Smile

Ok, I'm finally done with this story!

I had a lot of fun with this one. It was one of my faster stories I wrote (I wrote all of it really in just one night). I guess this isn't a typical battle/catch story, but, to tell the truth, I hate writing about how a trainer goes to the woods, see a mon, battles said mon, and then catches it. Yawn.

With this being just over the character range, it's a bit long for a medium story, but I hope you enjoy!

Pokemon: Ralts
Character counter: 20739
Story deal for: Knight of Day
Wrote by: Zeferin


********************************************************

A cool breeze flowed over the forest, bringing with it the scent of blooming flowers, fresh morning dew off the plants, and a wafting aroma of delicious, fresh honey from a nearby Combee hive. The air was still a little damp, making every breath feel pure and crisp. The singing of a flock of Pidgy and Swablu, mixed with the chatter of Rattata and the chirping of Nincada, filled the ears of all passersby with a sweet, soothing aubade. Over the tree-filled horizon, the sun had just begun to peek over with its grand body, casting its warm rays over the cooled, shaded land. Shadows danced tall and proud over the forest, having one last, grand waltz that morning just before the rising sun shrunk and stuffed them under all but the shadiest of places before they were allowed to come out again for an evening of merriment.

In the center of the forest, just below a small cliff, a small, grassy knoll gave way in between the trees. Small berry bushes grew all around the outside edge, filling the little oasis with a sweet scent. Just as the sun’s warmth began to fill the grassy knoll, a small, purple light flashed in the center, leaving what seemed to be a stained white sheet in its place. Suddenly, the little sheet began to move around on its own, turning its small, domed head side to side cautiously. With a loosening of its stance and a tilt down of its head, the small creature seemed to give a sigh of relieve and quickly scuttled over to the bushes.

Using its slim, fragile looking arms, the little creature reached up and began picking as many Pecha berries as it could reach, which wasn’t all that high. The little creature was barely taller than a foot, and the only reason it surpassed that height was due to its two, large, red horns that stuck out in the front and in the back of its head. The horns were thin, wide at the base, and rounded at the top. The horns popped in between little slits in the dome that covered its head. The dome itself was a light, forest green, and looked a little like the head of a mushroom: a large, concaved shade that hid a slender stock. The little creature’s body was an off white, and, like a mushroom’s stock, was very thin. Its petite frame then melted right into its legs, which almost looked like a small child that had tried to put on their father’s pants and walk around the house with them. The outlines of its feet could be seen, completely covered up by its sheet-like body that ended in a tail that dragged behind it.

In just a few minutes of getting over to the bush, Pecha cores littered the ground and the creature was half way across the knoll to another bush when its large horn began to glow red. Frozen in place, the creature darted its head to the left, then to the right, and finally up to the small cliff where its horn glowed the brightest. The cliff was directly east, right in the path of the rising sun, so the little creature could not see who, or what, its attacker looked like. Then, in a blink of an eye, a single shadow blotted out the sun, and fell down to Earth, right in the middle of the knoll, right in front of the cowering Ralts.

Standing before the Ralts stood a large Growlithe. With its broad shoulders lowered, its gleaming, white teeth baring, its shining, burnt orange, smooth cream, and jet black coat sticking up, and its body tense with anticipation of any move its prey would try to make, this frightful foe was a sight to behold. With a loud bark, the Growlithe glared at the Ralts, but the Ralts gave it no heed. The Ralts’ head was still turned up to the cliff where its horn glowed brighter and brighter red. Then, booming from the cliff, a voice rang out, “I’ve got you now, Ralts!”

With one more blotting of the sun, another shadow landed softly down next to the Growlithe, curling up its body to absorb the impact. Slowing standing up, this one was much taller than either of the Pokemon in the knoll, almost four times the size of the Ralts alone. Clad in dark, navy blue jeans, a pair of old, scuffed hiking boots, and a long sleeved, simple black shirt, this shadow dusted off its jeans a bit and looked at the Ralts. With the sun no longer behind him, the appearance of a young boy stood before the Ralts. “I’ve been tracking you for two days now,” said the boy. “Now, become my Pokemon and let me be your master!”

