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Healing Aura - A Riolu Capture Story (NOW READY FOR GRADING)

Discussion in 'Stories' started by Rocket Queen, Apr 22, 2010.

  1. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen Clear skies, full hearts, can't lose. Social Media Coordinator

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    Healing Aura – A Riolu Capture Story by Hide in Plain Sight (HiPS)

    Characters (Including spaces) – 56,499

    NOW READY FOR GRADING


    Disclaimer – as a lengthy excerpt from a fic I’ve been writing, this story has a bit of swearing and a bit of romance. So yeah, if you don’t want to read that, then don’t. And dont worry about if you havent read the fic that its from (because well, it's not online at all yet so no ones read it... you dont need to know anything about the background to follow this story)



    Note - anyone who wants to comment (non-graders included), go for it. I wanna hear what ya'll think. HKim told me to say that anyone who reads this is invited and encouraged to post what they think about this. I wanna get better as a writer and hopefully you guys can help me :D


    Anyways, enough talk, time to get on with the reason you're here.


    Many surfers say that the biggest wave you catch in your entire life may be your last. This statement has a very dark implication: the biggest wave you ever catch is the one you can’t handle. A surfing death is one of the worst that I can ever imagine. One moment you’re riding a twenty-five foot wave caused by a storm surge, and the next you feel your entire body get slammed down into the water. Instinct tells you that you should swim up to the surface, but the collision has left you so disoriented that you can’t tell which way is up. Normally, one could guess the direction to the surface based on the light penetrating the water, but because I had made the decision to surf under black skies and a raging storm, light cues wouldn’t help me. Some people would say that I had a death wish, that I was trying to get myself killed in a blaze of glory. And you know what? I think they may have been right; less then three months prior I lost the chance to achieve my dreams, and the dreams of my entire family. But even worse, I had lost the woman who I was sure was the love of my young life. So maybe, deep down, I wanted to catch a wave that I couldn’t handle. Maybe I wanted to get slammed under water with such force that I wouldn’t be able to reach the surface, to sink into blissful unconsciousness for the final time. As I came to those conclusions, it was only natural to reflect on my life so far. After all, the life flashing before your eyes cliché exists for a valid reason: when you think you’re going to die, it just happens. And of course, my mind just had to pick the chain of events that led to my current hopeless and broken-hearted state.

    Even as a young, carefree boy, I had always planned to be a Pokémon ranger, just like my big brother. After all, being related to the famous (and rightfully so) Jack Walker made it so people would always ask me when I was going to ranger school. Family friends would always tell me how great it would be if I followed in Jackie’s footsteps and did as good of a job protecting Pokémon as he did. But fate, or more accurately my personality as a kid, conspired against this dream that my parents had for me. Growing up, I was always a bit of a rebel. Not the type that was an active problem for parents and other adults, but the type that was a frustrating annoyance. Teachers in school would say things like “Incredibly engaging and intelligent, but just doesn’t seem to care or feel the need to apply himself.” This was because I found my love early in life and it certainly wasn’t to be found in a classroom. Ironically, my biggest passion in life was the thing that was going to end said life; surfing the ocean waves off the coast of Lilycove City, my hometown.

    Knowing that I loved doing anything that involved getting outside and breathing the open air, everyone that knew me assumed once again that I would become a Pokémon ranger (after all, that job would allow me to work outside), and in fact I did actually attempt to go through ranger school, starting when I was 16. The entire training program staff had impossible to meet expectations for me because of who my brother was, which put incredible amounts of pressure on my shoulders. But even with this added challenge, I excelled. My natural athleticism combined with my love and knowledge of all types of Pokémon put me near the top of my class. As the program reached its final two months, it was clear that Jonny Walker was going to follow in his brother’s fabled footsteps and become a great Pokémon ranger.

    But then something happened that would change my life. One thing I forgot to mention about myself is that I’m quite charming. And I’ve got an incendiary temper that’s nearly impossible for me to control at times. This combination of traits eventually led to my expulsion from the ranger academy. From the beginning of my time there, I was good friends (and often more than that) with almost every female, both student and ranger, which of course caused me minor problems from time to time. After all, jealous guys aren’t something you want to deal with under any circumstances. But I always managed to avoid any serious altercations until the last one which ended up getting me expelled from the school.

    It all started on my second to last test assignment, one that involved accompanying a fully licensed ranger on an actual assignment. I remember the day that all the students were given their assignments like it was yesterday.

    “Hey Jonny, what are the odds of one of us getting paired up with Ranger Rose?” My best friend at the school, a scrawny boy with brown hair and light green eyes which were covered in square, thin framed glasses, asked me.

    “Now, now Mr. Johnson.” I responded in a teasing tone. “I doubt either of us will be so lucky. And you know that Head Ranger Lermon wouldn’t let me get within ten miles of her if he had anything to do with it. You on the other hand, I’m sure he’d be alright with pairing you with her.” I pointed out to my closest friend, who just laughed at me.

    “Now, now Mr. Walker.” This was an intentional echo of my last words which was clearly meant as a mocking gesture. “I doubt that the Head Ranger would take something like that into consideration. Because after all, it’s a one in a billion shot that Rose would do anything with someone as ugly as you.” This insulting back and forth was something that Mikey and I did quite often; and not once did either of us feel truly insulted. When you feel as close to a friend as you do your own brother, brotherly interactions like constant teasing become natural. In some ways, Mikey was actually closer to me (and still is) than anyone else in my life. And the other reason I wasn’t insulted was that I knew I was far from ugly. The truth was that I was the polar opposite to ugly; I had been blessed with bright blue eyes that always seemed to make a girl weak in the knees, shaggy medium-long blonde hair that naturally had the mix between unkempt and neat that guys strive for by using all sorts of product, a rock hard body from years of rigorous physical activity and the tattoo on my left shoulder blade that gave off just a touch of the “bad boy” persona that every girl seems to love for some reason. And the fact that I knew how to dress, a characteristic that came from growing up in an upper class household, certainly didn’t hurt manners. I never left my room, even when I was going on a ranger assignment, without my favorite beaded shark-tooth necklace around my neck and my trademark amber aviators over my eyes.

    “Very funny Mikey.” The beaming smiles on both our faces showed anyone that might have been listening in that we were just messing with each other. “Now let’s go see the board.” I suggested to Mikey and the two of us walked over to the large screen where everyone’s assignments were posted. As we walked up to the crowd of our classmates, I could hear muttering about all sorts of things. But one thing I picked up was a ton of people, mostly guys, saying something along the lines of ‘Can you believe the assignment that Walker pulled?’ This of course meant one of three things. Either I had gotten a really dangerous assignment, an assignment that made everyone else jealous, or I was someone who was lucky enough to be returning to their home town.

    “Now we gotta see what assignment you got. Maybe you’re being sent high into the mountains by Snowpoint.” I frowned in feigned annoyance at this suggestion as we fought our way through the crowd. He only said this because he knew I hated the cold, even though I was an avid snowboarder (only because it was similar enough to skateboarding and surfing).

    “Funny… funny…” I murmured as I could finally see the screen. My eyes shot down towards the bottom of the large plasma screen display, looking for the line that began with ‘J. Walker’ and would have my location and ranger supervisor displayed. After what seemed like an eternity but was only a moment, I read my assignment in my head. I couldn’t believe my luck; I had been given quite possibly the best assignment ever. “Hey Mikey, check out my assignment. You think I’ll like it?” I asked teasingly.

