Christmas Wine

It was always night in Halloween Town. The children of the small village on the cliff had never once seen the bright rays of sunlight, had never felt the warmth on their skin. Long, black clouds stretched over the sky, hiding any light that may have fallen from the heavens above. The town itself was comprised of small cottage-like buildings, grouped together tightly. They were sad looking, almost as if they were in a state of disrepair. The roofs sagged, the paint was chipped, lending it a spooky quality. The town was perched on a giant cliff, surrounded by a forest of bare and dead trees. Every so often, a shaft of moonlight would break through the dense cloud coverage, falling on the dead trees. The effect was as though the rotten limbs were reaching up towards the town, to grab it and drag it down to the miserable land that lay below.

A little boy could be seen by the old school house, peeping through the glass window. The school house was in an old tree, the only one that grew in Halloween Town. It was tall, its tallest and old branches reaching high up into the dark sky. It was leafless, like the others below, and looked as though its trunk was made up of many trees, all twining together to create one massive tree. The schoolhouse was there, in the middle of the hollowed out tree. There was only one room, but it was large and spacious enough for all the little children of the town to gather for their lessons.

The little boy rose up on his tiptoes, staring through the window at his young friend, who was still in class. The teacher was seated on a small stump, her long black skirts swirled around her legs. The children were sitting on the dirt floor, gazing up at their teacher with rapt gazes as she waggles her long fingers, willing sparkles to materialize in the air. The sparkles were bright white, a startling sight against the yellowish orange of the candles and lanterns. The sparkles died out and the teacher stood, her pupils following. They all filed out the door, the teacher waving as they exited the old tree.

“Astomi!” the boy called, his voice ringing through the air. Astomi looked over at him, her large blue eyes widening at the sight of her friend. She was a pretty girl, her skin like unblemished porcelain, her yellow hair cascading around her shoulders and down her back in bouncy ringlets. Sometimes he liked to pull on those curls, to watch them bounce along.

“Taiji!” Astomi smiled, dashing over to his side. She was quite the sight in her black robes and floppy hat. “Were you watching me again?”

“i was watching just you, Astomi.” Taiji kicked the ground, shoving his hands in the pockets of his trousers. “Mom asked me to walk you home. It’s getting late and all.” Taiji glanced up at the sky, his brown eyes searching the clouds. The clouds were always a stormy gray during the day, but night was when they turned black.

“Oh. I learned a new trick.” Astomi told him as they made their way down the broken cobblestone streets. Little tufts of dead grass poked up from under the dirt, breaking through the path. Astomi and Taiji lived next to each other, so they often waited for one another to get out of class so they could walk home together.

“Oh.” Taiji nodded. Astomi was a witch, a rare creature in Halloween Town.

Everyone in Halloween Town was a monster of some sort, except for the children. The children were born as mortals, only gaining their monster powers upon reaching puberty. Astomi, being a witch, was not mortal but she wasn’t a monster either. Since she was a witch, she had been born with her powers and was learning to strengthen them. Taiji, however, like the rest of the children had to learn mathematics and other things that little boys hated. His family was one of vampires, so when he gained his powers, he would learn of the ancient powers and bloodlines of his heritage.

Being in possession of a very short attention span, Taiji didn’t very much look forward to the plentiful lessons he would soon have to take. He did want his powers, though, so he could go hunting with his parents and enjoy the life of a protector of the town, which was a vampire’s sacred duty. Since he was little, his father had been training him in the way of the sword. He wasn’t very good, but he was learning very fast.

“Taiji, do you think your mom will let us read the Tale of Christmas now? We are twelve now.” Astomi said, leaning over to itch her ankle. She drew up her robe, exposing her light skin. Embarrassed, Taiji looked away. He wasn’t used to seeing Astomi’s legs, as they were always hidden under her billowing robe.

“I don’t know. Probably.” He shrugged. Their homes were in sight, tiny cottages that looked as though a faint breeze would blow them over without much of a resistance. Taiji pushed open the heavy oak door, dropping his lunch pail on the floor. “Mom, I’m home!” He called out, looking around. His mother walked out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. She was a vampire so she dined on blood, but Taiji was still mortal and had to eat real food, like Astomi.

“Hello, little ones.” She greeted the two with a kiss on the cheek each. Taiji rubbed his off, as boys who thought they were too old were prone to do. Her red eyes warm, she offered the children a snack of roasted potatoes.

“Actually, mom, Astomi and I want to read the Tale of Christmas.” Taiji said, plopping down on a cushion on the floor.

“Really? I supposed you can now. You’ll soon inherit your monster powers, so I guess it will be okay.” Taiji’s mother held her hand up, a large book dropping from the air to land in her palm. White hair swishing behind her, she placed the book down in front of them, running a hand over her son’s thick brown hair. “My son. You’re growing up so fast. Your hair is already starting to grow in white.” she said fondly.

“Whatever.” Taiji muttered.

“Shall I read it for you?” She offered, cocking her head to the side.

“No, we’re fine.”

“Okay. I’ll be out soon with your snacks.” She walked back into the kitchen, her steps eerily silence. She peeked around the corner, watching her son with love in her red eyes. Taiji picked up the book, opening the heavy cover. It look to be very old, all manners of pictures etched into the cover. The pages were heavy and thick, the paper yellowing. Astomi leaned closer to get a better look, her hat waving under Taiji nose. Irritated, he pushed it away gently and focus on the words.

“You had better watch out, be alert and better not cry.” Taiji read, his lips moving slowly. “Because Santa is coming soon. He’ll give you all something valuable. Or not... You might get everything taken away. Don’t cry, child, do you still believe in Santa?”

Taiji flipped the page, a feeling of uneasy crawling over his skin. It was a creepy rhyme, one that chilled him to his bones. He continued to read on, refusing to let the words daunt him.

“I’ll give you fear and a present, too. For the world that wants warmth. From the cradle to the grave, he’s checking it twice. You’d better not cry.” Taiji shut the book, jolting Astomi.

“This is stupid! There is no such thing as Santa!” Taiji declared.

“What a naughty thing to say, Taiji.” His mother walked across the old floorboards, her long white hair catching on the breeze from the drafts in the house. She ran her long hands over his hair, her touch comforting. “Don’t you know that when little children in Halloween Town get their monster powers, Sante doesn’t visit them anymore? This may very well be the last time Santa will visit us. Don’t you want a gift?” She teased.

“You and Papa give me gifts. I don’t need some fat man in a red suit.”

