Pikmon (A Pikmin/Pokemon Crossover)

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Ready to be Graded!
Target: Staryu(Hard), Skitty(Simple)
Length: 27,716
Required Length: 25,000
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Captain Olimar hurtled through the starry skies of open space as he sped towards his home planet, Hocotate. Ever since the captain and his partner, Louie, had made their first mission to the Pikmin planet he had been returning often to scavenger for new treasures. Thanks to his success, the Hocotate Freight Company was drowning in extensive profit. Olimar had just finished another trip to the planet, collecting an ample amount of valuable trinkets and was just about home when he received a call from Hocotate.

“Come in Captain Olimar, this is Louie,” a bouncy but low voice moaned over the S.S. Dolphin’s speakers.

Louie had quite the funny voice actually. It was like a dull, low moan that echoed upon itself. Olimar had to giggle every time his friend checked in.

“This is Olimar,” the captain responded.

“The boss called me to ask you your estimated values of this expedition. He’s filing production sheets tonight and will end up needing the amount before you get back.”

“I’ve already ran the numbers,” Olimar responded, “We’ll receive about 22,300 Pekos for this trip’s valuables.”

“Good, good, I’ll let him know right away!” Louie said, concluding their short conversation until a short gasp followed. “Olimar, be careful, our radars here at the plant are showing that you’re entering the betasphere of a nearby planet. If they have a defense system against intruders they may shoot you down by mistake. You should get out of there!”

It was true, Olimar was flying directly over a very large planet at a quite close range and he knew it. While Louie was right, flying through any unknown planet’s betasphere was dangerous, this was the fastest way home. Looking out the one window that lied along the side of the S.S. Dolphin, Olimar could easily see many of the plants geographical features. For the most part the planet actually glowed with a strong shade of indigo; probably because of the capacious amount of water which hugged the coast of the small bits of land that were scattered across the planet’s surface. Most of the planet’s land surfaces seemed to jump between a rocky brown, luscious green, and snowy white. Olimar finally decided to stop watching the planet so intensely and get back to flying the S.S. Dolphin.

“I know Louie, don’t worry, I…”

Olimar had begun to explain his reasons for entering the planet’s betasphere just before he was suddenly interrupted by a quake in his ship. The bulky metal contraption thrashed around, out of control. An alarm sounded within the ship and bright red light began flashing slowly.

“Olimar! What’s going on?” Louie asked frantically across the speaker within the ship.

His voice was mostly drowned out by the deafening alarm, but Olimar was able to just barely hear him; though he was ignoring him for the time being.

There were bigger problems at hand than Louie’s worries. The captain took another group out his window to notice that he was being followed by a single spinning ship. The craft seemed to be made up of five pointed ends with an elegant golden center piece, topped with a crystalline crimson jewel. Olimar couldn’t quite identify what substance the ship was made from; the only thing that he could tell was that it was made of a light bronze colored material. The spacecraft had begun firing small, star shaped, glowing bolts at the S.S. Dolphin and had caused substantial damage.

“I’ve been hit Louie! Defenders of the planet’s betasphere no doubt!” Olimar tried shouting to Louie, but to no avail.

The telecoms were losing their connection due to the damage to the ship. All’s Louie could hear was a distorted mess that slightly resembled Olimar’s voice.

“Ol…ar… Wha… …in… on…” flew across the S.S. Dolphin’s telecom speaker.

It was no use; Olimar had lost his connection to Louie. Attempting to communicate was futile.

Suddenly, the ship thrashed again as another star-shaped bolt crashed into the hull of the ship. The alarm sounding with the space vessel began beeping faster, the lights flashed brighter and the ship began spiraling; diving straight towards the mysterious planet’s surface.

As Olimar’s damaged ship hurtled through the strange planet’s atmosphere, crashing towards the surface, Olimar braced himself for the impact inside. A long red lever hung on the wall of the ship, just next to the single window; when pulled it released an entire system of air filled bags that would save Olimar from the impact of the fall. The captain pulled the lever, releasing the bags, and sat tight while he waited to crash. Outside of the ship the craft was sustaining more damage by the second. The fire surrounding the ship’s metallic outer coat from entering the atmosphere slowly chipped away at the support of the ship. With a loud crash, a few pieces of the ship broke away from the body and drifted off to the world below.

