Finding Refuge Part Two - (J.E.3) [Mature]

Target Pokémon: Sneasel, Shroomish
Difficulty: Hard, Medium
Target Length: 30k - 50k
Final Length: Approx 45k

This is the third part of Jathan's story, so you should read Parts One and Two before you read this one. I've become really attached to Jathan and the world he inhabits, so I'll probably be writing mainly about him. This series will probably go on for quite a while. Please feel free to post (in here, or in the Discussion thread, or on a VM, or whatever) what you think about Jathan's universe, so I can make it better. Likes, dislikes, opinions, ideas, etc.

Warning: This story contains a little bit of swearing (the strongest stuff is bleeped) and since the story is told from a teenage male's point of view, he thinks some raunchy things sometimes. You have been warned.

Seriously though it's not that bad.

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Chapter One

The bus bounced over a pothole on the dirt road. I bashed my head on my headrest as I was jolted around like everyone else.

I swore, and wondered what I had done to deserve being stuck on this ancient land-based vehicle.

I mean, I was an overweight ex-Military School student. I wasn't attractive nor overly intelligent. Hell, I was currently dressed in a cut-up and slightly smelly school uniform under my almost invincible black blazercoat. There was no reason anyone should be jealous of me and thus curse me with this appalling bus ride.

My partner, Smash the Mudkip, was safely inside his PokeBall, which in turn was nestled inside an outer sleeve pocket of my trenchcoat.

Lucky little blighter, I grumbled. Still, he did deserve a rest. Recently, he had won his first (I assume) Pokémon battle. He had prevailed despite being poisoned and at a severe type disadvantage.

George, someone who was affiliated with a group of Pokémon Trainers I found myself mixed up in, had recommended me for an important operation. Inside of eleven hours, Pokémon would be reclassified as dangerous Aura Beasts, so the strike team, being transported by this pain-in-my-ass bus, was on their way to the Agricultural Depot to steal a cargo freighter for us all to escape on.

The bus itself was an extra wide one. Six people could sit per row, and there were twelve rows. Despite this, only twenty or so people were present on the bus, spread out over eight rows. I sat close to the front, and I didn't dare turn around to look at the others. Most of them had deep voices, and those that didn't sounded like twenty-something women, which in a way were even more frightening.

So at the front I sat, tooling around with my PDA. I was being studied by Liam, the Armoury Master. He sat in the passenger seat, next to the driver and on the opposite side of a chain-link gate to me. He stood up, and opened the gate, walking through. He walked past me, on the way to the back of the bus.

I turned around, watching him. Out of the corner of my eye, I looked at some of the other passengers. Most were male, and they wore traditionally male clothing, like singlets and shorts. A few sported caps and a couple had sunglasses.

There were also three women. All were of middle height and quite compact, yet with appreciable curves. Two were blonde, and one a redhead. They wore tight pink shirts and very short jeans, to which variously different coloured PokeBalls were clipped.

I snorted mentally. They were hot, sure, but they were a fair bit older than me, and they were probably bitches.

Liam had reached the back of the bus. He turned around and surveyed all of us. I saw his eyes linger on me longer than on the others.

"Listen up, ladies!" Liam bellowed. I was way too far out of my comfort zone to bristle at the command, like most of the other guys were.

"We'll be arriving at the Depot soon," Liam continued. "I'm going to split you up into three teams: Alpha; Beta; and Gamma. Alpha will infiltrate the freighter and exfiltrate anyone who may be in there. Beta will cover Alpha from the outside of the train, and keep security entertained. Gamma breaks into the station and liberates the keychip. Any questions?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Alright," he grunted. He indicated the backmost three rows.

"You lot will be Gamma. I'll be coming with yez too, to make sure you don't screw up," he said. The rows groaned.

Smiling, Liam turned and pulled a key out of his pocket. He inserted the key into a lock on the back wall of the bus. He turned the key, and the whole wall let out a pneumatic hiss as it swung forward. The disguised door revealed rows of guns and chests of (I assumed) ammunition.

Quite a few of the passengers, myself included, gasped.

Liam passed automatic rifles around to everyone in Gamma Team. I sighed internally. They looked like Kaiman Penetrators, widely regarded as the most dangerous handheld non-explosive weapon. Using one would have been sweet.

Next, Liam pointed to the women, two guys, and me.

"You guys are Alpha," he said, turning to get weapons for us.

"What?" one of the blondes asked incredulously. "There's only five of us!"

I flushed as I realised she hadn't included me in her count. Bitches. Totally called it.

Liam snorted, also catching the insulting deduction. "All you guys are doing is kicking a few civilians off the train," he said. "It's not like you need a frigging army."

Liam pulled out six shotguns. I shuddered. I hated shotguns. Way too crude.

I put my hand up, like I used to in class.

"Excuse me, could I just get some nine-mill clips instead?" I asked.

Not a few of the other passengers snorted. The other blonde turned to look at me as if I were an insect.

"Of course you can, princess," Liam replied. I blushed as the shotguns and a small plastic bag of clips were handed forward. Liam began talking to Beta Team as I inspected the clips.

I wasn't impressed. They were all dusty, and a few made a very distinct rattling sound that I didn't like. That said, they were a fair model, twelve bullets per clip. I took out my handkerchief and started cleaning the clips as best I could.

Chapter Two

I had just finished re-inspecting each of the clips when Liam whistled shrilly. Everyone turned to look at him. He gestured to the left window, where the city was easily visible.

"We'll be arriving at our destination soon," Liam said, scowling at the city. "I don't want anyone onto us until we reach the Depot, so keep your weapons out of sight."

I nodded. For the last ten minutes we had been driving through small towns and most recently, the city outskirts. I didn't have any particular love for scenery, so instead of staring out the window I had restored each clip to working order. I had even fixed the rattling clips.

The bus turned a corner around a large office building, and through the front window we caught our first glimpse of the Depot. It was a long, squat, gray building. Some large buses, including the super-freighter, were behind it. There was a large bare trail leading from the Depot: this was how the buses got in and out.

Liam spoke up.

"Alright, we're going to drive down the entry track," he said. "There will be some minimal resistance. We'll bail once we get through the fence, and then it's business as planned."

One of the guys behind me chuckled.