“Silly boy.” Taiji’s mother laughed lightly. “Here are your snacks.”

~~~

It was long after Astomi left that Taiji was sent to bed. He had wanted to stay up longer to see his father, but his mom had said no, that little boys needed their sleep.

“You don’t want to be awake when Santa comes, do you?” she had whispered before kissing his cheek.

“Night, Mom.” He mumbled, quite angry that he had to go to bed so early.

“Good night, Taiji.” His mother left quietly, shutting the door behind her.

~~~

“Mama, does Santa really exist? Taiji says he doesn’t.” Astomi told her mother after her bedtime story was finished.

“I believe so, child. Go to sleep, my sweet witch.” Astomi watched as her mother left her alone in the room, sinking deep under the covers. She pulled her magic wand out from under her pillow, chanting a small light spell. She frowned as the darkness remained. She tapped the end of her wand against her hand, the light blinking on. She loved to read and had discovered a book on Santa Claus in the school library.

“Making a list, checking it twice. Who’s been naughty and who’s been nice? I’ll give you all something valuable or not… You might get everything taken away. I’ll give you fear and a present, too. You better not cry.” Astomi whispered, reading the words from the pages she had copied from the big book. She had stuffed them into her book form the library so she could read them at home. Using her wand to continue reading, Astomi forged on through the book, delight filling her up from head to toes.

~~~

Taiji opened his eyes sleepily, the sound of creaking floorboards in his ears. He sat up in bed, his blanket falling away. He rubbed his fisted hands against his eyes, his vision blurred from having been asleep.

“Mom?” he called out, his voice thin and weak. Taiji struggled to keep his eyes open. The sound of tiny feet scuttling over the floorboard sent a chill running down Taiji spine. His room was cast in shadows, the wind blowing through the drafts in his walls creating an eerie sound. Taiji grabbed his blankets, clutching it to his chest.

Small voices floated through the darkness, talking back and forth, their words hushed. A shaft of moonlight broke through the clouds, slanting through Taiji’s window, spilling into his room. The arms of the dead tree outside his house played over his wall, moving as it was buffeted by the wind. The light grew brighter, filling the room. Taiji could make out small shaped huddle behind his furniture. They slowly moved towards his bed, arms outstretched towards him. A scream froze in Taiji’s throat, the icy fingers of fear travelling through his bloody, chilling his skin. Their skin appeared white in the moonlight, their eyes black and dead. They looked like children, dressed in dirty, ragged clothes, patches of their skin covered with dirt and dust. The corners of their mouth were tipped in in horrible, unwavering smiles.

They climbed on Taiji’s bed, slowly pulling his blankets down to the floor. A cold breeze blew over Taiji’s bare feet, small dirty handprints appearing on his sheets whenever the monsters touched them. They grabbed hold of Taiji’s pajama pants, pulling him down off the bed. With numb hands, he tried to hold onto the headboard, his fingertips brushing over the metal bars. Their hands were cold on his skin, their fingers bruising. He was bundled into a big red bag that swallowed him up completely. As Taiji slid down deeper into its fathomless depths, he could feel hopelessness crawl up from the pit of his stomach, mixing with the fear. Tears welled up in Taiji’s eyes, spilling over onto his cheeks, leaving tracks as they rolled down his face.

~~~

Astomi and Taiji lived next to each other, so they often snuck into one another’s room when they had something they didn’t want to wait until the next day to share. Astomi opened up Taiji’s window and climbed in, her tiny feet leaving prints on the side of the cottage. She tumbled down onto his bed, expecting to feel his sleeping form. The minute of moonlight had passed while Astomi was making the trip from her house, the room completely back.

“Taiji?” She whispered, pulling her wand from her sleeve. She whispered her light spell, her wand once more fizzing before going out.

Astomi tapped the wand against her hand madly. The wand blinked on, illuminating the whole room. Astomi’s gaze landed on a group of small, dirty children, dragging a big red bag behind them. They looked over their shoulders at Astomi, wide smiles frozen on their creepy faces. They dropped the bag, running over to Astomi, grabbing her roughly. They pulled on her hair, shoving something into her mouth to muffle the scream she was trying to let loose. Two took up the bag, dragging it into the front room of Taiji’s house, Astomi and the others following. They shoved the bag up the chimney, turning next to Astomi. They pushed her forward, and Astomi stumbled, going down on her hands and knees in the pit of the fireplace. Their hands grabbed at her, pushing her up into the chimney.

~~~

Taiji felt many hands on him in the cramped bag. They pushed at him, their tiny fingers digging into his skin, leaving bruises. He screamed until his voice was hoarse and his throat raw, and then screamed some more. The feeling of helplessness weighed down on him, heavier than anything he had ever felt. He tumbled out of the bag and into a small cage, banging his head against the bars as he rolled to a stop. Scrambling to his feet, Taiji tried to make it out of the cage. The door slammed shut, locked by one of the white things that had grabbed him.

“Let me out!” He called, his voice weak and painful. He shook the bars, hoping that they would budge, but they stood firm.

“It’s no use.” a voice said, making Taiji freeze. He looked over his shoulder, his face smudged with dirt and dried tears. A little boy sat in the corner, legs drawn up to his chin. “They never open the doors unless it’s to take you.”

“What are you talking about?” Taiji asked, sniffing. The cage was taller than he was, but he was very small for his size, about the height of an eight year old child. All of the children in Halloween Town were very small until they gained their monster powers. With the powers often came a growth spurt.

“They took me.” The kid continued to speak. “Into a room with white light. They put something into me.” The little boy trembled. Disturbed, Taiji moved into a different corner, burying his face in his hands. The floor was made of dirt and felt very cold underneath his bare feet, the frigid air slicing through his thin pajamas. His body hurt from all the poking and pushing, his head sore from the fall. He missed his mother’s warm embrace. But he had heard Astomi. Maybe she had told his parents about what she had seen. Maybe he would be saved.

~~~

Astomi was pushed out of the bag, landing hard on a solid floor. Rubbing her sore knee, she looked up at the group of small people that surrounded her. They were all short like she, with pasty skin and wide, unfaltering smiled. Astomi let out a whimper, their faces scaring her. She backed up, her back hitting a wall.

“Get back to work!” A large man could be seen over their heads, swinging a whip. It lashed out, hitting the small people, sending them scattering. Astomi held up her hand, shielding her eyes from the sudden bright light. The room was very bright, brighter than anything Astomi had ever seen in her entire life. She squeezed her eyes shut, the light too much to bear for her eyes.

“You, get up! You’re the new elf, right?” He asked, hauling Astomi up roughly.

