From Kittypet to Clan cat {Inspired by Warrior Cats}

Pokemon wanted: Sentret
Characters (w spaces): 7,756

Note: The Warrior Cats book series inspired me to make this story. If you have read the books, you'll understand a bunch of the terms in the story better.
Yes, the cat is the main character. No human trainers for you
I know the cat didn't actually catch it in the story, but it did befriend it.

~From Kittypet to Clan cat~

"Dinnertime! Come and get it, Shiny Princess!" a little girl called out into the dark night, holding a metal bowl filled with food.

Oh great. Just great. I get those stupid kibbles again. I wonder if I'm ever going taste one of the squirrels that run all around the forest. Oh well... better go eat my food before Claire gets worried... a kittypet named Shiny Princess thought to herself, wanting to go out into the forest. She ran over to the house and started eating the kittypet food that Claire, the little girl, set out. Someday I'm going to go out into the forest and catch a squirrel! the kittypet thought, wondering when she would get the perfect chance to get away.

~~~

Finally, the cat got out of the fenced-in yard, and out into the forest beyond! Now to go catch my first squirrel! Shiny Princess thought happily. She quickly spotted a squirrel, but it heard the kittypet collar jingle before she could get to it. Stupid kittypet collar. I'm not a kittypet anymore! I'm a wild cat!

"Hey, what do you think you're doing on our territory, you kittypet?!" a new voice meowed, "This is ThunderClan territory, and as far as I know you're not a ThunderClan cat. Get out!" A nearby bush rustled, and a fierce-looking dark cat came out.

"Who... who are you? What's ThunderClan? I didn't know-" Shiny Princess started meowing, but then the fierce cat grabbed her by the scruff and started hauling her away. "What are you doing?! I just wanted a squirrel!"

"I'm taking you back to ThunderClan camp. We'll see what Cedarstar has to say about this." the cat meowed around the fur in his mouth, "No trying to escape. You won't stand a chance out here, alone in the forest. I'll let go of you, but don't expect to get away easily." Shiny Princess thought about trying to run, but then decided not to. This cat was strong; too strong to get away from. I guess I'll just have to go to ThunderClan camp, whatever and wherever that is. I hope it isn't too far...

~~~

"What's this? You've brought a kittypet into ThunderClan camp? What is the meaning of this?" a ginger cat said, approaching Shiny Princess and the cat that found her.

"I found this kittypet in ThunderClan territory! She was trying to catch a squirrel, but she failed because of her kittypet collar. What do you want to do with her, Cedarstar?" the cat said, looking at the ginger cat.

"Well, first let the kittypet explain herself. What were you doing, trying to catch a ThunderClan squirrel?" Cedarstar said, shifting his gaze from the dark cat to Shiny Princess.

"I just wanted to taste a squirrel! Please don't hurt me; I didn't know that this was your territory!" Shiny Princess said, scared of all the other cats that gathered around her. "I really didn't know!"

"She seems to not know that this is ThunderClan territory. Though she seems innocent, we must keep her here for awhile, until we decide whether or not she is innocent." Cedarstar decided, jumping up onto a tall ledge and heading into a cave. "Maybe you should take her on a patrol, to show her the boundaries."

"What are you going to do to me? I don't want to die!" Shiny Princess meowed, still scared of all the cats around her.

"Don't worry, none of these cats will lay a paw on you as long as I'm around." another voice meowed. A blue cat came out from all the other cats and walked up to Shiny Princess. "None of these cats are allowed to harm you. By the way, what is your name?"

"My name is Shiny Princess. What is yours?" Shiny Princess asked the blue cat.

"My name is Mistpool. I am the medicine cat." the blue cat responded.

"Nice to meet you! So, when am I going on a patrol?" Shiny Princess asked Mistpool.

"I don't know. I think you should just stand here until Blazeclaw, the deputy, tells you to go on a patrol." Mistpool said, "If a cat starts talking to you, don't act stupid."

