Pursuit of the Legendary Leafeon

(to whomever grades this thank you, I know you have a valid reason for taking awhile but Its actually a good thing. Im learning to not be impatient with this kinda stuff)
Pokémon: Leafeon
Length: 30454

"This really stinks Boe" I said to my Baltoy, Boe, as we walked home in the dark night sky. "I can never seem to find a Leafeon anywhere. I mean I know that its kinda rare to find and everything but after four entire days of searching I think I should have at least found one clue to where I might find one. Oh well looks like the next stop is...... Cinnabar Island. We had better get some shut eye for the long trip ahead." As we laid down atop the grassy fields and began to look at the stars I whispered, "goodnight."

As the sun rose over the mountains in the distance an alarm went off on my phone followed shortly by a loud scream. "BOE, BOE WAKE UP!!!" I yelled as I shook the unconscious Baltoy. "WE OVERSLEPT! THE BOAT IS ABOUT TO LEAVE!" As the lazy Baltoy rose from its slumber I grabbed my hat and rushed towards the town hastily grabbing my bags and praying that we would get the chance to reach it on time. As we sprinted into town I saw the boat preparing to set sail and yelled out, "BOE! I KNOW I'M GOING TO REGRET THIS BUT USE PSYBEAM ON MY BACK AND LAUNCH ME TOWARDS THAT BOAT!" Boe did as I asked without much delay and, as I expected, I was in pain and going nearly 50 miles per hour towards a giant metal boat. I clearly did not think this through. Luckily for me it seemed as though they were moving some of the bedding for the passengers at the time and I hit a large queen sized mattress. "Oh thank god. Nice shot Boe." I muttered as I tried to stand up before proceeding to enter the boat and collapse atop the boats deck.

"Hello." I heard from behind me. It was a girl about fourteen or fifteen years old standing just outside of a doorway on top of the red velvet carpeting that was placed on the boats deck. The lights around the entire boat seemed to dim down except for one light on her, which grew brighter as if to emphasize the beautiful young girl. Her long, shining black hair seemed to radiate a sense of calm, and her casual clothes were excessively gorgeous on her, which helped develop the sense of beauty that her sweet voice had originally created.

"Yes? Did you need me for something?" I asked the girl while trying to stand up.

"Um. You are in your underwear."

"I am?" I looked down. "I AM!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Thankfully the room I bought for the long boat ride was not too far away and I had my favorite shirt and pants ready and on at the blink of an eye. As I went outside I saw her still standing there. "I'm really sorry about that." I apologized while rubbing the back of my head. "I fell asleep outside last night and I didn't want the bugs to eat my clothes so all I could wear was my underwear and I had to rush just to get here because I woke up late. Well anyway my name's Brett what might yours be?"

She smiled and laughed a little and replied, "I'm Lindsey. Its a pleasure to meet you."

"So Lindsey I really need to ask you something. Have you seen any Leafeon recently?" I inquired. "You see I've spent the past four or five days searching for a Leafeon to accompany me and my Baltoy, Boe, on our journey."

"Well, I think I could help you but if I do I want something in return."

"And what might that be?"

"I want to travel with you too."

"Deal. But only if I can catch it."

"Good. Now let's go into your room to talk about this more. There might be other people searching for a Leafeon."

"I did not even think about that." I replied as we began to leave the main hall. "But you are right."

“Okay now listen up Brett” Lindsey said. “I know it probably sounds unusual for there to be a Leafeon on Cinnabar Island but you have to believe me, I saw one.”

“I don't doubt you at all.”

“That's good but listen. This Leafeon isn't a normal Leafeon. You know how a normal Leafeon has green leaves on its body? This one has only blue leaves.”

“Okay , now I'm starting to doubt you.”

“I'm serious. I saw it with my own eyes. I don't know why exactly its on that island, maybe it hitched a ride on a boat or something but I know for a fact that it has blue where it should be green.”

“I'll trust you for now but you have to understand my skepticism. Now do you know where this Leafeon is? Or do you just know that it is on Cinnabar Island?”