I loaded a clip into my G6 and put it into my shoulder holster. As I did so, the bus turned onto a road that ran parallel to the entry track.

Liam released a yellow fox-like Pokémon from a PokeBall. It stood upright and carried a spoon in each hand. These spoons were severely bent and twisted.

I remembered what it was - an Alakazam. It turned around and faced the front, looking out the window.

The bus picked up speed. I could see the speedometer's needle rise higher and higher.

A police car rose vertically into the air from a parking space as we passed it. It chased after us, siren screaming.

"Now, Liam said quietly to the driver.

In response, the driver yanked the wheel to the right. He smashed through the flimsy railing, and the bus lurched onto the Depot's entry track. The police car shot after us.

"Someone take care of that!" Liam yelled without looking away from the Depot.

I looked around to the back of the bus. One of the guys smashed a window with the butt of his Penetrator, and he threw a PokeBall through the whistling hole. It enlarged as it flew, and it cracked in two as a large red dragon with blue wings burst forth. I watched, amazed, as the PokeBall flew back towards the bus and through the broken window into the guy's hand.

The red dragon - a Charizard, I guessed - flew over the police car, breathing a plume of fire over it. The strike reminded me of one of the games I played in which flying machines flew over ground targets, dropping bombs on them. Unfortunately, the police car shot out of the fireball, still chasing us. An officer leaned out of the passenger side window, firing at the Charizard with his pistol.

The Charizard roared with rage, and he banked left, shooting smaller fireballs at the car, blowing the rear bumper off. It then grasped the car with its hands and it pushed the car into the ground, grinding it into the road. It roared its triumph.

"Eyes front, ladies!" Liam yelled.

We all obeyed. Obviously, the police had relayed a warning to the Depot. I could just see a row of men kneeling, aiming pistols at the bus.

Liam grunted. "That was expected," he muttered.

But then something happened that wasn't.

An orb of white light launched into the sky from behind the Depot. It reached a magnificent height, and then it began falling. I couldn't figure out what it was, until I realised my mistake. The orb wasn't falling, it was heading towards us!

"Incoming!" I yelled.

Chapter Three

The white orb tore towards our bus, growing from the size of a marble to the size of a small car.

The Alakazam raised its arms, which began to glow blue. Then, when the orb was but fifty metres from the bus, it jerked its arms down and to the left. The orb suddenly jumped to the left as well. It hit the ground, and exploded.

The bus drove straight through the explosion, and I saw another white orb in the sky already.

"Where the hell did they get artillery?" Liam asked himself, outraged. He pointed to the orb, and the Alakazam's arms began to glow blue again.

As he did so, the men kneeling on the Depot porch opened fire. Their bullets pinged off the bus, and two windows were shattered.

"Open fire!" Liam bellowed.

All of Gamma Team started firing out of the windows. The Penetrators fired so fast that they seemed to be emitting white streams of death. One stream slashed across one of the guards, pushing him into the wall behind him.

Returning my attention to the front, I saw the Alakazam explode an orb high in the sky. The bus swerved to the left, crashing through a chain link fence.

"Beta, go!" Liam yelled. He pressed a button and the front right side of the bus blew off. Five guys jumped off as the bus temporarily slowed down. They were all carrying large rifles. I watched as they rolled on impact, and then laid in the grass, aiming their rifles at the guards. I heard a crack and saw a flash of light. I turned to look at the guards, and one had been pushed violently to the wall by a single bullet. As I watched, he fell to his knees, then collapsed, leaving a wet red splash on the wall.

The bus started edging closer to the depot. It reached the corner, and then drove around it. It was now speeding between the Depot and the freighter.

"Gamma, send your long-rangers to take out the artillery," Liam called, shucking a shotgun.

A few other guys dropped their rifles, fumbling in their pockets for their PokeBalls. Another red dragon was released, as well as an orange one and a blue one that looked like a dragon crossed with a shark. The shark-like dragon quickly dug underground, and the others flew off over the building, belching fire at targets I couldn't see.

We were reaching the end of the freighter when I heard the sound of glass breaking. Then, the bus lurched to the left, where it began grinding against the stone walls of the Depot. Finally, it rolled over, and came to rest on its side.

Stunned, I shook my head and looked around. No one else looked hurt, except the driver, who was slumped over the wheel and slowly falling out of his chair. For the first time, I could see him clearly: he was wearing a trenchcoat and a dark cap, but some bright blue hair stuck out from underneath said cap.

Liam groaned, and looked over to the driver. He growled, and kicked the door open.

"Everyone, you know your jobs," he called, without looking at us. "See you on the freighter in ten."

He jumped up, and climbed out of the door, which was now acting like a sunroof. Some of the guys walked past me, and followed him. However, I grabbed a shotgun that was lying on a seat and I shot out the actual sunroof. I threw away the shotgun and dived out the window.

Chapter Four

Outside looked more like a battlefield than anything else. I assumed the ground would be more or less flat, but there were little craters all over the place. I crouched low. To my right was the Depot. It was speckled with windows, and some of them were occupied with guards. In front and to my left was the back of the freighter. The thin corridor we drove down was all muddy, but some Trainers were running up it, shooting at guards and releasing various Pokémon from their PokeBalls. I ran over to the freighter, keeping low. I had no idea where the rest of Alpha was, and honestly I couldn't care less. When I reached the railing, I drew out my PokeBall and summoned Smash, my Mudkip, onto the train.

"Keep an eye out for any guards coming back here," I instructed him.

He gurgled and ran into the freighter through the (strangely open) door.

I then grunted as I pulled myself up and over the bar. Out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the women lithely vault over the bars and enter the freighter. I ignored her, except to catch a glimpse of her butt.

I tumbled over the bars, panting. After a few seconds, I sat up. Smash was in front me, panting as well.

"You want back in the ball?" I asked him.

He gurgled and shook his head.

I shrugged, and stood up, drawing my pistol as I did so. Despite feeling fatigued, my arms were unmoving, solid as iron, just like I learned in Marksmanship. I lowered my head and bent my knees slightly. This was the firing position we had been taught. I kept that position as I walked through the door. The first carriage was largely empty. There were a few shin-high crates against the walls.

I passed through the carriage. In this one, there were lots more of those crates, but they were stacked in towers. Each tower was roughly twice as high as me, and four times as wide.

