Chapter 5: Ryuu no Tamashii [Su/Mo event]

Link to last chapter

Chapter 5 – Ryuu no Tamashii​

A gentle breeze swept the young man’s sapphire-coloured hair and caused his white scarf to lift slightly from his shoulders, waving about at the mercy of the evening’s wind. The air had a pleasant warmth to it, but of an unnatural sort.

If I closed my eyes, it would feel heavenly… this hell of war.

From the top of Gouka's Peak, a man watched in silence as Ryuuga Town burned. And on that day, he had to make a choice yet again… how many times would he have to hold that sphere, until the outcome was to his liking?

Life was easier before, back when I met old Jijiron. Feels like a hundred years ago… as if Time meant anything anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~​

It was the beginning of April, and the world-famous cherry tree fields of the aptly-named Sakura Route were in full bloom. The long, wide road which connected the oldest settlement in Saigo, Monogatari Village, to the larger, more populous town of Ryuuga pierced through a sea of white and pink, and the blue-haired youngster who now crossed it for the first time couldn’t help but slow his pace and gaze around in wonder.

How can a something so beautiful serve as prelude to such a disaster?...

​

Yudou Mori, fifteen-year-old Monogatari native, had just left the timeless village the day before. The tearful goodbyes, the words of encouragement and, most of all, the elder’s request were all still fresh as morning dew in his mind.

“That gift of yours, you should not keep it to yourself. That is a sin in the eyes of Arceus,” the old man had said, solemnly but quietly so that only he could hear. “Our neighbouring settlements continue to need the aid of the Ryuu no Tamashii, as they have for centuries. Now, it is your turn to embark on that journey. We will be praying for you.”

He kept going at a slow, melancholic pace, twirling a small Poké Ball in his fingers, pensively looking at the device. Inside was a creature he didn’t want to summon, a beast given to him by the village elder, who had belonged to the two last Ryuu no Tamashii. A Gyarados, known for its extreme ferocity, but unfailingly obedient to each reincarnation of Saigo’s Dragon Soul, they said…

I never asked for any of this. All I wanted was to travel the world, see its sights and hear its music, all kinds of it… But I was born with these eyes, and everyone said that made me this era’s Ryuu no Tamashii. That I had to live as such, in the service of Saigo, because that was the destiny Arceus had traced for me.

Yudou was a healthy youngster, tall for his age and forcefully wise beyond his years. He was born of the union between a famous Trainer from Tenbito City, Kojiro Mori, and a humble Berry Farmer from Ryuuga Town, Rin Tezuka. The couple had moved to the peaceful and isolated Monogatari Village one year prior to Yudou’s birth, and had started their lives anew; Kojiro resigned from the professional circuit and learned his wife’s trade, and together they created the closest thing to a Pokémon Center in the historical settlement, providing healing to the villagers’ Pokémon with a variety of home-grown berry concoctions. Yudou grew up in this environment, surrounded by Pokémon and raised in the village’s traditions. He inherited his mother’s sapphire hair, but his eye colour matched neither of his progenitors’ – the right one was a silver-like gray, and the left one a beautiful golden tone. And that, the elder had said, was a “blessing to Saigo”.

Nevermind that it was a curse to me.

Since times immemorial, Saigo had been home to a special human being, a man or woman with a different soul, capable of communing and bonding with the most violent and feral of creatures: dragons. These beasts had roamed Saigo for as long as one could remember, and the coexistence with humans was not always peaceful. Supremely powerful, and often territorial, it was not uncommon for entire villages to be razed in the wake of a dragon’s fury; it was the Ryuu no Tamashii’s duty toward his people to calm and drive away the rampaging beasts in times of turmoil, and this would be Yudou’s first reluctant – unwilling, even – step on that mission. He’d been raised for that purpose; when every other child in the village was allowed to embark on the traditional journey of a Pokémon Trainer, at age ten, Yudou had stayed behind, his own training as the land’s new Dragon Soul still in progress. It would take him five more years until he was deemed ready, and by then, he’d lost touch with all his friends, who’d each gone their separate ways wherever their adventures led them.