“Well....” She said with a very long pause. “I know that it is there and I know that it is towards the middle of the island. But nothing more.”

“Oh well. I guess that means it may take awhile for us to find it.”

“Ya. We'll need to get some rest before our search begins and it will still take a couple of hours for us to get to Cinnabar so lets get to sleep. Wait, I just remembered that I didn't pay for a room to sleep in, only the ticket to get on. So can I sleep in your room for tonight?”

“Well I guess you can sleep in my room. I do have two beds after all.”

“Thank you very much.”

As we entered my room to sleep I got a chance to truly appreciate the boat for all of its glory. My room had two large beds at the right corner of the square room. The red and gold painted walls were pleasurable to look at and as the lights were turned off so we could sleep I noticed what seemed like an Oddish's Sleep Powder that slowly descend upon us. When the powder hit my face I immediately fell asleep left only to my dreams of the Leafeon I had yet to see.

As the sun rose I felt like I was being shoved and as I woke I realized that I was. “How are you awake right now? Is that even physically possible? I mean what is it seven in the morning?” I asked as I yawned rather loudly.

“Geez Brett do you seriously just guess what the time is? Its twelve in the afternoon. I've been shoving you for the past hour.” She replied in a rather annoyed tone,

I shot up immediately. “SERIOUSLY?” I Inquired rather loudly.

"Ya. I'm pretty sure that clock is right. Don't worry about it though, we are still at Cinnabar but I'm pretty sure that you should get dressed so we can start our search. I'll be waiting outside at the pokémon center."

As I heard the door slam, I rose to get my clothes on and check on Boe in the corner. "Get up you lazy bum. We have a quest to fulfill," I shouted to it.

After I got dressed, and it woke up, we proceeded to leave the boat and enter the bright sunlight. As we walked upon the shining beach, we saw Lindsey and a man, but this was not an ordinary man. This man was a pirate. We approached Lindsey and the pirate with caution. As soon as we got to them, I practically exclaimed "It's a pirate!" Startled by my sudden appearance and loud voice, they both turned around to face me. Judging by the pirates reaction, he got that a lot.

"Hey squirt." Replied the pirate. "It is true that I am a pirate but I do have a name. I am Olaf. And you must be Brett, am I right? I'm Lindsey's father."

"It's an honor to meet you Olaf. And yes you are correct I am Brett. But I must ask what exactly is it that you are doing here on Cinnabar Island?"

"Well if you must know, I am here to help you and Lindsey. You see the blue Leafeon that Lindsey told you about was originally a stow away on my ship. I believe that it got onto my ship somewhere in the Hoenn region."

"Wait, you just came from the Hoenn region?"

"Yes. I have been hunting a great, white Wailord all across this here world. But listen that Leafeon shouldn't be here, especially with how many fire type pokémon roam this land. Might I request that you catch it and take care of it for me?"

"Sure." I hastily replied. "It would be my honor. But are you going to leave now? And if you are leaving now, Lindsey are you going with him?"

"Yes I am leaving right now but no she will not be coming with me. I have to ask that you take care of her. Also Lindsey doesn't have any pokémon so be extremely careful out in the wild."

And with that Olaf left on his boat to hunt the Wailord with me and Lindsey waving him off. "So, Lindsey, do you want to head off and search for the Leafeon or would you like to prepare before we leave?" I asked to break the silence.

"Well, Brett, I think that we should get on our way. After all we have absolutely no idea what condition that Leafeon is in."

"I agree. Let's get out of here."

As we left the beach and headed towards the center of the island things began to get rather unusual. I knew that the island wasn't much to look at but as we walked around all we saw were the burnt up trees that probably used to make a forest and the scorching hot sand that sat beneath our feat.

"God it's hot out here. Do we have any water?" I asked through the wasteland that was my mouth.

"It's only been an hour or so and you are already tired and thirsty? I thought you were better than that." She replied.

"Fine, Fine. I'll suck it up. But what is with this unusual heat? It feels like the sun is sitting right next to me drinking a soda and getting a tan."

"How exactly does the sun get a tan?" She said through slight giggles.

