[Capture] Away on the Mountainside

Pokemon attempting to capture: Durant
Characters: 39,961
Word Count: 7,409

It is cold on the mountain today, so the Durant does not come out.

His Glaceon partner does not mind the cold, of course, for she is thick-coated and does not need the sun to keep warm. She sits at the mouth of the cave, lifting her nose towards the swirling snowy wind.

“Amarie, you should come in out of the cold,” the Durant says. “It’s much warmer in here. I started a fire, and all by myself this time!” Admittedly, starting a fire when you have no hands is difficult, but somehow the Durant has managed it.

Amarie, the Glaceon, turns around with a soft hum, ears twitching. “Amadeus, you worry too much. I’ll be fine. This is where I’m supposed to be.”

“But it’s so cold,” Amadeus presses. “I’m so cold. You’re warm-blooded, aren’t you? Maybe you can come help me warm up.”

The Glaceon sighs, and then gets to her paws, padding over to the Durant. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Settling down beside him, she rests her head on top of his. “I’m here. Am I warm?”

“Not very,” Amadeus laughs. “I thought you would be warmer, honestly. But this is okay.”

They stay pressed up together like this for the rest of the night.

---

The next day, the mountain seems to have calmed. Amadeus wakes up first, and heads towards the mouth of the cave. Amarie continues to sleep, curled up in a little ball by the dying embers of what used to be the fire. Though his sense of smell is less than stellar, he tries anyway, trying to form a picture in his mind of what the mountainside looks like today.

For Amadeus is blind, and relies on Amarie for nearly everything.

He wishes he did not have to rely on his friend for everything he needs. Before Amarie, it was his mother, but after his mother was captured by a trainer…

Amadeus was left alone in this world.

He met Amarie three summers ago, and ever since then she has been his rock. The little Glaceon has been more than good to him, helping him find food and evade trainers. Evading trainers would be easy enough on his own, anyway. His blindness is obvious, and keeps most trainers from coming after him. Amarie, on the other hand…

Many trainers have tried their hand at capturing her, and all have failed. Amarie is quick, smart, and capable.

“Amadeus? What are you doing?”

Amadeus swings his head towards Amarie’s voice. Although he does not know what she looks like, he imagines her to be pretty because of her voice. Much prettier than him, obviously. Though he does not know what he looks like, either, he assumes he is nothing to look twice at.

“Nothing! I was just going to see if anything had dropped by our cave,” Amadeus says, a laugh lacing his voice.

Amarie laughs along with him, her voice like a tinkling bell. “Of course. Well, from what I can see, no one has dropped by. So you can come back in, if you want.”

Amadeus pauses for a moment, his tiny feet sinking into the snow. Then, he turns around.

“Alright. There’s not much else for me to do, anyway.”

---

Most days, Amadeus simply rests. There really is not much else for him to do these days. Amarie goes out infrequently, and without her, he cannot go anywhere either. She really only goes out to find food, but now she has been asking him to stay back in the cave, to make sure he stays safe. Amadeus does not know why. Perhaps she is protecting him from something?

But what?

Today, Amadeus is bored. His six stick-like legs are splayed out beside him, and he clicks his pincers absentmindedly. He wants to go out and do something, but Amarie is not here. She has gone out hunting again, saying she will be back shortly. It has been several hours, and she still has not returned. Perhaps she has gotten lost? No, that could not be. Amarie knows this mountain like the back of her paw.

Shaking his head, Amadeus stands up. He is still cold, but he will have to make do. Amarie might need him now, and he has to help her.

In his world of darkness, he takes a few steps forward, then feels the brightness and warmth of the sun on his back when he steps out of the cave. When he finally crosses the invisible line marking the safe land from the unsafe, he knows.

There is no going back now.

---

It is still cold when Amarie emerges from the den she has crafted. She knows this is not an ideal time to do what she has done, but what can she do? She still feels the icy sting of guilt from having lied to Amadeus, but she fears the truth may hurt him more than a lie. Besides, he shouldn’t come after me, she thinks. He won’t… will he? No, he won’t.

She shakes her head, ears flapping about her head. Then, she pauses, lifting one ear as a voice comes to her.

“Amarie! Amarie!”

