No Time like the Present (NWC), comments appreciated

Note: I am aware that I capture the Shellos part way through the story and that we’re not supposed to declare captures as successful, but bear with me. Events will unfold such that Shellos is lost to me and then later there is the potential for him to be returned, which is where the Grader’s decision comes in.

Characters: 32,757 (incl spaces, at this length I could get a Gastrodon, never mind a Shellos)


A strange scream rent the air, deeply unsettling the young trainer camped out nearby. Boaz, the young trainer in question, shot up in his sleeping bag, moving from almost asleep to fully awake in the blink of an eye, turning to look in the direction that the noise had emitted from. Over the rise, beyond the tops of the trees, a strange blue glow blurred with the harsh yellow light cast by a series of floodlights, the air above the site eerily hazy. He ran his hand through his charcoal hair and then reached across to wake the much smaller form sleeping next to him, but hesitated, his hand hovering above his partner. In the soft glow of their camp-fire, Sam looked so sweet and peaceful that Boaz wasn’t sure whether or not to wake him. In the poor light, if you squinted a little, he almost looked like a young child, wearing a white night-dress and a green helmet that was a few sizes too big for him, but Boaz knew that if someone was in trouble then his Ralts’ power could be sorely needed. The decision was made for him as the strange call sounded again, followed by a small explosion and muffled screams.

“Sam, get up.” He shook the Ralts gently and once he was sure his Pokémon was awake, proceeded to rise himself. “Something’s going on over there, sounds like they need help and fast,” Boaz explained as he quickly struck camp. Whilst Sam yawned and stretched, the young man packed away his sleeping bag, threw on his jacket and satchel bag, and threw the remains of a cold cup of coffee over the fire.

“Ral ral?” the Pokémon asked, picking up Boaz’s Pokégear (a combination mobile phone, GPS, radio and personal organiser) and indicating the displayed time; 03:27.

“I know it’s late,” Boaz responded, making final checks that he had everything important and that the fire was properly out. “I can’t choose when and where people need help, now come on.” He picked Sam up and begun running along the trail, stray branches snagging at his already ragged clothes. Though only seventeen years old, just on the verge of adulthood, Boaz had taken on the onerous lifestyle of all around good-guy and self-styled crusader against the evils of criminal organisation Team Rocket, Boaz had finally been taking a break before this happened. Flushed with success after the sabotage of a Team Rocket scientific outpost, he’d decided to take a brief holiday in the Sinnoh region to recharge his batteries and hopefully add to his small team. Unfortunately his family, Team Rocket supporters and members for three generations, had finally gotten around to freezing his known bank accounts, leaving him desperately short on cash. Most of his short break had actually been spent hiking from town to town, looking for odd jobs to support him, so he hadn’t actually had any time to catch any new Pokémon. As he approached the location of the odd lights and sounds, Boaz just prayed that Sam and Kara (his recently captured Corphish) would be able to tip the balance.

----​

The sight that greeted Boaz as he crested the tip of the rise was definitely not what he’d been expecting. Before him lay a half-excavated, flood-lit archaeological site, filled with fleeing people and Pokémon, but it was what they were fleeing from that caught his attention. A dark blue, four-legged creature stood towering over the dig site, what appeared to be several metal plates protruding from its body and a bright diamond adorning the plate on its chest, backlit by a tear in the sky. He hardly needed to activate his Pokédex, a small device that contained an encyclopaedic database of all Pokémon, because he’d seen statues and heard tales of this thing since he’d arrived in the Sinnoh region: Dialga, legendary ruler of time, a Pokémon of almost unimaginable power. Whatever they were doing at the site must have disturbed it; with any luck it would calm down after wrecking the site and the workers would all escape unharmed.

His train of thought was interrupted as Sam pointed to a part of the site just in front of Dialga, “Ralts.” Boaz followed his indication, and could make out two forms, tiny in comparison to the behemoth before them, a man in khaki trousers and a shirt (presumably one of the archaeologists), and something that looked like a giant purple/blue armoured shrimp, casting several rocks in quick succession towards the legend. As they watched, the metal plates on Dialga appeared to glow briefly before a ball of steel coloured energy formed at the diamond on his chest and fired at the shrimp-like Pokémon, knocking it to the ground.

“They’ll be killed trying to fight it, Sam you’ve got to get us in there.”