While I read history tomes, scrolls on different Dragon languages and memorized PokéDex entries on all manner of draconic Pokémon, they were out there living the same life I’d always craved. Because I was born with these eyes, I could never live for myself, but for everyone else…

Yudou resented the fate he never asked for, as any fifteen-year-old in his position would, but part of him understood that there was some sort of nobility to his gift – and that understanding came from a deeply rooted notion of self-sacrifice and family values imbued into his Saigonese spirit. It was that unusual maturity that allowed him to carry on, even now, bearing the weight of responsibility no child should be forced to withstand on his own.

Old Gorohaki taught me everything he knew, everything they taught him… but he was never a Dragon Soul. He knows nothing of actually looking one of those beasts in the eye and hoping it obeys… There was only so much he, my mother and father could do to help me. They did the best they could, I know that, but I’m all alone now… hoping I’m good enough. More than anything, hoping these eyes aren’t just a coincidence, and that I really have the gift everyone assumes I do…

After a long while of walking – with several deliberate stops mid-way, to pick up some of the prettier cherry blossoms fallen by the wayside here and there, or to watch a pair of nestling Yayakoma atop nearby trees -, Ryuuga Town finally came into view. Ironically, it was named such because of the first settlers of that area, who were said to maintain a symbiotic relationship with the local dragons. Now, it was a town living in fear, under constant attacks by one of those very creatures. Gorohaki had chosen Ryuuga as Yudou’s first destination, the first step in his journey as Ryuu no Tamashii. Time to see if Monogatari’s elder knew what he was doing.

Even before he reached the town gates, the scent of burning wood became noticeable, a stark contrast with the pleasant, sweet fragrances emanated by the blossoming cherry trees of Sakura Route. Ryuuga was a small, inconspicuous settlement located west of the metropolis Tenbito City and its surrounding army compounds, but still larger than Yudou’s hometown by a fair margin. He stopped a few steps before the sign that read “Welcome to Ryuuga Town! Where Man and Dragon are as one!”, his breathing rate much faster and his trembling much more than they should be for someone on whom the safety of entire populations supposedly depended.

Not even the cold metal pressed against his palm brought him an added sense of security. Yes, he was in position of a mighty Pokémon, but one he’d never called out before, and one who could well be just as dangerous as the threats he was expected to ward off. So no, that Gyarados did very little to improve his confidence.

Hah… Gorohaki would be so disappointed if he saw me now. I never allowed myself to show fear in front of the old man, but then again, what was there to be scared of back then? This is… the real thing. And the entire village might think I’m prepared to be some kind of hero, but the truth is…

“Help! For Arceus’ sake, anyone! It’s going to destroy the shrine!”

The distressed voice belonged to a middle aged woman, who came running in his direction. She had tears in her eyes, and was obviously blinded by fear; something was very wrong in Ryuuga if that woman came rushing to the first outsider she could find – even if he was just a fifteen-year-old boy.

“Dear, please! If that is a Poké Ball in your hand, you must be a Trainer! We… we need help! The dragon has returned!”

Gorohaki was right then. This town has been under attack for a while now, this isn’t an isolated event. What did they do to anger it?

One of the Monogatari elder’s first teachings was that dragons, while often aggressive and territorial, did not hold grudges unless they felt wronged in some manner. Sporadic attacks on villages by territorial dragons were not uncommon, but rarely would a dragon repeatedly attack the same settlement… Maybe the people of Ryuuga weren’t just helpless victims in this tale.

“I… hum, yes,” he stammered like a frightened little boy, damn him. “I’ll see what I can do, miss.”

Still in tears, she took him by the hand and forcefully dragged him into town. Soon the drama became apparent – several houses were already on fire, thick black smoke just now beginning to rise and fill the streets of the historical village. Buildings in sprawling cities like Tenbito were naturally made of cement, but it was still commonplace for homes in smaller villages to be made mostly of wood; Saigo was a region heavy with tradition and preservation of old customs, and that went for architecture as well. Which was something Yudou enjoyed greatly, but there was no denying it made for an unfortunate setback in case of dragon attacks. Which was the case.