"I have no idea. But there has to be something causing this heat. The only question is what is it?" As I lifted my head to the sky the answer was literally staring right at me. "It appears as though we have found ourselves Moltres." I stated.

"Wait. Where?"

"Right above us." And as Lindsey began to look up the Moltres began to use a Flamethrower. Suddenly Boe shoved me and Lindsey out of the way and used a particularly powerful Psybeam. When the attack hit the winged bird of fire it seemed to daze it for a second. Before it could recover Boe used Rock Tomb followed quickly by a Confusion. We rushed off knowing that we couldn't last against Moltres right now as there was more pressing business to attend to. When we got exceptionally far away I heard Lindsey's voice behind me.

"Not that I'm complaining or anything but why did Boe begin using all of those moves? Don't most pokémon only attack when their trainer tells them to?" She asked between gasps for breath.

"Ya most pokémon trainers have to tell their pokémon what to do verbally but I do things a little differently. You see, because Boe is a Baltoy he is held together by his use of telekinetic powers. Knowing this fact I thought that maybe it was possible for it to read minds. So one day I just threw out Boe and thought. I thought really hard. And all I thought about was that I wanted an Oran Berry. Well almost immediately after I began Boe just up and left coming back three or so minutes later with an Oran Berry floating in front of him. This was what I expected to happen but the most interesting part for me was that as soon as he got back I heard a voice coming out of nowhere saying, "Here's your Oran Berry Brett." It was right then that I knew that would never have to tell Boe anything, not even battle commands."

"But wait a second. I heard you talking to it this morning, and you yelled for it to use Psybeam on you when you almost missed the boat. Why didn't you just talk to it using your telepathic link?" She inquired.

"Well..." I responded blushing. "It's kinda embarrassing but you see while I was growing up I didn't have very many friends but I really like the sound of people's voices so I started talking to myself. Not full conversations or anything but I would just state aloud what I was thinking. And its a habit I've never been able to get over. So sometimes I will just begin speaking aloud to Boe so that I can hear the sound coming out of my mouth."

"That's not really embarrassing. But I'm glad to know that. But I do have one more question before we continue on. Why exactly doesn't Boe talk to me?"

"Well. Boe is really shy and I guess it just hasn't gotten to know you yet. Boe says that it's sorry that it doesn't talk to you. Oh and do you mind if I call it a he? I know that Baltoys' don't have genders but It feels really weird calling my best friend an it."

"Okay. Its fine Boe you don't need to apologize. And no I don't have any problems with that."

"Thanks. But we really should get going It's getting pretty dark. I think I see a river up ahead where we can stop and camp."

The short trip to the wondrous blue river was invigorating. As we got closer to it the dead trees began to become more lively and with each passing step we saw more and more green grass on the ground. When we finally reached the edged of the river the island around us looked more like the Safari Zone in my home town than the desolate island it originally appeared to be. As we set up camp for the night we began to notice the true beauty of the island we were on. The stars lit up the night sky in a way much more beautiful then you could ever imagine and the moon circling high over head appeared to be brighter than the sun. As we slowly drifted towards unconsciousness I could have sworn I saw a shooting star and just before my eyes were shut for the day I whispered "I wish we could find that Leafeon tomorrow."

The next morning we woke up relatively early. After we all cleaned up, got some drinking water, and ate breakfast we decided that we should create a raft and try using Boe's Rapid Spin to propel us up the river and towards the volcano where we could get a better look. After a couple of hours of chopping wood and tying the logs together we decided we should take a break.

"That is some excruciatingly laborious work right there." I moaned as I collapsed on the ground.

"I know." Replied Lindsey. "I feel like if I move from this spot my arms and legs are going to fall off."

"Well we are almost done and it's only the beginning of the afternoon so I don't think that we will have to work much longer. But I really want to explore this area for a bit so I'm going to walk around with Boe. Just call me if you need me." And with that I struggled to stand up and attempted to leave.

"Fine but make sure that you are back in a couple of hours. I will need a little more help to finish this raft." Lindsey yelled as I walked away.

When we entered the surrounding forest area I began to feel this rather disturbing feeling. It felt almost as though Boe and I were being watched. "Boe, do you feel that to?" I spoke aloud.