Sam nodded in response to his trainer’s command and focussed on a small tool shed not far from the conflict. Quicker than a heartbeat both trainer and Pokémon were there, the flash from his short distance Teleport making no impact against the far brighter glow of the legendary Pokémon. But as fast as they’d been, Dialga was faster, launching another furious attack at the scientist, this time a blue ball of energy that Boaz recognised as Aura Sphere.

“Armaldo, block it with X-Scissor,” the scientist yelled, a faint quiver in his voice betraying the panic he felt. His Pokémon rose from the ground and slashed at the Aura Sphere, blunting the impact but not fully countering the attack as Armaldo staggered back, dropping to one knee as it recognised its own inevitable defeat.

Dialga roared once again, sensing that victory was at hand and, almost derisively, firing off a final Aura Sphere. But to the surprise of the scientist and both Pokémon, the attack never connected. As it shot through the air, a pair of smaller, light blue bolts of energy screamed into it, exploding and nullifying the attack completely. The howl of anger at his failure was almost palpable as Dialga turned to acknowledge this new threat.

“Professor, return your Pokémon,” Boaz yelled, running across to the struggling scientist. “We’ll get you out of here, but I don’t think Sam can Teleport four of us at once.”

“We can’t leave, that thing will destroy this important discovery,” the scientist lamented, withdrawing the capsule that his Armaldo normally resided in nonetheless.

“Better the discovery than us,” Boaz countered, reaching the scientist as he recalled his Pokémon. “All right, Sam…” but he trailed off as Dialga begun to power up its next attack. The metal fins that protruded from its back begun to grow and shine brightly, a shine shared by its diamond and the ball of indigo energy now forming in its gaping mouth. “Sam Teleport, now!” The ball of energy became a beam of immense power, tearing through the location that Boaz, the scientist and Sam had been just a microsecond earlier, blasting apart nothing but the faint after-image of them that lingered only for a fraction of a moment.

Dialga howled its victory, knowing that if the attack left the three unaffected, they would at least know to avoid future conflicts with it, and set about what it had come here to do. It had been searching for centuries to locate The Horn of Time, an artefact with the power to summon and temporarily bind Dialga to the summoner’s will. Now that it had been uncovered here, he could finally be rid of it.

----​

They reappeared on a grassy hill in a blaze of light, the usual blue of Sam’s psychic powers mixed with an unusual indigo, but this effect went unnoticed by the travellers. The Teleport combined with battling Dialga and the power draining effects of its Ability, had completely wiped Sam out, causing him to drop to the ground and immediately fall asleep. Boaz and the archaeologist however were too preoccupied with what they could see and feel to notice. Both of them knew that the Teleport had not been instantaneous, due to the fact that they felt like time had passed, but more importantly by the fact that it was midmorning wherever they were. Likewise the view was also deeply disturbing, not so much the impossibly lush forests that surrounded the hill, or the fact that there was no sign of the dig site, what really got them was what could be seen in the distance.

“Is that a castle?” Boaz asked, the inflection of his voice indicating that he wasn’t sure which the worse possibility was; that he was correct or that he was hallucinating.

“Yes, more precisely it is Turline Castle if I’m correct, the exact site that I was excavating just moments ago,” the archaeologist said, withdrawing a notebook from his pocket to compare the drawing he’d been given. The castle rose majestically from the forest, about a mile and a half south of where they stood. It looked like a typical fairy-tale fortress; crenulated parapets, large towers, constructed of royal blue stone, picturesque medieval town spreading out around it.

“That’s not possible, there was nothing resembling that anywhere near the site.”

“Turline was wiped out about 700 years ago, invading army that had somehow achieved control of Dialga, not a stone left standing. I’m Dr Zane Carter by the way.” Seemingly unfazed by the phenomenon that had just occurred he held out his hand to Boaz, who shook it absent-mindedly.

“Then how is it stood there, right in front of us?” Boaz was still shocked by what seemed to have happened, not to mention slightly irritated at the way that Zane seemed to be taking it all in his stride.