    “Let me see… J. Walker… Ranger Supervisior / Partner / Tester – Ranger Daphne Rose. Location – Lilycove City, Harbor Outpost.” Seeing Mikey’s jaw drop further and further as he read the text to himself was enough for me to burst out in joyous laughter.

    “Can you believe it? I got my favorite Ranger supervising me and I get to go back to my favorite place in the entire world!” My joyous shouting made it apparent to everyone in the room with working ears that I was quite pleased with the assignment I had been given.

    “I’m your favorite Ranger? I think your brother wouldn’t be too happy to hear that Walker.” A faint pink blush crossed my face as I spun around to face Miss Rose, whose voice had been a tantalizing combination (as it usually was) of teasing, mocking and flirtatious. I didn’t even notice Mikey laughing at my inability to keep my cool for a few moments before sneaking away to find his own assigned partner.

    “Miss Rose.” I finally managed to say a bit hesitantly. “I didn’t see you there.” I admitted sheepishly as I finally gathered the courage to look directly into her deep grey eyes.

    “I figured you didn't,” Ranger Rose laughed. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have appeared so… excited about the notion.” Her dry and completely serious tone actually made me blush just a bit brighter, something that really was starting to annoy me. My inability to keep my head on straight around this woman, even though all logic told me that she was untouchable (being six years older than me at the time and also somewhat dating the Head Ranger).

    “You’re right of course.” I was just a touch mortified at what had transpired in those moments, but the veteran Ranger’s reassuring smile managed to prevent me from sulking. Of course, this had a lot to do with her physical appearance. She was the one woman that every guy at the school, student and Ranger alike, couldn’t keep their eyes off of. Besides her deep grey eyes that drove me wild, she had simply stunning hair. It was long and flowing and was a very similar blonde color to my own except she had dyed pink highlights that just served to make her look even more beautiful. I loved the fact that she let her hair down even when she was on an assignment; the only negative was that I would have to constantly remind myself to keep myself focused on my job. And I haven’t even gotten to the best part; she stood just over 5 and a half feet tall, which was the perfect compliment in terms of height to my 6 foot frame. And of course, being a Ranger and all, she didn’t have an ounce of visible fat on her body. Yet, she still managed the quite difficult feat of having “curves in all the right places” as they say.

    Miss Rose interrupted my thoughts with a simple request, one that I was only too eager to follow. “Walk with me Jonny.” If I hadn’t been so happy to agree to this, I would have noticed that she called me by my first name, something a veteran Ranger never did unless they were out in the field alone with a student. But I didn’t notice and the two of us walked off, me hanging on every word and she looking completely prepared and serious. “Now Mr. Walker…” She was back to calling me by my surname. “There are a few reasons that I requested you for this mission… and before you ask, so you can go surfing and clubbing at night was not one of them.” Seeing Miss Rose crack a thin smile made me chuckle and smile brightly right back.

    “I figured that would be the case. After all, club hopping isn’t exactly that useful of a skill for a ranger to have.” I saw Miss Rose suppress a giggle with her right hand for a brief moment, which made me happy beyond belief, before she continued with telling me about our assignment.

    “That would be correct.” It was amazing how quickly she seamlessly switched from flirty and playful to serious and business-like. “As for the actual reasons, one is that you’re a Lilycove native and clearly know your way around the city and some important people. The other is that out of all our rangers currently close enough to Lilycove to take the mission, you have some of the highest test scores and the most versatile skill set in and around the water.” This made a lot of sense to me. Since I grew up in Lilycove, in seventeen years I had more aquatic experience than most people had in a lifetime.

    “So this is clearly going to be a water-based assignment.” I pointed out the obvious for no reason really. “If I may, what exactly are we assigned to do?” The speed at which Miss Rose answered this question made it abundantly clear that she had one prepared already, just waiting for me to ask.

    “Over the last few weeks, we’ve received troubling reports regarding one of the largest Clamperl colonies just outside the harbor. It seems that their numbers are dropping and it’s clear from preliminary investigation that the cause is not natural. Our job is to protect the colony, figure out what is causing the population drop, and remove whatever element is the problem.” This explanation was delivered in an efficient and expedient manner.

    “So we’re leaving soon then?” I don’t exactly know why I asked this because it was obvious that we were on an urgent assignment.

    “Later tonight. Get packed now and I’ll come by your room in a couple of hours so we can reach the Lilycove Harbor ranger outpost by tomorrow morning.” Miss Rose told me curtly before turning and walking away.

    “How come it seems like you’ve got the incredible luck with these kind of things?” Mikey asked rhetorically as he walked over to me. “I mean I thought I might have a better assignment than you this time, but you just had to be given the most desirable location and partner out of the entire class. I just smiled brightly as I watched Miss Rose leave the room and it took me a few more moments before I answered Mikey.

    “Because everyone loves the charming rogue.” I said in a tone that sounded like it was completely serious, but Mikey knew better.

    “What, you think you can actually seduce her while still completing your assignment in a quick, professional and thorough manner?” Mikey asked jokingly, not expecting me to actually think I could pull it off.

    “If there’s anyone in this school, let alone on the planet, that could do it… it would be Jonathan James Walker.” Referring to myself in the third person was something that had always rubbed Mikey the wrong way, so I made sure to do it quite often because it was fun to annoy him. But, shockingly, Mikey didn’t laugh. In fact, he looked a bit worried as he cut me off.

    “Jonathan.” The fact that Mikey had called me by my given name instead of ‘Jonny’ or ‘JJ’ alerted me to the fact that he was about to bring up a serious issue. “Please, for your sake, don’t even think about trying anything with Ranger Rose.” Mikey muttered so only I could hear as we walked back towards the apartment that he and I shared. “Either possible outcome ends up with you in serious trouble. If you make a move and strike out, you know she’ll tell Lermon and you’ll be on the first train back to Lilycove before you can even say a word. And if, with the slimmest of chances, you end up actually pulling off the impossible, something will leak out and Lermon will again have you kicked out of here in a heartbeat.” For once in my life, logic triumphed fun inside my brain and I nodded.

    “Alright Mikey. You’re right.” I admitted just a bit reluctantly. “I think you may have saved me a serious headache.” I told my friend with a smirk on my face. “So I suppose I owe you for that.”

    “Nah, after all that’s my job.” Mikey teased me as we walked through the front door of our shared apartment. “Saving you from your own stupidity.” He added cheekily before we both went to work packing our bags so we were ready to leave for our assignments.


    Saving me from my own stupidity… Mikey was always doing that. Makes me think about the bond that we shared… and about the first time that he and I met.

    “Thank you for healing my Chimchar Miss Joy.” I was just ten years old at the time; a rookie trainer starting out on his journey from Lilycove City.

    “You’re more than welcome to wait here while I heal him. It should only take an hour or so.” The kind nurse offered before what appeared to her identical twin took Chimchar’s Poké Ball and went into a back room. Figuring there was nothing better to do, I took a seat on a soft couch in the lobby area of the Poké Center to wait for my Pokémon. Two minutes later, a boy around my age came in and handed a single Poké ball to the nurse as well.

    “Er… hi. You mind if I sit here?” The other boy pointed at the seat across from me. He was a bit shorter than me and he had glasses on that were just a bit too big for his face. He seemed a bit shy, but that wasn’t a problem for me. And I’m sure glad it wasn’t, because then I would have lost out on the best friend I ever had.