Olimar’s ship crashed directly into a large tree and then tumbled down onto a fairly large leaf many feet above the ground, which was like a few miles for the miniature captain. As the bags deflated around Olimar he pushed the eject button and was slowly released from the ship. Olimar was only a few inches tall, all people were on Hocotate; therefore, the normally sized world that he had landed on seemed even more enormous than the largeness of the Pikmin planet. Leaves were like highways, the jump from the ship to the ground was like jumping from a plane to the ground, and the tiniest insect would seem like the most gigantic monster.

Olimar, set to enter the new atmosphere in his pale yellow space suit and glass helmet, topped with a glowing red antenna, stared at his ruined ship trying to assess the damages that had been done. It appeared that only three crucial pieces were missing; the rest were just damaged or not necessary to return home, such as the telecom antenna. Almost every part of the ship was damaged in some way, but by Olimar’s calculations he would still be able to just barely make it home as long as he found the three crucial missing parts.

A soft clicking noise soon filled the area; it was almost like pieces of wood clacking together over and over again. This however, wasn’t quite the case. Olimar watched as three large different colored bulbs, each topped with a small flower-shaped propeller, lowered onto the leaf that the captain’s ship had crashed on. As the red, blue, and yellow spheres hovered just over the leaf, large pole-like legs unfolded from underneath the bulbs and supported each hull as they landed. As soon as each bulb touched the ground its propeller would stop spinning and a small hole opened in the bottom, illuminating the ground underneath.

These were the Pikmin’s space ships. Ever since Olimar encountered the Pikmin on his first journey to their planet, when he crashed his plane there and was forced to retrieve the ship parts which he had lost there, the tiny creatures had taken a liking to him and followed him around the galaxy within their own little space pods.

Olimar was relieved to see the Pikmin’s pods nearby; he had been worried that they wouldn’t follow him into this planet’s atmosphere and he was going to need their help. In great numbers, the Pikmin were capable of doing extraordinary things, including carrying Olimar’s missing ship parts and defeating any enemies they may come across. They would definitely be of great assistance; plus, it was always nice to have some friends around in an unknown area.

Olimar quickly ran over to the red Pikmin pod and let out a very loud whistle, the noise that attracted the Pikmin. In just a moment, thirty or so brightly-colored scarlet creatures, even shorter than the tiny captain, jumped from the small hole in the bottom of the pod and surrounded Olimar. The red creatures, with their large noses and leaves protruding from the tips of their heads, all let out a tiny squeak to let their captain know that they were ready for action. Olimar did this again at the yellow pod; where large-eared yellow Pikmin dropped from the hull of their ship; then again at the blue ship, where gilled indigo Pikmin dropped from their pod. All in all, Olimar had an army of about one hundred Pikmin to help him survive on this new planet.

“Weeyo!” they all squeaked, ready to embark on a new adventure.

Captain Olimar decided to waste no time, he would have to start searching for the missing ship pieces right away if he had any hope of returning home any time soon. There was no time to lose. With a strong leap, Olimar jumped from one leaf to the next and his Pikmin army followed closely behind him. Leap after leap, jump after jump, the party descended the overgrown foliage of the tree that they had crash landed on. Finally, after about an hour of heavy jumping, the group reached the ground.

Olimar wheezed and coughed, trying to bring in enough air to fill his tiny lungs as he slouched and backed against the base of the tree. The jumping had completely exhausted him as well as his miniature army; with that kind of a distance to travel they were bound to be exhausted. After a short rest, the group began moving once again.

Olimar was shocked at the size of everything. He had thought that the grass and the flowers of the Pikmin planet had been large; they had towered over him like sky scrapers, but the height of the greenery on this planet seemed unreal. A single blade of grass reached as high as a plane would fly and the sky was practically green because of how high up the leaves of the trees were. Even the brown dirt that the party was walking across seemed enormous.

As the group traveled along they were often startled by the sounds of the forest. Insects chirping, bird flapping their wings, leaves rustling. The size of everything magnified the sounds, everything sounded like a crash, or a slam, or a quake of some sort. However, Olimar wasn’t truly terrified until he laid eyes on the first of this world’s inhabitants.

Olimar stared several feet in front of him and looked upon the ravaging beast that stood before him. The creature looked almost like a mouse; however, to Olimar it seemed as if the beast was as tall as the highest of trees back on Hocotate. The yellow monster had a zigzag shaped tail and was clad in brown stripes, though only across its back. There were two large scarlet circles upon the animal’s cheeks, which seemed to spark electricity every few moments. Each time they did the yellow Pikmin’s leaves would flick right up into the air, given they were attracted to and immune to electricity.