“The… the shrine is over there. Please, could you fight off the beast before it’s too late?!”

If only she knew that’s what everyone back home said I was born to do…

He turned his dichromatic eyes to the structure the woman pointed towards. At the very centre of the town there was a small building, made of white stone unlike every house in Ryuuga. It was circular in shape, and no larger than a regular home. The walls were unadorned, save for a drawing above the only door – a quadruped blue Pokémon at the centre of a beautiful diamond.

A shrine to Dialga, Dragon God of Time…

His brief moment of contemplation was abruptly cut short when a loud, menacing roar filled the sky and pulled him back to the grim reality that he had a job to do. Looking up, Yudou saw it: the creature responsible for Ryuuga’s torment.

It had a serpentine body, its skin was a pasty green tone, and the lower half of its body had a pair of wings which resembled clouds. Its unique anatomy left Yudou with no doubts as to the beast’s species: a Jijiron. Famous for its angry outbursts against any who would harm children, this particular kind of dragon was otherwise known for its affection towards humans, which made it all the more inexplicable why it would repeatedly come down from its lair to lay waste to a human settlement.

The Jijiron circled the shrine from above, casting its shadow over the people below who ran about frantically. None dared oppose the creature, or perhaps they all lacked the means to do so… None of this made sense to Yudou: if the villagers weren’t even fighting back, if they lacked any methods with which to harm the dragon, why would it descend upon Ryuuga to destroy it?

“Stand back boy, you’ll get hurt,” growled someone behind him.

“R-Ryota-sama!” The crying woman seemed relieved to see this man, and perhaps she had good reason to. Probably in his forties, with an imposing physical build, short black hair and trimmed beard, the man called Ryota had a determined look in his eyes, but Yudou noticed he, too, carried no Poké Balls with him. “Mayor, what can we do? That beast will…”

“Calm down! We have already sent word to Tenbito, they should be deploying a regiment to aid us. We have to hold out for as long as we can!”

As if understanding them, the Jijiron suddenly stopped circling the shrine and landed on the ceiling, staring down at the few humans who did not flee. Its eyes were locked on the Mayor’s, who stared right back at the dragon with admirable courage…

But he is just as powerless as the rest. The mayor may have heart, but no means with which to protect his people. And now the Army…

That would only antagonize Jijiron further. At the mere sight of armed humans, a dragon in such a state of fury would not hesitate to kill… and there was no guarantee the men sent by Tenbito would even be equipped to handle a creature like that. He had to do something…

“Excuse me, Ryota-sama? If I may…” Where was he getting this sudden rush of courage from? “Let me try. Maybe I… maybe I can do something to help.”

The stern-looking man kept his gaze on Jijiron, but heard the young Monogatari-native just fine. Yudou saw his right fist clenching in despair, and the Mayor sighed.

“It’s your funeral, boy. But I’m all out of choices… Do whatever you want.”

It wasn’t until Yudou turned his attention back to the shrine, and the Jijiron perched on top of it, that he realized the dragon was no longer staring at Ryota… but straight at him.

Those eyes. Could it be?...

The deep, grovelling voice resounded in his head, but nobody spoke. Yudou took a step back in shock, struggling to understand what was happening. Because somehow, despite not having heard it once before, something inside him told him that the one talking… was Jijiron.

“It’s roaring again... Everyone, take cover!”

“No… no, stop,” said Yudou, moved by some strange, newfound confidence. “It won’t attack anymore.”

Boldly, foolishly, he stepped forward towards the shrine. Jijiron followed him with its eyes, but when Mayor Ryota made a move to follow Yudou, the dragon shouted so loudly the man froze in his tracks. Yudou, however, kept moving.

I want to run. I want to leave this accursed village, go back to Monogatari or just… keep walking somewhere, anywhere but here. I’ve never been so scared, and yet, part of me wants to move closer to Jijiron, to understand it… what on earth is wrong with me?!