“I would imagine that it’s Dialga’s doing, he is capable of temporal manipulation. When we left he seemed to be powering up something big, maybe his temporal energies messed up your Ralts’ Teleport, moving us through time as well as space,” Zane stated matter-of-factly, furiously scribbling in his notebook. “Of course whether or not it intended to do this is a matter of pure speculation, as for undoing this, well that’ll take a little more time to wor…”

His speech was interrupted as an arrow thumped heavily into the soil next to them, causing both Zane and Boaz to jump back in surprise. Looking along the trajectory that the arrow had taken, their eyes were met by a group of green-cloaked men riding Rapidash (Fire-type Pokémon that look like unicorns with manes and tails made of flame), one of whom was still aiming a longbow in their direction, his hand reaching for another arrow. “Speak knaves, what business have you in Lord Renlith’s lands,” his eyes pointedly darted to the sleeping form of Sam, who’s resemblance to a white-robed child played keenly on Boaz’s mind.

“Erm, it’s not what it looks like.” Boaz raised his hands placatingly, before wondering exactly what it did look like, and how realising suspicious that statement sounded. Two people wearing vastly unfamiliar clothing standing in the middle of someone’s lands, with a sleeping child at their feet could hardly be considered a normal sight, even by today’s standards (or rather, the standards of his native time period). “We’re…travellers, and this is just my Pokémon Sam.” He could tell by their steely gazes that they weren’t convinced. He babbled onwards, safe in the knowledge that whilst Pokémon training wasn’t common in these times, it was still practiced. “He’s a Ralts, they don’t come from around here, they’re native to the Hoenn region.” A tap on the shoulder made him stop and turn to look at Zane.

“They won’t understand,” he hissed to Boaz, “the term Pokémon isn’t in use yet, nor is Hoenn unified and thus identified as a single region, if they know where it is at all.”

“Oh,” Boaz replied, slightly embarrassed at his lack of knowledge in this area. His grandparents had always tried to drill the importance of history into him, but beyond the basics he’d never really taken much in; seems like they had the last laugh now.

“Cease your prattling and step away from the child, before Angron spits you like a pig.” Seeing their reluctance, the leader of the horsemen tried a different tack, concerned more with the child’s safety than punishing these bizarre criminals. “Yield to us and you shall be fairly tried by our Lord, you may yet escape the hangman’s noose.”

‘Just perfect,’ thought Boaz to himself, ‘I spend most of my time crusading for justice, and within minutes of arriving in the past I am treated like a common criminal.’ He knew enough history not to need some whispered warnings from Zane on the state of the justice system, and things would go no better for them if they tried to explain what had happened. That left them only one option, he slowly reached down towards his belt, fingers groping for the blue and white Dive Ball that was attached to his belt. “Kara hit ‘em with Bubblebeam.” He pulled the ball from his belt and tapped the central button, expanding it from travel-size to usable-size and released his Corphish.

Appearing in a blaze of white light, the lobster-like Pokémon pointed her open claws towards the horsemen and let loose a stream of large bubbles. The bubbles impacted the ground around them, sending up great clouds of dust and badly spooking their Rapidash, who were not used to battling of this nature.

“Loose bows, stop the sorcerer,” the captain yelled out, shielding his eyes from the shower of dirt. By the time the dust cleared, Zane, both Pokémon and Boaz, the sorcerer capable of magically summoning unusual creatures, were all gone. “They must have fled into the forest, Lhin return to the castle and tell the rest of the guard about the sorcerer, Gome head to the Falls and find the Dragon Tamer, we’ll need his power to combat this evil. The rest of you split up and search the forest, they can’t have gotten far; if you find them then follow, but do not engage alone unless they pose a threat to anyone. We can’t allow them to escape.”

----​

Several hours later Zane and Boaz sat in a corner in a small tavern situated on the outskirts of Turline Town. Boaz had managed to wake the exhausted Sam long enough to Teleport inside the settlement (the two washer-women who’d seen them didn’t help with his growing reputation as a sorcerer), and had ‘acquired’ a set of brown travelling cloaks for Zane and himself which would keep their futuristic clothing hidden, along with a small amount of the local currency; it seemed that some of the skills he’d learnt in Team Rocket basic training were proving useful after all. He’d convinced Sam to go back in his Pokéball, much as he disliked it, feeling that the addition of either a ‘child’ or exotic Pokémon to their party would have raised too many eyebrows. It felt unusual without his travelling companion actually beside him, he’d gotten so used to his constant presence, but he tried to act as normally as possible.

