Flight: Chapter 1

I've posted the original in Bulbagarden's own Fiction Fairground... I hope that's okay. Here it is:
Flight: Chapter 1

Spoiler

Pokemon going for: Caterpie
CC needed: 3k-5k
CC: 4010

 

I'll claim this!

 

Hey Syn, it's been almost a month and a half. Everything all right? I mean, I totally understand if you've run out of time to grade stories... I just hope nothing's wrong.

 

@PianoManGibb ; Sorry I've been really preoccupied with college lately :/ I'm gonna have to unclaim this, but it's still a nice story (def gunna pass :072: )

 

@PianoManGibb; Well, I can claim this! I can have the grade either later or next week. Dunno. Screw Korean pop.

 

(Originally, the grade is here, but there must be done to it first before posting it.)

 

I'm just going to make a new post @PianoManGibb;


Intro:

Right off the bat, the readers would know what the character's goal will be. We could already see how the story will flow, but showing not too much as too predictable. This one's creative, and I don't get to see this kind of intro everyday. Good job!

Plot:

I feel that the way the Caterpie reached its goal is somewhat passive. It seems that the Caterpie get to reach the sky is by the actions of external forces. Well, there's that "i climb that branch to feel the sky yehet", but self-actions are at a minimum. That's quite proved by the line: "I do not know what I did to deserve this gift." It would be better if the action was done by the Caterpie itself. For example, which would be better. a climax wherein the the character was just placed in there, or the climax wherein the character's actions caused him to reach that climax and solve it himself? More action means more things the readers would read more. It excites them when there are a lot (considering the length of your stories, by then) of actions and events. You'd certainly want them to be excited while reading them, or else they'll get bored. How you showed that to the story fits the story, but be alert when writing future stories because they might not work and would bore the readers. Just a note, just follow the line "Easy come, easy go." Or just base it on pure hardwork.

For the characterization, it was good. Caterpie did reach his/her goal. It reminded me of Bagon XD.

And now for something specific, there's that part where the Caterpie was caught by a Poke Ball. But then, it's shown as if the Caterpie was Trainer-less. How is this so? Was the Caterpie released?

Anyways, the story enough is good.

Detail:

To the prose, it exceeds the expectations of an Easiest-ranked story. That's not much of a problem, anyways XD

Anyways, you did show the Caterpie's detail, although it was quite late. That, considering the previous event, which was quite major enough. While it's fine, it kinda disrupts the readers if they would try to reimagine that scene, or they would be clueless imagination-wise with the story. You'd want the readers to read the story very smoothly, if they got disrupted at one point, just like that issue, they would get confused. Worst case scenario, they'll stop reading. Try putting the detail early in the story. Do try to remember that introductions and expositions (detail) go hand in hand together and mostly do the same job together.

Anyways, you're fine!

Grammar:

You're fine!

Although, I do wonder why you have to format the story into something poetry-like when it could also be in story-format (with a few tweaks). Actually, it gives a flair to the story itself. The emotions are condensed enough in the words, and converting it to story-mode could pass off for Simple-ranks.

Inclusion:

Caterpie's the main character, after all!

Length:

The length's good as it is! Also, if you were to turn this into something of a story (refer to Grammar section), it would go longer.

Conclusion:

Caterpie captured!

It's good enough! And sorry for the looong wait!

Also @Smiles;

 

Yay, thank you for the grade!