Protecting The Prey!

Pokemon trying to capture: Magikarp
Category: Easiest 3000 - 5000 charecters
Charecters: 3,290.

Behind my flopped the infamously useless Pokémon known as Magikarp.
Its light orange scales and crown shaped fin collecting dirt as it panicked, gasping for air.

About twenty paces or so in the opposite direction was a beautiful, glistening lake beckoning for its inhabitant back. The sunlight poured over its turquoise coating and sent shimmering rays throughout the surrounding trees and bushes, making the emerald setting glow with pride.

This beauty had to wait to be truly admired as I stood with my arms outstretched and with only one intention.

Protecting this Magikarp.

“Urrssariinng…” Another Pokémon growled.

This Pokémon was an intimidating bear like creature. Its fangs were bared and occasionally he snarled at myself and Magikarp who he planned to have all for himself.

“Don’t worry buddy! I’ll protect you as long as I can!” I called out reassuring the frantic Magikarp.

The Pokémon just fumbled and leaped helplessly as it tried to make its way back to the safe depths of the lake.

“Go! Golduck! Use Confusion!” I bellowed as I released my prize Pokémon, Golduck from his spherical confines.

Before appeared Golduck, his webbed claws twitching and his bill quivering as the intimidation of this powerful adversary took hold.

Golduck quickly gathered his focus and spread his arms wide. Behind his eyes seemed to go dead momentarily as the mysterious power of his took over.

Ursaring was enveloped in a strange light which shimmered beautiful but immediately turned aggressive and sent this bear tumbling towards a towering tree.

Leaves rained elegantly over the Pokémon’s head as it regained its stance.

Ursaring began to lift its trunk like arm and began to take direction towards Golduck.

“Use Screech!” I ordered as Golduck immediately opened his bill and released a sharp quack from within.

Ursaring paused and grabbed its tender ears as it shook of the pain and then glanced devilishly at me. It lowered itself onto all fours and began punching at the ground fiercely, sending tremors throughout the surrounding area with brute force.

I saw as Magikarp ceased leaping as it was pummelled by the quakes.

“Quickly Golduck! Ursaring is using earthquake! Grab Magikarp with Aqua Jet and head for the lake!” I commanded in best interest of the Magikarp.

Golduck nodded and crouched slightly before being enveloped by a stream of water and shooting of in the direction of Magikarp.

Ursaring immediately noticed this and ceased walloping the ground and gave chase to Golduck with frightening speed.

But the agility of Golduck was to much for the giant bear and Golduck safely collected the failing water Pokémon from the ground and dashed for the lakes depths.

The Ursaring bellowed in failure as Magikarp tauntingly leaped from the waters and into the fresh air, splashing myself and Golduck mischievously.

“Get lost Ursaring! You lost this one!” I shouted at our foe.

The Ursaring growled angrily but admitted defeat and slunk of into the woodened area beside the lake.

“You did a great job Golduck! Now return!” I smiled at my partner as it became nothing more then a beam of red light retracting into the confines of the pokeball.

“Be safe Magikarp! Stay where its safe!” I chuckled as Magikarp gave one final sprinkle of fresh water and then dove into the haven of the lake and its home.

 

Introduction, Characters, Backstory: First of all, this is an Easiest-difficulty catch, so it doesn't really need much in the way of character development, introduction, or backstory.

The problem here is that it has none at all. The reader doesn't know who your character is, where he is except that he's near a lake, why he's there, trying to protect a random Magikarp, or pretty much anything else... Could you give us maybe just a few sentences of info, such as...

All this beauty had to wait to be admired as I stood with my arms outstretched, with only one intention: To protect this Magikarp.

I'd simply been walking along the path near the lake, minding my own business, when I heard a loud roar followed by a wet flopping noise and a frightened cry of "Karp! Karp!!"

I'd known immediately that a Pokémon needed my help. And that's why I now found myself here, between an angry Ursaring and its prey.

The only other thing that I'd ask from your intro would be that it communicate more clearly where all the objects around you are; All I understood was that the Ursaring was in front of you, along with the lake, while Magikarp was behind you, but I didn't get any sense of how far they were ahead of/behind you, and the tree that Ursaring ran into seemed to show up out of nowhere.


Plot Content, Plot Flow: Uhh, not much plot here. That's not really expected-- a Magikarp catch is generally just a random encounter. Trying to cram an actual storyline into 3k-5k characters would be silly. Still, as I said above, a tiny bit of backstory would be preferable.


Grammar, Sentence Flow: Your prose... it's purple! And it reads like Olde Englishe. xD

The bolded parts are full of excessively flowery language and sentence structure. It's nice to be a bit archaic once in a while, but you need to take care not to cross over into the realm of illegibility.

To give examples:

"...as he took in his adversary's intimidating facade," would work better for the first bolded section.

"...his mysterious power," for the second.

"...which shimmered with a kind of aggressive beauty. The bear was lifted slightly off the ground and sent tumbling straight into a towering tree." There ALSO needed to be something in this paragraph that made it clear the light was a result of Golduck's 'mysterious power.' I didn't understand it was a psychic attack until just now... xD

Still, even if it's a bit hard to understand at times, your grammar is almost all technically correct. Just try not to make so much use of the format, "the ____ of ____." ('The intimidation of his powerful adversary,' 'the mysterious power of his,' 'the agility of Golduck....' xD)

One last thing... A couple times, you used 'to' instead of 'too,' and in one case, 'of' instead of 'off' (the Ursaring slunk off into the wooded area next to the lake.) No biggie though. xD


Detail, Description: Pretty good. Each Pokémon is given at least a little description, and your character himself doesn't need description since it's a first-person narrative. (I'd expect a description of the human/narrator character if this were a first-person Medium or higher story, but not for an Easiest one. xD)


Battles: Pretty well choreographed, once I figured out the 'beautiful but then aggressive power' that sent Ursaring tumbling into a tree. As I mentioned above, a more detailed description of your surroundings in the introduction would also benefit the battle by making it clearer how far you and Magikarp are from the lake, how far you both are from Ursaring, by mentioning the tree that Ursaring hits, and so on.


Overall: I won't say your writing doesn't need work-- it does. But it's not bad, and it's obvious you know how to write: you'll get better with practice.

As is, your story may not be an exemplar of high literature, but it gets the job done, and in some places exceeds the requirements for an Easiest catch.

Result:
Magikarp: Caught.