“Here you go Doc, best local brew,” he said sitting down as he slid the tankard across to Zane. He didn’t know whether the doctor drank or not, he’d certainly never done so before, but given the processes required to brew alcohol it was probably safer than the water. Boaz had been a little surprised that he could purchase the liquor without question, but it seemed that they weren’t so concerned about underage drinking (although he realised that he was probably actually old enough to be considered an adult in these times).

“I do wish that you hadn’t taken that money as well as the clothes. Though the thought of being able to study this time period as it happens is thrilling I do worry about our impact on the timeline.”

“Isn’t this town going to get completely obliterated soon?”

“If it’s the Lord Renlith that I think it is then there’s only three or four months left, but what…”

“And apart from mentions in other historical records,” Boaz interrupted, “your dig was the first one to actually find anything from around here. So the way I see it anything small that we do here wouldn’t affect anything in the future until after your dig anyway.” He smiled reassuringly at the worried scientist, taking a sip of his beer. It was funny how their roles had so quickly reversed; the short battle had rekindled Boaz’s command of the situation, but interacting on any scale with the people or events had made Zane worrisome. “Besides I don’t plan on staying here long, you had any thoughts on how we can get Dialga to send us back where we belong yet?”

“No, nothing comes to mind except the Horn of Time, but no one knows where it was before it appeared at the battle of Turline, where it was lost once again…oh wait, there was an idea I had before those men attacked us, what was it?” A look of intense concentration crossed Zane’s face as he begun mumbling to himself, before suddenly yelling “Celebi!” as he banged his fist on the table.

“Keep it down will ya,” Boaz cringed as many faces turned to look in their direction, “we’re trying to remain inconspicuous.” He made what he hoped was the correct gesture to indicate that his friend had drunk a little too much, and it seemed to work as everyone turned back to their own business. “Now what about Celebi?”

“It’s the answer to our problems, it can help us out. Celebi is the guardian of the forests, but is also capable of travelling through time, as well as preserving and empowering nature. It’s quite an interesting ability that generates much debate, for example are their multiple Celebi, or just the sa…” He could tell from the look on Boaz’s face that his off-topic rambling was not welcome. “Anyway, if we can summon Celebi I’m sure that it will be amenable to our request, the few recorded human encounters have always shown it to be benevolent like that.”

“Great,” said Boaz, hoping to interrupt another segue before it occurred, “any ideas how we do that?”

“Research shows that they seem to favour heavily wooded areas, preferably ones that have a purpose built shrine. Fortunately there should be one just inside the woods beyond the northern exit to the town. As for ensuring it arrives, we’ll need a Time Flute and I know an old song that is credited with being able to draw Celebi close.”

“What’s a Time Flute?”

“It’s a specially crafted ceramic instrument, it was one of the earliest finds we made at the site, so I’ve already done extensive analysis on one; possibly even the flute that we will make to summon Celebi. My notes have the details necessary to build one, but we need the raw materials. The GCMS, that’s Gas Chromatography Mass Spectrometer, it’s a chemical analysis machine, indicates that we need a clay with a high aluminium content, commonly known as kaolinite. In order to find some I suggest that we, by which I mean you, capture a Water/Ground type Pokémon, it should be able to sift through local muds and find what we need.”

Boaz sighed, given the surroundings he was beginning to feel like a character from one of those old RPGs. ‘In order to save the princess we need such and such a magic item, you have to go and get this thingy so that we can find it. Judging by how today’s gone so far she’ll probably be in another castle,’ he thought wryly to himself. “Ok, so what will you be doing while I’m gone?”

“Mostly observing and taking notes, but also finding us an artisan who is capable of crafting the flute.” He offered his tankard towards Boaz, “To success?”

 

‘Looks like our luck’s taking a good turn,’ Boaz thought as he looked out from the bush he was hiding in. Along the edges of the swamp that lay in front of him, he could clearly spy what he’d been searching for, only a matter of minutes after having left Turline Town. A small swamp area broke up the seemingly never-ending forest, it was fed by a stream coming from within the densely packed trees, and drained away via another stream which also ran alongside the town. At the edge slithered a blue and green slug-like Pokémon, not much different in height to Sam, which his Pokédex identified as a Shellos. It was by no means perfect, being only a Water type, but its evolution, Gastrodon, was part Ground as well, meaning that Shellos had some Ground-like traits. With any luck it would be able to help them, and if not then he’d have to train it to evolution, because the Pokédex indicated that this was the only thing close to what they needed anyway near this area (assuming the list from 700 years in the future was anything close to accurate).