“Pika?” the golden mouse called out; though the normally squeaky call sounded like thunder to the tiny space man and his miniature friends.

Olimar’s biggest concern was that he would have to fight the monster. He and the Pikmin had fought large adversaries before, though none that were that large. the electrical mouse scuttled over to the group, each step leaving craters in the mud and causing the noises only an earthquake could make on Hocotate. The creature looked down on the party, then with another squeak just ran off in the opposite direction. Olimar breathed a sigh of relief and then continued walking along his path, scouting for any sign of his lost ship parts.

I really hope all of the creatures on this planet aren’t that big… he muttered to himself within his head, I’m not so sure we could have taken that thing…

“Hiya!”

Olimar had randomly heard an odd screechy exclamation from overhead and when he tilted his head back to see what it was, he noticed the ship that had shot him down flying over head. It was flying in the opposite direction rather quickly, and so Olimar gathered his army and took chase. The idea was that if they were lucky, maybe the ship would land and Olimar could commandeer it to fly home or even steal the parts from it that he needed.

Before long, after taking hundreds of twists and turns throughout the woods chasing the spinning, bronze star-shaped ship, the group had come to a small bump in the road; although, to Olimar and the Pikmin it was more like a very large hill. The star-shaped ship quickly flew over the hill into the distance and slowly flew out of view. Olimar wasn’t too disappointed at the loss of the ship however, because atop the hill in the road sat the first of his missing ship pieces; one of the ship’s ionium jets which would allow it to take off and fly throughout space. The ship could not function properly with just one, as it would be constantly be thrown off balance and spiral off course.

“Twelve of you; grab that and carry it back to the ship!” Olimar ordered as he pointed to the jet and then whistled.

Instantly twelve Pikmin of various colors jumped in place and scurried off towards the ship’s missing part. Suddenly a large feline creature jumped up from behind the ship’s part and landed atop the twelve Pikmin that were sent to gather the part.

“Neeoo!” the tiny creatures moaned as they were crushed beneath the kitten’s feet and their spirits rose into the air around the creature.

The pink cat playfully knocked the jet off of the hill and allowed it roll down to the ground, then continued to joyfully roll the craft’s broken part around the ground. Occasionally the kitten would even slap the jet with its large, inflated tail, which almost looked like a blown up glove.

 

“Skit! Skit! Skitty!” the kittens mewed as its face grew happier and happier with each swat at its new toy.

“That is not a play thing!” Olimar shouted at the gigantic kitten, though she ignored him. “Pikmin, attack!”

With that, Olimar picked up a yellow Pikmin and tossed it through the air as far as he possibly could. The creature landed on the monster’s back and began swatting it, damaging the enemy by pounding its head against its back profusely. The process would repeat until Olimar managed to have around thirty Pikmin on the cat’s back at a time at which point she would usually throw them off by shaking her coat like a wet dog.

Each of the Pikmin climbed aboard the prancing kitten again and again, repeatedly beating their heads into the giant until finally she began growing angry. The nopw ferocious kitten snapped up six Pikmin from the ground using her jaw and chomped them to pieces. Olimar was filled with a sense of disheartenedness as he watched the Pikmin’s tiny blue soul float into the air through the monster’s teeth.
“Skit!” she screeched as she bit down on five more Pikmin.

Olimar had top think fast, it wouldn’t be long before his army of Pikmin was completely annihilated; he had already lost a third of the team. Coming up with a plan, Olimar waited until the gargantuan kitten charged at the Pikmin again, then ordered them to link together, hand to foot, like a chain. Olimar grabbed one end of his Pikmin rope and swung it at Skitty like a whip.

The kitten moved her head to the side, expecting to have to dodge the incoming attack; however, she had misread Olimar’s actions. The Pikmin chain swung around her legs several times like a grappling hook, squeezing them inwards and binding them together. Finally, when the fifty Pikmin long rope’s length had run out each one grasped onto the fur of her legs, hog tying the kitten.

Olimar hopped up and down in a victory cheer. The remaining twelve Pikmin, mostly yellow in color, ran over the kitten’s play toy and picked it up. They used all of their strength to carry the ionium jet back towards the ship. Within minutes they were out of view and Olimar was left alone with the giant monster and his fifty remaining Pikmin.

