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Mylena's Adventure,Episode 1-Psycho Trouble

Discussion in 'Stories' started by MinecraftFan11, Jul 31, 2017.

  1. MinecraftFan11

    MinecraftFan11 New Member

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    Mylena and Lyra,her Snivy companion,explored the route they choosed,ready for an great adventure. Mylena was excitingly exploring the route with Lyra,but since their bound was in their very beggining,the two had many trouble together,including stumbling and some small confusions. Nevertheless,sometimes,one needed the others,making Mylena and Lyra bond because of those "tasks".

    Suddenly,when viewing the area...Mylena stopped an saw two small red points on some bushes,next in a way they could make a single heart. The red points entered in the bushes again before she could try on identifying the Pokémon. Lyra was busy trying to get some wild berries and so,she didn't see the appearence of the pokémon.

    "Hey,Lyra! Psst.",Mylena said,trying to get the attention of her future best friend.

    Lyra was catched off her attention for the wild berries and,an little annoyed because she didn't get anything to eat,walked off to her new trainer.


    "Theres an odd Pokémon...on the bushes!",Mylena said as she pointed to the bushes,right where the Pokémon appeared.

    Lyra looked at where Mylena pointed,with an unimpressed tone,like she would say that she didn't believe on her trainer. But suddenly,the red points poked out of the bushes again. Lyra had an surprised and shocked face while Mylena smiled out of joy to discover more about the Pokémon. However,the owner of the points began to approach the two,making the point move as well. Lyra putted herself in-front of Mylena as the Pokémon approached even more,and began to get out of the bushes.

    Once it got out...the two found out what the Pokémon exactly where. It looked like an humanoid of white skin,green hair,and the points were parts of horns that were located in-front and in the back of the head. The hair wans't big,but it was big enough to cover the eyes.

    "...Oh...It's small...and kinda cute!",Mylena said as she discovered what the Pokémon in the bushes was.

    Lyra made an confused "Sni?" as she looked at the Pokémon. The Pokémon made an "Ra!" as it looked at Lyra. She crossed her arms and spoke an angry "Snivy.",like she wished to spoke she didn't "have time for this". The Pokémon made an "Ralts!",trying to get some attention.

    "...Ralts...its the name of this Pokémon,apparently.",Mylena though with a smile,taking the logic of the Pokémon speaking off their species name.

    However,as the teenager trainer though about the Pokémon,Lyra already intimidated Ralts long enough,and the Ralts wans't enjoying it not an single inch. Mylena felt annoyed at her Snivy being so hyped about battling,but,to take the chance to catch Ralts,Mylena decided to go along with her sassy and hyped Pokémon idea.

    ---
    ~HOW THE BATTLE DID GO~​
    In the first move,Mylena commanded Lyra to use Tackle,and the Snivy clashed agains't Ralts using her might,making both stop into a tree. The Ralts used Confusion,pushing Lyra out of their body with psychic energy.

    Mylena said to Lyra in a encouraging way to lift up and use Vine Whip. Lyra lifted up and smirked before summoning an vine made out of grass and swinged it like an whip at Ralts. Ralts used the move Lucky Chant,impossibiliting Lyra from landing very strong impacts.

    "Don't worry Lyra,I'm sure we can get it! Tackle!",Mylena spoke to Lyra.

    Lyra nooded with an "Vy!" noise and tried to clash agains't the Ralts,but sadly missed,crashing her body agains't the Tree. Ralts used Magical Leaf,summoning small leaf blades with some colorful lights who attacked Lyra. But thanks to the aid of her grass body,Lyra managed to resist the wave of leaf blades.

    "Its alright,Lyra. You can do your better now. Vine Whip,now,its your chance!",Mylena said in a reasurring way to her starter.

    Lyra felt encourage with the speech from her trainer and again made an vine with one of her hands and swinged it at Ralts. Ralts was knocked to the ground with an good but not big impact,with not much energy left behind.

    Mylena felt honest pity for the Ralts,and putted her hand on her pocket. She eventually found an empty Pokéball and throwed it on the humanoid Pokémon. Ding,the first move. Ding,the second move. And then,after some long and nervous minutes for Mylena,DING,the third move. The Ralts was captured.