    “Sure thing.” I smiled a bit to seem more friendly. Even as a ten year old, I apparently had a great grasp on social situations. “I’m Jonny.”

    “Mikey Johnson.” Looking at a much younger Mikey, I couldn’t help but reflect on how much the two of us helped each other grow. Mikey was always the more shy and hesitant of the two of us, but having me around helped him to be more confident and assertive. At the same time, he kept me grounded and provided a voice of reason that I didn’t possess inside my own head.

    But the most important thing that Mikey gave me was a friend who was there for me through anything, no matter how serious. Someone that I could tell my deepest anxieties and most sacred secrets because I trusted him implicitly. We were fiercely loyal to each other and we treated each other as closer than brothers. But then why did I push him away when I left the academy… it shouldn’t have mattered that he became a Ranger and I didn’t… He would always be there for me… I guess, even with all the shit I’ve gone through, I still have someone I can turn too… someone that can bring the sun back out with a thin smile and a joke…


    Over the next two weeks, Miss Rose and I spent a lot of time surveying various parts of the ocean in a small speedboat. She had also ordered me to lay various alert traps near the remaining Clamperl, so if it was in fact a Pokémon poacher or hunter who was removing them in mass quantities, we could confront the thief. But after fourteen days, there was no sign of the poachers and the Clamperl numbers were staying constant. Being the impatient young man I am, the monotonous surveying and waiting would have been unbearable if there wasn’t a rather pleasant side effect. That being getting to know Miss Rose a lot better than I ever had before (and not to mention the fact that I got to see her in a swimsuit, her hair flowing in the wind from the speed of the boat) in that time.

    “JJ, what’s the status on the alert signals on the port side?” Miss Rose shouted over the noise of the engine. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the fact that Miss Rose had started calling me by my nickname rather than ‘Mr. Walker’ or just ‘Walker’ which was pretty cool. And the even more shocking thing: she had asked me to call her Daphne, something that a student never did to their mentor Ranger. I must have been hearing echoes of the promise that I had made to Mikey before leaving the school because I declined, telling her that I might slip up once we were back at school. So I kept calling her Miss Rose, but I had started flirting with her just a bit once again.

    “All silent, no disturbances since the last pass. As per the usual.” I answered softly, trying to mask the frustration in my voice. I apparently didn’t do a very good job of it because I heard Miss Rose slow the boat down to trolling speed and leave the wheel and take a seat next to me. She had of course closed the space between us to far closer than we had ever been before, something that I didn’t even notice because of the funk I was currently in.

    “JJ… you seem down.” Miss Rose stated this as a fact. “What’s wrong? You can talk to me you know.” She said quite tenderly, something that was shocking to me. While she and I had become close in the past two weeks, she had never sounded so caring before.

    “You know, I’m not really sure.” I answered honestly after thinking deeply for a few minutes. “I mean it’s unfortunate that we haven’t caught the poachers yet… but at the same time I know we’ve made sure that they couldn’t do anymore damage to the colony.” Once I got started talking, I just let the words flow. “But I think I’m just stressed. I’ve got so much pressure on my shoulders because my brother graduated at the very top of his class, and my parents expect me to do the same… and even though I’m in striking distance right now, I just have this worry that everyday we don’t make any progress on this… I might lose those final, critical points that will make the difference between final success and failure… and having to live up to such lofty expectations everyday… it’s not easy…” I was going to keep talking but I froze when I felt Miss Rose massage my shoulders lightly.

    “I can feel it. You’re one of the most stressed people I’ve ever seen.” Miss Rose broke the brief lingering moment of silence between us. “And that worries me JJ.” I raised my eyebrow after this last remark. I had no idea where she was going with that one.

    “My stress levels worry you?” I asked softly. “I suppose that’s my fault… I’m sorry Miss Rose. Forget I said anything.” I apologized quickly, trying to veer the conversation away from my own feelings.

    “And that’s exactly what I didn’t want you to do.” When Miss Rose said this, I could just tell that I looked absolutely confused. “You aren’t going to perform your best if you’re this tense… you need to relax. For both our sakes and for the sake of the mission.” I nodded, knowing that she was right.

    “Okay, I can do that.” I assured her. “Although I doubt you have the components that I use to blow off stress. You know… all the ingredients for a vodka martini.” I pointed out dryly. The fact that I was comfortable with admitting that I habitually broke one of the school’s most serious rules to one of the faculty members showed how close I now felt to Miss Rose. Because in the past two weeks, I had come to realize that she was the most incredible woman I had ever met. Getting to know her allowed me to see that she was so much more than just her supermodel like looks. I got to see her inner strength, her generosity, her ability to improvise in a difficult situation, the extent to which she loved all Pokémon and tens of other little things which would take me all day to list mentally.

    “You know as well as I do that all Ranger outposts are supposed to be completely dry facilities.” Miss Rose pointed out to me in a serious tone. Or it wouldn’t have been serious if I hadn’t noticed her playful smile. “But I’ve come up with a few tricks myself for blowing off steam while on an assignment.” Miss Rose said in a seductive tone, which made my head spin.

    “She can’t be… no… she wouldn’t…” I thought to myself, for some reason unable to articulate what my dreams had been filled of since the night we had first left the campus.

    “After we bring the boat in, we’re both going to head back to our rooms and shower. Meet me outside my bedroom door thirty minutes after we arrive back at the outpost.” These instructions were given in a tone that made it seem like I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Not like I would have gone against this request.


    The hour that spanned between that conversation and the moment that I found myself in front of her bedroom door. I had carefully fixed my hair and I was dressed for anything. This meant that I was dressed in an incredibly classy manner; I was wearing my necklace, a pair of black dress pants and a tight white sweater. My aviator sunglasses were perched in my hair because I was still inside and there was no need to wear sunglasses indoors. I took a couple of moments to compose myself before knocking on the door.
    “Who is it?” I heard Miss Rose’s voice from inside the room. She seemed anxious about something, but I didn’t dwell on that.

    “Ranger Walker, reporting for my latest assignment.” I answered in such a formal manner because there was always the possibility that someone would overhear and it would be a disaster if someone heard me or her use my first name at all. I had a few more moments to compose myself before the door opened a crack.

    “Hello Ranger Walker.” Miss Rose said louder than was necessary to make sure the formal greeting carried down the hallway so that anyone nearby could hear. “Do come in… please.” She said in a sultry tone as she loosely wrapped her arms around my neck. “So Walker, do you like what I meant by blowing off steam?” These last three words were whispered in such a lustful tone that any confusion between what she wanted and I wanted was completely erased.

    “Miss Rose, I… this is a dream come true. Literally.” I answered candidly.

    “Good. And JJ, call me Daphne.” She whispered in my ear which made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

    “Alright… Daphne.” That name felt a little bit strange rolling off of my tongue, but as soon as I said it, Daphne stood up on her toes and slammed her lips against mine in a searing and passion filled kiss. In one smooth motion, I spun Daphne around and threw us onto the bed. In mid-air, I kicked off both of my shoes with sufficient force to close the bedroom door.

    “Oh you’re good Jonny.” Daphne whispered in my ear as she turned me over. “Now show me just how good you are.”


    Romantic love had never been something I was interested in. The truth of the matter was that I was never ready for something like that. And can you blame me? I’m not even twenty yet… I’m not supposed to fall in love with someone and stay with them for the rest of my life.