“I am not an elf!” She said indignantly, snatching her thin arm back. She called for her robes and hat, feeling relieved as they materialized on her body, replacing her nightgown. She was still a very young witch, and there wasn’t much she could do, but this was one of her more stronger spells. “I am a witch.” She declared, setting her hat in her head with a flourish.

“You’re in the workshop, you’re an elf.” He grabbed her again, half dragging her through the long room. Tall, tall windows took up one full wall, the light streaming in through them. Tables were lined up on each side of the room, two little people standing at each one, hard at work. Confused, Astomi tried to remember if there was ever a place like this in Halloween Town.

“Where am I?” Astomi asked him.

“Dumb elf. You don’t even know that you’re in Christmas Town.” He muttered, tossing her into a room. “You’d better not cause any trouble!” He pointed a finger at her before walking away. A little person walked up to her, handing her some folded clothing. Astomi pushed it away.

“I am a witch, I only wear clothes that are imbued with magic.”

“If you don’t put them on, he’ll get very mad.” The little person said, his voice coming out weird since his mouth was stretched into a creepy smile.

“Who? The other guy? I’m not afraid of him.” Glancing around, Astomi gave a frustrated sigh. “Where am I, anyway? This doesn’t look like Halloween Town.”

“That’s because this is Christmas Town, where everyday is a gift.” The little person said in a muted voice.

“Is your face okay?” Astomi asked, peering closer. It wasn’t a little person at all, she realized with a gasp. They were all children, like she! The boy’s eyes were very sad, belaying the wide set smile on his lips. The corners of his mouth were tipped up, pushed back into his cheeks. “It looks painful.”

“He doesn’t like it when we stop smiling. It makes him very mad. So he made us smile and froze it in place.” The little boy touched his cheek, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Don’t worry. I’ll get you out of here. It can’t be much fun if you’re made to smile like that.” Astomi looked around.

It was a room unlike anything she’d ever seen. There were stalls like the ones the centaurs slept in lining one wall, with blankets pulled over them, a small table in the other. An adult sat in a chair, a strange tube in one hand. One of the children was standing in front of the table, a sad look on her face. Like all the others, she was dressed in a white shirt and white trousers, small white loafers on her feet. The man, dressed in the same clothes as the little girl, used his thumbs to stretch her mouth into a wide, open smile. He held the tube close to her face, a mist spraying from it.

“That’s disgusting!” Astomi grimaced. “Why would you let them do that to you?”

“Quiet! You can’t say that here!” The little boy warned her, quickly hushing Astomi.

“Why not?”

“Because this is Christmas Town and we do things a certain way here.” The little boy explained. Astomi touched his hand, seeing a glimpse of his mind through her powers. He had once been like her, a happy child, living in Halloween Town. She saw that he was taken from his bed, just like Taiji had been.

“Don’t you miss Halloween Town?” Astomi whispered.

“I will always miss my home. I never even got a chance to grow into my monster powers. They took me before I could. All because I said I didn’t believe in Santa.” The little boy hung his head sadly.

~~~

Sadness… There was only sadness in the lonely, cold world. The little Phantump didn’t know where he was, not how he had gotten there. He missed his stump, his home. It was his family, his life, his breath. He felt the pull of loneliness, the tug of depression. Where was his home? Why was he here? He drifted around, trying to find someone to help him. The creatures with the flat faces and wide eyes ignored his pleas for help, passing right through him without a second thought. He hung his head, upset. Where was his home? He felt empty without it. Was there someone who could return him to his home? He could feel something, a lure of some sort. He went towards it. It was bright and shiny and felt familiar. Maybe it was his home...

~~~

Taiji was aware that something was in the cell with him and the other little boy. He was almost a monster himself, so he was able to sense other supernatural forces. The little boy in the corner was muttering to himself, scribbling over the floor with a bit of rock he had found. Taiji’s gaze roamed over the cage. He could see glimpses of the room through the bar. It was dark and dirty, like the cellar under his house where his parents kept their blood supply. There was a fire somewhere as well, he could smell the smoke and embers, see the light flashing on the dirt walls. He continued to look over the cage, searching for the presence.

There, in the corner, he saw a small form. It glowed softly, like his ghoul teacher. It had a small wisplike black body with a tiny helmet made of wood. Two little branches poked out either sides of his head, his red eyes pulsing through the little helmet. It went over the little creature’s face. It was a Pokemon, a species that lived in the dead forest below Halloween Town. Astomi had claimed that she went down there with the other witches to speak with them. She had drawn a picture of one and showed it to him. Astomi had called it a Phantump, the spirit of dead trees.

Taiji realized that if a spirit of a dead tree was near, a tree had to be near as well. He could be in the forest below Halloween Town! Maybe the little spirit could lead him to a way out of the cage! Excited, Taiji scooted closer, extending his hand to the spirit. It stared at his hand for a moment, as if it was something interesting. The little creature started to move closer to Taiji’s hand, its ghostly body chilling the air

“Don’t!” The little boy in the corner cried out. The Phantump touched Taiji’s hand, a white-hot pain going through his arm. The end of the Phantump’s spectral body attached to Taiji’s fingers. Annoyed, he tried to shake it off, but it wouldn’t detach. A disembodied laugh filled the cage, startling the two boys.

“You shouldn’t have done that. Now, they’ll come to take you soon.” The little boy warned, his eyes forlorn.

“What are you talking about?” Taiji grunted, still trying to dislodge the Phantump, which was giggling still.

“They send in those creatures,” he said, scratching his arm. “When you touch them, they won’t ever leave you alone. They come after you’ve touched and bonded, and they take you into the white room. When I came out, the little wolf was gone.” The little boy crawled closer to Taiji, a scared look on his face. His clothes were little more than rags on his body, his skin dirty underneath.

“Help me. I can feel it inside me, clawing at me.” The little boy rubbed his chest. “It hurts.” Tears shone like small, glittering diamonds in his eyes as he stared at Taiji, sorrow weighing heavy on the two boys.

“We’ll get out of here, don’t worry. You’ll be okay.” Taiji assured him, not feeling very brave himself.

“Are you from Halloween Town, too?” The little boy wiped away his tears, moving even closer to Taiji. Phantump, still connected to his fingers, narrowed its red eyes at the child.

“Yes.” Taiji nodded.

“I thought so. They always take us from Halloween Town. I don’t know why. I think he hates monsters.”

“He?”

“Santa Claus. I never believed in him until they took me here. They wanted to make me an elf, so I could work in the shop, making toys. But I didn’t make them well enough, so they brought me down here and put it in my chest.”

