Left Behind: Final Part

Left Behind
(Now open for comments)

Intended Pokemon: Phanpy

Night was fast approaching in the Johto region. The sky was a mixture of orange and purple, as the sun sank lower into the horizon and the stars and moon took over. Around the region, Hoothoots and Noctowls were taking flight, calling out into the sky, while numerous other Pokemon began to drift off, curling up in their warm tall grass, trees or caves, hoping no trainer would disturb them.

On the edge of Blackthorn City, a family of four were waiting by a wooden bridge, along with around a dozen other people. They were all waiting for a bus that would take them to a small ferry in New Bark Town, where they would then head back to Kanto.

Amongst the family, there was the father, Bruce, who was taller than anyone else around, and was wearing a faded brown jacket. He had a thick arm wrapped around his wife, Isabel, who only came up to his shoulder. She was shivering in the night breeze, and was regretting the skirt and short sleeved shirt she had chosen for the trip. Their eldest daughter, Beth, was happily flirting to a boy standing nearby, flicking back her long black hair she had inherited.

“We totally won this lottery and went on this trip, but we still have tons of cash left.” She was saying, giggling stupidly after every few words. At the feet of the family sat the youngest child, ten year old Jericho. Unlike his family, who all had black hair and brown eyes, Jericho had blonde hair, the same as his grandma, which he had partially dyed orange, giving him the appearance his head was on fire. His eyes were also an electric blue, giving them a slightly magical quality. He was tall for his age, though his fourteen year old sister and mother were still taller than him. Sitting next to Jericho was a Flareon named Evelyn. Her coat was beautiful and well groomed, and she looked very smart. She had been given to Jericho when he was seven, as a birthday gift from his grandparents, and had been named after his grandmother. A year later at Christmas, he had been given the choice of a Fire, Water and Electric stone, and Jericho had decided upon a Fire Stone.

“When is the bus coming?” Jericho said.

“Soon son, just be patient.” Bruce said.

“But this is boring!” Jericho huffed. He looked behind them towards Route 45. It was split in two and had a river running through it, reflecting the moon. “Can Evelyn and I go and play back there? Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Flare!” Evelyn said happily, and the two looked up at Bruce and Isabel.

“You’ll miss the bus dear.” Isabel said.

“No I won’t!” Jericho fumed. “Evelyn and I haven’t been able to play for ages, and-”

“Don’t argue with your mother!” Bruce scolded. The other people were staring, and Beth was giving her brother the evils. Jericho stood up, but it didn’t do much, as he came up to Bruce’s ribs.

“Evelyn and I are going to play!” He said, and he quickly grabbed his crumpled blue backpack.

“Son, sit back down right now!” Bruce whispered, trying to not attract any more attention. Evelyn began moving backwards ever so slightly, but Jericho wasn’t as discreet. He turned around and sprinted forwards, nearly running off the side of the bridge. Bruce went after him, but Evelyn turned around and faced him.

“Eon Flare!” She said, and released a tongue of fire. It turned into a spiral and wrapped around Bruce. He could no longer move without being burnt by the Fire Spin, and Jericho and Evelyn ran off into the distance.

**

The sky turned from orange and purple to a deep violet, finally turning into a dark blue. The moon was a crescent shape, and clouds were moving towards it, and Jericho’s only light would be consumed. He and Evelyn were running forwards, not even watching where they were going. A hiker yelled out to them as they passed, but they soon disappeared into the long grass.

“Flare.” Flareon said, and she ran in front to protect her trainer.

“Thank you Evelyn.” Jericho said, and he stopped and gave his Pokemon a hug. Evelyn smiled and nuzzled him with her head. Jericho looked around, trying to see what they could do. They were surrounded by grass and several mountains. Two Gravellers were rolling along the ground, with some Geodudes following after. A Gliscor was flying overhead, two Gligars clinging to her. Jericho thought of his parents, and felt guilty about running away.

“I think we should go back.” Jericho said. “I don’t want to disturb the families.” Evelyn smiled, and the two turned and jogged back towards Blackthorn. But as they climbed a small staircase, Jericho could see a white bus where he had been only five minutes ago.

“We’re going to miss the bus!” He yelled, and he sprinted forwards, Evelyn racing alongside. But just as they reached the bridge, Jericho didn’t notice that three Geodudes were walking towards a cave a few metres away. Matthew tripped over one, and he fell and landed on the gravel, and rolled forwards and down a small ledge. Evelyn jumped over the Geodudes and followed Jericho, who had grazed his face and elbow. There was a large rip in his plain red shirt, and mud and dirt streaked down his shorts.

“Owwww!” He groaned, and he began to cry. There was the sound of an engine above them, and Jericho watched as the bus went past, moving slowly across the bridges and through the grass.

“WAIT!” Jericho yelled, and he tried to run after the bus, but his leg gave way and he fell over. His tears streamed down his face now, and he didn’t bother wiping them away, and instead let out a wail.

“Flareon Flare Flare Eon!” Evelyn said, and she bent down and put her head through his arm. Jericho understood and gave her a hug, burying his face into her mane.

“Phan Phan!” Jericho was so shocked than he temporarily stopped crying. He and Evelyn looked around and saw a Phanpy, walking slowly towards them.

“What do you want?” Jericho huffed. The Phanpy looked shocked about this, and turned to walk away. Evelyn scolded Jericho, who realised they had reached the long grass.

“Um… I’m sorry Phanpy. I didn’t mean to snap.” The boy said. The Phanpy let out another sob, and Jericho felt guiltier. “Would you like to battle?”

“Phanpy Phan!” The Phanpy said happily and turned to face them. Matthew grinned and stood up, wiping away tears and blood from his face.

“Would you like to battle Evelyn?” The Flareon nodded her head vigorously: she hadn’t had a proper battle in nearly six months. She moved along so that she was facing Phanpy, who stood directly opposite. Jericho rummaged inside his bag, looking past his change of clothing, his games console and a paperback he was reading, and found one of the five PokeBalls his grandfather had given him before they went on holiday.

If you ever get the chance, use them. He said. I want you to become the best trainer ever! Jericho remembered this and smiled.

“Ok Evelyn, start off with Fire Spin!” He said. Evelyn opened her mouth and released another burst of fire, which coiled into a tower around Phanpy. This didn’t bother the little elephant, who coiled up into a ball and used Rollout. She charged forwards, still trapped by Fire Spin, and hit Evelyn, causing her to fall over.

“Rollout is powerful against Fire.” Jericho said, sounding worried. “You’d better use Sand Attack.”

“Flare.” Evelyn agreed, and she turned around and kicked sand over at Phanpy. The blue Pokemon coughed and went back into Rollout. But this time, she veered to the left too much and smashed into a mountainside.

“Great work! Ok, now try an Ember.” Jericho said.

“Phan!” Phanpy said quickly, and a white light rose from the ground underneath, surrounding her. Evelyn sent out the ball of fire, and it went through the light and the fire, hitting Phanpy. She collapsed to the ground and the light disappeared, and looked like she was about to faint.

“That must have been Endure!” Jericho gasped. He looked at the PokeBall in his hand: if there was ever a chance to use it, this was the right moment. He threw the small red and white capsule, and it struck Phanpy on the head and opened. Phanpy turned into red energy and went inside the PokeBall. The fire disappeared and the ball landed on the ground. Jericho and Evelyn walked forwards, staring at it. The PokeBall shook once… twice… three times….

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 1

I'll Grade this. Expect one up quite soon, tomorrow at the latest.

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 1

PLOT:

I must say, I was really impressed that you strayed from the 'trainer gets Pokémon, trainer finds a wild Pokémon, trainer catches wild Pokémon'. It was well thought out and not boring, while at the same time, it wasn't amazingly complex. That's a great balance to have in the lower levels, and if you could sustain the creativity, and add a touch more complexity as you wrote for higher ranked mons, it'd help you out a lot.

The only thing that sort of bugged me was how Jericho's family got on the bus without him. I know that they wanted to get home, but still, it's hardly fair to leave your ten-year-old son stranded in a city where they have no idea how to get home. Just a little bit of explanation would've cleared it up, such as maybe hearing his mum beg the driver to wait for him, but to no avail. Still, overall the plot was good, and definitely suited to a story this length.

INTRODUCTION:

You did a good job in introducing us to the characters and setting – you paid attention to each of the characters, and even though you didn't tell us everything about them, what you did say was enough for us to get a gist of who they were. For example, by saying that Bruce had a 'thick arm' around his wife, it made me think he was a very masculine person, shown later by the authority he set down when Jericho wanted to play in Route 45.

Including a background to how Jericho met Evelyn also helped the reader relate to him more, as he wasn't just some random person who was going to catch a Pokémon. Character background is a key point to keeping your readers interested, so as long as you expand on certain points relative to the length of the story, you shouldn't have a problem with it in future stories.

SPELLING/GRAMMAR:

Big block of text = major no no. I don't know whether you tried to use tabs, and they just didn't work, but having long blocks of text can annoy people and make them not want to read it. The best thing to do is to put a double line break instead of just pressing enter.

And then, when you want to change scene or something (like when you did put a double line break), put something else that can separate the two scenes, even just something as simple as

I do have to say, though, you do seem to know when to put new paragraphs – it was just the formatting that was bad.

There were a few little errors, such as when it was recalling the grandad's voice, there should have been some form of punctuation, or even if it was just italicised, that would've been fine, but I don't feel mean enough to point all of them out. I'm gonna trust that you

LENGTH:

It's roughly 9k characters, which is more than enough for a Simple mon.

DETAIL/DESCRIPTION:

I liked your description in this – it was simplistic, yet really made me imagine what was going on. It was great how you described the characters as well; instead of 'Jericho was ten. He had blonde hair. He had blue eyes', you expanded the sentences more so that it flowed well. I also found it easy to imagine the scenery.

I think that, to improve, you could weave the description into the action, more. You did it in some places, for example, 'as he grabbed his crumpled blue backpack', but you could've gone further, like maybe when describing his eyes, have put 'The moon made the colour of his electric-blue eyes pop as he surveyed the night sky out of boredom.' It keeps the story flowing even more.

Also, there wasn't a huge amount of description of the Pokémon themselves. You did it a little with Phanpy, but not with more minor Pokémon, such as Gliscor and Graveler. Although the world won't end if you don't describe them, it can make the story more real, and hey, it adds to your length count, so why not?

BATTLE:

I thought it was a little short compared to the rest of your story, but still good enough for a mon of this level. It was fairly one sided, and you also took into account type effectiveness, which can really make a good battle if used in an appropriate situation. For example, Lucario vs Meowth probably won't be that fair to the Meowth. It's all about judging the best ideas for the situation of the battle. However, I think that the battle was fine enough for now. Thumbs up for including more than just attacking moves too.

OUTCOME:

This really was a very good story for a first story, so I have no problems saying Phanpy Captured! Enjoy your little blue elephant

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 1

Thank you so much I'll try and incorporate some stuff in, and don't worry, there will be some explanations towards the end about why they left him behind. Also, Phanpy is in the Medium category, not Simple, so it was a 1K short sorry.

Intended Pokemon: Poliwag

Here is the second part:


The morning sun was slowly making its way above the mountains of Route 45. The bright ball of sunshine illuminated the fast flowing river, and caused the mountains to cast big shadows, covering most of the tall grass. The Pokemon in the area were beginning to wake up: several Ursaring were at the edge of the river, sticking their heads in to catch any fish Pokemon for the Teddiursa behind them. The Gravellers and Geodudes Jericho had seen last night where now with a large group, all sitting around, sleeping or playing with each other. A Noctowl swooped down out of the sky, tired after a nights hunting and hoping for one last snack before retiring. She saw something twitching in the grass nearby, and flew over, smiling greedily.

“Noct!” She cried and went to bite it. But the figure looked up, and the Noctowl stopped: a human boy was in front of her.

“Whattayawan?” Jericho blabbered, his hair in a horrible mess. The Noctowl was startled, and turned and flew away quickly. Jericho let out a groan as he stood up. His clothes were crinkled from sleeping on the ground, and he figured he should change them soon. He looked down towards Evelyn, who had been providing him with warmth over the night. Half of her mane had been flattened due to his body, and some of her orange fur stood slightly on end.

“Thanks for keeping me company.” Jericho smiled.

“Flare.” Evelyn said happily. Jericho bent down and picked up his bag pack, and rummaged inside for a cheap watch Beth had brought him in Goldenrod. The screen displayed 08:17:36, and Jericho sighed slightly: he never got up this early. He would usually stay tucked up in the bed of whatever motel his family stayed in, or at the back seat of a rental car. Thinking of his parents made Jericho remember why he had spent all night sleeping on the cold grass, listening to the shuffling of Pokemon. Another tear trickled down his face, and it stung the scab forming over his graze. Jericho wiped it away before looking down at Evelyn.

“I think that we should head down to New Bark Town, try and wait for another ferry.” He said. “If we find a phone box on the way, I’ll try calling mum’s cell, I have the number in here somewhere.” Evelyn nodded, though Jericho wasn’t sure if Pokemon even knew what a phone was. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a PokeBall. “Kashin, come for a walk!” The ball burst opened, and the red energy formed into the Phanpy Jericho had caught last night. It was weak from the battle, but Evelyn had found some berries to eat, healing all three of them up.

“Phan!” Kashin said, and she turned into a ball and raced forwards. Jericho smiled and ran after. The grass was wet with dew, and several Gligars were sleeping to the side, which Jericho and Evelyn avoided. One of them looked up and stared at them, but none of them saw this movement.

“Kashin, come back!” Jericho yelled, and didn’t realise Kashin had stopped using Rollout just before a wooden bridge. Jericho skidded to a halt when he saw the blue amongst the green, and looked down at the Phanpy.

“What did you think speeding ahead like that?” Jericho said.

“This is a cute little Phanpy, is it yours?” Jericho was stunned to hear a human voice, and turned quickly around. A girl, a few years older than him, was standing behind him. Her black hair was tied back in a ponytail, and she was wearing a green jacket and blue pants. A Meganium was standing behind her, staring inquisitively at the scene, until Evelyn began chatting with her.

“Hello, my name is Alexis.” The girl said and shook Jericho’s hand.

“Hi, I’m Jericho.” Jericho said, and he picked up Kashin, who was nibbling on an Oran Berry.

“That is a nasty cut, what happened?” Alexis said, staring at his face and side. Jericho quickly explained about his family, and Alexis looked very shocked.

“That is really bad, I feel so sorry for you!” She said. Jericho smiled, and Alexis gave him a one-armed hug, making Jericho feel slightly happier.

“Where are you going to, the Pokemon League?” Jericho said.

“Yep!” Alexis said happily. “I’ve spent a week in Blackthorn City. The gym leader, Clair, wouldn’t see me at first. Then my Dewgong defeated her, but she wouldn’t give me a badge. I had to go and see the Dragon Master and be called a worthy trainer first.” She seemed frustrated and began to walk quickly, causing Jericho and the Pokemon to head after.

“If you are going towards the Pokemon League, could I walk with you to New Bark Town?” Jericho asked. Alexis turned around and nodded.

“Of course, I can’t let you stay here with all these big nasty Pokemon around!” She chuckled. A Graveller crossing the bridge turned and glared at them, and Alexis threw a Lum Berry at him before moving quickly away.

“Would you like to call your parents?” Alexis said, as they edged their way down a ledge. Jericho grinned and practically snatched the PokeGear out of her hands. He rummaged around inside his bag, while Alexis sat down near a small pond, letting the Pokemon have a drink. Jericho found a scrap of paper with his mother’s phone number on it.

If you get lost, just give me a call, and we’ll be able to find each other. She had said shortly before they arrived in Johto. Jericho remembered that now, and figured it was a right time to call. He dialled the number and put the PokeGear to his arm. There was no answer, just some irritating beeps, before it cut to the answering message.

Hello, this is Isabel. If this is Jericho, the ferry is arriving at eight thirty. We’ll try and hold them up, but I can’t promise anything. I’ll explain everything when we meet up, just please get here! If this isn’t Jericho, then please leave a message. There was a beep, but Jericho hung up and threw the PokeGear back to Alexis, who narrowly caught it.

“What is wrong?” She said.

“I have to get to New Bark Town now, my family is about to catch a ferry at eight thirty!” Jericho replied, and he brought back Kashin and went to bring Evelyn back, but Alexis shook her head.

“I am sorry, but it’s eight thirty-five, you’ve missed the boat.” Jericho’s eyes bulged, and he nearly collapsed to his knees. Tears began to stroll down his face: he had missed out on his family, again. Alexis, Evelyn and Meganium rushed forwards.

“Don’t worry, there is another way to get to them!” Alexis said.

“Really, how?” Jericho said, wiping his tears away. Alexis grinned, and she reached into her bright pink bag and pulled out a stick, which she extended.

“This is a Super Rod.” She explained, and took him towards the pond. “If you catch a water Pokemon, I’ll teach it Surf for you, and then you can get to your family!” Jericho had stopped crying, and was now grinning from ear to ear.

“Get ready Evelyn.” He said.

“Flare.” She replied, and stood behind him. Alexis explained the basic methods, and then passed the Super Rod over and stood a bit away with Meganium. Jericho threw the hook in, and the water rippled as it sunk in. He stared into the water, but all he got was the reflection from the sun, half blinding him. Jericho mumbled angrily under his breath, not noticing the rod was twitching.

“Flare!” Evelyn exclaimed, and Jericho gasped. He quickly reeled it in, and a small blue Pokemon appeared.

“It’s a Poliwag!” Alexis cried. The Poliwag was thrashing his tail on the water, causing waves to splash up onto the grass. Jericho dropped the Super Rod, and the hook came out of the Poliwag’s mouth, but sat on the water and glared at them.

“Evelyn, start off with Quick Attack.” Jericho commanded. Evelyn sped forwards, smashing into the Poliwag and knocking him onto the other side of the pond. The Poliwag huffed angrily, and then fired a thin jet of water. Evelyn tried to dodge the Water Gun, but was struck in the middle.

“That’s alright, now go for a Bite!” Jericho said. There was the crunch of gravel behind them, and he turned and saw that the Geodude and Graveller pack had seen the battle while moving, and were positioning themselves the watch. Evelyn leapt forwards and tried to bite onto Poliwag, but the Tadpole Pokemon moved aside.

“Poli!” He cried, and fired a ball of water into the sky. It burst open and it began to rain. The Geodudes and Gravellers let out roars and growls, but were too interested in the battle to move.

“Ember, quickly!” Jericho yelled, as the rain soaked through his clothes. He instantly began to freeze, and Alexis and Meganium ran for cover. Even though Evelyn was soaking wet, her yellow mane becoming flat, she still fired a ball of fire, blasting Poliwag backwards. He retaliated with Hypnosis. Evelyn’s eyes shut, and she collapsed, now in a deep sleep. Jericho wanted to treat her, but catching a water type was important. He pulled out his two PokeBalls, switching Evelyn for Kashin.

“Slam!” Jericho yelled.

“Phan!” Kashin said, and ran and jumped onto Poliwag. Poliwag’s stiffened, as he was now paralysed, but he still landed a Water Gun. Kashin’s legs wobbled, and Jericho knew there was no time like the present. He reached into his bag and pulled out another PokeBall. He remembered finding it on a route during a hike, and hoped it would work now, even though there was a scratch on the red.

“Go PokeBall!” Jericho yelled, and threw it at Poliwag. As Poliwag was sucked inside, Jericho crossed his fingers and shut his eyes, waiting for some sign that the Poliwag had been caught…

(Side Note: If anyone is wondering, there was an elephant called Kashin at my local zoo. She had been there for her whole life, and sadly passed away last year shortly before her 40th. I thought I would use the name as a mini tribute)

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 2 2nd Part ready to grade

Claimed for Grading.

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 2 2nd Part ready to grade

Introduction:

This was an excellent introduction that beautifully described the environment that Jericho found himself in after having to sleep on Route 45 the night before. It was very well-written, and it definitely set the tone for the rest of the story. Truthfully, it lacked a strong hook that really drew the reader in; however, given Jericho's situation, it would be difficult to start the piece off with an action-packed scene.

The only way I could think of to do this was if you somehow introduced Alexis by showing the tail end of her battle with Clair in the very beginning of the story. However, I'm getting the feeling she's going to be more of a character-of-the-day, so doing that wasn't really necessary if that's the case.

In short, great job with the introduction.