    To me, love took on a completely different meaning. Though people who know me may not believe it, I can remember vivid details about almost every girl that has ever been in my life, even if it was for just one night. And of course I remember my first kiss quite vividly. After all, who doesn’t? I was thirteen at the time and I was in Lavaridge Town, having just received a gym badge after a brutal battle with Flannery, the fire-type gym leader.

    To relax, and to reward my team for their hard work, I went to the hot springs that the town was famous for. Once I got there, I dipped into the warm water and sighed in contentment. “I watched your battle today. You looked really good out there.” At this point, I realized that I wasn’t alone in the spring. Across from me was a girl who appeared to be about my age. Her straight honey colored hair was wet from the moisture and she appeared to be wearing a red bikini.

    “Er… um… thanks.” I had forgotten how much I stuttered like that. And then I realized something; this was the first time that I noticed a girl as something wonderful. Something different than just a person who happened to be of the other gender. This realization was something that would take over my life for the next four plus years, but I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Even with all the pain that it has caused me over the last two months… one mistake shouldn’t change my philosophy on the entire world, right?


    It took another two weeks for the poachers to fall for the traps that I had rigged in the dark blue water. Until that moment, it had seemed that Daphne and I were in for another day of drifting lazily until nightfall. But when we heard the sirens going off on the boat’s center console, we both leapt into action.

    “Four alarms set off! Alarms 1, 2, 4 and 7 are going off!” I announced because I was the quicker one to the display monitor. “This is definitely it!” I shouted to Daphne, who nodded and picked up a sea to shore radio and called for backup from the nearby Ranger Outpost.

    “Five rangers with an ETA of ten minutes are on their way!” Daphne shouted hurriedly as she started getting into a scuba suit. “Jonny, get over here and get into your underwater gear!” This sounded like an order, which I didn’t even think about following.

    “No time!” I exclaimed in a fiery fashion. “If our bubble traps didn’t get all of them, they might be getting away!” I explained rapidly as I stripped off my shirt, hat and sunglasses. “Bring an extra tank!” I added as I started running towards the back of the boat.

    “Walker! Don’t even think ab-” I didn’t hear the rest as I was already in the water, where I knew that I had a sizable advantage over the Clamperl poachers. Especially since they had set off four of our bubble traps. The bubble trap was a genius invention by the Ranger Research division. This trap was perfectly designed to capture both poachers and rampaging Pokémon. The trap worked by a motion sensing device (which was what I had placed all around the Clamperl colony on our first day on assignment) that when set off would snap a large polymer bubble into place that would hold even a rampaging Tyranitar in place. Once the bubble was in place, the inside would start filling with a blend of Sleep Powder and Stun Spore, leaving whatever was inside helpless but unharmed.

    It took me a couple of powerful kicks to reach the ocean floor where I could see four bubbles already starting to fill with the powdered spores. Even through the opaque beige spheres, I could see a man in each bubble banging desperately on the plastic. I could also see flashes of light that I knew as Pokémon attacks lighting up the bubbles from the inside. Working quickly, I swam over to each bubble in turn and hit a small button on the top of the trap. After each button was activated, the sphere in question would shoot up to the surface of the water, where it would be easy to collect the criminals and bring them in. After sending the last of the activated traps skyward, I shot towards the surface as well to refill my aching lungs.

    “Jonny! There’s two more getting away on that hovercraft!” It took me a brief second once I broke the surface to gain my bearings and realize that Daphne had pulled our boat right up next to me.

    “Gun it then Daph!” I exclaimed as soon as I had pulled my body up onto the vessel. “Four of them in those bubbles and they’re all out like a light.” I reported as Daphne began the pursuit of the hovercraft. As the poachers had picked a quiet, fuel efficient mode of transportation instead of simply picking the fastest thing they could get their corrupt hands on, our speedboat was able to gain ground quickly. When we had closed to within twenty meters, I noticed that the two poachers had called out a Houndoom and a Typhlosion, presumably to attack our boat. “They’re going to fire on us!” I alerted Daphne, who nodded and sent out her partner Pokémon, which was her Gardevoir. I reached into my waterlogged khaki shorts and sent out my own partner Pokémon, which happened to be Infernape. I barely had time to look up when I saw two bursts of white-hot flame headed directly for our boat. “Infernape, Stone Edge!” The bursts of flame were coming closer as my fire type leapt into the air and conjured a barrage of sharp rocks, which he used to deflect the jets of flame straight up into the sky.

    “Gardevoir, Thunderbolt! Aim for the engine!” As Infernape landed safely on the deck of our vessel, I tracked the arcing path of Gardevoir’s powerful electric attack. Just when I was sure that it was going to hit the thieves’ engine and put a quick end to the chase, the hovercraft jerked sharply to the left. The Thunderbolt attack missed its mark and had soon shot out of sight. “Arceus damnit! I missed!”

    “Don’t worry about that!” I told Daphne quickly. “Just worry about getting us closer to that hovercraft!” In the back of my mind, I knew that the two of us were likely getting into a very dangerous situation. We were speeding away from the direction that our backup was being summoned from and each foot we moved closer to the black hovercraft made it more likely that we would get hit by a devastating attack. But Daphne didn’t question my suggestion; she just nodded and sped up. I took just an instant to look ahead at the hovercraft when I noticed something bad. “We’ve got a situation here.”

    “What is it?” I had noticed that the poachers had sent out two more Pokémon. Which meant that we were outnumbered. I glanced up to the sky and then down to the sea. No Pokémon that I could capture with my styler to help us in this four on two. And now bursts of flame were shooting past us in all directions because Infernape and Gardevoir couldn’t hold off four attackers.

    “We’re outnumbered four to two!” I reported. “And there’s no Pokémon nearby that we can call to our aid!” I took a deep breath and realized that if there was ever a time to break ranger regulations, it was now. “Daph, toss me my backpack!” I exclaimed! “I have a solution!” Seconds later, my red and white pack shot into my arms, thanks to Gardevoir’s Psychic.

    “What’s in your backpack?” I knew that the answer to this question was a serious breach of Ranger regulations, but at the moment I didn’t care all that much.

    “Remember how I told you that I habitually break the dry campus regulation?” I asked Daphne, who nodded with a quizzical expression plastered on her face as she drove the boat. Since I wasn’t sending attacks, she had been forced to dodge on her own and her luck wouldn’t hold out much longer. “Well that’s not the only part of the Ranger creed I didn’t bother obeying.” I answered with a sly smile on my face as I held two Poké balls up in the air. “I couldn’t abandon my friends, so I kept them all here with me.” I was grinning from ear to ear as I called out my Kingdra and Electivire to assist us. “Infernape, Blast Burn! Electivire and Kingdra, Thunder Pump!” I shouted and Daphne moved the boat closer once again as my trio of powerful battlers fired their attacks. Thunder Pump was a move that I had invented for double battles back before I had gone to Ranger School. Kingdra would send his most powerful Hydro Pump at the opponent, or in this case hovercraft, and Electivire would turn that water into a deadly electrical vortex with his powerful Thunder attack. This unexpected move worked perfectly on the poachers. The charged water slammed into the hovercraft and shorted out the engine of the vessel, bring the poacher’s escape to a shocking halt. But their misfortune had just begun. For Infernape’s Blast Burn sent a high powered jet of flames into the craft’s now disabled engine.

