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The Rebirth of Dragon Spiral Tower [Let's Catch a Golett!]

Discussion in 'Stories' started by juliorain, Nov 8, 2016.

  1. juliorain

    juliorain Member

    Blog Posts:
    Aug 7, 2016
    Likes Received:
    K I'm doing something rather crazy. I'm writing my story in verse. To keep the formatting as BMG forums nerfs it, I will link you to a google doc to see it.

    Title: The Rebirth of Dragonspiral Tower
    Pokemon I want to Catch: Golett [hard; 20-30k characters]

    The Rebirth of Dragonspiral Tower

    Character count ~~~ 20099
  2. juliorain

    juliorain Member

    Blog Posts:
    Aug 7, 2016
    Likes Received:
    [here is the raw text below. I promise you that it will be much easier to read with the formatting on the google doc I've linked.]

    When the winter sun set over the Dragonspiral tower

    Up north in Unova

    Past the twisting mountains and the damp, frozen Icrrus swamps

    Laid the dark, crumbling

    Tan spiraling building emerging from the lake

    The still lake

    The cold lake

    Frozen around the shores

    The water was ice black

    The housed spirits of Reshiram and Zekrom

    Eerily contained, as its topped as once once topped all others as sacred. Now



    The cracks of the walls lay bare and reminisce the long forgotten history of this locale.

    Bits of dust, gravel, and old, dried tiles

    Crack and fall

    Dirtying the old, flooded floor

    When Reshiram and Zekrom were summoned years ago

    A lingering emptiness lay in there. The native druddigon and golurk live without their master

    Facing the harsh quick winters of the region

    The area seems placid but is there something more?

    What has become of the dragonspiral tower?

    Is it sinking beneath the waves, or slowly rising to infinity, uncontained and rendered potentially obsolete

    Occasionally Icy Beartic and sawsbucks wander inside the front level to escape the snow

    But quickly vacate once they hear the slow movements of its residents

    Will they attack they fear? Or will they gladly welcome their presence?

    The pokemon do not know. And the pokemon do not take any risks.

    The golems in there take very seriously the protection of their homes and will hyper beam

    Them away

    The dragons in there will claw at them until their skin breaks to feel the air, raw

    This tower is sacred.

    Reshiram and Zekrom, will return

    They’re sure.

    When Kyurem was fused, and the other whisked away in N’s possession,

    The pokemon had an innate sense of knowing.

    they knew their guardian was improperly taken.

    They hope for its return.

    But when?

    No clue.

    One day, one chilly afternoon,

    A young girl walks from the south. Ever curious about the large mysterious tower.

    She knew of the horrors that transpired.

    She lived through the nightmare Team Plasma and their reboot caused.

    Her red-hot curiosity drew her.

    She was properly equipped.

    But she was scared

    Unsure what she would find. When entering the clearing from the woods all she could hear was the soft crunching of the snow

    Her breath turning visible,

    The dead trees rustling in the light breeze

    And the soft rippling of the lakefront beneath the surface ice.

    She knew she arrived. The tower was massive. The carvings on the wall were more intricate than she had ever seen before.

    Before stepping forward on the land bridge of gravel connecting the building and the shore

    She felt a shock

    Not of cold

    But of fear

    She gasped.

    Mental images flooded her mind of tragic scenes.

    Dark stormy clouds on a rooftop.

    N was there and neon green hair

    And Hubert… facing him.

    Reshiram was behind Hubert

    N was laughing maniacally, as he sat on zekrom’s back

    In a thunderous clap of lightning, both he and Zekrom disappeared.

    In another flash, she returned back to the current place.

    This place knew she arrived. And this place was ready to reveal its secrets. Or its suffering.

    Should she dare enter? Or leave, having seen enough?

    Was her curiosity burning just enough to be immediately extinguished?

    Or brave the potential maelstrom and continue.

    Feeling brave, she took one step further.

    The cold was punishing and her heavy jacket could only take so much time outside.

    She was warmly dressed. Magenta coat, light pink scarf. Warm blue jeans and furry boots. She is wearing long stockings beneath. Her beanie white.

    This girl almost resembled Dawn, the legendary Sinnohese performer.

    She was at least inspired by her rocket like success.

    In some was her ambition drove her to emulate her fondest role model.

    She has heard stories of her, but her hair was brown and almost like Burgh’s and her skin, white.

    Our heroine knew of Caitlyn. The psychic master.

    But our protagonist, she scoffs.

    She knew she had to go. The place was calling her.

    The place was boundless

    It needed to be explored.

    She received her seventh gym badge from Drayden in Opelucid city,

    And knew that if she were truly a legend, se would need to persevere.