Plot:
After a hectic night, Jericho wakes up to the sounds of the morning (and a friendly Noctowl) on Route 45. He decides that it would be best to get to New Bark Town to try to catch up with his family. He, Evelyn (his Flareon), and Kashin (his Phanpy), set out for New Bark Town; along the way, they meet up with an Ace Trainer named Alexis. She is headed to New Bark as well, though she intends to go towards the Pokemon League. She loans Jericho a phone so he can call his parents; it is though this call that he learns that he missed his ferry. Though heartbroken, Jericho learns from Alexis that he can use a Pokemon that knows Surf to get over the water to Kanto, and try to catch up to his family. She loans him a Super Rod, and he goes fishing for a Water-type. He soon finds a Poliwag, and (with some hardheaded spectators) he attempts to capture it.

As a continuation of your last story, the plot is more complex and pretty original, considering it's only your second story and your target is a Simple Pokemon. This is very good, because it means that you'll be capable of going after something more complex in the future.

The only thing I'm put off about with this plot is that it has trouble standing on its own; granted, it is a continuation of your last story, but it's usually better to include some details from your last story in the continuation in case people don't want to read the last one. This didn't affect the Grade, but it's something to think about for next time.

Dialogue:
The dialogue was also quite good; it really helped me to connect with your characters and get an idea of their personalities as they interacted with one another. While I didn't think Alexis would be much more than a bit character at first, you gave her quite a bit of personality through her actions to help Jericho with his situation.

One of my favorite exchanges is a bit more subtle:

If you've read any of my other Grades, you'll know that I enjoy it when writers include this sort of subtlety in their work. These lines, though not too special at face-value, show the strong bond that Evelyn has with Jericho, and that adds to both of their character in the long run. Good job with this, as well.

Grammar:
Little to no mistakes on your part here. You definitely took Pichu Boy's advice from last time, because the story flows more smoothly than last time. I have no complaints about this, so moving on!

Detail and Description:
As I said in the introduction, the environments are described very well, and I had little trouble seeing what was going on in the story. Good job describing Alexis, as well; though you already know from above, it wasn't necessary to give her too much character, but you did anyway, and that really added to the overall value of your story.

As I said in the Plot section, you might want to include a few small details that readers who didn't read your first part might have missed out on. For example, if the cuts and scrapes that Jericho got weren't properly treated, they would probably seep into his clothes a little bit. That would give you the chance to describe his clothes for anyone who didn't read the first one.

Another thing worth bringing up again is something that Pichu Boy noted earlier: describing the Pokemon around your characters. Though this is a Pokemon forum, you cannot assume that everyone knows what all the Pokemon look like. However, that's usually reserved for more difficult Pokemon; for this story, it's really no big deal.

Battle:
You did less with the type match-ups in this one than the last, which was a little disappointing. With Rain Dance up and Water-type coverage, Ember couldn't have been doing much to that Poliwag, especially if it was caught on a Super Rod. till, the battle was interesting and just fine for your target Pokemon.

The addition of the spectators was a nice touch, by the way:

I enjoy your description of the Geodude and Graveler in these stories; their background roles add a level of depth to the story, and that was a nice touch.

Length:
Poliwag is in the Simple category; the suggested length for Pokemon in this category is 5,000 to 10,000 characters. Your story is 9,383 characters; this is pretty close to the maximum suggested length. Nice job!

Outcome:
Drum roll, please...

...

...Click!

Gotcha! Poliwag was caught!

Considering the fact that this story was better than the last one and you went for something simpler here, there was little doubt in my mind that you'd be successful. I'll keep an eye out for Jericho's future adventures.

Enjoy your catch!

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 2 2nd Part ready to grade

Thanks for approving, and I used your advice in the next part

Intended Capture: Arbok

It was nearing noon as Jericho and Alexis completed their journey to New Bark Town. The high mountains and caves had been replaced by luscious green trees, and big fields of long grass. The Pokemon had changed too: instead of Gligars up in the skies, the brown and white Pidgeys were flying from tree to tree, occasionally diving into the grass. Little purple Rattatas were scampering around, and Jericho had spotted at least three different packs, each with two to five big, burly, brown Raticate getting their pre-evolutions to move. Evelyn and Meganium were itching to run off and play in the grass, but Jericho couldn’t afford to waste any more time.
After changing his clothes to a white T-shirt and camouflage shorts, Jericho, using Alexis’ PokeGear, had left several messages on his mum’s cell phone. He had even remembered his grandparent’s number, and had tried to call them to, but he got no answer. His mood was rapidly slipping away, and he stared at the ground, kicking at the stones and occasionally sobbing. What was going on that prevented anyone in his family contacting him. Maybe someone was really sick, maybe his Auntie Martha had had another cycling accident, maybe the house had exploded, or something had exploded, or… or ….

“Hey, don’t cry!” Alexis gasped, as she noticed the tears streaming down Jericho’s face. She pulled a tissue out of her pocket and dabbed his cheeks.

“I just want to know what my family is doing, is that too much to ask?” Jericho wailed, and he collapsed to the ground, wailing loudly. A picnicker nearby looked around, shocked but this attitude. Alexis gave her a nasty look, while Evelyn rushed up.

“Flareon Flare Flare Eon.” Evelyn said, nestling up to her trainer. “Flare Eon Eon.” She continued, and Jericho looked up, tears still streaming down.

“Mega.” Meganium said, and the giant pink flower around her neck glowed pink, and a beautiful scent was released. This cheered Jericho up, and he managed to control his tears.

“Thank you for that Aromatherapy.” He said. “And for your kind words.” He said to Evelyn, and gave her a huge hug. She smiled, and patted him with her large bushy tail. Alexis smiled warmly at them all, but had to suddenly duck as a Pidgey swooped down, its beak nearly hitting her eye.

“Oi, watch it!” She yelled. The Pidgey turned around, before shrugging her light brown wings and turning away.

“Hey, I demand respect!” Alexis snapped. “Meganium, get in there!” Meganium marched forwards, and the little Pidgey let out a gasp. Alexis was about to command her starter, but a more brilliant idea came into her mind. She pulled a Fast Ball out of her bag and threw it. The Pidgey was sucked inside, and the ball landed on the ground. Jericho stood up just as the ball emitted several sparks.

“Excellent!” Alexis said, and she reached into her bag once more. She pulled out a white envelope with a red and blue border, and matching paper. Quickly, Alexis wrote a letter, her hand and blue pen nearly a blur. Jericho tried to see what she was writing, but Alexis swatted him away with her free hand. When she completed, she put the letter inside the envelope, sealed it with a lick, and then grabbed her Fast Ball, releasing Pidgey in burgundy coloured energy.

“I want you to take this letter to Jericho’s grandparents, and then come and find me with their response.” Alexis said. “Which city do they live in?”

“A mansion in Celadon City.” Jericho said, confused. “It is really tall and green.”

“Pidge.” The Pidgey said, and grabbed the letter from Alexis’ hand and took off, flying high into the sky.

“Why are you sending my grandparents a letter?”

“I figured it would be easier to pinpoint them than your parents.” Alexis explained. “Hopefully you’ll get the answers you need.”

“Thanks.” Jericho grinned, and they began to walk again. Jericho reached into his pocket and pulled out the PokeBall he had used to catch Aquarius, his new Poliwag. “What Pokemon do you have?”

“Currently?” Alexis asked, and Jericho nodded. “Well, I have Meganium, Dewgong, Venomoth, Primeape, and now Pidgey.”

“You have a Primeape?” Jericho said. “I didn’t think you’d choose such a manly Pokemon!” Alexis gave him a look and whacked him on the shoulder.

“Don’t be so judgemental!” She said. “Besides, my Primeape is very pretty.” Jericho began to laugh, nearly doubling over. Alexis smirked, and decided not to hit him as he was now so happy. The wind suddenly picked up, causing Evelyn’s fur to stand on end, and their clothes began to flutter.

“We’re in New Bark Town alright.” Alexis sighed, holding her clothes to stop them flying up.

“Is it always this windy?” Jericho asked, and Alexis nodded. Evelyn and Meganium didn’t seem to be enjoying it, so the two trainers quickly brought them back. Jericho stared around at the quaint little town, comparing it towards the bustling city he lived in back in Kanto. The houses were mainly brown or green, and they all looked like they came from a storybook. There was a row of shops along the edge of the town, though the residents usually had to journey to Cherrygrove to get the luxuries. There were also a lot of metal poles scattered around, each with a propeller-like object on top, telling the residents the direction of the wind. The only building that stood out was a white one, standing at the top of the town. It was a low fence surrounding it, and a large staircase was on one side.

“That’s Professor Elm’s laboratory, it’s where I got my Chikorita from.” Alexis said, and she began to walk towards it.

“Shouldn’t we be heading towards the ferry terminal?” Jericho said.

“I need to check in with Elm first.” Alexis said, and she moved more quickly. Jericho sighed and rushed forwards. An old lady with a Persian waved to them, and Alexis waved back. Jericho thought it would be a nice town to live in, and remembered the time he and his family passed Pallet Town, and thought that the two were quite similar. Alexis ran up the steps, and opened the door to the lab without knocking. Jericho followed her inside, and was surprised by what he saw.

All the scientists inside were rushing around, or where yelling at their computers or into phones. A number of machines and computer screens along the walls were bleeping loudly, and scientists tapped buttons as they passed, pulling pages out of printers and scribbling onto notepads. Alexis seemed shocked by this, and ran forwards to a balding man in glasses at the front of the room.

“Professor Elm, what is going on?” The man cried out and dropped the papers he was examining.

“Oh Alexis, it’s you.” He said. “So sorry, I don’t really have time to chat.”

“I can see that.” Alexis said, staring at all the scientists. Jericho was looking confused very confused and frightened, so Alexis walked back over to him. “Professor Elm, this is Jericho. Jericho, this is Professor Elm.”

“Hello.” Jericho said.

“Lovely to meet you.” Professor Elm said, and then snatched up a phone on the desk behind him, answering it before Jericho had even heard it ring. “Hello?... Oh, hello there…. What do you mean…. I thought so…. Haven’t you tried them your-…. Oh, yes, I see….. Alright then, if you require her. Goodbye.” Professor Elm than hung up and looked at Alexis, a very serious expression on his face.

“Was it them?” Alexis whispered.

“Yes, they need you in Ecruteak City straight away.” Professor Elm said. Alexis sighed and stamped her foot.

“What’s happening?” Jericho asked. Alexis looked down at him, changing her angry expression to a softer, kinder one.

“I have a special job to do.” She said. “I’ll take you down to the ferry terminal, than I’ll do the job as fast as possible and meet up with you later.”

“Oh, ok.” Jericho said, sniffing slightly.

“I am really sorry, but this is something I have to do.” Alexis said.

“I could lend you a Pokemon.” Professor Elm said.

“No, I have three.” Jericho said, and Professor Elm nodded.

“Actually…” Alexis said. She walked over towards a glass cabinet on the wall. She opened the doors and began to pick up a variety of spray bottles, tossing them into a plastic bag. Alexis then pulled a mixture of Poke, Great and Ultra Balls from her pockets, and added them to the mix.

“These are all the essentials you’ll need for a long trip.” Alexis explained. “I promise I’ll find you after I’ve done this.”

“I believe you.” Jericho said, but he still felt hurt. Alexis smiled, and wrapped an arm around his shoulder and lead him out of the lab.

“Be quick!” Professor Elm called, though the door had already closed.

***

It was a short walk down to the Ferry Terminal, as Alexis knew a shortcut. She said farewell to him, and headed back towards the lab. The wind wasn’t as strong here, but the sea seemed to be acting up. Evelyn, who Jericho had sent back out, hid behind her trainer, not wanting to get close to the waves. Jericho examined the small blue and white building, tucked away in the corner of the rocks. He knew the building could have his answers, and built up the courage to walk in.

The doors slided aside, and he found himself inside a room of blue paint and carpet, with several rows of seats, a reception desk, and doors leading towards the ferry and the offices.

“Jericho, Jericho Athlew?” The old lady behind the desk said. “Your parents left a photo of you, they said you might show up.”

“Have you heard anything about the ferry?” Jericho said excitedly. “Has it reached Vermillion yet?”

“It is going to dock in about half an hour.” The woman replied. “I can call the Vermillion Dock, and your parents can wait for you.”

“Don’t you have another ferry?” Jericho said, disappointed. The old lady gave him a sympathetic look, making her wrinkles twisted together.

“No dear, I am so sorry. Why don’t you take a seat? I have some magazines you can read, and some mints as well.” And she placed several trainer magazines and a box of Mt Moon Magic Mints on the counter. Jericho picked them up, and went to sit down, but realised that he couldn’t just sit down. He hadn’t walk all the way to a strange new town, just to sit down. What if the ferry got delayed, or there weren’t any seats left? In his rage, Jericho forgot the magazines weren’t his and loaded them into his bag, then stood up and stormed out.

“Jericho!” The old lady cried. A burly sailor walked towards him, looking very serious.

“Now sonny, why don’t you sit back down?” He said.

“Flare!” Evelyn cried, and fired a Fire Spin. A pot plant in the corner burst into flames, and Jericho and Evelyn ran out in the confusion.

“You have to go back inside your PokeBall sorry.” Jericho said.

“Flare.” Evelyn said, and Jericho quickly swapped her for Aquarius.

“Poli Poli!” Aquarius said, his tiny mouth as wide as possible in a broad smile.

“I know we didn’t get to practice much with Surf, but I really need you to take me towards Kanto.” Jericho said. Aquarius nodded, and the two found themselves at the end of the route. Jericho heard footsteps, and turned to see the sailor running, a look of rage on his face.

“Surf, quickly!” Jericho squealed. Aquarius had already jumped in, and Jericho leapt on. The blue tadpole bobbed under the water for a second, but regained his composure. Jericho grinned, and Poliwag pushed off with his tail. The sailor went to follow them, but gave up, figuring there was no point. Jericho turned slightly and watched him walk off. He then examined his blue backpack: inside, there were the supplies from Alexis, his book, the clothes he had worn yesterday, and the items from the ferry terminal. Jericho decided to keep his bag in front of him, as he couldn’t let anything get wet. He rested it on Poliwag’s temple, and lowered his body into the water. The water was warm, and the sun was making it crystal clear. Jericho looked down into the waters, and watched in awe at all the Pokemon surrounding him. A massive school of Goldeen and Seaking passed underneath him, their white, red and black scales making them stick out. Several purple Shellder floated by, clamping to their mother Cloyster, who eyed Jericho suspiciously through her purple shell. As Jericho looked further into the water, he was certain he saw yellow lights moving at the bottom of the ocean, but there were too far to tell.

“You know what Aquarius, I think I could get use to this lifestyle.” Jericho grinned, waving to a happy Seel coming up for air. The smooth waters and warm sun were making all his problems disappear, and he was forgetting all about his family, getting home, and what Alexis was up to. All he could think about was the water….
That soon changed….

Unbeknownst to Jericho, there was a big problem affecting Johto and Kanto at the moment. There were two huge storms rising, both threatening to eliminate Johto, and the destruction would then pass onto Kanto, then the Sevii Islands, Hoenn, Sinnoh, every region could be annihilated. Alexis, being a secondary Dex Holder, was involved, and would have to assist in stopping the problem. This would involve capturing or defeating the two of the most powerful legendary Pokemon: Ho-Oh and Lugia. It could take hours, it could take days, even a week if they get lose. But it could take only a few minutes, depending on the intensity of the battle. But the storms would keep brewing, and when the two were summoned in a half hours time, the storm would be unleashed, and anyone on open land could be killed.

Jericho knew none of this. There were only two things he currently understood: the weather was turning nasty, and all the Pokemon around him weren’t in the best of moods. As the clouds darkened and the winds picked up, many more Pokemon began to appear on the surface. Seels dived in and out of the sea, several schools of Goldeen and Seaking rushed past, Magikarp tried to reach the surface, but their fins weren’t powerful enough to get them up to the top, with the waves forcing those with enough strength back under.
Jericho was clinging to Aquarius and his bag like Velcro. His Poliwag was doing his best, but the waves were increasing in height, and there hadn’t been enough time to learn how to master Surf properly.

“Maybe we should head towards the rocks over there, wait for this to die down.” Jericho yelled over the whistling wind.

“Poli!” Aquarius called, and began to steer towards the rocks. But before they could reach there, a Golduck rushed past, skidded along the water like he was ice skating. A webbed foot knocked Aquarius backwards, and he nearly rolled over. Jericho’s upper body dunked into the water, and he cried out. His scarred face touched the water edge, but Aquarius managed to get upright.

“That was too close.” Jericho said, and kicked his feet to help him straighten himself. “But I think that we should have waited for a-”

“Tenta.” Jericho paused, as a low, wicked noise was emitted behind him.

“Tenta.” The voice said again. Jericho looked behind, wondering what was making this sound, but Aquarius seemed to be speeding up, his face fill of worry.

“What is it?” Jericho said. He looked back again, but paused as he felt something wrap around his legs.

“Tenta.” The voice was much closer this time, and Jericho looked down into the water. A blue jellyfish had wrapped its grey tentacles around his legs, glaring at Jericho with a wicked face below its giant red jewel.

“Tentacool Tenta.” It said, and Jericho watched as similar Pokemon emerged from the waters, all looking just as angry. Jericho presumed he had kicked the one wrapped around his legs, and it seemed to be calling it’s friends. There was a crackle of thunder over head, and then it began to rain. Jericho’s orange and yellow hair was soaked, and his skin began to shiver. Tentacool backed off slightly; looking like it was prepared to fire attack. Poliwag used the opportunity to speed forwards, splashing his tail to send water backwards.

“Faster, faster!” Jericho yelled. The Tentacool were racing after, and more and more were rising from the waters. A Cloyster sidled along the sides, being careful not to touch the mass of jellyfish.

“We may have to attack!” Jericho said.

“Poliwag Poli Poli!” Aquarius whimpered. Jericho looked back, and saw the Tentacool had stopped following. He grinned, and was about to yell out with glee, but the water in front of them suddenly parted. A jellyfish rose out of the waters, but it looked ten times the size of Aquarius, the Tentacool, even Jericho. The Tentacruel had a giant, sharp nose, two large red jewels, and an even nastier face.

“Ten-Ta-CRUEL!” He bellowed, and fired out a dozen long, slimy tentacles. One went for the bag, several went for Aquarius, the rest went for Jericho. He pulled his bag out of harms way, and used it to bat away some of the others.

“Poli!” Aquarius said, and fired a Water Gun. Tentacruel was pushed backwards slightly, but the giant jellyfish didn’t back down, and instead waved more of his tentacles. Jericho whacked them back again, but as he raised his arm again, three tentacles wrapped around it. He turned, and saw the Tentacool had approached, having stayed back to wait for their leader. Three Tentacool were wrapped around him, and seven more were closing in. The tentacles wrapped around his other arm, his legs, even around his abdomen.

“Let me go, get off me!” Jericho snarled, but as he tried to push one away, his hand slipped away: the Tentacool were too slimy, and his hands were wet with rain. Jericho tried to speak, wishing to call out to Aquarius, but a tentacle was now wrapped around his mouth. Jericho clutched his bag to his chest, not wanting to let the Tentacool have it. But by doing this, he had sacrificed the use of his arms, and the Tentacool began to drag him underwater. Jericho’s last view was off Aquarius attempting to battle the Tentacruel and numerous Tentacool, firing Water Gun, Surf, DoubleSlap and Hypnosis attacks at each of them.

“Aqua-” Jericho managed to say, before his whole body was pulled under. All Jericho could see now was darkness, and he could hear the eerie sound of underwater life, and the splashing of the Tentacool dragging him under. Jericho’s chest was screaming, demanding him to breathe in. Jericho shut his eyes, and tried shaking the Tentacool off. But he was slowly slipping away, and a bright, glowing light was shining.

This is it, I’m dead. Jericho thought sadly. I’ve drowned, and this must be the light at the end of the tunnel. Jericho waited, not daring to open his eyes and stare directly into heaven. He wanted to savour the moment, but this seemed to be forbidden: a hand had grabbed his arm, and Jericho was pulled upwards, being forced into the afterlife…

Jericho’s head broke through the surface of Route 27, and he took a deep breath in.

“I’m alive!” He cried, and looked around. It was raining heavier than ever, and the wind whistled around him. The fist was still holding on, and Jericho looked down and saw that the white gloved hand was connected to a Poliwhirl.

“A-A-A-Aqua-qua-quarius?” Jericho stuttered, shivering from the cold. The Poliwhirl nodded, and put Jericho over his back. Jericho could see numerous Tentacool floating away, obviously unconscious. His joy was short lived, as the Tentacruel still loomed overhead, more enraged about its fallen comrades.

“TENTA!” He yelled, and charged.

“Poli!” Aquarius said, in a much deeper voice. He jumped out of the water, Jericho clinging on for dear life, and then initiated a DoubleSlap. Tentacruel’s tentacles were whacked aside, and Aquarius delivered a mighty slap, right to the red jewel. Tentacruel roared with fury, before tipping sideways and draping over the rocks alongside.

