Chapter One: The Need For Speed

So here's my first capture story.

Target: Yanma. (Medium)

Characters: 11,538

Enjoy.

Spoiler

“I feel the need—the need for speed!”

Anyone who’s seen Top Gun will recognize those words. And has probably even thought them in real-life. Especially if that someone is a guy. I think it’s just programmed into us. Like something in our genes, or a side effect of testosterone. I know I feel it a lot. Practically all the time, in fact. Sometimes, it seems like I’m all about going fast. It’s even in my name.

My name is Rush Wheeler.

This is my story.


It’s a beautiful day. Perfect for starting my Pokémon journey. I’ve just done a run-through of everything I’ve packed. If you’ve gone on a journey of your own—or, hell, if you’ve ever been outdoors for at least longer than overnight—then you probably have a good idea of the stuff I’ve packed in my bag, so I won’t go over everything. What I will do is mention what I have that’s more particular to me. Especially my bicycle. Now, you may be thinking that a bicycle isn’t all that special. After all, lots of people have them, and that includes journeying trainers. Well, you’re right, but it goes deeper for me.

As I’ve already explained about myself, I love going fast. Kinda like Will Ferrell in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Maybe not to the same extreme, but you get the point. At any rate, you should see where I’m going with this: my bike lets me go fast, and I therefore ride it everywhere I go. But it’s not just about being able to get from here to there faster than I can run. You see, I also love Pokémon battles. And, well, I’ve kinda had this idea about combining the two. Imagine this: two trainers fighting a Pokémon battle while racing on bicycles. Or, better yet, motorcycles. That’s right: Pokémon battles on motorcycles. Gets my blood pumping just thinking about it.

The other thing I have—well, “thing” isn’t quite the right word for a flesh-and-blood creature—is my starter Pokémon: Blitzle. Now, from what I’ve told you so far, you shouldn’t be too surprised that I would be associated with this particular Pokémon. Especially if you actually know something about Blitzle. After all, it’s fast as well. This should come as no surprise—it is an Electric-type Pokémon, and electricity and speed go hand-in-hand. I mean, there’s a reason why…

Oh, have I been babbling? Sorry. I guess I just kinda got lost in my own exposition. I mean, you don’t wanna just read about how I feel about going fast, do you? You wanna actually see me do it. You want the exciting battling stuff, right? Well, okeydokey then. You want action, I’ll give you action.


So as I was saying, today’s the day I start my journey. I’ve got my bike, I’ve got my Blitzle, I’ve got the wind at my back—I’d say I’m good to go!

Speaking of going, there’s still that one thing that any good prepubescent trainer needs to do before going on a road trip that could last several months, or even years: saying good-bye to Mama. After all, any good mother will be worrying about her little baby, and wondering if anything bad will happen during said journey, and wanting to say “I love you so much!” or something to that effect. Although…do I really have to put that part in? After all, it does tend to be really sappy and embarrassing, and I think I’ve established that we don’t want sappy stuff. We want fast-paced action stuff. Therefore, to our mutual benefit, I’m going to pull a narrative fast-forward (there’s that “fast” stuff again) and get to us just a little way into our first day.

So there I am, just cruising along on my bike, with my Blitzle running by my side. Now, as I’ve already said, Blitzle is known for being a fast runner. That’s something you can read about anywhere, be it in a book or on the internet. Of course, as anyone can tell you, reading about something is far different than seeing it for yourself. And now that this electric equestrian is right next to me, I’ve got a good chance to see that speed first-hand.

So I issue the challenge: “Hey, Blitzle! Feel like racing to the next town?”

Blitzle looks at me and gives an excited-sounding whinny. Now, I may not have a Babel fish in my ear, but I know a “Hell, yeah!” when I hear one, no matter what language it’s in.

“Okay, then,” I respond, “let’s go as fast as we can on ‘three.’” Now, you may point out that we’re already in motion, but that’s not too big a deal. Lots of races start with the racers moving at a steady pace before the green flag comes out and they floor the gas. Well, just imagine a green flag as I say, “One…two…three!”

And we’re off!

Admittedly, the fact that I’m the one giving the starting signal gives me a slight advantage in that first second of our impromptu race, but it doesn’t last. Blitzle quickly puts that electricity in his system to good use, and within seconds he’s caught up to me. Now, I’m not gonna let him get the better of me this easy, especially so soon into our journey, so I’m pumping the pedals as fast as my legs can move. A few seconds later, it’s a dead heat between me and Blitzle.

Now, you may be thinking that there’s nothing going through my head but the adrenaline rush associated with high velocity. That’s forgivable, based on what I’ve talked about so far, but there’s actually more on my mind besides that. You see, as cool as my Blitzle is, he’s still just one Pokémon, and one Pokémon does not a team make. I know I’m gonna need to catch another one, and the sooner I do, the better.

The question, of course is—what should I catch first?

One of the lessons that anyone will tell you about teamwork is that teammates should be able to cover for each other. This means that if someone on the team has a noticeable weakness, another team member should be equipped to deal with that. Looking at Blitzle, for example, there’s one glaring weakness: Ground. Electric-types like Blitzle are weak against Ground-type attacks. (In fact, it’s their only type weakness.) So, with that in mind, I’m gonna need something that can deal with Ground. Something that can rise above that threat—and the answer hits me:

I need a Flying-type.