    “Down!” Daphne had seen where the flames were headed moments before I did, but moments was all it took for her to tackle me to the deck. And it’s a good thing she did because I hadn’t even hit the wood paneled floor when the hovercraft in front of us exploded in a burst of flames. Instinctively, I rolled over on top of Daphne as a blast of scalding hot air passed over us. The cool water on my back prevented my shirtless torso from getting burned and my body protected Daphne from the wall of heat. It was less than ten seconds after Infernape had launched his ultimate fire technique when Daphne and I slowly stood up and looked at the spot where the hovercraft had been. All we could see right away was smoking wreckage. I gasped, realizing that I had killed four Pokémon. But just as I was about to break down out of guilt, Daphne cut me off. “There’s one. Two… three… four.” I was beaming when Daphne counted off the last of the poacher’s Pokémon.

    “Guess it’s a good thing that they were all at least part fire type.” I mused as I heard loud sirens off in the distance. “And there’s the cavalry. Just in time as always.” I let out a massive sigh of relief as I slumped up against the side of the boat, mentally and emotionally drained from the battle. Even if it had been somewhat brief, the danger factor was more than stressful enough for me.



    I was feeling like nothing could possibly go wrong, which is something I should have never let myself think. But to be fair, Daphne had given me a perfect score in every category that my performance was graded on, shooting me up to the top of the class. And in addition to that, I was sure that Daphne and I would continue our relationship in secret until I graduated… So it was with a smile on my face that I reported to Head Ranger Lermon’s office the first morning after Daphne and I had returned from my assignment.

    “Mr. Walker.” Head Ranger Lermon, a muscular man with a brown crew cut and dark brown eyes said in a stern voice as I entered the room and sat down in the empty chair on my side of his desk. “I must say I’m quite impressed with your performance on your last official assignment in the field. Veteran Ranger Rose wrote a glowing review on your behalf… in fact she gave you the highest score she has ever given a student on a field-assignment performance assessment.” This made me smile brightly because now I knew that she really did care about me and that she wasn’t using me as some sort of stress reliever. “Now Mr. Walker, why do you think you received such a glowing assessment from Ranger Rose?” Lermon asked me in a much quieter tone then I had ever heard him use before. This should have set off alarm bells in my mind, but since I felt on top of the world, I wasn’t nearly as wary as I should have been.

    “Because I did my job above and beyond the standards that are asked of a ranger, sir.” I answered in this formal style because that is what Head Ranger Lermon expected of his students. “With the help, support and advice of my partner Veteran Ranger Rose, I was able to assess every dilemma that threatened completion of our assignment and complete the mission without having a single Pokémon wounded by the poachers. We were also able to prevent any damage to the ecosystem and Ranger property and we were able to subdue the poachers without resorting to harmful force.” I replied with a brief speech that sounded just a bit rehearsed, which it was.

    “There is one type of person I cannot accept under my command.” Lermon told me bluntly. “And do you know what type of person that is?” He asked me, which took me completely by surprise.

    “Er… Head Ranger sir… I do not know what type of person that is.” I answered hesitantly after thinking about his question for a moment. “I honestly do not know what you mean by that question sir…” I trailed off as my stomach dropped through the floor. It was as if my subconscious knew what was happening before my mind had processed it.

    “Mr. Walker, the one kind of person I cannot accept under my command is a liar.” Head Ranger Lermon told me after a moment. He then hit a button on his desk, revealing a screen on one of the side walls of the room. “Now Ranger Walker, I want you to watch this video. And then you and I need to talk.” The hint of a smile on Lermon’s face, something that he never, ever did, scared me more than anything I had ever seen before. He hit another button and I watched in shock and horror as the video tape was surveillance footage from the hallway by Daphne’s room in the campus staff building. I couldn’t look away from the grainy video even though I already knew exactly what was going to happen. Lermon and I watched myself look back and forth twice before knocking on Daphne’s door. I could just make out the door opening. Lermon frowned angrily as Daphne threw her arms around my neck and pulled me into her bedroom before the door slammed shut. Lermon cut off the video and I felt the need to say something.

    “Head Ranger sir… that’s not what it looks like.” I mumbled rather lamely. “Veteran Ranger Rose simply wanted to go over my report with me before…”

    “SILENCE WALKER!” Lermon shouted at me, clearly enraged now. “YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR RANGER PARTNER, WHICH IS STRICTLY AGAINST REGULATIONS, AND THEN YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO LIE TO ME ABOUT IT?”At this point, I wanted nothing more to yell right back at Lermon, to tell him that Daphne would rather be with me and there was nothing he could do about it. But I also knew that loosing control would end up with me getting expelled, just like Mikey had predicted 31 days earlier. So I did the only thing I could; which was to let Lermon vent and not say a word in retaliation. Finally, after the enraged man took a few deep breaths, his voice was back to its normal stern and even state. “For such an… egregious breach of Ranger regulations… I would be completely justified to kick you out of this school.” The ‘I would’ made me realize that I wasn’t going to get expelled, but I was still incredibly worried about what was going to happen. “But because of a number of factors… including your high scores on every examination of your abilities, your brother’s excellent work and your family’s ongoing relationship with the Rangers… you will be able to stay and graduate.” Lermon paused for a brief moment before continuing his judgment on my future. “You can stay and graduate provided you agree to, and do not breach a few conditions.”

    I took a deep breath to steady my voice. “Yes sir. I will agree to the conditions that you will set down. Graduating and becoming a full-fledged ranger is my number one priority right now.”

    “You made a smart, mature decision Ranger Walker.” Lermon told me. “Now before I list these conditions, I have one question to ask you. Did you tell anyone about your misconduct?” I was angry enough with Lermon to lie right to his face.

    “No sir. I haven’t told anyone.” I lied smoothly enough that Lermon didn’t call me out on it. The truth was that I had told one person about my affair with Daphne, that one person of course being Mikey. I knew that Mikey hadn’t betrayed me to Lermon, so I knew that Lermon had simply been watching me the entire time after I had gotten back to the academy.

    “Good. That’s my first condition. You will not tell anyone what happened between yourself and Ranger Rose.” Lermon told me and I nodded, showing I accepted this condition. Because after all, it wasn’t like I was going to tell anyone else besides Mikey anyways. “My second condition is that you will not speak to Ranger Rose for the duration of your time on campus.” This one was going to be much harder for me to bear, but I also knew that I could wait a month before I graduated and the deal was null and void.

    “I accept.” Seeing Lermon stand up, I followed suit. He held out his hand and I shook it, signaling that we had a deal. I started to walk out of the room when Lermon started to speak once again.

    “You really put quite a wrench in my plans Walker… you’re lucky I’m feeling merciful.” He was talking mostly to himself; in fact, I don’t even know if he noticed my presence still in the room. I froze in mid-step as I clenched my fists involuntarily. “This is the closest I’ve come to having someone steal Daphne from me.” I then realized he had only gotten me to agree to his contract so I wouldn’t be able to see Daphne or make it public that we had feelings for one another. It was a smart plan but it was only possible because Lermon had all the leverage. Lermon was pushing my temper to the limit and I felt myself slowly walking over to Lermon, who had just stood up and was pacing his room deep in thought. “Well it will all work out because Miss Rose will see the error of her ways after I speak to her.” That last sentence did it. I didn’t have any control over my actions anymore. All I wanted to do was hurt Lermon. I walked right up to the Head Ranger and tapped him on the shoulder, which brought him out of his thoughts. “Walker? You’re still here? What is it?”

