퍼메이숀 업 워드스 (Formation of Words) (Needs a grader)

퍼메이숀 옵 워드스

She was one of those students who preferred to be silent in the classroom. Her presence was almost faint, almost to the point where a person would not notice her if he or she was not looking for her. It seemed that inconspicuous is an understatement.

She sat at the back, near from the corners of the room and far away from the doors. Still, the distance was enough for her classes. It is a miracle that the teachers actually recognize her. She ate her lunch alone, a dainty lunch box with its contents enough for her dainty figure.

She was a little Pokemon who looked like a child. She had her green hair drop down her eyes so that they're covered. Two little red horn, each shaped like the halves of the cartoon hearts she liked to doodle in the back of her notebooks, was protruding out of her head. It glowed faintly everytime her psychic powers, which is a trait of Psychic-type Pokemon like her, were used. Her simple white dress were worn shabbily, as if a child was wearing clothes for Pokemon older than her age.

She barely talked in class. It seems that in her school, the Starburg Academy, active participation is not much of a priority. When she wanted to tell something, her body does the message. Occasionally, her psychic powers proved useful otherwise.

In reality, she never talked. Nobody in the whole academy, much less her class, had heard even a whisper of her voice. This stirred up the usual gossips of adolescent cliques of Pokemon. Such rumors include she being deaf, a previous traumatic incident, or even too lazy to even talked. In reality, these are all untrue, as most gossips are.

In fact, she forgot how to talk. She herself cannot recall when she last talked. Her body language and her psychic powers did all the talking for her. Her timid personality did not help with the issue.

Until she reached the academic school year of language electives.

A list of available languages were shown to the whole class. She managed to read the list when the crowd had dissipated. She skimmed through the languages. French, too much associated with love. German, she heard it was too complicated. Mandarin Chinese, there was too much to memorize. Finally, there was a language that took her attention.

Korean.

She had learned that they have a separate text script that works closely to the alphabet, unlike Mandarin Chinese. The grammar is simple, if not different from English, unlike certain cases of German. Plus, unlike French, there was not too much fuss over the language.

Her first class started Monday the next week. The teacher was Mr. Jung, an Alakazam with a humanoid body and a face with fox-like features. He wore a plain beige polo and matchif beige pants, something that fits a teacher's looks. Their class consisted of 5 students from different sections, three boys and two girls. Apparently, the other students were interested in the other students. Nevertheless, Mr. Jung started the class with enthusiasm.

The first lesson took her interest. She learned that the consonant letters were formed from graphical representations of the different parts in making vocal sounds. Vowel letters, however, were derived from symbolisms of the sun in the heavens, the flat earth, and the upright body of a Pokemon. In general, the Korean alphabet, hangul as Mr. Jung called it, is the representation of all the sounds and the movements of the vocal organs. She thought of her inability to speak. It would be an interesting language for her.

As an activity, they were instructed to introduce themselves in class. Fortunately for her, they were given the night to review the language and the lesson, as well as how to write their names in hangul.

That night, she studied well how she would move her mouth and generate her voice again.

The first syllable required the near contact of the tongue and the teeth, along the with the aspiration, a puff of air. Then, she connected the sound of the e in the word "elephant".

"제…" she said, barely managing.

She realized how her voice is like a forgotten muscle. Once it came back, it is easy to recall, albeit requiring tons of review on how to operate the organs again.

She reached the part where she was supposed to say her name. The first part needed her tongue to bend backwards, along with the a in "apple" and then required her tongue to bend backwards again. The next syllable then made her tongue reach out to her upper palate, adding more aspiration, so as to replicate the t in "tomato". The last syllable caused the tongue and the teeth to reach out, though not touching, each other.

"랄트스," she said. After an indefinite time in her life was she able to say her name. She experienced glee inside her, and she quickly finished her placard for tomorrow's activity and went to sleep.

---다음문장---

Today was the day she would present her voice for the first time. She had rehearsed her voice for this, as this would be the first time she would talk inside the school premises. After one of her classmates finished showing her placard and introducing herself, she stood up and went in front.

As soon as she went in front, some of her classmates started to exchange glances. This is an interesting sight for them, especially for those who knew her condition. Anyways, she took a deep breath and showed her placard-script.