He hadn’t noticed it, but at some point his hand had moved to reattach Gyarados’s Poké Ball to his belt. There would come the time when he’d be forced to call upon the leviathan, but that wasn’t the way to settle this matter. Not until he knew what was really going on.

“Jijiron!” called Yudou, louder than he’d ever spoken. He was a quiet, reserved boy by nature, a beholder and listener more than anything. All the more reason why he hated the weight he carried. “I am Yudou Mori. I don’t mean any harm; I couldn’t harm you, even if I tried. I’m only a human, as powerless as any other. If we have wronged you in any way…”

Those were the words Gorohaki had taught him, the way any Dragon Soul should approach an enraged beast. Dragons were proud, and wholly aware of their superiority over humans; to contradict that belief would only serve to further anger the beast. But as he prepared to continue his rehearsed speech, the same voice from before boomed again.

”Ryuu no Tamashii… You are reborn. The peacekeeper… were you sent to “appease” me?”

Yudou was staggered. This was not how he’d imagined an “angry dragon” to behave at all… he didn’t even know he could understand them as well as he did. Was it thanks to Gorohaki’s scrolls or… something else?

”There is kindness to your eyes. Innocence, humility. Something I hadn’t seen from a Dragon Soul in a very long time. Your arrival changes much… Meet me in my lair, cursed child. I wish to speak to you.”

With that, Jijiron took flight once more, but instead of continuing its path of destruction, the elder dragon gained height and turned around, flying away from Ryuuga and towards the nearby mountain – Gouka’s Peak.

“What… what just happened?” growled Ryota in disbelief. “You spoke to that thing? Wh-who are you?!”

“So you couldn’t understand it… Gorohaki was right then,” Yudou whispered to himself before raising his voice. “I am Yudou, from the village of Monogatari. I… people say I’m the new Ryuu no Tamashii. That was why I could understand that Jijiron.”

Just then, a bald old man in white and blue robes approached them. A priest, judging by the garments.

“People are right,” he said in a trembling, frail voice. “Those are the eyes of a Dragon Soul. That the dragon could speak to you is further testament of that. I am in charge of the Shrine of Dialga, which you just saved. My gratitude, Yudou-sama.”

The honorific used by the priest, coupled with the way he bowed, left Yudou thoroughly uncomfortable. But he could take solace in the fact that Jijiron had, in fact, been driven away, and there was no denying that it had been his doing – however little he had actually done.