    The activities of Team Plasma have ceased and Colress had disappeared

    Unova seemed to be in a calm stasis

    Politicas were boring and the world scarred

    There was no threat of another incident like that

    If anything the creatures in the Dragonspiral tower needed help.

    She gambled to take the risk.

    Each foot forward felt colder. Icy. Biting.

    The hole improperly bashed into the wall to enter was jarring.

    Who would disrespect such a treasure of Unova. Team Plasma knew no bounds, it seemed.

    The entry felt like entering a long last cave.

    The ground floor lay submerged in the water. The walls were dank and mossy.

    She knew that this place had been neglected. Will this tower collapse?

    The air was slightly warmer than the outside and she knew if she kept pursuing

    She would have to feel warmer.

    She could leave now

    Run back to Icrrus or

    There is protection there

    There is safety


    And uncover a secret or two with this mysterious locale.

    A haunting presence enthralled her in.

    The decision was hers. The fear wasn’t strong enough to cripple her progress.

    She continued.

    The echos of the building.

    It knew she was there

    And it was ready.

    It was dimly lit

    The only light flooded from the outside giving this place some sense of life,

    Everything in this place was in ruins. Why would pokemon so desperately hold onto their destroyed home?

    Our heroine looked around to see if there was an exit or staircase of some sort

    And out of the the blink of an eye

    A crack was heard

    Dust was felt on her head.

    She looked up and saw nothing. She turned around and and around constantly scanning her surroundings.

    Nothing there but foul stench of decay.

    Stench of rot and misery.

    The tower was clearly in a horrible state.

    She had to walk carefully. The floor was muddy, thin. It was still cold but much too warm to freeze.

    She didn’t want to feel the icy touch of water

    It was far too dangerous. She skirted around the slippery, muddy floor, clinging the walls. She Could only guess where the water was from the reflections in the building’s opening.

    Our heroine made it to the other side of the room

    Ready to go on.

    And heaved a sigh of relieve. There was some light coming from a stairway.

    She knew she had to continue.

    She had heard rumors that druddigon were found in great numbers on that floor but saw none.

    Were they scared? Dead? Hiding?

    She could not tell.

    The building is collapsing

    Or there is activity above?

    Our protagonist hoped it was the latter.

    At least the stairs were dry and the echoing was reduced.

    She felt like she was less in a cave and more like in an old ruined building now.

    She was somewhat relieved.

    Nevertheless, she took one step forward.

    One crack

    One pat

    One flashback.

    Or memory

    Or calling?

    Where is our guardian? They are missing. The tower is crumbling. The ancients are betrayed.

    One second: Gone.

    She didn’t know. Our heroine didn’t know.

    She was confused.

    The next room was lit better than the cavelike entrance, at least. She had to stay optimistic in these trying situations. What would she face next?

    The room was filled with giant, broken columns

    Crushed like rocks

    And lay in pieces.

    The romans and greeks would rather seem them burned.

    The columns were now boulders

    Already moved by forces unknown.

    It seemed empty and safe. Dust flew in the cold, filtered sunlight.

    Where are the pokemon?

    She looked up and guessed that the ceiling must be 20 ft high. Bits of columns overhang like stalagmites in caves.

    She feared them falling.

    She continued onwards and found the staircases leading to the next one.

    She still couldn’t keep it off her mind.

    Where were the pokemon?

    Nevertheless, she continued.

    The staircase was long and descended into a dark, spiralling, tunnel.

    It was the only way to the top.

    She pressed on.

    The stairs were small, old, and crumbling

    Brick? Concrete? Adobe?

    She didn’t know.

    Whatever it was, the corridor was just tall enough for her to fit without having to crouch and wide enough to places both her hands on opposite walls.

    Walking was warning.

    She expected another flashback or crazy event.

    What didn’t happen was scarier.

    Shouldn’t I have a flashback?

    Why hasn’t anything happened!?

    Oh this makes me nervous!

    After what appeared to be two minutes,

    There was a slight rumbling and the building tremored for a few seconds.

    Balancing on the walls.

    Closing her eyes, and

    Freezing our heroine in her tracks.

    The building was collapsing?

    There was no downward movement.

    Just silence and pebbles falling.

    Even the pebbles stopped eventually.

    Like everything.

    Something must be wrong.

    I want to help fix it.

    She knew.

    The air was colder. Something was suffering. The emptiness.

    The trembling.

    The flashbacks all seem connected.

    How exactly, she did not know.

    The stairs gave way to another chamber. This time this was an open chamber with platforms leading to a spiralling staircase.

    It seems to perpetually continue. Was she in another tower?

