Entry #619: Mienfoo, the Martial Arts Pokemon

A brown leather journal sits on a shelf among others like it, though the colors vary from journal to journal. This particular journal has a number symbol followed by the number six hundred and nineteen written on it in a black permanent marker; the number is followed by a bit of a space and then Mienfoo written in capital letters.

A woman with red hair that takes on the colors of fire - red, orange, and yellow - in an ombre took Mienfoo's journal off the shelf; her long hair started off as a deep red that faded into orange and then into yellow as it trailed down her back and terminated at the lower part of it, just before her buttocks. The journal to Mienfoo's right, which had the same brown leather binding the pages together, fell over to the side slightly to cover up the gap that had been left behind by Mienfoo's journal being pulled off of the shelf. The woman placed the journal on a desk, and the front cover was visible now. In the bottom right corner of the journal, in black capital letters, was the name Professor Robin Flame.

An odd name for an odd woman, the firey haired woman took a seat at the desk. Her name was indeed Robin Flame, and she was very much so an odd woman. She was a researcher studying the habits of Pokemon in the wild. Over the years she'd been a professor, she had collected several journals on many of the Pokemon that existed in the vast world of Pokemon. There were still gaps in her collection, of course, but she had journals dedicated to all seven hundred and twenty one Pokemon that had been discovered in the world. Not all of them contained information, some of them just had the Pokemon's National Pokedex number and their name written on the spine with Robin's name on the bottom right corner of the cover. With seven hundred and twenty one Pokemon across the regions, there was a lot to discover, a lot to learn. It would take years to research all of them and put her notes into more intelligible writings. One day, she hoped to have these writings become a more advanced Pokedex, or at the very least published into a series of books.

This particular journal would no longer be blank though. Not for much longer. Robin picked up a brown ink pen from a glass cup on her desk. The journal for the six hundred and ninteenth Pokemon in the National Pokedex would be full of information in regards to Mienfoo's physical description, behavior, and communication as well as some general information about the Pokemon in just a few short hours.

General Information
Mienfoo is known as the Martial Arts Pokemon. It is considered to be a pure Fighting type Pokemon. Mienfoo evolves into Mienshao. It is number six hundred and nineteen in the National Pokedex, two hundred and nineteen in the Unova Pokedex, and three in the coastal Kalos Pokedex. This Pokemon was originally discovered in the Unova region, but it can also be found in the Kalos region. Mienfoo can have one of these three abilities: Inner Focus, Regenerator, or Reckless. The final ability in that list, Reckless, is its Hidden Ability. There is a fifty-fifty chance of a male or female Mienfoo hatching from an egg. Mienfoo is in the Field and Human-like egg groups for breeding purposes. They are weak against Flying, Psychic, and Fairy typed moves; they are strong against Dark, Ice, Normal, Rock, and Steel type Pokemon.

I spent my first days researching general information about Mienfoo. Basic, common facts that count be found in any Pokedex, National or regional. I had to start somewhere with my research on these seven hundred and twenty one Pokemon, and I figured that general information would be my best bet. Of course, I claim credit for nothing in this section because I wouldn't want to be remembered for plagiarizing someone else's hard work. No one would.

Robin Flame, the professor that plagiarized another professor's work.

That doesn't really have a nice ring to it.

Robin Flame, the professor who created an extensive Pokedex with a plethora of information.

Now that there? That has a nice ring to it. Definitely. I would love to be remembered for that. Hopefully one day I can attain my goal.

Still though, even though I'm pulling information from what previous professors have written, I feel as if I should verify their information with my own eyes. It's not that I don't believe what the other professors have written and set in stone, it's just that I'd like to create my own little adventure out of this as well. I would have to go out and find a Mienfoo habitat anyways, so it would be better to do it at the beginning than halfway through my research.

My research on the locations of Mienfoo led me to Route 14 in the Unova region. Their habitats were rare, and given the thick mist in the air on this cool winter day, it would be a bit of a challenge to find one. It was early in the morning when I arrived to Route 14 in Unova, and I figured the mist would diminish as the afternoon approached.

Draco, my Flygon, dropped me off near a waterfall, the sun's rays glistening off of the water's surface as it pooled into a pond. There were no fish in this pond, likely because they knew what the waterfall would bring them to if they took the risk of venturing too close to it. Still, I took care to not walk too close to the edge of the pond. Wet clothes in the middle of winter was something I didn't really fancy.

