Drenched Bluff (Boss battle:Grovyle and Piplup Vs Tapu Finni!)

After hearing from Faba that Lusamine wanted Connor to do more research on water types,Connor decided the best place to do that was the drenched bluff.Connor had already explored beach cave.He also was beginning to map the new island.Connor decided he was going to leave Braixen behind for rest.However he was going to bring grovyle and the mysterious piplup he found in beach cave before.Connor called faba to send the location he would be going to.After marking it on his techpad,Connor set out.

After a few miles,Connor reached the place Faba was talking about.He then proceeded to call out Grovyle.Both of them entered the wet damp bluff.Right away they were attacked by a shellos.Shellos used water gun,But grovyle powered right through with leaf blade.The other Pokémon in the area seemed to take notice of Grovyles power.No Pokémon even thought about coming within 5 feet,as the knew they would be on the end of a leaf blade.

Connor noticed something funny about the aera.There usually was rain in drenched bluffed.For some reason it seemed like a Pokémon had setup misty terrain.The Pokémon seemed a lot stronger now.Grovyle wasn't beating the water types like before.He had to use two leaf blades instead of one.Connor was nervous, but he had to find out what was at the end of the dungeon.

At last Connor and Grovyle reached the end of the dungeon.There was something sparkling on a pedestal.After closer observation,Connor realized it was a wateruim Z crystal.He decided to take it off the pedalstal.But that was a mistake.

Out of no where the dungeon became shrouded in misty terrain.Connor called out piplup to use defog to clear it up.There seemed to be a Pokémon in the middle of the fog.The Pokémon seemed mad at Connor that it took the Z-Crystal.Connor examined this mysterious Pokémon,and forguired out it was the guardian deity Tapu fini.

Connor thought that if he could catch Tapu Fini,he would get a promotion.He ordered a leaf blade from Grovyle and Hydro pump from piplup.Tapu Fini fought back by using muddy water.If Grovyle could get in behind they would have a chance to Win.Connor Commanded Dig from Grovyle and ice beam from piplup.Tapu Fini Blocked Ice beam with hydro pump,witch broke through ice beam and knocked piplup out.Tapu Fini fired a hydro pump at Connor.Fornutely he wasn't hurt,But all of his tech was broken.Grovyle used dig on Tapu finni and then used Leaf blade.Tapu Finni was Down to low Health.Just as Connor Was reaching for a net ball,Tapu Finni used misty terrain.By the time piplup could use defog Tapu Finni was gone.

Connor was trying to figure out what happened.He was disappointed that Tapu Finni
Wasn't caught.Connor Then stared at the wateruim Z.He looked at piplup and gave it to him.Connor knew he needed to get stronger,and decided to explore the whole island with just piplup,Grovyle and Braixen.Connor then returned to the base.


(Not trying to capture anything,just want money if my story is even long enough)

 

@Cmann, would you be interested in a writing mentor? We have a pretty cool program here. I'd be happy to help out!

(That being said, I can't grade this particular story at the moment as I'm already working on another. If no one's claimed it by the time I'm done, I'll come back!)

 

Hey, cmann! I'll take a look at your story! Claimed.


edit: unclaimed to give Dash a chance

 

Yeah, I'll be claiming this. Expect it to be done soonish!

 

Hey! Just wanted to say before this comes that this grade will be long, and hopefully everything I go over can help you slightly, and if you need me to go over some details, feel free to ask. Sorry if anything seems off.

The Grade

Length:
To start off, it should be noted that your story reaches 2,895 characters. Now, it could have reached more, but for the meantime its fine. Its less than the recommended for an Easiest story, but length isn't always the most important factor. Just a noteworthy thing for the future.

Introduction:
The introduction is a continuation from what appears to be another story (which I have gone back and looked at), so that is no issue. But, there are a few particular issues I have with it that I'm going to go over. Reading through it though, I can say right away that it understands where its going for the most part.

While not necessary to read the first story, it kind of hints that you should with this beginning, which isn't bad at all. I did state this before, but its kind of noteworthy to understand the characters in this right away, and I thought it might be worth pointing that out. Unless you have already played the Sun and Moon games (which it might be difficult to believe some of us in URPG have not finished it), it'll be difficult to guess who these characters are. Even though there are things like Google, you should really describe the characters so that we, as an audience, can imagine what they look like in our mind. Same goes for your main character, which is lacking any description besides which Pokemon they have and knowing he has a techpad. Description is important to any story, but since this is mainly about the introduction, I'll just save it for later.

Now, the biggest problem I have with the intro is the fact that there's no catch due to the fact that it just feels like a bunch of sentences thrown together. There's nothing to grab someone's attention here, and it took me a bit to read over it because I had to make sure I wasn't missing a sentence or word. It truly feels difficult to catch what seems wrong until you look over it, and I noticed it be the lack of connection between sentences. With nothing to connect them, they don't feel like the same paragraph. The first and the last sentences are fine for the most part; they work with each other and give us an understanding of what is going on. My main issue, is this cluster in the middle:

After explaining he was going to Drenched Bluff, we get this crowd of sentences. We learn he explored Beach Cave in the previous story, but then it talks about how he was beginning to "map the new island." Are Drenched Bluff and Beach Cave on the same island? Are they in separate areas? Is he looking to map Beach Cave while he heads to the bluff? We are given no context clues as to where they are. Also, he talks about leaving Braixen behind for rest, yet give us no clarity as to why it should or the amount of time between the last two stories, which makes me question; if the stories were say a day or two apart, wouldn't Braixen be rested by now? Telling the reader these can be essential to getting a better idea of the big picture.

