Mission Almost-Impossible

Intended Capture: Corphish

The small cliff-side compound sparkled like a pile of jewels in the night, sitting just on the Johto side of the Hoenn/Johto boarder. Silence pervaded the area until an explosion rent the night air, shattering the stillness, followed by shouts and alarms. The door to the largest building burst open, the form of a young man and a far smaller form back-lit by the fire that raged inside.
“Next time can you just tear some wires out of the generator, instead of throwing an oxygen cylinder into it?”
“Ral…ral ralts.”
“Fine, I’ll be more clear next time when I say disable it.” The man laid a hand on his accomplice’s head, “Now get us out of here.” If the lighting was better you would have been able to see the smile on the smaller one’s face just before both forms lit up bright blue and disappeared. Seconds later, more people and animal-like shapes ran through the smoke and light, shouting and searching, but their quarry had already eluded them.

----​

A few miles away the pair reappeared in the woods beside a stream, standing in a small pool of moonlight. The young man was soot-stained, wearing hiking boots, a ragged pair of three-quarter shorts and T-shirt, and carrying a satchel bag with a jacket slung across the top of it; on his belt could be seen a small red and white ball and what seemed to be a mobile phone. He rubbed his smaller companion affectionately on the head, “Good work Sam,” he said looking off into the distance. He reached a hand up to brush a strand of charcoal grey hair (badly tousled as usual) out of his eyes to get a better look at the flames that rose into the sky from the facility they’d just left, the reflection of red light combining nicely with the piercing forest green of his eyes.
“Ral,” his companion agreed, accepting the sign of affection warmly. Sam was a Ralts, a Pokémon that looked roughly like a bone-white human shape, wearing a green helmet with a red ‘horn’ facing both forwards and backwards, distinguishable from other Ralts’ only by the blue scarf wrapped around his neck. He only came up to the young man’s knees, but his size betrayed the power that lay within his mind, the power that made him a valuable asset.
“Come on, we’d best find a cave or somewhere to rest for the night. We’ll work out what to do in the morning.” With the human in the lead, the unusual pair followed the stream towards its source for a few minutes before spotting a convenient hollow tree. Helping Sam into the tree first, the young man took a blanket out of his bag and climbed in after him, before they both fell to sleep, exhausted by the night’s events.

----​

Morning broke, the light coming through the gap in the leaves hitting the eyes of both trainer and Pokémon. The trainer was named Boaz Challenger, and the facility he’d raided last night had belonged to an organisation called Team Rocket. Team Rocket was an organisation that sought to obtain and exploit rare and powerful Pokémon, often with no consideration for the welfare of the creatures. They were also an organisation that he himself had been a member of until about a month ago, an organisation that his entire family still supported, and he’d made it his life’s mission to bring them down any way that he could. He awoke as the sunlight played across his face, and took a moment to enjoy the calm of the early morning. Life had been so hectic since he’d begun his ‘war’ on Team Rocket, always moving straight from one mission to the next, and it was nice to have the opportunity to just lie there and listen to the sounds of nature. The nearby stream trickled across a range of stones, Bug Pokémon calling gently to each other through the trees, a plane flying in the distance… Ok that last one wasn’t a natural sound, and completely killed the mood.
Sighing, Boaz started to get up, acknowledging that it was high time to begin the day at any rate. “Sam, c’mon we’ve got work to do,” he gently kicked his Ralts, who in return slammed him viciously against the inside of the tree with his psychic powers.
Immediately realising his mistake Sam shot up and begun apologising, “Ralts, ral, ral.”
“Its OK, its OK,” Boaz coughed as he got his breath back, “it was partially my fault for waking you so roughly. But kudos on getting the synapses warmed up so quickly.” Sam sheepishly begun folding up their shared blanket, he would have been blushing if he were capable. “How about you get us some fire wood whilst I make a start on breakfast,” Boaz offered, taking a look at their meagre food supplies; he really should have raided the storage room at the facility.