“I don’t think the dragon will return so soon. But I do need to meet it to be certain…” Yudou revealed part of the truth. Jijiron did want to speak to him, but there was more to it – the cause for the dragon’s attacks remained unexplained, and Yudou retained the feeling that these villagers could be to blame, despite their apparent helplessness. “Please, could any of you point me to Gouka’s Peak?”

~~~~~~~~~~​

Leaving the town behind felt like a blessing. Everyone’s eyes had been on him after the dragon had left, the scent of burning and the incessant crying of homeless families were too much for him to bear, and the farthest he ran from all that scenery, the quicker he could allow himself to forget what would be expected of him for as long as he lived. Because now, he’d taken his first step as the Dragon Soul, and word always spread like wildfire upon news like those.

The path towards Gouka’s Peak was mercifully straightforward, steep and unwelcoming as it was – a dry, lifeless road of dirt and rock which ascended up the mountain, in clear contrast with the bloom-covered Sakura Road he’d just traversed that morning. Gouka’s Peak was far from the tallest mountain in Saigo, but it was the highest point in the vicinity of either Ryuuga or Tenbito, and as such the only reasonable place where Jijiron would make its lair. And after three hours of lonely walking, when his legs started to hurt and his mouth began to dry, his suspicions were thankfully confirmed.

”Yudou Mori, Ryuu no Tamashii.”

The voice was the same from before, deep, echoing and silent all at the same time. The words were clear in his mind, but all his ears heard was a loud roar coming from higher up. At the very peak of the mountain, to be precise.

His knees were trembling from the strenuous climbing, the muscles on his legs spasming repeatedly and hurting all over; his heart was pumping three times as fast as normal, both from the exertion and the lingering fear that Jijiron would, after all that, turn hostile. But none of that stopped the young man from following the dragon’s voice, and eventually, he reached his destination.
Jijiron, the same from before no doubt, rested atop Gouka’s Peak, a plateau covered in a special kind of grass: a delicate species of herb with six tiny, pointy protrusions at the tip which resembled a small star. That was, no doubt, eldwort, a plant with highly-valued medicinal properties which only grew in some peaks of Saigo.

”Thank you for coming, child.”

Yudou wasn’t sure what to say. This was the same dragon responsible for laying waste to an entire village… and here it was, displaying gratitude towards him.

“I… I came to know what happened. Why you turned hostile.”

”Hence why you are different from the Souls that came before you. You crave more than the glory which comes with your gift. Look around you, child. This is my home.” uttered the dragon, moving its head to encompass the entire perimeter of the narrow peak. ”I crave no gold, jewels or any other trinkets humans deem valuable. But this eldwort is all I have, and the reason for my continued existence. It gives me health and restores my vigour… but it does the same for Man. The villagers of Ryuuga, they sought to steal this from me, the only thing I own. They have sent numerous parties to pick as much eldwort as they could grab while I left the Peak to search for nourishment… ”

Yudou nodded. He was right, after all, to assume the men and women of the village were in part to blame. Jijiron likely would have parted with some eldwort, had they only asked.

“I understand now. But must all of them pay for the crimes of a few?” The way Jijiron listened intently, with no trace of menace whatsoever, emboldened the youngster. “The mayor, the priest of Dialga’s shrine… they could die in the flames of your fury, but how can you know they were responsible for plundering your eldwort? Jijiron, I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but…”

”Oh, they all know. They may not be the thieves, but no order was ever issued to stay away from Gouka’s Peak. So I made them pay, and would continue to do so until they understood… but now, you came. That changes much.”

It was the second time Yudou’d heard Jijiron say it, and it still made no sense. The dragon, however, seemed to catch the teenager’s confusion.

”Yudou Mori, you are more than just a Dragon Soul. You are this generation’s Soul, one whose fate goes far beyond building a bridge between your species and ours.” The dragon rose, approached Yudou slowly like an aging giant, then lowered its head to the height of the youngster’s torso. ”Humans will wage war soon, a conflict involving not just their kind, but Pokémon as well. You will play a central role in this tale, this much we were told by our Gods. And I would be honoured to witness it all by your side, child. No… Ryuu no Tamashii.”

“Wh-what are you talking about? Jijiron, what about your home, your eldwort?” This was nothing like Gorohaki had told him things were supposed to go. The Ryuu no Tamashii could bend the will of dragons, fight them and tame them like no other man alive. But he’d never heard of dragons asking to join the Soul without a fight! He looked around, frightened andconfused, his Saigonese composure overwhelmed by a rush of childish fear; there was nobody there to advise him now, no village elder, no mother and no father. “I don’t understand any of this… I don’t even know what being the Dragon Soul means!”

”Calm down, Yudou. It will all be apparent soon.” Jijiron’s silent voice was comforting, a warm fire in a world of ice, fear and confusion. All Yudou had ever wanted was to live a normal life; now, not only was he tasked with serving as the region’s Dragon Soul, he would also be forced to play a part in some impending war. He wanted to cry, but crying wasn’t something people of Saigo did. And so, he fought back the tears yet again, and moved closer to Jijiron. ”Yudou, I will be here to guide you as best I can, because such is Dialga’s, Palkia’s and Giratina’s will… and my own.”

At a loss for words, Yudou placed a hand on Jijiron’s head and both remained in silence for a long time, until night fell on Gouka’s Peak. The Monogatari-native wouldn’t understand Jijiron’s words until much later, at a time when his accomplishments as Dragon Soul were already widespread and his name was known throughout all of Saigo. At a time when fate brought Yudou back to Ryuuga Town, and the Shrine of Dialga - an event that would mark the greatest turning point in the war between Heiml and Saigo but which would go unnoticed for most of the conflict.