Then, we understand he is going to bring his Grovyle and this mysterious Piplup. What is mysterious about it though? Is it because it showed up out of the dark to help him (ignore that I read the previous story if this seems off), or does it just act odd around everyone? Is it because of how it looks? Context is key in a story, and so far we just have none. Even if its a continuation of a story, similar to a chapter system, more information about everything will almost always help you more than harm you.

If all of these factors are put to use, I feel like the introduction would be overall more solid, easier to understand, and give people a good reason to want to continue the story.

Plot:
Plot is overall pretty simple and understandable throughout the story. Connor is working under Faba and Lusamine, and is now heading to the Drenched Bluff to explore and find anything important that may be there. He heads to the dungeon, and after fighting some Pokemon, gets a Waterium Z and fights Tapu Finni. The title of the story basically explains what it is overall on its own.

There's nothing particularly wrong with the plot, but since it was short that doesn't help me with figuring out what to help in this area. I just kind of wished there was more. There's nothing to really get into with the story because it is so short, and since its a continuing storyline, that makes it more difficult. Everything seem fine in pace, albeit the actual dungeon seemed to go by extremely fast compared to everything else. My main thing to say is just add more, not give less.

Grammar:
Now, the biggest thing about writing a story and will probably be the biggest thing in this grade: the grammar. There are some bigger issues that I will be going over, and some smaller ones, but this is one of the most important sections I believe you should take away from this grade. Good grammar is a necessity in good English writing, and with bad grammar, even the best of stories can be ruined.

The main thing I've seen in this story, and in all of yours, is that you never use a space after every sentence and comma. This is completely necessary, and not only does it reduce the length of the story in general, it breaks a major rule in English. I've noticed you've done this in most of your stories, and it is something you need to fix whenever you can.

Next thing on the list is due to capitalization. One of the things that you seem to be struggling with the most is capitalizing such things as names, places, and the such. There were multiple cases where the name of Drenched Bluff or Beach Cave weren't capitalized, or a Pokemon name would go completely uncapitalized as well. Also, with this rule mainly sticking true to Pokemon, all moves are to be capitalized, as we've seen in the games, mangas, and any other form of entertainment related to Pokemon.

As a general rule of thumb, you should stick to making sure to remember all of the capitalization rules for when to capitalize and when not to do so. Such cases for capitalizing include: names, buildings, locations, proper nouns, and for Pokemon, moves. Get used to doing this a lot and I'm sure you'll improve in it. It was one of the main things besides spacing I saw between all of your stories, and not fixing these mistakes can lead to repeating it over in the future.

To finish off this section, I'll just leave a small list of spelling mistakes that I noticed that seemed really out of place or happened consistantly:

aera -> area
drenched bluffed -> Drenched Bluff

You spelled pedestal correct the first time, but then wrong the second time. Z-Crystal should have been "Waterium-Z" from my understanding as well. This only popped up twice in the story from what I saw though.

Tapu Fini was spelled Finni multiple times in the story (it was fine here though, but mainly took quote for other word). Forguired -> figured was the last real huge spelling mistake I saw.

Not everyone is perfect with grammar, so don't let this section bring you down. The best you can do is keep improving at it, and once you master grammar, any story you write can excel; just learn the rules and keep getting better at it, as it seems besides these common mistakes you were fine overall.

Description:
Again, the same issue I had with plot, is the lack of much description. The story felt neutered, as it not only lacked description to give us a better idea of what's going on, it seemed like you were even hiding details from yourself. The main thing that appears in your story is a battle scene, but you just left it as simple things like "Piplup used Ice Beam" and "Grovyle used Leaf Blade". There's nothing here that pops out, or any description of the action to drive these home, and make them feel fun to read. It just felt like I was writing a cutout of a standard Pokemon battle from one of the games.

The fun of stories is being imaginative with your settings and characters, and describing what's going on. From your story, this is the main bit that interested me:

This paragraph is what I wanted to see throughout the story when I read it. It described, although mildly, what the Bluff was like. We now know its damp and wet, something that we may want to know. You describe how Grovyle powers through the moves of the Pokemon, and showing the rational fear they had towards the grass type and its power. But we never get this experience after this point. I wish that more bits like this were tossed into the story to give it more life, and would have made it stronger overall.

When you write any more stories, I ask that you do this more often, and describe to us what your characters and Pokemon look like. Does anything stand out about Connor, such as his clothing, or maybe a particular hat? Does Lusamine's posture or appearance cause Connor to think of anything, or Faba? Is Grovyle seem particularly bigger than most other Grovyles, or have any specific traits to it that stand out? Did Tapu Finni's mist from Misty Terrain have a light hue to it possibly, making it stand out as more than just a standard mist to signal the appearance?

Any of these factors can help a story improve, and when you start adding description, it makes it funner to write it as an author and makes it funner to read as the reader. Anything can help, and even the smallest of details can change a story and how you look at it. Scenes like the one I talked about before are what we want out of a story, and I hope in the future you continue to set up ones such as that, maybe even more powerful and with more feeling that that.

Summary:
Now, if you've somehow made it through my walls of text and any advice you pulled out of it, congrats and thanks for reading my grade. In general though, if you just skipped to this section, I'll just briefly highlight that the main issue with your stories right now is that you make common grammar mistakes through all of them, and that your description through most of it is just not there.

Although it was just barely under 3,000 characters, I'm going to say that the length wasn't so much the issue as grammar or description were. For those reasons, I'm going to have to say this story does not pass. If you work on the things I talked about, and want to revise this story, go for it. Or if you'd prefer to write one taking the things I said in mind, that'd be great to. I'm glad to see someone take an interest in writing for URPG, and I hope to see you continue to do so. If you ever want any help, feel free to contact me or a writing mentor. I'm sure any of us are willing to help you improve, so don't feel afraid to ask