From Sinnoh to Hoenn.

This is my first story on here, its pretty much your average Trainer catches first pokemon story. I want to save my main idea for a diffrent pokemon though. Not this Wurmple.

Pokemon aimed for: Wurmple
Amount of Characters needed: 3000 to 5000
Amount of characters used: 6,731 with spaces.


Seth waved goodbye to Mr. Briney before leaving Route 104 for Petalburg City. The boat trip from Sinnoh to Hoenn had been a lot of fun. But he was glad to be back on land. Open water made him extremely nervous. Seth was a tall,young boy aged fifteen. He had short scruffy brown hair and dark green eyes. A small scar ran across his right cheek. He was wearing worn out blue jeans and a dark blue T-shirt. A pokeball sat in his pocket and a backpack was strung over his shoulders. It bounced slightly as he walked. The reason Seth had taken a boat ride from Sinnoh, was so he could attend the yearly festival. He went every year with his aunt and uncle. It was truly his favourite thing about this region.

Seth walked into the city looking for the old house his aunt and uncle lived in. After a short period of time he spotted it. It was an old worn out cottage styled house, which had been durvived through many seasons. A small body of water lay to the left of it, surrounded by dense trees. In the summer, the whole family would come out to Petalburg for barbecues and campfires. Everyone would swim in the beautiful lake. Seth smiled at the memories. He walked up the steps to the front door. Using the banister to propel himself forward. When he got on the porch, he noticed a small piece of paper with handwriting taped to the door.

“Dear Seth,” it read. “Your Uncle and I went to Rustboro for some groceries. We know how much you love to eat. Feel free to wander off until we return. We can’t wait to see you. Love Aunty Tara.”

“What am I supposed to do until they get back?” thought Seth, looking at the crystal appearance of the water. He walked down the stairs and towards the gym before realizing something important he could accomplish during his wait.

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The blue doors to the Pokemart opened as Seth walked in. The sweet nostalgic smell of potions reached his nose. A young man of about twenty stood behind a blue counter near the door. He was wearing a light blue apron that had the design of a pokeball on it. The design was shaded in with a darker color.

“Hello” said the young man. “Could I be of assistance?”

“Yes please” Seth replied. “Can you tell me where the pokeballs are in here?” A thoughtful expression unfurled on to the shop keepers face, before he pointed to the back of the store,

“They should be in a small basket over there.” Seth walked over to the area the man had pointed out. Sure enough, a basket full of red and white capsules sat on one of the many shelves. Seth took one out and brought it over to the shop keeper. Paying him the right amount. Before leaving the mart and the city all together.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Route 104 was a beautiful place. A beach ran along the left side of it. Icy cold ocean spray grabbed at the sand, before returning to the ocean empty handed. The sand crunched under his shoes. Sticking to the ridges underneath and creating oddly shaped footprints. Up ahead was Mr. Briney’s house, a small cottage that fit him and his Wingull quite nicely. They would definitely be going to the festival. Behind their home was Seth’s destination, Petalburg Woods.

The woods were a strange and mysterious place. A couple of years ago, a maniacal force called “Team Aqua” had held prisoners inside of it. But that was long over. Seth walked in, and the suns rays were instantly shut out. The dense foliage of the tree branches made it difficult to see. Bushes rustled around him as pokemon searched for food. Seth walked a little faster, trying to get a way from the creepy sounds. He wasn’t sure what was making them, and he really didn’t want to know.

Up ahead was a huge tree. Seth could barely see the pokemon hanging from it. One was a purple shaded cocoon, while the other was silvery coloured. A couple worm like creatures were roaming the trees branches. Nibbling on the small leaves growing out of them. They had red coloured skin, and a white underbelly. Two large yellow horns stuck out above there rears and another from the top of there heads. Seth saw the bug like creatures as an easy target.

“Come on out Sonya!” He cried. With a flash of light that shortly illuminated the forest, a orange coloured chick appeared. Seth had recently got the Torchic. She was a gift from Professor. Rowan. He had run out of the regions starter pokemon. But that was alright with Seth, he simply adored her.

“Alright Sonya, lets use peck on that tree.” Sonya raced forward. Smacking her tiny beak against the large trees trunk. Almost instantly a small form plummeted from the tree. It hit the soft earth, looking dazed and ticked off.

