The Search for a Companion [cash]

I was alone and lost with no food, supplies, or shelter. I didn't know where I was, and nobody that cared about me knew, either. If anyone else was in my position, they would be afraid, lonely, and hopeless. Am I crazy for doing this to myself? Maybe, but I couldn't stand my old life any longer. My whole family never seemed interested in anything besides the mundane tasks of life- eating, sleeping, taking one day at a time. I wanted something more.

When I was younger, I had heard legends from my friends of champions that go from gym to gym taking down everything in their path- from Alakazam to Zangoose. We lived in the middle of nowhere, so the stories were seen as entertainment, not education. Despite that, deep in my heart, I knew they were true.

Now I know that I was right. I've made my way to a nearby town filled with people that know better. I spent my day yesterday trying to start my journey in the town, but had no success. Last night, I ran into someone who looked like they might be in a similar situation that I was: all alone and looking for food. They told me that the stories I believed were all true.

Trainers and Pokemon actually working together as a team, seeing the world, and tackling every challenge put in their way, it was all true. I couldn't have felt happier; after being told my entire life that the stories were just that- stories- I've finally found someone telling me that I'm right. Growing up thinking that there wasn't anyone else in the world who thought the same way I did and finally meeting someone who not only confirmed my beliefs but spoke of them as if they were everyday facts was unbelievably satisfying.

I wish I could have grouped up with the stranger so they could join my journey, but we had to part ways. They saw Pokemon battles as dangerous and pointless. My drive to win against trainers and Pokemon around the world wasn't matched by what could have been my new friend. Not only that, but they tried to discourage me and tell me that nobody would want to be my partner, that it was hopeless, that I...

I immediately stopped reminiscing. There was a distinct sound of footsteps. "At last", I thought to myself, "I'll be able to make that human to Pokemon connection that every gym conquerer begins with!"

I chased after the footsteps. My heart began to beat faster as the sound grew louder and louder- were they coming for me? I was excited, knowing that a Pokemon so willing to be caught wouldn't even have to be fought. Judging by the sound, my future partner was just mere moments away. I made my way out of the tall grass I was resting in and made my way to the middle of the road they were coming toward as fast as possible, knowing they would have to see me. "Everything's led up to this moment!" I thought to myself. I turned in the direction of the sound in gleeful anticipation.

Then I saw them. My excitement turned to horror as I realized that the stranger I met was right. What I had hoped would be my partner just kept running past me, ignoring me as if I wasn't there. It's just like I was told last night: nobody would want to be my partner. It was hopeless. I'm only a caterpie.

 

claiming!

 

Story

What a beautiful and introspective moment we have here! The journey you took us through the mind of this creature was filled with musing that many could emphasize with. The driving force of the story, whether or not this creature met with the companion it craved, was met by a twist at the end when we realize that this creature is just that, a lone Caterpie making its way through the world. With that twist, there's certainly enough entertainment within this to classify it as a lovely and thoughtful piece.

For future stories, I'd suggest two improvements: providing a "now this" component and some aspect of character development. The former refers to what you might have heard as "so what" - so what is important about this Caterpie? Why do we read its story at all, if, in the end, nothing truly happens to it? Not all stories have to end with a happy ending - in fact, some of the best stories have an ending on the other spectrum. However, the "so what" component provides some greater importance about life applied to the characters and our own life - is this story meant to reflect the hopelessness of seeking the perfect companion? Does this story symbolize bravery in face of the failure of friendships? Musing about the purpose of your story, what you the author want to communicate about life through your story, can help in achieving / guiding your story towards that endeavor.

For the second point, adding individual character development towards stories is an awesome way to immerse us within your world. What moved this lil gal or guy to become the Caterpie they are today? If its family just wanted to eat and sleep all day, what moved it to become different, to believe in all of the stories? I think adding these little details is a marvelous way to deepen up the story and make that character come alive. Otherwise, this story featured a fine character!

Description

You did a wonderful job of revealing what this Caterpie thought, which is often difficult in itself. For future stories, I'd recommend experimenting with broadening the level of showing vs. telling in stories. With telling, which mainly happened here, the narrator recounts events which happened to him or her without that event playing out in motion. It's fine as a technique and needed at times, but really immersive writing draws its readers in with description that takes hold of the reader as the actions happen. For a story like this, an example of "showing" would be elaborating upon the stories the Caterpie heard vs. just saying the Caterpie heard stories. The former requires more time, more action verbs, more deliberation in what's being written - I think it would certainly be a good avenue to practice for future writing!

Grammar

This is looking spectacular, especially for a first story!

Length

You've got about 3.6k here, which would traditionally land in the Easiest rank for Stories. By elaborating on the "so what" aspect and providing a clearer picture into your character's world, this may have lengthened - but it's certainly no worry on the quality of the story!

Outcome

I've deemed this story as befitting of the Easiest rank, so please claim 3k! ^^ Overall, this was an absolutely charming first story! You gave us a little window into the world of a brave Caterpie and I'm excited to see what adventures it'll go on! If you have any questions or want to workshop anything from this grade, please let me know! Congrats and belated WELCOME into the URPG!