My Road to Victory... Eventually. Chapter 1

I was extremely happy as I walked out of my house; today was the day! I would finally get my first Pokémon from the local Professor, Professor Cypress.

Hold on, maybe I should tell you some more about myself…

I am Ty, and I just turned 14 years old. Where I live, people get their first Pokémon the year they turn 14 years old. Of course, I have always been envious of those people in Kanto who get their Pokémon at age 10… But today is the day I finally get to receive my first Pokémon.

The way Professors give out Pokémon here in the Amest region is also a bit different from most of the rest of the world. Here, Professors will give you the choice of one Pokémon of each type, as opposed to just Water, Fire, and Grass.

So here I was, walking through the quiet streets of Emen Town, on my way to the Lab, on my way to the biggest decision in my life yet. I was wondering what Pokémon I would be able to choose from. See, the selection changes every year, so no one knows what Pokémon to expect.

In front of the Lab, a large group of 13 and 14 year olds were discussing the Pokémon, and their possible choices. Of course, there was only a limited amount of Pokémon, so you had to be quick if you wanted to get a good one. If you were lucky, your last name started with an A, or a B, because people were called inside in alphabetical order. Luckily, my last name started with a B, so I should be one of the first.

Ah! There he is! Professor Cypress stepped outside. He was a rather short man with a big moustache, who always wore a lab coat, even when it didn’t make sense to. He started his speech, “Welcome, children! This is the Pokémon Lab, where we research Pokémon in order to better understand them. We also give out free Pokémon to children of age 14, but you knew that already,” he said, eliciting a few chuckles, “You will be called forth to pick your first Pokémon, in alphabetical order of your last names. This is a very important day in your lives… but you knew that already as well,” then he pulled out a long-looking list and started reading names from it. “Adamson, Randy… Baker, Adam… Brickle, Ty…”

This was it. I ignored the chuckles and laughs at my odd last name, walked inside, and looked around at the room I was now in. It was pretty typical for a Lab; bland grey walls with various high-tech-looking things around the room. But what I focused on was a machine. In it were Pokéballs, and a lot of them. Each column corresponded to a certain Pokémon, and the Pokémon you could choose from were displayed on the screen. Let’s see… There were the standard elemental monkeys for Fire, Water and Grass, Fletchling for Flying, Geodude for Rock… Oh! There I saw one of my favourite Pokémon… Well, one that evolved into one of my favourite Pokémon. It was a Sewaddle. I instantly reached out and grabbed one of the Pokéballs in Sewaddles’ column. One of the researchers said something to me, and I nodded, still staring at Sewaddle’s Pokéball.

Once outside the Lab, I returned home to show my family my first Pokémon, and to let it out of its Pokéball for the first time. I held the Pokéball out in front of me and slightly opened the lid. A bright white light came out of the Pokéball, and a small Sewaddle suddenly stood in front of me.

“Hey little buddy,” I said, “I’m your new Trainer!” The Sewaddle looked happily at me, and said “Waddle!” I put Sewaddle on my shoulder, and began the long walk home.

--​

When I arrived home and rang the doorbell, my little sister came running down the hallway near instantly. It seemed she was eager to see my first Pokémon.

“Hey Ty,” she said, and then stared at Sewaddle, “Aww, that Sewaddle is so cute!” “Yeah, well, you just wait until it’s a Swadloon. Not so cute then, eh?” We both laughed as I walked into the living room. My mother, who was sitting on the sofa, looked over to me, “Hey Ty! What Pokémon did you choose? Oh, that little Sewaddle there? Why, I’m surprised! I never thought you liked Sewaddle,” she said. I rolled my eyes and said, “Mum, you know my favourite Pokémon is Swadloon. You’re just acting surprised…” My mother chuckled, “Maybe. Maybe not. Seems like that cute little Sewaddle is taking a liking to you. Well, I assume you will go off into Route 1 immediately then?” “Yeah, I think I will,” I said, not quite getting what she was getting at. “Well, then you should obviously take your bike and Running Shoes™. I also have a little surprise for you,” she said and pulled out some Pokéballs and a Pokédex. “I bought those at the local Pokémart. I would like you to take them with you on your journey,” she said as she handed me the Pokéballs and Dex. “Thanks, mum!” I said as I hugged her goodbye. I then walked out of the house and waved back at my family as I cycled away from home.

--​

Route 1 is surprisingly hard to get through, I thought as I walked into the first patch of tall grass for the 7th time. Sewaddle, as it turned out, was pretty weak, and I had to train it if I ever wanted to become a better trainer. Then, out in the tall grass, I caught a glimpse of something red. Could that be a Fletchling? I had wanted a Fletchling since I set foot into Route 1. I suppose something about the thought of having a fire bird was really exciting. I ran after the red in the grass, but it fled into the trees. I didn’t stop there though. I followed it through the forest, until it led me to a clearing and abruptly stopped running from me. Now, it stood its ground and seemed to challenge me.