~~~~~~~~~~~

That was over five years ago.

The Champion of Saigo patted his Sazandora on the head affectionately, waiting for the hydra to fall asleep in the back garden before going back inside. Saigonese winters, while nowhere near as harsh as Heiml’s, were still colder than he’d like. He would occasionally blame it on the dragon’s fire that was said to run in his veins, although he wasn’t entirely sure he believed any of that to begin with. Indeed, he’d come accept and embrace his gift for what it was, although it had taken him a long while to do so; but it never failed to amaze him just how many god-like properties the common folk were quick to award him… To them, the Ryuu no Tamashii seemed to be some divine being walking the earth. He no longer tried to reason with them… let them believe whatever they wanted. So long as they left him in peace, that was all he asked.

He’d just finished pouring some tea in his mug, when someone knocked on his door. He peered over his shoulder to find the uninvited guest had already welcomed himself inside: a crimson-haired man accompanied by a strange being with mismatched talons and a wooden helmet.

“Pardon the intrusion, Champion Yudou,” the stranger said softly, while bowing in a show of respect. “There is much I would like to discuss with you, and I absolutely can’t take no for an answer.”


---------


((There you go, Yudou's introduction to the plot. This is far from the best stuff I've written, in my personal opinion, but I only realized this event was still valid this weekend yesterday so I had to rush this in a couple of hours! :/ I'm not particularly proud of this one, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't incorporate the great advice graders have been giving me, but I kinda wanted to write something less elaborate for the simple sake of catching a Pokémon for a change. Hopefully it's not too much of a letdown.

As it is, I'm trying to capture Drampa {reduced}.
If it gets approved, awesome! If not, no harm done, at least it served to move the plot forward a little, and introduce a very important character that will be featured, and further fleshed out, in several future chapters.
Cheers!))

 

claim ^^

 

Introduction:

There are many elements of this introduction I'd like to reflect upon. First of all, AMAZING job with that sprite that you made of Yudou! I 100% love the creativity /skill that demonstrated as well as the unique visual flair given to the introduction of his character.

That being said, I can't say how entirely sure how effective the introduction as a whole was. On the first read through, I was convinced that you would answer my questions of why he was there on the peak a second time by the end of the story. We don't quite get that piece of plot, and even on the second read-through I'm still not sure what relevance the introduction even has to the conclusion. The only connection I made was that Jijiron was present in both tidbits, but the other plot bits were totally lost on me.

Now, I understand that this is a continuation of an epic story you have going! People have different protocol for how to go about posting the consecutive chapters of a story as a stand-alone for each chapter. Some will say you need to merely link the reader to the previous work you wrote. I'm of the camp that believes that you should still intersperse just a tidbit of recap detail throughout the beginning to catch new and old readers up on what's happening. If this is a thirty-minute episode, for example, I'm not saying it even needs to be a two-minute long recap; just ten seconds of "this is the world, this is what happened previously, and now ahaa!" Of course, this is just my personal preference! Objectively, it's not fun to not know what's going on at the beginning and ending here, but the middle of the story was definitely enough to stand on its own as a plot piece.

Story:

What redeems Yudou? On the first-read through of the story, he seems to me like a bit of an overpowered character. Arceus traced this fate for him, he had the special eyes, he's the chosen one, he has "god-like properties the common folk were quick to award him." When these sort of superpowered traits are given to characters, especially the main one, it's easy to lose interest in them because we know they're going to topple anything that comes their way. Or in another way of saying, they can end up a little on the cliche side. To counter this, we need really stakes in the story in order to challenge that character to their fullest potential. It's not exactly that Yudou is a bit OP that's the contension here; he's powerful because he fits the chosen one in the Ryuu lore and that's awesome. The contension is that nothing really challenges him or moves him to become something stronger than he is, even in this single installation of the story. For this to stand alone on its own, Yudou should have to overcome something, learn something, convince us as the audience that he won on some emotional or physical or adventurous quest of sorts.