    Or was it the same?

    She jump across the the platforms in a way such that she was safe.

    It seemed clear of all life.

    Perhaps that is why the tower needs help.

    She looked up and saw a ceiling say

    50 feet above the head? It had holes and rings. She didn’t understand.

    This time there was a spiralling staircase

    White and heavenly

    Seemed to descend from heaven

    Floating but made of stone

    What held it together? /magic or spirits?

    Her imagination flooded with secrets of the past,

    Campfire lit rituals,

    Their shadows dancing against the walls

    She imagined reshiram and zekrom standing before the ancients

    Bowing to their awesome power.

    Their noble prowess over a humble and terrified populace.

    How dare Hubert and N command them to fight?

    Were they respected? Or does their legend remain a myth

    And are just normal living creatures like us?

    Whatever held the stones must be as ancient as the buildings.

    The building was as reflective as herself.

    Usually our protagonist finds herself completely unaware of though but now she felt a sudden deepening of her own mind and personality.

    Was this the work of a pokemon?

    She usually regarded Hubert’s legendary capture of Reshiram in high regard; something to emulate. And now she feels angry?

    Something was happening.

    The stairs were safe. There was a mysterious force that corrected her walking if she strayed too close to the rail-less edge

    Over the abyss.

    One wrong move

    One trip over a pebble

    And it is over.

    The walk up the spiraling staircase was nerve wracking.

    At least some spirit guided her up the way. She could relax somewhat. This should be the final room before the roof. Reshiram and Zekrom’s room of old. The room where N and Hubert fought. The room that nearly destroyed Unova.

    Circle upon

    Circle upon




    The stairs were ahead.

    The building rumbled.

    Knocked off her feet

    She couldn’t keep her balance.

    Flurries of dust feel and she coughed. He hat loosened, but maintained tightly under head

    The sweat felt cool.

    The tremor was stronger than the last. Was the building collapsing?

    Was she done?

    She was face up on the ground. And didn’t get up for fear of another tremble.

    Five minutes passed and she could breath safely

    She got up on her feet. She saw the stone staircase before her. Perhaps this led to the fabled room!

    The staircase led into another corridor to the one similar like before! How could this tower stand?

    The corridor was long.

    She ran

    She sweat, taking off her cap, the brisk air was refreshing.

    Maybe something will happen?

    The walk up the staircase lasted a few minutes opening up into another circular room. There were columns still misplaced, broken, rubble everywhere. There was a raised platform.

    She climbed up the raised platform and what was awaiting was a large teal and tan Golurk and two angry Druddigon behind the Golem.



    Behind them was a large break about eight feet tall with billowing angry clouts outside

    She thought it was sunny before entering.

    Where was she!?

    Did the Golurk and Druddigons want to fight?

    “Hello!” our heroine called.

    The two druddigons just left off a shrieking howl and sharpened their claws,

    They bowed up and down.


    The Golurk remained silent.

    It remained strong


    It lift up an arm and pointed directly to her. The two druddigons stepped forward, growling.

    They wanted blood.

    Druddigon were no match.

    She brought out two of her pokeballs, and called out Weavile and Beartic The two warriors that triumphed over Drayden and his army of dragons.

    The two wild druddigons didn’t care.

    They wanted blood.

    Both let out a fearsome cry.

    The Golurk let down its arms.

    The gait of the dragon was menacing


    Yet no real threat to the two ice pokemon.

    Or so it seemed.

    The Weavile and Beartic sharpened their claws.

    The pokemon were as confident as their trainer.

    Weavile clobbered Drayden’s Druddigon and Haxorus.

    Beartic iced his Fraxure.

    These dragons stood no chance.

    The dragons waited for Weavile and frozen-snot polar bear to move. They were calculating


    Weavile, Ice Shard. Beartic, Icicle Crash.

    Weavile grunted and the bear roared. The druddigons remained untouched.

    Did they not hear several punishing commands?

    Weavile’s claws glowed white.

    It jumped and performed a throwing motion. Swift. And powerful.

    A brilliant shard of white zipped across the battlefield.

    It approached a druddigon Cold.

    With a quick swipe of its claws deflected the ice shard.

    It bounced and glimmered.

    It shot straight into Beartic in the gut. It clutched its stomach in pain put one paw behind.

    While the Beartic was injured and the weavile stunned,

    In unison the the druddigons ran into the frozen ice pokemon

    And attacked both pokemon with powerful kicks to the face

    Punches to the gut

    Sending weavile flying koed

    Toppling over Beartic, dazed and knocked out.

    Our heroine fell victim to their powerful superpower attacks.