Taiji and the boy fell silence, the quiet creeping over the cage like a blanket. Taiji thought back to the Tale of Christmas. He had read a little bit more before going to bed. The book had depicted Santa as a warm and jolly person, bringing gifts and spreading cheer all over the world one day a year. Taiji didn’t understand what was happening. All of this, being taken from his home, being made to bond with a tree spirit, was all because of Santa Claus. A chill ran up his spine, spreading through his limbs. Taiji wrapped his arms around himself, trying to imagine that it was his mother that was hugging him. His heart heavy, Taiji laid down on the ground and tried to sleep.

~~~

“Ho, ho, ho!” The big man in the red suit chuckled. He was seated on a big chair that was covered in dark green velvet. It was made of gold and shone in the bright light.

Astomi stood beside him with another of the children. They had made her change out of her witch’s robes and into a small green tunic, with red and white striped hose and slippers that were too small for her feet. The clothes were horribly constricting, as she was used to the flowing freedom of her robes. Astomi snuck her hand around her back, lifting her tunic to relieve the itch at the small of her back.

“Smile!” The adult standing behind her prompted, shoving her hard in the shoulder. Astomi frowned, staring up at the person. He was very tall, dressed in a larger, slightly loose outfit that matched hers, his blonde hair combed over the side. Astomi turned around, pasting a wide smile on her face. Her cheeks and jaw hurt from smiling so widely, but she had no choice if she didn’t want them to freeze her face with that weird stuff in the tube.

A child came up to the man and sat on his knee, speaking to him. Astomi looked away, still smiling. The bright light still hurt her eyes, even though the sky was covered with soft gray clouds and the sun wasn’t in sight. The whole town was covered with fluffy white stuff, the streets clean and lined with shops that were decorated with fires contained in small multicolored lanterns that hung on a string. The people were dressed in fancy clothes with furs thrown over their shoulders for warmth. Astomi felt a pang of sadness for the poor animals who were undoubtedly killed for their pelts. In Halloween Town, the fur was cut carefully from the animal’s body during the warmest season in one great harvest.

She missed her home. She had never been away from her parents for long, even at school. Christmas Town was large and scary, just like that big man in the red suit. He had shiny, rosy cheeks, small glasses perched on his button nose, and thick white brows over blue eyes. Astomi bit back a gasp, trying to keep her smile on her face. By the steps leading up to the platform they stood on was a small tree spirit. Her teacher had a tree spirit as a familiar. Astomi was too young to have a familiar, but when she was old enough, she would soon get to pick her own. If she ever got back to Halloween Town, that was.

Astomi beckoned the spirit closer, trying not to draw attention to herself. The spirit stared at her for a moment, as if it was trying to decided if she was a threat or not. It floated closer, hovering in front of Astomi. Being a witch, only she could see the spirit. The others just looked at the big man with admiration in their eyes. He stood, raising his arms in the air. The people began to cheer, clamoring for his attention.

“Ho, ho, ho!” he chuckled. One of the adults stepped forward with a big red bag, quite like the one Astomi had been shoved into. The man started to pull beautifully wrapped presents out of the bag, passing them to the people in the crowd.

“Santa?” A little girl with round brown eyes approached the steps, a teddy bear clutched in her arms. The big man looked down at her. It was then that Astomi realized that the man was Santa Claus. He did exist after all.

“Yes, my dear?” he said kindly, his eyes twinkling.

“Everyone got a present but me. I was very good this year, I don’t think I was bad enough to get on the naughty list.” The little girl replied.

“Well, my dear, there is a naughty list. I’ve checked it twice, and you are most certainly on it. You were a very bad girl this year and you get no presents.” Santa said, the kindness in his eyes disappearing.

“But I wasn’t!” She protested, near tears.

“Don’t cry, child. You might get everything taken away.” He warned. The girl sniffed, backing away. Santa straightened, snapping his fingers. The teddy bear in her arms grew hard, turning black like coal. It smudged her pretty coat, staining her fingers. The little girl dropped the bear in surprise and it hit the ground, bursting apart like a lump of coal.

“I’m coming soon and I’ll give you all something valuable!” He shouted, the crowd cheering for him despite what he had just done to the poor child.

Astomi thought back to the Tale of Christmas, and how Santa’s words compared to its rhymes. The Phantump made a small sound, drawing closer to Astomi. She sadly followed the others as they filed back into the workshop, a towering white building with many windows. It signified suffering to Astomi, but the people of Christmas Town seemed to worship it as much as they did Santa. It was a horrible place, Christmas Town was. Kidnapping the children of Halloween Town and making them slaves to Santa. Freezing smiles on their faces, making children cry, and controlling the public by promising them valuable things.

“Santa Claus is a greedy man.” Astomi whispered, peering up at the Phantump. She wanted to believe that her teacher had found her in Christmas Town, and that the Phantump was her familiar, but it was very possible that it wasn’t. There were many trees all over Christmas town, covered in the fake snow and small lanterns. They were cut down and put in little pots. The trees were dead, and the Phantump could be from one of them.

“If you are listening, Teacher, you have found me. I am in Christmas Town. I don’t know where Taiji is.” She whispered, grateful that the people couldn’t see the spirit. Only monsters could sense other supernatural presences and the people of Christmas Town were very much human.

~~~

The teacher lowered her hands from the crystal ball, the vision escaping her. Astomi was in Christmas Town. Astomi and Taiji’s parent crowded around the teaching tree, anxious to hear the news of their missing children. The teacher rose, her skirts moving around her ankles as she walked.

“Astomi is safe. She has not partaken of the wine. There is time enough still.” Her lilting voice floated through the air.

“And Taiji?” His mother asked, her red eyes clouded with worry. As a protector of Halloween Town, it fell on her to protect the children from the thieves of Christmas Town. She felt as though she had failed in her duty to protect the children, even her own son.

“I will continue to search for him.” The teacher bowed and back into the tree.

Christmas Town and Halloween Town had troubled histories. Santa had lived in Halloween Town and the monsters had helped Santa Claus with his toy manufacturing. But Santa had grown greedy, his ambition too much for the gentle monsters. When they refused to work for the corrupt man, he tried to force them to stay, so he could could earn the admiration of the world. He had tried to enslave the entire monster race, but had been defeated by the vampires. The monsters had left his cruel workshop and banished him from Halloween Town so that they could live free of his brutal reign.

He went to another town, winning them over with his free gifts. They renamed it Christmas Town and made Santa their king, their god. But Santa had not been satisfied with his glory and fame. He had wanted revenge on the monsters who had almost shattered his dreams. So he returned under the cover of night, just a few days before Christmas, and stole the monster children from their beds. Some had been recovered by the vampires, who acted as the town’s protectors, but he had carried the rest off to Christmas Town.