It was late morning when I was finally able to see a Mienfoo habitat. The mist had been entirely too thick before the late morning to see much of anything. I approached cautiously, holding the Unova Pokedex in my hand. I kept a regional Pokedex from each of the regions just for this purpose.

Beep.

A green light flashed on the Pokedex, a bright, girly pink that I absolutely loathed. Still, the regional professor for Unova, Aurea Juniper was her name, stubbornly insisted that I take the pink one. I protested, but I was eventually forced to give in because a young male trainer was coming in to recieve a starter from the professor. Nevertheless, I was quick to cover up the bright green light. Though I was hidden among bushes of darker green leaves, there was no telling if the Mienfoo would see the brighter green light contrast against the darker green.

I had intentions to battle a Mienfoo in the wild to see its abilities in action, but I only wanted to battle one, not a horde.

Beep.

The device beeped again as I flipped it open as quietly as I possibly could. I lowered the volume as I opened it, frantically pressing one of the buttons on the side to lower it to a point where I could hear it but not the Mienfoo.

"Mienfoo, the Martial Arts Pokemon. Mienfoo's sharp claws strike quickly and precisely. It also overwhelms opponents with its skillful combination attacks. In fights, they dominate with onslaughts of flowing, continuous attacks. With their sharp claws, they cut enemies. They have mastered elegant combos. As they concentrate, their battle moves become swifter and more precise. It takes pride in the speed at which it can use moves. What it loses in power, it makes up for in quantity."

I made a mental note to clean up the dex's description of a Mienfoo when I got into more serious stages of designing my Pokedex. This just sounded so messy, like several different Pokedex entries for the Mienfoo had been mashed together for the entry.

It didn't matter now though, I could write one in my journal later. It would all work out fine, and I told myself this as I closed the Pokedex and put it back in my satchel. I pulled out my National Pokedex, which was beeping quietly and had a blinking green light. It gave me the same information that the regional Pokedex for Unova gave me, but there was more added in.

"...Mienfoo's battle moves become quicker and more precise with increased concentration."

Just that one line, but it was something more than what the Unova Pokedex had given me. I put the National Pokedex back in my satchel and brought my attention to the Mienfoo. Only one was out now, compared to the horde that had been out earlier. Still, this was prime time for me to see what ability this Mienfoo had.

No sooner than I'd stepped out of the bushes I was hiding behind, a red and white capsule in my hand, the Mienfoo's attention was on me. I didn't hesitate to toss the ball in the air and watch as the white energy that was released from the ball formed into a blue and white furred cat with wide, blue-green eyes.

"Fake Out, Mittens!" I called. The cat reacted instantly and rushed towards the Mienfoo, who held his ground, even as Mittens the Meowstic swiped a white paw in front of the Mienfoo's face, without actually coming into contact with the opponent.

Mienfoo flinched, but he was able to recover quickly. He leaped up high in the air after Mittens landed gracefully on his paws near me. I scanned the air for the mustelid, but I saw no sign of it among the mist. No wonder why this group of Mienfoo picked this area as its habitat; the mist gave them a one up against Pokemon that weren't used to battling in this environment.

"Meooooooooooooooow!" the cat cried as the Mienfoo crashed into him, a magenta foot slamming into his chest at a high speed. I yelped and stumbled back as they crashed into the ground, sending up a cloud of brown dust that didn't help the low visibility at all.

"Mittens, are you alright? Get him off you with Psychic if you can!" I called out. The cloud of brown dust had yet to clear; there was minimal wind on Route 14 in Unova. Thankfully for Mittens, he was a Psychic type, and he didn't need to get up close and personal with his opponent to launch attacks.

"Nyaaaaaaa," I heard Mittens call from the dirt cloud. It was a weak cry, but it was a cry nevertheless. "Reckless," I murmured to myself as I waited for Mittens to launch an attack, if any at all.

"Foooooooooo!" the Mienfoo cried as it was launched out of the brown cloud of dirt and into the ground. He rolled and sent dirt up into the air, creating a bit of a dirt cloud that trailed along from the larger one that was slowly starting to thin out.

"Stiiiiii," my Mittens cried. I shook my head as the Mienfoo brought himself back to his feet, shaking his head.

"Come on back, Mittens. I saw what I needed to see," I said. "Thank you for your help."

I held the Poke Ball out and watched as my injured Meowstic was absorbed back into the capsule in a red light. The Mienfoo bounced on the balls of his feet, as if he was waiting for me to send out another one of my Pokemon.