    Our heron had to recall the fainted ice pokemon. Perplexed.


    She quickly looked at the Golurk from behind, it stood there





    What did it want.

    What did she have.

    Our heroine sent out her Metang and Gabite as the powerful druddigons walked back to their Golurk master.

    The Druddigons let out a battling cry as they dug their claws onto the tiles.



    Their war cry unfathomably powerful.

    The building rocked like before but our heroine did not trip.


    That would be a sign of weakness.

    She needs her strength to defeat these foes.

    It was too late to run and it was too late to hide.

    The thunder outside intensified.

    Gabite, uh, hide behind a pillar and use Draco Meteor!

    Metang, hide behind behind on of the columns and set a reflect!

    We can’t let these Druddigon attack together!

    Let us dance a dance to maintain our safety.

    These druddigon are no ordinary foe.

    The druddigons roared

    Scratched their claws

    And stomped in agreement.

    They wanted a fight.

    A good one.

    The adversaires ran in like before, ready to pile the the not-quite Garchomp and small supercomputer.

    “Quickly dodge them! Now run behind the pillars!

    Gabite jumped away from its oncoming Druddigon

    Metang dodged and floated away to safety.

    The Gabite had the most trouble and its dragon scratched its arm fin as the teenage land shark sneaked around the scaly dragon

    Gabite was hurt. But Gabite pursued to cover.

    Their Druddigons cried out in frustration and circled each other

    Roaring and shaking their claws

    Were they dancing or were they looking

    Beckoning or chanting

    Their presence was evermore intimidating

    They wanted blood

    While Metang sent out a sphere of pink and blue glittering energy around itself and Gabite

    The bubble shrunk to fit their bodies

    Gabite was nervous.

    Gabite, I know you can do it! Draco Meteor!

    From behind its column stump Gabite breathed deeply and turned bright white.

    A rumbling was felt and the building shook

    The clouds erupted in more thunder

    Rubble fell

    Rocks surrounded by a purple draconic glow careened at both of the Dragons,

    The rocks were small boulders some were rocks like a soccer ball

    Dust covered the entire arena

    Smoke plumed

    Golurk remained silent and still

    While our heroine bent over and used her arm to shield her eyes from the debris

    The dust settled

    Gabite was panting, it was the most powerful Draco Meteor yet

    Gabite and Metang, you did it!!

    The Druddigons were in the center of the battlefield unceremoniously fainted.

    Gabite and metang left their hiding spots as they were walking towards the middle of the battlefield back to their trainer,

    Golurk takes one step forward.

    Each step rocks the building.

    Its arms glowed white, ained at our protagonist and

    All she sees is white.

    Our heroin emerges in an nondescript

    Blank space

    Null of any creation or being

    Except her… and the Golurk.

    Where am I?

    A quiet hollow voice came from the Golem,

    “You were in my dream. You will send our master back to us.”


    “You were in my dream. You will send our master back to us.”


    “Our master is the Ultimate form. Kyurem.”

    “But what about Reshiram or--”

    “Truth, ideals, and their marriage. They must be restored.”

    “I don’t know if that’s possible--”

    “We will die without your cooperation. The tower will fall without its masters.”

    “Oh no. But why me?”

    “You were in my dream. You will send our master back to us.”

    “Did you draw me in…? How?”

    “You were in my dream. You will send our master back to us.

    Resistance is futile. The tower protected the balance between truth and ideals.

    The Tower was made to provide a home for Kyurem’s true form.

    Kyurem’s split remained contained when Reshiram and Zekrom were contained in their orbs.

    The orbs provided energy to run this sacred temple.

    I must terminate you if you disagree--”

    “Okay!!! Fine!! Please sent me back!”

    “Resistance is futile. The world depends on you.”

    It lifted its huge arm, the Golem turned while and the nullness


    Our heroine returned to the battlefield.

    Gabite and Metang were on the battlefield,

    Where in the world was their trainer?

    How much time was spent in that null space?

    It was all unclear. The weather outside had not changed.

    The thunder was tremendous.

    The wind blowing.

    Cold, very cold.

    When the trainer appeared back where she was in a flash of light

    Her pokemon were excited and ran to her side.

    They turned to the large golem.

    Both metang and Gabite let out a battle cry

    Readying for attack

    Screaming out!

    They wanted more

    The pink bubble still protected Metang and Gabite;

    The battle wasn’t over as the fainted druddigon shown to the golurk what her team was capable of.

    The Golem stood stoically

    Ready to fight

    Ready to restore its home

    Ready to retain balance and its duty the ancients entrusted him to

    The Golurk trusted this trainer and it was ready to serve its new owner

    For the time being, at least.