More interestingly, I could see flashes of light reflected by the dull walls. They looked like gunshots. However, the only gunshots I heard were the ones outside.

I swore. That meant whoever was in here was using silenced weapons. I wriggled my shoulder.

"Smash, jump up and watch my back," I said. I heard him gurgle, and then felt a weight on my shoulder as he jumped up and jostled around so he was looking backwards.

I slightly unfocused my eyes, adjusting for a wide angle. I’d need to see as much as possible, as opposed to being as accurate as I usually was.

I started walking forward. As I reached the end of a row of towers, I’d look right, then left, then proceed. I did this by swivelling my torso – my eyes never stopped looking down the barrel of my gun.

Once I reached the third row of towers, I saw another inside flash and I heard a yell, not far away. Moving faster, I reached the edge of my row, and looked right.

One of the guys assigned to Alpha was on the ground, bleeding from the shoulder. I watched as a guard walked out of cover, and stood over him. Without hesitating, the guard raised his pistol and pointed it at the Trainer’s head.

I pulled the trigger of my G6.

The bullet left the barrel of my gun and smashed into the guard’s head. The guard’s head lolled to the left, and he fell over sideways. Blood spattered all over the crates and the floor.

I lowered my pistol, and ran over to the Trainer. He was gasping on the floor, left hand on his left shoulder. In his right hand he held a shotgun.

“Are you alright?” I asked him.

He gritted his teeth. “I’m not dying any time soon,” he replied. “I think it went right through.”

This was more positive than it sounded. Since there were no foreign bodies in the wound, there were less possible complications.

I pulled a biofoam needle out of my blazer.

“This is going to sting like a bitch,” I warned him. Before waiting for a reply, I jabbed the needle into his shoulder and injected him with the contents.

He groaned as the biofoam travelled through the bloodstream to the wound, where it began hardening on air contact. That would hold him for a couple hours, as long as he didn’t exert himself too much.

“Stay here and make sure no-one boards us from behind,” I said. I realigned my pistol with my line of sight. As I moved off, I heard him chuckle silently.

As I progressed further along the massive carriage, the internal lights died out. The only lighting were infrequent slit windows. It was as dark as an hour after the sun setting. I brought my G6 closer to my face and began aiming through the scope. My field of vision would be limited, but at least the scope had rudimentary night vision and motion tracking.

As I continued forward, I saw small red waves appear on the scope to the right. Motion.

I headed to the left, where I physically bumped into another guard. Before I could react, Smash turned and sprayed water into the guard’s face. As he automatically recoiled, I turned and shot him. He lay on the ground, twitching. I couldn’t see too clearly, but judging by the position he’d landed in and the slowly spreading sheet of blackness that was blood, I’d hit him in the side. He’d probably survive.

I kicked him where I thought I’d shot him, and was rewarded with the sound of him throwing up. He wasn’t going anywhere for a while.

I passed him and inched forward, mindful of the fact that there was at least one more guard in here.

That’s when I heard more people enter the carriage from the same direction I had. I spun and crouched low, entering an almost sitting position. I watched through my sight as four people moved through the carriage, whispering audibly. I saw them waving shotguns in various directions. I realised who they were: the rest of Alpha. The three women and the surviving guy. At the back of my mind, I wondered how I ended up in front of the woman who entered the freighter before me.

When they got close enough I hissed at them.

“Shut the hell up! There are guards in here!” I swore angrily.

The guy laughed. “There’s no one in here,” he snorted. “They’ve all run away.”

And with that, he rested his shotgun on his shoulder and he walked confidently towards the front of the carriage.

I watched in horror as my scope blinked red again. I raised my G6, but I was too late. I saw another flash, and the Trainer slumped over.

I moved my pistol to my eye, and through the scope saw the guard plain as day. Strangely, the scope identified the guard as a “Friendly”, but I pulled the trigger. The G6 ejected the round and I hit the guard square in the chest. He staggered, but didn’t fall, so I shot him again, this time in the shoulder. He fell over and hit the ground with a wet splat. Even from here, I could hear him breathe his last breath.

Suddenly, one of the women squealed and ran over to the idiot Trainer. She began crying over his body. I didn’t have the heart to scold her, so I merely moved past her and continued carefully onwards.

Chapter Five

I crossed two more rows of towers, while listening to the woman’s wail. I felt sorry for her, but there is a time and a place for sadness.

Not here and not now.

I saw the door, and I opened it. Light shone into the darkness. I took a careful step outside, and saw that I was standing on a little chain bridge interlinking the previous carriage to the next one.

I walked to the next carriage’s door, and I tried the doorknob. It was locked.

I was about to smash it when I saw a better option.

Welded onto the carriage itself was a series of rungs that made up a rudimentary ladder onto the top of the carriage.

I climbed up the ladder, and hauled myself onto the roof of the carriage.

I began to crawl forward, keeping close to the edge of the carriage. This meant there would be less chance of any wayward noises I made as I moved.

I looked to my right, at the Depot. There were a few thin tendrils of smoke rising, and I could hear yells and gunfire. The three dragons that had flown off to take care of the artillery were now circling the Depot. One of the red ones was bleeding from the neck, and the land-shark was unconscious on the ground. At least, I hoped it was unconscious.

I also saw, through the windows, guards, Trainers, and occasionally Pokémon fighting for the control of the Depot. I saw a little yellow mouse with a crooked tail get nailed in the back by a guard with a shotgun, right before the guard was cut to pieces by razor-sharp leaves. I saw a little green mushroom Pokémon shooting spores over four guards. Two fell asleep, one threw up and the other starting spasming involuntarily.

I reached the end of the carriage, and saw that I only had one more carriage to go before I reached the engine. I climbed over to the last carriage, talking to Smash as I did so.

“Smash,” I grunted, “you’d better go back into the ball. It should be smooth sailing from here.”

Smash yapped and he touched the PokeBall in my pocket, returning himself.

I continued to crawl, keeping myself low. I heard – and felt – gunfire in the carriage I was crawling over. Obviously the rest of Alpha was trying a more conventional tactic. Good luck to them.

I saw the engine just ahead. Usually, large buses like this freighter have the engine at the back, literally pushing the carriages. I guess that the extreme size of this particular bus required more stability, and so it had been modified.