    ---​
    "We did it,Lyra!",Mylena said in a cheerful and happy way as she ran to the catched Ralts.

    Lyra had an calm and patient smile over her face,like she meant "No problem,ma'am". Mylena freed her recently captured Ralts,whose still remembered the fight and was afraid of talking with the brunette trainer girl.

    "Don't worry,we'll be yours friends from now own. Got it?",Mylena spoke to Ralts.

    Ralts timidly nooded,still not trusting on Lyra because of their fight. Mylena though about an good name for her new caught Pokémon,and stuck out with an idea she decided to share with her new teammate.

    "Well...I want to call you...'Isis',for now own. Is it okay?",Mylena asked to Ralts.

    Ralts nooded with a smile,accepting her new nickname. Mylena laughed with joy,picked up the now-named Isis and spinned around with the small Pokémon on her hands...until Lyra got the attention from the two with an jealous "Sni!". Mylena picked up Lyra with the right hand and hugged her two Pokémons together,expecting an great future and friendship between them.

    ---​
    [​IMG]
    Isis the Ralts
    Gender:Female
    Nature:Mild
    Abilities:Synchronize,Trace,Telepathy (Locked)
    Battles:0
    Obtained as:Caught
    Level Up Moves:Calm Mind, Charm, Confusion, Disarming Voice, Double Team, Draining Kiss, Dream Eater, Future Sight, Growl, Heal Pulse, Hypnosis, Imprison, Lucky Chant, Magical Leaf, Psychic, Stored Power, Teleport
    Taugh Moves:None
     
  2. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    Hiya there, MinecraftFan11, and welcome to the URPG!

    It's so great that you've decided to post a story! You've given us the beginning to what will no doubt be an exciting adventure! I wanted to provide a few helpful tidbits for this story and the URPG Story section as a whole, because it can be a bit intimidating at first.

    Firstly, this story's a bit on the short side for your intended capture, Ralts. Here in the URPG, we rank each Pokemon a certain level that reflects how difficult they are to find in the metaseries. We use this ranking to determine how hard the Pokemon is to capture in the URPG, and for Stories we use the quality of a story and its length to match difficulty. We use "characters with spaces" in the URPG to determine length. Your story here is about 5,200 characters, which falls perfectly into the Easiest rank! Ralts, however, falls into the Hard rank, which requires much more content and experience to write for.

    All the Pokemon and their rankings are listed right here! In this case, it may be best to change the intended capture of this story to a "Cash" story, which would allow you to acquire money instead of a Pokemon at similar rankings. Or, you can change the intended target to one of the Easiest-ranked mons with some editing of the Pokemon that appears from the bushes.

    Secondly, I just wanted to let you know that the world is your oyster in the URPG! You certainly don't have to write a Pokemon battle into your story if you don't want to, and your story, in no way, has to include the initial meetings of Pokemon and their trainers. You're free to write about whatever you'd like concerning Pokemon here, and are in no way required to write a battle scene. But you can if you'd like to!

    Lastly, there's no need to underline non-quotation text in your stories - non-emphasis on these parts is fine ^^

    A small final note - this thread is for graders only. Graders are people who review URPG stories for cash compensation, and this log thread is where they post all their grades to be reviewed later. I'm going to delete your post from here for now, and just wanted to make sure you knew why!

    If you have any further questions, please feel free to reach out to me or any other grader! Welcome again!
     
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    MinecraftFan11

    MinecraftFan11 New Member

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    On the middle of the Pokémon World,on a route with a great forest,an brunette girl with dark brown hair,green-and-white striped shirt,jeans,blue-and-purple sneakers and a bag who carried her Pokéballs,travelled trough a forest,alongside her "starter":An small green snake Pokémon with arms and legs,known as "Snivy". The teenager girl,known as "Mylena",was ready to explore the world,befriend Pokémons and even win the Gym Leaders. She showed excitment while looking around,trying to find something she never saw before,or even an Pokémon so she could catch. She then viewed off an patch of lime green grass and her eyes shined off like Christmas Balls.

    -"Come on Lyra,look! Grass!"-Mylena said as she spotted some tall grass and pointed her finger at them while she spoke with a cheerful tone.