"제 이름은 랄트스 임니다. 만나서 반갑슴니다."

Everyone applauded, a little too energetic. Mr. Jung joined in, although confused with the excessive festivities. She went back to her seat, a little glow of happiness inside her.

Soon, the event of her talking in front of the class spread around the school like wildfire. Her classmates tried to talk to her, but she shied away and replied by here ever-useful psychic powers. After some time, her classmates surrendered and left her alone.

The vibes of the Korean class seemed to motivate her to use her vocal organs. The more she knew of the many combinations of hangul, the more possibilities of her talking was bubbling up inside of her.

As she wrote away the lesson dictated by Mr. Jung, one of her classmates raised his hand to answer Mr. Jung's question.

He was one of those students in the other sections. He was small, with pointed ears that were black on the edges and yellow on the inside. His face was cute, which was agreed upon by the girls in the academy (she herself included), and his cheeks were decorated by two red blush stickers that gave off sparks everytime he got excited. His collar and tail were black and angular. His arms are stubby but long enough to catch the teacher's attention.

"죄송합니다!" he said.

The teacher nodded in approval and let him sit back down. She watched him do his action with earnest.

She oftentimes looked at him. He was a simple student, but she thought that the way he talks is very powerful and his voice rang through her heart. It seemed that his voice is embedded with confidence, and she liked that fact.

From there, she wanted to talk to him.

She tried to reach to him every lunch time, but he was always with his classmates, and approaching him with them there was not a choice.

She got a chance during their Korean class. Mr. Jung assigned his students an oral activity involving Korean phrases to make a conversation. As the teacher gave them timeto prepare, the three students huddled together. That left him and her.

He stood up and went to her direction. "소, 아이 팅크 위 슈드 팀 압," he said.

"어케이," she said.

They thought up of ideas about their conversation, until she remembered today was his birthday.

"투데이스 여 벗데이, 라잇?" she said.

"옙," he replied.

"하오 아바옷 위 턱 아바옷 잇?" she suggested.

"슈, 닷스 얼 라잇" he answered.

After a few minutes, the trio group performed their piece, which was about friends who only just met so they greeted each other.

Now, it was their turn. They went up in front and started their conversation.

"안녕하세요!"

"안녕!"

"생일 축하합니다,"

"고마워."

"아나에요."

They bowed after their performance, which earned them applause and everyone, including Mr. Jung, sang in unison, "생일 축하합니다! 생이 축하합니다! 생일 축하, 생이 축하, 생이 축하합니다!"

Apparently, everyone knew his birthday, granted that he was quite famous in the school.

"감사합니다, 감사합니다," he said, bowing his head as a gesture of sincerity.

As they went back to their seats, she felt a surge of happiness inside her. It was a miracle that her horns were not glowing too brightly.

Her feelings were now very certain.

---다음문장---

She was now very enthusiastic on every Korean class. She liked the way his vocal organs worked and caused his deep and cheery voice to resonate through the class and through her feelings.

They were friends during these classes. Fortunately, Mr. Jung liked to give activities that require interaction between his students. The other three Pokemon are happy with their group, so the two are always on tandem.

Otherwise, she never got close outside the class. Mostly, because he was occupied by his own social life and his club activities, tennis, which added to his fame.

The gap between his status and her nobodies made her doubt. How would he see her more than a friend in a foreign language class? She was just a handy friend in there, but she is a nobody outside the room.

But, at least, she wanted to tell him her feelings. She had to find an opportunity.

Autumn break was nearing. She was at the rooftop, eating lunch, since her homeroom was bustling with her classmates eager to enjoy their breaks. She mulled over her thoughts in the serene sky of autumn. Fallen leaves were scattered around the pebble-filled floor of the rooftop. Chilly wind was blowing, making her shiver in her simple white dress.

She could not think of a way to tell him what she wanted to say.

Then something dawned in her mind.

Back at home, she took a simple yet cute piece of stationery and wrote in the faded yellow paper:

"Hello. You would not probably notice the letter or the person who wrote this letter. If you were to read this, please come tomorrow, after class at 4, at the rooftop. You may know who wrote this up there.