"I won't, I promise." Shiny Princess said, lying down.

~~~

"Hey, kittypet, you're going on a border patrol with Snoweye and Scarletstreak. They're leaving in... about 5 seconds." a bright red cat told Shiny Princess. He then moved on to talk to some other cats. Shiny Princess got up and started walking toward the two cats that were waiting by the entrance to the camp.

"About time you got here. We don't have all day!" the white cat said, obviously annoyed.

"Oh, stop making fun of her, Snoweye. It's not her fault if she's stupid. By the way, I'm Scarletstreak." another cat, a dark red one, said to Shiny Princess.

"Well, let's get on with the patrol!" Snoweye said. The three cats proceeded to walk out the entrance to the camp. They started going to the right, then started curving to the left. Shiny Princess smelled a horrible stench, then saw a giant Thunderpath.

"This is a Thunderpath. Here is where monsters with Twolegs in their bellies run. Beyond this border lies ShadowClan. They are the worst of the Clans, taking advantage of the smallest things." Scarletstreak told Shiny Princess. Snoweye apparently noticed something, and bounded away. A few seconds later she came back, holding a vole in her mouth.

"Why don't you try to hunt? If you're going to stay with us, you're going to need the skills," Snoweye told Shiny Princess, then noticed a surprised look on her face. "Blazeclaw and Cedarstar were talking about you possibly staying here. Don't just stand there, go try to find some prey!" Shiny Princess started padding away, and then the two other cats padded away in the opposite direction.

"Where are you going?" Shiny Princess called to them.

"We're going to renew the scent markings by ShadowClan. You can keep looking for prey." replied Scarletstreak. Shiny Princess decided to prove herself, and catch some prey. After padding around for a few minutes, she caught a scent. Squirrel she thought, and started stalking away toward the scent. She quickly spotted a plump looking squirrel, and jumped toward it when it went by her. Shiny Princess managed to catch it, and was just about to deliver the finishing strike to the neck when it started talking to her.

"Please, don't hurt me! I'll make it up to you if you let me go. I'll be your faithful servant!" the squirrel said, looking up with pleading eyes. Shiny Princess finally gave in and let it go, but felt depressed inside. Now I won't have anything to show to Scarletstreak and Snoweye...

~~~

Later on, when Shiny Princess and the two other cats were heading back to ThunderClan camp, a vole hanging from Shiny Princess's mouth, Scarletstreak was complimenting Shiny Princess on catching the vole on her first try. A vole had shown up after the squirrel had run away, and the two warriors had seen Shiny Princess pounce upon it and catch it right away. "Now you'll have something to show Blazeclaw and Cedarstar when you get back! Maybe if you're lucky Cedarstar will let you become a ThunderClan apprentice!" Scarletstreak told Shiny Princess. Shiny Princess got happy because of this, and started feeling proud. Even though she had let a squirrel go, she had caught a vole with the other warriors watching. Shiny Princess then heard a small voice...

"Hey! Nice cat! Over here!" a small voice said. Shiny Princess looked over, and there was the squirrel standing in a tree. "My name is Pebbles. So your name is Shiny Princess? Nice to meet you. Just so you know, I'll be here whenever you need me. I promise that I will help you out a bunch of times. I'll be your best friend, though I'm a Sentret! Oh, you've probably never heard of Sentret's and Pokemon. I'm a Pokemon, not a squirrel. Whatever, I'll see you later! I'll tell you another time more about Pokemon. Later!" Pebbles then ran up the tree, not to be seen for awhile. Wow, he's sure a chatty creature. Shiny Princess thought.

The End. Of part 1. This might go on if I think it's good.

Some credit goes to Erin Hunter, the author of the Warrior Cats series, btw.

~Thunder

 

Re: From Kittypet to Clan cat (Ready for grading) {Inspired by Warrior Cats}

Wait, I LOVE the Warriors series, but I haven't read the newer books. WTF happened to Firestar? And i lol'd at the Sentret.

~That is all!~

 

Re: From Kittypet to Clan cat (Ready for grading) {Inspired by Warrior Cats}

I made up all the cat's names. If I used existing names, some people who read all the books might get messed up, thinking this actually followed the storyline. I just didn't want to mess with the actual storyline of the books. That's why Firestar isn't there. No, as far as I know, he hasn't died yet.

Glad there are some other Warrior fans in the URPG.

Yeah, I made him annoying on purpose. Makes the story more interesting.

Any other comments are appreciated.

 

Claimed. And don't worry, I've read ALL the Warriors books.