“You did it, you did it!” Jericho yelled, grinning happily.

“Poli.” Aquarius said, and landed on the waves, and quickly began to swim forwards. Jericho clung onto his bag, realising that most of his stuff was probably ruined. That wasn’t important now though: he had to focus on getting to dry land. Jericho looked around, hoping to see some patches of green or brown. But the rain had created a curtain that enclosed them on all sides.

“Aquarius, can you see any land?” Jericho asked. As he spoke, something unbelievable happened.

High above them, the rain clouds turned from steely grey to a bright, blinding white. The rain around them froze, and the wind ceased. Jericho looked around, wondering what was happening, and saw that Aquarius looked petrified. But in the distance, Jericho saw green, and he grinned broadly.

“There’s some land over there!” He announced, but Aquarius didn’t respond. He knew what the source of the light was, as did ever other Pokemon in Johto, and possibly Kanto, Hoenn and Sinnoh.

Lugia and Ho-Oh had been summoned, and now their storms were beginning.

The white light disappeared, but the clouds were lit up as lightning was cast from the skies, blasting trees in the distance. The wind and rain picked up, and the rain drove into Jericho like bullets, and the wind was making the waters rise up. Aquarius was struck, and tossed metres into the sky. Jericho watched as giant whirlpools began to form, but thankfully, Aquarius landed further away.

“What are we going to do?” Jericho yelled.

“Poliwhirl Poli Poli POLI!” Aquarius yelled, and the water beneath them began to rise up. Jericho was worried, but Aquarius was in complete control of the Surf, and positioned it right up to a wooden bridge, part of which was on fire. The two jumped onto the bridge, and then ran as fast as possible towards the safe end. The bridge creaked as they ran, and Jericho wrapped an arm around Aquarius.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be safe.” Jericho said. But due to the heavy rain, neither of them realised that one of the trees struck by lightning had fallen, blown by the wind. Both of them smashed into what remained of the trunk. Aquarius bounced backwards, spun around and collapsed. Jericho had developed another bruise on his head, but rushed over towards his Pokemon. He moved only a few metres before his legs gave way, and he collapsed, lying over his bag and Pokemon, the exhaustion of the days adventures finally catching up to him.

***

As the first ray of sunlight appeared through the clouds, Jericho let out a soft groan and slowly got up. Aquarius was still asleep, and Jericho’s stomach hurt slightly as he had slept on his bag. But the ten year old was more interested in what was around him. The storm seemed to have subsided, but the damage was definitely there. Branches and leaves covered the ground, while the trees themselves were either lying with them or standing charred amongst the survivors. The bridge Jericho had crossed briefly the night before had disappeared, and there had been a landslide on the other side, the brown mud piled up in the water. Jericho walked as far forwards as he could, and saw a herd of Ponyta trotting towards a staircase, sniffing at the ground as they did. There were several strangled cries, and a Dodrio ran up the stairs, all three heads yelling at the surrounding are.

“Pol…” Jericho turned, and saw Aquarius was up, but he looked very weak.

“I’ll get a Potion, don’t move!” Jericho said. He picked up his bag, and water dripped out from the bottom. He cursed and opened up, and saw everything was soaked: his clothes, his paperback, his watch, and the magazines. But the plastic bag had kept the Pokemon items and PokeBall’s dry, so Jericho sent Evelyn and Kashin out, and then grabbed a pink bottle and sprayed Aquarius. The Poliwhirl quickly healed, and stood to attention with his team mates. Jericho stared at them all, and remembered when he used to play army with his friends, and could see himself as a general, with his Pokemon as his soldiers.

“Ok team, there is a staircase over there. I think it leads towards Kanto, so why don’t we head that way?” Jericho said.

“Flare.”

“Phan.”

“Poli.” The Pokemon said, and Jericho beamed.

“Ok then, let’s go!” He said, and picked up his bag. The four began to walk, stepping over the broken branches and passing all the edges, avoiding the fallen trees. If there was a big enough blockage, Evelyn would fire an Ember to blast aside some of the trees. There weren’t very many Pokemon around, as most of the long grass had been damaged destroyed by lightning based fires. Jericho’s team had been walking for about ten minutes when they came across a tall oak tree, taking up the entire path.

“Ok Evelyn, use Ember.” Jericho said.

“Flare Flare.” Evelyn said, and spat the ball of flame. The middle of the tree burst into flames, and Aquarius put it out with Water Gun. Jericho went to walk forwards, but he had barely moved a step before something purple shot out of the tree trunk, but was irritated to see that the fire had only burnt part of it.

“Ok, let’s go again!” Jericho ordered.

“Phanpy Phan.” Kashin said, taking a step forwards before Evelyn could move.

“Do you want to help?’ Jericho asked. Kashin nodded, and Jericho grinned. “Alright then, use Rollout!” Kashin curled up into a ball, and then rolled forwards and smashed into the tree. Jericho was surprised by the force, and the tree began to roll forwards. Kashin kept pushing it, and the tree suddenly took off, rolling downward towards a patch of long grass.

“Stop it!” Jericho yelled, and he raced after the runaway tree. Evelyn fired Ember attacks, while trying to catch up with Quick Attack. Aquarius sent out a Water Gun, hitting the tree on the side. The tree began to roll towards the left, and skimmed over the long grass before one of the Ember attacks caused it to burst into flames.

“Phew, that was close!” Jericho said. Kashin looked a bit embarrassed, but Jericho patted her on the head, and they watched as fire died down, leaving only parts of the tree unscathed.

“Now that that’s over, let’s go before anything else happens.” Jericho smiled, and took the first step into the grass. The others had barely moved before there was a hissing sound. Jericho looked around just as a thick, purple tail knocked him backwards. He landed on his scab, and moaned with pain as he looked up. A purple cobra was looming over him, hissing at him with her long, forked tongue. The scales around her expanded ribcage formed a distorted face, and there was a long mark across her tail.

“Ar-bok-bok!” Arbok hissed, and stared towards the tree. Jericho looked at the remains, and suddenly realised the connection.

“Did the tree hit you?” Jericho asked.

“Ar.” The Arbok hissed. Jericho stood up, preparing to apologise, but the Arbok leapt forwards.

“Poli!” Aquarius cried, and blasted the snake with a Water Gun. Arbok tumbled over herself, but regained her composure and fired an Acid. Aquarius was sent crashing backwards, the Acid seeping inside his body and poisoning him.

“We don’t want any trouble!” Jericho said, rushing forwards with an Antidote. But Arbok glared at him and hissed again, and then stretched her body out to block the way. Jericho looked over at his Pokemon, who had reached the same realisation as him: they would have to battle to get past. Jericho sprayed Aquarius with the Antidote, and he walked over to recover.

“Kashin, Slam!” Jericho yelled. Kashin enthusiastically ran forwards, before jumping up and heading for Arbok. But she opened her mouth wide, and Jericho was afraid she’d swallow him whole. Instead, Arbok clamped down around Kashin’s middle, tramping him in a tight Crunch.

“Quick, use Rollout to free yourself!” Jericho yelled.

“Phan…PY!” Kashin said, as she curled up and spun, forcing Arbok to release her. The snake glowed a soft white, and seemed to suck in energy.

“I don’t know what attack that is, but keep up the Rollout!” Jericho ordered. Kashin continued to roll forwards, and Jericho watched the blue blur smash into Arbok.

“Ar!” She hissed, before absorbing more energy in. Kashin landed on her head, and the Rollout was forced to stop.

“Use Take Down, quickly.” Jericho cried. Kashin ran forwards, her body slightly glowing white, and then hit Arbok, causing both Pokemon to fly backwards. Arbok didn’t even register, and glowed white again. Her body was now glowing white as well, and she was itching for her next attack. However, Kashin was more interested in a yellow Sitrus Berry lying on the ground. Jericho looked at it and gasped.

“That’s it, use Natural Gift!” Jericho yelled.

“Phanpy Phan!” Kashin said happily, and swallowed the berry. She then threw a ball of pink energy towards Arbok. The snake dodged, and then a white ball formed in her mouth. Jericho had not seen the effects of Stockpile and Spit Up before, and was stunned as Arbok released a beam of white energy so powerful; it caused Evelyn and Aquarius to be blasted aside as well. Kashin was picked up and sent flying into Jericho, and the two crashed into the ground. Jericho felt like he had been hit with a ton of bricks, and looked down at Kashin, who was unconscious. Jericho carried her back, and grabbed his bag and pulled out her PokeBall.

“Evelyn, take over with Ember.”

“Flare!” Evelyn said, and fired a ball of fire. Arbok was hit square in the face, and she hissed with rage.

“ARBOK AR!” She yelled, and quickly absorbed in more white energy.

“We can’t let her use that again, use Bi- wait, no, use Ember again!” Jericho said. He was tired, sore and cold, and couldn’t think of which attacks to use. Evelyn was now equally confused, as she had already begun to Bite. Her mouth now filled with fire, and she clamped it down on Arbok.

“Ar!” The cobra said, and absorbed more energy in.

“Quick Attack.” Jericho said, and he quickly brought Aquarius back as well, as he was looking very ill.

“Flare.” Evelyn said, and charged at Arbok, who fell backwards but still Stockpiled.

“Evelyn, you have to be very careful, and try and dodge the white energy.” Jericho said. “Use Ember and then we’ll both run.” Evelyn nodded, and turned to face Arbok. The two stared at each other for about a minute, and the soft wind seemed to halt, leaving the scene eerily quiet. Than, Evelyn fired the Ember and tackled Jericho, as Arbok opened her jaw and released the powerful attack. It collided with the Ember, and a huge explosion was caused. Jericho and his bag were blasted away from Evelyn, and he rolled on the ground, his face hurting and his popped ears aching. He looked up and saw Arbok racing forwards. Worried, Jericho reached into his bag, hoping to grab something to throw at it. A small black and yellow ball came out, and he threw it at Arbok. She made one final hiss, before turning in to energy and being sucked inside. Jericho gasped, and stood slowly up as Evelyn walked forwards, limping slightly, and they stared at the Ultra Ball, waiting for it to stop moving…

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 3

Claimed for Grading.

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 3

Introduction:

Much of the same thing that applied in my previous Grade applies here; I really liked the introduction and it was very well-written, but it also lacked a strong hook to keep the reader interested. Granted, getting the setting together at first will keep the majority of your readers interested, but you'll want to try to include something suspenseful or action-oriented in order to truly seal the deal.

I'll get into that more in the details section; other than that, I thought that the introduction was good.

Plot:
En route to New Bark Town, Alexis catches a Pidgey, and uses it to send a letter to Jericho's grandparents so that they know where he is. When they finally reach the town, Alexis is called away on an errand unknown to Jericho, and Jericho is forced to go to the ferry alone. He finds that he has to wait until the ferry that his family was on returns in order to get back to Kanto, which doesn't sit well with him; he storms out of the place, evading the sailor that follows him and Surfing across the water to Route 27. The weather soon takes a turn for the worse, and Jericho is besieged by wild Tentacool and Tentacruel. His Poliwag evolves and manages to drag him to safety just as the storm turns even more violent, and they collapse from exhaustion on the other side. When they wake up, debris is scattered all over the place, and Jericho must use his Pokemons' natural abilities to clear the way, which causes him to run into a very angry Arbok. He battles it and attempts to capture it out of desperation.

Although this does have the mold of "kid finds Pokemon, kid battles Pokemon, kid captures Pokemon", I like how you built on it with an outlying problem that caused Jericho to meet the Arbok. The plot with Alexis and the legendaries feels kind of disjointed from Jericho's story, though; it feels like, at this point, Jericho is simply a bystander in a potential world struggle that will be stopped by people he has met in his attempt to get home. If that's what you were going for, then that's fine, but in your future installments, if Jericho has some relevance to the struggle, you'll definitely want to elaborate on it.

Again, I'll get into it more in the details section.

Dialogue:
No complaints at all with the dialogue. You did a great job conveying the emotions that Jericho was experiencing during his journey through his dialogue, and his acts of frustration turned into anger about not being able to see his family felt natural and realistic.

Good job with this section.

Grammar:
Before I get into the big problem I saw with your story as far as grammar goes, I want to point something out to you about how to write dialogue. Let's use this sentence as an example:

What's the difference between these two lines? The verb modifier that you used in each sentence is different, so that modifies the way that you'd write the dialogue. If you're using an verb that would be equivalent to "said" and the line of dialogue ends in a period, you would end the quote with a comma, like so with the first one:

In the second quote, "grinned" is not equivalent to "said", since it isn't modifying the dialogue itself. In that case, you would end the dialogue with a period. Note that, if a line of dialogue ends in a question mark, an exclamation point, an ellipsis ("..."), or a semicolon, they would override the use of the comma no matter what modifier you used.

Now then, let's talk about the real problem I saw in this story: typos. There were a lot of them in here; while some wouldn't be obvious on a Word processor because they are actual words and the grammar portion of spell check isn't perfect, others were blatant errors in spelling or grammar.

I get the feeling that these errors came up because you finished this story fairly soon after I Graded part two. While this wouldn't be a problem for easier difficulties, lots of typos are kind of off-putting in higher difficulties, because it means that you didn't proofread your story enough.

My suggestion to remedy this is to always go through your story a couple of times before you post it, reading carefully to make sure that everything you wrote makes sense in context and isn't misspelled. This kind of careful checking is pretty much necessary in the higher difficulties, because allowing these small errors to accumulate turns them into a big problem.

I know that what I'm asking is not the most exciting activity in the world, but know that you don't need to get rid of all of the errors in order to eliminate this section in future Grades. It's only when there are a lot that it gets to be a problem. So don't worry about needing to get rid of all the errors, since a mistake is bound to pop up sooner or later, and we won't pounce on you for it if it isn't all that common.

Detail and Description:
Again, before the big thing that I noticed, I'd like to pose a quick question. The part when Alexis used a carrier Pidgey to get the message sent to Jericho's grandparents was brilliant, but it left me wondering, "how does a wild Pidgey living in Johto know where Celadon City is?" It was convenient, but perhaps too much so. It might have been better if Alexis actually owned this Pidgey, and it knew of Celadon because she had been there before, or she has family near there, so it flies there often. You can invent any excuse you want, but catching a wild one wasn't exactly the best way to go about this, in my opinion.

Now for the biggest thing: I saw that you said you planned on having Alexis be a major character in this, and that's all fine and good. However, your process of telling the readers about the cataclysm that was coming didn't sit right with me:

This section did too much telling and not enough showing. I thought that this could have been handled by cementing Alexis' role as a pivotal character in the story, and giving her an excerpt in the story where she arrives in Ecruteak/Cianwood and has to handle whichever legendary she was assigned. Through an excerpt like this, you could get more into her character and show the dire situation unfolding while still getting the point across that it's very bad for everyone, instead of simply telling the readers about it in a paragraph. Without that sort of excerpt in the story, it makes the characters feel disconnected from the problem that you've presented, which is a bit off-putting overall.

I'd highly recommend working on this in your future efforts, especially if you're looking to catch something more difficult next time around. Showing the reader the problem unfolding tends to get the point across much better than simply telling them straight-up, and it adds depth to the story. Those are both very good things to have in your story.

Battle:
No complaints here, either. Let's just hope that Jericho has enough items to heal up his Pokemon next time around...

Length:
Arbok is in the Hard category; the suggested length for Pokemon in this category is 20,000 to 30,000 characters. Your story is 30,709 characters, so that's more than enough.

Outcome:
Drum roll, please...

...

...Click!

Gotcha! Arbok was caught!

Be sure to keep all of my suggestions in mind for next time, and adjust your writing accordingly. I'm sure you'll have no problems with this, though, since you've been able to adjust according to all of the advice given so far.

Enjoy your catch!

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 3

Thanks for grading and approving. I will definitley take your comments into consideration, though I quickly wanted to say that Alexis is going to be playing a large role in another series of mine. I decided to include her in here to give Jericho a guide and mentor on his brief journey. Hoh-Oh and Lugia coming out plays a big role in the said series, and this shows more of how it affected the outside, adn I thought it would suit the idea I had of Jericho getting caught in a storm. I thought it would seem a bit odd when I was writing it, but in a few months (hopefully) it will make more sense. I will take the typo and detail parts into consideration when I write Part 4. Cheers again

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 3

Intended Capture: Tangela

Arthur Smith was your average security guard: short, greasy black hair, slightly chubby around the face and middle, and his fingers covered in various foods. And, as usual, he had his black booted feet on his desk, leaning back in his chair and flicking through an out-of-date car magazine. A box of donuts was on his lap, and he reached in and pulled out one with sprinkles. Arthur was one of the guards working at the Victory Road gatehouse. He had to make sure that only people with all the gym badges come past. He used to work at a more extravagant hall, with flash carpet and fountains, right near a beautiful stream. But even though the new gatehouse only had a couple of pot plants and disgusting purple carpet, Arthur was glad that he got to sit down. The laptop at the other end of the desk flashed, as the security system was activated. Arthur put his feet down and shuffled his seat forwards, staring towards the glass doors. He hadn’t expected anyone to come through after the storm the previous night, but yet a young boy was walking through, soaked to the skin and walking with the air that he didn’t want to be noticed.

“Hello there son, what brings you to these parts?” Arthur said warmly. Jericho froze and looked up, his eyes wide with shock at this man’s appearance.
After catching Arbok, who was now named Arabella, Jericho had walked briskly the rest of the route. He was too tired from his dramas in the storm, and was dying for a rest, but finding his parents was more important. The only trouble was that, without Alexis’ help, Jericho didn’t know where to go, where he was, or what he should do next.
“Um…” Was all Jericho could muster, as he examined his surroundings. There were several signs on the walls. One, pointing to the left, said Mt Silver, whilst another, this time pointing to the right, said Kanto. Jericho’s face lit up like a lantern, and he instinctively began to walk towards it. However, something black was preventing him from walking forwards. Jericho turned and saw that the guard was holding a baton out, stopping him from walking forwards.

“Sonny, I asked to see your badge case.” The guard said, trying to sound friendly, but Jericho cold tell he was angry about being defied.

“Badge case?” Jericho said, sounding confused. Then he remembered the metal cases he had seen on TV, where trainers kept the badges they have collected from the gyms. “Oh, badge case, yeah, I have one of those.” And he put his ragged yellow bag onto the counter, and began to ruffle through his items. Arthur was a bit confused, and he leant over, trying to see what was happening. Jericho pulled the magazines he had stolen from the ferry terminal, and a plan suddenly formed in his mind. The red headed boy knocked the magazines to the ground, right at the guard’s feet.

“Oh darn, could you pick them up for me please?” Jericho said, pulling a sad face. Arthur growled and bent down, and didn’t notice as Jericho threw an Ultra Ball across the carpet. Arabella burst out, and looked at Jericho for direction.

“To the right, quickly!” Jericho yelled, as he began to sprint forwards.

“OI!” Arthur yelled, as he jabbed a button under his desk. A red light began to flash, and a siren wailed loudly right near Jericho’s ear.

“Ar!” Arbok hissed.

“Use Sludge Bomb on the glass, quickly!” Jericho shouted, as he continued to run. However, his trainers were wet and slippery from all the rain, and Jericho slipped and landed painfully onto his back. Arabella opened her mouth to fire the attack, but was suddenly sent flying into the opposite wall. A Kadabra ran forwards as Jericho brought Arabella back. Arthur ran behind his Pokemon and scowled down at Jericho.

“Please… I just want to find my parents.” Jericho said, tears beginning to stream down his face. “Please, let me go.” But Arthur wasn’t having a bar of it.

“Take him to Goldenrod.” The guard commanded. Kadabra nodded and walked forwards. He grabbed Jericho’s arm, and there was a flash of white light, and Jericho felt himself becoming almost weightless as he was sucked into the blinding light.

***

Goldenrod City was a busy, bustling place. It contained numerous famous places, from the Global Trading Station, to the Goldenrod Radio Tower. The Johto Magnet Train Station, and the tall and dominating Department Store. Jericho had spent several days here during his families holiday. His mother and Beth had spent most of their time in the wide Underground or searching through the Department Store, while his father had practically been glued to the Game Corner. Jericho had been left to do whatever he wanted, and he and Evelyn had explored various aspects of the city. However, Jericho hadn’t come across the tiny police station near the Magnet Train station. This police force dealt with people who had snuck onboard the magnet train, along with any other immigrants into the region. Kadabra had brought Jericho right outside the front doors, and began marching him up the front steps. Jericho got increasingly nervous with every step, as he stared at blue building. What if he got arrested and thrown in jail? How would his parents know to find him? Would they take away all of his Pokemon? But Jericho forgot everything as Kadabra opened the door, and pushed Jericho inside the tiny waiting room. There was a row of hard plastic seats facing towards a reception desk. There was only a man with dirty black trench coat at the seats, scribbling on a form. An aged man wearing a blue uniform sat at the desk, and looked up at Jericho.