"I surrender," I said, holding my hands up in the air and backing away. "Thank you for your help today."

When I was far enough away from the Mienfoo, I released Draco the Flygon from his Poke Ball and soared the skies back to my home to record what I learned. I needed nothing more from the Mienfoo. I already had a chart taped to a wall in my house for the strengths and weaknesses of all eighteen types of Pokemon that existed in the Pokemon world, so I didn't need to waste time verifying those when I already knew of them from prior research. Inner Focus and Regenerator were abilities I had seen in action with Mienfoo before. Reckless was a new one though, and an interesting one at that; it certainly did a number on Mittens.

Mittens deserved a good treat for that battle.

Potential Revised Dex Entry for Mienfoo
Mienfoo, the Martial Arts Pokemon. In fights, Mienfoo will dominate with onslaughts of flowing, continuous attacks, forming elegant combos with their sharp claws that can cut their enemies. Their moves become quicker and more precise as they concentrate. What they lack in power is made up with quantity.

Physical Description
Mienfoo stands at two feet, eleven inches, or nine tenths of a meter. It weighs forty four and one tenth pounds, or twenty kilograms. They have a human-like appearance, and their claws are sharp. Their fur is dense, silky, and short in the winter months, and it is rougher and even shorter in the summer months. Their fur typically takes on a cream and slighly darker than average magenta, though there is the rare Mienfoo that has pure white and purple fur.

My second day of researching led me back to the same spot I was at on the first day. Draco dropped me off at the same place, and I retraced my steps back to the Mienfoo habitat I'd found the previous day. The mist wasn't nearly as thick today as it was yesterday, and that was something I was very grateful for. Today's research would actually involve seeing the Mienfoo, not just battling it to see what ability it had and listening to its Pokedex entry. (As a side note, I did scribble down a rudimentary, revised Pokedex description. It could probably still use some tweaking, but it's a lot better than the scatterbrained mess I heard yesterday.)

A black camera hung from a black strap around my neck. I would be snapping pictures of the Mienfoo today. Some of the pictures would go into Mienfoo's journal for possible use in the Pokedex, but I would sell some of them too. Mienfoo pictures didn't tend to go for much since they weren't horribly rare, but they went for a decent price. While I did hold a part time job at a cafe in Lumiose City in the Kalos region, the extra money from selling pictures to the Lumiose Press and others that purchased pictures of Pokemon was nice.

I snuck up on the Mienfoo habitat again today, taking a different position than I had yesterday. The Mienfoo I had battled yesterday with Mittens by my side was glancing over at the bush I had emerged from constantly. His wounds were still there, but they had been mended a bit by his fellow Mienfoo.

Click. Click. Click.

Three pictures of the Mienfoo that had gathered in the center of their habitat. I glanced down at the small screen on my camera to see the pictures I had taken. Beautiful portraits of the mustelids were on the screen, and I was excited to upload them to my computer to see them in an even better quality. The Mienfoo looked unfazed by the clicks of my camera, and I was grateful for that. The Mienfoo I had battled yesterday would probably give me even more trouble today since I had attacked it and surrendered so quickly.

"Foo, foo! Mienfoo!"

I watched as the odd Mienfoo came rushing towards her friends from the direction of the waterfall my Flygon had dropped me off at. I wonder if she'd been there when I arrived; I certainly don't remember seeing her there. Her white and purple fur was soaking wet, but it sparkled when the sun's rays hit it.

Click. Click. Click.

Three more pictures snapped. One as she ran up to her fellow Mienfoo, another just as she got to them, and a third after her cream and magenta furred companions walked off with disgust written all over their furry faces. The oddly colored Mienfoo sat on the ground, curling up in a ball and burying her face in her furry legs.

"They abandoned her," I breathed from my hiding place. "That's so cruel."

I would make her mine. She was a rare Pokemon, a shiny from what I've heard oddly colored Pokemon like her be called, and her fellow Mienfoo abandoned her. I stepped out from behind the rocks I'd been hiding behind and approached her slowly, my hand wrapped around a Poke Ball in case she lashed out at me.

"Hi there, Mienfoo," I said quietly as I approached her. She looked up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes that reflected the sadness she felt. "I can give you a home. Would you like that?"

No sooner had I proposed the question, the shiny Mienfoo leaped up and wrapped her wet, furry arms around one of my legs, clinging to it. "Fooooo," she whined. "Foooooo."