“Hmmm…” Olimar muttered as he walked towards the gigantic animal’s head.

“Skit! Skit! Skitty! Skit Skit!” she moaned and screeched as she thrashed about, though it was to no avail.

“Skit skit? Is that all you say?” Olimar questioned, “though I suppose every animal does have its noises… Well, since I don’t know what exactly it is you are I shall name you Skitty! Pikmin, carry Skitty back to the ship for analysis and decomposing. We can use her body to harvest energy to replenish our stock of Pikmin!”

The Pikmin released their hold on Skitty’s legs and attempted top pick her up; however, Skitty strategically rolled onto one of her sides, crushing half of the remaining Pikmin, and resumed a fighting stance. With a loud mew, she charged at the group once again.

Olimar was nothing but flustered, he had assumed that this would be easy now that Skitty had calmed down a bit. He needed to think of another plan before he ran out of Pikmin completely. The remaining Pikmin jumped atop Skitty and began beating her in their own special way, just as they had before.

“I’ve got it!” Olimar shouted as he noticed a usable object near the side of the road. With a whistle, Olimar called out his next command, “Hurry, half of you grab on to either side of that log!”

What Olimar was actually pointing too was a branch that had fallen off of a tree, though it didn’t mater to him. It was the size of a log and therefore to him that is what it was. Each of the Pikmin jumped off of Skitty’s back and ran towards Olimar’s branch. About ten lined up on each side, linking hand to foot just as they had done to make the rope. As soon as they were all lined up, Olimar grabbed both of the ropes that had been created and swung them forward through the air, tossing the log in front of the miniature captain.

Olimar waited for the perfect time, for Skitty to let out another cry, and then tossed the stick once again, making it land right in the animal’s mouth. The stick hung in the back end of her mouth, jutting out of the sides of her smile by just a bit with Pikmin hanging off of each side. Olimar moved quickly, trying to put his plan into action before Skitty could dispose of the branch. He ran over to one of the Pikmin ropes and quickly climbed up, placing himself atop Skitty’s back, and then pulled on both of the Pikmin ropes to jerk the stick back further into Skitty’s mouth. As he did so, Skitty reigned back like a horse. If Olimar jerked on the left rope, Skitty turned to the left; if he pulled right, she turned right, if he pulled both she would stop, and if she cracked the ropes against her neck like whips she would run. Olimar had managed to make Skitty his transportation; he was in complete control of her.

Olimar rode Skitty through the woods as fast as she would go. The rate at which she pranced down the path was at least a hundred times faster than the pace Olimar had taken when they had first started. Within a minute they had covered more ground then he and the army of Pikmin had covered until when they had found the ionium jet. The captain continued down the path until finally he had found what he was looking for. The floating bronze star was slowly beginning to fade back into his range of vision. It was still spinning forward at a rapid rate; however, Skitty was running faster.

It was only about ten minutes before Olimar and Skitty were directly underneath the flying, five-pointed, space ship. Each was racing through the woods, trying to gain an edge over the other. The star couldn’t escape, Olimar had it this time. He plucked one of the yellow Pikmin from the rope and tossed it into the air, causing it to land just atop on of the points of the spinning star.

The sunflower-colored Pikmin waddled across the surface of the brown starship, tumbling over and tripping up as it got dizzier and dizzier from the ship’s constant spinning motion. The Pikmin wandered the enemy’s surface until it reached the grand crimson jewel in the center of the five points. Without further ado, the large-eared Pikmin began rapidly banging its head against the glass center of the ship.

The star began wavering off balance and even slowing down as the Pikmin progressed in its mission to bring down the ship. The ship tipped to one side, then to another, climbing up and down through the air as it began losing control of its own flight pattern. Finally, the Pikmin succeeded in creating a large jagged crack in the center of the star’s scarlet gem stone. With that the Star plummeted to the ground and crashed into the rocky ground, tumbled across the dewy grass, and splashed into a small puddle as it came to a halt. Slowly, the star jumped up into the air and stood upon to of its points, as if they were legs. The gem in the center of its chest blinked to show that it had taken considerable damage.

As the star stood within the puddle it slowly sucked up all of the water through the tips of its five points, and soon the crack had faded from the no longer blinking gem. It was at this point that Olimar realized that he had not been chasing a ship at all. This wasn’t anything he could take ship parts from; it was a large star fish. He had been chasing just another gargantuan creature of this distorted world.

