Harry Potter and the Pokemon Trainer

"If I'm going to die, Potter, I'm taking you with me!" A low and scratching voice yelled amongst the once pristine courtyard of Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Harry Potter, known to the wizarding World as the boy who lived, looked on at his defeated enemy, the Dark Lord Voldemort. Voldemort's body began to wither away as the effects of their clashing spells left Harry the victor. The Dard Lord glared at Harry and raised his wand once again as his body continued to disintegrate. "Accio Elder Wand, Avada Kadavra," he shouted, using wand-less magic to conduct the first spell and the reacquired Elder Wand to cast the second. "Even though you are its true master after you disarmed the Malfoy boy, I have just disarmed you, meaning I am its true master now! His voice howled against the wind as he saw the green light slowly erupt from the wand; the act which unknown to him would cause Harry more pain than even he thought possible.

Harry was unprepared for the last attack, and he tried to raise his wand to deflect the spell cast from the unstoppable wand. 'No, you're defeated, I just need to use the same spell as last time and it should yield the same result.' " Expelliarmus," the young boy yelled. However, his spell casting was a few milliseconds too late. The green glow from the killing curse was mere inches from him when his disarming spell began. Harry could feel a warm, white light surrounding him as the curse struck, and a soothing voice inside his mind.

"No, Harry, this is not the time for you to join us, my boy. Your destiny lies elsewhere." Harry's face turned into a slight smile as he could hear the voice of his dead Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore. Harry then noticed a patch of white light emanating from the ground, and slowly he was being sucked down into the light. "No, I'm still needed here," he yelled. "Wherever you are taking me, Dumbledore, wait until Voldemort is defeated!" His words seemed to do nothing as he sunk deeper and deeper into the ground. His final sight before he was completely submerged was his beloved girlfriend Ginny Weasley, who was screaming his name. 'No, Ginny. I have to save Ginny, save everyone who still lives.' The young wizard then could see a lush plains below him, as if he was several hundred feet in the air. Harry slowly descended towards the ground, as if he was floating on some kind of cloud layer or had was wearing a parachute. When he hit the ground, he immediately began to look around to try to take stock of his surroundings.

The field was covered with greenery, ranging from bushes and shrubs to large trees. A dirt path seemed several feet from where Harry was standing, and it led off in both an Eastern and Western direction, at least, that's what the wizard assumed when he looked up at the sun. After a moment of getting his bearings, the young man decided he should attempt to return home.

He closed his eyes and thought of Hogwarts. 'Picture the Hogwarts Courtyard, picture the wide open space and the school in the background.' When he opened his eyes, he had hoped to find himself teleported at Hogwarts via apparition; but his hopes were in vain as he had not moved an inch from where he was standing. 'Great,' he muttered internally, 'I guess wherever I am has anti-apparition wards.' As he then tried to form another plan to try and figure out where he was and how he could get home, he heard what sounded like laughter and talking to his left. 'Perhaps whoever that is could help me, but I should keep my guard up in case they're Death Eaters, or other follower's of Voldemort.' The young man quickly twirled his wand around him to cast a Disilluionment Charm to hide himself, however he could not feel the normal sensation that accompanied the charm. 'Bloody brilliant,' he thought, 'I guess someone has put total magical protection up around here. Who would bother warding such a random trail unless there was something to hide.' Harry quickly ran behind a large nearby tree, hoping to at least partially hide himself from the on-comers.

As the group walked into view, Harry could see a total of four people; two males and a female who looked approximately sixteen to seventeen, and one young girl who looked eight to ten years old. One of the boys was wearing a blue and white jacket, blue jeans, black and red shoes, and a black hat. The other young man had blonde hair and blue eyes and was wearing a light-blue workman's outfit, as if he worked in a factory or a repairman. The young girl had similar features to the blonde-haired boy and was wearing a brown shirt with black shorts, and had a yellow pouch on her shoulder; while the older girl was wearing a black blouse and a red skirt, with black leggings and a pink hat. 'They look like Muggles, but they should still know the area. It should be safe to come out and introduce myself, and I can always try to Obliviate them to erase their memories if need be, for their protection as well as my own.' The young wizard stepped out from behind the tree and approached the group. As he did, the boy with the hat looked slightly startled and began to speak.

