From Magikarp to Gyarados: a world of differences

Target CC: Easiest (3k-5k)
Intended capture: Magikarp
Total CC: 2562


Magikarp is a useless pathetic (read that in Paul’s voice) that only knows have to splash, which is a move that does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I swear to Arceus, the only use of a Magikarp is evolving it, where it turns into a beast that can get angry for no reason and go into a rampage for a month, destroying entire cities. Gyarados is the Neville Longbutton of the Pokémon world and a perfect example of why you should be careful about who you call ugly in middle school, because it can easily kill you. If you see a Gyarados on a rampage, RUN!


The best way to evolve a Magikarp is to feed it Rare Candy, because it can’t do anything in battle. It might get easily knocked out by a level 5 Rattata. I recommend capturing one that<s at level 19, so that you would need to feed it only one Rare Candy. After it evolves, you would need to get close to it. Try to feed it some food that raises its affection, so that you can keep it under control. Also, as you level it up, make sure you have enough achievements for it to obey you, because you don’t want it to go on a rampage. Use it to earn Gym Badges and try teaching it a variety of moves. Its dual Water/Flying typing makes it double weak to Electric-type attacks, but you can teach it Earthquake, a Ground-type move, which is super effective against Electric and Rock-types, another type Gyarados is weak to.

It is possible that Gyarados has such temper in part due to its weakness when it was a Magikarp. It’s like someone who was bullied at school. It goes from a useless pathetic Pokémon to a beast that can destroy whole cities in a few seconds when it evolves. It probably also wants to seek revenge on those who mistreat Magikarp. It must not ne easy seeing your friends getting easy eaten by predators. You want to show the world that you are now strong. Another thing is that it may not be easy to adjust to the great level of power you receive, especially since Pokémon evolution only takes a few seconds. Your brain needs to get used to it, and that’s not easy. The Pokédex also mentions that when Magikarp evolves, its brain cells endure a structural transformation, which some people blame for Gyarados’ violent nature.

Now, let’s recite this prayer to Arceus (found it on Facebook, author unknown):

Our Arceus who art in Sinnoh
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Type Plate come
Thy Judgment be done
In Hoenn as it is in Kanto
Give us this our daily poffin
and forgive us our status ailments
as we forgive those who status ailment against us
and lead us not into entry hazards
but deliver us from weather

Amen

 

Claimed!

 

LENGTH



Your length is actually around 2100 characters. I’m not counting the poem at the end into the word count because you didn’t write it and it doesn’t add to the story. But good on you for saying that it wasn’t yours! So, this being considered, you are about 900 characters short of the minimum character requirement, but character count isn’t everything!


CHARACTERS/DESCRIPTION



Your only real character in the story was magikarp. And since this is an easiest rank story, it doesn’t have to be as fully fleshed out as a hard rank story. That being said, it would still be nice to describe magikarp and gyarados’ appearance just in case someone doesn't know what they look like. Even the most basic things go a long way! Describing the height, weight and colors are a great place to start!


STORY



There was’t really much of a story. (there didn’t need to be because of this unique format!). I quite liked the idea of a rant. Explaining why magikarp is useless all while trying to capture one is just funny to me. So, this section was good!


GRAMMAR



Ok, so I have a couple things to talk about here. This is a minor thing: Neville’s last name is spelled “Longbottom”. lol. Next, you want to avoid phrases that break the story. Telling the reader to read the story in Paul’s voice within the story breaks the immersion. You can always say that kind of stuff before the story starts or after the story is over. Same goes for the poem. Next time you put a quote in a story, credit it the correct way. So, instead of this:

You should have it like this:

My next issue with the poem, it doesn’t add to the story. Most of the time, you can quote the lines that make sense to your story. If you HAVE to put in the entire poem, make sure it makes sense within the context of the story.


I noticed a couple of spelling and grammar errors throughout your story:

and

This is due to lack of proofreading. Please, next time you write a story, go over it a couple of times! They should look like this instead:

and

Lastly, in the first paragraph you refer to magikarp as an “it”. Then, in the second paragraph, you refer to gyarados as “you”. This is a major switch to second person that doesn’t make sense within the context, because the author is ranting to someone else, but the second paragraph makes it seem like he’s talking to gyarados.


RESULT



Sorry to say, Magikarp not captured. Please fix the grammar issues and descriptions and I’ll take another look at this story!! Overall, I really enjoyed this story because this isn’t the kind of thing you see everyday. It was fresh and exciting! Good luck on your future endeavors!

 

That should teach me to not write a story at 11PM.

New CC: 2842


Magikarp is a red fish Pokémon that weights 10.0 kg (22.0 lbs) and measures 0.9 m (2’11”). It’s index number on the National Pokédex is 129. It is a useless pathetic Pokémon that only knows splash, which is a move that does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I swear to Arceus, the only use of a Magikarp is evolving it, where it turns into a beast that can get angry for no reason and go into a rampage for a month, destroying entire cities. Gyarados is the Neville Longbottom of the Pokémon world and a perfect example of why you should be careful about who you call ugly in middle school, because it can easily kill you. It goes from being a small fish to a serpentine blue Chinese dragon-like creature that weights 235.0 kg (518.1 lbs) and measures 6.5 m (21’04”). So, if you see one on a rampage, RUN!

The best way I think for a Trainer to evolve a Magikarp is to feed it Rare Candy, because it can’t do anything in battle. It might get easily knocked out by a level 5 Rattata. So I recommend capturing one that is at level 19, so that the Trainer would need to feed it only one Rare Candy. After it evolves, Trainers would need to get close to it. They should try feeding it some food that raises its affection, like malasada, so that they can keep it under control. Also, as a Trainer levels it up, they should make sure to have enough achievements (Gym Badges, Alolan Island Trials) for it to obey them, because no one wants a Gyarados to go on a rampage. Trainers should use it to earn Gym Badges and try teaching it a variety of moves. Its dual Water/Flying typing makes it double weak to Electric-type attacks, so I don’t recommend any Trainer using it against an Electric-type like Pikachu, Raichu, and Jolteon. However, a Trainer can teach their Gyarados Earthquake, a Ground-type move, which is super effective against Electric and Rock-types, another type Gyarados is weak to. Gyarados can Mega Evolve into Mega Gyarados, which is a Water/Dark type.

It is possible that a Gyarados has such a temper in part due to its weakness when it was a Magikarp. It’s like someone who was bullied at school. It goes from a useless pathetic Pokémon to a beast that can destroy whole cities in a few seconds when it evolves. It probably also wants to seek revenge on those who mistreat Magikarp. It must not be easy for anyone to see their friends getting easy eaten by predators. Such individuals (whether they are humans or Pokémon) may want to show the world that they are now strong. Another thing is that it may not be easy to adjust to the great level of power it receives, especially since Pokémon evolution only takes a few seconds. The brain needs to get used to it, and that’s not easy. The Pokédex also mentions that when Magikarp evolves, its brain cells endure a structural transformation, which some people blame for Gyarados’ violent nature.

 

Goo Job! Magikarp captured! You fixed what I asked and more!