I will be patient."

---다음문장---

During her lunch break, it was hard for her to sneak into his locker and deliver the letter. The lockers were contained in a separate room, so that all students can go in the same place for their belongings. Starburg Academy was not that populous, which made the locker room not so crowded.

When she made sure by her sight and her psychic powers that no one were looking at her, she quickly slipped the letter in the slit of his locker.

When the letter went inside, she knew that tomorrow was going to be inevitable.

When the date, time and place she wrote on the letter had met each other, her heart thumped and she was holding back the glow of her horns. She was waiting patiently on the rooftop, the autumn wind not helping with her shivering.

She could not back out now, but her feelings were shaky. She could say what she wanted to say, but would she get the reaction she wanted to receive?

Finally, he arrived. He looked curious, but neutral about the situation. When he saw her, he asked, "소, 워 유 다 완 후 산트 달 라터?"

She simply nodded.

She could not definitely back out now. She had to say it.

Her vocal organs started to work. She made the sound that caused the near formation of her teeth, which was followed by the vowel sound of the a in amorous. The next syllable caused her tongue to bend backwards and make the corresponding sound and was followed back by the same vowel sound of a, which was ended by the ng, a nasal sound with an encircled mouth. Finally, the last syllable has the mouth in a circle again, but with an extra expulsion of air, and the sound was joined by a diphthong of the sound of a and the i in inamorata.

All of these, the grand masterpiece of her vocal organs, were presented with her feelings, whatever the reaction would be. At least, in her mind, the thought would be as free as the autumn leaves dragged by the winds.

"피추-씨, 사랑해."

---
Basically, I tried experimenting with two ideas. Firstly, I tried not mentioning their names (for some reason. Also their names are mentioned in dialogues.). Secondly, all dialogues are in hangul, because as explained in the story, hangul is the description of the vocal organs at work. Some are in English (which I only used the letters) and some in Korean.

Translations (anything amiss please do tell me):

"Je..." ( only a Korean syllable)
"Ralts," (obviously her name)
"My name is Ralts. Pleased to meet you." (korean)
"Sorry!" (Korean, remember that he was being asked here, not actually saying sorry.)
"So, I think we should team up." (English)
"Okay," (English)
"Today's your birthday, right?"
"Yep."
"How about we talk about it?"
"Sure, that's alright."
"Hello!" (Korean)
"Hi!"
"Happy birthday to you!"
"Thanks!"
"<Korean version of the happy birthday song>"
"Thank you, thank you."
"So, were you the one who sent the letter?" (English)
"I love you." (Korean)

Target: Ralts, Medium
CC: 11988

(Btw, id like a very detailed grade. Thanks!)

 

Re: 퍼메이숀 업 워드스 (Formation of Words)

This is a very interesting story on a Ralts overcoming her speech issues through Korean! I am very glad and impressed to see Korean used in the story, and except for some minor spelling/grammar mistakes, you used them very well. (I speak Korean)

As for the story as a whole, I enjoyed it as a fluffy one-shot :3 The confession at the end was really cute

 

Re: 퍼메이숀 업 워드스 (Formation of Words)

@Kyriaki; omg hahaha thanks! I am not that good or even fluent in Korean, I only know how to use hangul, but sometimes I mix up stuff XD

 

Re: 퍼메이숀 업 워드스 (Formation of Words)

I shall write the very detailed grade you have requested!

 

Re: 퍼메이숀 업 워드스 (Formation of Words)

I actually can't grade this now because I'm working on a story deal... sorry...

 

Re: 퍼메이숀 업 워드스 (Formation of Words)

It's okay! ^^

This story is up for grabs again XD

 

well, since the story still hasn't been graded and ungraded stories keep me awake at night, i'll claim this again and actually grade it, I promise

 

@VoltChen Magneton;

Introduction: Your introduction is really, really awesome. It's awesome because you don't say the main character is a Pokémon right away. Instead, you describe her as though she is a human, so your readers are sympathizing with her right off the bat, before we even know much about her. That way, even when it's eventually revealed that she's a Pokémon, we still consider her a person and are interested in her story. The reveal only serves to add to the excitement of not knowing anything about this strange and interesting humanoid Pokémon.