He turned towards Sam, who he’d released from his Pokéball as soon as they were safely in the woods. Sam nodded to indicate his readiness, and Boaz prepared to order him into battle.

“Jolteon, hit it with Lightning,” a voice issued from elsewhere in the clearing, drawing Boaz’s attention to fact that there was another figure occupying this space. It was a man, probably 5-10 years older than Boaz, wearing a suit of armour, minus the helmet. A long sword was sheathed by his side and a shield hung from his back, a stylised Arcanine coat of arms adorning it. By his side stood two Pokémon, the aforementioned Jolteon, a yellow, spiky, fox-like Pokémon, and a Sneasel, a black weasel-like Pokémon with one large red ear and a vicious-looking pair of claws. Jolteon stepped forwards and intense bolts of electricity fired from its body, aiming straight towards the Shellos.

“Sam, deflect it with Confusion.” The knight turned in surprise as Boaz leapt out of the bushes. Before the knight could ask what was happening, the bolts of electricity shot out by his Jolteon suddenly glowed intensely blue and then curved upwards and arced harmlessly into the sky. Sam stepped carefully out of the bush, moving between his trainer and the knight’s Pokémon.

“How dare you interfere with me peasant, if you do not have a good reason then I may just run you through right here.”

“Sorry about this buddy, but I need that Shellos far more than you need to train your guys.”

“Train?!?” The knight seemed visually taken aback at the suggestion that he was merely attacking the Pokémon for fun, “My goal is capture, we shall dispatch this creature and then drag it back to the castle for taming.”

“Well in that case there’s only one thing for it.” Boaz smiled sweetly as he reached into his cloak and withdrew a small blue and white sphere. “Sam hit Jolteon with Psychic, Kara hit Shellos with Night Slash.” He released Kara from her Dive Ball and stepped back to watch them carry out their orders.

Taken by surprise Jolteon took the full impact of the bolt of psychic energy that slammed into it, knocking it back against the knight’s legs. Meanwhile Kara had appeared and begun running towards Shellos, a dark glow emanating from the tips of her claws.

“You’re the sorcerer! I shall relish your defeat, but first I shall deal with your familiars,” the knight taunted, obviously believing that Boaz’s unfamiliar Pokémon were part of the source of his power. “Sneasel catch up to the red one with Alacrity and stop it with Slash.”

His Pokémon zoomed off in pursuit of Kara, moving faster than it would have seemed possible and briefly leaving a shining white trail. It quickly overtook her, and then agilely span mid-stride and blocked Kara’s attack with its claws. The two Pokémon stood there, locked in a stalemate with their claws together as the knight issued another command to Jolteon, “Wide-spread Lightning.”

Violent streams of electricity arced from Jolteon in multiple directions, striking all four other combatants. Both Shellos and Kara were hit hard by it, their weakness to Electric attacks amplifying the powers, but the other two seemed unaffected. The knight’s Sneasel had trained hard with Jolteon and was used to such shocks, so even though it hurt Sneasel was easily able to ignore the pain and use the opportunity to break the stalemate with Kara, striking her with a powerful Slash. Sam on the other hand had Traced Jolteon’s Volt Absorb Ability before leaving the bushes earlier and so was actually made stronger by the attack.

“Sam help Kara out,” Boaz yelled, trusting the Ralts to know what was the best approach.

Happy to have free reign, Sam pointed his arms towards Jolteon, who was immediately surrounded by a blue glow. The Pokémon shouted in alarm as Sam used Confusion to throw it into Sneasel, causing both it and Jolteon to plough into Shellos.

“Great, now Kara give them all a Crabhammer.”

The lobster was already way ahead of him. As soon as she was free of Sneasel, she begun to charge the pile of Pokémon, both her claws glowing blue as she prepared to deliver a stinging double strike.

But her attack never connected as Shellos disentangled itself from the knight’s Pokémon and dived into the swamp, only to emerge seconds later riding the top of a huge wave of brown, brackish water. The nature-assisted Muddy Water attack swamped the small battlefield, deluging both people and Pokémon. As the water sluiced away, the five-way battle had dropped to a mere one-on-one, with Sam and Shellos the only two participants still conscious; even the knight had been smashed against a tree and was out for the count.