"Oh hey," he paused as he looked at Harry's wizarding robes, "I didn't see you there. I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, and these are my friends Serena, Clemont, and Clemont's little sister Bonnie," he said as he pointed towards the older girl, other boy, and younger girl respectively. "What's your name? You don't exactly look like you're from around here, do they all wear that where you come from?"

Harry thought for a second, and decided to use the knowledge he had gained from living with his Muggle Aunt and Uncle to his advantage. "My name's Harry, and you're right, I think I am far from home. I'm kind of lost, can you let me know the nearest large city, and what country we're in?" Harry's eyes led past Ash's black hair and brown eyes and saw a strange yellow creature standing a few paces behind the young man.

The creature was short and had a large stomach, with long, black-tipped ears above black eyes and a large red circle on each cheek; as if the Pokemon had a permanent blush. It had two arms with five fingers on each hand and three toes on each of its two feet. The most unusual aspect of the creature was its yellow notched tail that was almost as long as the creature was tall. 'They can't be Muggles,' thought Harry. "Say, what kind of familiar is that, Ash? I've seen and read about many creatures at Hogwarts but I've never seen anything like that."

Ash looked puzzled at Harry and then responded. "We're en route to Shalour City, so I can challenge the gym leader there for their badge." He paused and stared at Harry for a second. "We're in the Kalos region by the way, if that's what you meant by country." Ash then looked behind him towards the yellow creature and continued to speak. "That's my Pikachu by the way. Don't you know what Pokemon are? I've never heard of Hogwarts, is that some sort of prep school? I've been to a few of those before, but they always taught kids about Pokemon there."

"Yeah," Bonnie chimed in with a high-pitches voice, "everyone in the world knows what Pokemon are. I knew even from when I was two."

"Quiet Bonnie," her other brother interjected, "maybe Harry's from some small town that doesn't have Pokemon, but still I'm surprised if the topic has never came up at all throughout his life, and especially if he's spent any amount of time in Kalos."

Harry began to feel dizzy as the group spoke to him. 'Kalos region? I wouldn't call myself an expert on World geography but I've never heard of someplace like that. Perhaps it's one of those small islands by Australia or something. Though the word region seems to imply a continent or large area, not some small island, and let's not even talk about his strange pet. I vaguely remember hearing something about Pokemon on a Muggle newscast before this year at Hogwarts, but I don't remember anything specific.' These thoughts continued to swim around Harry's head as he rapidly fell face-first towards the ground in exaustion, the taxation of the Battle of Hogwarts finally taking its toll as his adrenaline plummeted.

"Hey Harry, are you ok?" Harry heard a female voice as his eyes began to flutter open. 'That must have all been a dream,' he thought as he slowly regained consciousness, 'I must be waking up in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts and Madam Pomfrey must be tending to me.' As he fully opened his eyes, he saw Serena standing over him looking concerned. 'I guess this wasn't a dream after all.' He weakly began to speak as he looked up into the girl's Blue eyes and her long blonde hair. "I'm ok, I've just had a long day. How long was I out for?"

"About twenty minutes or so,' Ash replied, looking at Harry concerned. "After you wouldn't wake-up I almost sent my Fletchling out to try and find some help in case you were really in trouble, but I figured you would be ok." He offered Harry his hand and helped pull the young Wizard up onto his feet. "So, where do you come from, Harry?"
"Harry sighed weakly and responded. "I'm from Surrey, in England. Judging from all of your accents I'd say I was somewhere in America, but Kalos doesn't sound familiar at all to me. Do you know how far away we are from Surrey, or London?" 'At least I can judge how long it will take me to get home by plane or perhaps I can even Floo home.' His gaze then returned to Pikachu and he felt completely lost. "I've only vaguely heard of Pokemon before, on the tele, erm, I mean television." Harry smiled as he knew mentioning television would help prove whether the group were Muggles or wizards. 'If they watch television then they're most likely Muggles, however only few wizards like Mr. Weasley are fascinated by Muggle technology.'

Clemont seemed to ponder for a moment and then spoke up. "I'm pretty well-versed in World Geograpgy, and none of those places even ring a bell. I only know about six main regions: Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova, and Kalos. None of those places have any city named Surrey or London that I can remember. America doesn't sound familiar at all either, so I don't know where you think we're from, but you're wrong. Pokemon are on TV a lot, so that would make sense if you saw them there."