Once there, they were made into his elves. Because they hadn’t inherited their monster powers, they were forced to work in his workshop, making toys until they gained their powers and returned. But Santa was clever. He made an elixir and made the children drink it. It bound their minds and powers so they could not fight his orders. They remained children forever, victims of the Christmas wine, unable to gain their monster powers. But the monsters had tried to free their children once. They had been chased from Christmas Town with torches and pitch forks, all the way back to Halloween Town.

The teacher knew her time was short. Astomi and Taiji were special children. Astomi was gifted in ways that no monster had been in a very long time and Taiji… Taiji’s destiny was a sad one, but he was essential for Halloween Town’s survival. They must be returned, if Halloween Town was to survive Santa’s wrath. Concentrating on Astomi’s life force, the teacher let her body drift.

~~~

The Phantump was bother Taiji, tugging on his hand with its spirit body. Taiji finally sat up, looking around for the little boy. He found him at the corner, scraping away at the dirt wall.

“What are you doing?” Taiji asked, the boy’s silence frightening him.

“I’ve been making this hole for a very long time.” He explained, his hands scraping at the wall. A door swung open, the sound echoing through the room and cage. Taiji scrambled to the back of the cage, pressing himself against the wall. A big man in a red suit and one of the weird little creatures who had taken him walked in, stopping in front of the cage. Taiji stared at them in fear, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

“Has he bonded with the spirit Pokemon yet?” The man asked, glaring at Taiji.

“Yes.” Its mouth was stretched upwards in a terrifying smile, freezing Taiji’s blood. It cocked its head to the side, watching him sadly.

“Good. Take him in for the operation. He looks like a fighter. maybe he’ll pull through the operation. If you survive, young monster, you’ll be part of my army. We’ll attack Halloween Town and reclaim the honor they stole from me. Isn’t that ironic? .” The man chuckled, folding his hands over his round tummy.

The little person opened the cage door, walking in to seize Taiji’s arm. Taiji screamed as he was pulled out of the cage, his hands searching for something, anything, to hold onto. He grabbed ahold of the bars, hold tears scalding his cheeks.

“Nooooo!” The boy screamed, his bloodcurdling tone making everyone in the room freeze. He dashed out of the cage, small black tufts of hair suddenly sprouting on his face and hands. But what was more amazing were the claws that had grown from his fingers. They poked through the toes of his ill fitting shoes, a bright red color. He leapt on the small man, tearing at his clothes wildly. Taiji fell to the ground, scooting back against the bars as he watched the boy tear the creature to shreds, scraps of bloody cloth flying through the air. The fat man ran, bolting through the door with amazing speed.

~~~

Astomi was standing at one of the toy tables, assembling a little wagon. She finished, handing it over to another little girl, who started to paint it red. Astomi’s fingers cramped from tightening the screws with the small tool they gave her. Her legs hurt from standing. If she didn’t work fast enough, one of the adults hit her across the back with a small whip. Already, she could feel the throb of blood welts rising through her skin. Tear tracks stained her face. She had never been beaten before.

“Drink time!” One of the adults crowed. Immediately, the little boys and girls lined up one either sides of the isle, accepting the small tin cups the adults passed them.

“What is that?” Astomi asked.”

“The Christmas Wine. They made up drink it everyday.” The little girl whispered.

“Why?” Astomi asked.

“So they can take away our monster powers and keep us here.” she fell silent as an adult passed her a cup, obediently sipping it.

Astomi stared down into the dark liquid. She didn’t want to stay here and she didn’t want to lose her powers. Spreading her hands over the top of the cup, Astomi whispered the purifying spell she had learned to make clean water.

“Drink it!” The adult urged her.

“Drink it!” The children chimed in. “Drink it! Drink it!”

She wasn’t sure that it would work on the wine, but it was worth a try. The little Phantump, who had stayed by her side through the whole day, whimpered as she raised the cup to her lips. It nudged her shoulder worriedly, but Astomi ignored the small spirit, taking a long drink. It tasted of cinnamon and spices, with a smooth berry flavor. Just as it had been sweet in her mouth, it made her stomach bitter and heave. Astomi frowned, clutching her stomach as pain wracked her. Within a few seconds the pain was gone, as if it had never happened.

“Get back to work!” The adults shouted. Astomi went back to making her wagons, the small break having done nothing to ease her pains. The Christmas wine didn’t seem to be having any effect though. Astomi breathed a sigh of relief, glancing up at the Phantump. She didn’t know why it had appeared to her, nor why it seemed to want to stay with her, but she was grateful for its company. She had often spoken to them in Halloween Town. They were bright creatures, knowing quite a bit about the world around the, They were believed to be the spirits of children who died in the forest, or the spirits of dead trees.

“Were you one of the children here?” Astomi asked the Phantump quietly. It looked at her before nodding its little head up and down. The Phantump touched her shoulder, sharing with her a brief vision of its life.

It had once been an elf, in charge of decorating the Christmas trees. Its job was to chop them down, decorate them with the fluffy stuff called snow and the twinkling lanterns. But one day, the tree didn’t fall backwards, as it was supposed to. It hadn’t been fast enough to get away, its little legs stuck in the deep snow. The tree had fallen atop it, crushing it. Sad, it had clung to the tree that killed it.

“I’m so sorry.” Astomi whispered. She wondered how many children had died because of the falling trees. They would wander the earth for a long time, looking for peace. The Phantump started to speak, its ghostly voice flitting through Astomi’s mind. It spoke not in the language of words, but images. “You want to go back to your stump?” Astomi asked. It nodded vigorously, the first sign of excitement Astomi had seem from the creature. For Phantumps, their stumps were their home. Astomi wondered quietly why it had wandered away from its stump.

~~~

Home? The little Phantump thought. This witch would take him home! She was bright, like a beacon, the only color in his sad, gray world. Maybe she would keep her promise and return him to his safe, lovely home. Some of the heavy sadness that wrapped around his soul eased up, making him feel very light. He would be home, soon, back to his stump where he was surrounded by the white.

~~~

The little boy was crouched on the small person’s body, panting hard. He looked over his shoulder at Taiji, who was frozen with terror. Tears dripped down his cheek, snot running from his nose. He stood, walking over to Taiji, who tried to back away, his back pressed to the cage bars. Taiji held his arm in front of his face, squeezing his eyes shut.

“We have to hurry if we want to escape!” The little boy urged him, holding out his hand. Taiji opened one eye, shocked to see that the little boy no longer had the claws and fur.