Boaz wiped some stray mud from his face, thankful that he’d had the sense to use a water-proof bag; none of his stuff would have been ruined by this powerful slug’s attack. “Magical Leaf,” he instructed Sam as he returned Kara to her Dive Ball.

The Shellos had expected to be left unchallenged after its attack, and so was caught off-guard by the stream of energy-charged leaves that struck it, sending it flying into the air. It was even more surprised when a strange red and white sphere bounced off of its exposed underbelly and converted it into energy, drawing Shellos deep into its inescapable void. The Pokéball landed on the ground and begun to wobble, once, twice, three times, but the weakened Shellos was no match for a technology that it could never have encountered or even dreamed of; the ball ceased moving, the Pokémon belonged to Boaz now.

“Let’s get out of here before ‘Sir Lancelot’ wakes up and tries to burn me at the stake, we’ll get Shellos out in a little bit and have a look for this special clay. I don’t want to have to stay in this time any longer than I have to.”

----​

Despite Boaz’s desires, it ended up being two days before they had finished the Time Flute, largely due to Zane getting constantly distracted by some fascinating event to watch. Whilst Zane was an expert on this time, and thus blended in almost seamlessly (he passed himself off as a foreigner to explain any odd behaviour), Boaz had opted to remain in the room that they’d hired at a local inn. His general description was already widely circulated as that of the sorcerer, and the less attention that he interacted with the people of this time, the lower his chances of discovery were. When they finally left town there had been a tense moment at the gates when a guard appeared to recognise him, but after a brief consultation with his partner had let them go through.

From there they had made their way to the Celebi Shrine, and now were stood there, with the Time Flute in hand, ready to return to their own time. The shrine was a small wooden building, barely larger than an average sized hotel bedroom, and sparsely decorated save for a few small plant boxes and carvings of various Pokémon. It was a nice quaint little shelter, and it was a shame to think that in less than a year’s time it would be gone, forever.

Zane stood there, entranced by the shrine for a moment, before Boaz’s elbow jabbed into his ribs and reminded him of why they were there. He took the lovingly crafted flute from out of the case he’d had made for it, and begun to play. The song was a beautiful refrain that put the listener in mind of the majesty of the forests, and when it was done they felt like it had ended far too soon. Before they had time to miss the song much longer, a bright green glow enclosed the shrine for a few seconds before Celebi finally appeared. It was a small green fairy-like Pokémon, complete with little wings, along with antennae and large expressive eyes.

No sooner had it appeared than Sam stepped forward and entered into a deep conversation with it (consisting of “Ral, ral” on one side and “Bi, bi” on the other), explaining on behalf of the humans that they needed to be returned to their proper time. Thankfully the Time Travel Pokémon lived up to its benevolent reputation and signalled agreement with a simple tip of the head.

“That’s great news, I knew Celebi could be counted on. I’m sure it’ll be great to be back in your own time,” Zane declared as he patted Boaz hesitantly on the shoulder. The quizzical look he got in return compelled him to continue, “I won’t be going back with you. No, no,” he stalled Boaz’s protests before they’d even begun, “I have spent every moment of my life wishing to live in a time like this, and now I have the chance”

Boaz smiled understandingly at him, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“More than anything.”

“Then I wish you good look,” he reached to shake the archaeologist’s hand. “It’s been weird, but it’s been an honour to work with you Doctor Carter.”

Zane released Boaz’s hand, only to find that the young trainer had left a shrunken Pokéball behind. “Oh Boaz, but this…”

The trainer held up his hand, taking his turn to stall the other’s protests, “Keep it. You never know when you might want to come back.” The two shared a last smile, sad to see their short friendship come to an end, but their final goodbyes never left their lips.

A sudden jet of flame roared through the shrine, setting the frail building alight and causing everyone to jump with fright. A challenge rang out through the air, “We have the building surrounded sorcerer, and have no qualms about torching you where you stand!” All around the building the calls of Fire Pokémon sounded, joined by the harsher roars of a Dragon flying above.

“Damn,” Boaz cursed, “the guard’s must have been on orders to alert him once they saw me. He’s probably had someone following us since we left.”

“Looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me,” Zane said as he turned to leave the flaming building. “Look for me in the history books!” he yelled, charging outside to meet their attackers with his Armaldo’s Pokéball in his hand.