"I'll take that as a yes," I said, taking an empty ball out of my bag. This particular one was white on the bottom half but pink on the top, with a heart painted on in a lighter shade of pink. I dropped it on the Mienfoo's head, which was nuzzling my leg, and she was absorbed in the red light that took her into the ball. I crouched down as I watched the ball shake once, twice, and a third time before clicking shut.

"Welcome home, Liana," I told the ball after picking it up and attaching it to my belt. I released Draco from his ball afterwards and mounted him. "Let's go, Draco. I'm done here."

Shiny Mienfoo, identified by their white and purple fur, are shunned from their communities. A different word should be used instead of shiny though. I've noticed Liana doesn't sparkle as much, if at all, when her fur is dry. Liana is the first "shiny" Pokemon I've ever seen through my years of research, so these Pokemon are extremely rare in Pokemon communities.

Behavior
Mienfoo typically reproduce in the spring and summer months, though they are capable of reproducing year round. It is most common to see Mienfoo eggs in the spring and summer months, however. Their eggs hatch after approximately six thousand, six hundred and thirty hours, or approximately one hundred and ten days. The size of their territory varies based on the season, and it's based upon how much food is in the area and how many mates are in the group. The territory is primarily marked by any one of the following: urine, feces, anal drags, and body rubs. Their burrows are made from their deceased prey. The males and females live in separate burrows, but they're not too far away from each other. Mouse-like Pokemon, such as Rattata, Raticate, Pichu, Pikachu, Raichu, Plusle, and Minun, are the primary sources of food for a Mienfoo, but small bird, fish, shrew, amphibian, lizard, and/or insect Pokemon are also sources of food; if a Mienfoo is really desperate for food, a rabbit Pokemon, such as Bunnelby or Diggersby, will suffice. Their smaller prey will be dispatched by a bite to the back of their neck, but their larger prey will die from the shock of being attacked and losing blood. Mienfoo are predators.

I watched the Mienfoo habitat I found Liana at for a good two weeks before those that lived there cleared out and moved on. After they were gone, I stepped forward with Liana by my side. I gave her a simple command. "Find any stashes of food they have left and bring them out to me."

She obeyed, but not before looking up at me with curious eyes. It took her a moment to walk away, and as she did, she kept looking back at me. Though I'd reassured her countless times, Liana still held this fear that I would abandon her like her fellow Mienfoo had. The fear would go away soon, or so I hoped.

The pile of deceased Pokemon that had been gathered by Liana mainly consisted of small Pokemon, Pichu and Rattata specifically. There were a few larger ones like Raichu and Diggersby, but the Pichu and Rattata made up the majority of this group's diet. A good number of Magikarp were in the pile as well, likely from the area around the waterfall that Draco had been dropping me off at over the course of the past week. I nodded to Liana, and she stopped, standing by my side.

"Fish and mice, that's what you guys would eat, yeah?" I asked. Liana nodded.

When we returned home, I prepared Liana a special meal of Pokemon food, but with mouse and fish flavorings added in from the late Pokemon that those in her habitat had killed before leaving them behind for a new home. I had learned to make Pokemon food from the remains of Pokemon that had been killed. It sounded horrible, but it was better than letting them rot. Liana didn't seem to notice the difference, and none of my other Pokemon had either. They'd all grown used to the taste of generic Pokemon food I'd buy at the store, and Liana would too, but given how timid and shaken up she was now, I didn't want to change too much of her former life just yet.

Bite marks were found on the neck of the Rattata and Pichu I retrieved with Liana today. The Diggersby and Raichu we brought back had several wounds, and it looked as if they'd died from shock. I traveled back to their habitat, and the burrows were indeed there. The holes were large enough for the Mienfoo to crawl through, so they were likely made by a larger Pokemon, though I'm not one hundred percent sure what. There was a distinct smell of urine near the burrow entrances, and the smell of feces lingered around some of the others.

Suffice it to say, I could not eat for some time after I visited the burrows.

Communication
Mienfoo tend to be silent Pokemon. Baby Mienfoo will make a fine chirping noise, however. Adult Mienfoo will trill before they mate with others. Adults will also indicate submission by trilling quietly, whining, and/or squealing. When a Mienfoo is nervous, it will hiss, sometimes for extended periods of time, and intersperse their hisses with barks and shrieks. Their aggressive behavior is demonstrated through non-contact approaches, forward thrusts, nest occupation, and stealing another Pokemon's food that they have gathered, also known as kleptoparasitism. A submissive Mienfoo will avoid a higher ranking Pokemon and either flee from it or make whining and/or squealing noises.