I climbed down onto the chain bridge, trying to keep low. I saw a guard stationed on the porch aim his rifle at me. Before he could shoot, however, the bleeding red dragon saw him and shot a multicoloured beam of light at him. The beam of light caught him in the stomach, and it smashed him against the walls. He crumpled, and I shuddered. From what I could see, most of his major bones were broken.

I turned to the door leading into the engine. I tried to knob, but it too was locked. I pulled out my G6 and I elbowed the glass. I didn’t even get cut, thanks to my apparently invincible blazercoat.

I saw two people – civilians – turn and see me. I pointed my gun at them through the broken window.

“Don’t move,” I said, trying to sound menacing.

Obviously I succeeded, because they both put their hands up and didn’t move.

I kept pointing the G6 at them as I opened the door and closed it again. I figured that the guards in the carriages would be so busy dealing with the rest of Alpha that they would never think to check on the engine.

“Both of you, get out and run,” I ordered, keeping a few metres between us as I edged around them to the controls.

They didn’t need a second chance. They edged past me to the door, then the lead one flung it open and they both ran out.

I turned to the controls.

“How the hell do I work this out?” I asked myself.

“Here, let me,” a voice said from behind me.

I turned, pointing my gun and dropping to my knee as I did so. But it was only the three Alpha girls. The speaker was the blonde on the bus who hadn’t counted me. The redhead was bleeding from her right knee, and she was supported by the other blonde.

I holstered my pistol and gestured to the controls, stepping back as I did so. The blonde stepped past me and flicked a few switches before pressing a button.

The engine rose a metre into the air.

“No way,” I gasped. “Hover buses haven’t been perfected yet!”

“Obviously they have been,” retorted the redhead-supporting-blonde retorted. I realised that she had been the one who had cried at the death of the Trainer three carriages back.

I bit back a retort. I looked out the broken window and saw the carriage behind us begin to rise into the air.

“Isn’t that broken window going to be a problem going through the Razers?” the redhead asked, biting her lip.

I shook my head as I pressed a big red button next to the door. Thick steel shutters slammed down over the broken glass, sealing it off.

I heard the crackle of a walkie-talkie from the driving blonde’s pocket. I was surprised she could fit anything in there.

She pulled it out and listened to it for a bit.

“Yes sir, we have the train secured,” she replied. “Awaiting forward propulsion code."

The walkie-talkie crackled for a couple seconds. When it fell quiet, the blonde leaned over a small keypad I hadn't seen and punched in a series of numbers. Upon finishing, the engine hummed loudly and I could feel a slight but undeniable vibration in the floor.

"Code confirmed," Driving-Blonde said into the walkie-talkie.

The walkie-talkie emitted three sharp squawks, and then was quiet.

Driving-Blonde turned around and pointed at me.

"You go and check on Sam," she ordered.

I looked straight into her eyes, unblinking. I considered refusing, but that meant I'd have to stay in here with these three. I almost preferred the company of the corpses in the carriages.

Without replying, I swept out of the engine control room and I made my way towards the back of the freighter.

Chapter Six

I walked through the carriages, stopping to drag guard corpses aside to the walls of the carriages. One of the corpses was the guard I had incapacitated - obviously someone in Alpha had double-tapped him, shot him even though he was down to make sure he stayed down.

I frowned. A sound tactical manoeuvre, but I didn't think I'd be able to do it myself.

As I progressed backwards, I remembered something strange. When I had shot at that guard, my scope had identified him as a friendly. Thinking on it, I could only determine two possible reasons. There was a glitch in the computer systems of the scope, or he really was a friendly.

But, he was a guard. He was against us.

Then the answer dawned on me.

I hadn't recalibrated my scope since I left the Zone 19 Military School. It would still be identifying Giravian personnel as "friendly".

I checked under the left forearm of one of the guards. Sure enough, there was an eight character string tattoo. That tattoo meant this guard had been accepted into the Giravian military.

I had no idea what a Giravian soldier was doing playing guard in an agricultural freighter. But, I didn't have to worry about that. I made a mental note to tell Liam.

As I did so, the metal carriage wall sparked just above my head. I dropped low and scooted over to a tower of crates. I stuck my head out slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of my attacker. The wall behind me sparked again, but now I knew who was shooting at me.

"Sam, cease fire!" I hissed.

Silence.

"Ashley, is that you?" a voice asked.

"No, Jathan," I replied, speaking quietly for no particular reason.

"Oh. Sorry," Sam replied.

I uncurled, and began walking in the direction of his voice. As I did so, the carriage's internal lighting system turned on. It could have been on a timer, or one of the girls in the engine could have turned them on. Didn't matter to me either way.

With the lights on, I could now see Sam clearly. He had chosen an ingenious hiding spot. He had dragged himself next to one of the thin windows. The light entering the carriage from the window partially blinded anyone looking around, and they wouldn't be able to see him in the darkness right next to the window because of the light contrast.

I walked over to him, raising a hand in greeting. Sam thrusted his chin upwards in the universal youth's silent greeting.

"I'm just going to check your wound," I told him, kneeling.

He nodded, holding his jacket open.

He gasped as I carefully peeled away his shirt, which was plastered to his skin by sweat. The wound itself looked alright - the inner muscles had been sealed off by the biofoam.

"It looks alright," I said, getting a roll of bandage out from my field kit. "You might wanna get it checked by a medic."

"I'll get Luke to check it. Where is he?" Sam asked.

I looked at him, raising my left eyebrow.

"Sam? Our medic? He went onwards with the girls."

I coughed. "Oh." I coughed again. "He, uh, didn't make it. He got shot."

Sam was quiet as I continued bandaging up his wound.

Just as I was clipping the finished bandage into place, I heard thundering and crashing sounds coming from the back of the freighter. I peered around a tower of crates and I saw the rest of the Trainers pile on. A couple were being carried by others. There were also a few Pokémon who weren't in their PokeBalls: a little blue bird with white, fluffy, cloudlike wings; a tall blue penguin that breathed ice into a plastic bag to make a makeshift ice-pack; a little green and red lizard with a crest of leaves that I recognized as a Grovyle; and the little yellow and green Shroomish that I had seen earlier.

I was slightly disappointed with myself because I couldn't identify all the Pokémon.