The Ralts looked up at the young boy with fear. Not fear of the boy, or even his Pokemon, but fear of his intent. The look in the boy’s grey eyes was a look as cold as granite. They seemed glazed over and rash. The horn on the Ralts head glowed its brightest now that the boy was before the Ralts. With one shake of its body to get a hold of itself, the Ralts quickly focused on another of its hiding spots a mile away, and released the energy to teleport there.

Engrossing its body in the same purple light as before, the Ralts quick began to dissipate into thin air. “No!” cried the boy, “Not again! Mikkel, Oder Sleuth!” And with that, the Growlithe next to him reared back and took a deep sniff of the Ralts before it could completely teleport away. Turning to Mikkel, the boy commanded, “Mikkel, track.”

Mikkel sniffed the ground and air for a few seconds, and then pointed to the other end of the knoll, just one hundred feet from the boy. Just as Mikkel pointed, a purple light flashed through the knoll and the Ralts appeared again, slightly dazed to find that it was still in the same knoll.

Seeing the Ralts just on the other side of clearing, the boy blinked in confusion, until he saw the pile of Pecha cores on the ground next to an empty bush. Grinning smugly, the boy yelled out to the Ralts, “It looks like you don’t have the energy to teleport away anymore. Just give up. There’s no reason to fight it anymore. Either way, I will still capture you and you will have to listen to me in the end.” Turning again to the Growlithe next to him, the boy flung his hand out over to the Ralts and commanded, “Mikkel, use Agility and then Crunch that insolent Pokemon. I want to make sure he knows that I am the boss.”

Mikkel, reluctantly at first, obeyed his master, and darted quickly, almost as a blur, across the expanse toward the Ralts. If Master commanded it, Mikkel must follow it, no matter what the command was.

Sensing the Growlithe coming, the Ralts had little time to think, with little energy and no where else to run, the Ralts had to stand his ground and face his oncoming attacker. Pulling into his reserves, the Ralts curled in his small body and gripped his large horn in the front with his slender arms. Focusing all of his energy, his horn turned a pale, baby blue. Just as Mikkel was right upon the Ralts, opening his jaws wide for a powerful Crunch, the Ralts released the energy from his horn and a pale blue light exploded out over the knoll.

The boy, waiting for Mikkel to finish his attack, suddenly saw the Ralts just disappear in a flash of pale blue light from in front of Mikkel. Stunned, the boy looked around trying to see if the Ralts had tried to teleport somewhere else in the knoll. “Where did he go?” thought the boy as he gridded his teeth. “If he didn’t have the energy to teleport away the first time, then why would he teleport now? And why wasn’t the energy burst like all the others when he normally teleports?”

As the boy tried to figure out what had happened, Mikkel suddenly let out a loud, whining howl, and was flung hard to the left. In another moaning howl, he was picked up and dropped forcibly back down. Seeing his Pokemon getting beaten to a pulp, the boy ran over to try and return Mikkel to his Pokeball. “The Ralts never left! But how is he…” but before he could figure that out, the boy felt like he had ran through a curtain of silk and into a bowl of gelatin.

Sluggishly coming to a stopping, the boy tried to look down at his hands and body, in hope to figure out what had just happened. In what seemed like an eternity, he saw that no matter how hard he tried, he could not move anything fast than Slowbro could change its mind. It felt like everything was in slow motion: his movements, his breathing, even his heart beat. The only things that hadn’t slowed down were his thoughts.

Looking back up to his Pokemon, the boy finally saw what was happening to his Growlithe: The Ralts was in fact still there, only, it was moving at normal speed, walking around Mikkel and launching off a Psychic attack every now and then. Mikkel was moving in the same slow motioned speed as the boy, and looked entirely bewildered as to what was going on.