“Go Sewaddle!” I said as I threw Sewaddle’s Pokéball into the air. Sewaddle now stood face to face with the Fletchling. I knew Fletchling had a major type advantage over Sewaddle, but I believed in my new friend. Plus, I really wanted a Fletchling. I ordered Sewaddle to use Bug Bite, which was, according to the Pokédex, its most powerful move. Sewaddle moved up and bit Fletchling viciously in its wing. Fletchling chirped in pain, but stood its ground. It pecked Sewaddle hard with its beak, piercing through its delicate leaves. It looked exceptionally painful for Sewaddle. I felt really bad for my friend. I wanted to retreat, but Sewaddle seemed to want to battle on. So I let it. It battled entirely on its own now, tackling Fletchling full-on, which seemed to hurt it more than Bug Bite had. It agilely avoided Fletchling’s threatening beak, and came right back at it with another Bug Bite. It seemed that Sewaddle had the upper hand now. But then Fletchling pecked Sewaddle hard with its beak, causing it to nearly collapse from the pain. It surprisingly carried on fighting, avoiding Fletchling’s moves and gradually slowing it down with String Shot. Eventually, after a long, drawn-out battle, Sewaddle tackled Fletchling one last time. It looked like it would collapse any moment. “Stop it,” I said. I wanted to catch this one. Sewaddle seemed to nod at me. I threw a Pokéball at Fletchling, and while it was wobbling, I suddenly realized…
I was lost.

--​

Fletchling now captured, I tried to find my way back to Route 1. Problem is, I didn’t remember which way I had come from. Sewaddle was nearly unconscious with pain, and Fletchling wasn’t much better off either. I decided to keep walking in one direction. It had to take me somewhere eventually. So I walked in the forest, and avoided wild Pokémon as best I could. Until I encountered a swarm of Beedrill.

God, I was terrified of Beedrill. They were just… Ugh. I tried to steer clear of them, but they spotted me anyway. I ran like hell; one sting from a Beedrill could land me in a hospital, or worse. The Beedrill chased me, and it looked like they were catching up to me. Oh God, was this it? Was this the end? After I just started my journey, it had to end this way? No, I thought, I refuse to think like that. There has to be some way I can escape them… And then I spotted a dark cave to my right. Great! I quickly turned a corner, and made sure the Beedrill didn’t see me diving into the cave.

I held my breath and looked outside. The Beedrill zoomed past, their buzzing sound deafening, and they continued in that direction, trying to chase me even though I was here in this cave. It was almost evening, and I had to sleep. The cave I was in was quite small, with no signs of danger, so I decided I would spend the night here, and then continue wandering the next day. Though there had been no sign of human life for kilometres, I still had hope.

Pokémon I am going for: Sewaddle (Easiest), Fletchling (Simple)
Characters Needed: 8k-15k
Characters Used: 8354 characters
This is my first story I hope it's any good.

 

Claiming.

 

Let me start out first apologizing about how long it took me to post this. I actually completed it a few days ago, but was busy so I couldn't post it. However, it is here now.

Introduction:

When the story first starts out, it's quite predicable. Young Trainer, first Pokemon, new adventure, ect. But what makes this one special is the setting. It’s an entirely new region and it makes me excited to think about how you are going to set it up. Anyway, you provide the necessary background on your character, what is happening, and where he is. These three things are very important in a story, but they can be added at any point, so long as they are added. So, Ty is lost after capturing Fletchling, encounters a swarm of Beedrill, and runs into a nearby cave. I was expecting him to dive in a pond, but the cave is a nice surprise. It’s an interesting twist and very welcome when you start a story as you did.

Plot:

So we have an original start, which is the claiming of Pokemon from the professors, that goes slightly awry. Yay. That’s always exciting. There aren’t any holes in your plot that I could see, so good job there. Though the plot in itself is very simple, it’s still very good and the story is engaging, which is hard to accomplish with such a short story. Though it's not a complex plot, it doesn't need to be since you are only going for low ranking Pokemon. When you try for harder ranking ones, you will have to try something harder.

Description:

Well. On some parts, there is detail given, but others are just blank. None of the Pokemon were described, neither is the main character. Example being, you described the lab, but that was about it. Though you are going for low ranking Pokemon, you still need to tell your reader what the main character and his Pokemon of choice look like. Description is an important part of the story because reading a book is like watching a movie in your head, and you can’t watch a movie without pictures. As you move up in story ranks, you will need to provide descriptions not just for your characters and the Pokemon, but of your surroundings as well. That also goes for your plot.

Grammar:

For the most part, your grammar is very good, but there is one thing. You group the talking of the characters all together, which is slightly confusing as to tell who is talking and where the sentence ends. This is a spacing issue and needs to be corrected.

Here is the example I will use. Both Ty and his sister speak here, but the sentences are grouped together.

This is what is should look like when the characters speak, so it’s easy to distinguish who is talking. You would post the sentence, then go down two lines until there is a space between each sentence. While we are on the subject, try to break up the paragraphs. Long ones are generally harder to read because you can lose track of which sentence you are on. After about seven lines, go down two lines then continue. It will clean up your story and make it look much more appealing.

Length:

8423 is the amount of characters I got, so you’re good. *Thumbs up*

Outcome:

Your story was very clean, save a few details in the description and spacing department. Other than that, your story is very solid and a good read. This grade is very short, but only because there wasn't much that needed to be corrected. I could go on rambling, but it’s time for your grade. Sewaddle and Fletchling Captured! I hope you enjoy the new Pokemon and keep writing. I look forward to more about Ty and his Pokemon.