I rushed forward to help, laying down the wounded and giving cursory checks to whoever I saw. Most were okay, suffering only minor injuries like cuts and bruises. A few had broken bones. One had lost his entire left hand. Then I realised someone I knew was missing. I looked down at the person I had just finished bandaging: he was petting the Shroomish, scratching it under its chin and rubbing the bumps on the top of its head. The Shroomish was trilling softly in delight.

"Where's Liam?" I asked him.

"Rear guard," he replied.

I left my first aid kit with him, and I ran to the back of the freighter, dodging crates and people. I heard the little pitter-patter of tiny feet follow me, and I smiled as I realised that the Shroomish was following me. As I approached, I could hear heavy gunfire.

When I reached the very large carriage, I saw two Trainers. They both had Penetrators and were firing out of the rear door.

"What's going on? Where's Liam?" I yelled over the gunfire.

One stopped shooting long enough to yell back.

"He's stuck in a ditch out there!" the Trainer yelled. "They're laying suppressing fire!"

I titled my head out of the carriage. There were five guards in separate windows inside the depot, all firing in the same direction. I followed the stream of fire and saw Liam hunkered down in one of the ditches I had seen earlier. The Shroomish tried to look out as well but I pushed it gently out of harms' way.

I looked at my pistol. Obviously the guards hadn't been firing at the freighter because these two Trainers weren't very good shots. I could see all the holes and scratches in the depot wall around the windows where the bullets had hit or deflected off. If I started killing them with my pistol, the last couple would easily have time to nail me. I turned to the Trainer who hadn't spoken.

"Give me your gun," I said.

The Trainer ignored me, continuing to fire out the window.

I sighed, and walked behind him. I reversed my pistol, holding it by the barrel, planning to knock the Trainer out. Before I could do so, however, the Shroomish trilled again and began shaking itself softly. Small green spores wafted out of its head-bumps, and they settled over the obstinate Trainer.

He sneezed, but continued to fire the rifle. However, his eyelids drooped, and he collapsed over the Penetrator, snoring. I turned to the Shroomish.

"Thanks," I said.

The Shroomish trilled happily.

I pushed the Trainer out of the way with my foot, scooping up the Penetrator as I did so. The other Trainer watched me but said nothing.

I leaned out of the carriage, holding the Penetrator. It was a beast of a weapon, easily the heaviest gun I've ever carried. It had an inbuilt scope that zoomed automatically depending on the distance of the target.

It was a sweet piece of hardware.

Shoving aside the gun-nerdage, I aimed through the scope at the closest guard. Luckily for me, all the windows were at the same height: I could probably kill them all with one slash of bullets.

The scope screen contained a count of bullets left in the clip. Fourty-six remained. That would be more than enough.

I found the circular rate-of-fire knob on the left side of the body of the rifle, and I dialled it down. The gun would now fire at a reduced rate: this meant less recoil and bullets wasted.

I lifted the Penetrator up and aimed through the scope, assuming my firing position. I aimed at the closest guard, and then moved the gun to the farthest guard, making sure I crossed the other three guards while doing so. I practised this swinging motion again, and again.

"Are you going to shoot it, at all?" the Trainer asked snippily.

I ignored him, and practised the motion one last time. Feeling confident, I aimed at the first guard, and then mentally reviewed my position. Satisfied, I pulled down on the trigger, and started to move the gun like I had practised.

The recoil of the gun was more forceful than anything I had used before. It wasn't unmanageable, though, and it was steady and rhythmic, like a jackhammer on its lowest setting. I saw the bullets shoot out from the Penetrator, hitting the first guard in the chest. The recoil forced me to move my eye away from the scope, but I continued moving the gun. By my naked eye, I saw a line of bullets connect all five windows. I hit all five guards in the chest like the first one, violently thrusting them out of sight.

"LIAM! RUN!" I yelled, throwing the gun behind me and backing away from the door.

Liam vaulted one-handed out of the ditch, sprinting towards the freighter. His right side was bleeding, and it looked like his right ear had been blown off, but he gripped a shotgun by the barrel in his right hand as he ran. When he was three metres from the freighter, he jumped. He seemed to fly through the air.

As he did so, a guard rose from another crater, aiming and firing a net gun. The net seemed to grow as it twisted towards Liam.

The Shroomish jumped in front of me, and launched three seeds straight at the net from the tiny hole at the tip of its head. The seeds flew faster than a bullet, and they collided with the net. When they did so, vines erupted violently from the seeds, wrapping around and through the net, destroying its trajectory. The net swerved to the right, missing Liam by mere centimetres. I quickly grabbed the Shroomish again, spinning into the carriage and out of Liam's path.

Liam's left foot landed on the rear railing, and he rolled into the carriage, shotgun clattering away. He rolled straight into a standing position, and immediately pulled out a walkie-talkie. I was impressed.

"Is Beta inboard?" Liam asked whoever was on the other side.

The walkie-talkie emitted one squawk.

"Let's move out, then," Liam replied. "There'll be police inbound."

The walkie-talkie squawked again, and then was silent.

Liam looked around, and then sat down and sighed.

"Uh, Liam?" I ventured.

He looked up at me, obviously too tired to be an ass-pain.

"I found out something," I said. "The guards on this freighter were Giravian soldiers."

Liam grunted. "That confirms it," he said. "There aren't usually that many guards. And no bus station has a freaking artillery unit on standby. Giravia knew we were coming."

I wanted to ask more, but the freighter started moving forward. It edged forward slowly.

A robotic voice crackled through an intercom somewhere.

"Initiating horizontal thruster," it said coolly. "Please ensure all cargo is stabilized and all personnel strapped in."

Liam snorted and stood up, as I sat down, bracing myself against the wall and holding the Shroomish firmly. He threw me a scornful glance.

Then the thruster initiated, and Liam was thrown backwards into the rear carriage wall.

I snorted back a laugh. Liam had made an indentation in the wall.

He pulled himself out of it, and struggled against the motion to the wall next to the sleeping Trainer.

"We'll need to haul ass when packing up the home base, so get some rest now," Liam said. "We probably have half an hour or so."

With that, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Chapter Seven

I was shaken awake by Liam some time later.

"We'll be at the campsite in a couple minutes," he said. "Do whatever you can to help out - we've gotta be in and out inside of ten minutes."