The boy tried to think up all the possibilities of how the Ralts was doing this, until he remembered something he had read in his mother‘s old Pokepedia. It was an uncommon attack that only a few Pokemon knew: Trick Room. It only required a little energy to use, and could spell doom for an ill prepared Pokemon and trainer if they ever encountered it in the wild.

Basically, the move bends space and time in an area and creates a flux around the Pokemon that used it that leeches off its attacker’s speed. Once the attacker enters the flux, the time slows down or speeds up for all but the user, giving the illusion to all outside of the flux that the speed of the user either speed up or slowed down.

Cursing to himself for making Mikkel use Agility before attacking, the boy did his best to try to call out to Mikkel, but only spewed out some slow, unintelligible noise from his lips. Not understanding how the Ralts got all this power to attack again and again when it couldn’t even teleport, the boy saw another pile of berry cores next to where the Ralts once was. It was a Leppa bush. “He used the bent time to eat some berries to replenish his strength,” thought the boy.

Turning back to Mikkel, the boy saw the Ralts standing before his Growlithe, sending out a small, green pulse from his horn, and, slowly, saw his Growlithe fall to his side. Turning now to the boy, the Ralts quickly scuttled over and, before the boy could slowly turn and run out of the flux, the Ralts’ horn glowed the same green as before, and pulsed it out towards the boy.

Suddenly, the boy felt an over whelming drowsiness take over. He felt like he hadn’t slept in a week. Falling slowly down to his knees, the last thought the boy had was, “Hypnosis…darn it.” And at that, the boy was out cold.

____________________________________________________________________


Drifting off into his subconscious, The boy floated in nothingness, cursing the Ralts, Mikkel, himself and anything else that came to mind. “Two days!” he screamed. “I spent two days tracking him down! And for what?! Nothing!” Cursing louder, the boy gripped his head and curled up in a ball, “I can already hear them now, coming back empty handed…”

Ignoring the world around him, the boy didn’t even see the small, white light that sparked in the darkness of his mind. Then, in a soft, chime like voice, someone called out to him, “Why did you chase me?”

Turning away from his self pity, the boy wiped his eyes and looked around. “Who’s there?” He felt stupid calling out to a voice in his own head, but it seemed so gently, so unlike anything his mind would make up, he felt an urge to call out to it.

“Why did you chase me?” the voice echoed back. This time, a small, white ball appeared before the boy. Curious, the boy reached out to touched it, but the ball inched back out of his reach. Annoyed that he couldn’t even caught something in his dreams, the boy questioned back, this time with a little venom in his voice, “Who are you?”

In small pop, the ball busted, and standing before the boy was the Ralts. Anger filled the boy as he jumped out and clawed the space between him and the Ralts. “You! What, now you’re going to mock me in my dream!”

With a shake of its domed head, the Ralts, without moving his mouth, answered back telepathically, “You call it Dream Eater. I just want to know, why did you chase me? I didn’t do anything to you.”

“Do I need a reason?” sneered the boy as he gave up his attempts to reach the Ralts. “I wanted you, so I chased you. You’re a Pokemon and I’m going to be a great trainer. Since trainers battle and catch Pokemon, and since you’re a Pokemon, it is my job to catch you.” The boy began to feel even sillier now. Talking to yourself was one thing. Talking to the Pokemon that just annihilated you was another.

Shaking his head again, the Ralts pointed to his horn. “You’re lying. I can sense it. You’re not even old enough to be a trainer yet, are you?” questioned the Ralts, tilting his head to the side.

“I’m almost nine!” hissed the boy folding his arms in tight across is chest. “In a year and a half, I’ll be an official trainer just like my brothers and sisters! And then I’ll be able to show th…” but stopped himself short. Pinching his lip tight and looking down hard right, the boy became completely silent, lost in his thoughts.

After a few minutes of silence, the Ralts’ tried to start the conversation up again. In his chiming voice, he rang out, “What’s your name?”

