He wanted a family, she did not.

When he looked at it, he saw what he always wanted to see in life. The Pokemon epitomized happiness and joy and he knew then and there that what he saw, he wanted. The cool metallic Pokemon swayed hovering, child-like, messing about with one little blue key. The way the curious little Pokemon played with the key, and the sheer look of wonderment on its face was what the man wanted to see in his life; he wanted a child.

The childhood wonder and curiosity towards the world - the chance to experience something fresh and new and exciting all at once. He wanted to see the wonder, and teach his child to love and be happy and play baseball and dance if they wanted to do that kind of thing. He saw how the Klefki spun when it was happy, how it swished and swayed throughout the household as it went about its day. Its simple life was pretty close to perfect, and that's what the man wanted.

She came to realize that what this Pokemon required was not something she was prepared for. She saw how much it required: how it needed to be fed every few hours and how it cried and wailed when it saw a shiny new key. She thought of this creature that she once loved as something she now hated and couldn't stand anymore. It was so needy and she knew that what he wanted she did not want. She could not want.

"Get a Pokemon," they all had said eagerly when they found out that the couple were moving in together for the first time. He was eighteen and smart and funny and always knew the right thing to say. She was nineteen and creative and pretty and never knew the right thing to say. They were both definitely too young, everyone seemed to agree. "Get a Pokemon," they insisted. They got a Pokemon.

He saw how it played with the keys. He envied how the little Fairy type got so much enjoyment out of the toys keys that he collected and hid and did whatever he pleased with them. He saw the Klefki learning, and that made him happy. A child would be his legacy, and he wanted that.

She looked at the loop that kept all those rings together. This simple circle was never ending and closed. Sealed and trapped, without escape. When she looked at Klefki's body all she could think of was how it reminded her of marriage. She didn't want to spend the rest of her days trapped here, with him, even though she loved him dearly. She wanted freedom to express herself. No shackles.

Klefki began to shake its little body and they both looked up from the kitchen table. They had been sitting in silence for quite some time, both immersed in their own thoughts that couldn't be so different. But they were so different. The Purrloin clock on the wall ticked and the pair remembered where they were. He closed the newspaper he hadn't really read at all. She put the cup down. The tea had gone cold. The toast had gone cold.

"Suppose I better feed him," she muttered, rising up from the chair, looking at the little Steel type as it swayed back and forth, hovering just a little bit above the kitchen table. Her slippers trudged over the tiles as she made her way to the cupboard. Hearing the doors creak open, the Klefki chimed and approached the young adult, hungry and impatient. She opened the cupboard press and poured some of the flakes (similar to that one would feed a Goldeen) into the bowl. Klefki looked down at the bowl and began to wail. She looked down at the Pokemon. She began to feel those treacherous murdering feelings. Again.

"It's alright, it's alright," he said, quickly rising to his feet. With a quick dash to the fridge, he whipped out some milk and soon had a saucer filled with it. The greedy Klefki slurped it up. The dry food remained untouched. She had paid good money for that food.

"I think it's time for a walk," he decided. She liked that. He went for a walk with Klefki.

He put the harness on the Pokemon before leaving their tiny apartment. Klefki was a pretty wild Pokemon and it had a tendency to wander off and get lost. Something to keep the Pokemon nearby and away from other vicious Klefki was necessary, so the old Growlithe harness worked.

Klefki sniffed every tree as they walked by, sometimes shaking its keys in frustration at them for no apparent reason. Other times the Pokemon sprayed mist on them to mark its territory. The man watched fondly, smiling all the while. He finally broke the silence.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me," he decided aloud. Beaming at the distracted Klefki, he carried on. "I know she'll say 'yes'. We get on so well together. And I'll take on more hours at the store so she can get everything she needs. Maybe we'll even save up for a bit. She can go back to college and do her creative design course like she was doing before we moved in together. Or maybe we can save up and start a family of our own. Wouldn't you like that, Klefki?"

Klefki was unresponsive. The huge elms were far more interesting than silly human talk.