You also introduce the idea of your character simply not knowing how to talk, as she forgot, right at the beginning. This is an intriguing concept, since if I would guess at any Pokémon that could talk, I would say Psychic types. They're generally regarded as the smartest Pokémon, so even if they wouldn't talk with their mouths, as your Ralts can't, they could speak with their minds. Why can't she do that? It seems she's capable, from reading some of your story. She doesn't really need to talk, although I'd understand if she wanted to.

Plot: Your plot is so sweet it gave me diabetes. Seriously, I got a sugar overdose and had to be rushed to the hospital before I could finish this grade. I really hope it's worth it.

The thing that stood out to me the most was how unique this plot was. I've read and graded lots of stories during my time here, and I've never seen this plot or anything resembling it before. This seems small but it's actually super important because Pokémon stories have a thing about recycling plots. Therefore, creativity like I see in this story is something to be valued.

The idea of Pokémon going to school, presumably in a world where Pokémon are dominant as opposed to humans, is a fun one and I like it a lot. It's been done before and, like other stories that use the mechanism, you don't address the glaring question of how something like this would happen but I like it better like this. It's far more fun to keep some things shrouded in mystery and I think even a brief explanation would have seemed out of place.

There were also a few moments that struck me as being repetitive, especially this one.

The entire bolded part of the sentence is unnecessary. When you mention that she's a Pokémon and that she has psychic powers, we automatically assume that she's a psychic Pokémon. You don't need to say it. In fact, it would fit better with your rather subtle style if you didn't say it.

Also, is should be are, because it's referring to her powers, which are plural.

The love story aspect of your plot is the climax, but it doesn't consume the story, which can happen when people get too caught up in a single part of their plot. Instead you do a great job of weaving it together with the language theme with the final declaration of love.

I don't know why this would be hard for her. Since the lockers are separate and the room isn't crowded, why is it hard for her? I think you might be missing a word here.

I enjoyed this story because it was perfectly self-contained. It didn't feel like it needed to be any shorter or longer and the ending pretty much ties up all loose ends.

Grammar: Your story can't decide whether it wants to be in past or present tense, which was like your one major recurring issue. I think what happened here is that you were trying to write in present tense but kept reverting to past out of habit, which is something that happens when writing in present tense, trust me.

See, the first sentence here is in past tense, and the second is in present tense. I bolded the verbs so you could see the difference between them better. Present tense ends with -s, and past tense ends with -ed. When you switch back and forth, like you do in your story, your reader gets super confused.

Also this is just a style choice but I always mention it whenever I see this in a story: write the word out whenever you're mentioning a number. Like, say 'five' as opposed to '5'. It works better and it looks better (plus it adds a little to your overall CC!)

Description: It was so pretty. (My two settings when talking about description are 'It was pretty' or 'Not enough', apparently).

But you did a really cool thing in this story, and that was that you described the main characters until it was obvious what sort of Pokémon they were, but never actually stated it. That played perfectly into the sort of quiet and subtle theme running through this story, and I seriously loved it.

The other good descriptions in this story were when she was talking. I'll quote you one here so you can see what I'm talking about.

That description is great because it brings the reader right down into her struggle. She has to think about talking in order to speak. For most of us it's a completely natural instinct. But she has to fight for it, which is the point of the story and what makes it such a great story, in my opinion. Stuff like this really forces your reader to sympathize with your character, and pity her struggle. These were by far my favorite descriptions in the whole story.

Length: 11990 is on the lowish end of the spectrum for a Medium, but since the story has pretty perfect pacing and I really wouldn't want you to add or remove anything, I'm going to say its good.

Verdict: This was a super easy story to grade. In the end it's a sweet and creative story that totally deserves to have Ralts be caught!

Other Stuff: So, I know you requested a detailed grade, and I'm sorry if this isn't long enough for you- I like writing long grades as much as I'm sure you like reading them. I get paid more for the longer ones, actually. So I'd make this longer if I could for both of our sakes, but I couldn't find much wrong with this story. It's a really, really good story! I did elaborate on the few things I did find, but really, this is a good story.

Also you've been waiting for a long time to get a grade and I didn't want to take too long writing this grade up.