Deterring from his own thoughts long enough to answer, the boy muttered, “Nole. Nole Frits.”

“Nole? I like that name.” The Ralts slowly floated closer to Nole. “Nole, I know something is troubling you.”

“Nothing is troubling me! I’m ok! 100%! I’m even better than ok!” Nole huffed and glared at the Pokemon.

“I told you already, I know when you’re lying. I can sense your emotions,” said the Ralts as his pointed to his horn again. “You’re…what are your human words for them again…worried, hurt, embarrassed, and disappointed. But,” he added, “behind those, I can feel eagerness and a lot of determination.” As he floated even close to Nole, the Ralts questioned, “Why are you so determined to catch me?”

Glaring off into space, Nole didn’t even turn back to look at the Ralts face to face, but turned a light shade of pink from embarrassment. He didn’t like the feeling of this Pokemon being able to sense his emotions as if the where on a silver platter. Slowly, Nole answered back, “Because…because…because no one else in my family has caught a Ralts, ok!”

Tilting his head again to the side, the Ralts asked, “Is that so important that you had to chase me for two days straight?”

Turning around to face the Ralts, Nole erupted. “Of course it’s important! You have no idea what it’s like in my house! I’m the youngest of ten. Of ten! All I’ve heard all my life is, “Oh, look how many badges Tom has,” or, “Look, Layla has caught nine Pokemon this week alone.” I have had to watch each and everyone of my siblings get told how great they are, and it was all because they were trainers.” Taking a breath, Nole gripped his hand in a tight first. As he exhaled, the anger flared up again and he continued in a near scream, “But if I came home, not even as a trainer yet, with a Pokemon not a single one of them have caught, then I would be praised more than any single one of them. They would all see how great I am! Me!”

Wiping his eyes of the tears that had formed, Nole huffed as he shook with anger. Shuddering in pain, the Ralts focused his energy, and released a soft, pink light over Nole. Suddenly calming down, Nole glanced warily at the Ralts. “What was that?”

“I think you call it Calm Mind,” said the Ralts nonchalantly. “You overworked yourself and the flood of emotions was giving me a headache.” Rubbing his horn a bit, as one would rub their temples, the Ralts turned back to Nole. “So, you want to show them that you are better than all of them? By being as cold as ice, abusing that poor Growlithe by making him track me nonstop for two days, and then attacking an already weakened Pokemon with such a harsh attack? How Machiavellian of you.” The sarcasm overflowed in the Ralts’ voice.

“But I…I mean…I didn’t…” stuttered Nole. He was taken back by the Ralts’ words. He wasn’t that cold, was he? And he hadn’t abused Mikkel. Mikkel was the family pet and had always followed Nole where ever he went. Mikkel was, more or less, Nole’s Pokemon, so wasn’t Nole suppose to command Mikkel like a trainer? Trainers were suppose to command their Pokemon, or at least that what he thought.

Feeling his doubt, the Ralts said, “You said you wanted to be a trainer, right? You want to be better than your siblings, right?”

“Of course!” Nole snapped back.

“Then show them you are better. Show them you can catch Pokemon better. Show them that you can battle better. Most importantly, though, show them that you can train and raise your Pokemon better. Show them that you can raise the strongest, faster, and happiest Pokemon of them all.”

Taken back again by his words, Nole started to blush once more. “Th-thank you.” He started to feel horrible for getting so angry at Mikkel, for forcing him to go on this crazy chase. He also felt bad about trying to hurt the Ralts so much. He had just thought that wild Pokemon were just that, wild and needed to be tamed. He hadn’t thought about what they thought, or how they felt.

“I don’t know much about humans, but I can sense that pride is important to you,” continued the Ralts. “I know you are a good person who is full of strong, happy emotions, but you are just clouded up with your pride. If you want,” pausing to give a sly smile, “I can help you with that. I can join you to help you with all of your goals. I know that if you become the great trainer you want to be, and I know you can, than you will be like a flood of good emotions, and nothing is better than being bathed in good emotions.” The Ralts giggled a little at his selfish thought and then turned to Nole. “So, do we have a deal?” The Ralts held out his small, slender arm.

