Safety Nets [swc]

We watched.

A young Pokemon trainer, late in adolescence, was scaling the side of a cliff. Rugged, unthinking crags marked the face of this cliff, offering handholds at whim. There wasn’t much of a slant, and if you peered right down, rock gave way to crashing waves. The only noise here was the sound of failure, and your own tired panting. This was no easy climb. It demanded youthfulness in two ways: the maturity to compete with the forces of nature, and a brash naiveté to think it possible at all.

The trainer measured his position along the wall. He was splayed out, with one leg hiked up to a foothold near his chest and his arms reaching above his head to opposite sides. Only his head swiveled, as he looked for an outcropping, the slightest edge, anything to get ahead. He looked for a while. Though parts of his climb had made themselves easy earlier, this section was less friendly. Eventually, he settled on a choice — a friendlier patch of crags, out of reach to the side, but not out of range. It was, a little bit, an impossible choice. He had to jump.

There’s a term for this move in rock climbing. It’s called a dyno: a dynamic movement where your entire body pushes off the rock face in a leap to latch on elsewhere. It’s kind of a desperate move. Sometimes, the desperate move is your only move. Or, you know, it’s a power move under controlled circumstances with, ideally, some safety net options. But those are just circumstances!

The trainer jumped, and lunged out for his target handhold. For a moment, almost frozen in time, he was at the pinnacle of his human effort, putting it all out there in the singular act of reaching like the damn Creation of Adam. And then, he kind of slapped into the wall, scraping his hands against stone in a botched attempt to grasp something, out of control and sliding down the face of the cliff.

Ah, well, that’s too bad. That’s what you get for naming a movement after dynamism. Hey, rock climbers, newsflash: all movements are dynamic. That is the actual defintion of dynamic. You nerds!

As gravity pulled the trainer down, a pink appendage raced after him and yanked him out of free-fall. This was his Pokemon, Greninja, reaching out with its tongue to catch him. Safety net! Greninja set its trainer back on the wall, guiding him to the handhold that he’d whiffed on earlier. Bruised wrist and scraped shin, sure, but no worse for wear! They continued climbing, Greninja slinging itself up with the ease that a ninja toad would have, but slowing and waiting at different intervals to wait for its trainer. They worked together.

They made their way up the wall, and their prize waited for them nearby. On the top of the cliff was a tiny gemstone, with a twirl of blue and black visible at its core. This was the Mega Stone, Charizardite X, just where the trainer’s own Charizard had told him it was an hour earlier.

Whoops, and oh, the trainer’s foothold snapped off. This was the same outcropping that Greninja had held on to earlier, when it had caught the trainer and pulled him back up to the cliff. This, now, was too much strain for one tiny cliff bit. Greninja’s tongue lashed out again, swooping in to catch its trainer. This time, it came up empty. The trainer reached for a Pokeball at his belt, but this, too, fumbled out of his reach as momentum snatched at him in havoc. We watched as he fell the rest of the way.

He fell, and he screamed, and the scream faded out as he did, blinking out of sight. Was it a lethal distance? Maybe. It was a far fall, and who’s to say what happens to those who drop that far, to the unsightly bottom?

It’s hard to blame the trainer for this. He just wanted it all. The survival of the strong was the fabric that our society was woven from, so, Protean Greninja and Mega Charizard X it is.

You do you, son. This is the free market of choice.

Should we have done more?

Spoiler

Pokemon: Sigilyph (Hard; 30,000 - 40,000)
CC: tbd

Cash Submission!
CC: 3,864

 

Claiming!

 

Just kidding. you were already in SWC. Heres your grade posted on here.


INTRO

Right away we are thrust into a pretty interesting scene from a cool perspective. It comes off as if you are one of the people within the crowd, which makes the situation more interesting. You feel as if you’re there! Nice touch.





STORY


The story is pretty simple. A bunch of people witness a pretty exhilarating event that ends horribly. What this story does really well I think, is that it keeps you on the edge of your seat. Right away the story moves into action showing us what will happen next. The dyno move is an important set piece to the story. Not only does it move it along, it shows the desperation in a trainer the narrator never interacts with, only watches. This gives the trainer too, a bit of personality.


I want to commend you showing this trainer’s personality. Not because it’s entirely unique or in depth, but because you took the time to do so. In the story we are merely seeing the greed of a character. With this, you also show their desperation through their actions. Also, you chose specific Pokemon for the trainer just to show how much of a cheap person they were. Greninjas and Charizard.


How the story closes out was also really well done! You left it up to the reader to decide whether they died or not. I really dug that.


-


“It’s hard to blame the trainer for this. He just wanted it all. The survival of the strong was the fabric that our society was woven from, so, Protean Greninja and Mega Charizard X it is.


You do you, son. This is the free market of choice.


Should we have done more?”


Part of me loves it, part of me hates it. I love you’re trying to make a statement, but it feels rushed. Granted this is a simple story so I’m not gonna sit here and break down how it ties to the story all too much, because it is all tied to the greed of the character, no matter how loosely you tied it. For the future, try to take some extra time into adding subtle hints to these themes throughout the stories for longer pieces.


Something else really enjoyable about how this story closes out is your sarcastic tone. It shows throughout the story but really shines in this ending. It adds a small touch that makes me want to read more from you!


Also, it was cool to close out with that last line, but I think again, you could have fleshed it out a little bit more. Until the end of the story, the narrator doesn’t really show they care, just that they are discussing the event taking place. As a simple story, this is fine. But why are they here? Why are they watching? Did they have the power to do more?

As much as I think you could have added more, it was a really smart detail to commentate on society and being a bystander. Most of the time, we just watch and wait for the event to pass us, rather than help or take action.


You have a lot of cool touches here, I just wish I could see more of them!


-


Last thing plotwise. As a person from the Pokemon Community, I know the cheapness and ridiculousness of Greninja and Charizard. But if an outsider were to read this, would they be in on the joke or would they just be creatures or tools to help prevent the fall? It’s important to give your side characters depth that is more than just a tool to help the protagonist. This happens a lot in writing, so it’s not unique to you. It IS a simple story, so I don’t really expect MUCH, but I feel for future writing it’s something to think about.


GRAMMAR


“It was, a little bit, an impossible choice.”


The commas felt unnecessary here. This feels like broken english. It’s a broken apart sentence with the main points left in. The sentence seems as if it should read as:

“It was a little bit of an impossible choice.” Just adding of helps the sentence move along and not feel choppy.



Besides this sentence, I didn’t see anything!



THE VERDICT


This story was actually way more thrilling than I expected it to be. The voice of the narrator mixed with the protagonist made this an exciting read for a simple story. Well done.
Sigilyph has been captured.

Not really.

But you get 3k money. EASIEST