When you think about it, a Flying-type Pokémon would make perfect sense for a guy like me. After all, I’ve already gone on several times about how much I like things that go fast. Well, one thing that anyone can tell you is that things that fly can go much faster than things on the ground. Animals, for example. The fastest land-based Pokémon might be able to hit a hundred miles per hour, but ones that can fly easily put that to shame, especially the ones said to be able to fly faster than sound. Speaking of, let’s draw another speed comparison, but this one involving man-made vehicles. The fastest cars might be able to hit Mach 1, given plenty of space and favorable conditions. (In fact, there are those who build cars specifically for that purpose, and frequently try to get into the record books. I envy them.) On the other hand, plenty of airplanes can hit Mach 2 or even 3. And that’s not even getting into the Space Shuttle.

There’s more to it. Remember who I was talking earlier about the idea of fighting Pokémon battles on bicycles, or motorcycles? Well, obviously you’d need to use Pokémon that can keep up with you, and as I’ve explained, those who can fly (not all of whom are technically Flying-types) would be perfect.

Fortunately, fliers tend to be fairly common, and many of them even hang out in flocks or swarms. Shouldn’t be too hard to find a good one, right?


So these are the thoughts chasing around in my head as Blitzle and I race down the road. Not quite Mach 2 with my hair on fire, but close enough for now. (As a side note, having your hair on fire is inadvisable at any speed.) I’m both pedaling at Ludicrous Speed and wondering which Pokémon I’ll come across first as we ascend a small hill; once we’re over the crest, I can see what’s on the other side: a grassy meadow, bisected by the path and filled with what look like strange red things.

I, of course, wonder what they could be. Might they be some kind of Pokémon?

As Blitzle and I get closer, I get my answer. Without warning (perhaps having been disturbed by our very close ride-by), all those red things burst out of the grass, and next thing I know, we’re caught in a swarm of…of…well, when you’re surrounded by lots of small things at extreme close range, it can be hard to tell what exactly you’re dealing with. Especially when you’re struggling to not lose control of your bike. Fortunately, these things aren’t actually attacking. As they start flying away, I finally get a good look at what I’ve stirred up, and what I see are red insectoid Pokémon with translucent wings.

They’re Yanma.

Now this is what I’m talking about. Yanma can fly (as if you haven’t already figured that out), and they have an ability that makes them fly faster as the battle goes on. At this point, I’ve made up my mind: I’m gonna catch me a Yanma.

Of course, I only need one, and I’ve got a whole bunch to choose from. And with them all flying in different directions, the easiest way to do this is to go after anything that's still ahead of me. Within seconds, I’ve singled one out. “That one, Blitzle!” I alert my partner, putting the race on hold while we get down to business. “Let’s get it!”

Blitzle whinnies in acknowledgement, and the battle is on!


Remember how I said that a Flying Pokémon would be very useful to me? Well, that’s only once I’ve actually caught the damn thing. Before then, its ability to fly makes it trickier to pursue and catch than a land-based Pokémon, and not just because of the aforementioned speed factor. Anything that can fly isn’t so hampered by terrain. In my situation, for example, I’m pretty much confined to the bike path; the tall grass to either side makes straying pretty much impossible. The Yanma I'm chasing, however, can easily turn to the left or the right and make a getaway. This means that we have to slow it down right away.

This brings me to an interesting facet of electricity in general, and Electric Pokémon in particular: they may be good at moving very fast, but they’re also good at slowing things down. And I know exactly how to slow that Yanma down.

“Blitzle,” I order, “use Thunder Wave!”

Blitzle immediately complies, firing a burst of electricity at the Yanma I’ve singled out. The aim is dead-on. In seconds, the shock to Yanma’s system yields results: its flying speed goes way down, so much that I have to hit the brakes rather than overshoot my target. Yanma’s reeling from the initial hit, and I know that the best thing is an immediate follow-up.

“Now use Flame Charge!”

Now, I know that Blitzle’s an Electric Pokémon, but that doesn’t mean he’s restricted to Electric attacks. Once I’ve given the command, his body envelops itself in flames, and he shoots forward towards Yanma. It’s a direct hit, and the Bug Pokémon hits the dirt.

I immediately brake, coming to a stop just feet away from the fallen Yanma. “Good work, Blitzle!” I exclaim as I reach into my pocket. Now that it’s been weakened, there’s one more thing for me to do, and it’s the very reason for battling Yanma. I pull out a Poké Ball, press the button on the front that makes it grow from the size of a golf ball to that of a baseball, and throw it at Yanma. “Poké Ball, go!”

My aim is as good a Blitzle’s. The ball hits Yanma, and in a flash of red light, the Bug disappears into the ball.

But it’s not over yet. Inside the ball, Yanma is still fighting, and as it does, the ball shakes. My heart is racing as I wait for the outcome. Will the capture succeed, or will Yanma escape?