Without even having to think over it, Nole knew what he wanted. “Deal,” and he reached out and gently grabbed hold of the Ralts’ arm. In a sudden burst of white light, the darkness that had filled his mind was coated in a bright, warming light. The warmth seeped into everything it touched: Nole’s clothes, his hair, his skin, but most importantly, his heart. All the doubt, the worrying, the regret, and longing to be recognized melted away and were replaced with glee, hopefulness, and a knowing that he would become the best there ever was. As the light finished filling his mind and his heart, Nole felt himself waking back into consciousness. As his dream world fizzled, the last thing he heard was the Ralts calling out in a joyous yell, “Remember now, don’t be so serious. Smile!”

____________________________________________________________________

With a blink of his eyes, Nole looked up at the sky, the sun not quite over head yet. Rubbing the crust from his eyes, Nole was about to get up when the Ralts leaned over and stared right into Nole’s eyes. Nole, from his angle, could see the Ralts’ strange, buggy eyes and almost busted out laughing at the sight of them. “Nice to see you too.”

Rolling to his side, so not to hit the small Pokemon next to him, Nole sat up and dusted himself off once again. Stretching his stiff limbs, Nole turned back around and saw Mikkel still on the ground asleep. Walking over to his faithful friend, Nole bent down and petted Mikkel’s once soft fur, now covered in dried mud and small thistles. “I’m sorry Mikkel. I really am.”

As he said this, the Ralts walked up next to Mikkel and, reaching out with one arm, touched Mikkel on the back. With a small cry, several cuts, scraps and bruises on Mikkel began to heal and disappear. At the same time, though, the same injuries began to appear on the Ralts. Before Nole had time to stop him, the Ralts was done and pulled his arm away from Mikkel, which now had a huge bruise running down the side of it.

“Pain-Split…” muttered Nole. He knew that the move normally let a weakened Pokemon steal health from its opponent so that they were on equal playing fields, but he never heard of a Pokemon using to heal another. “Thank you, Ralts,” Nole said. He smiled.

Giving a weak smile back, Ralts pointed towards the one empty Pokeball around Nole’s waist. Nole looked down and, in an unsure voice, said, “Are you sure you really want to come with me? Even after all I did?”

With a shake of head, Ralts nodded in yes. Standing up over Ralts, Nole took the Pokeball from his waist, and pressed the small button on the capsule to expand the ball. With a light flick of his hand, Nole released the ball, and let it gently bounce off Ralts. In a split second, a red light engulfed Ralts, sealing him inside the ball.

As the Pokeball fell softly down into the grass, Mikkel woke up and saw his master, smiling happily. Looking down at the shaking Pokeball next to him, Mikkel gave a small bark to his master.

“Mikkel!” said Nole in a happy voice, “You’re awake.” As Mikkel gave another bark, looking at him, the shaking Pokeball, and back at him, Nole just shook his head smiling. “It’s a long story.”

 

Claimed for grading. Give it a day or two.

 

INTRO
What impression did I get when I started reading this?

We begin in a forest. You cover all five senses right off to set the scene. It might be a little better not to be so obvious that you're it, but okay. It gets a little flowery (see my first Grammar entry) but hey, so long as the whole story's not like that...

Okay, second paragraph. We have a Ralts teleporting in for some reason. The story continues in this vein, describing its appearance and actions. It really does get kind of flowery.

A shadow appears! Dun dun dun! It's a Growlithe! And so the action begins.

Nice intro. We definitely know what everything looks, smells, etc. like. Maybe a little too much detail, maybe just right. That'd be the personal preference of the reader. You give us a few hints of just what a Ralts can do: apparently its horns serve as a directional antenna and stuff like that.

PLOT
Is it a good story?