“You’re… You’re not going to kill me?” Taiji stammered, tripping over his tongue.

“No, hurry! they’ll be coming soon!” He grabbed Taiji, hauling him up by the hand not dominated by the Phantump. It curled around his fingers, its smoky body winding up his arm. The Phantump seemed to be scared, drawing closer to Taiji out of fear. Taiji felt torn. He didn’t want to go with the boy who was splattered with blood and guts, but he didn’t want to stay either. Making his decision, he went with the boy. Together, they ran to the back of the room, trying the door the fat man had went through. It was heavy and wouldn’t even move.

“There! A window!” Taiji shouted, pointing upwards. The room was dark, the only source coming from the single window and the fire. It was an odd room, filled with only cages, like a animal shelter. The little boy picked up a small rock laying on the dirt floor. He tossed it at the window, the glass shattering. The little boy boosted Taiji up and he crawled through, leaning down to grab the other boy’s hands and pull him up.

~~~

There was something happening in the workshop. The elves were all shepherded outside, standing in front of the great Christmas tree that stood in the middle of the town. Santa and the people of the town were gathered, staring at the tree. Astomi pushed through the crowd, trying to get a good look at what everyone was speaking in hushed tones about. She finally made it to the front, gasping in horror. It was her teacher, bound with ropes held by the hands of the elves.

“We caught her trying to sneak into town.” The elves called to Santa, who chuckled wickedly. “She’s a witch!”

“Burn her!” The people cried, punching their fists in the air. Astomi watched in horror as they threw things at her teacher, knocking her dark hat from her head. The rocks and clumps of snow it her all over, some drawing blood. Astomi tried to run forward, to save her teacher from the people’s cruelty, but stopped in her tracks as her teacher raised her head. There was sadness in her teacher’s shining blue eyes, but also joy at the sight of Astomi, safe and sound.

“Teacher!” Astomi shouted, her words lost in the shouts and jeers of the crowd. Her teacher opened her mouth, her words silence. Astomi felt herself being picked up, sparkles surrounding her body as she was lifted into the air. The Phantump gave a cry of shock as it, too, was lifted. Astomi shouted as she felt herself being sucked away, the sight of her teacher disappearing.

~~~

Thirty Minutes Earlier

The teacher sighed as her body settled on the white covered ground, her boot heels sinking deep into the soft snow. This was Christmas Town. It was quite a sight, the teacher had to admit. Her eyes were not used to the bright light that seemed to be coming from everywhere. She could see, off in the distance, a slope, covered in trees. It was there she heard the cries of injustice, the wails of children who had died long before their time, turned into spirits, left to cling only to the dead trees. Her heart went out to them, but it was not the spirits she had come for, but Taiji and Astomi. Two extremely important children that Halloween Town could not survive without. It was for them that she had made the trip.

“Be safe, my sweet children.” The teacher whispered, walking through the snow.

She felt quite out of place in her dark, modest robes when compared to the glory and splendor of the people of Christmas land. Santa Claus’s workshop loomed in the distance, like a monument to his being. It was almost luminescent, the bright light bouncing off the building. The teacher resisted the urge to shield her eyes. She wanted to go to the workshop, to find the Taiji and Astomi, but she could see the other children who had been stolen long ago, preparing the Christmas trees, hanging up lights, terrifying smiles frozen on their pale, sad faces.

The teacher knew that she could not save them all. She simply did not have the time. Though she may not have been able to save all the children now, she could save them later on. The Christmas wine was her target. It was a secret recipe and took a few years’ time to brew. If she could just destroy the wine they had stored now and save Astomi and Taiji, the other monsters could do the rest. The Christmas wine was brewed in the workshop, at the top floor. Closing her eyes, the teacher let her body drift upwards, passing through the walls to the top of the workshop. Yes, it was there.

Giant cauldrons of brewing wine, the scent of spices heavy in the air. There were no children here, for Santa could not risk one sabotaging the batches of wine. No, some of the people from Christmas town worked here, stirring the pots, dropping in the cinnamon bark and measuring the juices that went into the potent drink. The teacher focused her powers in her hands, her palms and fingers tingling as they started to glow. The power turned to fire, coiling it into tight balls that floated above the teacher’s hands. When she could hold them no longer, the teacher released the fiery balls. One headed straight for the main cauldron, blowing it up, spilling the precious wine all over the floor. The second hit the fuel for the fires under the cauldrons, flames racing up the walls, catching hold of the wine. The teacher let herself drift back, her body returning to the ground below. Flames billowed out of the windows, completely engulfing the top floor. It was then that the people took notice of the teacher, shouting as they chased after her

~~~

Taiji and the little boy bound over the snowy slopes, their tiny bodies numb with cold. Taiji fell, digging his fingers into the snow to pull himself up. They had been running forever, it felt like. The snow was everywhere, covering him, in his clothes, even in his nose. Taiji thought that he’d never be warm again, that he would die in the snow and no one would ever find him under all the layers of snow. He had to get to Halloween Town, to warn his parents about the evil plans Santa Claus had made.

“There!” The little boy shouted as they reached the top of the snow. He pointed ahead, a bright smile on his face. Taiji finished the climb, panting and shivering. It was so cold in the snow. He looked up, tears splashing down his cheeks, freezing on his face before they could even drip down to the ground. Halloween Town, he thought with joy. He could see the small village perched on the cliff, the forest of dead trees below.

“We should hurry!” Taiji cried, his voice hoarse. His skin felt tight and raw, little cracks forming over the dried skin. The Phantump was giggling, clearly excited to be near trees. The little boys dashed down the slope, the cold forgotten for the moment. They fell, sliding down, leaving tracks in the snow. The reached the bottom in a few minutes, the snow disappearing quickly, the air warming. Taiji ran ahead, entering the forest of dead trees. The branches scraped at him, but he pushed on, seeing his parents the only thing in his mind.

He crashed into a tree, smacking his forehead into a limb. It cracked, falling to the ground in front of Taiji, who had been knocked down on his butt. The Phantump, red eyes glowing with glee, detached himself from Taiji’s hand, floating through the forest to rejoin its friends. Taiji lifted his now free hand to his face, gasping as he saw blood on his face.

“Are you okay?” The little boy asked, crouching down in front of Taiji. His eyes widened when he saw the blood, his face blanching. “You’re… bleeding.”

“I’ll be fine. Mom can give me a bandage when I get home.” Too excited to wait, Taiji bounded to his feet, continuing on through the forest. He heard a sharp cry and turned around, concern for his friend, who was writhing on the ground, clawing at his chest. Screams of pain tore from his throat, the sound more hideous than anything Taiji had ever heard. He kicked his feet, stirring up the dead leaves that blanketed the ground, red scratches on his skin. The little boy suddenly stopped, his body going limp. Taiji walked closer slowly, his heart beating very fast.

“Are… You okay?” he asked, his voice trembling. He extended a hand, intending to touch the little boy. The boy’s eyes snapped open, focusing on Taiji. They were red, like his mother’s, but much, much brighter and fiercer. Taiji gasped as the boy jumped up, balancing on all fours like an animal. He growled, black fur surrounding his face, growing rapidly over his hands and legs, the red claws extending from his fingers once more.

Taiji screamed, turning around. He ran away, pushing through the dead trees. He could see the bottom of the cliff. If he could just make it there, he could call his mother. She would hear him and come to save him. Taiji felt the little boy jump on him, taking him to the ground. White hot pain sliced through Taiji as he felt the claws enter his back, tearing through his flesh. Tears burning his eyes, Taiji screamed for his mother as loud as he could, his voice dying as the life ebbed from his body.