“You must be the boy from the Victory Road gatehouse.” He said. “I just received a call from the guard. We don’t appreciate misbehaving kids like you.”

“I know, I am really sorry, but I am just trying to get to Kanto to see my parents.” Jericho said. There was a white flash behind him, and he turned to see Kadabra disappear.

“Arthur mentioned that you had said that.” The policeman said. “However, you haven’t been registered as a runaway, so how do I know you’re not lying?” Jericho let out a groan, but this only annoyed the policeman more, and he stood up, towering over Jericho. “Don’t get snappy with me, sonny! Now start telling me the truth, otherwise you are going to be in serious trouble!”

“But I am telling you the truth!” Jericho said.

“That’s it, I am going to get the head inspector. Maybe he can get the truth out of you.” The policeman said, and he turned and walked through a door behind him. Jericho waited until he had closed the door, before turning and sprinting out of the office. The man in the trench coat looked at him, but didn’t bother chasing after. Jericho nearly collided with a businessman as he ran out of the office. He quickly apologised, before thinking of where to go first. If the policeman caught up with him, Jericho had no chance of defending himself, as two of his Pokemon were out for the count, and Evelyn and Arabella were both very weak. Jericho decided it would be safest to head for the Pokemon Centre. He remembered the way to go, as it was close to the Game Corner, and quickly began to sprint towards there, hoping the cops wouldn’t think to look there.

***

Half an hour later, Jericho was sitting curled up on a squishy blue sofa, his head resting on his bag. He was dreaming on his families’ mansion back in Celadon City, and all the times he used to play in the roof top garden with Evelyn. Back when things were much simpler…

“Excuse me Jericho, but I have healed all of your Pokemon.” Jericho awoke from his dream world, and looked up at the nurse standing over him. She had three PokeBalls and one Ultra Ball in her hands, and was holding them out for him.

“Oh, thanks a bunch.” Jericho said, as he failed to stifle a yawn. “Are they alright now?”

“They are fine, though they were very exhausted.” The nurse said. “I wouldn’t push them too far next time.”

“I won’t.” Jericho said, beaming. He grabbed his Pokemon back and put them inside his bag. As he stood up, he looked at the couch and realised his wet clothing had left a stain. The nurse didn’t mind though, and she waved him goodbye. Jericho felt much more energized after the sleep, and was very pleased his Pokemon were back to full health. Feeling much more confident, Jericho walked out of the Pokemon Centre and thought of where to go next. He had completely forgotten that he was wanted by the Immigration Police, until he saw two men in blue point and shout at him.

“Bugger.” Jericho snapped, and he began to run. Thankfully, due to his time spent wandering through the city, he knew of several helpful shortcuts. He ran along the orange and yellow road between the Pokemon Centre and Game Corner, and gained considerable speed against the policeman, mainly due to him being very thin and light, compared to their pot bellies. Jericho’s shoes pounded the ground, as he looked around for a small white building. He saw the wooden structure nearby, along with a sign saying “Goldenrod Underground- South Entrance.” There was no door, so Jericho just ran in, sprinted across the white tiles and ran down the steps, jumping the last three. Jericho could hear more shouts from above, so he decided it would be best to keep going. He nearly knocked aside a woman as he sent out
Evelyn and Kashin.

“Kashin, clear the way with Rollout. Evelyn, you stay with me in case things get rough.” Jericho said.

“Phan Phan!” Phanpy said happily, and turned into a ball and raced ahead. Evelyn began to run alongside Jericho, just as the policeman appeared behind them.

“Growlithe, stop them!” One of the guards yelled, and threw a PokeBall. It burst open and a Growlithe formed. He began to chase after them, and Jericho cursed as they were only a few metres away from the other staircase.

“Flare Eon Eon?” Evelyn asked, turning to fight. But before Jericho could reply, Kashin rolled past them at an alarming speed.

“Growl…” The Growlithe said, coming to a halt.

“PHAAAAAANNNNNN!” Kashin cried, and smashed into Growlithe. The force of impact combined with the speed sent Growlithe flying into a herb stall. Phanpy came to a halt at Jericho’s feet.

“Phan.” She said, before glowing white.

“She’s evolving!” Jericho gasped. Kashin began to triple in size, with her trunk extending, and tusks beginning to protrude from either side. As the white light died down, Kashin was revealed a Donphan, with a brilliant grey and black hide.

“Wow, you look so strong.” Jericho said, and looked directly into her eyes.

“Don.” Kashin said merrily. Evelyn smiled happily, but the celebration died down as the guards continued to run towards them. Jericho headed for the steps, the others following behind.

“Evelyn, use Fire Spin, and Kashin use… um… have you learnt any new moves?” Jericho said. Kashin nodded, and she jumped into the air, before landing and releasing a Magnitude 6. Jericho fell over, but thankfully the guards did as well. Evelyn turned and fired the lasso of flames, which quickly wrapped around them, trapping them inside the inferno.

“We need to get out of Goldenrod, now!” Jericho said, as he stood up and sped up the stairs. Dozens of people watched them go, and a stall owner was calling the police on his PokeGear. Jericho and his team quickly ran out of the other entrance, and found themselves behind the radio tower and train station. A large purple tent was next to them, and another gate house was nearby.

“Run, quickly!” Jericho said, as he sprinted towards the brown and green structure. Kashin was lagging behind, and Jericho turned to check on her when he saw four guards racing towards him by foot.

“Kashin, I’ll bring you back so they won’t catch up to you.” Jericho said, and whipped out her PokeBall and brought his elephant back. He and Evelyn ran through the gate house, ignoring the cries of shock from the guard, and racing onto Route 35.

“We need to get to a place where they can’t get us.” Jericho panted, as he searched frantically around. All he could see was a Yanma, buzzing towards the trees to rest.

“Flareon Fla Eon!” Evelyn cried, and signalled towards an area of land past a stretch of water. Jericho nodded, and made towards it.

“Aquarius, I need to get across!” He yelled, and threw out another PokeBall. His Poliwhirl formed on the water’s surface, waiting for Jericho to get on his back.

“I’ll let you back out in minute Evelyn.” Jericho said, and pulled out a different PokeBall. Suddenly, there was squawk from above: the guards had sent out several Fearows, and they were heading straight for Jericho and his team.

“BubbleBeam and Quick Attack!” Jericho shouted.

“FEAR!” The Fearows cried, and they began to spin, preparing for Drill Peck. Jericho covered his face, fearing the worst, when there was a flash of blue energy, causing the Fearows to stop. Everyone looked into the lake, where a Dewgong had formed.

“Dew.” She said, and fired an Ice Beam from her horn. One of the Fearows froze instantly, turning into a giant block of ice. As Dewgong fired another Ice Beam, Evelyn Quick Attacked a different Fearow, but only knocked her backwards slightly.

“Fearow Ow!” She said, and hit Evelyn with a wing. The guards were getting closer, and one was pulling something out of his pocket. Jericho feared a gun, but his worries were ceased as a Meganium suddenly formed in front of them.

“MEGA!” She screamed, and fired a powerful Solarbeam. The blast of energy sent the guards flying, and distracted the Fearows, allowing Dewgong to fire two more devastating Ice Beams. The Fearows all collapsed onto the ground, as Meganium ran over.

“What is going on?” Jericho said, looking around for his guardian angel.

“Up here!” Jericho stared to the skies, and saw a Pidgeotto flying down towards him, and on her back was….

“ALEXIS!” Jericho yelled joyously, and he ran forwards as the pigeon landed. Alexis jumped off and hugged him. The two stayed in the embrace for a minute, before parting and examining each other. Alexis had a black eye, and there was dried blood on her cheek and two of her fingers were taped together.

“What happened to you?” Jericho gasped, staring at her injuries.

“There’s no time to explain now.” Alexis said. “Bring your Pokemon back, I’ll take you to Mahogany Town.” And she climbed back onto Pidgeotto, while bringing back Meganium and Dewgong. Jericho brought back Evelyn and Aquarius, and Pidgeotto flew into the air and picked him up by her claws. Then, she flapped her wings and took the two trainers off into the sky.

***

It took ten minutes for Pidgeotto to make the trip to the small northern town. The wind made it impossible for Jericho and Alexis to have a proper conversation, and it was absolutely freezing. Jericho hoped that there would be some warm clothes when they landed. He and his family had passed briefly through the town, as there had recently been a big crime bust, but the police had packed up and cleared out, allowing the town to return to it’s usual quiet nature. Pidgeotto began to descend, and Jericho began to make out only about two dozen houses and buildings, plus the local gym and Pokemon Centre. Pidgeotto stopped a few feet about the ground, allowing Jericho to be placed softly down, before Alexis jumped off and patted her Pokemon.

“Is that the same Pidgey you caught yesterday morning?” Jericho said, astounded.

“Yep. I know it was pretty quick for her to level up, but I got caught up in a number of battles in Ecruteak last night.” Alexis said, bringing Pidgeotto back.

“Is that where you got all those injuries from?” Jericho said. “Did this have anything to do with that huge storm?” Alexis was looking a bit nervous, but she suddenly remembered something and pulled a piece of paper out of her bag.

“Here, the reply from your grandparents.” She said. Jericho’s face lit up with delight: this was bound to answer all of his questions.

Dear Jericho

Hello darling, I hope you are doing well. I am sorry to say your grandfather isn’t. While on a trek up Mt Silver, the Pokemon he was trying to catch knocked him over, and fell down a cliff. Thankfully, his Snorlax was able to cushion his fall, but he sustained a broken leg and has strained his back. Your mother was very distressed, mainly due to your disappearance, and it was decided that she and Beth would come home, while your father would head back to Blackthorn and look for you. He hasn’t found you, though the ferry terminal said you had been and gone. He is heading back to Kanto, and hopefully you are too. If not, please call us, we are all very concerned.

Love,
Grandma.

PS. Make sure you thank your friend for sending the letter. Her Pidgey is just darling.[/​

I]


Jericho finished reading, and folding the letter up, a tear streaking down his face.

“I am so sorry about your grandfather.” Alexis said. Jericho shook his head, causing his tears to fly. Alexis pulled him into a hug, but Jericho didn’t respond.

“It is lucky that I found you so quickly. I was walking towards Goldenrod anyway, but then I heard on the radio that the police were looking for a boy like you.” Alexis explained. “I hoped right on Pidgeotto and flew down, and saw you just as the Fearows were sent out.”

“Thanks for helping me.” Jericho said, his voice a bit croaky. Alexis let him go, and turned around towards the gym.

“I’d hate to leave you again, but I haven’t been able to battle Pryce yet.” She said. “Would you mind if I went in and battled him?”

“What, of course not!” Jericho said, wiping away his tears. “I might go and explore the routes a little bit.” Alexis smiled, bade him farewell for now, and rushed towards the Pokemon Centre to recuperate. Jericho watched her run off, before heading to the right of the town. Ahead, he could see a number of beautiful trees and long grass, and decided to go and investigate. As soon as Jericho stepped out of the small town, he saw a group of Aipom bouncing down the route on their tails. Jericho smiled at the cute little monkeys, and considered using one of his PokeBalls on them. However, there moved too quickly, so Jericho made towards a shady oak tree, hoping to sit down and relax for a few minutes. He tossed his bag to the side, slipped off his shoes, and slid down the tree’s trunk, shutting his eyes as he went. However, Jericho had barely been in this position for a minute when he heard rustling. His eyes sprang open, and then he looked to the side. At first, he thought that a blue tumbleweed was trying to take away his bag. But then Jericho realised that it was a Tangela, mainly due to the red shoes. Several vines were rummaging through the contents, throwing aside the mints and the ruined paperback.

“Excuse me, but do you mind?” Jericho said.

“TANG!” The Tangela bellowed, leaping into the air. He looked at Jericho and fired a Vine Whip, smacking him in the stomach. Jericho doubled over and coughed, and the Tangela quickly began to scamper away. Cursing, the ten year old began to run. He forgot about his shoes, so his foot got muddy as he squelched through the watery fields. Two Heracross on a nearby tree briefly looked up, before turning back and licking the sap off the tree. Tangela had run onto open ground, and Jericho realised that they were surrounding by a giant lake, where several Magikarp were flopping around a fisherman’s hook.

“STOP1” Jericho yelled, and he leapt forwards. He skidded through the mud, but managed to get his arm on his bag and pulled it into his chest. Tangela turned around and growled, as Jericho stood up and examined his filthy clothes.

“Now look what you’ve done!” Jericho huffed, as he reached into the bag and pulled out an Ultra Ball. “Arabella, show him what your made
of!” The purple cobra formed, and stared menacingly at Tangela. However, Tangle seemed to want to prove himself, and quickly fired a Vine Whip. Arabella easily dodged it, and fired a Sludge Bomb, which burst at the ground, only mildly injuring Tangela.

“Wait until I command you!” Jericho scolded. “Now use Crunch.” Arbok slid through the grass, mouth opened wide. However, Tangela was ready and waiting, and he released yellow pollen.

“BOK!” Arabella hissed, as the Stun Spore paralysed her. Jericho sighed and brought her back.

“Ok Aquarius, you give this a shot!” Even though Tangela would have the type advantage, Jericho had an idea of how to fully utilise Aquarius’ ability as he formed. Tangela fired a small ball of green energy, which struck Aquarius in the belly. Energy began to be drained out of him, causing the Poliwhirl to collapse to the ground.

“Keep going, use Mud Shot and knock him into the water!” Jericho yelled.

“Poli!” Aquarius said, and he punched the ground. Tangela’s eyes were wide in shock as the mud smashed into his stomach, knocking him into the water.

“Tang Tang Tang!” He said, as he struggled to stay afloat. Aquarius jumped into the water, and Jericho jumped onto his back.

“BubbleBeam!” The boy said, and Aquarius fired out a number of bubbles. Tangela gasped as he was struck, and he sunk further underwater.

“Darn!” Jericho said, and he threw out a Great Ball. It went under water, and Jericho saw Tangela get sucked in. He crossed his fingers and watched as the ball floated back up, wondering about the outcome.

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 4

Claimed for Grading. ​

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 4

Introduction:
Because this is the next chapter in the story, the introduction that you've given us is appropriate. It picks up pretty much where the last one left off, and the transition between the two chapters is uninterrupted. I have no complaints here.

I should let you know, however, that I will not be Grading the next chapter of this story, when you go for a Dragonite. Personally, I've never even seen a Merciless level story, let alone seen the Grade for one, so I believe that it would be unfair for me to attempt to Grade something that I have no knowledge of. This means that a Grader that doesn't necessarily know what has gone on in your story thus far will potentially be Grading it.

How can you accommodate for this? I noticed that you've also posted this on your fanfiction.net account, where all of the chapters are available one after another. You should post the next chapter there as normal; however, in this thread, you should give a recap of what has gone on in the story so far for the Grader at the beginning of the next chapter, or add details to the story that would allow the next chapter to stand on its own better. I told you about how to do this in a previous Grade, so simply refer back to that one if you need some assistance on that matter. This chapter in particular doesn't stand well by itself; you'll want to avoid that in particular for a Merciless level capture.

Plot:
The plot of this chapter is of relatively the same style as the previous ones, and I had few complaints about those, so I really don't have much to say about this one.

I would like to point out, however, that these past few chapters, while giving glimpses and insights into a struggle larger than the main character of this story, have essentially been the same basic plot in different situations. At the end of every story, Jericho always captures a Pokemon; the building blocks of each chapter have remained as "trainer finds Pokemon, trainer battles Pokemon, trainer captures Pokemon", without too many twists that actually deal with these building blocks being thrown in. I will tell you right now that the more experienced Graders that will Grade this will not pass the next chapter if you do not switch it up some, and make the plot feel original. This holds especially true if you're going for a Dragonite, since the basic plots won't even cut it at the level below Merciless, according to the "All the Pokemon We Don't Hate" thread:

The last part is good advice: get creative! The story can be anything you want, so don't be afraid to mix it up a little. Your next successful capture may be counting on it.

Dialogue:
For the most part, your dialogue was realistic and believable. There is something that I'd like to note here, though.

I can tell that you were working to get the dialects of the people to sound realistic (as shown in the first quote), but at times, they didn't sound realistic because of how you worded their spoken lines. The second quote above uses "I am", just after the interrogator was using stuff like "haven't", "you're", and "don't". If he was as angry about Jericho not telling the truth as I assume you were writing him off as, he wouldn't bother to be punctual and actually recite "I am", instead opting for the easier "I'm".

The wording of the spoken lines, especially without italics or something to emphasize certain words (“But I am telling you the truth!” versus “But I am telling you the truth!”, for example), made the characters sound robotic at times. This was especially apparent with Nurse Joy; even though her character is generally polite and kind-hearted, the wording of her lines made her sound like she was reading awkwardly off of a script card, or something. The easiest way to make your characters sound realistic is to read your dialogue aloud when you write it, or have a friend role-play the situation where the dialogue comes in with you. If you can't speak like you were having a normal conversation with someone during the "rehearsal", chances are your characters won't be able to, either.

Grammar:
There were several typos and small grammatical errors riddled throughout the story. They didn't affect the flow of the plot or this Grade, really, but there were enough to make them noticeable. You'll want to avoid making a lot of these small errors when you write for that Dragonite, since a higher-level capture like that could make the Graders go through the story with a fine-toothed comb, looking for that sort of stuff to point out. The best remedy for these small errors is better proofreading. Even though you may want to get the story out there as soon as possible, if you don't proofread carefully enough, it could cost you when the Grade shows up.

For the most part, your grammar was fine otherwise.

Detail and Description:
Most of the details were the same as they have been in my past Grades, so there wasn't much to worry about. I did notice a couple things that struck me, though.

For Alexis to fly on the back of a Pidgeotto, she'd have to be less than 3'07" tall and weigh no more than about 90 pounds. Unless she's Jericho's age (which, from details in the story, I find hard to believe), this comes off as a bit unrealistic. It gets even weirder when you mention that the Pidgeotto is not only carrying Alexis, but also Jericho. Now, if it had been a Pidgeot, I probably wouldn't have said anything.

This detail brings me to an important part of your story that I felt was necessary to mention. Throughout this story's plot, Jericho never really seems to catch a break. Now naturally, this adds problems that the plot must overcome; however, doing so too often, especially to the main character, deters from their character development, and makes them look like - for lack of a more appropriate phrase - the "butt monkey" of the plot. This is the feeling I'm getting with Jericho lately.

I'll explain why using this story as an example. In the remakes of Gold and Silver, the Johto Police Force is, in fact, depicted as less than competent, so I can understand where you're coming from with the guard and the interrogator hating on Jericho, but giving him situations to escape them and make them look foolish. However, this hearkens back to the storm that occurred last time; generally, common sense would come in here. The guard wouldn't be as focused on his duties thanks to the storm, and he wouldn't immediately snap on anyone trying to pass through the gate; common sense says that he would do a better job at finding out what was going on there before sending Jericho off to jail. What if he was a kid from Pallet Town who got washed out to sea during the storm (which you mentioned was affecting all of Kanto, as well, if I recall), and he ended up in Johto? I mean, Route 21 does connect to Route 27, though it is normally blocked by a barrier of rocks and such. Who's to say that the storm didn't disrupt the barrier?

Also, Jericho was able to escape the station unnoticed when the interrogator went into the back to get the chief, but then there were several members of the police force chasing him. Where'd all those policemen come from, and why weren't they around when he was being interrogated? And why didn't any of their force stay in Mahogany Town following the dispersal of the Rockets, in order to maintain order and nip any further problems in the bud?

What I'm getting at is this: your story's details are, at times, disrupting my willing suspension of disbelief. Jericho's luck can't be so bad that everyone would be out to get him, especially considering the fact that he's just some ten-year-old caught in the crossfire of some major natural disaster. The police were asking him for the truth, but what motive did they have to even interrogate him? Considering the fact that some sort of impending disaster had just struck the entire world the night before, the police would more than likely be focused on restoring order and helping people caught up in the whole thing to get back to where they belong, rather than causing chaos and arresting people for no clear reason. In order to get that Dragonite, you'll want to keep from disrupting the Grader's willing suspension of disbelief, because it makes the story seem ridiculous on the whole.

As it is now, it seems like Jericho is the kinda-sorta-I-don't-want-to-be-the-protagonist, Alexis is an ally, and the rest of the world is out to get him. Defining the roles of each party introduced and showing who the heroes and the villains are is an integral part of the story; however, you have to do it in such a way that the reader isn't facepalming when Jericho suddenly has to fend off several policemen, who are supposed to be trained to catch professional crime bosses and the like, but can't catch a regular old trainer.