Your story type: a Pokemon straightens out a kid who's going down the wrong path and decides to join him on his journey.

It's pulled off well here, grammar issues aside. You take full advantage of the emotion-sensing abilities of Ralts and Growlithe's loyal nature to push the story along.

We have serious inferiority issues coming from Nole, who apparently has too many siblings. Like... some sort of combination of Brock and Misty. That also makes him interesting, although I'm not sure it if fits with him being only nine years old...

The motivation for Ralts to join up with Noel is also pretty funny- he's just in it for the good vibrations.

DIALOGUE
Do we understand what they're saying?

The Ralts says he knows something is troubling Nole in an attempt to get him to open up. However, Nole has already more or less revealed his motivations three paragraphs back: he wants to catch up to his brothers and sisters. Either Nole needs to say less or Ralts should talk as though he's already figured part of it out: the part that the reader can also figure out from what he or she's already read.

You also need to adjust Nole's dialogue to fit his age.

CHARACTERIZATION
Are your characters original, well-defined, and compelling?

Nole suffers from a common problem of children in literature: thinking and talking too maturely. At nine years old, he might be able to understand complicated speech patterns, but he's not going to use them very much. Or curse, I'd imagine.
A bump up to twelve or thirteen would not affect the story much, but it would make him make more sense as a character.

Mikkel is a nonentity. His species determines who he is. That's not a problem, since he's a minor character.

Ralts... Ralts is fun. Definitely precocious for his evolutionary stage. He plays the boy and his Pokemon like a violin. One could interpret him as Machiavellian himself.

GRAMMAR
Does you talk pretty?

Perhaps you talks too pretty.
You invoke the word "aubade" in the first paragraph. This word, unfortunately, is out of fashion except with poets and medieval musicologists. I think. I had to go look it up. Apparently it's a kind of music that's associated with breaking dawn. Nice choice.
Unfortunately, this word might be too fancy. I can certainly tell you it's not going to show up on the SAT. Not even on graduate school entrance exams.

This should be "shrank." English irregular verbs, they are awful.

The comma isn't necessary. Also, "give way" should not be used in this context. What is the knoll giving way to, anyway?

Should be "a sigh of relief."

Bulbapedia normal style is capitalization for both words: "Pecha Berry." However, I think people use the style you have to denote a berry variety named "Pecha." Just remember that stylistic variations exist.
Also, I notice that you don't capitalize "trainer" later on. Sure, no problem. Just remember to be consistent with that in any given story you write.

This can be ambiguous: foot the body part, or foot the unit of length?
A better way to put it would be "barely above a foot tall/in height."

Too many commas, I think. You could stand to lose them all or just the first one. I'd say there are a lot of excess commas in this vein throughout the story. However, they might be valid. I think they're optional commas, but I try not to use them. It's just me.

You need to set up the contrast properly. Mention that the horns are thin... at the top. Then it would make sense that they are wide at the base.

"Concaved" should be "concave." "Stock..." You must have meant "stalk?" Mushrooms have stalks. This occurs in the next sentence as well.

"Small child" is singular while "their" is plural. You need to say "his or her" instead. If you think that is excessively politically correct, either assign a gender to the Ralts and use that, or say "its father's pants" instead.

"Within" might work better than "in."

"Halfway" is one word.

Redundancy. Get rid of one of the instances of "stand."

Holy pile of modifiers, Batman!
This is a workable but awkward way to give us a lot of detail on what the Growlithe is like. You really shouldn't cram it all into one sentence, though. Also, you maybe need to subtract commas. Here's one way to make it smoother:

Redundant words. Adding them doesn't add much to the story in terms of detail or flow. This kind of thing shows up throughout your story; it's fat that could be trimmed.
In this case, you could replace with "softly landed" or something similarly concise.

"Slowly."

"Appearance" is not a suitable way to describe a human being. You needed to have the Ralts suddenly realize that the shadowy figure is a human, and that's probably why you did this. Here's one better way to do it:

Say more with less: "The Ralts fearfully looked up at him."