I had studied Liana's behavior over the weeks I worked on this journal, and her behavior definitely changed from the timid Mienfoo I captured.

From the moment I first offered her a home, she was clingy and whiny. Any time I released her out of her Love Ball, a special kind of Poke Ball made exclusively in the Johto region out of a pink apricorn, she would cling to my legs and whine. I would have to coax her into doing things, like standing on a scale so that I could see how much she weighed or standing up straight to measure her height with a tape measure. I would have to bribe her into doing them by promising sweet berries.

Her clinginess faded over time as she realized I wouldn't be abandoning her like the other Mienfoo had. It took a good two months for Liana to not be clingy anymore and to be more independent, to play with Draco and Mittens and my other Pokemon. She would still glance over at me on occasion, but my other Pokemon helped make her feel welcome and the clinginess faded.

Liana still whined, of course. The emotional scars the other Mienfoo left on her would likely never fade away, and as a result, she was more of a follower than a leader.

None of that mattered though. Liana had grown in the two months I'd had her, and I was proud of her. No longer was she the shy little Mienfoo that I had encountered in the Mienfoo habitat. She was a braver, more lively soul now, and I was eternally grateful for the help of my Pokemon for that. I had a feeling Liana would have her time to shine, that she would be a wonderful mother, or at least a very nurturing Pokemon if she never bred.

Never again would Liana see, or even allow, another Pokemon to suffer the same way she had.

Submissive Pokemon will remain submissive for the rest of their lives. Though their behaviors will change, much like Liana's had, they will always remain submissive. I believe Liana will do well in a Pokemon Center, or at the very least taking care of other Pokemon. Battle situations would not be good for submissive Pokemon. They do not do well in any conflict situation, instead cowering and taking the abuse until they pass out from the pain. There is a rare situation where they will fight back, but it is rather rare, and if the submissive Mienfoo can avoid conflict, it will.

Pokemon: Mienfoo {Hard, 20-30k}
Character Count: 23524
Author's Note: Lol holy shit, I thought my computer was going to die as I was finishing this up because it froze up and ahhhhhhh. I need to replace my battery apparently, but I'm entirely too cheap to do it, and I want to put it off until my transfer application is paid for, but holy crap the freezing scared meeeeee. Anyways, the italicized text at the very beginning is a narrator speaking, and every instance of it after that is Robin's memories of the event, for lack of a better term. The colored brown text is Robin's writings in her journal about the Pokemon. Never let a generator decide on a name for your character because then you get a name like Robin Flame and lol. I based this off of the animal Mienfoo is based off of, which is a type of weasel called the stoat, and also used some canonical information from Bulbapedia as well. The idea came to me from talking to a couple regulars from the Bulbagarden IRC channel, so props to them for helping me come up with the idea. Hopefully this all works out because it's a different style than what I'm used to, haha. Also posting on BMGf since the story back log is there.

 

claim <3

 

Introduction:

So we open with this pretty hip professor who's about to do some ~fiery~ fieldwork. Cool! You gave us the important aspects of the introduction, such as the foundation, the characters, and the context for us to settle down into your story. Now I would just recommend giving us just that little bit of fuel to keep on reading the story. What's so intriguing about Dr. Robin Flame that separates her from other professors? What's so shaaaamazing about this Mienfoo that we should care (especially given her note that this Pokemon has already been researched)? By adding on this interesting hook for us to latch onto, we are much more invested in Robin's mission as she moves forward. Also, you create the circumstances for a much more interesting plot that takes off from that additional spark. But in total the introduction here was quite fine.

Plot:

I appreciate that you tried to tell this story in a unique way! Going to tackle a few flaws first; in all honesty, I was a little thrown off by the first block of general information text, mainly because that's all straight, dry text from existing PokeDex information. IT's slightly problematic when the author is directly copying and pasting a lot of this information from stuff that's in the real world. Additionally, this textbook-like information tends to bore readers very quickly. But on the other hand, these journal entires do add to that authentic feeling I think you were shooting for, especially when you are using scientific terms such as "mustalids".