"We've never talked about kids before, but I'm sure she'll want them. What little girl doesn't dream of becoming a mother some day and raising a little girl of her own. That's why girls love dolls so much you know," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Oh, I hope she'll say 'yes'. I can't wait to get her a ring, even if we can't quite afford a large expensive one. It's the thought that counts, right?"

He was happy even though he would never make much money. He had to drop out of high school due to family problems he did not acknowledge. His future in education wasn't very likely, but his kids would be college students. Maybe they'd even get into Harvard or Yale. They would be successful, and they would be happy.

--

She stubbed the cigarette in the ash tray, watching the thin line of smoke pilfer into the brisk morning air. He didn't know that she smoked anymore, and she didn't smoke for quite a while, but things started mounting up again. It was all going too quickly, and she got stressed now over even the littlest things. When Klefki wouldn't eat the dry breakfast, she almost broke down and cried for the second time that day. But she didn't, not until he had left with the Pokemon. Then it all poured out. She didn't know how it had gotten to this stage, but it made her sad and her future with him seemed sadder. She didn't want to live with him anymore. He was a good guy, but they were too different. It had worked out for them initially, but now she had to move on. Maybe she could go back to college.

She looked at the cigarette in disgust. He always went on about how it was such a disgusting habit, and it definitely was, but she couldn't help herself. She had a certain self-destructive tendency. Destroying her lungs wasn't even the half of it. She was going to end this relationship too. Nine months they'd been together. Four of those she had been happy, but that ended like all good things seem to. She wasn't sure where she would go. She couldn't afford to live somewhere else when she had no means of income, and she couldn't go back home. They would all laugh at her. They knew that it wouldn't work out.

What was coming next killed her though. She would have to end it. He seemed so happy lately, unaware of what she was going through. In fact, this was the happiest he had been in a long time, she knew. His father was an asshole so he would never head back home. It was only right that she let him keep the apartment. Living here wouldn't even be good for her. Too many things would remind her of him, and how she had been happy. Some thing she never quite figured out, though, was what had changed exactly. They had gotten the Klefki like everyone suggested, but there was obviously more to it than that, right? They did get along so well until they had gotten their first Pokemon. Perhaps that was the real issue here.

Maybe the Pokemon had to go.

--

He was home within forty minutes, and the Klefki was by his side, smiling smugly at her. She couldn't wait any longer.

"We need to talk," she blurted out. He looked a little shocked, but he agreed. "Without the Klefki," she added, giving it an odd look before slamming the kitchen door in its face.

"What's wrong?"

"I know you love that Pokemon, but I feel like it's tearing us apart."

He tried to hide the surprise. She continued on.

"I've been having bad thoughts lately, and I just haven't been feeling myself, you know? I'm caught up in a rut and I don't want to settle down. But I don't want to lose you either. Why don't we give the Pokemon to a local school or something? And sell this awful cramped place. We should go away to somewhere different - anywhere. We don't want to just be like everyone else do we? I don't want to settle down."

The last six words hurt him a lot, but he gave her a weak smile anyway. He liked Klefki, but she was so much more important anyway. He didn't even really like this place, or this town, but he didn't want to start over either. He wanted to settle down. He wanted a family. He wanted marriage. He wanted to become a dad - a much better one than his own. Klefki gave him a taste of responsibility and it brought out his nurturing side.

"Are you not going to say anything?" she asked in a higher register, nostrils flaring a little.

"I'm just a little lost for words right now," he managed. "I thought you were happy. I thought we were happy. I wanted to start a family with you."

"You wanted to start a family," she agreed, "but not with me. You haven't noticed me in months. We hardly talk. You don't even know what I do with my day. I don't want this. I want to live and experience the damn world. For Christ's sake I'm not even twenty yet and you probably want to marry already. Like, Jesus!"

The Klefki wailed at the door. Perhaps it could sense the tension inside the room, but it seemed more likely that it was just hungry again.

"I loved you," she said slowly. "Loved, as in used to."

He stared at her at a loss for words. Did he even love her anymore? It seemed like she was right, though. He wanted to settle down and have a family - the Klefki was a reminder of that each and every day. That's what kept him going. He did like her an awful lot for a while. She was just so different. But she was no mother. She didn't care about anyone but herself, and she didn't want a family.