Harry started to rack his brain trying to come up with a reason to explain everything that had happened. 'How could they not know about The United States of America? Certainly anyone in a first-world country knows about America, and most know about London as well. I've never heard of any of those regions that Clemont talked about either. Could I have been brought into some kind of other-world or something? If so, how do I get back to Hogwarts...back to Ginny?' Harry could feel tears began to form in the corner of his eyes and he quickly brushed them away. 'No time for tears,' the wizard thought, 'I need to find a way to confirm my suspicions without revealing anything until I am absolutely sure.'

He looked at Ash and began to speak. "Name any countries, cities or continents that any of you can think of. Please this is very important, just name any and all that come to mind. Harry listened for several minutes as they city after city, and numerous landmarks as well in each of the six regions, but the wizard recognized none of them. He then, in-turn, named off most of the European countries, every first-world country he could think of, and each of the seven continents; none of which sounded familiar to any of the travelers. Frustrated he balled his hands into fists and shook his head. "I," he began, still trying to get the words out, "I think I'm from somewhere far away, some other planet, or other reality, or, I don't know. I just know that the odds of us knowing nothing about the World each other come from are slim to none if we come from the same World."

"My full name is Harry Potter, and I'm a wizard. I can perform spells by using a wand, apparate as a means of teleportation, and have learned to brew potions with magical properties. I attend a special boarding school named Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where children learn to perfect their magic. Before I came here I was fighting a deadly battle with an evil sorcerer, someone named Voldemort who was trying to destroy Hogwarts and kill anyone who didn't agree with his philosophy of supremacy. As the battle was almost over, I found myself being pulled into the ground and found myself here, several minutes ago. Normally wizards are supposed to keep magic a secret from those who can't practice it, but if I'm correct I don't think that rule applies right now." Harry reached into his robes and pulled out his wand. "I normally would use this for magic, but since I got here it hasn't worked. I'm not sure if I'm still exhausted from the battle, or perhaps there just isn't magic in your world. Perhaps whatever forces of nature that exist here prevent any form of magic from working; potions could still work though but I doubt you have the supplies here even if I could think of a potion that could help me get home." He paused for a minute to look at the group's incredulous expressions. "I know you must think I'm crazy but could anyone make up something so detailed? I could go over the last seven years of my life in detail, and I can show you my scar where Voldemort tried to kill me when I was a baby." At this, Harry moved his hair aside to show the lightning-shaped scar that was the result of the attack that took the life of his parents.

The group seemed to step away for a few minutes and talk amongst themselves. Harry overheard Serene asking, "do you really believe him" to Ash and Clemont, to which both of the boys slowly nodded their head. The four humans and Pikachu then came back towards Harry and Ash spoke up.

"Harry, if what you say is true none of us can think of a way to help you, but there are legends of mythical legendary Pokemon that can mess with time, space, and all sorts of things. I've even met some of them, so I know that they exist. If anyone can possibly help you it's them, but you can't just find them out of the blue. Look," he continued, offering a handshake to the young wizard, "how about you come with us for a while? It'll be a lot better than trying to be out here all on your own, and maybe you can even find some Pokemon of your own while you're here. Being friends with Pokemon has made my life a lot better, and I'm sure everyone else thinks the same." Bonnie, Clemont and Serena all smiled and nodded in response.

Harry paused to think for a moment, and then nodded his head. "I might as well go with you guys you seem like nice enough people after all." He smiled for the first time in what seemed like years and started to follow the group as they continued on their journey to Shalour City.

After several hours, the group decided to stop and rest for a bit so they could eat some lunch, and also so that Ash could train against Serena, the Shalour City Gym Leader. Instead of sticking around to help prepare food with the others, Harry figured the best use of his time would be watching Ash train. 'I might as well find out everything I can about Pokemon,' he thought, as Ash prepared to command Pikachu to attack a rather large boulder. 'I may be stuck here for a long time, so when in Rome as they say.'

"Pikachu," Ash called, "use Iron Tail on that boulder and picture it as Lucario's body. Since Lucario is a part Steel-type Pokemon, it should be a good object to test your power against."

Harry then watched as the small yellow Pokemon jumped high into the air and turned its tail into a silvery-metal color and struck the rock. The sound of impact shook nearby trees, causing various cries to be heard presumably from the trees' inhabitants. "That's wicked," Harry called out to his new friend. "I had no idea Pokemon could do things like that. It's almost like magic how they can transform themselves or parts of their body in order to perform different moves or abilities."