----​

Both trainer and Pokémon sat across each other, the fire and a small metal pan containing the remnants of their breakfast between them. Boaz leaned over, passing the pan to Sam and offering him the last of the bacon, “Here.”
“Ral,” the Pokémon shook his head, declining the offer and indicating that he thought Boaz should eat it.
“You need it more than I do; you’re the one who’s been throwing stuff around left, right and centre with your mind.” After another minute or so of arguing back and forth they eventually agreed to split it evenly (although Boaz ensured that Sam got a slightly bigger half). “Now that’s sorted, we need to plan our next move.”
“Ralts?” Sam looked at him quizzically, surely they’d sorted the facility out permanently last night.
“I know what you’re thinking, but I got into their systems whilst you were dealing with the generator and this thing is much bigger than usual.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a computer print-out, “This is a map of the facility and the local underwater cave network. And this,” he tapped a symbol on the print-out,” is the core of the entire project they’re running from here. It’s a sophisticated underwater broadcasting antenna, set up to continuously loop two pieces of audio; The Guardian’s Song and an old recording of a Lugia’s distress call.” It was obvious from the confused look on Sam’s face that he didn’t understand the significance of this statement.
Boaz rooted around in his bag quickly and pulled out a small black device, which flipped open on a hinge after he pressed the red ‘R’ emblazoned on it. He pressed a few buttons on the Pokédex, an remnant of his days with Team Rocket that he refused to part with (the irony of a device they’d given him being useful to his quest to destroy them was just too perfect). The screen of the Pokédex lit up, showing an image of white and blue bird-like Pokémon, a line of black ridges ran along its back and its wings seemed to end in a pair of hands. “Lugia, the Diving Pokémon…” he closed it before the monotone synthesised voice of the Pokédex could continue any further.
“Lugia is a legendary Pokémon, plays a part in weather control, theoretically supposed to be able to control Articuno, Moltres and Zapdos, three other legendary bird-like Pokémon. They seem to be trying to lure it into the caves which, according to the size estimates in my Pokédex, it can’t fit through. Lugia will get stuck and prove an easy target to capture and we can’t let that happen.” His partner nodded vigorously, now that he knew how powerful Lugia was, he was in complete agreement with Boaz. “The generator will be easily repairable, but if we can take out the antenna, that’s a major expenditure to repair. Alternatively if we can damage it subtly whilst the power’s out they may not even realise, then they’ll continue to waste time and resources on it with no chance of attracting Lugia.
“But the problem is that you can’t swim, and I can’t do anything to the antenna without help, so we’re going to have to expand our team.” He was easily able to interpret the look that Sam gave him, and he understood that the idea of having to share his Trainer’s affection wouldn’t be appealing. “Look we need help on this one, I know you don’t like the idea but I’m surprised we’ve been able to keep it up this long with just the two of us. Besides,” he said soothingly, placing a comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder, “you are still gonna be my true partner, and I couldn’t ask for a better best friend.” Sam jumped up and hugged Boaz, reassured that he would always hold a special place in his heart.
By now the fire had died down and the morning was beginning to be left behind. Time was of the essence for Boaz’s plan, so it really was time to begin doing something about their next move, instead of more planning. He cross-referenced the GPS map on his Pokégear (a combination mobile phone, radio, GPS and personal organiser) with his Pokédex to compile a list of Water-type Pokémon that could be found in the area: Magikarp, Surskit, Goldeen, Corphish. Pretty standard bunch for this kind of area, and it appeared that only one of them would have the raw power needed for the kind of sabotage he had in mind; Corphish.
“We’re looking for this,” he showed an image of the Pokémon to Sam, “according to the ‘dex it’s fairly common around here so it shouldn’t be too tough to find.”