~~~

Where was he? The little Phantump was lost. He didn’t know where his home was, or where the small witch was. She had promised to take him home, to return him to his sanctuary. Where were they? He looked around, confused. He didn’t see his lovely stump, just a very large tree. It wasn’t his home. It was very much alive, thriving with life. It made him sad, to know that he was all alone. His home was gone, the witch was gone, he was alone in the sad, gray world. He wished he could cry, to relieve some of the pain that seemed to be his body. He was alone, his thought again, drifting through the air. Maybe he could find a new home.

~~~

Astomi fell to the ground in the middle of the teaching tree, a jolt of pain going up her tailbone. She jumped up, looking around wildly. She saw her mother, Taiji’s parents, the rest of the monsters crowded around the tree. Rushing out, she explained to them what had happened. Pain struct Astomi deep in her belly, making her cry out. She doubled over, a bright light enveloping her.

~~~

Taiji was floating above his body. The little boy was seated on his back, scarfing down the remains of his body. He lifted his face to the sky, letting loose a wild howl. Taiji felt sad, looking down at the scene. He was dead now, just one of the dead children in the forest. He missed his mother and knew he would never get to feel the warmth of her embrace. But he wouldn’t be lonely here, the in the forest of dead trees. Because he was not alone. There were spirits here, drifting around, looking at him curiously. Taiji felt himself descending lower and lower. He had no legs, he couldn’t stand. Instead, his body tapered down into a wispy tail. He settled down on the branch of a dead tree, watching as the little boy loped off, completely covered with fur now.

So that was what Santa had put in his chest. Taiji was glad that he was free now, free to be the monster he had resisted so wholeheartedly. Taiji would never be a monster, but he could be a spirit. He could live in the forest of trees with the rest of the spirits. Maybe Astomi would come to speak to him if she was still alive. Taiji could see her, in his mind. She was on the ground, covered with light. An unspeakable sadness welled up in his heart. And so, he spoke the words he had been unable to tell his mother or the rest of the monsters, the words that would save Halloween Town. It was his destiny, after all. Astomi would hear, and she would tell them.

~~~

Astomi opened her eyes, looking around at all the people who were staring down at her. Her teacher was dead. She could feel the emptiness inside her where she had once been able to sense her teacher. But her life force was gone now and so was Taiji’s.

“Astomi! You’ve changed!” Her mother said, pride in her eyes. Astomi stood, watching as her robe fell, stopping above her knees. Her robe was suddenly smaller, as if she had grown at some point. Her hair fell down her back, her body now tall and slim. She had gained her monster powers with the dead of her teachers. She could feel the powers coursing through her veins, strong and beautiful. Astomi lifted her arms, her robes extending over her arms and legs. A wide brimmed hat settled over her curls, shadowing her pale face.

“We must go to Christmas Town. We must free the children there. My teacher had already taken care of most of the work. It is now up to us.” Astomi told the monsters, her voice light and calm, her girlish tone gone. “We must fight Santa Claus. He is planning to attack Halloween Town with an army of monster made from our children, spliced with Pokemon..”

“How do you know?” The monsters asked.

“Taiji told me.” Astomi said, adjusting her hat. She looked forward, to the distance where Christmas Town lay. She would go, for Taiji, who had died too soon. He was a wood spirit now, a Phantump. And Astomi was a witch. And she would use her powers to save the children in Christmas Town, to bring down the man who enslaved the public with promises of goodies.