"Sure," I said, shaking my head. The Shroomish had gone, hopefully to meet up with its Trainer. I released Smash from his PokeBall.

"When we get back, help out however you can, but don't stray too far, okay?" I told him.

Smash yapped and walked over to the Grovyle, who immediately started flexing its muscles.

I smiled and shook my head. I tried to stand up and succeeded, which meant the freighter wasn't travelling as fast as it was when I fell asleep. I moved over to a window, and I could see rolling foothills. The city was just visible in the distance.

The formerly unconscious Trainer walked over and smacked me in the back of the head.

"You pull that s**t ever again, and I'll rip your freaking nuts off," he growled.

From across the carriage, Smash spat a small stream of water at the Trainer and then ducked behind some crates. The small stream hit the Trainer in the backside. When he turned to try and find who had wet him, I had to bite the inside of my mouth to stop from smiling. It looked like he had wet his pants.

He turned back to me. I put on my most innocent face. Grumbling, he walked to the front of the carriage.

A chime sounded over the intercom, and I recognized the voice. It was one of the blonde women from Alpha.

"Everyone, the freighter will be stopping in fifteen seconds at an improvised station. Please assist everyone you can so that we can leave as soon as possible."

"Any Pokémon running around will be wilds that we've rescued," the Trainer I hadn't put to sleep added helpfully. "Just try and get them on the freighter as quickly as possible."

"Sure," I said.

The freighter made a loud whining sound, and then it decelerated violently. The instant it stopped, both side walls of the carriage collapsed from the top, becoming huge ramps.

The second that happened, crowds of people and Pokémon rushed onto the freighter, some carrying boxes and suitcases.

Remembering what I was supposed to be doing, I discarded my blazercoat in a corner, and I moved over to a ramp and assisted an elderly lady with her suitcase as a small blue weasel-like Pokemon with a red feather on its' head carried a medkit onto the freighter.

The next five minutes were a tiring whirlwind of movement. I helped carry boxes onto the freighter. I helped push out the original crates that didn't contain anything worth keeping. I saved the blue weasel from being trampled by a small flock of sheep, remembering that it was a Sneasel as I did so. I saw George trying to keep some semblance of order, and Liam yelling into a walkie-talkie. Once, as I was stacking a tower of first aid kits, I saw Smash herding a small group of red and yellow chickens -Torchics- onto the freighter, using small jets of water to keep them moving in the right direction.

As I helped someone wrestle a Tauros onto the freighter, I heard George over a camp-wide intercom system.

"Everyone, police and Giravian troops are on their way. We need to leave inside three minutes," he said urgently.

Everyone began moving twice as fast. I continued to carry crates and organize them in the backmost carriage, until I heard Smash yap and headbutt the back of my foot.

"You want back in?" I asked him, not turning to look at him.

He yapped, and I returned him to his PokeBall. Breathing heavily from all the exertion, I grabbed a Penetrator and went to throw it onto a pile of crates. As I did so, I saw a flash of light from the corner of my eye. I whipped around, looking in the direction of the hills, but I couldn't see anything. Acting on impulse, I raised the Penetrator up, looking at the hills through the scope. The scope zoomed in as far as it could, and I still couldn't see anything.

Then, just as I was about to turn away, a cluster of troop transports appeared over the crest of a hill.

Chapter Eight

I drew a deep breath, and then I yelled "THEY'RE HERE!"

Everyone around me started yelling, and a klaxon began wailing somewhere. Some people began pushing other people onto the freighter, away from crates and belongings left lying on the ground.

The throng of people pushed their way into the freighter. Some fought against the crowd, to try and grab just one more thing, but they were held back by others.

I shouldered the Penetrator and ran to the back of the freighter, to the porch-like protrusion where I had originally entered the freighter and where I had saved Liam. No crates were here as they would be contaminated in the Razers.

The freighter began humming, and it started to lift into the air and float away. I looked around the camp - at all the empty buildings, forgotten crates and trampled belongings.

As the freighter picked up speed, I saw movement near one of the buildings. The little blue Sneasel I had encountered turned the corner, carrying a small green caterpillar that I recognised as a Caterpie.

I stared, dumbstruck. It would be left behind! The freighter was already moving faster than I could run!

"Get over here!" I yelled at the Sneasel.

Its ears pricked up, and it turned to look at me. Its jaw dropped as it saw the colossal bus pulling away.

"Hurry up!" I yelled frantically, which galvanized the Sneasel into action.

It sped towards the bus, moving faster than any living thing I'd seen before. It hoisted the Caterpie onto its' shoulder and began running even faster.

The freighter continued to accelerate. Even as the Sneasel got closer, the freighter began to pull away.

I tore at my hair. If the Sneasel was left behind, it would be captured and killed. But the train was moving too fast for me to jump off.

Four hoverboats descended from the sky, chasing the freighter. I saw blasts of energy and bolts of lightning being shot at the from the front of the train, but the boats dodged them all. They pulled closer, and I drew my pistol. There wasn't much I could do except hope for a lucky shot.

The Sneasel was close now, barely twenty metres from the back of the train.

"Throw me the Caterpie!" I yelled.

The Sneasel tensed its shoulders, and it hauled the Caterpie towards the train. I was further impressed by its physical abilities as the Caterpie flew through the air.

I caught the Caterpie just before it hit the ground. It was squealing in distress. I leaned back through the door and deposited the Caterpie inside the freighter. Still squealing, it began crawling towards a cluster of crates.

I leaned back out the door. The Sneasel was still keeping pace, but it wasn't gaining ground on the freighter any more.

"Hang on!" I yelled, aiming through the scope of my pistol. I emptied my clip at one of the hoverboats, but nothing happened.

Except for the boat deciding to return fire.

I reholstered my pistol and rolled to the side. A stream of bullets smashed through the metal where I was standing previously.

Panting, I realised that I still had the Penetrator. I unslung it, and aimed up at the hoverboats. They were still being shot at, both by conventional weapons and blasts of energy that I assumed were Pokemon attacks.

I aimed at a hoverboat that was smoking slightly, and I pulled the trigger.

The wave of bullets stormed away from the scope. For half a second, nothing happened, but then the stream of lead smashed through the boat's windscreen and the boat nosedived into the ground.