    The Snivy approached Mylena,looking at the tall grass with an bored cry of "Snivy Sni Sni Sni...". When Mylena first choosed and meeted her Snivy to begin her adventure and learned about the female gender of the Pokémon,she decided to nickname her as "Lyra",and began to call her by this name the whole time. Lyra sometimes got annoyed by her new trainer calling her by what she would what she would call a fluffy and cute nickname,but still accepted and embraced it as a new name.


    Altrough they could still share some friendliness between themselves,Mylena and Lyra's bond was just growing up and rising up,so,even on their first adventure together,they had some confusion and trouble because of their unawareness of the nature of each other. For example,Mylena found out an log blocking her way and imaginated on her innocence that her starter could just bring it down with some strenght. However,Lyra kept avoiding the log,and just after some minutes,Mylena noticed her sighly more smart starter made an path to avoid the log.

    -"Oh...sorry Lyra,for not believing in you...I hope you can accept my apologize and put behind my silly behaviour..."-Mylena apologized for the Pokémon.

    Lyra just accepted half of the apologize,and didn't forgave her at first sight,looking away with an frown and a bored face and made an annoyed "Sniiiiiiivyyyyyyy..." noise,since she wondered in her mind why her Trainer didn't accept her way at first sight.

    -"Owwww..."-Mylena spoke in a sad tone as she followed her Pokémon,wishing she could forgive her the soonest possible.

    Sometimes,in some situations,the opposite happened,and they bonded over some simple things and tasks. Lyra cutted down some tree brenchs with her tail to make passage enough for her Trainer,and Mylena took off some wild berries that Lyra couldn't reach and cleaned them up with water so her Pokémon could eat them off to clean off the hungrier.

    -"Here it is,Lyra!"-Mylena spoke to Lyra as she gave her many berries.

    Their bounds grew up simply with those basic caring acts,but their bound would grow up even more thanks to the unawaited visit of a future great partner for them...


    The two recently-made partners and newers on the adventure of a Pokémon Trainer stopped on an area full of trees that could reach a inch of the sky,grass that sometimes were dark and tall,flowers of many colors,sizes and shapes and vines surrounding both the soil and the trees,mainly the giant trees. Lyra sitted down to rest,feeling tired of all the walk,who took out alot of minutes.

    -"Hmmmmm...there may be some interesing things around!"-Mylena spoke as she decided to take a look around while her Pokémon rested from the great walk,hoping to find a Pokémon for her to befriend and caught,since she barely saw anything that took her overall interest for now.

    The trees didn't help her too much on viewing the area around her,since mainly the taller ones blocked the upper part and the lower part of the route,and she just spotted furs and antennas from Pokémons on the grass,those being Pokémons she already saw and wans't fully interesed. Mylena was about to give up and keep aheadon the center path to find more interesing things and Pokémons to catch and befriend...but something got her full attention.


    Two points curiously very near to each other suddenly jumping out of the bushes. Both of the points shared a cherry red color as they were visible,and had an curious psychic force surrounding them. Also,if they were connected,they possibly made an heart. Or,at least,that is what Mylena though as she viewed them. However,the points of red color stood there just for some minutes before shinking down back into the bushes,not giving a chance for Mylena to indentify the curious Pokémon with the Pokédex.


    While her trainer looked at the curious cherry red points that came out of the bushes,Lyra got very bored and very hungry,since she didn't eat that much on the walk,and spotted some wild berries of blue,red and yellow color. She ran to catch them to satisfy her hunger,and never saw the appearence of the mysterious Pokémon,or at least the parts of them, that appeared to her Trainer.

    -"Lyra? Psst...theres a Pokémon on the green grass! Look right there! Look!"-Mylena said to Lyra as she pointed to the spot where the points appeared,and was curious to know who was the Pokémon and what where the cherry points and what they meant.

    Lyra stopped herself from trying to bite an yellow and hard wild berry and,annoyed she wouldn't get to eat anything without knowing about the "mysterious" Pokémon her trainer found out on the grass,leaved the berries behind and walked up to her trainer and looked at the bushes. At first,she didn't believe on Mylena about the points:She never saw the cherry points that could hint up parts of a Pokémon.