    What could it offer her? What else was it to do?

    Let the tower that protects Reshiram and Zekrom

    That protects the world’s balance between truth and ideals

    Crumble with age?

    The ancients foresaw Reshiram and Zekrom splitting but they did not foresee their escape

    The golurk failed and it was his duty to return the dragons home.

    The tower can be entrusted to the remainder.

    The tower was lonely.

    The tower needed help. The golem braced for capture.

    And it remained silent and still.

    “Alright guys,”

    Smirking, Confidently, “it’s time to catch that Golurk!”
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2016
  3. Magikchicken

    Magikchicken Prince of All Blazikens!

    Blog Posts:
    Apr 17, 2010
    Likes Received:
    Hello, sir! Good to see you back and writing again!

    Characters, Backstory:
    There was enough reference to what had happened before, the history of the tower, to lend that kind of somber yet ethereal feeling to the location where your story would take place. All the characters— Pokémon, protagonist— were somehow less important than the Dragonspiral tower, and that felt right.

    Plot Content, Plot Flow:
    This kept me engaged, waiting to see what would happen next. I very much enjoyed the way that, despite the fact that things were happening, you kept returning to the tower and how it was damaged and asleep, then waiting, then aware of the protagonist, then ready...

    The climb evoked the past and a sense of wonder, and the encounter at the top was equal parts exciting and fulfilling to read, as a climactic moment should be.

    Grammar, Sentence Flow:
    There were some minor typos and things that could have benefited from a proofread (for example, some sentences that look like you started them but never went back and finished them, making them look like they needed a fill-in-the-blanks space in them. For example: "And out of the _____ the blink of an eye," or "She skirted around the slippery, muddy floor, clinging ___ the walls.") Nothing terrible, though!

    On the good side of things:
    This line sent a shiver down my spine. A good shiver. :eek: I can't explain it, this is just a really nice bit of verse!! There were a few spots where the rhyme and metre was just right.

    N was there, and neon green hair...


    Grammatical Quibbles:
    Make sure your tenses agree! (Past/present)

    Definitely try to avoid a mangled/typo'd sentence like this right when the narrative is feeling serious, and awe-inspiring, and climactic! I strongly recommend proofreading: once you finish writing, read your story/verse to yourself, out loud, at least once. =)

    Detail, Description:
    This was very good!
    Despite the somewhat restrictive format of the free verse getting in the way of making longer descriptive sentences, you still managed to capture the visual impressions— water on the ground, moss on the walls— as well as the feeling of the slightly warmer air... Well done!

    When comparing sizes, it's usually best to say something like, "...some were the size of soccer balls." Simply saying "like a soccer ball" could mean the rocks were black-and-white like a soccer ball, or were perfectly spherical like a soccer ball... which wouldn't make as much sense. =)

    The fact that you included dialogue at all— the wordless communication of the Golurk and the two Druddigon and the protagonist's italicized commands to her Pokémon— in a story written in free verse is impressive. There's some ordinary dialogue, but it's brief enough that it doesn't detract from the poetic aura of the story.

    Formatting is hard at the best of times, but you pulled it off in a way that made the dialogue, even when most of those present can't speak, both compelling and easily understandable. Great job!

    Descriptive and creative, this battle was far from a standard "call out attacks until the other Pokémon faints." You had your characters— both the human protagonist and her Pokémon— think outside the box, use the environment in their strategy, and experience both unexpected plot twists leading to defeat, and elation at success, in the midst of battle. This fleshed them out as characters while also giving the battle emotional clout.

    Character Count:
    I counted 19,782 not including formatting. That may be ever so slightly below the recommended minimum characters for a Hard Pokémon, but not enough to seriously affect anything. Your story will be judged on its merit, not on a mere 218 characters that it might lack. =)

    This is definitely the first story I've seen in free verse! It's good prose, tells its story well, and entertained me for sure, so this gets my stamp of approval as a Bona Fide URPG Story(tm)!

    It blows your last story out of the water, and I'm happy to see this level of improvement!

    Just promise me this: when you finish your next story, go to the "edit post" screen, and read the whole thing to yourself out loud while fixing anything that sounds strange. Proofreading is very helpful to your odds of success when aiming for Pokémon above Hard difficulty! (This is because ease of reading starts to matter a lot instead of a little when you get up there to Complex and Demanding stories.)

    Keep writing, and keep improving! Great job, Julio!

    Golett: Caught!
    juliorain likes this.
  4. juliorain

    juliorain Member

    Blog Posts:
    Aug 7, 2016
    Likes Received:
    Great!! Thank you!