I tried shooting at another, but the rifle was empty.

I reversed it so I was holding the barrel, and then I extended it over towards the Sneasel.

"Grab on!" I called.

The Sneasel tried to run faster, but it couldn't. I leaned further, until I was in danger of falling off, but I was still a couple of metres off.

I leaned further.

Mistake.

I overbalanced.

Just as I was about to fall off, I felt something grasp my legs. I turned around and saw the Shroomish using a pair of vines to hold me.

I grinned at it, and turned back around to the Sneasel. I began inching towards it, rifle extended.

Closer, closer, closer...

The Sneasel grabbed it.

The one of the Hoverboats shot at me again. Luckily, it missed. Unluckily, it hit the Penetrator.

The mangled gun spun into the dirt, and I was pulled back onto the freighter by the Shroomish.

"Noooo!" I yelled, clutching at my clothes, trying to find something that I could save the Sneasel with. I could see it was running out of energy: obviously Sneasel were sprinters, not long distance runners.

In the process of patting down my trousers, I felt a small hard sphere in one of my lower pockets. I pulled it out.

It was a Great Ball, a red and blue sphere almost exactly the same as Smash's PokeBall.

I flashed back to the beginning of the Depot raid, when the dragon's PokeBall had magically flown back to the Trainer once its task was complete.

I looked at the Sneasel, who was slowly but surely being left behind. I was close enough to see its chest pumping, its shoulders shaking, and the fear in its eyes.

"Trust me! I'll release you!" I yelled, lobbing the Great Ball at the Sneasel.

The ball flew towards the Sneasel. It tapped the Sneasel on its right shoulder, sucking the Pokémon up in a flash of red light. The Ball then fell into the long grass.

I held out my hand, waiting, hoping, praying to see the Ball rise up from the grass and speed to my hand.

 

Claimed.

 

Ready go!

INTRO
What impression did I get when I started reading this?

Here are my impressions of how your story begins. I won't read the first or second chapters (or most of this third chapter) until after I write this section of the grade. You should always consider the possibility that someone will jump into your story midway.

Your first sentence gives us the setting. It's evocative; the protagonist seems to be on hard times if he's on a lousy bus. Good way to start. You've used the second sentence to emphasize both that the protagonist is having a hard time and that he's currently stuck with the ordinary people.

A comma isn't needed after "I swore." That clause is short enough that you can just go straight through "and" into the second clause without a comma.

Misuse of "nor:" in this case, you should use "or" unless you rewrite: "I wasn't attractive nor was I overly intelligent." Notice that there is now an extra verb.

Anyway, minutiae aside, after describing the setting, you describe the protagonist. He's apparently not the most powerful or influential person. That's an efficient way to get the plot rolling without dumping a whole "LAST TIME ON THE TALES OF JATHAN EINHERJAR" thing on us.

(NOTE: Default style is two words: "Poke Ball." You have no obligation to follow default style.)

After this come the Pokemon. You take the time to note what he's done recently and give a hint as to his personality and abilities: perseverance seems to figure into it.

You move on to talk about what the protagonist's doing. There's a mission, Pokemon are being reclassified or something, etc. etc. Jathan's on an evacuation mission.

Your overall flow: overall setting -> protagonist -> Pokemon -> driving force for the plot -> specific setting. It's like you're zooming in on what's about to happen. The world starts to come into focus in the seventh paragraph or so. I must say I'm grateful to you for this soft intro for those of us coming in midway.

Endnote: I've just read the other two parts. You came on a little too strongly in the beginning of JE2, dumping information left and right about who the narrator is and where he lives. It's good to see that JE3 is an improvement compared to that.

PLOT
Is it a good story?

At the end of Chapter Four: I'm predicting that the last guard Jathan wounded, marked "Friendly," is one of his classmates. It's got to be either Theresa or his old roommate. If you're not playing pronoun gender games, it's his roommate.

...and I was disappointed. I guess not everything can be a big plot twist.

Oh, anyway.

Your plot can be seen in two ways:

Standalone story: JE3 is a drawn-out action scene. Jathan goes on an operation, Jathan gets in a firefight, Jathan pulls a "Grab-My-Hand." It's nice and exciting.

In the context of the earlier sections: JE3 is the part of the overarching story where Jathan proves his loyalty to this strange new organization he's joined. Luke Skywalker blew up the Death Star, Cloud blew up a Mako Reactor in Midgard, and Jathan has just helped to steal a freighter. It works fairly well; he's now in with the Pokemon resistance for sure.

The story works on both levels. This means you did a good job. Now, as for the specifics...

You've written a train heist. I've never watched any of that kind of movie, but I imagine it's a fairly good-sized subgenre. I think you did a good job with the one here. It's all action action action, which is perfect for this kind of story.

We have some nice twists, too: some Giravians show up, there's artillery support, and you give us a Mad Max-style chase scene towards the end.

However ... actually, I don't have a "however." Plot-wise it's good.

DIALOGUE
Do we understand what they're saying?

No big deal here. First-person dialogue and a bunch of people who talk like soldiers. It's what's expected, it's what's there.

I think it's interesting how the Pokemon don't really say their names in this chapter. You use regular sound effects and onomatopoeia instead. Trying to move away from the children's cartoon-type style?

CHARACTERIZATION
Are your characters original, well-defined, and compelling?

Jathan continues to develop. He used to be a more fantastic version of a high-school student, i.e. he's a crack shot even though he has to take geography and stuff. Here, though, he starts to transition into the normal action-hero mold. He shoots guns, rescues people, and becomes good partners with his Pokemon.

I like how you made sure he didn't do too much. Sure, he manages to take advantage of his marksmanship skills at several points (saving an Alpha team member, rescuing Liam, covering the Sneasel) but he doesn't come off as a super-soldier. It's more a product of his having split off from the rest of the group and being able to cover them at times. You make him a competent fighter. At times he chides the rest of his team because he's working off his military-school education. There's a tension between making him the new guy who nobody listens to and making him a full-on Gary Stu. (cf. Mary Sue) You don't go too far into the Gary Stu end, which is commendable. Do be careful to keep him from being too disliked by the other characters. Liam respects his marksmanship now, but the others still think of him as the fat new kid. Don't make them unrealistically resentful of him, or you risk making him seem too much of a martyr.