Deep in my thoughts I heard his reply, "It's not just you or me. Something seems to be bothering all of the animals here."

"Okay. That means we should travel cautiously. Be ready to fight at any instant and make sure you are ready if there is an ambush."

Suddenly a group of Spearows appeared out of the trees and proceeded to Peck at us. "CONFUSION FOLLOWED BY SANDSTORM!" I thought as hard as I could in my panicked state of surprise with Boe picking up the directions as fast as I could think them. "Good now use Rock Tomb to cover us up with rocks and give us time to think." I thought with Boe again working fast to follow my orders. As we sat there surrounded on all sides with solid rock I began thinking about a way out. It seemed as though there were six or seven of them out there and each one seems like it would be able to take a hit or two. "Should we use a combination of Psybeam and Rapid Spin or do we want to wait it out?" I asked Boe.

Boe immediately responded and I heard his voice in my head saying, "We must fight."

"Remove the rocks and proceed Boe." I told him. Then as soon as the rocks fell down I shouted my favorite battle cry, "ONWARD TO GLORY!" and ducked as the massive beam shot by Boe hissed over my head nearly singeing my hair.

Within minutes the fight was over. If you could even call it such. The dust took quite awhile to disappear but as I stood up I saw that all the Spearows had either fled from the battle or had fainted. "Awesome job Boe, but it looks like some of the Spearows' Pecks managed to hit you before we confused and blinded them. Lucky for you I just happen to have a couple of potions on hand." As I sprayed him with the potions I saw my arm was scratched all over. Probably from the lightning fast ducking I had to do to dodge the Psybeam I thought. Boe looked my way and read my thoughts of concern. "Don't worry about me. It's nothing too serious." I said rubbing the back of my head.

"BRETT! WHERE ARE YOU?" I heard Lindsey shouting.

"OVER HERE!" I yelled back.

"Finally. I was wondering if something happened to you. The raft's almost done, all we need now is to tie on two more logs and push it into the water." Suddenly she noticed the spearows lying on the ground. "WHAT HAPPENED?" She said in shock.

"Nothing. They ambushed me so me and Boe took them out. Don't worry, me and Boe suffered little to no injuries and I already healed Boe so we are fine and the Spearows should be fine in an hour or so." I replied with a smirk on my face.

"Okay. Well if you are sure there are no serious injuries we should probably get going to finish that raft."

"Agreed"

When we arrived back at the raft I saw how great of a job Lindsey did while Boe and I were under attack. She didn't actually get very far with the logs, although it was apparent that she tried, but the raft looked much better than before. She added a tarp onto one side so that we could travel in shade and even put down a red blanket for us to sit on.

"Wow, it looks really good." I said admiring her handy work.

"Thanks. I tried my best. But can you and Boe please finish tying up the logs? We need to get going."

"Fine. Boe you get the logs and I'll tie them together."

With that the logs immediately shot up from the ground and flung themselves towards the raft, stopping just short of ramming it, and I tied them on.

"Good now we can leave." Lindsey said as she hopped onto the raft.

I jumped on shortly after along with Boe and we got the raft into the river. As we propelled our selves forward the forest seemed to get more and more beautiful. There were Butterfrees, Primapes, and I'm pretty sure I saw a Chancey or two as well. "This is magnificent." I remarked as the forest passed by. "I've read about a lot of these pokémon but never have I had the chance to see them in real life. Boe you can stop spinning if you want to see it." Suddenly Boe probed my mind. "Forgot about that."

We sat there cracking jokes, telling stories, and having a marvelous time on the makeshift raft before we reached the volcano. When we reached it we first saw it reflecting upon the marvelous blue river and immediately looked up.

"There it is." I spoke as we saw the approaching giant of a volcano. "That's where we will find the Leafeon."

"Have you thought of something to name it?" Lindsey quickly asked.

"Now that I think about it no I have not. I'll probably think of it's name when I catch it."

"Okay but can I throw out some ideas for it's name before we get there?"

"Fine. You can give five suggestions and that's it."