    -"Pssst? You're there,little Pokémon?"-Mylena asked,snapping her finger in a attempt to catch the attention of the Pokémon.

    ...No answer. Mylena tried again,again and again,very worried about the Pokémon not appearing.

    -"...Come on...I'm sure it was there...Why it doens't appear anymore?..."-Mylena spoke in a sad tone,dissapointed that the cherry red points never appeared,and worried that her Pokémon may be viewing her as crazy or untrusteable.

    If Lyra could ever speak the language of humanity,she would very possibly say "You are the weirdest trainer I could ever ask,you said theres cherry red points on the grass...ugh,ridiculos."...but since Pokémons couldn't speak without the mind,she just had an untrustful frown on her face,describing very well her feelings for her trainers on the moments. However,the bushes began to move and soon Lyra would be proven wrong...


    Suddenly,out of the moving bushes,the two cherry red points of the mysterious Pokémon appeared again. Mylena had an joyful smile,because at least she could proof to her Pokémon that she didn't see illusions and there really was another Pokémon there. Lyra had an shocked face and wide eyes with small pupils:Her trainer actually was speaking off the truth and she never believed on her apparent "story". Now,the two were curious to the extreme to know about who Pokémon owned up the cherry red points and how hard it would be for them to catch the Pokémon.

    The bushes began to move again,as the two cherry red points...or the Pokémon owner of the cherry red points, began to move forward,towards the end board of the grass. If it was really a Pokémon,it looked like it had the same curiosity to know about the two newers as the newers had curiosity to know about it. Suddenly,however,Lyra walked in and stood in-front of her trainer,that,altrough she entered in conflict with because of the berries and the story she believed that was false,showed to have an protective side to in the right moment. Lyra didn't wish this mysterious Pokémon hurting Mylena in any way or shape,if it showed off to be agressive and honestly wild,and got sighly nervous as the two cherry red points approached even more for outside of the grass,for the very front of the two newers. Finally,after some minutes that sounded like hours of pure suspense,wonder,and for Lyra,terror and reluctance,the Pokémon of the cherry red points got out of the bushes,showing off what it really looked like...


    The Pokémon of the apparent cherry red points was small,some inches smaller than Lyra,who was already kind of small. The cherry points were actually the superior points of an pair of double horns:One of the horns was located on the forehead,and the other one of the horns was located on the backside of the head. The inverted-bowl-like hair it had was in a Lime Green color,and the skin of the Pokémon was white as sugar,salt,milk or even snow. It also showed off it walked normally crawling with their knees. Altrough the hair of the small white Pokémon wans't of an great lenght,it's lenght was enough to cover up the hair,making the eyes a mystery.

    -"Oooooooh...that is what this Pokémon looks like. Awwwwww..."-Mylena commented,not resisting on finding the curious and new Pokémon adorable and beautiful.

    Lyra had an confused look placed over her face because of her Trainer's comment and the curious appearence of the Pokémon,and even made an confused "Sni?" as Mylena finished off the comment. Lyra looked at the curious Pokémon and spoke another curious and confused "SNI?",but louder than her previous cry. The curious Pokémon backed out with an timid frown and a possible fearful look on the eyes,speaking an slow and scared cry of "Raaalts...".

    -"...Ralts? Is that the Pokémon name? Wow..."-Mylena theorized,aware that the Pokémons normally cried out their names when they tried to communicate in any mean or way.

    And Lyra and the "Ralts" were genuinely trying to communicate with each other in a good way,but Lyra didn't have the practice thanks to her Hasty nature and few contact she had with humans and Pokémons as well,and the Ralts,the Pokémon the two newers recently knew off the name, was acting very timidly and scared,also not exactly trained to talk with other Pokémons as well. Mylena stood there,amazed looking at two Pokémons trying to chat,but both her and Lyra were not aware that the Ralts felt like they were ready to flee to the farthest place of the route.

    Suddenly,the Ralts screeched out an loud and super scared cry of "RAAAAL!" and dissapeared in a small burst of pink light,briefly leaving behind a silhouette of themselves.

    -"...U-uh? Where did the Ralts go??"-Mylena asked to Lyra,very confused about why the Ralts suddenly dissapeared,only to recieve off an even more confused cry of "Sni..." from her starter Pokémon.