The starfish was angry, Olimar could tell by the way the gem had faded from a bright scarlet to a blood red. The star had two of its points bent forward, almost as if it was taking a fighting stance. It sprung off the ground, began spinning once again, and dove towards Olimar and the Pikmin.

The party ducked, causing the star to fly right over them; only three Pikmin who’s leaves were snapped off by the angry creature had died. They looked up at the mislead enemy, who hovered above them for just a moment before making another swoop, taking out another two of Olimar’s troops. The star changed its tactics quickly, as it realized it would have to get far too close to the ground for its Rapid Spin to strike its enemies. The five-pointed monster tipped its top most point forward, as it hovered over the crowd of enemies below, and bellowed a stream of gushing water at the foes.

Olimar whistled, calling the Pikmin who still stood upon the ground to hop atop Skitty’s back. As they did so Olimar jerked his Pikmin-reignsto the left, telling Skitty to dodge to the side. Skitty quickly began running from the ever-quick jet of water that the star tried to bombard her with. Olimar navigated her in and out of swirls of water coming from the star’s cannon-like point. He knew that if he was hit by the water that only his blue Pikmin would survive and he would lose his hold on Skitty. Quickly thinking, he grabbed one of the blue Pikmin from atop the kitten’s back and tossed it as hard as he could towards the floating star.

“Stop that stream of water!” he shouted, as the single Pikmin hurdled through the air.

The tiny gilled Pikmin landed atop the star’s right-hand point and shook off the drops of water that had hit it through its flight. He climbed as high as he could, waddling up the steep slope of the top-most point and dove into the open hole that protruded water towards Olimar and the Pikmin. Being just about the size of the hole, the Pikmin became lodged within the gap and halted the flow of water, as it bombarded its bottom from inside, unable to be released.

Olimar glared at the star as he took advantage of his chance to attack. He tossed three yellow Pikmin from his back directly at the center of the star’s crystal, which Olimar had determined to be its life source. As each struck the crystal, it reawakened the crack that had healed just minutes earlier and then toppled to the ground to die. While Olimar may not have had many more Pikmin to waste, this was a necessary sacrifice. The injured star fell to the water-logged ground again out of weakness and lay on the ground, unable to move.

Skitty dove forward, claws extended, and quickly clawed at the star in place that it could possibly reach. Her claws swiped across the bronze-coat, scratching it in several places; they smashed into the crimson life-force gem, leaving it nicked and dinged in several places. With that, she bit on tightly to one of the points and ripped back with her teeth, exposing a disgusting, sea-weed green under-lay behind the star’s beautiful bronze armor.

As Skitty clawed at the star one last time to deal a final blow, she slipped on the muddy ground below her and slashed higher than expected. The kitten’s razor-like claws dug through the head of the corked Pikmin. The blue creature dropped to the ground as its body went limp and all of the water that had built up burst from the nearly dead star with even more pressure than it had shot at before. The water hit Skitty directly in the face, sending her hurdling several feet; the pressure forced Olimar off of the kitten’s back and threw him into the mud; the water burned through all of the Pikmin’s skin like acid, except for the immune blue ones, and killed off all but Olimar’s last four blue Pikmin.

All hope seemed to be lost for the captain; he had barely any Pikmin remaining and his ferocious steed was out of his control now. He had no way of combating an adversary such as the star with only four Pikmin. Olimar was just about to call a retreat when Skitty surprisingly leapt over the captain and lunged at the star with claws extended. One slash and another crack in the star’s gem later, she landed back on the ground in the center of their little battlefield.

Skitty was soaked from head to toe and even after shaking off as much water as possible she was still dripping. As everybody knows, cats hate the water, so this fight was no longer forced upon her. She wanted it; she wanted revenge.

Skitty dug her heels into the soft water-logged earth below her feet and closed her eyes soundly. The enraged feline hummed what sounded like an ancient war prayer as she swayed calmly back and forth.

The enemy star took advantage of the halt in Skitty’s attacks by reering back its top-most point and firing a series of glowing stars from the hole in the very top of its head. The swift energy stars glided through the air at Skitty with grace and speed, homing in for a powerful strike.