    In a voice colder than ice, I answered Lermon’s question. “After thinking it over, I’ve decided that I’m not going to follow that contract.” I saw the stunned look in Lermon’s eyes for just an instant before I wound up and slugged the bane of my existence with a rage and adrenaline fueled right hook. Watching Lermon go down from a single punch was one of the most temporarily satisfying moments I have ever been a part of. “You son of a bitch.” I muttered under my breath. “I’ll ruin you for this.” I added before sprinting out of the office. I had two stops to make before getting the hell off of campus.

    After Lust, Wrath was the deadly sin that I would associate with myself the most. I never could control my temper and it always seemed to get me in trouble. The problem was that I care too much about the people I’m close to. Whenever someone would go after a friend of mine, I would lose all rational judgment in a heartbeat. Ironically, Mikey was the one who always tried to calm my temper down even though he was the reason that someone set it off most of the time. Since he was somewhat small for our age and a bit shy and nervous when he was by himself, people tended to pick on him. And eventually, I would see it and just snap. Even though I have no idea how many times I got in trouble after beating some guy into a bloody pulp, it’s not like I’d ever make the decision to change my ways. Even though there’s probably a better solution to that type of problem, I’m okay with how I handled these things… no matter the ending consequences.


    “Who is it?” Daphne asked in a depressed sounding voice, which hurt me more than anything Lermon had said or done thus far.

    “JJ.” I answered and I almost smiled when I heard her shocked gasp. Moments later, Daphne threw the door open and literally flung herself into my arms.

    “Oh JJ! I’m so sorry… so sorry.” Daphne started to cry, which broke my heart into tiny pieces. “Look what I’ve done to you… It’s all my fault.”

    “Daphne… please don’t cry.” I said softly. “It’s not your fault.” I told her before kissing her lightly on the lips for a brief moment.

    “Are you…” Daphne started to ask in an anxious voice.

    “Yes. I’m no longer a prospective ranger.” I answered sadly. “But I’ll be okay.” I told her in an attempt to comfort her. After we said a tearful goodbye, during which I promised Daphne I’d find a way out for her, I took off to my apartment.


    “Jonathan. What the hell happened?” Mikey asked me after I ran into our apartment. He could see the look of part hatred and part heartbreak on my face as I started throwing things sloppily into my suitcases.

    “The bastard caught us Mikey.” I told my best friend angrily. “He had surveillance tape of us kissing.” I explained. “Then he threatened to expel me from the school…” I stopped for a moment. “And then he had the nerve to start rubbing it in as I left his office.”

    “Jonathan… please tell me you didn’t…” Mikey was dreading what I was about to tell him.

    “He got to me. I tried my best to control myself… but he got to me.” I answered and Mikey sighed. “I dropped him with one shot to the jaw.” Mikey gasped.

    “You knocked out Lermon?” Mikey was shocked.

    “Yeah. That’s why I’m running right now. I’ve got to get out of here before Lermon comes to.” I explained as I finished packing. “Mikey, I need you to do me two favors.” I asked him. “The first is that I want you to take my place at the top of our class.” I requested and Mikey smiled sadly as he nodded. “And the second, and probably the harder one, is that I need you to take care of her for me.” I was completely devastated that I had to ask that question and Mikey could tell.

    “You know I’ll do whatever I can.” Mikey told me softly before I shook his hand.

    “We may both have brothers by blood, but the bond between brothers by choice runs just as deep.” We both said at the same time before I picked up both of my suitcases and ran out of the room.



    The last night I spent with Daphne was the last night I was truly happy because out of spite, Lermon set out to completely ruin my life. His first act, and the one I knew was coming, was that Lermon officially expelled me from Ranger Training School and stripped all the accolades that I had earned during my training. The second thing he did was that he sent a detailed letter to my parents, telling them exactly why I had been kicked out of the Rangers. My father went ballistic, and if it wasn’t for my mother he would have disowned me and kicked me out of the house for bringing shame onto the family name. But in the two months since my father read that letter, he hasn’t even said five words to me. The devastating thing was that Lermon wasn’t done. His final way of breaking me was to blackmail Daphne into staying at the School. He made it very clear that if she left, he would have her arrested for having relations for me because I was seventeen at the time. And that is how one loss of control over my temper ruined my life. I’m just glad that it’s all over now… no more pain… no more heartache…

    Heartbreak is not something I’ve had much experience with, which now that I think about it explains why I don’t deal with it well. Besides Daphne, I’ve only felt this way once in my entire life. I was sixteen at the time. For the first time in my life, I was with a girl that I could see myself spending a long time with. I thought we were very compatible and I thought she felt the same way about me that I did about her. But… she did not feel the same way and one night she called me up and told me it was over. I was shocked and hurt. It felt like someone had sliced my heart in two with a blade. But I got over it… Wait, I got over it…

    I’ve been thinking about this all wrong. Instead of feeling alone and abandoned, I should have realized that I still have people sticking by me… Instead of swearing off what caused the problem, I should have realized that it wasn’t the girl’s fault and that we spent some wonderful time together… Instead of bringing myself down with these feelings of self-loathing, I should have realized that even though I’m not perfect no one is. And I’m okay with that… Instead of thinking that I would never get over loosing her, I should have realized that I’ve already done it before… Instead of feeling hopeless, I should have faith that I can turn things around. Instead of wanting to die… I should want to live… What have I been doing to myself? Why did I want it all to end? Sure it hurts now, but I can turn it around. I have before… that’s it then… I WANT TO LIVE DAMNIT!


    And then, with that epiphany, my world went black.


    As Jonny went unconscious, his final declaration and all of the feelings behind it sent a powerful wave of emotion out for miles. However, emotion isn’t exactly a tangible thing that humans can track, so it wasn’t as if these strong feelings would bring a rescue crew. However, they did attract the attention of one lone Riolu, the one Pokémon that could sense distant emotions if they were strong enough. The red and white Riolu, who had been wandering the beach alone, jerked up when the thought “I WANT TO LIVE!” hit the young jackal’s mind like a sledgehammer. In what felt like an eternity but was just a passing moment, the Riolu felt all of Jonny’s true feelings. He could feel the pain, sadness and regret. But what caught the fighting type’s attention was the strong feeling of wanting a second chance to turn his life around. Acting off of a feeling of compassion for the unknown human, Riolu sprinted down the beach and dove into the water. Even though the waves of emotion that acted like a homing beacon towards Jonny were weakening as the teen’s life began to slip away, Riolu was still able to track him. The red and white jackal swam as fast as he could and he managed to reach Jonny, whose Aura was weakening fast. Knowing that it was a race against time, Riolu grabbed Jonny’s left arm in his teeth and swam to the surface as hard as he could.

    For a few moments, the Riolu thought that the human might be too heavy to bring up alone. But feeling like he was the boy’s only hope brought Riolu a second wind and he was able to break the surface. The small Pokémon gasped for air before grabbing Jonny with his left paw and slowly making his way back to land. The trip was made somewhat easier by the fact that the crashing waves from the storm forced Riolu and Jonny back towards land. As soon as Jonny was far enough up the beach to be safe from the powerful storm surge, Riolu bent down and noticed that Jonny’s Aura, while still weak, had stabilized. Even though he had no training with humans, the Aura-sensitive Pokémon instinctively knew that this meant that the boy would be alright. Riolu’s instincts were proved correct when Jonny naturally started breathing slowly on his own once more.