    The two began to look around for every direction,hoping on finding off the timid Pokémon that fleed from them just minutes after meeting them,and after some minutes,Mylena finally spotted and found out the location of the Ralts, looking up and finding it on the brench of a sighly tall tree.

    -"Look! Right there,Lyra! The Ralts is on the brench of the tree!"-Mylena said,pointing the location of the other Pokémon so Lyra could track it off.

    Lyra looked up as well when Mylena spoke off,spotting the timid and shy Ralts. Lyra climbed up the brenchs of the tree,trying to get up before the Pokémon had the chance to teleport,but it was late:Once it noticed that the two found out about it,Ralts screeched another loud and scared "RAAAL!" before dissapearing from the brench of the tree,also leaving behind a brief silhouette of themself. Mylena and Lyra tried again to find it,but this time,it was easier to find it,since it was in another piece of grass.

    Lyra ran to the patch of grass where the Ralts was in,but in another scared cry,it teleported again. Mylena found it again trying to enter a cave and tried to catch up with it,just for it to teleport in another tree. Lyra found out which tree the Ralts has gone off too,but unfortunately it was one of the taller trees,and the Ralts was exactly on the highest brench. Mylena and Lyra climbed up the fastest they could,but once the Ralts spotted them,they leted out another scared cry and teleported again. Lyra spotted the Ralts again on another grass patch and jumped down to aim at the shy Pokémon while Mylena climbed back to the safe ground,but before a clash could happen,the Ralts teleported again,but luckily Lyra managed to land safely thanks to the grass.

    The hunt for the very timid and fast Pokémon kept up for two hours,with Mylena and Lyra finding out the Ralts in the grass,the trees or any other possible place, and the Ralts teleporting out to somewhere else,trying to avoid them at all costs thanks to it's shyness and jumpy behaviour. It felt like the two newers made circles and circles around the jungle of the route,until the Ralts appeared in or teleported to a place they never knew before or never paid attention for the existence at first sight. The Ralts even went to paths the two newers never wen't before. But it only lasted for one hour,and the places repeated for many times,with the speed of Ralts' teleports getting higher as they were found out and Mylena and Lyra getting more tired as the two finded out the location of the Ralts. Mylena herself was feeling like giving up on the small white Pokémon of the cherry red horns and very timid nature because of their insistence on not befriending her.

    -"*pant*...Why...*pant* getting a Pokémon...*pant* is so hard?...*pant* I don't know why it keeps running from us..."-Mylena asked to herself,as she stopped and took a break putting her hands on her knees and talked in a panting and rushed tone.

    Lyra was equally tired,just like her trainer,panting as well and making tired "Sni...","Snivy...",and "Vy..." noises and cries. The Ralts looked down to the sighly tall tree they used to try to hide from the newer double for what it sounded like one billion of attempts,feeling a curious pity for them. Ralts teleported again,making the double feel very hopeless from the chance of catching it because of their tired state...,but instead of teleporting very far to a corner they already knew for two hours to hide from and avoid them,they teleported to very near them...exactly in-front of them. Mylena had an surprised face and a question on her head that would be soon answered in some minutes:Why the Pokémon that was avoiding them,trying to hide from them and screeched out their own name in a scared stance simply by viewing them,was suddenly trying to approach them,even trough it was in a very quiet way?

    The horns were surrounded by a pink aura of magic and power,and Mylena could feel an link,a connection from the Ralts' mind coming to her mind...Lyra as well could feel an connection with the Ralts' psychic magic...

    Ralts was making a telepathic connection to Mylena and Lyra at the same time. Mylena wondered what would happen,since she only heard about telepathic connections of one mind with another one. Lyra also wondered what could happen,since she never got into a full contact with any kind of Psychic Pokémon before.

    -"Greetings...sorry for making you two tired over those two hours...I was trying to run because I was scared of both of you,of you two wishing to act violent all over me...but I realized I was being a jerk as I choosed my timidness and safety over knowing you two better..."-The telepathic voice of the Ralts said.

    -"Oh...hello. Sorry about the bad impression we gave off to you. Well,I am Mylena! And this is Lyra!"-Mylena said,recovering her breath and getting up back to her normal position.