So, after quite a lot of tears and some screaming, after the kettle had boiled at least twice over, and after the Klefki grew bored and fell asleep on the living area couch, they had arrived on a decision. They were just too different and both wanted such different things. They broke up. He kept the Klefki and went back home to repair things with his father. She moved to Paris for a while, but then went to London. Apparently her art really impressed people over there.

He found a girl and married and had three happy children. She traveled the world and experienced everything life had to offer. Even though they separated, it was definitely for the best.

 

Using a story pass. I wanted to try a new style of writing and I'm reasonably happy with how this turned out.

Pokemon:
Rank: Hard --> Medium
CC: 10,918

 

@Synthesis; I graded your stories, now it's your turn!!

Introduction
Okay, I'm not gonna lie, I was expecting some sort of sappy story just based on the title. "Oh, he wants a family, and she doesn't, but maybe she'll decide that she wants a family too and that's what this story is about." But I was wrong. So very wrong. This was actually the complete opposite of what I was expecting.

The title basically describes the story as a whole. He wanted a family, and she didn't. They move in together, despite the protests of their friends, and get a Klefki. He was happy, she wasn't. He looked at the Klefki as a child, someone he'd love and care about and nourish for Merlin knows how long, and she looked at the Klefki as something to take care of, another chore if you will. They were basically complete opposites, and in his bliss of being with her and the Klefki, he didn't see that it was hurting her. Basically, they were on opposite sides of the happiness spectrum, and the Klefki was in the middle of it all. I liked it~ Nice work.

Detail
This was actually a little different. The main characters, the young man and woman, don't have names, but you differentiated between the two of them well. It was like a story in first person, but using third person pronouns. (I'm sure there's a more proper term for this, but I can't think of it right now. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about though. Basically the third person where the narrator knows about the characters and how they feel and all that fun stuff.)

I basically looked at it like this: a relationship in which the young man personifies the happiness, the young woman personifies the struggle of a relationship, and Klefki personifies the baby and the pressures that brings on. What you've done here is not described the appearances of the characters, but you've described their personalities, how they feel about the given situation. He's happy, excited, proud, and he wants to marry her; she's unhappy and wants to run away and explore the world. The Klefki is just the innocent child in this story, who just wants attention from both of his "parents," and to have a happy family, while also teaching them how to be responsible parents, which the man seems to grasp better than the woman.

It was different. You didn't describe their apperances, which is okay, but you described their personalities and actions well. It was easy to see what they were doing, how they felt, and why they felt that way.

Grammar
I don't see anything major that needs to be pointed out. I don't even really see anything minor that needs to be pointed out. We'll just leave it at this and move on. ;D

Climax
The big fight. It all blows up, and it all finally comes out. Five months of pent up feelings, five months of all of that pent up anger, it all finally comes out. They make everything known to each other, and they realize just how different they actually are. There was pain, there was hurt, and there was anguish. Even the poor Klefki was upset by all of it (or maybe it was hungry?!).

They were different, and all of the tears and screaming made them realize this. While in a real life situation, this wouldn't be the best way to wrap things up in a relationship, for a story, it works just fine. All of it ended up being good for them, and they went their separate ways, realizing that it was indeed the best for them.

Conclusion
Length stands at 10901, which is again, less than what you've said. You're using a story pass here, so since the MCR should be within the 10-20k range, you're fine. I don't think there was anything in here that I said in a negative light, so I apologize for that. ;~; I guess I just didn't really see anything that could've improved the story, I'm not sure. If I had to suggest something, and I'm not sure if this was done or not but it doesn't seem implied, maybe he tries to compromise with her? They do things without the Klefki, he tries to spend more time with her, all that stuff? Maybe it's done in the argument that's not really described, or maybe it's not, I dunno. Just thought I'd put a suggestion in there so it's not all "WOOO, GR8 STORY M8" or whatever. ;3 At any rate, Klefki captured since I didn't see anything major that could've been added or changed or whatever. ;3