Granite is not particularly metaphorically cold. Try "steel," "stone," "ice," or "night."
Huh. Those all amount to Pokemon types. Heh heh.

Those don't go together.

To be engrossed means to completely focus one's concentration on something. That doesn't fit here, especially since you can't engross a body, only a mind. You probably meant a similar-looking word like "ensconce," "envelop," or "encompass." Any of those would do.

Simple typo: "quick" -> "quickly."

If you wouldn't say that a light flashed through a hill, you can't say it would flash through a knoll. Knolls are hills. Try instead "over" or "on."

Use more pronouns. Since you said "knoll" earlier in the same sentence, you should reorganize:

You can lose that second "it" (and keep the comma) to make it sound more formal.

"Nowhere."

Sudden gender change! The Ralts is now identified as male. This is rather inconsistent.

Maybe "in" should go after "body."

Maybe swap out "upon" for "on."

This light and its color have already been mentioned. At the very least "a" should be "the" or "that."

The color is redundant by now.

"In" should be "with."

Descriptive but not usefully so. What's a curtain of silk have to do with anything? You can describe it with fewer words:
"but before he could figure that out, the air turned (in)to gelatin around him."

"Stop," not "stopping."

The two allowable forms here: "in hope of figuring out" and "hoping to figure out."

"Over(the course of)," not "in."

Awkward. Maybe like this:
"he couldn't move any part of his body faster than a Slowbro could go from one thought to the next."

"Heartbeat."

"Firing off" might be better in terms of idiom.

"Slow-motion."

"Think of" works better.

Pokedex? Or made-up term for the sake for this story? I think you should give an explicit description rather than a name that you assume people will be able to figure out. Maybe something like "Pokemon field guide" or "Pokemon encyclopedia."

With a hyphen.

You have gone to conversational style in the present tense. If you're only doing this for one paragraph, it's like... there's a movie, and right in the middle of an action scene the action freezes and the director comes out and starts to describe how an attack works. It can be jarring.
Up the formality and keep it in the past tense:

"Scuttle" usually connotes more than two legs. Like cockroaches or crabs. Try "scurry."

"Overwhelming."

"And with that."

Simple typo: extra capitalization.

Noun-pronoun agreement. "They" are not coming back empty-handed, he is. So it should be something like:
"I can already hear them now, laughing at me for coming back empty-handed..."
Oh, um, don't mind the ellipses formatting thing. I'm doing this in a simple text editor, not Word, so the auto-formatting stuff isn't happening. My quote marks don't have directions, for example.

"Chime-like" or "chiming."

Hyphen.

Simple typo: "gentle" instead of "gently."

There needs to be a "that" before "he."

Simple typo: "touch," not "touched."

Simple typo: "catch," not "caught."

Awkward. Try "returned the question" or "asked again."

Word choice: "With a small pop, the ball burst."

Since the sentence began with "What," you should end it with either "?" or "?!"

Even in dialogue there should be rules. Here, you have a comma splice.
You should have either:
"I just want to know why you chased me."
or:
"I just want to know: why did you chase me?"

Consider using an impersonal pronoun:
"Talking to oneself was one thing. Talking to the Pokemon that had just been responsible for one's annihilation was another."

Various typos:
"hissed the boy, folding in his arms tight against his chest."

Simple typo: apostrophe without a purpose.

"His chiming voice rang out."

"Deter" means to redirect or repel someone else. You want "detouring" or "pulling himself away."

Simple typos: "they were."

Ending a sentence with "ok" demands a question mark to go with it, not an exclamation mark.

"Of" may be superfluous.

"Each and every one."

Simple typo: "fist."

Maybe use "at" instead of "in." A hyphen between "near" and "scream" is also optional.

I think in the subjunctive mood you should stick to the past tense: "they would all see how great I was!"

Pronoun mismatch. Either:
"as one would rub one's temples"
or:
"as one would rub his or her temples."