----​

The sun was past its zenith and well on the way to the opposite horizon when Boaz officially decided to give up. “It’s nearly four in the afternoon and we still haven’t seen any sign of one,” he thought back to the trail of defeated fish Pokémon that they’d left in the river; nearly twenty Pokémon beaten, five more escaped and ten other glimpsed, but not a single Corphish. He took a final bite of an apple he’d picked whilst walking, and threw the core over his shoulder to dispose of it. “Maybe we should…”
“Corr,” a yell from behind him interrupted Boaz, along with a stream of bubbles that impacted a tree behind him, both of which had emanated from behind the bush that he’d thrown the apple core over. Through the bush pushed a short red and cream lobster-like Pokémon, an angry look on its face and waving its claws in the air; a Corphish. “Phish, phish, Corphish,” the diminutive creature continued to yell at him before its expression changed from one of anger to one of surprise to match the one on Boaz’s face, obviously it hadn’t been expecting to see a human any more than he’d been expecting to see it.
“Quick Sam, before it gets away,” the Ralts jumped up quickly to challenge the newly arrived Pokémon, bravely preparing to take it on despite the fact that Corphish was almost twice his size. A brief blue flash emitted from the bottom edge of Sam’s ‘helmet,’ at about the right location to be from his eyes. Sam scanned his opponent using his psychic powers, analysing its strengths and weaknesses, finding out how its innate powers worked. Mere seconds later, what appeared to be glowing yellow armour plates, made of pure energy, floated just a few inches away from Sam’s skin, covering him completely. ‘Sam must have Traced the Corphish’s Ability,’ Boaz reopened his Pokédex at the entry on Corphish, checking what Abilities it could have, ‘looks like it’s Shell Armour. Good, that ought to keep him safe and even things up a little.’
“All right Sam, let him know we mean business. Hit him with Psychic.” Sam nodded and begun to focus his powers as the armour plates faded from view. The ends of both of his arms glowed bright blue, and once the energy had built up enough he swung them forward, one at a time, hurling two bolts of energy directly towards the wild Pokémon. Each bolt zeroed in on Corphish, leaving a blue trail behind them, but the wild Pokémon refused to go down without a fight. Corphish’s left claw glowed purple before he sliced it through both bolts of energy, destroying them without taking any damage. Seizing the initiative Corphish charged towards Sam, its claws glowing a deep blue.
“Looks like a Crabhammer, counter with Double Team,” no sooner had the order been issued than half a dozen illusory copies of Sam appeared beside him, even Boaz was unable to tell which was the real one. As expected the Corphish went in hard with its attack anyway, obliterating a copy and sailing right through unimpeded. But Boaz’s celebrations were cut short as he realised that the Corphish didn’t seem to care, and continued running towards the river. “It was a feint, he’s trying to escape. Hit him with Hypnosis.” It was too late, Sam’s eyes barely had time to warm up before the Corphish hit the water and disappeared. “Don’t give up yet Sam, focus yourself with Calm Mind.” The Ralts dropped his head, arms out to the sides and became outlined in a blue light, “You ready?” Sam subtly nodded, “Now, Magical Leaf.”
Reaching out with his newly augmented powers, Sam stripped a nearby branch of leaves and pulled them towards him. The leaves begun to spin in a vortex around the Pokémon, gradually gaining a blue glow as Sam imbued them with power. Once he was certain that they’d gained enough power, he swung his arms up, sending the leaves flying in a high arc, and then brought them down into the river. His Magical Leaf saturation worked like a charm as the Corphish was blown out of the water and neatly deposited back on the bank near them. The lobster Pokémon was now enraged, and decided that the only way it would get any peace would be to finish off these interlopers. With that in mind it charged Sam once again, its claws glowing a deep blue.
“It’s only a Crabhammer again, this time hold your ground and put him to sleep once he gets near,” he thought smugly. They’d both seen how this particular Corphish moved when executing this attack once already, and he knew he could rely on Sam to be able to counter with Hypnosis at the correct time. The Pokémon closed in on the Ralts, easily evading his Hypnosis attack, and struck forwards with his right claw. But to Boaz and Sam’s horror, at the last minute the claw opened and the glow changed from blue to white, revealing Corphish’s deadly intentions; a Guillotine attack. “Sam dodge it!” but it was too late, the claw begun to close around his head, and then to everyone’s surprise stopped mere inches from a possible decapitation. The yellow armour plates of Sam’s Traced Shell Armour Ability made a reappearance, causing the Guillotine attack to slide off. Corphish didn’t allow the surprise to rob him of his chance completely however and landed a vicious Crabhammer with his left claw, throwing Sam, rolling head over heels, over towards Boaz. The Trainer bent down and caught Sam, slipping him an Oran berry from their precious supplies to help him keep his strength up.
“Phish, corphish,” the Corphish charged towards Sam again, pincers open for another pair of Guillotine attacks.
“Sam, finish this with Confusion, followed by Hypnosis again.” The Corphish’s charge stalled as it floated up into the air, the blue outline around its body indicating that this was the work of the Ralts. Sam then slammed Corphish into the ground, before turning it to face him and flashing a pair of red, glowing eyes at it, this time successfully sending it off to dreamland.
“Yeah!” Boaz cheered and punched the sky in celebration, caught up in the moment of the battle.
“Ralts, ral ral,” Sam pulled on Boaz’s bag urgently.
“Whoops, still gotta catch it,” he grinned sheepishly as he searched his bag for an appropriate receptacle. “Gimmie a break, its not like I’ve done this before, you followed me and I never reached the part of training where we go into the field.” Finding a small ball he tugged it out, glad to discover he hadn’t accidentally pulled out a berry. It had a watery design imprinted on it, split between white, light blue and darker blue, cut through the middle with a black seam and white button. He tapped this button now, causing the ball to grow from the size of ping-pong ball to the size of a baseball, and then hurled it with all his might at the dozing form of Corphish. The ball struck it on the head, bouncing back slightly before the Pokémon was converted into red energy and pulled inside of the ball. It hit the ground and sat there shaking, the normally white button glowing red as it attempted to contain the struggling Corphish.