If you plan on using this technique of storytelling in the future, I would just recommend that you make sure all of these journal entries are in your wording or have come from your imagination. For example, I really like the Behavior section because that was all of your creativity and not something that I had even thought about in terms of Mienfoo. That truly was a discovery I would hope to learn about and new information that Robin herself discovered. Showing the readers something new from your imagination is what storytelling is all about! So yeah, striking that balance between the dry and intriguing information, the pre-existing and the created information can be very tough in this style. Pay attention to the information you are including, attempt to gauge how much your audience already knows, and ask yourself if you would avidly care about the information if you happened upon it in a textbook. Take your intuitive responses and write based upon those.

The fuel I mentioned in the introduction was also slightly lacking in the story too. There's no apparent reason for us to care about Robin's achievement or failure in finding the horde of Mienfoo, no emotional connection. We must keep the reader hooked; the plot must progress onwards. In this story, I think it would have been helpful to always ask yourself why after making an event happen. Why was Mienfoo abandoned, and if it's because of her shiny color, then why is her shiny color pink with a heart? Delving into these type of details makes for a much deeper story than what we had here.

But on the bright side, I loved how the story overall progressed from this textbook-style story to an account of love and restoration for an abused Pokemon. The growth of the Mienfoo was so sweet, and her survival great. I thought this could have been accentuated had the story made somewhat of a circle and Liana met up with the Mienfoo that had abandoned her. Then we could have answered a few of those why questions and it would have felt a little more complete. In general, showing just how far the Pokemon has come or how much adversity she has faced can greatly benefit the emotional impact the story has on the reader. We like to feeeeel! n~n And I did get a few feels at the end, so good job here!

Description:

Good location description! The waterfall, the mist, the pond, the bush were all described quite well, and I appreciated the sensory descriptions of winter here. You had a good attention to little details, such as describing that Mittens would receive a treat or that Robin does photography on the side. Those additional details add another depth of personality to our characters, which is so nice! In terms of character description, I would just suggest trying to add more subtle description that creates an even more 3-D portrayal of your character. for example, what does Robin look like as she's crouching in the bush? Is she graceful, or super loud (louder than her Dex?) What's her body type like? These are description pieces that are fun to experiment with.

The different color text was cool, and again, bonus points for experimenting with nontraditional formatting! I only urge you to ascertain that you're using it when you mean to. The section that starts with "Bite marks were found..." seems like it's part of her memories and not something she'd record in the journal, just based off the way she didn't record the other events in the journal. This could have been intentional or not, but once it becomes questionable it can get a little edgy. Consistency is key! Yeah!

Grammar:

A couple of weird hyphen things:

Spelling out large numbers can be a bit tricky. We have to put a hyphen for any numbers between 21-99. So, the first number in the quotation is correct, but the second would be typed out as *seven hundred and twenty-one Pokemon. Tiny difference, but thought to mention it.

I believe that these are called compound adjectives, and they function as a single modifier. You know they are compound adjectives when you a) cannot put a comma between the words (ex: firey, haired, woman) or b) you cannot take away one of the words and have either of the adjectives stand alone (the haired woman). So, these all need hyphens in between them to become cream-and-magenta, firey-haired, and Psychic-Type. Awesome job capitalizing Psychic-Type n~n

So... verbose sentences. Very bad because they don't provide any new content to the story and they come off as filler, albeit unintentionally. This sentence's content: Robin sat down at her desk. See? That comes off as a lot smoother / to the point. Catching these sentences can be tough. I would suggest avoiding words such as "very," "much," "really," "so," etc. in the story, as these are more subjective than we realize, and they're not as specific as other words that could fit better. Other than that, only some fine-toothed proofreading can catch sentences like this.

Length:

So we're a little on the lower side here. I thought some length could have been added by answering more of those questions such as why that Mienfoo is colored so strangely, or by adding additional hooks or catches to the story to make it more interesting. Internally, I thought the story progressed a little slowly exactly because we were missing those reasons to keep on reading and driving forward. Add MCR but subtract how long it takes for the reader to read the story in our minds because it is so interesting/immersing/involving ; that is one important challenge you may want to take on for practice in future stories. Regardless, you did hit the mark for a Hard-mon, and that is what you needed!

Outcome:

This was a very borderline decision for me. On one hand, you took some creative risks by taking on a new story style. The description was great, the overall moral of the story sweet. On the other hand, some of those risks damaged the story, and the whole plot sort of lacked the engine to drive forward. I'm going to say... Mienfoo Captured. This was a good attempt at a new style and overall, a fine story. Work on improving those hooks, making sure your story always has a reason for events to be happening, and on answering any leftover questions.

Happy New Year!! and enjoy your new Pokemon