"Good enough for me. I'll give you all of them right now. Jessi, Flow, Crystal, Laura, or perhaps you could name it after me."

"How do you know it's a female?"

"We noticed that she was a she just before she had left the ship."

"Oh. Okay. Well those are pretty good names. My personal favorites are Crystal and Lindsey but they are pretty much equal in greatness. You know what? I'll name it after you."

"Awww. Thanks."

"Now we should continue the search now that we are here."

"But Brett. Have you even looked up at the sky? It's almost dark."

"Seriously? How did I not notice that?" I looked up and sure enough the sun was setting. "Dang. I guess we will have to set up camp for the night and pick up our search tomorrow. I really hope that the leafeon will be able to survive another night."

"Don't worry about Lindsey. She can take care of herself. All we really have to worry about is whether or not we will be able to catch her when we find her."

"I guess that's true. Being tired won't help at all. I guess that's that then. We make camp here and continue the search in the morning. Good night Boe, good night Lindsey."

"Good night Brett, good night Boe."

Then Boe's voice appeared in our minds saying "Good night."

And with that we slowly drifted to sleep on the dirt underneath the starry night sky.

As the Sun began to rise overhead I slowly rose from my resting place to discover, yet again, that Lindsey was already awake. With a loud yawn I asked "How can you get up so early and not be tired?"

"I guess I'm just a morning person. You ready to get back to the search?"

"Ya I guess so. Boe, what about you?" Boe just nodded his head in acceptance. "Awesome." And with that my stomach let out a loud roar. "..... Sorry. I guess I'm just starving."

"Here, you have to eat something." Lindsey said as she handed me an omelet.

"Thanks!" I yelled shortly before cramming it down my throat.

"Now I believe we are ready to go. I found a trail that will lead us to the top of the volcano, I think that Lindsey took it so we should to."

"How can you tell?" I asked.

"I saw some tracks that match up with hers leading up the trail."

"Oh. That makes sense. Then to the top of the volcano we go."

We began walking almost immediately. With the sun blazing over head we couldn't help but sweat as we got closer to it and the volcano which was still emitting an unbearable heat. When we reached a flatter surface than the trail we were on we decided to rest for a little while to recover from the long walk up.

"God this volcano is massive!" I exclaimed as I fell to the floor.

"Your telling me." Lindsey spoke as she wiped some sweat off of her forehead. "I hope we find her soon."

"Me too."

As I began to lay back in some shade I heard some rustling in the bushes ahead of us. When I noticed this I jumped up in excitement. I began running towards the bushes to check it out in the hopes that it was the elusive Leafeon but my hopes were wrong. It turned out to be something much worse.

"Lindsey get down!" I yelled as I jumped toward her to force her to the ground. It was a Charizard and it seemed to be pretty mad. Just as I reached Lindsey and got her on the ground the Charizard let out a ferocious Flamethrower just above our heads. "Boe. Can you use your Psychic to get Lindsey to a safer place?"

His thoughts once again reached mine. "I can but it will take a couple of seconds. You will have to survive on your own." Boe announced.

"That's fine with me. Do it." And with my command Boe levitated Lindsey to a boulder that she could use for protection as I tried my best to dodge the Charizard's relentless torrent of attacks. After the Flamethrower it burst forth from the cloak of fire it had produced and slashed at me with Fire Fang. I just barely managed to jump out of its way but it managed to hit my pants and leave a nice burn on my skin.

"Boe go help Brett!" Lindsey exclaimed as she ran behind the boulder. "I'll be fine here but Brett looks like he's in trouble.

Boe nodded his head and rushed to my side. I noticed Boe charging towards me and was distracted just long enough to where Charizard could let out a Smokescreen. This was a major problem for me as I tried to walk backwards and tripped and fell on my back. "Boe use Rapid Spin to clear up this smoke!" I yelled in obvious desperation.

As Boe began to spin the smoke began to dissipate and I saw Charizard, once again, slashing at me with Fire Fang. The glowing hot fangs were about an inch away from me when Boe used Psychic to repel the attack and deal some damage to the Charizard. "That was close. Thanks Boe."