 

Intro: You start out with a human calling for her cat to come and eat. I have to give you originality points, because I don't think anyone's done a Warriors crossover on the URPG yet. In fact, I don't think anyone's done a Warriors/Pokemon crossover ever. There may be a reason for that. One thing I noticed, is that you have very little description, but I'll pick on you for that later. Right now though, I'll pick on you for the intro section. You don't tell me anything about Shiny Princess except that she's a cat, she doesn't like cat food, and she wants to go into the woods to catch a squirrel. That sounds like my cat. That sounds like every cat I've ever met, in fact. I wish you would've developed her personality more, it could have made this really interesting.

Plot/Reality: Shiny Princess goes into the woods to catch a squirrel, is captured by a Thunderclan patrol, is allowed (for some reason) to go on a border patrol, catches a Sentret (which she lets go), takes a vole she caught back to Thunderclan, and then briefly meets the squirrel again later. It is a unique plot, but it seems...slightly rediculous. I'm combining plot and reality for this grade, because a lot of things here don't really make sense to me. Why are there cats and Pokemon in the same universe? I know there are some animals in the Pokemon universe, but I don't think cats were ever one of them. I suppose I can accept that cats and Pokemon live together for this story, but there are some other issues I have problems with. Sentrets are big. Sentrets are at least as big as cats, and they are much bigger than most squirrels. Shiny Princess would probably not think the Sentret was a squirrel. She would probably think he was a mutant squirrel/raccoon, or that Starclan had brought the end times upon the forest. Also, if Pokemon and cats share the same universe, why would the cats not know what a Pokemon is? Why would she think it was a squirrel? Why do the Thunderclan cats let a prisoner go on a border patrol even though she can't mark their borders, since she doesn't have Thunderclan scent? Why would they consider her for a Thunderclan apprentice if she couldn't tell the difference between a squirrel and a Pokemon? Also, why is she not alarmed when what she thinks is a squirrel, talks to her? In Warriors, prey can't communicate with the cats. Another thing, why does Shiny Princess think to herself that she's a kittypet in the beginning? Kittypets don't know any of the Warriors terms, so she wouldn't know that she was a kittypet. My head hurts, so I'll go on to the next section.

Dialogue: Your dialogue is okay, and you use all the Warriors terminology correctly. All of the dialogue works and makes sense, so that's good. One thing I would have liked to have seen, was for your character's to explain some of the terminology through dialogue. For example, you could have Shiny Princess ask what a kittypet was, and have one of the other cats tell her that it was a cat that lived with humans. That way, anyone who reads this that wasn't familiar with Warriors would understand what's going on. Other than that, dialogue was okay.

Grammar: Your grammar was mostly okay, except for a few common mistakes. First, don't use double punctuation, like this:

Double punctuation often looks sloppy and unprofessional. The first sentence doesn't need an exclamation point, only a question mark.

You make a few mistakes about with connecting dialogue and speaking actions, like here:

Because the cat is meowing (which is a speaking verb), it nees to be connected to the dialogue with a comma, like this:

"I'm taking you back to ThunderClan camp, We'll see what Cedarstar has to say about this." the cat meowed around the fur in his mouth,

The only other thing I noticed, was this:

What's a dark cat? I think you mean a dark-colored cat. A dark cat could mean it's color, it's personality, or even that it's some new kind of cat, like a ghost/devil cat or something. Look out for phrases that seem vague like that.

Detail: You did an okay job describing what some of the cats looked like, but you never tell me what Shiny Princess looks like! I don't know anything about her. You also didn't describe the Sentret at all, other than saying that it looks like a squirrel. You need to add more detail. Tell me about the forest and the Thunderclan camp, what do the other cats look like, what does Shiny Princess look like? I want to know! Detail is your friend, as long as it doesn't turn into purple prose.

Length: Your story was 7k, and you need a minimum of 5k, so you're okay.

Personal Feelings: Honestly, I'm not a big fan of crossovers. Coming up with a reason for why two very distinct universes have combined, is challenging, and usually doesn't end well. I thought your story was unique, but I don't think you should have attempted it until you were a more accomplished author. Another bad thing about crossovers, is not everyone is able to understand what's going on.

Outcome:Sadly, Sentret not captured.


I feel like I was really tough on you, so I'm going to be nice. I want you to go back, fix the few grammatical errors you had, add some description to your story, give some of the cats an actual personality, and I'll give you your Sentret. You don't even have to fix the plot holes I mentioned in the Plot/Reality section. If you do post a second chapter to this though, try to explain some of them. For now, just fix what I told you to, and PM me when you're done.