Just as the stars were beginning to really home in on the chanting kitten, her eyes burst open and a snarl gently escaped her lips. The ferocious feline’s eyes were now stained with the eerie cerulean of an ethereal psychic power. She charged forward, running straight through the energetic stars that were flying at her; each one bounced off of the glowing fur on the top of her head, and was thrust into a tree somewhere in a different direction. Finally, Skitty dove through the air and headbutted the damaged enemy directly in the center of its five points.

The Staryu’s gem shattered into a thousand pieces and sprinkled to the ground like sparkling ruby dust. With the sparkling pieces of ruby, fell the bronze armor which remained wrapped around the star’s grotesque real form. Chunks of bronze, chunks of crystalline ruby, and even chunks of gold fromt eh clasp that encased the ruby, fell tom the ground; following them, the star shaped, sickly green, porous body of the Staryu buckled over into the muddy ground.

Olimar watched, four Pikmin at his side, as the foe that brought him to this planet fell over, defeated. As his Skitty steed shook off her fur once again and galloped into the woods, Olimar stared up at the starry sky of the night. He watched the stars go by, the moon pass, and the planets hover in the beyond. He gazed with wonder, guessing about whether he would finally be able to find his remaining ship pieces and return to the spacy darkness above.

“Pikmin, carry that star-like creature’s husk back to the onions,” he commanded.

With this, the four Pikmin carried the surprisingly lightweight body of his fallen foe into the woods, towards their own onion-shaped ships. After absorbing the body and spawning more Pikmin, and regrouping with the ones who had carried the first ship-part back, Olimar hoped to venture out again to find the remaining pieces of his ship so that he could return home.

The captain started into the woods himself, heading back to the tree where he had started this crazy adventure.

 

claimed

 

Intro:
Love the continuation of the Pikmin series. It makes sense logically. I've only played the first one, though. It was a good hook.

Plot/Reality:
When I first saw that this was crossover, I thought, "Hmm, this is interesting." And then I saw it was a Pikmin crossover, and I thought, "Bwwhat? How's this going to work?" You did a beautiful job of explaining how Olimar ended up on the Pokemon Planet. However, I did have a few concerns:

First: Staryu - the Name
With the way you right, it seems like you have certain tendencies. One of them is naming. The narrator seems to follow Olimar's thought pattern and is NOT all knowing. This is determined when you don't refer to Skitty by name until Olimar names it. However, in the last few paragraphs of the story, you mention Staryu's name, despite Olimar not naming it nor giving any indication that he did. I understood, knowing Pokemon Universe, but imagine that a person didn't know Pokemon. The name "Staryu" would confuse them, since Olimar is the one naming these creatures.

It's hard since in the anime, Staryu is one of the few Pokemon that don't say their "names."

Second: Staryu - under the Armor
This isn't as much a negative as me praising your creativity. While it made my skin crawl a bit to imagine what's behind its "armor," especially since I've been with Pokemon since the beginning. But it was a new spin and it was much appreciated.

Third: Staryu - the Attack
Why did Staryu attack Olimar's ship, and how did it get up that high?

Fourth: Skitty and Pikmin - the Gender
You initially refer to Skitty and all the Pikmin as genderless, since Olimar doesn't know their sex. However:

You see how it could be confusing to switch the gender so quickly without establishing how Olimar knows.

The same thing happened here:

This was even more confusing as the gender switch happened in the middle of the same paragraph.

Lastly: the Colors - Indigo/Blue
Being a Digital Media Major, I've had to take a number of color courses about color. You've referred to the third group of Pikmin as both Indigo and Blue. I think you were trying to spice up the story by using different names, but understand that Indigo is between Blue and Violet. Also, people tend to associate Indigo closer to Violet/Purple than Blue, since Blue is a pure primary color.

Details:
The gender and Staryu concerns are referred to in the Plot/Reality section.

You gave good descriptions of the Pokemon without saying that they were Pokemon, which is what we like to encourage. Though, I'm not sure if there are starfish and cats on Hocotate, so it wouldn't make sense for a narrator following Olimar's train of thought to refer to the Pokemon as such.

The "attacks" by Olimar were cleaver and intricate. And I'm glad that you didn't just say something like "Skitty used Slash," but describe it. However:

You refer to is as a move, yet Olimar wouldn't know this, so the narrator wouldn't know to refer to is as a title. I would suggest changing it to "for its rapid spinning to strike its enemies." It's a very small thing though.