Be careful about the shooting parts, though. I think Jathan killed someone in this chapter. He's been trained to be a soldier, but this has to be his first kill. For best character development, remember to have him react in some way to this. Is he sad? Is he encouraged? Is he torn? Is he practical, trying to save these feelings and thoughts for when he's safe? Does he just feel numb? All of these are plausible, but remember that you must make one of them happen. You don't have to make it drive the plot, but killing someone would obviously be a defining experience of one's life.

Bit characters: Most of the other characters have very simple purposes, and are thus one-dimensional. No problem. Actually, it's probably for the best. Jathan is still developing, so you shouldn't do much other character development unless you want that character to be another main character or to be the main antagonist or something. At this point, there isn't even room for an antagonist; it's a battle of organizations. I wonder if Jathan might be forced to go against his friends in the Academy, but that's for later chapters.

Your characters, in general, are of the heroic resistance type. You show their darker side, especially in how they don't take Jathan seriously unless they see his shooting skills, but they're pretty clearly defined as The Good Guys. Jathan with his close personal connection to the future Bad Guys is going to make the future plot quite interesting. Will there be a Valkyrie to his Einherjar?

GRAMMAR
Does you talk pretty?

"Forty" is never spelled "fourty" in any dialect of English, whether or not it's my American, your Australian, or in England itself.

I have issues with your usage of commas around the word "and." I have here a brand-spanking-new copy of the Elements of Style...
Element I-4 says that commas are needed before conjunctions introducing independent clauses.
Conjunctions are words like "and" and "but."
Independent clauses are parts of sentences that can stand alone as sentences themselves.
There is an exception: no comma is needed after "and" if the sentence before and after "and " are closely related.
Watch this for next time.
It is also said that using "and" is rather loose and vague. Try to vary up your sentence structure. Use other conjunctions or semicolons or something.
Example: "Beta will cover Alpha from the outside of the train, and keep security entertained."
No comma is needed before "and." The words after "and" do not form an independent clause.

In Chapter Four:

"Less" is used for uncountable nouns: love, beauty, blueness. You can't say "one love, two loves, three loves" unless you use, like, the "person" meaning of "love."
"Fewer" is used for countable nouns: fish, philosophies, Pocket Monsters. You can certainly say "one fish, two fish." ...red fish, blue fish.
"Complications" is a countable noun; therefore, you must use "fewer" instead of "less."

Also, you began a sentence with "and." "And with that, he rested his shotgun on his shoulder and he walked confidently towards the front of the carriage."
You know that you shouldn't begin sentences with words like "and." It's okay to do it in dialogue, but first-person narration is kind of a grey area.
In any case, you should trim the sentence. Since the first clause has a subject of "he(Jathan)" and the second clause does as well, you don't need the second "he."

Midway through Chapter Five, you have a bit of a word overuse problem. The word "retorted."

Three uses in three sentences. Watch for this.

Here we have a reminder to mark sentences of dialogue with the speaker. Sam is saying this line, which means that he should have said "Luke" instead of "Sam." If you'd had a "...said Sam" or something on one end of the dialogue, it would have worked. It's not necessary for every line, but it helps you keep things straight.

DETAIL
Can we see what you're saying?

Continuity issue! You begin JE3 in a bus. A bus bus. However, "bus" has previously only been used to mean shielded flying intercity transports made of concrete. There has to be some kind of explanation for why the same word is now used for two extremely different things. It won't do to just refer to the previous bus as a "train" or "freighter..."

Terminology: a clip is a literal clip used to hold bullets. Clips used to help load multiple rounds at a time into a magazine, which is the hollow container which is actually inserted into guns. When you say "clip," you really mean "magazine."

I have never heard of artillery rounds being described as "white orbs" before. This is obviously science-fiction technology. You should have explained what kind of artillery it is, then. Does it even use chemical explosives or is it some kind of plasma/laser/whatever?

Jathan was in a car accident; the bus he was riding ended up on its side. This should be better-described. Is he buckled in? If not, he's going to go bouncing off everything else in the bus.

You seem to have difficulty keeping track of what Jathan sees and how the bus was originally designed. We can see that door -> sunroof and sunroof -> window, but you can't just change nouns willy-nilly. Makes sure we know which nouns are the original ones and which ones are the new ones Jathan uses after the bus has been tipped over.

Nice use of Grass abilities! But I don't think that "destroy" can be applied to "trajectory." "Ruining" might be better.

This was slightly ambiguous. I wasn't sure at first whether you meant that he was firing the shotgun and producing the clattering noise, but shotguns don't clatter. What you meant was that he let go of the shotgun and it bounced across the floor or something. (That's bad trigger discipline, but it's an emergency.) This should be made slightly more clear.

PLAUSIBILITY
Does it make sense?

Your description of firearms combat may or may not be realistic. I know the difference between clips and magazines, but I know nothing about the efficacy of silencers or the physical effects of a headshot. It's up to you how accurate you want to be.

Biofoam...
It's always simpler to design something that doesn't need to travel through the bloodstream than it is to design something that does. I think present technologies along these lines require direct insertion at the injury. The foam will then act right there to seal the wound instead of going into the blood and messing things up. Also, if air got into the wound during injection, it would cause the biofoam to set as it entered the bloodstream. That would cause excruciating pain and possibly death.

The Grab-My-Hand! scene:
The Sneasel abruptly goes from twenty meters away from the back of the bus to close enough that Jathan can extend a rifle to it. This needs to be addressed.

Why would the Shroomish follow Jathan to the back? It's not his Pokemon. (I thought it was Sam's, but it's not entirely clear.) Just because Shroomish is on your capture list doesn't mean you have to shoehorn it in. At least say that the Shroomish had decided to help Jathan out of gratitude for him bandaging Sam or something.

LENGTH
Is it long enough?

Double capture.
Sneasel (HARD 20,000-30,000)
Shroomish (MEDIUM 10,000-20,000)
Total 30,000-50,000
You: 44,688
You're good.

OVERALL
What did I think, personally?

It's an action story with lots of action. It's good.

FINAL
To catch, or not to catch?

Spoiler

Capture successful x2! Some minor issues here and there, but your JE series is becoming quite solid overall.