*sigh* Let's move on.

This kind of ignores water physics, since you didn't define how far under the Tangela sunk, and just generalized it. If the Ball is buoyant, it wouldn't go very far under when thrown down there; after all, a fifty-caliber bullet only goes two feet under the water when fired from a gun directly at the surface. I doubt Jericho's throw is faster than a speeding bullet.

Battle:
A little short, to be honest. Then again, Sludge Bomb is super effective on Tangela (even if you said it did "little damage"), so it was kind of expected to be that way. For the Dragonite, the battle will have to be longer and much more epic than this one, methinks.

Length:
Just enough.

Outcome:
Drum roll, please...

...

Spoiler

Gotcha! Tangela was caught!

Are you surprised at the outcome? Well, to be entirely honest, I went way harder on you than I normally would for this Grade. I'm doing so in order to prepare you for when you attempt to capture Dragonite. Since I've never seen a Merciless Grade, I can't vouch for exactly how hard the Grader will go on you for it; however, I have to assume that the category isn't called "Merciless" because they go easy on you.

Keep my suggestions in mind when you write the next installment, and take your time with it. You'll want it to be as well-written as possible, so that your chances for capturing the Dragonite are that much higher.

Good luck, and enjoy your capture!

[Miscellaneous note: forgive me, but I can't find your stats page. xD If you have one, I would recommend posting a link to it in your signature, so that Graders and other users can see it if they need to. If you don't have one, I would highly recommend posting in this thread so that you can request a starter and have a stats page; you wouldn't want the four Pokemon you've received from this series to go to waste, would you? ]​

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 4

Thank you so much! I understand that there have been some issues, and that Jericho has had a bit of a hard time. I'd like to clarify several things if thats alright (I'm not talking back, just thought I coudl reply to several points you made.)
- The reaosn why Jericho got sent to the police station was because he had tried to attack the guard and run past when he wasn't allowed. These sorts of people generally dislike being attacked, so I thought that the guard would have thrown protocoll out the door in this case.
- I am really bad at science, and I didn't think about water pyschics. But as it partially plays a role in the next story, I'll do some reading before I start writing
- Good point about the police officers. I was imagining that they had been patrolling and had been radioed, and they looked for the kid that best suited the description.
- And it seems I made a kind of anime mistake with Pidgeotto. I apologise for that. I thought it was bigger than it actually was.

But thank you so much for all your advice. I am sure that Dragonite is going to be really great if I follow this. And thanks for grading the past three captures. And I'll make sure I make a stats page.

 

Re: Left Behind: Part 4

Intended Capture: Dragonite
Characters: 76,116 included spaces

Jericho walked slowly back towards Mahogany Town, the Great Ball holding his brand new Tangela, who he had nicknamed Vinnie, resting inside. Jericho couldn’t help but think back to all the events leading up to his Pokemon’s captures and evolutions over the past two days.

He remembered capturing Kashin after being separated from his family, and later capturing Aquarius at Alexis’ suggestion, and then having him evolve while surfing through the storm. Then there had been the dramatic battle on the storm ridden route when he caught Arabella, and finally catching the mischievous Vinnie only fifteen minutes ago. The bag the Tangela had stolen was now back on Jericho’s shoulders, and Jericho had double checked he still had his plastic bag of supplies, his spare change of clothes and his assorted bits and bobs.

But as Jericho looked down at the Great Ball, he realised of who he should have been thinking of: his parents. His new capture had knocked his grandmother’s letter right out of his mind. The letter had answered all of his questions, and there was nothing standing in the way of him heading back to Kanto and visiting his grandfather. Yet Jericho was still feeling a bit worried. He was on the run from the police, he’d get in trouble for what he did at the ferry terminal, and he didn’t think he could leave Alexis behind. He had only known her for a short time, but they had quickly bonded, and she had been so nice, friendly and helpful. It would be such a shame to have to say goodbye…

“Oi Jericho, what’s wrong?” While he had been thinking, Jericho’s had continued walking, and was already back in Mahogany Town. Alexis stood right in front of him, smiling and holding a badge in front of his face.

“Oh hey. Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was walking.” Jericho replied. “You won your badge, congrats!”

“Thanks.” Alexis beamed. “I can enter the league now, I am so happy!” Jericho merely
smiled, before going back to his thoughts. Alexis could see he was down, and decided to try
and cheer him up.

“So, who’s in the Great Ball?”

“Oh, I just caught a Tangela, called him Vinnie.” Jericho said, smiling.

“Sweet as!” Alexis beamed. “You must tell me-” But before the girl could finish, there was
the sound of muffled music coming from her bag.

“Sorry, must be my PokeGear.” Alexis said, and reached into a pocket. She pulled out her PokeGear and flipped it open.

“Hello Alexis, is that you?” Professor Elm bellowed.

“Yes sir.” Alexis replied. “I just won my last gym badge, so I can-”

“That’s really wonderful Alexis, but there is a major problem at hand.” Professor Elm said. Jericho looked a bit shocked by this abruptness, but Alexis seemed to be use to it.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t explain it all now, it’ll take to long. But I just need you to go to Saffron City and collect Professor Oak.” Elm explained.

“Why can’t you get one of the others to do it, like Charles or Lyla?” Alexis sighed.

“No, this is very important!” Professor Elm said. “He won’t be at Saffron for another two hours, so you have time to get there.”

“I thought Professor Oak worked in Johto now.” Jericho said.

“Jericho, is that you?” Professor Elm squawked. “I thought you went back to Kanto!”

“I got held up a couple of times.” Jericho replied, and Alexis smirked.

“Ah, very well then. And Professor Oak still lives in Kanto.” Elm said. “He was here yesterday, but he had some matters to deal with back home. He has requested Alexis to come and collect him, as he needs help with this major problem.”

“What is the major problem? Is it Team Rocket again?” Alexis asked. Jericho gasped when he heard the name: his father always commented on Team Rocket when they appeared in the paper. He knew they were a villainous organization who stole Pokemon, but didn’t think that Alexis or someone like Professor Oak would have had dealings with them.

“No, it’s not Team Rocket, but it is because of last night.” Elm said, sounding very irritated. “Just make sure your Pokemon are up to scratch, and then head down to the Magnet Station.” And then there was a beep, signifying the call had ended.

“He is always like that!” Alexis growled.

“Can I come with you, on the Magnet Train?” Jericho asked.

“Of course you can.” Alexis said, beaming. “Though those police officers might still be looking for you, so I think I’ll have to sneak you in. But security is pretty lax, it’ll be easy.”

“Do you think we should train up our Pokemon?” Jericho said. Alexis shrugged as she began to walk towards Route 42.

“We could, but I am not even sure why he wants us to.” She replied. Just then, her PokeGear began to ring again. Angrily, Alexis opened it up. “WHAT?” She boomed.

“Excuse me, there’s no need to shout!” A woman’s voice replied. Jericho wheeled around at the sound of it.

“Mum?” He exclaimed.

“Jericho!” The voice of Isabel Athlew shrieked. Alexis tossed the PokeGear over, which Jericho caught with pure delight.

“Hi mum.” He said, his voice shaking. “How are you? How’s granddad, has dad arrived back yet, is…”

“Everything and everyone is fine.” Isabel said, and Jericho could hear her crying tears o joy. “Your father has arrived back, though he can go back and pick you up if you need to.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m catching the Magnet Train soon with a friend.” Jericho replied, as a tear of joy streaked down his face as well.

“The Magnet Train? Okay, I’ll have your father meet you there.” Isabel replied. “When is your train leaving?”

“I think it is leaving in two hours, so around one’ o’clock.” Jericho said. “I can’t wait to see you all again, I have tons of stories to tell you, and-”

“WATCH OUT!” Alexis screamed, as she shoved Jericho to the ground, and landed alongside. The PokeGear flew from Jericho’s hand, and hit the back wall of a small wooden house. Jericho rushed to grab it, but Alexis grabbed his collar.

“Why are you holding onto me?”

“Because of that!” Alexis said, and pointed to the sky. Jericho looked up and gasped.

A giant orange Dragonite was dive bombing the town, firing out multiple balls of blue flame. Between each one, the dragon let out a horrendous roar, which shook windows and made Jericho’s ears hurt.

“I think we now know what Elm was talking about.” Alexis said, as she pulled out a Great Ball and pressed the button. Her Dewgong formed and it bent low to the ground, imitating her trainer.

“Use Ice Beam on that Dragonite!” Alexis said. Dewgong looked up at the skies, and nodded.

“I’ll bring Evelyn out for back up.” Jericho said, and pulled out his PokeBall. Evelyn quickly formed, and smiled warmly at her trainer.

“DEEEEEEWWWW-GOOOONG!” Dewgong cried, and fired a light blue beam from her horn. The rampaging Dragonite turned around, distracted from destroying a small cottage, and was hit straight in the chest by the beam.

“DRAGA!” He boomed, and fired more blue balls of flame. Locals from the town were all running and screaming, and a small family rushed into the Pokemon Centre to avoid the attack.

“FLARE!” Evelyn cried, and tackled Jericho to the ground. Dewgong pushed Alexis away with her tail, and winced as the flames hit the ground, blasting her backwards. Jericho shielded his eyes from the blast, and looked towards the skies as the smoke cleared. Dragonite had turned and was speeding into the distance.

“Are you alright?” Jericho asked Alexis and the Pokemon.

“I’m fine.” Alexis said, rubbing her bruises from the previous night.

“Eon Flar Flare.” Evelyn said, smiling. Jericho grinned, but then his face fell as he looked towards the wooden building. The pink PokeGear had shattered, its pieces scattered.
Alexis saw this too, and she let out a groan.

“Oh well, so we don’t have a phone.” She said. “We are all alright, and we have to start heading towards Goldenrod.”

“What if we meet that Dragonite again?” Jericho said, still annoyed he could no longer call his parents. Alexis looked at the skies and smiled.

“I guess we’ll just have to train.”

***

Alexis led them all up to the middle of Route 43. Jericho was amazed as a flock of Mareep and Flaafy ran by, playing a sort of tag game with each other. Several Pidgeotto’s dived down towards a small lake nearby, their beaks open wide to catch the Magikarps bobbing on the surface.

“Here is good.” Alexis said, stopping at a free patch of land. She pulled out a variety of Poke, Great and Ultra Balls, and threw them into the sky. Meganium, Dewgong, Venomoth, Primeape, Pidgeotto and a Lickitung all formed.

“I didn’t know you had a Lickitung.” Jericho said, as he released Evelyn, Kashin, Aquarius, Arabella and Vinnie.

“I caught him last night.” Alexis nodded. “But there is no time to waste. If that Dragonite shows up again, we must be able to stop it!” She said to the eleven Pokemon and Jericho. “Now, I have a number of tin cans and some other stuff we can use as targets. Some of you can fire at them, while the rest can battle each other and maybe some wild Pokemon.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Jericho said. “Ok, umm… Arabella and Vinnie could do the target practice.”

“Aquarius and Dewgong could battle in the water.” Alexis suggested. “And Meganium and Venomoth can do the target practice, and I’ll have Primeape, Lickitung and Pidgeotto do some training.” Jericho smiled at this, and their Pokemon split up to go and train.

Alexis arranged a number of cans and rocks ten metres away from the others, and waved her hand to signal for them to start. Arabella began stockpiling, while Vinnie summoned up dust and fired an AncientPower to destroy several of the cans. Venomoth fired out a Signal Beam, and Meganium charged up for a Solarbeam.

Jericho walked around; making sure things were going great. Aquarius and Dewgong’s battle had attracted a small crowd of water based Pokemon, including some Magikarps who dared to be up with the Pidgeotto’s still flying around. Alexis’ Pidgeotto kept staring at her fellow birds, before diving down and using Aerial Ace on Kashin.

“Don!” The Donphan huffed, before swallowing the Cheri Berry in her trunk. The fire type Natural Gift was blasted out, but Pidgeotto flew up into the sky, and the beam hit a tree. The top branch burst into flames, sending a disgruntled Noctowl flying towards the next tree.

“Aim for the Pokemon next time.” Jericho joked.

“Phan Don!” Kashin replied, smiling widely, before preparing to dodge Pidgeotto as she swooped back down. There was a burst of fire from nearby, and Jericho jumped aside, as he watched Evelyn dramatic battle with Primeape.

“Pri Pri Pri!” Primeape screeched, and attempted to use Karate Chop,”

“FLARE!” Evelyn cried, and fired out a powerful Flamethrower. The ape was sent flying backwards, nearly hitting Alexis as she tended her injured Lickitung.

“Wow, that was really powerful!” Jericho said.

“Flare Eon Fla.” Evelyn panted, before collapsing. Jericho rushed over and pulled out a Potion, spraying it on her.

“Don’t faint, you’ll feel much better in a minute.” Jericho said.

“Flare.” Evelyn replied. Alexis had finished caring to her Pokemon, and rushed over with them in tow.

“I don’t think that this is going to work.” She sighed. “We don’t have much time, and it’ll take forever to level them all up.”

“Speak for yourself.” Jericho said, as he pointed behind her in shock. Alexis wheeled around, and her jaw dropped as she looked at the glowing Pidgeotto behind her. Beneath it, Kashin was lying on her side, clearing having fainted.

“It’s evolving, again!” Alexis squealed in delight. Everyone watched in awe as Pidgeotto began to grow, her wings extending and her head crest stretching down to near her talons. The white light disappeared, revealing a Pidgeot standing on top of Kashin.

“Pidge.” She said, though in a much deeper tone. Alexis squealed again, and rushed over and hugged her Pokemon.

“Mega!” Meganium cried, and all of Alexis’ Pokemon raced over, even Dewgong, who made huge waves as she splashed out of the water and slid towards her fellow team.

“It seems your training is sort of working.” Jericho said. “But I agree, we need a more productive method of doing this.” Alexis nodded, but was too happy to notice. Jericho grinned and looked around. Arabella, Aquarius and Vinnie came over, and they all sat with him, watching the happy scene.

“Tan!” Vinnie said, and pointed a vine into the sky. Jericho looked up, wondering wheter Dragonite had returned, but instead saw a Golbat flying down, a grey envelope between his feet.

“Golbat Gol Gol!” He cried as he neared. Alexis looked around as well, and her happiness faded away. She rushed towards the descending bat, and grabbed the letter before it had stopped moving. Her eyes darted across the grey letter inside, and they rose in shock, before turning into a smile.

“Finally you’ve done something useful Silver.” Alexis muttered.

“Silver, who’s that?” Jericho said, walking over. Alexis seemed to have forgot he was there, and leapt up in shock.

“Oh, he’s just a… friend, of sort.” She muttered, as she pulled a pink pen out and scribbled something on the letter. Golbat grabbed it, and turned and flew away. Alexis watched it leave, before pulling all of her PokeBalls out.

“Come on Jericho, we have to head down to the Pokeathlon.”

***

Jericho and his family had briefly visited the Pokeathlon, and the boy was still amazed by it all: the huge blue dome that seemed to stretch into the skies, the flashing lights, the stalls and vendors, shouting out into the crowds, and the masses of people who came to watch and take part, their Pokemon standing alongside. It was all very exciting, and Jericho wasn’t too sure which way to turn. Alexis had gone off, taking Lickitung and Dewgong with her. So Jericho, his Pokemon and Alexis’ other four Pokemon stood in the foyer, not sure which way to look.

“Maybe we should head upstairs.” Jericho suggested.

“Flare!”
“Don!”
“Poli!”
“Bok!”
“Tang!”
“Mega!”
“Veno!”
“Prime!”
“Pidgeot!” The Pokemon all replied, and headed towards the escalator. Pidgeot and Venomoth flew forwards, while Jericho picked Vinnie up so his vines wouldn’t get caught, while the rest followed behind.

Jericho and Evelyn recognised the stands they had been seated at only a fortnight ago: plastic red seats, surrounded with years of filth and rubbish that never seemed to be clean. The blue balcony looked down over the course, with a number of activities taking place. Currently, the Speed Course was under way, and a Dodrio, Arcanine, Electrode and Miltank were racing around the relay course.

“Venomoth Ven Ven!” Venomoth said, waving a wing towards a Venonat sitting with a small family nearby. The Venonat jumped up and waved its antennas. Jericho smiled, and Venomoth just smiled. There was a boom for a stand in the middle of a stadium, and a slightly chubby man in a singlet spoke into a megaphone.

“And now the Relay Race is over! I will tally up the points and see who has won the challenge!”

“Darn, we missed the whole event!” Jericho sighed. A lady sitting by herself in the front row turned around.

“Don’t worry, there is a Jump event happening afterwards.” She said.

“Oh sweet!” Jericho said. The lady chuckled, and then turned to look at all the Pokemon.

“That is quite a team you have there!”

“Oh, there aren’t all mine.” Jericho said, and quickly explained the situation. The woman smiled as he finished, before fishing around in her pockets.

“It is so nice of you to look after your friends Pokemon.” She said. “My husband takes part in lots of these events, and has collected lots of points and money. I brought this sweet with some of his points, but it turns out it’s for Pokemon.” She laughed, as she finally pulled out a small object. Jericho grabbed it, and saw it was some sort of Pokemon lolly wrapped in blue paper.

“Thanks a lot, I am sure one of them will love it.” Jericho replied, and he unwrapped it and turned around. “Anyone particularly want this?”

“Tangela Tang Gela!” Vinnie said, and fired a vine, wrapping around the sweet and pulling it backwards. The treat disappeared inside the dark space amongst all the tangled vines.

“Prim!”
“Ar!”
“Don!” Several of the Pokemon grunted in complaint, but Vinnie just danced cheekily before suddenly glowing white.

“Oh my, an evolution!” The lady gasped. “I haven’t seen one in years.” Jericho watched in shock as the Pokemon he had had for only a few hours began to double in size, and arm-like vines began to sprout. When Vinnie became around the same height as Jericho, he stopped glowing, and stood there as a very tangly ball of blue-green, with red tipped arms and feet.

“Tangrowth!” He boomed and hugged Jericho.

“Wow, congrats!” Jericho said, grinning madly.

“Flareon Flare.” Evelyn said, grinning broadly. Just as everyone moved in for a group hug,
they all hard a large explosion, causing the dome to shake.

“What was that?” The lady said.

“I’ll go and investigate.” Jericho said, and pulled out of the embrace and ran towards the escalator. But he had forgotten that it only went upwards, and began to move up again. But he watched as a boy with vivid red hair ran across the blue tiled floor, with a Feraligatr chasing behind. The admin people were shouting, people were crying and screaming, and it seemed that the service counter had been blown up. Jericho tried running down, but went nowhere.

Suddenly, all the Pokemon charged, desperate to see what was happening. They collectively bowled into Jericho, and he finally clunked down the stairs. His already sore bruises hurt more as he landed in a lump at the bottom, with Evelyn, Arabella, Pidgeot and Primeape piled on his body.

“Arbok Ar!” Arabella said, as she slithered across the tiles towards the doors, which had been shattered.

Jericho raced after, with Pidgeot and Venomoth flying over, and the others running behind, making the building shake with their collective movements. Jericho was expecting some reaction, but lots of people were running from the stadium, so it didn’t seem too uncommon. As Jericho and the Pokemon burst out into the bright sunlight, the sounds of police sirens filled the air, and more people seemed to be screaming out here.

“Meganium Nium!” Meganium said, and she ran towards a bench a few metres away. Pidgeot and Venomoth were there, but Venomoth turned into energy and were sucked into their PokeBalls, revealing a depressed looking Alexis.

“Alexis, what happened?” Jericho said. Alexis looked up, and Jericho could see a fresh cut on her chin, and that she had obviously been crying.

“There isn’t any time to explain.” She said, but she pulled out a bag filled with the blue lollies Vinnie had eaten, along with a glowing blue rock and a battered gold rock that was shaped like a crown. Alexis also pulled out her assorted PokeBalls, and brought back Meganium and Primeape.

“Bring yours back as well, and get on Pidgeot’s back.” Jericho pulled his Poke, Great and Ultra Balls out, and quickly brought back his six teammates.

“Alexis, what did you do?” Jericho said, as he uneasily climbed onto Pidgeot’s back. Alexis couldn’t help doing her trademark smirk at this point.

“Oh, an old friend and I did a little bit of a heist.” She replied, before grabbing his arms and putting them around her waist, and giving Pidgeot a small kick as they began the quick flight to Goldenrod.

***

It took only three minutes for Pidgeot to reach the wide city. Jericho had only been there a few hours ago, so he was hoping not to be recognised. But there seemed to be a few more police officers on the scene, and Alexis had spotted some back on Route 35.

“How do you expect we get in?” Jericho bellowed over the wind.