It seemed like, at the end, you rushed to finish it. The aftermath didn't have many details, and I wished to see you detail how exactly the process of Staryu's body becoming Pikmin worked.

Grammer:
Again, refer to the Plot/Reality section for gender and Details section for the title capitalization concerns.

This piece of dialogue is actually two sentences. The first one is "Come in" which also includes "Captain Olimar" as the person being referred to, so the sentence should be: "Come in, Captain Olimar. This is Louie," a bouncy....

When a dialogue is separated by commas, the first word inside the quotes of the diologue immediately after the dialogue tag, is lower case:

This one is tricky. Lie and Lay have the same meaning, and there past tense forms are "Lay" and "Laid" respectively. "Lay" is used when the subject is doing something to (in this case) itself. "Laid" is used when the subject is acting on something else. The window isn't laying anything down, it is instead reclining itself on something. So it should be "lay" instead of "laid." I actually had to do a lot of research on this one, since I've been wondering the same thing, so this isn't a big mistake at all.

I believe you meant "look."

This is the problem. There are two ways of using commas in a list of three or more. One way is to use a comma before the "and" or "but" or etc. The other is to not use a comma there. I'm going to go with the way the majority of what your story does, and you tend to use a comma before the and. That's why I'm bring this one up.

When you put "however" in the middle of a sentence like this, it should be surrounded by commas. People often get confused about this point because in long sentences sometimes you need a comma and sometimes you need a semicolon with your however.

There should be a comma before this "and," but "and" isn't the best word to use here. "he was going to need their help" is an explanation of why "he had been worried that they wouldn’t follow him into this planet’s atmosphere" so using "; because," would make more sense.

By definition, you can squeak a sentence, but grammatically, you can't. It's a confusing matter involving dialogue tags and what logically makes sense to a reader. They would try to squeak and "weeyo" isn't exactly easy to understand when squeaked. So, "they" should be "They."

These are two related sentence, but the comma isn't enough to connect them. A semicolon would work here.

The first bold isn't a sentence. It is a bunch of gerunds. A way to fix that is to change the period after "forest" to a colon, as "insects chirping, bird flapping their wings, leaves rustling" is that the sounds were. The second bold is another place where you can do this, because the comma itself is wrong as is it surround by two complete sentences, so the comma wouldn't be enough grammatically to separate them.

You just didn't capitalize the first word.

The first bold: "however" is used just like it was in the previous example, it needs a comma before and after it (not a semicolon, since "because" is the connection word).
The second bold: "one of the ship’s ionium jets which would allow it to take off and fly throughout space" is not a sentence. I suggest using a colon since "one of the ship’s ionium jets which would allow it to take off and fly throughout space" is "the first of his missing ship pieces," so a colon would connect them together.

Sometimes, you've had a comma after "Suddenly." I just wanted to point that out to you.

There is only one Skitty. This really confused me as I thought the peril Olimar was even bigger than it really was.

That's not a word. The proper noun form of "disthearten" is "disheartenment."

When you separate the word, it seems like "hog" is an adjective to how your tying. Hogtie is a term on its own, so you should say "hogtying."

Again, the comma should be a semicolon, since a comma alone can't separate sentences.

Needs a comma before the "and."

"reign to" and "from the" ; you have a couple of these spacing errors.

Length:
It was a nice read. The length in terms of grading is fine, though on the shorter side (5-10K+20-30K=25-40K).

Climactic Battle:
You did a great job describing the reactions and actions of a Pikmin on Pokemon on Pokemon battle. Olimar was resourceful and tactical, but he couldn't do it all on his own. I enjoyed Skitty's return to the battle and just describing the moves without refering them to by name, albeit Rapid Spin.

Personal Feelings:
Two Words: Gir Ate

It was very nicely paced, and you've let it open for sequels. The interaction between Olimar and his strange new world will inspire new things to come I'm sure. I honestly would recommend this story to those who are thinking of crossover stories!

Conclusion:
Intro: :thumbup:
Plot/Reality: Are there cats on Hocotate?
Details: Great, though watch your colors and genders. Also, don't rush the ending.
Grammar: A couple of mistakes, but not enough to bring the grade down.
Length: Shorter side of range, but the length of the read was good.
Battle: Well done and well described.

Verdict:

Spoiler

Skitty:

Spoiler

Staryu:

Spoiler

Enjoy your prizes:


Can't wait to read what happens in Pikmon 2!