    -"Nice to meet you two,Mylena and Lyra..."-The telepathic voice of the Ralts said,with a sighly more calm and kind tone..

    -"Nice to meet you too,little Ralts!"-Mylena said with an adorable and happy face,recovering her cheerful behaviour,as she began to understand the Ralts' motivations.

    Lyra nooded quietly with an calm and collected smile,also after recovering off her breath and returning to her normal position. It looked like she decided to forgive the Psychic Pokémon for all the trouble it caused for both her and her Trainer.

    -"Well...can I join you two on your adventure?...It would be an great pleasure of my part to join you two...I also want to know more of my world,and even meet new humans and Pokémons as well...since,well,I got very bored of this route I live..."-Ralts' telepathic voice spoke and asked at the same time for Mylena.

    Mylena looked at Lyra,who nooded quietly,approving off the idea for a new member to the group and showing to her trainer she forgave the little white Pokémon for its shyness. Mylena had an very happy smile because of the new possibility of a new teammate for her. Mylena then turned to the Psychic Pokémon to give the answer.

    -"Of course! You are welcome to join our adventure,little Ralts!"-Mylena answered to the Ralts,with an very happy,joyful and hopeful smile over her face.

    -"...T-thank you both...It is going to be an very great honor to make part of the story of you and your other Pokémon..."-The telepathic voice of Ralts said,as the Ralts had an sighly blush and a small smile over the face,thinking on how it would be hanging out with Mylena and Lyra.

    Mylena then reached for the pockets of her bag,which hanged on her right arm, and picked up an small Pokéball whose had no one occupying space...but would have very soon an Pokémon occupying its space. Mylena looked at the Ralts,who looked at the Pokéball at wonder and curiosity,but soon knew what it would exactly mean. Ralts nooded,like an wish to be captured with the empty Pokéball. Mylena fulfilled the wish,throwing the Pokéball on the Ralts and capturing it,as its body was sucked to inside the ball with a red light and the Pokéball fell to the ground. The ball dinged the first time,moving to the left and the right. The ball dinged again on the second time,moving to the left and right again. An final click happened in what would be the third swing,and the Ralts was captured...the first caught of the newer Pokémon Trainer girl. Mylena picked up the Pokéball,feeling off an great faith and joy on her first catched Pokémon,and hope on her two Pokémons bonding.

    -"What we should name...uhm...her,Lyra? I bet you can think on an good name for our new teammate..."-Mylena asked to her starter Pokémon,assuming the gender of the Ralts since her telepathy voice was a young,femenine one.

    Lyra nooded out to the question of her Trainer and picked up an stick near her tail, starting off to draw an name on the soil,showing off her idea to her trainer. Mylena decided to cover her eyes,to not spoil the surprise to herself. Once Lyra finished up,she dropped her stick,called the attention of the Trainer to uncover the eyes,and pointed the name she drew on the soil...Isis.

    -"...Isis?...That is...a very beautiful name idea,Lyra!"-Mylena spoke,happy and surprised with the creativity of her starter Pokémon to choose names.

    -"You heard it,right,little Ralts? You will be for now on called and knowed as Isis! I hope you liked your new name...it was choosed by Lyra."-Mylena spoke to the Pokéball she used to capture the Ralts,hoping she was hearing her in some way or another.

    -"Thanks for helping me,Lyra. You are really a great Pokémon to choose your teammates names! I hope you can help me with choosing future teammates names!"-Mylena said to Lyra,happy she helped her choose the name for their first new teammate ever.

    Lyra replied for the compliment of Mylena with an simple but happy and very proud "Snivy!" to her trainer. It just looked like one of the normal and small bonding moments,like the ones that happened before she and Mylena meeted Ralts...or,now,Isis,but now,it felt like she really did something important,even trough it was a simple name for a new teammate,and her trainer was taking her as very competent.

    -"I hope you can be an good teammate and friend for Isis,Lyra. I have very much faith on both of you two."-Mylena spoke,full of hopes for the future of her duo of Pokémons.

    Mylena and Lyra returned to the middle of the forest route,exactly where they first meeted their new teammate,happy about the adventure they had,that,altrough was confusing and frantic on the first two hours,on the very last minutes,it was touching and amazing for them,and it was a interesing fun for both Mylena and Lyra and helped them both to intensify the great bond that would grow between them,and to meet up an new teammate:Isis the Ralts.
     