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

I'll claim this since you're waiting for so long.

 

Thanks. It's been almost a month to the day, and I was about to start squawking.

 

Gracious!

Your grade will be here in a minute. I'm sorry for the awful wait!

 

@DracoMan;

Introduction:

Overall, I like your opening paragraphs! We've got a lot of smooth characterization going on that follows the quirky narrator's stream of consciousness. That continues well into the story and it's filled with kinks and quirks and real life references to pop culture that make it very easy to like your main! The whole "I just started my journey" is a bit cliched, but honestly, it's really quite fine for a first story. You had an endearing beginning here with details that I really enjoyed, such as the interaction with the mother. XD

Plot:

So I want to open up here with the way you told the story and then follow into the story itself. There's a few advantages and disadvantages to having the narrator talk to the audience. It's a lot easier to connect to the main character and the reader is more engaged because you're directly talking to him or her, as if it was a real conversation. On the other side, however, isn't his talking in the story a little contradictory for a guy who's all about speed? He says, "I mean, you don't wanna just read about how I feel..." IF so, think about why he's telling the story in this way. This style of story telling could potentially make narration a little awkward in later segments by taking away from the present to explain his stream of consciousness.

For future stories, I'd suggest thinking a little bit more about why you're telling the story in a certain style. This was a chill story that focused more on the main character's exciting thoughts of his first adventure, so it worked perfectly fine here and made sense to introspect on the events of his first day. For later stories, think about the kind of action you want, and the best way to tell it. If you're going to keep on with this style, think about how much you're going to explain from the main character's thoughts. Feel free to moderate as necessary when the real action starts popping up!

Now for the story itself: I loved it! This is a precious first day of an adventure narrated from a funny narrator. For higher ranks, the capture target Pokemon itself should never just appear, ready to be battled and captured, so think about how you can vary the plot up next time. The battle sequence was fine, but I'd suggest to make it a lot more two-sided. This makes it more exciting for readers to follow, and perhaps more exciting for you to write, as well.

Description:

Introspective details are good, but the story was lacking a little in terms of physical details. We especially need detail for characters: the more important they are, the more attention to detail they should receive in the story. Your one sentence for Yanma was good, we could have used more, but in general the main character should be receiving 2-3 sentences of description. You can either write it all at once or disperse it
- either way, we're going to need to know what he looks like eventually.

I'd also suggest playing around with detail for the physical environment. How does it feel to go fast? How does the environment start changing to the main character? I think it's easiest to practice details during battles because you can slip them in easier. For example, add in a line about what it looks like for Yanma to slow down or to "reel" after it's been attacked. The more comfortable you get with details, the more you'll be able to intersperse them throughout your story.

Grammar:

Your grammar's excellent! You've even got a few stylistic nuances going on - for example, I loved what you were doing with dash marks, parenthesis, and ellipsis in this piece. All the dash marks read like the story itself was rushing in the same way Rush was. Yet at the same time, the parenthesis and ellipsis slow the story down just as the main character's narration sometimes does - it's a contradictory, quirky thing, and I liked that a lot!

One little note: a really good grader told me that there should be a space after each set of ellipsis. Minor thing here, but you have so few errors that I thought it may be helpful to know.

Outcome:

YANMA CAPTURED! Great job at your first story! I'm so sorry you had to wait so long - if you ever have to wait more than a week, please post your story in the Story thread that's stickied in this section. If somebody still doesn't get to it, directly PM/VM/mention me and I'll grab it for you!

Hope to see you more in this section!

 

Finally. I didn't even know about the Story thread you mentioned, but I hope it might help. I don't wanna wait another two months for a grade.

And as for the ellipsis thing--MS Word should automatically space the things out when they're typed together. At least, they have when I've previously used them.

What exactly do you mean by that? Is there some way I should intro the Pokémon?

 

If you wait longer than a week, you have all the right to post your story here to get it to a grader's attention. I see that you did that, which is awesome! Grader activity has declined over the past few months, but it should definitely return with a force as graders get off school or work for the holidays. Don't let that discourage you, though - keep writing as many stories as you wish!

Ah, sometimes there can be errors copying things over. As graders, it's our job to improve your writing and increase your love for writing - if you know that it was supposed to be spaced out, that's fine too! As long as you know.

You asked such a great question! Start off small: the most basic plotline is the typical, "Trainer ventures into the forest and finds a ___, battles it, and then captures it" which is fine for a starting story! But typically, the more you write, the more you want to vary from that basic plot line. From my experience, from a medium-ranked capture onward, the target Pokemon should never just "appear" for the trainer to fight it and capture it. Think about new ideas and concepts to play with. Think about the Pokemon itself and how it could be crucial to a plotline.

How do you think of ideas? That's a great question, too. My suggestion would be to, foremost, read as many URPG stories as you can! See what other people have done, how they implemented their target Pokemon into a greater plot, and developed their own original ideas. This excellent guide can help a bit! Read and write everything, and enjoy! The more fun you're having, the more creative you'll be.

And it's fun to talk to other authors about the stories they're writing too. We are each other's greatest inspiration I think, so talk to others, and get excited!