But the Charizard wasn't down yet. It rushed us once again and hit Boe with Wing Attack. The shear speed that the Charizard charged with managed to knock Boe down and as he tried to recover Charizard let out a burst of fiery breath with Flamethrower. As it turned around to face me, obviously assuming Boe was down, Boe got back up and used Rock Tomb. The rocks fell in a circle around the Charizard blocking it's escape and one fell on top to prevent it from flying away. Then the rocks drew together with massive force and crushed the Charizard into submission. When the rocks fell down so too did the Charizard. "Good job Boe. You saved our skin there."

As I slowly rose from the ground I noticed a massive force tackling me back down. It was Lindsey. "Brett you idiot! You could have been killed! What were you thinking getting your ONLY pokémon to save me while you tried to survive on your own!?!" She yelled at me, almost bursting into tears.

"Hey, I'm safe aren't I? Besides if you got hurt I'm not sure if I could forgive myself."

"Ya but that's not the point. You can't do reckless things just because you can. I don't want you getting hurt." She said as she banged on my chest.

"Fine. Fine. I'll stop doing dangerous and reckless things but if you could get hurt you need to move out of the way. Deal?" I asked as I stood up and offered her a hand.

"Deal." She announced almost reluctantly as she grabbed my hand and I pulled her up.

"Now that that's over are we ready to continue or do we need more break time?" I asked as I wiped the dirt off of my pants.

"I'm fine. But wasn't Boe injured in the fight?"

"Oh ya. Come here Boe, I've got a couple more potions that we can use to get you back into shape." I said as I approached Boe with a Super Potion in hand.

Boe approached me with relative haste and I applied the potion, restoring him back to prime condition. Boe then spun around showing that he was ready to continue.

"Good, I'm pretty sure we won't have to wait much longer to find this Leafeon."

As we started walking further up the volcano I watched the bushes at the edges of the path. None of them seemed to be moving at all. I also noticed that there was virtually no pokémon on this mountain. Even after another hour of walking that Charizard was still the only one we saw.

"Something's not right here." I stated with suspicion.

"Ya, where are all of the pokémon? We should have seen at least one or two more by now if not for a couple dozen." Lindsey replied.

"Could something have scared them off?"

"I guess but it would have to be pretty terrifying to scare off some of these pokémon. After all we have only seen a Charizard and that was pretty far down. Maybe it was scared too and that thing was amazingly powerful."

"I really hope that the Leafeon isn't caught up in this some how..."

"Hey look. We are almost at the top. Maybe here we will find what's scaring the pokémon away."

And sure enough after we stepped on to the top it became abundantly clear what was scaring them away. There was a massive Magmortar just shooting out flames everywhere. And then we saw the Leafeon. The Magmortar wasn't shooting flames just because it could, It was attacking the Leafeon as she ran around dodging the flames.

"Lindsey look! It's the Leafeon and it's being assaulted by that Magmortar!" I shouted in disbelief.

"We need to help it now!" Lindsey shrieked.

"Boe you distract the Magmortar. I'll go protect the Leafeon."

Almost immediately we split up and rushed towards our targets. Boe shot out a Psybeam that hit the Magmortar square in the chest and I dove and grabbed the Leafeon. When I got back up to run Lindsey to Lindsey, who could keep her safe while i fought the Magmortar, I noticed the Magmortar unleashing an intense Fire Blast that blew Boe a couple feet back. I quickly dashed to Lindsey and handed her the Leafeon then turned around and charged at the Magmortar. Boe swiftly used Ancient Power which made the Magmortar stumble and then I rammed it, knocking it to the floor. I noticed that there was a new burn on my flesh and it began to sting immediately unlike the previous one which I still couldn't feel. Then Boe used Confusion so that when the Magmortar got back up it would have problems hurting us. Then I yelled to Lindsey "Lindsey! You grabbed my bag right?"

"This one?" She yelled while holding up a black and red bag.