"Wherever."

"Supposed." This occurs in the next sentence as well.

"Sensing his doubt" may be better.

Recall the three degrees of an adjective:
Positive: good, bad, much, blue
Comparative: better, worse, more, bluer
Superlative: best, worst, most, bluest
You here want the superlative. Therefore, "faster" should be "fastest."

"wild" needs to be set off on both sides with either commas or dashes:
"wild Pokemon were just that, wild, and needed to be tamed."
or:
"wild Pokemon were just that- wild- and needed to be tamed."

Dashes are better than commas. Also, than/then confusion:
"I know that if you become the great trainer you want to be- and you can- then you will be like a flood."

"Worrying" can be converted to noun-form: "worry."

"Knowing" should be in full noun-form: "knowledge."
So: "the knowledge that."

*I wanna be / the very best / like no one ever was / (guitar chords) hner hner ner / ner ner ner/ PO-KE-MON!*
Um, anyway. You can make the allusion more explicit.

Awkward redundant phrasings like this pop up everywhere in this story, and could do with some fixing. You don't have to say that the eyes are blinking; we would understand that.
"Nole blinked and was suddenly looking up at the sky again."

"Overhead."

Needs a comma.

Your nouns and verbs aren't matching up; in this case it's as if the wounds were crying out. Rewrite so that Ralts is the subject of the sentence:
"With a small cry, Ratls caused several scrapes and bruises on Mikkel to heal and disappear."

"It" means "arm." However, from the way the sentence is constructed, it looks like it's supposed to mean "Mikkel." Reconfigure:
"pulled his arm away from Mikkel. Nole could see that it now had a huge bruise running down its side."

This attack name has no hyphen.

Try "on equal footing" or "on an equal playing field."

Pluperfect: "he had never heard."

General principle: use verbs with specific meanings. "Give" can mean any number of things. "Smile" means only one thing. So: "smiling back weakly."

Default style is "Poke Ball."

Simple typo: missing "his."

You should use "assent" or "agreement" instead of "yes."

Which one of them is smiling? I honestly can't tell. Needs a rewrite:
Mikkel smiling:
"Mikkel woke up and smiled when he saw his master."
Nole smiling:
"Mikkel woke up and saw his smiling master."

There should be a comma between "head" and "smiling."

DETAIL
Can we see what you're saying?

Just a little too much, to the point where your grammatical skills aren't quite catching up and some of your words have gone into the place we call "purple prose." It'd be perfect if you would either:
fix the grammar, awkwardness, and the more flamboyant word choices
or:
dial everything back a little.

PLAUSIBILITY
Does it make sense?

Berries don't have cores, unless what the Pokemon world calls "berries" are completely different to what we call them. In this case you would need to describe what a Pecha Berry is like.

The berries you used: Pecha and Leppa. One heals Poison and the other replenishes PP. That second one kind of makes sense for being able to use Trick Room. The first one, though, should probably be Oran or Sitrus instead of Pecha so it's HP restoration.

Ralts knows at least seven moves: Teleport, Trick Room, Psychic, Hypnosis, Dream Eater, Calm Mind, and Pain Split. That moveset's worth at least two Gardevoir! There has to be some reason why it's so powerful.

Also, this is one well-read unevolved wild Pokemon. "Machiavellian?"

LENGTH
Is it long enough?

Single capture.
Ralts (MEDIUM: 10,000-20,000)
You: 20,768
You're above the recommended range. Good for you! Going above isn't bad so long as your story isn't bloated or anything.

OVERALL
What did I think, personally?

Capsule summary: a decent story that went a little too flowery.

FINAL
To catch, or not to catch?

Spoiler

Ralts captured! The only real strikes against this story were the grammar and floweriness, which we graders are told not to hold too much against the writer. Just be careful with the prose next time.

 

Thank you for the feed back. The grammar section makes me feel bad...but that aside, thanks for it anyway.