Ash turned towards the young wizard and nodded. "Some Pokemon moves are really unique," he replied. "There are some Pokemon like Ditto who can transform into an entirely different Pokemon, and don't even get me started on the legendary Pokemon. Every one that I've ever seen has been incredibly powerful and really cool." He turned towards his Pikachu and readied the next command. "How about we show Harry everything you can do, huh Pikachu?" He then pointed to a tree several dozen feet away and continued to speak. "Use Thunderbolt on that tree over there, followed up by a Volt Tackle."

Pikachu yelled "Pika, Pikachu!" as its body glowed bright yellow with electricity. After charging for several seconds, a bolt of lightning radiated from his body and struck the tree right in the middle.of the trunk. Harry then saw the Electric-type Pokemon glow a bright yellow color as Pikachu raced towards the tree almost faster than Harry could see. The force of the Pokemon hitting the tree caused a large cracking noise to be heard, followed by a loud bang. When the dust cleared, Harry saw that the tree had been completely knocked down by Pikachu's combination of attacks.

"Speldid," Harry called as he rose to his feet and clapped lightly at the pair. Suddenly, a loud hooting noise was heard and it sounded as if the noise was coming closer to the group. The young man saw a large bird, who at first glance looked like an owl.

The creature had a brown round and pudgy body, two short wings and two feet. It's stomach was a bright brown or tan color, and it had five talons at the end of each foot. Two large red eyes took up roughly twenty-five percent of its body area, and it had two eyebrow-like protrusions above its eyes. Underneath its eyes it had three black lines that pointed downward, as if they were eyelashes.

The sight of an owl caused Harry to step back, as he had recently lost his own owl, Hedwig a few months prior in a battle with Voldemort. 'Wow, that must be another kind of Pokemon,' Harry thought. 'I must find a book that lists all of them or something, so I know what I'm looking at when I see one.' As he continued to watch the Pokemon, he felt a stirring in his heart and a longing for a companion like the one he lost.

Ash looked towards Harry and followed his gaze until he saw the Hoothoot flying in the air near the wizard. "Oh wow," he remarked, "that's a Hoothoot. I thought about trying to get one myself, but I eventually caught a special Noctowl, its evolved form." He paused and studied how Harry seemed entranced by the Flying-type Pokemon. "Say Harry, would you want me to capture that Hoothoot for you? I could give you one of my spare Pokeballs so you can start having a Pokemon of your own."

Harry smiled and nodded as he heard Ash's question. "Yeah, I would love a Pokemon like that. To be honest, I had a real owl until a short time ago, and she was like my best friend. I have a feeling that having something like her would help me keep a connection to my home, and to remind me of where I have to get back to." The wizard continued to look up into the sky and wondered how Ash would capture the wild Pokemon.

"Ok, Pokemon catching 101. Harry, you should pay attention to this," Ash shouted. "You need to weaken a wild Pokemon first before you can throw a ball at it. Also, different types of attacks are stronger or weaker against different types of Pokemon. Like my Pikachu is very strong against Flying-type Pokemon like Hoothoot, so I have an advantage in this battle." Ash then looked towards his Pokemon.

"Pikachu, go use Thunderbolt on Hoothoot so we can catch it for Harry!"

The yellow Pokemon complied, and within two seconds a bolt of lightning shot towards the sky and towards the Owl Pokemon. Hoothoot quickly dipped down towards the ground, successfuly avoiding the Electric-type attack. The Flying-type Pokemon's eyes began to glow and Pikachu became enveloped by a blue light. The Mouse Pokemon then began to be flung up and down, slamming against the ground several times by an unknown force.

"Oh no, Pikachu. That's Confusion!" Ash exclaimed. "Try to break free buddy and use Thunder." Ash looked on helplessly as his Pokemon was still held under Confusion's control. After several seconds, Ash yelled out "Pikachu, shock yourself to break yourself free of Hoothoot's move!"

Pikachu's body began to charge up slowly and discharged over its own body, seemingly cancelling out the effect of the wild Hoothoot's Confusion. The yellow Pokemon then stored electricity for several seconds and hurled another lightning bolt towards the wild Pokemon. This time, the Pokemon was unable to move fast enough and the Thunder attack hit Hoothoot in the chest.