  4. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    Claiming for a grade! Thanks for your patience!!
     
  5. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    @MinecraftFan11;

    Hello there MinecraftFan11, and welcome again to the URPG! I'm so pleased to see that you've edited your story and you're actually now at the suggested character requirement for Ralts! The Hard-rank is an ambitious rank to shoot for, but it seems like you've put great effort into this and I'm excited to dive in! As per all things in the Story section and URPG, if you ever have any questions feel free to send me a PM or to contact me through Discord ^^

    Introduction

    So we have a trainer and her Pokemon here off to an amazing start of their adventure! One thing I'd like to note at the beginning is that a space should go after any comma. That way, the text won't become all jumbled together. That being said, this is quite a riveting introduction! We get a good sense of what Mylena and her Snivy look like, which is crucial for helping your readers understand your characters. Great job here!

    Story

    So this story overall takes on this format: Mylena and Lyra are venturing through the woods on their grand adventure, when suddenly a Ralts pops out at them! The shy Pokemon teleports away, and then the trainer and her Snivy embark on an adventure to find her! Overall, this was a cute and fun first story! As a gentle reminder, while there's nothing wrong with stories about trainers entering the woods to find Pokemon, there's a huge world open to you here in the URPG! You can write about Mylena and her Snivy being anywhere, in the Pokemon world or this world or anywhere, doing anything to find or befriend the Pokemon they want. The world is your oyster! We encourage creativity as much as possible here in the URPG!

    That being said, you give us a lovely sense of conflict throughout this story! From the beginning, the "log" incident shows that Mylena and her Pokemon don't always see eye-to-eye. That's wonderful! They are two distinct individuals on the same journey and it's great that you show this! Their relationship has plenty of room to grow, and I love that you ended the story this way: "It was touching and amazing for them, and it was a interesting fun for both Mylena and Lyra and helped them both to intensify the great bond that would grow between them, and to meet up with a new teammate." That's wonderful! This is what we call character development, a change in a character spurred on by meaningful events or realizations happening to them. This sort of "evolution" is the hallmark of good storytelling and I'm glad you wrote some of that here!

    For future stories, think about how you can continue that character development through unique opportunities in far-spanning places. What kinds of lands do Lyra and Mylena venture to? What kinds of trouble and mischief can they get into? Anything can happen here!

    A quick consideration: what makes Isis change her mind? Why does she decide to go with Mylena and Lyra, as she was hiding entirely before that point? What proves to her that they're not violent as she initially thought? Asking these questions, about why characters do something or change, is also a great way to think about character development!

    Description

    This is a great description! I know what this clearing looks like; it's so peaceful and lovely!

    Typically, whenever you reach a new place or introduce a new character in the URPG, you want to give them at least a little bit of description. As for Pokemon, a good rule of thumb is to pretend your audience is an alien from outer space who doesn't know what Pokemon look like. The descriptions of Isis here were very good! I just recommend you to not repeat a term so often, such as "cherry points" because they can get repetitive. However, that's a small point!

    Grammar

    Whenever you're doing a sentence involving quotation marks, you want to omit these dash marks in the above and instead use a comma to connect the dialogue (the part that's in quotations) to the dialogue tag (the rest of the sentence). You only do this if it's an act of speech; if the act of speech involves an exclamation or a question mark, then you don't use a comma to connect, but rather just that punctuation ^^ Here it is corrected, as well as with other examples.

    A quick note - you only use "an" if it proceeds a word with a vowel sound at its beginning. These would all use the word "a" before the word. Examples of an would be: "an apple, an orange, an insect". An easy fix for this one!

    My last recommendation is to read all of your stories out loud! This process is called proofreading and will help you catch when a phrase or sentence doesn't make sense. There were quite a few typos in this, but it happens to all of us! Reading your story, especially out loud, will help you catch all these lil errors!

    Outcome

    Isis the Ralts Captured! This is a charming first story and I'm glad you're here in the URPG! Enjoy your mon, and continue writing!
     
  6. MinecraftFan11

    MinecraftFan11 New Member

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