“I know a few people.” Alexis said, turning around a winking. Jericho raised an eyebrow as Pidgeot began to descend. Alexis had been acting very suspicious ever since she had rescued Jericho that morning: the bruises, her unwillingness to mention what had had happened, the explosion at the Pokeathlon, and now her ‘contacts’. Jericho hadn’t known her for long, but was worried that she was doing something illegal.

“Alex-” He began, but she waved her hand, telling him to stop talking. There were some police officers down below with a Growlithe, looking around. Jericho nodded, but couldn’t draw his eyes away from them. Suddenly, Pidgeot dived into darkness, and Jericho looked around in shock.

“Where are we?”

“The Magnet Train Station.” Alexis said. “I took a more unconventional approach.” Pidgeot
moved quickly through the short tunnel, and they were suddenly on the white brick platform. There was a path of yellow bricks leading from the red staircase towards the point where the train would soon arrive. Pidgeot touched down on the slightly dirty platform, and Jericho got off and admired the high ceiling, bright white lights and the steel track the train moved along. There was a whirring black machine at the very end of the station.

“What is that for?” Jericho asked.

“It’s the magnet.” Alexis replied, as she stroked Pidgeot. “There’s one at the Saffron
station as well. If the train is coming towards Goldenrod, they turn off the magnets at Saffron and the train gets pulled towards here. There are other magnetic pads as well, to help the train go, along with some mechanics in the tracks to make sure it doesn’t stop. And when it heads back to Saffron, they simply switch them around again.” Jericho nodded, but he was distracted by a distant rumbling sound. Something moved out of the corner of his eye, and he turned around just as the Magnet Train rushed through the tunnel. It sucked a lot of air in, and Pidgeot cried out in shock. Jericho was blinded by dust that picked up, but could still make out the trains brilliant white outline.

As he blinked to clear his eyes, Jericho could see about five coaches with a blue and red stripe around the centre and black windows. The roof was curved slightly, and the coaches were connected by a bendable grey rubber passage. At each end, the train dipped down 45 degrees, and turned into the magnetic part of the Magnet Train. It was pointed and looked ultra modern.

“Wow!” Jericho said, barely noticing as about two dozen people got out of their coaches. But as they left, someone occurred to him. “Where are the other passengers?”

“Oh, we are having the train all to our self!” Alexis said, grinning mischievously as she
waved towards the magnet. Jericho raised another suspicious eyebrow, but simply sighed and rushed towards the train.

Jericho admired the yellow walls and shining grey seats and poles, and couldn’t help but smile at how wide it was. Alexis chuckled as she walked in, and the doors slid shut behind Pidgeot.

“Send your Pokemon out, we need to start doing their training.” Alexis said, as the Magnet Train started moving. The two swayed slightly, but the train was moving swiftly but smoothly, and Jericho was able to sit down without tumbling over. He pulled out his Poke, Great and Ultra Balls, and Alexis did the same. Soon, their eleven Pokemon were all standing in front of the two, making the coach seem a lot smaller. Jericho was surprised to see a Lickilicky replacing Alexis’ Lickitung, but quickly figured it had evolved during whatever she had done at the Pokeathlon. As Jericho thought that, Alexis pulled out the bag with the blue Pokemon lollies, and began passing them around to the Pokemon.

“We need to get the Pokemon ready if Dragonite fights back.” Alexis explained. “So I have a heap of Rare Candy’s to help them level up and learn new moves.”

“Ah, so that’s why Vinnie evolved!” Jericho said, patting his Tangrowth on the head.

“Catch me up in a minute.” Alexis said. “But I also got a Water Stone and a King’s Rock.” She explained, pointing to the blue rock and the crown shaped rock respectively. “The Water Stone evolves Poliwhirl into Poliwrath, but the King’s Rock evolves Poliwhirl into Politoed.” She pulled out her PokeDex, and showed Jericho a picture of them both. Poliwrath looked almost identical to Poliwhirl, except a bit taller and fitter. Politoed, however, was bright green, and looked like a chubby toddler.

“I am not sure, is one more powerful than the other?” Jericho asked.

“Poliwrath is part fighting, if that helps.” Alexis shrugged. Aquarius had heard the mention of Poliwhirl, and he waddled over and looked at the PokeDex. Alexis smiled and used the buttons to flick between Poliwrath and Politoed. Aquarius stared at them for a few seconds, before jabbing a gloved finger onto the screen when Poliwrath appeared.

“So you want to evolve into Poliwrath?” Jericho asked, as he grabbed the Water Stone.

“Poli!” Aquarius said, and placed a hand on the stone. There was a flash of blue light from the stone, which was replaced by white light from Aquarius. Jericho, Alexis and the Pokemon beamed as Aquarius began to expand. He became taller, a bit wider, and his hands expanded. The white light disappeared, and Aquarius stood there as a much fitter Poliwrath.

“Wrath!” He boomed, in a deeper voice.

“Sounds ominous.” Alexis chuckled, as she put the Kings Rock away and passed around more Rare Candy’s. Jericho just grinned and gave Aquarius a big hug. Aquarius hugged back, and nearly snapped Jericho’s back in half.

“Owwwww!” He said.

“Poli!” Aquarius gasped, quickly letting him go.

“It’s alright, you just need to get use to your new strength.” Jericho said. Aquarius nodded, and they moved back towards the others.

“Flare!” Evelyn said happily, as she quickly swallowed a Rare Candy. Kashin put down one of her berries in order to inhale the berries into her trunk, and then fire them into her mouth. Arabella reluctantly accepted hers, tossing them in with her tail, while Vinnie ate whatever came nearby.

“How far is it until Saffron?” Jericho asked, as he stroked Evelyn. Alexis looked out the window, and saw a wooden bridge and lots of water bellow.

“We are just passing over Route 32, so we still have a little bit left.” She replied. Jericho nodded and came to look out the window as well. It was marvellous to see the water and nearby trees stretching out as far as they could see.

“This is just magnificent!” Jericho said, as he watched a Seaking leap out of the water below.

“I know, I just loving catching this train.” Alexis said, smiling. “It is faster than flying to Kanto, and you get to see some truly spectacular- SHIT!” Jericho smirked at this, but then his eyes caught the orange blur moving rapidly alongside the train.
Dragonite had caught up to them.

“Everyone, we need to get you back inside your PokeBalls quickly!” Jericho cried, as he reached into his bag.

“No, we need them to fight!” Alexis said.

“But what if they get injured?”

“All Pokemon get injured at some point in their lives!” Alexis snapped. “And we don’t have time to huddle in the corner and hope the powerful rampaging dragon ignores us.” And she turned to her Pokemon. “Meganium, can you charge up and prepare for Solarbeam?”

“Mega.” Meganium replied, and went and stood near the window.

“Good. Ok, Pidgeot and Primeape, you two go towards the Goldenrod end of the train, and
Venomoth and Lickilicky go into the next coach. Dewgong, you stay here.” A chorus of ‘Dew’, ‘Venom’, ‘Ape’, ‘Pidgeot’ and ‘Licki Licki!’ came from the Pokemon as they moved into the next coaches, or stayed behind. Jericho and his Pokemon watched them leave, and then looked at the window at Dragonite, who was trying to catch up to their coach.

“Ok… what do you guys want to do?” He said sheepishly.

“Arb!” Arabella said, and began stockpiling.

“Phan Don Don?” Kashin said, curling into a ball and out, asking wheter to Rollout or not.

“Um… I think…” Jericho said, but was cut off as a blast of orange energy struck the coach wall behind him. The explosion shattered the windows throughout the carriage, and Jericho, Evelyn and Vinnie were sent flying forwards. The coach swayed dangerously, and the other doors were blasted open, causing air to be sucked in. Dewgong had shielded Alexis behind her, and the trainer now rushed to the edge of the coach, ignoring the wind as she searched for Dragonite. There was an orange blob in the distance, as Dragonite recharged following the attack.

“Ok Dewgong, use Signal Beam to distract him when he gets back, and then Meganium strike with Solarbeam!” Alexis boomed.

“Your very tactical.” Jericho joked, earning a stern look from Alexis.

“I have learnt to be tactical after my dealings over the past few years.” She snapped back. She wheeled around, and looked grave. “Incoming!”

“Ok guys.” Jericho said, whispering to his Pokemon. “If the attacks miss, I want Vinnie to use AncientPower, and then Evelyn, you use Flamethrower on them to make them extra powerful.” The two Pokemon nodded. “Arabella, keep stockpiling, and Kashin and Aquarius be prepared for my next move.” There was a roar, and everyone looked through the holes where the doors and windows had been, and saw Dragonite coming up, his left fist covered with fire.

“SIGNAL BEAM!” Alexis boomed.

“DEWGONG DEWGONG!” Dewgong cried, and fired a rainbow beam from her horn.

“Drag!” Dragonite fumed, as he swerved to dodge the attack.

“MEGA!” Meganium yelled, and fired the powerful green beam of solar energy. Dragonite was hit square in the stomach, and the dragon flapped his wings furiously to try and hold his ground.

“Evelyn and Vinnie, now!” Jericho said. Vinnie waved his arms, causing dust to rise up from the ground down below and formed into rocks, and then sent them flying.

“Flare!” Evelyn said, releasing a strong jet of flames that engulfed the rocks, turning them to comets. Dragonite was a little bit away from defeating the Solarbeam when the Flame-AncientPower struck, causing a bright explosion and sending Dragonite falling towards the trees. Meganium stopped firing, and began panting with exhaustion.

“Great job!” Alexis boomed to the coach, and everyone grinned, before realising Dragonite
was flying back up, and had an Outrage prepared to fire towards the Goldenrod end of the coach.

“PIDGEOT, PRIMEAPE, GET OUT!” Alexis screamed.

“Kashin, use this Pomeg Berry!” Jericho said, pulling one of them out of his medicine bag.

“Don.” Kashin said, catching it with her trunk. Suddenly, Pidgeot and Primeape burst past, nearly hitting the others.

“Aquarius, use BubbleBeam!” Jericho said. Outside, Dragonite fired the blue balls of flame at the Goldenrod end of the train. The whole thing blew up, knocking everyone over except for Kashin and Pidgeot. The whole train rocked, and smoke began to seep in through the holes in the coach. The side of the coach was blasted aside, and only the wheels and part of the floor remained. Kashin blasted the ice blue beam from the berry, but there was too much smoke and she missed, allowing Dragonite to spin and avoid it, and used Fire Punch to turn Aquarius’ BubbleBeam into small wisps of smoke.

“Primeape, CLOSE COMBAT!” Alexis roared. Dragonite turned around in time for a barrage of punches and kicks from Primeape.

“We need to get some of them out of this coach!” Jericho yelled.

“Good idea! You send Kashin and Vinnie out, I send Pidgeot and Dewgong.” Alexis said. The one Pokemon took the commands and ran into the next coach to be with Venomoth and Lickilicky. Arabella was glowing white, having Stockpiled three times.

“MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!” Jericho screamed, and he, Evelyn and Aquarius leapt for cover under a seat. Alexis raised an eyebrow, but understand as white ball formed.

“AR-BOOOOOKKKKK!” The snake roared, and fired the powerful, blinding beam. Dragonite had tried moving, but was hit full on, and was sent crashing down towards the trees. However, the Spit Up was powerful enough to damage the roof and the floor, and Jericho could see that the metal was buckling.

“We have to get out of this coach!” Jericho yelled, and pushed Evelyn, Aquarius and Arabella forwards. Alexis nodded, and she rushed through the doorway with Meganium and Primeape.

“Where are we now?” Jericho asked. Alexis looked through the cracked window as the Pokemon regrouped.

“We are nearing mountains… I think the train is picking up speed.” She said, sounding worried. They heard Dragonite roar in the distance, but they were moving rapidly away. Alexis looked through the doorway towards the damaged coach and the destroyed end of the train.

“I think that when the magnet at the end of the train got destroyed, the slight magnetic pull disappeared, and now the Saffron end if much stronger.” Alexis explained.

“I suppose it makes sense.” Jericho said, as he noticed the green trees blurring past, and could see Mt Silver looming over them coming rapidly close. The roar of Dragonite got closer, and Alexis just growled.

“We need to get rid of this fricking Dragonite!” She snarled. “I have gone up against greater foes than this, and much weaker ones, and my training still hasn’t improved.” She wailed, and collapsed to the ground, crying. Jericho was shocked by this, and kneeled as well and hugged her.

“You are a great trainer, why do you doubt yourself?” He asked. Alexis sniffed and wiped away tears Jericho hadn’t even noticed.

“I have just been overshadowed a lot. Unlike the other regions, Professor Elm gives out lots of PokeDexes. There are nearly ten of us, and we get compared to each other.” Alexis explained. “While most of them are off doing amazing feats, I am still struggling behind, doing my best to answer calls, doing odd jobs and not being able to battle gyms.” She let out another howl, and Meganium came closer, and nuzzled her trainer. The other Pokemon came, and Jericho backed away to let them hug her. Alexis stopped crying, and tried to hug as many of her Pokemon as she could, though it was quite difficult.

“So, are you ready to take on Dragonite again?” Jericho asked. Alexis stood up, patting Meganium and Dewgong, and nodded.

“Ok everyone, I think that we should rely on powerful attacks to knock him down.” She said. “Also, I noticed how Aquarius and Kashin missed due to the smoke, so maybe we should try a few moves to lower Dragonite’s accuracy.”

“Sounds like a good idea! But I don’t think my Pokemon know any of those sorts of moves.” Jericho said sheepishly. Alexis growled, and was going to reply, but there was another loud roar from nearby.

“He’s getting closer… Ok, just prepare ourselves for an attack.” She said. Suddenly, it turned dark outside, with the lights in the coach providing them with their only light.

“We are heading through the Mt Silver tunnel.” Alexis said, grinning triumphantly.

“Do you think Dragonite will still attack?” Jericho said, hoping for a few seconds of hope.
But his question was answered with a furious Hyper Beam. It came through the end they had just come from, and everyone yelled and cried out. Arabella, Vinnie, Meganium, Primeape and Pidgeot were sent flying towards the other end of the coach, and Kashin and Dewgong where hit with bits of broken wall. As the dust cleared, Jericho looked and saw Dragonite in the doorway, holding onto the sides of the coach. The two damaged parts of the train had come loose, making their current coach the end of the train.

“FLAMETHROWER!” Jericho yelled.

“Flareon Flare!” Evelyn growled, and fired the jet of flames.

“Drag!” Dragonite growled, as the flames began to push him backwards.

“Everyone, we need to get in there and help!” Alexis said. “Meganium, charge for Solarbeam. Dewgong, Ice Beam, Primeape prepare for Focus Punch. Venomoth use Psychic, Pidgeot use Aerial Ace and Lickilicky prepare for Rollout!” Jericho was amazed that Alexis’ team knew such good moves, and watched as Dewgong and Venomoth remained stationary and fired their attacks. Dragonite showed considerable discomfort at the ice attack and the Psychic nearly blasted him off.

“Pidge!” Pidgeot said, and flew forwards with glowing wings.

“Licki!” Lickilicky said, and curled up into a ball.

“Arabella, you start stockpiling!” Jericho said, deciding to take action. “Kashin you prepare your Rollout as well! Vinnie you use Vine Whip and Aquarius use Wake-Up Slap.” Aquarius charged forwards first, and slapped Dragonite on the head as Pidgeot used Aerial Ace.

“DRAGONITE!” The dragon fumed, and lashed out with a Fire Punch, knocking Pidgeot backwards into Evelyn, causing the Flamethrower to stop. But then the two Rollouts hit, and the force of the heavy Pokemon forced Dragonite to let go. Then, Primeape charged forwards, and swung a glowing right fist to force Dragonite further backwards, followed by Meganium’s powerful Solarbeam. The light from it caused the lights above to shatter, and Evelyn moved to avoid the showering droplets.

“Ok Dewgong, make an ice barrier!” Alexis said, as she reached into her bag. The train moved out from the tunnel, and they left Dragonite behind in the darkness. As Dewgong began freezing with Ice Beam, Alexis pulled out her TM case and opened it up, revealing a number of discs. As the train entered into the second tunnel, Alexis pulled out the ones she needed.

“We need to get everyone ready for when he gets back.” Alexis said, and passed several of the different coloured discs to Jericho.

“What moves are these ones?” He asked.

“Oh, there is Shadow Ball, Hyper Beam, Focus Blast, Poison Jab, you name it, it’s there.”
Alexis said, as she attached a green disc to Meganium’s head. “Use them on whoever you want.” Jericho grinned down at his Pokemon, but this disappeared at the sound of another roar nearby.

“I think our dragon friend has found some strength.” Jericho sighed.

“Then move into the next coach.” Alexis said, and began walking towards there with her Pokemon. Jericho and his team followed, as Evelyn examined the Shadow Ball TM, and Aquarius looked happily at the Focus Blast one. Within thirty seconds, they had all moved into the next coach, and Jericho had picked out the TM’s he would use. He put Shadow Ball, Focus Blast, Poison Jab, Gyro Ball, Hyper Beam, Shock Wave and Energy Ball into his bag.

“I’ll teach them the moves when we get off and find a safe place.” Jericho explained.

“Good idea. Until then, we’ll just level them up.” Alexis grinned, and passed out more Rare Candy’s. There was a thud from behind them, and everyone looked towards the other coach.

“Moth!” Venomoth cried, as she looked through the window.

“Our good friend is back.” Alexis sighed. “And he seems to be trying to destroy our ice barrier.”

“This is getting repetitive!” Jericho groaned. Alexis nodded, and then her eyes lit up and a wide smile formed across her face.

“You grabbed the Shock Wave TM, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Who are you going to use it on?”

“Vinnie.” The Tangrowth danced happily at being mentioned. Alexis grabbed Jericho’s bag and pulled the yellow disc out. She then jammed it onto Vinnie’s head. He stopped dancing as
yellow light engulfed him.

“What are you doing?” Jericho gasped.

“We need Shock Wave in order to outrun Dragonite.” Alexis explained. “Lickilicky, use Stomp to break the wall.” Lickilicky nodded, and then stood on the wall. It cracked, revealing a number of wires. The yellow light disappeared, and the TM cracked as it was now useless.

“How do you feel Vinnie?” Jericho asked.

“Tang!” Vinnie said happily, and flexed his vine like arms.

“Good. We need him to use Shock Wave and power up the train to make it move faster.” Alexis said, as they rounded a bend. Vinnie nodded, and walked towards the hole in the wall. He put his vine arms onto the wires, and then fired the electric bolt. The wires sparked, and they moved into the magnet at the end of the train. The magnetic pull on the train became stronger, and the sleek white machine began to move faster, causing Jericho, Alexis and most of the Pokemon to topple over.

“Great idea!” Jericho said, grinning. But there was a crashing sound behind them, and Venomoth used Psychic to open the door. They could see Dragonite, holding onto the seats and trying to pull himself forwards.

“Venomoth, try and hold him off!” Alexis cried.

“Evelyn use Fire Spin to destroy the seats!” Jericho said. Evelyn and Venomoth stood in the doorway. Venomoth’s eyes flashed pink, and she used Psychic to lift Dragonite up. Evelyn then released the lasso of flames, which began to enclose around one set of seats.

“Dragonite Nite!” Dragonite growled. He fought off the Psychic and turned around, looking like he was preparing to go. Alexis and Jericho were about to celebrate, but then Dragonite fired a Hyper Beam towards the ground. The force of the attack sent him flying backwards, and he smashed through the door, through the rubber section and straight into Venomoth. She was squashed, while Dragonite lay on top, recharging.

“Quick, Aquarius and Arabella, go into the next coach!”

“Same with you Meganium, and Primeape as well!” Alexis yelled. The four Pokemon moved to make room, and Alexis quickly brought Venomoth back.

“Pidgeot use Wing Attack, Lickilicky use Lick, and Dewgong use Aurora Beam!” Alexis shouted.

“Evelyn Flamethrower and Kashin use Slam!” Jericho yelled. “Vinnie, hit the wires with another Shock Wave!” Dragonite could only watch as Evelyn fired the Flamethrower, but the dragon had recharged enough when Pidgeot came over, and he roared and slashed at her with a purple claw. Pidgeot gasped and collapsed onto the ground, looking very weak. Lickilicky lifted his tongue up, but Dragonite moved, and instead Dewgong got licked. She froze up, paralysed and unable to attack. Vinnie fired another Shock Wave, and the train picked up speed again: they were out of the tunnel now, but Jericho couldn’t identify what they were passing by. The windows looked like one of the blotchy paintings his mum always brought, and he felt a bit queasy.

“DRAGONITE!” Dragonite roared, and began to suck in energy.