Damn it! Amarie stops herself before she can say the curse out loud. That poor little bug had come looking for her! But of course he had. He does not know about her secret.

“I’m coming!” She calls out, racing through the snow towards him. It clumps and catches in her thick fur, but she shakes it out as she walks, approaching the tree from where Amadeus’s voice is coming helplessly.

The little Durant is swinging upside down, his legs clinging to the tree, obviously terrified. His blind eyes are wide with fear, and his voice is full of it. “Please, help me!”

“It’s alright, Amadeus, I’m coming,” Amarie says, jumping onto one of the lower branches. “I’m going to get you down, just stay calm, okay?”

“I – I don’t even know where I am! How am I supposed to stay calm?” Amadeus asks as he swings from the tree. The branch creaks dangerously, and he clings to it tighter. “Just – just don’t let me fall, please!”

“I won’t, just calm down,” Amarie replies, jumping up onto the branch directly below him and studying him carefully. “Alright, listen to me. You’re not far from the next branch. If you let go with some of your legs, you should be able to reach down and touch the next branch. I’ll guide you, okay?”

“O-okay, if you say so,” Amadeus says. Carefully, he removes three of his legs from the branch, reaching them downwards. Amarie guides him, helping him settle his legs onto the branch below him, holding him with her paws and keeping him steady.

“That’s it, you’re doing just fine… now keep yourself steady. You’re almost there...” She coaches Amadeus expertly, helping him down onto the branch, and then the next one, and then the next one. He gains a bit more confidence as they go down, but he does not fully relax until they are back on the snowy ground, at which point he clings to Amarie desperately.

“Oh, thank you Amarie, thank you!” He cries, nuzzling her gently, careful not to accidentally cut her with his pincers. “I don’t know how I would’ve made it down without you!”

“I don’t even know how you managed to come this far without me,” Amarie says. “You know it’s dangerous out here, Amadeus. Especially when it’s so cold. You should be back in the cave, where it’s warm.”

“I know, I know,” Amadeus sighs. “But… you were gone so long, I was afraid something had happened to you! What if you were caught by some trainer, or maybe you were trapped by something else? I… I know I’m blind, and pretty useless, but I wanted to do something to help.” He turns his head down, and Amarie frowns.

“You aren’t useless, Amadeus. Maybe I’d be able to teach you more if I was blind, myself, but I’m sure there are plenty of blind Pokemon who get along just fine.” She leans over and licks his hard, shiny pelt gently. “Besides, you aren’t useless to me. You help me plenty.”

“Really? That’s so nice of you to say.” Amadeus leans against Amarie, then pauses, sniffing at her fur. “Amarie? You smell… different. Did something happen?”

Amarie stiffens, knowing that Amadeus can feel it, and then sighs. “Well… come with me. I have something to show you.” She knows there is no use or reason in keeping it a secret any longer.

---

Carefully, Amarie leads Amadeus back through the snowy woods. Her paws crunch in the snow, but he makes little noise as he shuffles alongside her, wondering where they are going. She stays close to his side, pressed up against his flank and leading him gently this way and that.

“Is it much farther?” Amadeus asks. He looks tired. “I’m not sure how much farther I can walk...”

“No, it’s right here.” Amarie leads him over to a tree stump, and next to it is a large hole where she has carved out a den. “Don’t worry, it’s bigger on the inside. And warmer.”

“What is it?” Amadeus cautiously extends a leg, and when he does not touch the ground, he pulls back. “A hole?”

“A den,” she corrects. “Here, hold on to my tail. I’ll lead you down.”

Amadeus gently grips Amarie’s tail with his pincers, allowing her to lead him down into the den. He catches the sound of soft squeaking, and when she stops, so does he. The scent down here is warm and milky, mixed in with the scent of something new. Something strange.

“These are my children,” she says, guiding his head down towards the three sleeping Eevee kits. “Snow, Frost, and Ice. I’ve never been very good with names.”

At first, Amadeus does not say anything, too shocked to speak. “What – you – you were pregnant? When? How? And you didn’t tell me?”

Amarie looks away, folding her ears against her head and frowning. “I… I was afraid. Of how you would react. I-it was just a one time thing, the father told me I was pretty and he… he said he loved me, but when I found out, he left me high and dry.”