“Zane!” Boaz yelled, reaching out towards the man, but before he could do anything else Celebi had grabbed on to him and Sam. Emitting the green light once again, Celebi pulled the pair of the out of the fire, and back to where they belonged.

----​

Nobody noticed the strange green light as Celebi deposited Boaz and Sam back in their proper time frame, due mostly to the fact that it had decided to bring them back inside what appeared to be a supply cupboard. The inside of the cupboard was almost pitch black, the only light coming from the cracks around the door. As Boaz blinked furiously to try and adjust his eyes to the gloom, Celebi bowed for them and disappeared once more (completely ruining Boaz’s night vision). Boaz was angry with Celebi for taking them away at the time he did, it was an almost certain death situation that they’d left Zane in. But there was nothing he could do about it, separated by the almost insurmountable gulf of time, and somehow that only made him feel worse.

“Ral,” Sam laid a reassuring hand on his side (he couldn’t reach any higher), well aware of how his trainer was feeling even without resorting to his empathetic powers.

“Thanks Sam, I’ll be Ok,” he answered back, ruffling his hand across his Pokémon’s head. “Let’s get out of here, we’ve got a holiday to catch up on…once we’ve found out where and when we are,” he added half-jokingly.

The two of them shared a laugh as they exited the cupboard, followed by synchronous expressions of surprise as they found out where they were. Celebi had dumped them, several weeks later than they’d left, inside a museum. And of all possibilities, the museum’s featured display was on the recent archaeological dig regarding Turline Castle, dedicated to the memory of Dr Zane Carter, who had apparently perished during Dialga’s attack on the dig-site. And to top everything off, the central feature of the exhibit was something amazing that had been found in the burnt ruins of a small forest shrine.

“…and even though this predates what was previously thought of as the world’s first Pokéball, it is not only almost identical to modern units, wear and tear notwithstanding, but appears to be an isolated item, in that later models were not based on it, but developed independently. Anecdotal evidence of the time suggests that a mysterious knight known Sir Zane was in possession of more of these Pokéballs, but their whereabouts is unknown.

“Due to its similarities to modern units, we have been able to interface with the onboard systems to determine that the ball contains a Shellos, although we have refrained from opening it to check the veracity of this scan.”

Boaz and Sam both turned to look at each other, mouths agape. “Well,” said Boaz, a smirk creeping onto his face, “I did capture it.” He turned to walk over to the tour guide, intent on having a word with the museum’s owner.

 

YES. Just, YES. Awesome story. I'll leave grader-ish critiques to whoever grades this, but at surface level I loved it.

 

claimed for grading

 

Sorry about the long wait

Intro:

I didn't know rent was the past form of rend. Now I know for the better.

The scream got me interested, but it took too long to get to the source of the scream. I know you have to introduce your characters, which you do in great detail, but I started to forget what got me interested in your story in a bad way. The scream is only mentioned once and when we find scientist, he seems to be holding it together. The time lapse seems odd. Since you have so much detail, it makes it seem that time passed and that your character wasn't too eager to figure out where the scream.


Plot/Reality:
The plot was pretty original, yet lacked some key details. The transition between the two posts gave me some trouble.

There is just so much you can let the reader figure out. I understood that time passed and Boaz went off to search, but it was confusing that Sam was outside its Pokeball. You recalled him before the transition, but make no mention of him being out until he uses a move. Since you've established that'd be better for Sam to be the pokeball, having Sam outside the ball again is confusing.

Also why was Dialga attacking him? What was the purpose of a Time Pokemon attacking an archeological dig site? It didn't seem like there was a special connection to the castle. The plot point didn't seem to resolve and I'm left wondering: why?

Also the Knight gave me some worry. It took Boaz and Zane two days to complete the flute, yet it seems like they weren't disturbed by anyone/anything despite their "out of place"ness. You didn't explain where they were setting up shop or if they were adjusting to the past. I understand that you wanted to get to the end of the story, but with certain knowledge, it feels like the story was missing certain elements. Like why did the Knight wait 2 days to pursue them?

Lastly, weren't people curious of what happeend to Zane? He was an archeologist, probably one that didn't work alone. The exhibit went on after Zane left, so it seems like he had colleagues to finish his work.