“DON!” Kashin cried, and leapt onto his back. Dragonite fell forwards as he fired the Hyper Beam, and half of the floor was destroyed, only one with of the axles. As the coach sagged and began to screech along the tracks, Dragonite and Donphan were lifted into the air, smashing into the roof and taking out a light. Kashin fell backwards, unconscious, while Dragonite’s head stuck in the hole. The two trainers brought their ill Pokemon back, and Alexis ran towards the door, pushing Lickilicky in front of her.

“Come on Evelyn and Vinnie!” Jericho said, and he walked up on the seats to avoid the hole and Dragonite’s thrashing tail. Evelyn followed him, and the two rushed through the door with Vinnie. Alexis and the rest of the Pokemon were there, and Meganium was firing a Razor Leaf attack to cut the rubber section holding the coaches together apart. The train was moving at three times the speed it was at the start of the journey, and judging by the mass of green and brown, they were passing over a forest. Alexis looked at an electronic map on the wall telling them were they were.

“Oh my goodness, we are only about two minutes away from Saffron!” She gasped.

“Wow, teaching Tangrowth Shock Wave was a good idea.” Jericho grinned.

“I know, and we have to do it again.” Alexis said, and Lickilicky moved towards a wall to kick it in.

“Won’t the train be moving too fast to stop? Besides, we are making good speed.” Jericho said.

“It isn’t fast enough!” Alexis snapped, as she pointed into the next coach, where Dragonite was using Fire Punch to damage the coach roof.

“Mega!” Meganium said with a beam, and the rubber section was fully cut. The coach slid away, and came to a halt. But as they swerved around a bend and the map showed they were a minute away from Saffron, Dragonite managed to blast the roof away with an Outrage, and was now chasing after them.

“He’ll never catch us!” Jericho said, his voice cracking slightly, as Evelyn, Vinnie, Meganium and Lickilicky exchanged worried looks.

“I know, but his Hyper Beam is long distance!” Alexis said. She pulled her remaining balls out, and Meganium, Primeape and Lickilicky were brought inside. Jericho figured he should do the same, and watched as his four Pokemon were all brought inside. The map flashed, telling them they were about to enter the platform. Jericho looked at the window and could see a number of yellow buildings, along with a tall glass skyscraper. He recognised them all from occasional trips to Silph Co, and realised that he was nearly home. Alexis was
staring through the hole and could see Dragonite approaching, absorbing in energy.

“He is going to Hyper Beam us…” Alexis said.

“If that doesn’t hit us, than we’ll be killed when this speeding train hits the bloody wall!” Jericho said. Alexis nodded, and then grabbed her bag, tossed Jericho’s to him and then pulled him forwards.

“What the-” Jericho gasped, as Alexis jumped out of the back of the coach, just as Dragonite fired a Hyper Beam from nearly a kilometre away.

Everything seemed to happen at once.
Firstly, Alexis had headed for the platform, and she landed onto the grey brick. Jericho’s shins smashed into the edge, causing him to gasp with pain as the two rolled along the yellow brick path.

The train, on the other hand, had been going far to fast for the people in the control room to stop it. The front smashed into the wall, and it and the coach behind it bent upwards, while the other coach smashed into them. The black tiles cracked and smashed.
But this didn’t compare to the damage from Dragonite’s Hyper Beam. The immense power of it hit the piled up coaches, unaware what would happened. There was a huge explosion, blowing out two walls of the station. Jericho and Alexis were blasted against the wall by the stairs, their heads thumping against the hard surface. Bits of jagged metal and black tile were blasted across the platform, and half the roof caved in. Jericho coughed violently, as dust and smoke filled the area. Blood was streaming down his legs, and when he tried to stand up, he felt a sharp pain there and in his head.

“We have to move.” Alexis said from nearby, but there was too much dust to see through. “I can smell smoke, and there could be another explosion soon.” Jericho nodded, though it made his head hurt. He lifted an arm, trying to find Alexis. But she found him and grabbed him, pulling him upwards. Jericho could see the destroyed chunk of the building, the flaming wreckage of the magnet train and the blown apart station from up here, but Alexis pulled him away before they could get a better look. They ran down the staircase, ignoring two bemused guards rushing up past them, and ran through the ticket barrier.

The station was crowded with a mixture of curious people: families with shouting children, confused friends and couples, several distressed elderly women who had been frightened, and a number of Pokemon trying to go and help with the mess.

“Alexis, over here!” A voice boomed from across the hall. Alexis wheeled around, and saw an old man in a white coat waving from near the glass doors.

“Professor Oak!” She said, and pulled Jericho towards him. Jericho recognised Professor Oak from several pictures his grandparents had of him: grey hair, a sort of square head but a friendly face, a red shirt and brown pants.

“Hello Alexis, it’s good to see you.” Oak said, as he looked towards the upper floor. “I have a feeling we won’t be taking the train?”

“No, I don’t think we will.” Alexis said, smiling lightly. “Oh, Jericho, this is Professor Oak. Professor Oak, this is Jericho.”

“Hello.” Jericho said, moaning from the pain in his leg.

“Hello Jericho. Professor Elm mentioned you when I called this morning and- Oh my, look at your legs!” The Professor gasped, as he stared down at the blood gushing from the wounds. “Let’s get out of here and fix you up.” And the three walked through the glass doors.

“Professor, we need to find a safe place, there is a-” Alexis began, but Oak waved a hand.

“I know all about the rampaging Dragonite.” He said, and walked towards where the tracks were, high above them all.

“Why are we heading towards him though?” Jericho said, as his face began to turn pale.

“I need to see him for myself. Besides, we are well protected, I called my grandson.” Professor Oak said. There was a loud roar from the sky, and Dragonite soared up above the yellow building, scanning below from his two targets. Jericho whimpered, and Oak presumed it was from the pain and passed a first aid kit from his bag to Alexis. She opened it up and quickly pulled out some bandages and plasters.

“DRAGO!” Dragonite roared, and a ball of blue Outrage flames formed in his mouth.

“It’s going to attack!” Alexis cried. Oak heard the flapping of wings behind him and smiled.

“Not likely.” He said with a beam. Jericho and Alexis exchanged looks of shock, just as Dragonite noticed them. He was about to fire when a powerful Flamethrower cut through the sky, smashing into him.

“What was that?” Alexis said. Then, a blur of brown rushed past them, leapt into the sky and hit Dragonite in the gut. The dragon tipped backwards and smashed into the edge of the building, before toppling over and landing on the pavement. Jericho stood up, with one bandage on, and he and Alexis moved away, just as the blur landed, and Jericho nearly fainted with shock>

There, standing right in front of them, was Entei.

The great beast stared towards the three, a look of upmost seriousness upon its face. The intimidating tiger turned away from them and looked down at Dragonite, who was whimpering from the attacks. Then, Entei turned and walked backwards slightly, staring up into the skies.

“SKY ATTACK!” A voice yelled from nearby. Jericho looked to the sky, and was stunned to see yet another legendary Pokemon coming towards them: Moltres. The magnificent bird was glowing white, so Jericho couldn’t tell what it looked like in real life, but remembered seeing it on television, and how it was yellow with cool red and white flames.

“Entei, Fire Blast!” The voice said again, and Jericho could know see a boy in a black shirt and blue pants running nearby. Entei opened its mouth up wide, and then fired five balls of fire into the sky. They joined and spread out, forming an interesting symbol. Moltres then charged through the flames, and suddenly looked like a fire falling through the sky.

Dragonite could see Moltres coming, and turned and flapped his wings furiously. The dragon had barely made it above a fire hydrant when Moltres swooped and slammed into him, lifting him upwards and sending him spiralling into the sky. The flames and white light disappeared, and Moltres floated in front of Dragonite, daring it to attack. But Dragonite knew better, and turned and flew off.

“That was so COOL!” Jericho yelled, and grinned like a little kid. Alexis laughed as she stood up and patted Entei, who let out a pleased growl.

“You know these legendaries?” Jericho gasped.

“I know them, but I know him better.” Alexis said, and pointed to the trainer in the black shirt. Jericho looked at him, and the sight of the scruffy brown hair and teenage face made him recognise Blue, the current gym leader of Viridian City. He had also seen him in a number of battles, but mostly with two people called Red and Leaf.

“Hello there Gramps.” Blue said, and Moltres landed besides its trainer. “Hey Alexis, who’s the toy boy?” Jericho blushed at this, and Alexis kicked Blue in the leg.

“Don’t be rude, Blue.” Oak snapped. Blue raised his hand in defence, and then patted and hugged his Moltres and Entei.

“Good job.” He said, and brought them back inside their Ultra and Master Balls. Blue then turned towards the three. “So Gramps, I am guessing that is the Dragonite you called me about?”

“Yes Blue, you’re quite right.” Oak said, nodding. “I will explain what is going on in a moment, but first we must-”

“JERICHO!” Everyone turned around, wondering who was shouting, and Jericho gasped as he recognised three figures running towards them.

His mum, his dad and Beth.

His parents were wearing the clothes they had worn several days before, and his father
hadn’t seemed to have shaved since then either. The three were running flat out, the happiest Jericho had ever seen them. He tried to run forwards as well, but his legs wouldn’t let him, and he propped onto Alexis as his family approached.

“Oh darling!” Isabel yelled, and she squeezed her son tightly. Jericho gasped in pain, as he had scratches from all his adventures over the past day, and his mum let go, and then she and Beth gasped.

“Oh my goodness, look at your face!” Beth said. “Did someone punch you?”

“No.” Jericho said, as his face began to hurt from smiling. Bruce gave his son a pat on the shoulder and ruffled his hair.

“You must tell us all about what has happened!” Isabel said. Before Jericho could reply, Alexis cut in.

“Sorry Mr and Mrs Athlew, but our regions face a major crisis, and we must do something about it.” She said.

“Who are you?” Beth scoffed.

“I am Alexis, and have been looking after your brother.” Alexis snapped back.

“What Alexis is trying to say,” Professor Oak said, “is that while you have been looking for your son, these two have gotten involved in a very major situation, and we need them to fix things.”

“How serious is it?” Bruce asked.

“It is life threatening.” Professor Oak replied. “Now, we will go into the Silph Co
building, I know people there.” He said, and began to lead the way. Blue followed behind, but Alexis waited for Jericho. Bruce and Isabel exchanged looks, before silently agreeing to hear Oak out.

“Come on then son.” Bruce said, and hoisted him up so he wouldn’t have to walk. “Wow, your bag feels a bit heavier, what have you got in there?” Jericho grinned and began to retell his adventures.

***

The conference room at Silph Co was rather plain: a long brown desk, black chairs, white walls and whiteboard, projector and several laptops at one end. It used to be an office before two trainers battled there, leading to a rebuilding. It was simple, but Oak only needed it for the long table.

One the polished surface, he had placed a large map of Johto and Kanto, which had several crosses on it. There were also close up photos of some damage it had caused, along with a mountain, waterfalls and an aerial shot of small market area. Blue had set up a laptop, and several live satellite photos of Johto and Kanto were being shown while they waited for Professor Elm to video chat to them.

“I am glad you are all here.” Oak said at the head of the table. Jericho, Alexis and Blue were on his left, with Evelyn, Meganium and Blue’s trusty Arcanine with them. The Athlew family sat opposite, clearing uncertain about what was happening.

“Early this morning, it came to my attention that something wasn’t right.” Oak said. “I noticed the serious problems with the weather, which were hard to miss, but Blue, along with Professor Elm and several Dex Holders, have brought my up to speed with that. I thought that would have been the end, especially as the two legendaries in question were captured.” Jericho was confused, and went to raise his arm, but Alexis shook her head. Oak glanced over briefly before continuing.

“But then I received a distress phone call from a friend in Blackthorn City. She had noticed a Dragonite that had been injured during the storm. It had been rescued by several people from the Dragon’s Den, but he didn’t want to be rescued. She said that it seemed to want to go back to it’s pack, and escaped, causing major damages.” Blue pushed a photo forwards, showing several flaming huts and a large crater.

“We stayed near there!” Isabel gasped.

“Several police officers attempted to subdue the creature, and fired a chip into his body to try and call it down. But it entered in the wrong place, fuelling Dragonite’s rage.” Oak said grimly.

“The chip also provided a power up instead of neutralising it, and now Dragonite can lose PP. So Dragonite flew around Johto, causing major destruction in Ecruteak and Violet Cities. But when it reached Mahogany Town, Alexis and Jericho managed to prevent any further damage, and Dragonite was forced to leave.”

“However, this only made Dragonite angrier.” Blue said. “That is why it searched the skies for you two, and most likely spotted you when you flew to catch the Magnet Train and followed you.”

“But your Pokemon scared it away.” Jericho said happily.

“But where is Dragonite now?” Leaf asked. Oak frowned, and grabbed a pointer from the whiteboard, and placed it on Saffron.

“So we last saw our friend here.” He said. “It most likely began to travel back to Johto and find it’s pack.” Oak traced a line with the pointer, and ended up near Cianwood City. “I believe Dragonite is going back to the Safari Zone, as we have confirmed that a number of Dragonite’s went there after the storm. But we need to capture Dragonite and remove its chip.”

“Why do you need Jericho to be here for this?” Bruce said. “He may have five Pokemon, but he only just caught them, they won’t be well trained.”

“Hey, there are fully evolved!” Jericho said indignantly.

“I require Alexis and Blue to help me more.” Oak said. “However, Jericho does have a wide selection of Pokemon and I believe he can help greatly.”

“Please Mr Athlew.” Alexis said. “It will be really great experience for him.”

“This isn’t our decision to make.” Isabel said, and looked at her son. “Do you want to go and finish battling Dragonite?” Jericho was shocked by this. He looked down at Evelyn, who was smiling and making him know she would fight. He then looked at Alexis and Meganium, who grinned as well, then to the anxious Oak, his bored sister, his stiff faced parents and the calm Blue.

Jericho just wasn’t sure.

None of his friends had started their journeys, yet he had done a years worth of travelling in just two days. He had been scraped, scarred, beaten and bruised, survived an army of Tentacool and Tentacruel, outrun a police force, been an accessory to a possible robbing, and had just travelled a hundred kilometres on a speeding train being chased by a deranged dragon. As he remembered these good and bad times, a smile appeared across his face.

“I am a Pokemon trainer: I can’t turn this down, it is my duty!” He said. Alexis clapped, Oak breathed with relief and Blue clapped him on the back.

“Then you can go.” Bruce said, while his wife nodded. Oak was about to speak, but the laptop and projector flashed, and Elm’s face appeared.

“Oak, I have just received word that Dragonite is flying over Olivine City and is close to getting to the Safari Zone.”

“Thank you Professor, keep me posted.” Oak said, and then turned to the three trainers. “Heal your Pokemon, teach them whatever moves necessary, and then let’s teleport to Johto and stop this Dragonite!”

***

It took Oak and the trainers only a few minutes to sort their Pokemon’s moves out. As a Pokemon Professor, Professor Oak was allowed to tutor moves to Pokemon, and Jericho had all of the TM discs to use. Bruce and Isabel wanted to come along as well, but Jericho’s grandfather was feeling down, so only Bruce came, while Isabel and Beth went to visit him.

“Are you all ready to go?” Professor Oak said, as he looked at Jericho, Evelyn, Alexis, Meganium, Blue, Arcanine and Bruce. There was a chorus of yeses in English and Pokemon, and Oak smiled and sent out an old looking Alakazam.

“I only use Alakazam when I have to travel great distances quickly.” Oak said. Alakazam had
a few grey spots, but was still powerful, and waved his spoons around to ensure he would Teleport everyone.

“Ok, let’s get to Route 47!” Oak boomed.

“ALA!” Alakazam said, and flashed and white. Jericho was amazed by this, but still clung to Evelyn for support. Suddenly, he felt their two bodies distort, and all he could see a blinding white light. They all seemed to be moving a great speed, and Jericho couldn’t quite handle it. But, after only about three seconds, this all stopped, and Jericho opened his eyes and looked around.

They were standing on a wooden bridge, which stretched from one rocky ridge to the next. A waterfall was gushing behind them, and there was a very straight-cut mountain surrounding them, with green trees in high above and in the distance. Two Fearows swooped overhead, while a school of Goldeen swam up the waterfall. There were shouts from behind them, further up the mountain, and a Hiker passing by his Geodude was surprised, but merely shrugged and waved at them all. As soon as he left, the only sounds left were those of nature.

“So…” Blue said, looking around at the skies. “Where’s our orange friend?” Everyone paused
and looked around

“No idea.” Oak said grumpily. “Maybe I should call Elm?” He suggested, as he and Alakazam walked onto the ground nearby, and the others followed.

“I have an idea.” Bruce said. “Why don’t Jericho and I head towards the caves, try and find some people and ask them if they have seen anything, and maybe Alexis and Blue can head towards were the shouting and investigate?”

“Good idea.” Jericho said, pleased to have his smart thinking dad back on the scene.

“That would be a good idea.” Alexis said, as her eyes widened. “But we don’t need to go and investigate: Dragonite is back in action!” She said, and pointed towards a large figure moving rapidly towards them.

“Prepare your PokeBalls!” Oak yelled. Alakazam, Arcanine, Evelyn and Meganium stepped forwards, preparing to attack, while Alexis unhooked her bag to grab more PokeBalls.

“DRAG-O-NITE!” Dragonite boomed, and fired a Hyper Beam from up in the sky. Bruce grabbed Jericho and pushed him and Evelyn behind the rock, just as the orange energy hit the ground. Oak’s frail Alakazam fainted from the attack, while the old man was blasted back onto the bridge. Blue and Arcanine had run to avoid the attack, but Blue was hit as the ground was destroyed. Alexis was hit by the force of the impact, and her bag flew from her hands and over the edge, landing on a small ledge down below. Jericho looked up and coughed as the dust cleared. Blue and Oak were unconscious, Alexis wouldn’t be able to battle without more Pokemon, and Arcanine couldn’t be directed.

Dragonite, meanwhile, he landed on the other side of the bridge, and smirked at the chaos as he recharged. Bruce leapt over the rock and picked up Professor Oak, leading him out of the line of destruction.

“Jericho, I need to use Meganium’s Rock Climb to get down and get my bag!” Alexis yelled, and climbed onto Meganium’s back. Bruce, meanwhile, pulled Alakazam over, while Arcanine dragged his trainer.

“Are you saying I have to battle Dragonite?” Jericho said, as he slowly stood up and looked at the dragon.

“You can do it Jericho, you have nothing to worry about.” Alexis said. “I believe in you, and so do your Pokemon!” Jericho nodded, and anxiously reached into his bag.

“I don’t want to use you just yet Evelyn.” He said, and pulled out a Great Ball. “Vinnie, do your thing!” Alexis smiled as the Tangrowth formed, and then she and Meganium began heading down the slightly sloped mountainside.

“Vinnie, use Shock Wave to begin with!” Jericho shouted. Vinnie nodded, and raised his arms. They glowed yellow and bolts of electricity shot out, hitting Dragonite directly in the chest. But the giant dragon didn’t care, and flew forwards, raising a purple claw and slashed at Tangrowth with multiple Dragon Claws. Jericho gasped as Vinnie tried to dodge, but ended up walking into the crater.

“AncientPower!” Jericho said.

“Tang!” Vinnie said, and stomped the ground. Dust rose up and formed rocks, which hit Dragonite all over the body and knocked him backwards. Dragonite fumed and fired an Outrage. The blue balls of fire covered Vinnie, who cried out.

“Power Whip!” Jericho said. Dragonite gasped as one of Vinnie’s arms shot out of through the flames. The dragon tried to fire a Hyper Beam, but the arm smacked him, knocking him into the Waterfall. The orange energy was released, causing water to shower over them all, and sent several Goldeen flying.

“Good job!” Jericho said, as he gradually built up confidence. “Now use Wring Out.” Vinnie’s arms stretched out, and wrapped around the falling Dragonite.

“Drag!” He said in protest, as Vinnie lifted him up and began to squeeze him, making Dragonite gasp for breath.

“Bring it closer and use Shock Wave!” Jericho said, confident that he would soon be able to secure a capture.

“TANG!” Vinnie said, and pulled Dragonite in close and fired the electricity. Dragonite growled softly, but then orange appeared amongst the yellow.

“No!” Jericho cried, but it was too late. Dragonite jammed the Fire Punch into Vinnie’s belly. Vinnie’s eyes bulged, his arms fell to his side and he toppled backwards into the crater, unconscious. Jericho sighed, and wanted to rush forwards and consult him, but Dragonite was still near.

“Keep it up son!” Bruce said, as he tried waking Oak and Blue. Jericho pulled his Great and Ultra Balls out, and switched Vinnie out for Arabella.

“Bok!” Arabella said, and hissed at Dragonite.

“Use Crunch quickly!” Jericho ordered. Arabella leapt up, just as Dragonite prepared another Fire Punch, and then clamped onto his hand.