The Pokemon yelled in pain from the damage that the attack caused, and swooped down to try and close the gap between itself and its opponent. Its wings turned a bright-white color and it moved close to Pikachu, trying to strike it with its Wing Attack.

"Pikachu, dodge the attack and use Thunderbolt," Ash yelled, but the order came too late. Pikachu was struck in the head by Hoothoot's wings, causing the Pokemon to fall backwards and cry out. Its trainer then ran over to the Pokemon and knelt down next to it. "Are you still ok to battle, bud?" Ash asked; to which the Pokemon nodded and quickly stood up.

Hoothoot flew up high in the sky, and prepared to launch another Confusion attack towards Pikachu. However, Ash knew that his Pokemon couldn't endure another attack like the first so he planned to finish the battle before the wild Pokemon had a chance to strike. "Pikachu, do a running jump onto that boulder and launch yourself high into the air. Then attack Hoothoot with a combination of Thunder and Iron Tail!"

The Mouse Pokemon quickly ran forward and launched itself from the top of the boulder using its tail as a springboard, soaring higher than Hoothoot and preparing to attack the wild Pokemon. Pikachu somersaulted forward several times as its tail glowed a metallic yellow color, electricity crackling from it as it neared inches away from the wild Pokemon. Pikachu's tail successfully connected with Hoothoot's back, causing the Flying-type Pokemon to scream in pain and begin to plummet towards the ground, unconscious.

Harry, unable to keep standing by as he watched another bird plummet to the ground, ran towards where the Hoothoot was flying and tried to judge its trajectory, hoping to catch it before it hit the ground. 'I won't let this Hoothoot end up like Hedwig,' he thought. 'I'll save it at least even if I couldn't save her.' He frantically kept looking up at the sky, adjusting his position as best he could. In a last-second frantic dive several feet forward, Harry managed to catch the Flying-type Pokemon, and watched as Pikachu landed safely several feet away.

Ash quickly ran towards Harry, holding a red and white colored ball in his hand. "This is a Pokeball," he explained. "You throw empty Pokeballs at hurt or knocked out Pokemon to try and capture them. If the ball shakes several times and beeps, then the capture is successful and the Pokemon is yours to keep." He then handed as the Pokeball as the wizard held Hoothoot in his left hand. "Here, press the button on the Pokeball and press it against Hoothoot, you should be able to capture it."

Harry slowly nodded, taking the Pokeball, and did as Ash instructed. 'Here goes nothing,' he thought. He watched as Hoothoot was sucked up in a bright-red light, and the ball began to shake several times in his right hand. After several shakes, the ball emitted a low beeping sound.

"Congratulations, Harry!" Ash exclaimed. "That Hoothoot is now yours to keep with you as a partner. You can train it, battle with it, and even try to capture other Pokemon with it." The young man beamed at the wizard and Harry smiled in return.

"Thanks so much Ash," Harry replied. "I couldn't have gotten this Hoothoot without you." He pressed the button on his Pokeball and watched as his new Pokemon emerged, fairly weakened from the battle.

"Here, have a Potion," Ash told the Pokemon as he sprayed a purple and grey bottle onto Hoothoot's skin. After a minute or two, the Pokemon's wounds diminished greatly and Hoothoot began to chirp and look at its trainer.

"Hey, wanna fly next to me on the way back to camp Hoothoot," Harry asked his new Pokemon, to which Hoothoot chirped again, seemingly to signal the affirmative. Twenty minutes or so later, the pair of trainers found themselves back with the group, of which all of them had questions for Ash and Harry as to why they had been gone for so long. After retelling the events of the training session, they all ate lunch and prepared to get back on the road towards Shalour City.

Trying to Capture: Pikachu 10-20k, Hotohoot 5-10k
MCR: 24793

A/N:

I had the idea for a Pokemon/HP crossover in my head for the past year, and decided to make it into a series based in the Anime. I also know that Hoothoot isn't natural in Kalos but decided it would fit Harry best for a starting Pokemon and I didn't want to set it in the Johto-era.

Thanks for reading/grading. I'd appreciate some advice if you think anyone is out of character.

 

클레이밍! (Claiming!)

 

Not to sound ungrateful, but I also have two stories from the 17th that are unclaimed. I would much prefer those done first if possible, thank you.