    The moment I came back to the world of the waking, I began coughing and spitting up what seemed like half the ocean. This alerted me to the surprising fact that I was still alive. Which of course led me to start trying to figure out how I had survived. The last waking moment I remembered was the water rushing into my mouth when I had lost the ability to hold my breath. “How… how am I still alive?” I asked myself as I struggled to lift my head. My entire body felt like it was on fire. “Damn, that wave really thrashed me…” I muttered before noticing that no one was around. “So what saved me? Was it divine intervention? Did something high above hear my last request?” I asked before hearing a rustling from a nearby bush. I turned my head towards the source of the noise, waiting for whatever was making the noise to reveal itself. I didn’t have to wait long, as moments later a white and red Pokémon hopped out of the bush with a small bunch of berries in its hands. At this point, I was sure I was seeing things. Probably the result of a possible concussion. Or worse. “Riolus are blue and black, not white and red.” I said softly to myself as the Riolu ran over to me and dropped the berries onto my stomach.

    “Rio! Rio! Lu Rio Lu!” The unusually colored fighting type was gesturing at the berries first and then my mouth. It took me only a few moments to realize that the Riolu was telling me to eat the berries. Figuring there was no reason not to trust the Pokémon, I grabbed the berries and flicked them into my mouth one by one. The juice, although just a bit sour, felt incredibly good travelling down my throat and after swallowing the last berry I felt strong enough to shakily stand. I was about to say something to the Riolu when the fighting type thrust his right arm at my heart and fired a blue sphere into my chest. I gasped when the attack hit me, but I was confused when I didn’t fall over or feel any pain. Instead, I felt an inner strength and peace that I hadn’t felt since that fateful day. Again, I was about to thank the Riolu when something else strange began to happen. I heard a deep, yet soothing voice begin to speak to me. “Jonathan Walker! You have been saved because you have a caring heart and a good mind. The pain and heartbreak that you suffered that day was not something you deserved. But, you cannot give up on your life because of one setback. You must keep moving forward and you will be able to reverse past wrongs!” And as suddenly as it had came, the voice vanished. Even though I didn’t realize right away that the source of the voice was the red and white Riolu standing by my side, I knew that the voice was completely right. Hearing that voice had given me the strength to attempt to take back my life instead of just wasting away alone and bitter. When I realized the fact that the source of the voice was the Riolu, it occurred to me that the Pokémon had saved my life not once, but twice. Feeling extremely grateful, I knelt down next to the fighting type and said,

    “Thank you young Riolu. You have saved my life twice today.” I said softly as I noticed something else. The black storm clouds had passed and the beach was bathed in brilliant sunlight. “I am in your debt. If there is anything I can do for you… please just ask.” I actually smiled, a feeling that I could barely remember. I was shocked when the Riolu started pointing at my backpack which was a few feet away. I walked over to the soaked and likely ruined pack, not really sure what the Riolu wanted. As I was going through the pack, I came across an empty Poké ball, which I always carried as a spare. When I picked up the ball, Riolu started hopping up and down and it took a minute for me to figure out what he wanted. Once it hit me, I smiled even brighter and asked, “Do you want to come along with me on my newfound quest to turn my life back around?” Seeing the Riolu nod, I tossed him the Poké ball to the small fighting type, which caught the sphere with ease. “If you’re sure, just tap the center button.” I told Riolu and then waited for him to make a final decision.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2010
  2. Neighborhood-Guest

    Neighborhood-Guest My Legs!

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    Claimed for Grading. :)
     
  3. Neighborhood-Guest

    Neighborhood-Guest My Legs!

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    Sorry this took so long. >_>

    My first Complex grade! Let's see how I do...

    Introduction:
    When I read through this the first time, before I knew anything about the wild ride that JJ had endured over the course of the past couple of months of his life before his attempted suicide, I felt that this introduction was pretty good. It drew me into the story because I really wanted to know why someone would be relating these thoughts about dying and why thoughts of death would automatically link to surfing for them. As I read the rest of the first paragraph, I found out about the suicide, and that, in turn, further drew me in, because I wanted to know why JJ would be so desperate to throw his life away.

    This is normally the part where I say something along the lines of, "Good job with this," but I'd like to point something else out to anyone who wishes to read this.

    After you've read through this story a first time, recently enough that you know what went on in the story, re-read this introduction, and take note particularly of the bold part of the above quote. Now relate it to JJ's life as he told us in the story, and realize that this line is, for lack of a better word, genius. It alerts us of what is to come in the story even before we know what's going on in it, and that is a powerful way to introduce your story to the reader. It's even more powerful when you realize that JJ's being unable to handle these events is turned completely on its head at the last moments of his epiphany. Even if they don't necessarily pick up on what you're hinting at with this line, by the end of the story, the readers will understand the meaning that this line conveyed to them way back when they first started reading.

    In short, your introduction was excellent. It draws readers into the world you've created, and shows them very early that what they're about to experience is a life-changing event in a character's life. I absolutely approve.

    Plot:
    This is gonna be a long one, so I'm going to try to condense my summary as much as possible. Here we go...

    After a somber introduction, JJ, the main character, lets us into his life immediately before his attempted suicide, so that we can see exactly why he'd go and do that. As it turns out, he's a Pokemon Ranger-in training at a prestigious school, and he's only months away from graduating. He has some big shoes to fill, because his brother is one of the best Rangers that ever lived, but his abilities are not to be laughed at, either: he is at the top of his class thanks to his intelligence. His best friend, Mikey, keeps him out of trouble, and the two have as close a bond as a blood connection.

    JJ receives his next assignment, and couldn't be happier: he's being sent home to Lilycove, and he's going with his favorite Ranger (but don't tell his brother he said that), Miss Rose. At first, he believes her to be untouchable - boy, is that going to change. They set out for Lilycove, where they start their mission of catching some Clamperl poachers in the act and arresting them. Along the way, JJ becomes quite close to Ranger Rose - so close, in fact, that he commits an extremely heinous act that goes against every regulation not only in the Ranger school, but also in several countries in the real world. Not long after, the poachers attempt to collect their pearls, but four are caught in an expertly-designed trap set by JJ and Daphne (Ranger Rose). The other two attempt to escape, using their Pokemon to try to blow JJ's boat out of the water. With the help of some old friends and Ranger backup, JJ and Daphne manage to defeat the poachers and arrest them.

    Back on campus, Head Ranger Lermon is less than pleased: he caught JJ and Daphne in the act via a conveniently-placed surveillance camera in the hotel they were staying at. After imposing a contract on JJ that will allow him to graduate, but force him away from Daphne, Lermon gloats about his victory, which only ends in him being knocked the hell out by JJ. He then flees the school after saying good-bye to Mikey and Daphne. In the days following, Lermon takes any measure he can to ruin JJ's life, and, forced into depression and heartbreak by the recent events, JJ does what he loves best as a last act of desperation: he goes surfing. Surfing during a violent storm that ends with him within inches of drowning.

    We then find out that all this time, JJ has been seeing these events himself in a life review; that helps explain the italicized thoughts that bridged the gaps from one part of the story to another. Having seen what he has done throughout his life, JJ realizes that he was going about this all wrong, and wants nothing more than a second chance at things so that he can redeem himself and make something out of his life. He wants to LIVE, DAMMIT!

    ...And then, he blacks out.