“Nite!” Dragonite cried, and furiously shook his arm, eventually freeing it. Arabella
landed neatly, with her tail coiled up. Jericho found Dragonite’s pain funny, but knew he had to be serious.

“Sludge Bomb to blind him!” He cried. Arabella opened her mouth and fired a ball of purple sludge. Dragonite was hit right in the eyes, and his Outrage attack soared into the distance as he roared and wiped his eyes.

“Ar.” Arabella said with a hiss, and glowed white.

“Fine, Stockpile then.” Jericho said.

“Flare.” Evelyn said, unimpressed by this disobedience. Dragonite managed to wipe away most of the slime, and flew forwards with a Dragon Claw. The attack knocked Arabella backwards, but she didn’t care.

“Keep Stockpiling!” Jericho said, and Arabella nodded and glowed white again. Dragonite repeated his move as well, and the third Dragon Claw pushed her backwards further. Arabella ignored the attacks, though there was a gash over her chest face, and stockpiled for the final time. Dragonite used Fire Punch this time, and slammed Arabella right up against the cave wall.

“NOW, SPIT UP!” Jericho roared, before diving behind the rock. Bruce was confused, but understood as a white ball formed in Arabella’s mouth. Dragonite moved backwards, and began charging a Hyper Beam.

“ARBOK!”

“DRAGONITE!” The two Pokemon yelled, and they fired their two powerful attacks.

They collided, and both exploded.

The tremendous burst of white and orange turned everything black and white, and Jericho could barely see as he heard a huge crash, and watched Dragonite fly backwards. The sound was deafening, and he clutched his ears tightly. But it passed quickly, and he nervously looked over the rock. There was a semi-circular crater stretching from Arabella towards the original. Dragonite was moaning from over the bridge, while Arabella was lying beneath a pile of rocks, not moving. Jericho cursed as he brought her back.

“Something’s behind those rocks!” Bruce said, and pointed towards a glowing red and blue light emitting from the mountain.

“I don’t have time to investigate!” Jericho snapped, as he threw a PokeBall and Aquarius formed, flexing his muscles.

“You don’t, but I do!” Alexis said, as Meganium jumped back onto the surface, a trail of dust behind her. Alexis leapt off, put her bag back on and looked over at Dragonite.

“Can’t you take over, he keeps beating my Pokemon.” Jericho said. Alexis shook her head.

“Your Pokemon need this chance to prove themselves!” She said. “Now I trust you to get out there and kick his arse!” Jericho chuckled at this, and looked at Aquarius.

“Wrath!” He said, and nodded to say he was ready to fight.

“Ok then, we’ll battle.” Jericho said, and Alexis grinned. “Aquarius use Surf!” Aquarius nodded, and his eyes glowed blue. Water from the waterfall stretched out in mid air, and then it moved forwards and smashed into Dragonite. The dragon roared, and flapped his wings to rise above them. He then fired an Outrage, which knocked Poliwrath backwards into the crater, though he got back up. Dragonite was already swooping in with a Fire Punch.

“Hey!” Jericho huffed.

“It is getting angrier.” Alexis said. “I don’t think he’ll follow the rules.”

“Unfair.” Jericho growled. “Ok then… BubbleBeam!”

“Pol.” Aquarius said, and his spiral turned blue and bubbles shot out, doing little damage to Dragonite. He punched Aquarius with the fiery fist, and there was enough force to lift him up, but it did little damage. Aquarius laughed, until a spot on his stomach burst into flames.

“It’s been burned!” Bruce gasped.

“Oh no, are you still fit to battle?” Jericho said. Aquarius nodded, and stood up firmly to show his power.

“If you insist. Use Mind Reader!” Jericho said. Aquarius’ eyes glowed purple, and Dragonite’s body glowed purple as well. The dragon huffed, and then slashed at Aquarius with Dragon Claw. Poliwrath stood strong, but the burn activated again, and he lost some of his demean.

“Keep going, use DynamicPunch!” Jericho said. He had his confidence, and was now boiling with fury to defeat the dragon. Aquarius ran forwards, his right fist red, and jammed it into Dragonite’s stomach. Dragonite roared with pain as he was blasted backwards, but he grabbed onto Aquarius and pulled him with him, so they both landed on the other side of the
bridge. Jericho could see the burn activate and cursed again.

“There’s no time for another Mind Reader, just use DynamicPunch!” Jericho yelled.

“POLI!” Aquarius said, and he untangled himself from Dragonite and aimed another punch. But Dragonite twirled, and the fist went right over his tail. Then, Dragonite slashed with another Dragon Claw. Aquarius moaned with pain, and then the burn struck again. His eyes shut and he fell forwards. Jericho roared and kicked the rock, but it only hurt his toe.

“This Dragonite is so annoying!” Jericho hissed, and brought Aquarius back.

“Maybe we could try waking Blue up, or Alexis could battle.” Bruce suggested.

“NO, I must finish this!” Jericho said. “Kashin, try and end this!” The Donphan formed from the red energy, and stood at the respective end of the bridge. Dragonite smirked and lifted into the sky, and then fired an Outrage.

“Swallow your Pomeg Berry and use Natural Gift!” Jericho cried. Kashin was hit by the blue balls of fire, and they forced her backwards. But she quickly inhaled the tiny berry, and then fired the ice blue beam. Dragonite yelled out and collapsed to the ground.

“Run in there and use Thunder Fang!” Jericho said, pleased to get Dragonite grounded. Kashin ran forwards and clamped onto Dragonite’s tail with a mouth full of electricity.

“Drag Nite!” He said, and punched her on the head with Fire Punch.

“Don!” She said indignantly, but refused to let go.

“Poison Jab, now!” Jericho said. Kashin let go, her trunk glowing purple, and then rammed
it into Dragonite’s stomach. He yelled out, and then slashed at her with Dragon Claw, which only grazed one of her feet.

“Poison Jab again!” Jericho said. Kashin repeated the process, and Dragonite was pushed backwards, and his Dragon Claw fully missed her.

“AGAIN!” Jericho boomed.

“Calm down!” Alexis said.

“Flare!” Evelyn added. But Jericho was too focused, and watched with delight as Dragonite glowed purple: he had been poisoned!

“Boo-yah, now strike him down with Gyro Ball!” Jericho yelled.

“Wh-wh-what’s happening?” The three humans turned, and saw Professor Oak getting up, rubbing his head. Bruce ran forwards, while Jericho and Alexis watched as Kashin curled into a ball and began spinning, glowing silver as well.

“Donphan Don Don!” She said happily, and raced forwards. Dragonite was in pain from poison,
and wouldn’t let the one who did that bring him down.

“NITE!” He boomed, and fired another Outrage. Kashin was hit only centimetres away from striking him, and was blasted backwards. She skidded across the bridge, pulling chunks out of it, before landing unconscious. Jericho was about to say something, but Alexis gasped and pointed at the bridge. Kashin had pulled enough chunks out to cause half of it in the middle to fall. They watched as the bits of wood disappeared into the sea below, and several Horseas rushed away in shock.

“Flareon Flare?” Evelyn said. Jericho looked down at her, and he remembered how he felt the day he received her as an Eevee, and compared the two emotions now: both were of joy.

“It looks like we’ve made it, are you ready?” He said. Evelyn nodded, and walked towards the edge of the cliff. Her eyes met Dragonite’s, and his met hers, and the two began to glare at each other.

“Good luck.” Alexis whispered, and kissed him on the cheek. Jericho blushed, but recovered himself and brought Kashin back. He looked across and Dragonite, and knew that know was the time: he was going to bring the dragon down.

“Shadow Ball.” Jericho said. Evelyn opened her mouth and a black ball formed. She fired it towards Dragonite, but the dragon was ready. He fired an Outrage, and the two attacks hit, causing an explosion. It blocked their view to the other side, and they didn’t know what Dragonite would do.

“Flamethrower.” Jericho said. Evelyn fired the jet of fire through the flames, but the smoke cleared, revealing no target. Dragonite was high above them, and swooped down with Fire Punch. Evelyn smirked, and accepted the attack. Dragonite was surprised by this as he glowed purple form the poison.

“Thanks for the attack boost, now use Fire Blast!” Jericho said.

“FLARE!” Evelyn said, and fired the same powerful attack Entei had used. Dragonite cried out as he was sent crashing into the cliff opposite and became covered in dust.

“Shadow Ball.” Jericho said. Evelyn fired the ball again, but Dragonite flew forwards, and moved above it. He then slashed at Evelyn with a Dragon Claw, knocking her backwards. Jericho moved to avoid the beasts wings, and saw that Blue had also awoken. All four humans, Meganium and Arcanine were watching. Jericho looked upwards and was surprised to see a herd of Miltank and Tauros was watching the battle from up on the cliff.

“Evelyn use Fire Blast again.” Jericho said, as Dragonite glowed purple. Evelyn sent the balls of flame out again, but Dragonite counted with Outrage. The blue and red balls of fire struck each other and exploded, knocking the two backwards. Jericho reached into his bag and pulled out the plastic bag with the supplies. Dragonite was doubled over, clearly in pain from the poison, but Evelyn was also weak. She looked at Jericho, and he smiled at her and nodded. He then looked at the others: Alexis grinned, Blue nodded, Professor Oak ignored him and stared in anticipation at Dragonite, while Bruce gave his on the thumbs up.

“EVELYN, USE ALL YOUR STRENGTH AND FINISH THIS WITH HYPER BEAM!” Jericho screamed, and
pulled out an Ultra Ball.

“FLAREON!” Evelyn yelled, and quickly sucked in the energy and fired the orange beam of energy. But Dragonite was thinking the same, yet delayed. He just fired his Hyper Beam as Evelyn’s reached him.

The explosion was the beautiful thing Jericho had ever seen.

The explosion of orange looked like the close up pictures of the sun Jericho had seen. The shock wave knocked him backwards, but not before he threw the Ultra Ball with all his might. It struck Dragonite as the dragon was sent flying backwards, and Jericho could faintly see him being sucked in. The blast quickly cleared, and Jericho ran forwards: not towards the Ultra Ball, shaking on the ground, but towards Evelyn, who was close to fainting near the pile of rocks.

“Oh, I love you!” Jericho said, and pulled her into a hug.

“Flare.” Evelyn said, as she smiled and nuzzled her trainer. Alexis rushed over, with the others went to check on the Ultra Ball.

“I knew you could do it.” She said, and hugged both Jericho and Evelyn, and kissed them both on the forehead.

“Thanks.” Jericho said, trying hard not to blush. “And deep down, I think I knew we could do it as well.”

“Flare.” Evelyn said in agreement, and Jericho and Alexis just beamed at each other.

It didn’t matter wheter he had captured Dragonite or not, or wheter he got back home to his family after all. Jericho realised that as long as he had his Pokemon, he would always have a family with him.
“I never got left behind.” Jericho whispered to Evelyn. “I’ve had you with me all along, and that’s all that matters.”

That's the end I hope you all enjoyed it, and looked out for Jericho, Alexis and Blue in other stories of mine

 

Re: Left Behind: Final Part MERCILESS CAPTURE- Dragonite

I'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorryI'm sorry this took so long.

I really hope I didn't go overboard anywhere.

Introduction:

In your introduction, you basically summarized the past events of the series. Not only is this an uninteresting way to begin a story, but it's simply unnecessary. If anyone can be bothered to read the last chapter in a series, you can reasonably expect it's because they read and enjoyed the previous chapters as well. So, if you still want to summarize past events, it's best to do that before beginning the actual narrative.

However, I do think there was some merit to what you were trying to illustrate. Because this is the last story in the series, and more importantly because this story begins at a point where it seems Jericho's troubles are over, it is natural that Jericho would take some time to rest and think about what he's been through. This would have been a perfect time to illustrate the way Jericho has grown from his experiences, through the way he reacts to his thoughts. For example, you could have had him remember an event from his distant past (as in, before the events of this series), which reminds him of his parents' love. This could trigger remorse for running away as Jericho realizes how sad and scared his parents must feel, not knowing where he is or what's happened to him.

All in all, your introduction was just bland. You mentioned a lot of things really quickly, without going into much detail about any of them. In the few places you did try to show how Jericho was feeling about his journey, you simply stated his emotions.

See, you're stating what Jericho is thinking in one long list. Often, it's better to show a person's emotions through means more descriptive than just listing them. For example, look at the last sentence: "It would be just a shame to say goodbye." Imagine the way you would feel and think if you had to say goodbye to a close friend. Do the words "It's going to be such a shame to say goodbye," run through your head? Or is the thought more defined by feelings… like a tightness in your throat? Tears welling up in your eyes? A pit in your stomach?

Portraying realistic feelings in characters is a very useful tool in writing, because then the reader can relate to those feelings. Your introduction was defined by a thoughtful tone, but it could have capitalized on Jericho's emotions to make it more engaging for the reader.

Plot:

This chapter is the climax of the series, where Jericho has to deal with the final aftermath of the storm: Dragonite. At first, I came away from the story a little disappointed. I mean, this chapter is pretty much battle, battle, battle, and that's it. But then I thought about it for a while. I guess that since this is the big moment of the series, it really does deserve a lot more attention than everything else that's gone on. But I think I've figured out what really bothered me about the way you pieced the chapter together. Sure, battling Dragonite is hugely important to the plot, but there were other big moments that you seemed to neglect. I'll quote this excerpt as an example.

This entire scene was longer, but again, left out a lot of emotional detail that might have enhanced it greatly. Specifically, you could have paid a bit more attention to Jericho's parents. Jericho never once acknowledged that he caused his parents a great deal of pain when he ran away in the beginning of the story, which would have been a key turning point in his character development. Character development is an essential part of a story's plot, because the way a character matures - or, in some cases, remains the same - can have a great influence on the events in their life.

I'll admit, you did show some change in Jericho, when he said that fighting Dragonite was "his duty as a Pokemon trainer." I realize I'm crossing into the realm of detail/description here, but don't you think this bold declaration should elicit some sort of reaction from his parents, other than just nodding and saying he can go? The main characters aren't the only ones that can have feelings, you know. Neglecting to really illustrate the way Jericho's parents felt about the situation left a gap in the plot that was never filled.

You left out a few other scenes that I had been hoping to witness, as well. For example, you made a big deal about how Jericho would miss Alexis when he had to say goodbye, but then you never actually showed them parting. Instead, you ended with a paragraph that I found incredibly odd, given the circumstances.

This ending seems somewhat touching, but it leaves a lot of unresolved issues. How does Jericho really feel about Alexis? Does he ever apologize to his parents for running off? The ending you chose would have fit better, for example, if Jericho had originally had a bad relationship with Evelyn, or not trusted Pokemon in general, or something like that. But he always seemed to be really friendly with his Pokemon, so I feel like his big epiphany at the end shouldn't have been about them. After all, they weren't the ones who left him behind. The resolution of a story should tie up the plot's main problem - in this case, being left behind. To me, it feels like Jericho and his family never got a good reunion, so it's as if you've left the story unresolved. If you're going to present such a big plot point, make sure you follow through and do your best to touch upon everything that's come of it. I was expecting a much bigger reaction from Jericho's parents to the way he has changed as a result of his journey, and it just wasn't there.

Description/Detail:

I've already touched on some detail-related issues in earlier sections of this grade, but I do have a few other things I'd like to mention. I'll use this as an example:

This was about all the description you gave of the view from the Magnet Train. For a moment, think about how this scene might have played out in a movie. Our heroes seem to have gotten rid of Dragonite for now, so they have some time to relax. The camera pans out over a beautiful landscape as they seem to fly through the air on the train. There's a river gushing below, bordered by lush forests and rolling hills. The sound of the tiny-looking animals is drowned out by the WHOOSH of the train speeding along. Jericho's eyes widen as he takes in the unending beauty of it all. Alexis's eyes widen too, but it's because her heart stops as she sees Dragonite rushing toward her, so she screams (I like the way you did that by the way), and cuts off Jericho's chuckle by clamping onto his collar in terror and forcing him to look at the Pokemon about to attack.

And there, I've only touched on the way you could have described multiple things. You could have put quite a lot of detail into the landscape. After all, there were few other scenes that really deserved such visual description. It would have also made it even more jarring when all of the beauty was interrupted by Dragonite's assault. In the future, definitely try to recognize other places like this, where the plot has pretty much stopped for the moment, and you can step back and paint a breathtaking picture for your reader. There should be a good balance of action and description in any story. You certainly got the action down, but you lacked details that would have made it much more enthralling.

These three quotes are examples of where you seem to have forgotten that URPG stories /= Pokemon games. This isn't a video game, where the Pokemon attack once and then let the other Pokemon attack. "Rules" mean pretty much nothing when it comes to wild Pokemon. That's why they're called wild. It can really detract from a story when you try to describe things within the confines of the Pokemon video games, because it often means that description is neglected, as in the second sentence: "Jericho could see the burn activate…" Sure, that's what happens in the games; the burn deals a certain amount of damage at the end of every turn. But think about it realistically. A little flame isn't going to pop up after a Pokemon attacks and deal damage. No, the burn is going to probably appear as a reddened or blackened, possibly blistering, patch of skin that doesn't go away. It's not just going to "activate;" it's going to hurt all the time, and cause severe pain if the Pokemon moves the burned part of its body. These are things you could have illustrated, but didn't.

Now, for the last sentence. Again, your constraining yourself to the rules of the Pokemon games, in which a Pokemon has to recharge for a turn after using Hyper Beam. But again, you need to think in more realistic terms. This Dragonite is, as revealed in the story, very angry and in severe pain, which only makes it worse. Sure, the Dragonite may have to take a moment to recompose itself after using such a strong attack, but it wouldn't have sat back and smirked. It would probably have panted heavily for a second, then mustered up as much strength as it could and come in for another attack.

So those are the two points I felt needed to be addressed in regards to detail and description. Make sure you recognize places where you can use sensory descriptions (especially visual), like the view of the land from aboard the train, to paint an image in the reader's mind. Also, get away from the Pokemon game mindset, and describe things how they would realistically happen, not the structured way they are programmed in a video game.

Grammar/Spelling:

I saw a fair few grammar and spelling errors. These aren't always a huge issue, but it's not good when I've come to a touching or important part of the story and suddenly some typo sticks out like a sore thumb. It can really ruin the moment in some cases.

That word is spelled "whether." This is supposed to be part of Jericho's big realization at the end, but you marred its effect by misspelling an easy word not once, but twice. Maybe I'm just a stickler, but I really dislike seeing errors like this, that any spellcheck program would've caught if you had taken a second to proofread.

These two show another small problem. You repeated yourself in both sentences, which made them sound very awkward. In the first, you used "of" twice, while saying it in either place would've meant the same thing. In the second, it seems like you couldn't think of another word to use in place of "hoping." Make sure you watch out for redundancy in the future, though I know, it can sometimes be harder to catch than simple spelling errors.

And here's the big one. I'm a bit disappointed your previous grades haven't mentioned it a lot more (I know one of them did, so it seems like you didn't really read it). So pay attention now.

The way you wrote this makes it seem like there are two sentences here, but there are really only one. That leaves you with two problems: The quote ends in a period, which it shouldn't, and "she" is capitalized, which it shouldn't be. To know the difference between using a comma and using a period, look at what comes after the dialogue. In this case, the next thing after the quote is the speaker of that quote, and a verb that is a form of saying something. So the quote should end in a comma, and the speaker shouldn't be capitalized unless it's a proper noun (like if you had said "Alexis" instead of "she"). Note that if the same quote ended in a question mark or exclamation point, the pronoun "she" would still not be capitalized.

Length:

Good.

Battle:

There isn't a lot I can say here, honestly. The battle took up pretty much the whole story, so it was obviously long enough, and it of course wasn't too one-sided. The main thing I would've talked about was the whole games vs. story thing, but I already went over that. I liked that you picked the Magnet Train for a significant portion of the battle, because I could just see the epicness of a scene like that, even if you did neglect detail in some cases.

Outcome:

If this story was all I had to work with, I think I might have failed it. However, as it was the climax of a long series, I can forgive that the plot was somewhat set aside for lengthy action scenes. There were parts that I thought could use a rewrite. For example, the introduction and the ending lacked the emotion that I was looking for. But overall, this story, as part of the entire series, fit well, and you did a pretty good job, and nothing jumped out at me as being bad enough to fail you for. Plus I feel bad about leaving this so long. So yeah, Dragonite captured.

Enjoy.

 

Re: Left Behind: Final Part MERCILESS CAPTURE- Dragonite

I am glad it is finally done, and the fact I got Dragonite There is actually going to be a sequel, as I wanted to leave it open to continue their adventures, as I plan on using the characters of Jericho and Alexis in two other series. I felt like a big sum-up paragraph would be kind of boring, so I went for the more emotional impact. But thanks all the same for all your feedback