~~~

You had better watch out, be alert and better not cry.
Because Santa is coming soon.
He’ll give you all something valuable.
Or not... You might get everything taken away.
Don’t cry, child, do you still believe in Santa?
He’ll give you fear and a present, too.
For the world that wants warmth.
From the cradle to the grave, he’s checking it twice.
You’d better not cry…

~~~

Spoiler

CC 51702
CC needed: 20k ~ 30k
Pokemon going for: Phantump

 

CLAAAAAAAIM! n~n

 

Whoaaa geez, sorry for the late grade on this! v~v Not intentional at all! FEEL FREE TO KICK ME WITH A BOOT OR MAKE ME DRINK THE WINE OR SOMETHING. But thanks so much for being patient! Anyway, on with your grade!

Introduction:

Hey, that first paragraph is not too bad at all! You've given us a full description of the town and embodied it with a real sense of dread. You set up this neat craft in the description where the trees are alive and the landscape teems with evil. Loved it! The real kicker for me was that last sentence of the first paragraph, where you really delivered the sensation of desolation and darkness. I don't even have any critiques here; you opened the story wonderfully!

Story:

Here we've got a strange mix of Halloween, Christmas, freaky paranormal kinks, war, affection, otherworldly death (of children no less!) and other stuff all mixed together in the early Spring of real life.

I have to start with an honestly negative critique: I couldn't take the story seriously half the time. We're talking about Christmas Town, where the whole "everyday is a gift" cliche got me rolling my eyes real quick. I thought that the combination of the words "Monster Powers" chipped away at the idea of something supernatural that was actually very cool and interesting had we delved more into it. Along the same lines of the monster powers, I thought that this whole underemphasis of the supernatural abilities could have been alleviated if the author had put more time into explaining how the powers worked; it doesn't exactly jive that Astomi just gets her monster powers and becomes slim (is being slim a supernatural ability??) and receives all her supernatural kinks with no explanation. I think explaining the whole logic behind how the powers work, like how the teacher can just sense other supernatural life forces, would go a long way in adding depth and creativity to your future works.

In regards to my first point about cliches and the overall seriousness / credibility of your story, I thought that your description went such a long way in crafting a serious tone for the story. For the other half of the time when I was engaged with your writing, it was honestly because the description did lure me in quite a bit and entertained me. Describing dead trees invading the souls of children was creepy and definitely added onto a seriously scary Halloween Town, not one where simply "it was always night in Halloween Town." So yeah! More on the great description later! But for now, I would just say to be... a little careful in the selection of your story material for future works? It's damn difficult to combine anything with a sense of Halloween Town by itself - it's been so chiseled away by young culture that it's hard to take anything from it seriously outside of what we see on TV when we're young. Start adding in paranormal stuff, especially vampires, which has a lot of negative hype behind it, and "Christmas Land" and then we're just in for some trouble.

But regardless, these are your stories. Write what you want and consider me advice, at best, for how other readers would interpret the story. Just thinking of how other people would want to see it or improve it.

LOVED the relevance between the target Pokemon and the story itself! I was so happy to see that the target Pokemon always had a place in the story and honestly, couldn't be replaced with any other rand-o Pokemon in that situation. In terms of the story itself, it was all about some deep dramz between Halloween Town and Christmas Town, with this bat b Santa getting all sorts of crazy and wanting vengeance. Santa's reasoning seemed a little... surface level? and kinda uninteresting to me. Was not surprised at all that he wanted to start a war, not because this is a common theme spread throughout your stories, but mostly because he just seemed like a one-dimensional character who wanted war to happen just for the sake of war. Hmm. Would have liked to see a little more past about him perhaps to add to his characterization.

In terms of characterization, I couldn't help but be a little scared when I read one sentence: "Astomi and Taiji were special children." and thought, the Mary Sues are among us. Neither character particularly stands out in my mind in honesty. I felt a little bad when we read about Taiji's death and his resurrection as a spirit, but that same moment it feels like Astomi's already ready to go to war! Isn't she thinking: what happened to my bud?? oh no! at any point in that? Her emotional reaction (or lack of one) was kind of my last hope for her. I did care a little about Taiji's fight at the end, and found that their perspective rapidly switching was so cool! (as broken off by the squiggle lines). That was a high point in the story for me, just because you juggled the reader's perspective, quickened the pace appropriately so, and did something in your writing that I really wasn't expecting.

If you plan to continue this story or just want advice for characterizing people in the future: give me a reason to care. Give your character faults, unique characteristics, make them relatable to the reader in any way you can. The only thing I got from Astomi was that she was blonde, blue-eyed, pretty, has robes, got magically taller / slimmer, and does the witchery thing. I confused her for Mary Sue (night-time edition). There's just nothing that sticks out or makes us care about her future endeavors in fighting Santa in the war. Delve into her motivations for that, her struggle to control her future witchery powers (maybe?) or something that just makes her human to us.

With the plot, I really liked the twists and turns at the end. I thought the teacher stepping into the story to save the day might have been a bit of a deux ex machina. Who is this teacher?? The kids don't even know - they just call her teacher? and then she does magic and the story moves on from there. We want to be careful about providing these overpowered, seemingly illogical solutions in place of more realistic consequences for our characters because it just takes away from a good story. We've had a great plot, a great problem comes up for our characters, and then something out of the blue solves it for them and takes away their credibility as protagonists. That being said, I may be a little tough here. The conclusion and story as a whole, although not perfect because short to nothing is, was entertaining as a whole. You've certainly improved a lot, in both plot and storytelling, and it shows in this story overall. So good job here!

Description:

Perhaps my favorite part of your descriptions was the attention paid to the minuscule details. Knowing that the characters were eating roasted potatoes as a snack was just really cool for some reason. Or knowing how people dressed was also a very neat effect that contributed to the engagement of the story. Also, you had an amazing blend of details and storytelling! You never quite bogged us down in description and you never failed to describe things on the surface when you needed to. You've really got the balance down, and the story was so smooth to read.

I have a challenge for you: develop stronger ways to describe. Get rid of common metaphors that don't add as much emphasis anymore because they're overused. For example, "icy fingers" / "chilly fear" is a comparison used so often in the literature that we use it out of habit, not out of creativity, and it may be harder to develop the sensation of what you're trying to compare to in our minds. Additionally, it may be worth it, on your second reading of your story for editing, to really think about the comparisons you're making. What does "quiet creeping over like a blanket" actually mean? My blanket's really warm and soft. It does not creep, nor is it quiet. Remember that the more well-crafted pieces of description are powerful.

Grammar:

Stylistically, because this is what I noticed first: we gotta be really careful with the fonts, man. We just have to. The italicized maroon for the whole story just makes me feel like I'm reading a really weird flashback from Monbrey's mind. What a weird world!! But in seriousness, really, the simple, the better. If you're not using this font to post around the forums, it's for a reason - people prolly can't read it (not is it in your usual style), and if people can't read it in a simple post, they're not going to want to read pages and pages of your story in that same font. Go simple - dark colors if not black, no italics unless we are trying to convey something especially emphasized. It's like the all caps argument, right? The message hasn't changed, but it reads like we're being screamed at with a particular font, and that's just no fun.

Otherwise, I think it may be helpful to work on varying word choice and fixing matters of verbosity.

Old and variations of tall are used quite a bit here. While not technically wrong, you gain more stylistic maturity points by eliminating unnecessary phrases or by combining phrases so you don't have to use extra adjectives. These are prime alternatives - or you can substitute synonyms, but really consider first if you need to do that.

Be careful about switching tenses. I know that one or more of us graders have mentioned this before, and it didn't happen too much here, so you're prolly working on it! and that's awesome. Otherwise, keep on proofreading. We still had a lot of errors spread throughout that were a little distracting. Watch out for awkward phrasing; for example, instead of saying, "Being in possession of a very short attention span," just say "Taiji had a short attention span," and then possibly delete the "very much" from that same sentence. Qualifiers / intensifiers like "very" "really" "much" provide only vague measurements from a literary context and leave us wondering what exactly you mean.

The quotations still need a comma to connect the quote part with the rest of the sentence.

naughty list." The little girl replied - becomes "naughty list," the little girl replied. I'm breezing over this a bit because I know I've talked about this in your grades before, as have other graders :X

Otherwise, you're solid. Keep on proofreading.

Length:

Ah, Phantump is actually only a Medium-target Pokemon! 10-20k! You've really gone above and beyond with the length here, which is so awesome!

Outcome:

PHANTUMP CAPTURED!! Woo! You did an excellent job here, from the description to the twists to the creativity. I had some pretty heavy critiques - but I hope you see this as a reflection of an eccentric, definitely different, strange, and wonderful story (= Have fun with your new mon!