Length:
Pretty long, but length isn't everything. Though to meet the requirements for a simple Pokemon like Shellos, it alone isn't a deal breaker.

More length is fine as long as it helps with the plot.

Grammar:
This section got hit hard:

Your biggest problem was dialogue. When using verbs that act upon the dialogue, like "said," "spoke," and "yelled," you should use a comma. For example:

Kevin said, "My name is Kevin."

This is because the dialogue is a part of the sentence. When the verb is something separate from the dialogue, then you must close off the dialogue. For example from your story:

Since "he picked" is seperate than the actually dialouge, you need to close it off like this:

^This happens a lot.

Semicolons are used to separate related sentences. "Dialga, legendary ruler of time, a Pokémon of almost unimaginable power" is a phrase, not a sentence.
Colons are used to relate description like in your case. "Dialga, legendary ruler of time, a Pokémon of almost unimaginable power" is the "thing" so instead of using the semicolon, use a colon.

Also this is a run on sentence. Use a semicolon instead of a comma.

Another case is:

This isn't a sentence.

You had some spelling errors as well: realized, focused, organizer, recognized, travelers, etc. Double "l"s and double "s"s seem to be the problem. Just remember to spell check after writing before looking over line by line.

This is also a nitpick:

If your sentence includes a statement about a question rather than a direct question, the subject should come before the verb. Also remember the colon rule. So it should be "which the worse possibility was: that he was correct or that he was hallucinating."

One last thing: Paragraphing. Whenever another character speaks or acts (not necessarily when a character observes others' actions) you need to start a new paragraph.

Detail:
You had a lot of detail, but sometimes it was just too much:

The quotation isn't needed. Its superfluous, doesn't further
the plot not does it describe the setting or other object.

Also you mentioned that the young trainer got ale. Since we're not given an exact age, it hard to know if this event is realistic or not. "Young" can mean anywhere between 9-17 or even older.

Battle:
The battle was detailed enough for a medium capture. You described how the attacks were being used and implemented well. Though another peeve was that the knight was using modern terms as well in his commands like quick attack and discharge. I would think it clever to think of some olden names for attacks. Especially since back then, there wasn't really electricity so Jolteon's attacks wouldn't be known.

Personal Feelings:
Honestly, I like this story and the plot, yet I feel like certain things were missing, as I mentioned in the plot section. The grammar really bothered me though, which is why I have a lot in that section.

And, since you went past the initial capture, I feel like you should wrap up the plot at the end too.


Verdict:

Spoiler

Wiggle:
Wiggle:
Wiggle: The museum's owner wiggled his finger no.

I can't sign off on this until you fix up either the grammar or some of the plot. Then the owner will gladly hand over the Shellos to you. Please PM me when you fix it up.

​

 

Ok, will edit and repost. Although just as a quick note on the grammer section: 1) I can't find a single instance of travelers (with 1 L) or focused (with 1 S) and 2) realised, organiser, recognised, etc is the correct English spelling, rather than the American-English spelling (with a Z).

I do accept the rest of the criticism, and appreciate the effort you've gone to in grading this.

 

I'm an American speaker so I didn't know all the differences between English and American, and I apologiz/se. It was weird because I was testing my little sister over the weekend in her vocabulary final, so I think I forgot about the language difference as I was finishing up the grade. I will, promptly, get back to you within the DAY. Lol

 

That's ok, given that most posters on the forum use American-English it's forgivable that you forgot.

 

(Scroll up to see initial grade)
Ok, instead of editing my last grade, I'm going to post my reaction to the edits you made:

Plot/Reality/Detail:
Good job on addressing the issues in the plot. After reading it through again, it didn't feel like you just stuck the fixes in, but that it was actually a part of the story.

I quite enjoyed the new names for the attacks: Lightning and Alacrity. It help date the time you were in.

Grammar:
Now, English-minded, this section looks improved, especially the whole dialogue issue. Most people have trouble with it, heck I did in the grader test, which is why I always mention it. Need to spread the knowledge around.

New Verdict:

Spoiler

Wiggle:
Wiggle:
Wiggle: Your story finally convinces the owner to hand over the Shellos, though he/she are quite unhappy they need a new attraction to replace it.

Here is your prize:



Good job on the edits, and to the initial story overall. Have fun with your new Shellos.​

 

thanks very much for the grade Soro, glad you enjoyed it