    As it turns out, a Riolu was not too far off from where JJ had attempted suicide, and, using its budding powers over Aura, it sensed the emotional wave that JJ sent out at the end of his epiphany. Knowing that he's the only thing that can save the human, the Riolu dives in after JJ and manages to salvage him from an otherwise watery grave. JJ wakes to find himself still alive, withe the Riolu standing nearby. It uses its Aura powers to manipulate JJ's Aura, giving him a feeling of inner peace that centers him on his quest to redeem himself. Out of gratitude for the Riolu's heroic actions, JJ offers him a place in his team as he sets out to turn his life around.

    If you want the short version of this plot, it's a complex plot for a complex Pokemon. But that doesn't do justice to what I'd like to say about it, so I'll keep going.

    I really enjoyed this plot. It's definitely original and deviates quite nicely from many life stories thanks to all of the tragic happenings that JJ had to endure. To be honest, I'd be surprised if you managed to come up with something more complex than this for something in a higher category! You did a great job fleshing out all of the points that you brought up, and the life review was done very well (more about that in the Details section). While the Head Ranger's surveillance camera was a bit on the deus ex machina side, it didn't really affect the overall flow of the story, in my opinion.

    For now, I think that's enough for me to say about the plot. The Details section is going to be long enough as it is, so I don't want to go into too much detail here. But yes, great job coming up with such a complex plot, as well.

    Dialogue:
    I also thought that the dialogue was good. As I've put in my previous Grades, one of the most important uses of dialogue is getting across the personalities of the characters involved in the story. I could really get a sense of the brotherly bond that Mikey and JJ shared from their colloquial conversations, and the growing relationship that Daphne and JJ got into as the story went on.

    However, there is something that I noticed about your dialogue in this story. At times, you would get the colloquial speech of teenagers just right, like this:

    However, at other times, the lines would sound awkward when recited out loud, especially as a conversation piece. For example:

    Compared to the previous quote, this one doesn't have the same colloquial feel to it that really reinforced the point that Mikey and JJ are, in the end, still teenagers. I highly doubt that I would be able to say the above line in an average, one-on-one conversation and make it sound colloquial at the same time.

    When you're making lines of dialogue, one of the best methods to check whether or not it sounds awkward is to read the line aloud, and see how it sounds when you say it. So, instead of the above line, something like this would sound much more like something that a person would say in pleasant conversation:

    While normally, lots of details and colorful language are encouraged, in dialogue, doing so may not be the best thing for the mood you're trying to set. It's not always better to be detailed when your characters say something, because if the line comes off as awkward, it only makes the exchange more jarring. Like I said, read your dialogue aloud when writing, and ask yourself, "Could I say this to my friends and not sound like I'm overdoing it?" If the answer is no, you'll probably want to edit that line and make it a little less colorful.

    This, of course, all depends on the characters you're using and their personalities. For example, a stereotypically rich person would use some fancy language when talking. In the case of this story, however, a more friendly approach to the dialogue would have made it flow much more smoothly.

    Grammar:
    I gave you some tips in my unofficial Grade here; while the suggestions I made were implemented most of the time, I still found some instances where you didn't correct them. Be careful when you're proofreading, and make sure that you run through the story with the suggestions in mind, fixing up anything that looks to be in the same situation as the examples I gave. For the most part, you did so, and I'm sure that you'll implement those suggestions in the future, so I'm not too worried about it.

    Additionally, I would like to add a few more suggestions. A particular thing that I noticed about this piece was that it didn't really have anything to convey a transition in the story from one scene to another. While I did notice that you skipped more lines in between the majority of your transitions, an indication would be a nice touch. For example:

    While it isn't necessarily the best way to make a transition, it indicates the transition much easier than extra spacing does. This is helpful to readers because scene transitions aren't always blatantly obvious, so by placing a break in the text, they will know for sure that the story is switching to another scene.

    Something else I noticed was that you labeled the dialogue with modifiers whenever someone spoke. For example:

    It's not necessary for you to label the dialogue with these modifiers every time someone speaks. I believe I referenced this in my unofficial Grade, but I'll show you how to correct it again for good measure:

    You'll notice that I left the part in bold up there as-is. That's because the statement there doesn't modify the sentence in quotes before it. Now, if it had gone like this:

    See how I added the comma there? When you use a word like "said" to modify a quote that would normally end in a period, you place a comma at the end of the sentence in quotes. In order to modify the sentence, the word "said" has to be in the same sentence as the dialogue; with a comma there, they are considered in the same sentence.

    Lastly, make sure that you give a new speaker a new paragraph for their dialogue. There were a few points in the story when you had two people speaking in the same paragraph, and that's not proper form, so it's worth correcting in the future.

    This is a lot to take in all at once and my description of the second to last rule may have been less than adequate, I feel. If you need me to explain it again, don't hesitate to let me know via PM or VM.

    Detail and Description:
    I'm going to start off by posting up my explanation of life reviews from my PM to you, since I feel it will help anyone else reading this understand that you did, in fact, do the life review correctly in this story.

    The information, based on the original version of this story:

    Life reviews, as a plot device, are not realistic. Events don't flash before your eyes in chronological order; they appear randomly, with vivid details that may not have been picked up on when the event actually happened. For this reason, there are "random" memories in between some points in the story that directly pertain to the feelings and observations that JJ has at the time they come in.

    This was an excellent addition to the story because I really felt like JJ's epiphany at the end of the story was a more powerful moment thanks to these seemingly "random" memories. Though he experienced a lot of hardships in the past couple of months, fond memories of the past made him realize that his take on life wasn't the best, and it ended up with him living in the end.

    I felt like the details of this story kind of weaned in the ending; it felt sort of rushed compared to the rest of the story, which had excellent detail for something written in the first-person. After the climax of the story, when JJ had his epiphany, the resolution dropped off very quickly. It probably would have been a bit better for JJ to wake up and describe the beach some more, considering he was just waking up from an attempted suicide. You could have then tied in the details of describing his surroundings to realizing that he was, in fact, still alive.

    I'm glad that you put in more detail about the Riolu and its significance to JJ's survival in this version. Before, it seemed tacked onto the end; any Pokemon could have saved JJ in that version, but in this one, you really give us an idea of why this Riolu was the only one that could have rescued him. Good job with that.

    Something I noticed:

    I would think that a Blast Burn to the engine of a hovercraft would cause it to explode into several pieces, causing damage to Daphne and JJ's craft as well as scattering debris all over the ocean floor. And let's not get started on potential oil spills...but that's me nitpicking, so we will move on!

    Battle:
    Much better than the previous version. As I explained in my unofficial Grade, there was no battle in the previous version, and that hurt your chances of getting the Riolu. In this version, you give a very detailed account of how Daphne and JJ captured the poachers and had them arrested, which enhanced the overall experience greatly.

    Length:
    Riolu is in the Complex category; the suggested length for Pokemon in this category is 30,000 to 40,000 characters. Your story is 56,499 characters; this is well above the suggested length. Excellent job! :)

    Outcome:
    Drum roll, please...

    ...

    The Riolu reached down towards the Poke Ball, and clicked the center button with his paw. The Ball opened, enveloping him in a soft red light.

    He smiled to Jonathon as he was dematerialized and sent inside the Ball. It rocked gently in the sand before slowing to a halt.

    Gotcha! Riolu was caught!

    The original version of this story definitely left me on the fence about the outcome; really, it could have gone either way, depending on the mood of the Grader that claimed the story. While I still think that there are some things you can work on (as suggested above), I have little doubt that you've now earned this Riolu.

    Enjoy your catch!