 

Introduction, Characters, Backstory: The first part of your story starts with a 'teaser' of action, then moves into a good description of your characters (Boaz and Sam.) More backstory is introduced shortly afterwards, and it's not missing any important information that I could tell. Not only that, but the relationship between Trainer and Pokémon, as well as their personalities to some extent, is made clear over the course of the story. Nothing really lacking here, so good job.


Plot Content, Plot Flow: Your plot is a refreshing break from the cookie-cutter 'Trainer recieves starter Pokémon, goes looking for Pokémon to catch, battles and catches a Pokémon.' Not that there's anything wrong with the basic plotline, but I've been grading Simple stories only so far, and they're the ones that don't really have any need for anything more elaborate.
The innovative plot, with a character whose aims include more than simply embarking on his Pokémon journey and seeing what the world holds, makes this aspect of your story, at least, worthy of a Medium- or even Hard-rated catch.


Grammar, Sentence Flow: The only thing that I feel the need to correct, though it's not really important, is the following sentence:

What you meant to say here, I assume, is that 'his size belied the power that lay within his mind...'
'Belied' and 'betrayed' are opposites, but similar enough that I can see why you made the mistake. Using 'betrayed' in this way means that the physical aspect reveals an otherwise hidden trait, for example:
"The tall, pallid-faced man was smiling understandingly, but the icy glint in his eyes betrayed his complete lack of any real compassion."
That minor confusion over antonyms notwithstanding, and despite a few small mistakes elsewhere, there are no errors that actually impact the readability and clarity of your writing. Kudos.


Detail, Description: Quite good. The characters are described well, Boaz's clothing and Sam's scarf included, and you even thought to describe various props that didn't need describing, but did benefit from it. For instance, we all know what a Dive Ball looks like, but it's good to see it described rather than simply being told, "Boaz took out a Dive Ball."
On the other hand, in some locations, your visual descriptions of the actual surroundings are rather basic: Mostly we are simply told about 'landmarks' like the stream the two follow, and the hollow tree they sleep in. This is offset, though, by the fact that you add nice things like auditory and even tactile (the sun on Boaz's face, et cetera) details.
Since detailed description is something that's usually lacking in the posts of new writers and veterans alike if they haven't been reminded recently, this exceeds expectations, even if it doesn't go extremely far above the requirements for a story aimed at a Medium-difficulty catch.


Battles: This is another strong point. Descriptive and innovative, your battle is exactly what a reader wants to see: Rather than being a slogging, turn-based, near-100%-hit-chance 'battle report' which resembles watching a battle from the games, and which one normally expects from a new member, your battle makes a logical (as opposed to strictly mechanics-based) use of each move.
In other words, this was both interesting to read and well written, especially given that the complex movements of a battle are often difficult to describe in a way that allows the reader to understand exactly what you're talking about.


Overall: Strong all across the board, this story, in my opinion, could easily have been a contender for a Hard catch if it were another 5 000 characters longer and had slightly more description of the characters' surroundings. As it is, its length, at 15 940 characters, is comfortably within the Medium-difficulty range while still including more than enough information and interesting plot content.
I look forward to seeing the stories you write in future, and to encountering you around the URPG!


Result:
Corphish: CAUGHT.

 

Awesome, thanks for the grade. I had intended to say belied, but somehow both me and my proof-reader missed it, whoops.