honey and she provided them with protection. Everyone understood this concept, and they more than understood that they shouldn’t mess with this Burmy. She would kick their rear-ends all the way to Johto.

One day an oblivious Bidoof got tricked into thinking that this tree was abandoned and he could easily cut it down with a few Hyper Fangs, bring it home to his family, and they would feast on honey for the rest of the week. The Burmy was not to happy about this little Bidoof attacking her home, so she decided to give this Bidoof a Bug Bite he wouldn’t soon forget. After the first bite sunk in on the poor Bidoof’s frame, Burmy wasn’t satisfied. So she went for another Bug Bite. And then another. And another after that one. And she just kept delivering bite after bite to this poor Bidoof who had no idea as to what he had done wrong.

Eventually Burmy finally got tired of biting this beaver and decided to let him go back, assuming he had learnt his lesson. Burmy was in for a great shock when she looked up. She had attacked the poor beaver all the way into town. And worse yet, her cloak had started to turn pink. This was a complete travesty. The other Burmy would make fun of her and ridicule her pink cloak. She had no idea as to what she could do. She tried jumping into the fountain and rolling around in the nearby dirt to get the color out, but the rocks gathered in her cloak and soon her cloak had turn light brown. She had no chance of keeping her scary reputation anymore. Everyone would make fun of her when she got back.

When she got back, her predictions ended up coming true. The other Burmy started to make fun of her and call her “Sandy” while laughing their heads off. She could do nothing but hang her head in shame. So now the Bibarel who had sensed her moment of weakness, were bullying her again and she just felt so ashamed that she couldn’t do anything. That was, she couldn’t do anything until the Bibarel tried to cut down her home and hurt her Combee friends. The Combee hadn’t made fun of her and she was willing to repay the debt. So she started laying down her own form of leafy justice, and little did she know, it was working even better than before.

After driving the Bibarel off for a final time, she relaxed and thanked the Combee for always being kind to her. No matter the color of her cloak, she would fight to protect the innocent and their way of life. Of course, it also helped her morale that the brilliant green color returned to her cloak after a few days back in her native environment, but she had learnt her lesson. And so had the Bibarel.

 

Claimed.

 

Intro: Your intro was cute and pulled me into the story. You've got a magical book in an adorable toy store. Good job on setting the mood.

Plot: Your plot was very simple, but that's okay since you were only aiming for a Burmy. In fact, the simpleness of the story adds to its charm. If you keep the chapters of this story this simple though, don't try to aim for very high level Pokemon. If you want anything Medium or above, you'll have to work on the plots.

Dialogue: There wasn't really any dialogue so I can't say anything here.

Grammar: I only saw one gramatical error.

You don't need a comma here:

It should be:

Good job on keeping your story free of grammatical errors. The only other thing I oticed was that some of your sentences could be combined to make it easier to read, though they're technically correct the way they are so I won't put them here. Keep up the good work.

Detail: You described the book and toy store wonderfully, though you didn't describe any of the Pokemon in your story very much. In the future, you should describe Pokemon as if you were describing them to someone who had never seen one before. You also didn't do that great of a description of the town or forest, though I'll excuse that since this is an Easiest level Pokemon.

Length: You needed a minimum of 3k for Burmy and you have about 4.5k, so you're fine.

Reality: There wasn't anything unrealistic about your story.

Personal Feelings: I thought your story was cute and a fun read. Try to add some more detail in the future, though.

Outcome: Burmy...captured.

Your story was cute, had few grammatical problems, and had a great intro. Work on more complex plots and add some more detail, and you'll be perfect. Here's your Burmy: