Reeling in a Whopping Wooper! (READY FOR GRADING)

Pokemon: Wooper
Rank: Simple
Characters: 6030 (With Spaces)

(Today, the sun shines bright over the Johto region, wild Pokemon chase each other around the crystal water lakes, Trainers and their Pokemon aswell are also enjoying the sunny day)

(Out on a small lake next to Violet City, a small wooden boat sits. Inside, a Trainer by the name of Casey and his partner Pokemon, Chikorita, wait patiently for a bite on their new Fishing Rod)

Casey: "...Hmm..."

(Caseys stomach rumbles as Chikorita sighs, looking at its reflection over the side of the boat)

Casey: "Aww I've had it! We've been out here for hours Chichi and we havn't caught a single thing!"

(Suddenly, as Caseys about to reel in his line for the last time, he snags a bite)

Casey: "Whoa! We got something Chichi!"

Chikorita: "Chika!"

(Casey continues to reel in the line but the catch struggles. It angerly pulls the line the opposite way trying to escape, almost pulling the boat in its direction aswell)

Casey: "Thats it! You're mine!!!"

(With one more strong tug, Casey pulls the mystery Pokemon up above the surface and it lands in the boat)

Chikorita: "Chi? Chika chi!"

Casey: "Whoa..."

(To both Casey and Chichis surprise, They realize they reeled in a Wooper; The Water Fish Pokemon)

Wooper: "Wooper woo!"

Casey: "Wait...That! That was what I reeled in!?"

(Casey inspects the Wooper closely as it stands stationary in the small wooden boat. He pokes at its antennas and picks up and drops its tail to check for any defects)

Casey: "How did a Wooper like you use so much power?"

Wooper: "Woooooo?"

(Wooper begins to act worried as it walks quickly towards the edge of the boat, ready to dive back into the lake)

Casey: "Wait! Don't go yet!"

(Asking it a little to late, Wooper jumps back into the lake and swims below the surface. A large metal boat is seen coming towards Caseys boat carrying a small group of angry Fishermen who seem to be after something)

Fisherman1: "Hey kid! Was that your Wooper!?"

Casey: "No sir...Why do you ask?"

Fisherman1: "Because that little mongrol has been destroying all of our fishing rods!"

Fisherman2: "Yeah! It even broke my lucky hook!"

Fisherman3: "And he capsized my boat!"

(Casey stares blankly at the Fishermen as they all complain about the small, but strong Wooper)

Casey: "Do you really think a Wooper would do all this? It put up abit of a fight when I landed it, but other than that, it didnt seem strong."

Fisherman1: "We all know what we saw and that Woopers gonna pay for what it did!"

Casey: "Not if I find it first!"

Fisherman2: "We'll see about that kid!"

(The large fishing boat begins to move away from the small wooden boat as it heads in the direction that Wooper jumped)

(Casey and Chikorita look at each in silence for a moment, thinking of a plan to catch the rouge Wooper)

(After a minute, Casey looks up at Chikorita and begins to speak)

Casey: "Chichi, I think we're gonna have to battle and catch Wooper!"

Chikorita: "Chi?"

(A little while later, the Wooper is seen jumping in and out of the water swimming away from the metal fishing boat. Behind Wooper, a Qwilfish and Goldeen are chasing it)

Fisherman2: "Qwilfish! Use Poison sting!"

Qwilfish: "Qwiiillllfiiiish!!!"

(Long glowing needles shoot out of Qwilfishes mouth towards Wooper. But, the Water fish deflects them with its powerful tail towards a rock)

Fisherman3: "Goldeen! Use Water Gun to get that monster out of the water!"

Goldeen: "Goldeen goldeen!"

(Goldeen launches a large blast of water from its mouth at Wooper but this time, counters with its own even stronger Water Gun which hits both Goldeen and Qwilfish against the Metal boat)

Fisherman2: "Qwilfish no!!!"

Fisherman3: "Not you to Goldeen!"

Wooper: "Wooperrr woo!"

(Wooper swims away as the fishermen return their fainted Pokemon to their Pokeballs and give up the chase)

(Meanwhile, Casey and Chichi are seen on land at the waters edge, looking down the river for Wooper)

Casey: "Wooper! Woooopper!!!"

Chikorita: "Chika! Chi chika!!!"

(Suddenly, they see bubbles on the surface of the blue lake, from below emerges the small blue Pokemon)

Wooper: "Wooper woo!"

(Wooper opens its mouth and unleashes a blast of water at Chikorita)

(Chikorita dodges it and prepares for battle)

Casey: "Ready Chichi? I guess we're gonna catch us a Wooper! Vine Whip!"

(Chikorita extends vines from its necks and grabs Wooper. Chikorita then starts to shake Wooper around)

Wooper: "Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!"

(Chikorita drops Wooper afew feet off the ground but it is able to land on its feet. Wooper then prepares to strike back)

Casey: "Chichi! Hit him with Razor Leaf!

(Chikorita begins whipping its head around and launches sharp leaves at Wooper)

Wooper: Woooooper!!!

(Wooper kicks up large mounds of mud at Chikoritas leaves and it stops them. The remaining mud flies at Chikorita and covers it, obscuring its vision in the battle)

Casey: "Chichi its ok! We're still doing ok! Try and hit it one more time with a Razor Leaf!"

(While blinded, Chikorita launches its leaves randomly. None of them hitting Wooper)

Wooper: "Wooper woop woo!"

(Wooper continues to slap mud at Chikorita and it continues to hit)

Chikorita: "Chiiiii..."

Casey: "Don't give up Chichi! We can do this! Try and hit Wooper one more time! Razor leaf!!!"

(Chikorita stands up slowly, opens its eyes and sends 3 sharp leaves at Wooper. It jumps up and dodges one but is hit to the ground by the other two. Wooper suddenly starts to cringe)

Casey: "Nows our chance! Pokeball gooooo!!!"

(The red and white sphere wiggles on the ground as Casey and Chikorita watch for the result)

READY FOR GRADING

 

Can someone plz grade my story? I dont mean to be a bother or anything.

 

claimed for frenzy

 

Intro:
My first impressions of the story on a whole.
I didn't expect a script-styled story. I was worried that it wouldn't have enough description/stage direction. However, as I read on, I was proven wrong.


Plot/Reality:
What stuck out in my mind as I was reading as unusual.

The plot was a solid tale without any real plot holes or inconsistencies. The only very small concern I have is that the first fisherman didn't have a Pokemon sent out to battle the Wooper. Just making it so that it was just two fishermen would fix it up rather quickly, but if you added another Pokemon, that story could expand and add to the display of Wooper's power.


Details:
What kind of picture did you paint with your words

Again, I thought that the amount of detail wouldn't be enough, but you described the attacks as stage direction relatively well for a simple Pokemon. You were able to describe the Wooper fairly well. However, I would recommend, if you wanted to play off the script-like story you have, a casting text. So its like, Billy will be playing Casey, a short dark haired boy in jeans and hoodie. Also, you could expand the setting text to include descriptions of the trainer and Chikorita.

Grammar:
What you're high school english teacher would point out.

A few things popped up, so I'll just list them:

Two subjects with their own verbs, so it is a compound sentence, requiring a comma before the "and."

Chichi’s
"They" should be lowercase, since it is in the middle of the sentence.

Metal is just an adjective not a term, so it should be lowercase.

In Bold, is not a complete sentence. It should tack onto the sentence before it: "While blinded, Chikorita launches its leaves randomly, none of them hitting wooper." Or you can change "hitting" into "hit," making it a verb.

It refers to the mud, not Wooper, so a comma is needed to seperate the sentences.

Spelling mistakes:

This is called a dangling participle. It's when the participle (phrases like asking or telling or feeling, pretty much "ings") is describing something, but doesn't appear next to what it is describing. In this case, Wooper is not the one asking it, Casey is. Separating the phrase into its own sentence would fix it. "I ask it too late, though, for Wopper jumps back into the lake and swims below the surface."

a bit
didn't
a few
rogue, rouge is a noun dealing with cosmetics

Possessives:

Wooper's
Qwilfish's


Length:
The length of time it felt like to read this story.

Quick and easy read, which is why this grade is coming back so fast.


Personal Feelings:
Really? I have these?

I enjoyed the change of story-telling. I was big into the drama part of my high school, though I mainly the ochestra guy (and yes, "the" not "a"). I never got to actually perform since I was needed in the background, so this touches a good nerve in me.

Conclusion:
One Liner Wrap Ups

Plot/Reality: Reminds me of Brock's Happiny from the Anime.
Details: Simple yet effective in the style.
Grammar: Watch it a bit.
Length: My God Fastest Read Ever

Verdict:

Spoiler

Wooper?

Spoiler

(The ball stops shaking and echoes, indicating that the capture was successful)



Congrats! Enjoy your new super powered Wooper! In the future, just watch your spelling.

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