“Wuurmmple!” cried the small pokemon. A sticky substance shot out of its mouth. It hit Sonya head on, wrapping the Torchic in a tight cocoon of string. She gave a tiny cry as she tried to escape from the odd attack. The wild Wurmple bent its head down and charged at the dead locked pokemon. Slamming her with his poisonous horn. Sonya went flying and slammed into a nearby tree. Sliding down the bark to the dirt covered floor.

“What kind of Wurmple are you!” Cried Seth. He rushed over to Sonya and ripped the fabric off of her. “Show that thing a Flamethrower.” Seth’s Torchic took in a deep breath filling her tiny chest full of air. When she breathed out, a torrent of fire shot out of her.

“mmple!” Cried the worm before dodging the fiery attack. Which hit a tree instead, setting it a blaze. Seth ripped off his backpack and ran over to the burning tree. He continuously slammed his bag against the flames until they were beaten out. The wild Wurmple giggled mischievously.

“Its to risky to use fire attacks in here Sonya. Try slash instead!” Sonya pumped her small legs, running full speed towards the Wurmple. She ran by it swiftly, raking her claws along its side. It moaned in pain before shooting more silk at her.

“Sonya destroy that crud with scratch!” The Torchic wiggled around in the stringy material, trying to snag one of her claws on the wrapping. The abnormally strong Wurmple ran towards Seth’s Torchic.

“Hurry Sonya, hurry!” Her claw caught on the silk and ripped it off her tiny body. She jumped into the air just missing the Wurmples tackle. The Torchic plummeted back to the earth, slamming the Worms body into the ground. The Wurmple collapsed, the tough battle having worn it out.

“Great job girl, return.” Seth pulled out his pokemon’s capsule and returned her to it. “Now to capture this rascal.” He tossed his newly bought pokeball at the fierce Wurmple, who now lay unconscious in the cold dir. A red light enveloped it. Before sucking it inside.

 

Introduction, Characters, Backstory:Seth's location, his reasons for being there, his backstory, and some idea of his personality are given quite adequately. Not much else to say; good job.


Plot Content, Plot Flow: This is a fairly basic plot, but of course, you only have 6719 characters to advance it with, and that's going above the letter requirements for a Wurmple catch. There's no sense in making a plot complex unless you're heading for a much harder catch. This meets expectations, so well done.


Grammar, Sentence Flow: Your grammar was okay throughout, and there were only a few spelling errors or mistaken uses of words.
The following are just small mistakes that won't count against you because they don't make your writing any less clear/understandable. I'm mentioning them so you can improve your writing, though, so please don't ignore this part just because I said that. xD

I think this is just a typo, plus forgetting to remove a word when you changed the sentence's structure. Rereading your story soon after posting it usually catches errors like this.

Ah, the classic 'there/their/they're' confusion. The word you're looking for is their.

"Using the banister to propel himself forward," needs to be either rephrased or attached to another sentence, since, as is, it's a dependent clause. Thus:
--"He walked up the steps to the front door, using the banister to pull himself up."
Or, alternatively,
--"He walked up the steps to the front door. He used the banister to pull himself onto the porch, but when he got there he noticed a small piece of paper..."

This is similar; The best way to put the fragment, "Paying him the right amount," together with another sentence would be:
--"Seth took one out and brought it over to the shop keeper. Paying him the right amount, Seth left the mart, then left the city altogether."

You actually have a lot of these. Be aware that a single sentence can never have only verbs in the participle (verbs ending with '-ing').
You must combine a phrase that contains only participles with a sentence that stands on its own.
--"The sand crunched under his shoes, sticking to the ridges underneath and creating oddly shaped footprints."
Here, the free-standing sentence is "The sand crunched under his shoes." By adding the participle-bearing sentence to it using a comma, the problem is fixed.

I think you can figure out for yourself how to fix this one. Also, the possessive needs to be trees' <--- With an apostrophe, but no extra 's' because the word 'trees' is plural.


Detail, Description: Your descriptions are very good; many people, especially when writing an Easiest- or Simple-rated story, forget to include details about their characters and the world around them, but I was pleased with your descriptions. A few were especially good. I liked this one:

The imagery (as well as some other details like the smell of potions in the Poké Mart) is strong throughout your writing, and far exceeds the requirements for a mere Wurmple catch.


Battles: The battle is short but descriptive, and avoids the common problem of 'reading like an in-game battle.'


Overall: Strong on all counts, there's not much to criticize about this story, except that you need to work on not having any sentence be in the format,
"Giving him a glare."
"Taking it."
"Preparing to fire his lazah."


Result:
Wurmple: CAUGHT.