 

Anyways! (I did this in around 3 hours, but had to go through some stuff, so...)

Introduction:

While you did the intro satisfactorily, scenes like that should be summarized to a number of sentences enough for a picture. Since this is a crossover, one would expect that the two subjects are well-known to him/her. Still, it would be nice to add a few but important details about the scenes you are trying to show. With "few", meaning that "can make a imaginable enough scene yet conserves space so that the readers won't be bored too much and stop reading altogether". Remember, the intro is meant to entice readers in reading the story deeper.

Body:

Firstly, the characterization. Since this is a crossover fic, the characters should maintain their original personalities. What personality made Harry stand out from the average person? This is the part where you need to study the character. Is the character jolly, snarky, or both? Since the character is basically a CutPaste into another world, its qualities should also be CutPasted. This is basically a reminder since this is a crossover fic, but your characters are pretty much fine. (

With the part related to Harry being a fish out of water, something is quite needing a correction in there. We all know Ash and co. are pretty much helpful people (please refer to previous paragraph), doubt is something out of character for them. We all have seen them help other people in need, and Harry is one of them. If something they would seem amiss, they would not try to show it. Maybe the doubtful gesture is rude? A helpful company never shows doubt, unless its really REALLY (like, Team Rocket) suspicious. This is just an extension of the characterization issue, just in a specific angle.

I would like to point out the supposedly climax. Harry is your main character, but the climax made him a passive, and Ash took over. In all circumstances, if the story's limelight is pointed at Harry, by the end of the story the limelight should still shine to Harry. It is in the point-of-view, and the POV should not change throughout the story (though, you can change the POV through chapters, in case this is one chapter in a bigger whole. But it is unadvisable to change in the middle of a chapter). Well, Harry DID catch the Pokemon by himself, since he is going to be stuck in there for a while, that time should be perfect to also learn how to battle. Like in the case of RSE's Wally, someone lent him a Pokemon to catch another Pokemon. On a tangent, if I remember correctly, Harry was taught magic with someone in the sidelines (or I could be wrong). The point is in the aforementioned POV: never put your main character in the sidelines, or its "charm" to the readers will be reduced and they would get bored with it.

Description:

While you adequately described the characters, please do not forget to describe the setting. This shows up in the intro, during the battle. While some know how the battle looks like (return to the topic in the Intro section), it would still look like a bleak, dark setting without the detail. Is it outside Hogwarts? Or in the forest? Or inside Hogwarts? Some fans (like me) won't remember stuff like these, so enough detail of the setting will refresh the readers.

Grammar:

Pretty much clean, except for some typos there and misuses of stuff. One thing I'll point out is that "thought dialogs" are not placed inside: ' and '. Those are apostrophes, and they become quotation marks when they're inside a larger pair of quotation marks. Example:

"I said, 'OMG, she's a fan of EXO!", recalled Tim.

In analysis, Tim is saying that he said that she was a fan of this. In another sense: Tim recalled that he said that she was a fan of EXO. MAthematically of the previous sense: [Tim(she is a fan of EXO)].

Anyways, thought dialogs are commonly italicized.

Also, something minor, but often a common mistake in other pieces of fiction (in which I'll just quote your own):

"Hey, wanna fly next to me on the way back to camp Hoothoot," Harry asked his new Pokemon

Instead of the comma between Hoothoot and ", a question mark is needed there. Since Harry is asking (the dialog tag says so), a question mark is needed there.

Anyways, you're fine! A little proofread here and there.

Inclusion:

Pikachu: Ash's Pokemon. Usually, Pokemon catched in stories often appear as if they're not caught yet or not in the possesion of someone, tactics like that are pretty much fine, as long as you make the mon stand out and not look like a filler. Otherwise, pretty much fine.

Hoothoot: It's plot is quite weak. It justs shows up. Okay, Harry's memories is actually a good plot, a sudden, out-of-the-blue appearance won't cut. But then, this owl is just in the Simple rank, which doesn't ask much. But remember, higher ranks require Pokemon of greater limelight all throughout the story.

Length:

A whopping number, but can be condensed with the right stuff. It is on the rule of Chekhov (Russian short story writer) to pretty much conserve stuff in a short story. Anyways, you're fine!

Conclusion:

Pikachu and Hoothoot captured!

Your issues revolve around characterization and too much length, but it can be easily patched up! and dont mind the exo reference