"Ya. Toss it to me." I exclaimed as I watched the Magmortar dance around in circles spewing flames everywhere. She threw the bag and it landed right at my feet. "Thanks." I yelled to her. "Now he's about 50 feet ahead of me. That should be far enough." I mumbled to myself as I dug around in my bag and pulled out what looked like a gun and a black ball with a silver x on it. I then loaded the ball into the gun and took aim. I pulled the trigger and the ball came flying out of the gun at an extremely high speed. Suddenly the ball opened up along the silver x and a beam shot out and hit the Magmortar.

"What was that thing?" Lindsey shouted as we watched the ball shake back and forth.

"It's my own invention. I call it a gravity ball. The gun launches the ball at high speeds and provides a massive spin to the ball which generates higher levels of gravity inside the ball as it travels farther. It won't peg the pokémon like other balls so that it doesn't injure them and It opens four ways because I thought it would look cooler."

Suddenly we heard a click. The ball was no longer moving and the Magmortar was officially caught. I walked over and picked it up off of the ground and brought it back to Lindsey. "Here. I needed a test subject for the gravity ball and thought that the Magmortar would be a perfect subject to demonstrate it's abilities but I think you should have it. After all you need something to protect you in harsh environments like this place."

"Thanks" She said as she took the ball from my hand. "It really means a lot."

"Now that that's over with I guess we should find out if this Leafeon is willing to come with me."

"Willing? I thought you were going to catch it?"

"I am but I won't injure it or anything. If she doesn't want to come with me I won't make her. Now which ball should I use?" I responded as i dug through my bag to find the right ball. "Okay all i have left is one Gravity ball and one pokéball. I think I'll use the Gravity ball because it looks awesome."

"I agree. Hopefully she won't mind coming with us."

"Wait. Us? I honestly thought that you were going to go home after we caught this Leafeon."

"Well originally I was but it's been too much fun hanging out with you. You don't mind do you?"

"Not at all, I just needed to make sure you were set on your plan. Now I guess just set her down and I'll toss the pokéball."

"All right." Lindsey said as she slowly put down the Leafeon.

"Here it goes." I announced as I lightly tossed the Gravity ball and watched the beam take the Leafeon. "Now I guess it's all up to Leafeon."

We watched in utter silence as the ball began to shake. First shake. Second shake. Third shake. Then the ball stood still. Would we hear the click of success or would the Leafeon emerge from the ball and leave us? The suspense was murder.

 

I would just like to mention to whomever grades this: Please give some examples for where/how to put description into the story a little better. I am almost positive that my description was decent at best and because of that I wound up having to force some things in there to add length. I think I worked them into the story reasonably but I would prefer not to have to do that. Also I would like to here opinions on the gravity ball. Good or Bad idea?

 

Claimed. The precious....I WOULD LIKE THE PRECIOUS! Story that is.

 

Intro: Your intro is all right. You do a good job making the reader interested in the story, and gives an insight into what the story is about. Just one problem: You don't describe your main character, or his Pokemon. Decribing your main character is important. Even just telling the reader what he's wearing can help us figure out his personality. For example, if he was wearing a tuxedo (for some reason), I would guess he was a very formal person (or James Bond). If he was just wearing a t-shirt, then I would figure he was pretty casual. If he wasn't wearing anything, I would figure he just escaped from some sort of bio lab, or that he was insane. Little things help push your story along.

Plot: Your plot was kind of generic for a Pokemon as demanding as Leafeon. You did add some flavor to your story with humor, the battle scenes on Cinnabar Island, and Brett's growing romance with Lindsey (Awww....). These things save your story, but I'm warning you right now. In the future, you will need a more complex plot for any complex or demanding Pokemon. I do like your story, but trainers go searching for a Pokemon somewhere is so over done.

Dialogue: Your dialogue is cute and often funny. It seems realistic, but there are parts where the flow of the story is interrupted by sloppy dialogue, or grammatical errors, which I will outline in the next section:

Grammar: One huge problem you had, was your lack of commas:

That whole thing corrected should be:

Aside from the commas, I also capitalize the 'G' in good night (which is two words by the way), and I changed in to under, which I put in bold. I don't think they were walking home IN the night sky.