For example, I wish Yudou had to work harder in order to prove to Jijiron that he was worth his words. Or that more time and energy was spent on that scene with Jijiron so more emphasis could have happened there. Later, we discover that Jijiron thinks Yudou is different from other dragon souls because he doesn't crave glory, but I didn't quite buy that as a reason for Yudou being the redeemable character. Because there were no stakes involved at that point, the biggest challenge to the story was solved instantly in the middle (ie, the Jijiron terrorizing the town) and the passion in the plot dissipated to a falling action that... kept falling at the end.

As a different grader has stated before for one of your stories, you need to have stakes to keep the story going. You need to have some ever-present conflict, no matter how small or large or what medium, facing your characters. If a longer drawn-out battle with Jijiron wouldn't make sense, because as you write later it wouldn't have been fitting in the situation, then perhaps conflict could have been built up within Yudou himself. His fight for his own identity, thrown into a world where fate has carved a path for his life that he doesn't like, would have added a very exciting side to this story. For example, I wish more was said here:

YES yes yes, these were prime opportunities for characterization and delving into Yudou's persona. I think I've talked about this part enough; but as a transition, I would ask you to consider this: who's speaking in the italics? The non-blue is certainly not an objective, omnipresent narrator, as we hear it say things such as "as powerless as the rest," sympathizing with the mayor's situation. It's certainly a unique way to narrate the story - by having the person with the italics and the otherwise omnipresent narrator. I would suggest thinking about ways that you could use that style in the future, such as having the italics person speak in a pattern of times (ex: when something important is being foreshadowed or being concluded). There's plenty you could do and I'm excited to see what you will do!

On another note that I can't emphasize enough, I really love that you've gone out of your way here to create your own lore and world. The descriptions of Saigo and tradition were honestly so cool, and the whole idea of having the special ability to control dragons is creative and just different enough to add something new to this story ^^ The town names all add something special, as it's clear you've spent time thinking everything out. Very cool!

Description:

There's a special tone in your description that's quite alluring. When you write phrases like "born of the union" and "aptly-named," you're adding a formal flair that's quite beautiful. It definitely fit with the village style you had running and helped the audience place themselves in your world that much quicker. Wonderful job!

Description kinda disappeared somewhere in the middle and towards the end, though, which is also something else a different grader has pointed out in a different installment. It didn't detract from the story too much, and clearly you were under a time pressure, which is a neat learning opportunity. I think going back over through your stories and especially paying attention to the prose in these middle and ending parts would be helpful in future stories' editing stages. You have a wonderful talent for describing locations, and I hope you keep adding details of sensations in future stories as well!


Grammar:

There's a subtle, slightly weird subject error here that's repeated in other places throughout. Because "the village elder" is the last subject of the following phrase, it's as if "who had belonged to the last..." describes the village elder. You want to keep modifiers as close to their subject as possible, especially in the case of appositives. The sentences here could be rewritten as:

This is a small yet important thing about dialogue tags - verbs like "growled," "smirked," "hissed" etc are not acts of speech. You can say "and then this," so and so said in a growl, but the growl itself is not a speech act. This is a small nuance thing.

Finally, keep into consideration that ellipses lose their power quickly. You had quite a few sprinkled throughout this story, which also added to the italics narrator having a bit more presence than I think was wanted. Try to use ellipses only when it'll have the most dramatic effect.

Length:

24k by my count ^^

Outcome:

I'm really glad you wrote this for SuMo. Something special happens when you're under a time crunch - you fall back on what you know without the time to refine the kinks in the writing. You learn very quickly what the positive and negative trends and habits are in your storytelling. For the negative, your writing demonstrates trouble with pacing, setting stakes, and developing description that encapsulates the entirety of the work. Yet you learn the good things, such as your ability to seamlessly continue from the last story and build your own unique world. Despite my criticism of this tale, I strongly value the sheer effort that went into the creativity here as well as the will to finish. The story meets the qualifications for this category, even if it was borderline at times. As such, Drampa Captured. Enjoy. ^^