Here's another place with errors:

Corrected it should be:

Aside from needing to add more commas, I changed calming to calm.

I just want to tell you again, MORE COMMAS. Before:

After:

Aside from correcting your commas again, I divided that one paragraph into two, and messed around with some of the sentence structure.

You misspelled feet:

It should be:

I don't think there's an English or Australian spelling of feet that's different from the American spelling, so you can't get me with that.

Here's something else I noticed:

It should be:

After dialogue, the next word should be lowercase, unless it's a name.

Misspelled word:

Should be:

There were also a few places where you switched your and you're. Remember you're means you are. Your is just your. Your shows posession of something, and you're means you are something.

Most of your errors were typos, misspelled words, and comma problems. Everything else looked good.

Detail: You provide a lot of detail about the things your characters see, and the places they go, but there are several imprtant things that you never describe. You never describe Brett, and you don't describe ANY of the Pokemon. With over 500 Pokemon now, it's important to provide at least a short description of the one's you use in your story. What I've been told by other graders, is to pretend your describing a Pokemon to someone who has never seen it before. You do okay describing the moves, but for a demanding story, I would like to see a bit more detail.

Length: Your story is 30.5k, and the minimum length for Leafeon 40k, so you are a little bit short.

Reality: I saw nothing that was hard to believe about this story, except why the Leafeon was blue. Shiny Leafeons are darker green. Other than that, everything checks out.

Personal Feelings: I liked your story. It was a fun read, and in places it made me laugh. At the same time, it seems choppy and unfinished. I'm split about this, but I'm going to have to say:

Outcome: Leafeon....not captured.

Your story would be good enough for any category less than demanding, but as it is, you have a lot of grammar problems, you're short on length, and you don't do a good job describing Brett or any of the Pokemon. I want you to go back, describe how Brett looks, describe how the Pokemon look, and fix some of your grammatical errors. When you're done, PM me for a regrade. I liked your story, but it needs a little touching up.

 

Dang. I new I would have problems with grammar. Thanks for grading it.I'll try to fix it soon. Also did they change Leafeon's difficulty? I could have sworn that It was Complex earlier.....I hate commas

 

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a grader!

Actually, Alaskapigeon, "omelet" is also correct. The main difference is that 'omelette' is the French spelling and 'omelet' is the borrowed English spelling. Which one you use is a matter of personal preference.

And while I'm butting in, and since Tortamorph asked for help as far as descriptions go:

This man was a pirate. We approached the pirate. I exclaimed, "It's a pirate!" Judging by the pirate's reaction...

You tend to overuse words, and they aren't paticularly descriptive. Okay, so our collective conciousness has a general idea of what a pirate is, but when describing something, more than "generic pirate" is required.

What made your character think this guy was a pirate?

And it wouldn't be that he's wearing "piratey clothes." That's using the same word to define itself. If you were talking to someone who didn't know what a pirate was, how would you describe his clothing? His posture? His disposition? Paint the world with words! (This is quite similar to what Alaskapigeon was telling you, but instead of applying it to Pokemon, apply it to everything.)

What was his reaction? Did he scowl? Did he sigh and roll his eyes? Did he slouch in emotional defeat?

That is what is meant by adding description. Not forcing in needless adjectives and adverbs to add length, as you said. Keep that in mind and you'll be catching that Leafeon in no time!

 

Sorry. I know a bunch of alternate spellings of words, but I didn't know there was one for omelette. Stupid Revolutionary War. Pip pip, Cheerio.

 

to DRaB I noticed the lack of description towards his piratey-ness and im trying to correct that but I guess I did overuse pirate. Ill consider changing it but I kinda liked putting pirate in a lot, and if I don't like what i write what exactly would be the point in writing it? But thanks for the help. Things like that will definitely help cut the time it takes to find errors.

 

Well, liking what you write is all well and good, especially if you're writing for yourself. But right now you're putting it online, and that means you're writing for an audience. You shouldn't bend to their every whim TBH, but small details like that really shouldn't affect the plot at all.

I'm not saying you shouldn't use the word 'pirate.' I'm just saying describe him and the reasons you concluded that he was a pirate.