“Did you think I would hate you?” Amadeus asks. “Or that I would leave?”

She nods, before realizing Amadeus can not see her nod, then says “Yes” quietly. “I’m sorry, I should’ve known better. I was just… scared. I thought I could keep the secret, but I guess I couldn’t really.”

“I could never hate you Amarie! You’re my eyes, and above all, you’re my friend,” he says. “I would never leave you over something like this! Not when you need me more than ever now!”

Amarie sniffles. “Amadeus, you don’t have to do anything – ”

“Maybe I don’t have to, but I want to,” Amadeus says. “Besides, you already do so much for me. This is the least I can do for you.”

Amarie sniffles again, and leans into Amadeus. “Thank you, Amadeus. I can’t believe I thought you’d be angry.”

“I’m not angry, but if you had told me earlier, maybe we could’ve thought of better names,” he teases, bumping against Amarie gently.

The two of them stay in the den tonight.

---

Amadeus has a new calling in life.

They move the kits to the cave, where they will be more sheltered and protected. Amadeus does his best to guard them. It is not so hard when they are small, but as they get larger and more mobile, Amadeus needs help occasionally.

Frost is the biggest of the three, and even though they are still small and have yet to even speak, he is quick to assert his dominance over his siblings. Ice is in the middle, and she is more subdued than her brother, preferring to stay close to her mother. Little Snow is the smallest, and Amarie worries about her constantly. Her eyes did not open until a few days after her siblings’, and even now she seems to have trouble moving.

“Amadeus,” Amarie says one day, sounding worried. “I think she might be blind.”

Amadeus is quiet for a while, turning his head towards the noises of the kits scampering around and playing on the ground. “How can you tell?” He finally asks.

“Well… she doesn’t play like the others. She seems to have trouble seeing the walls and objects on the floor, too,” Amarie replies. “She just… doesn’t seem to be thriving. I’m worried about her.”

A loud squeak distracts them, and Amadeus can feel the vibrations of Amarie padding across the floor, picking up one of the kits by the scruff and placing them gently down on the ground. The sound of scuffling and playing soon resumes, and Amarie trots back over to Amadeus, sitting down beside him and sighing.

“Would it be so bad if she was blind?” Amadeus asks. “I mean… she could still live happily. Right?”

“Of course,” Amarie says. “And she’ll have you to teach her how to survive. I’d say you’ve done pretty well for yourself.”

Amadeus smiles.

---

As the kits grow, Snow’s resentment towards her blindness grows as well. It is not just the blindness, either; she is always behind her siblings. They seems to grow at a faster rate than she does, and while they flourish in their environment, little Snow is always stuck behind. She is often forced into staying with Amadeus, whom she absolutely loathes.

Amadeus does not quite understand why Snow hates him so much. She has never said why, only faced him with huffs and growls and snaps to stay away. He is no father figure to her, that he knows for sure. He is more of an uncle, or an older brother. Someone to help teach them, but not a substitute for a real father. Perhaps that is why she resents him?

He makes his way over to the Eevee, identifying her from her scent and the waves of anger radiating off of her. Amarie has taken Frost and Ice out for battle training, but Snow has gotten left behind yet again. Amadeus knows how badly she hates it, how much she resents being blind. Though she can still see fuzzy shapes, it is not enough, and because Amarie feels she cannot adequately train her, she often gets left behind.

Amadeus sits down next to her, settling down on top of his spindly legs. “Hello, Snow,” he says. “What’s the matter?”

“Leave me alone,” Snow grumbles, turning her back to him even though he cannot see it. Amadeus sighs. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Amadeus asks, real worry in his voice.

Snow scoffs. “Yeah. You just sit there all day, accepting it. It’s pathetic.”

“I don’t think I know what you mean.”

“Don’t play dumb!” Snow snaps, jumping to her paws and bristling. “You know what I mean! I’m talking about you being blind! You just sit there and accept it, you don’t try to fight against it, or how Mom treats you!”

“What do you mean by that? Your mother treats me well,” Amadeus says, obviously not understanding. Perhaps he is just dumb, or maybe slow, he thinks.

“No, dummy! She treats you like – like a cripple,” Snow growls. “Like how she treats me. She acts like we’re little helpless babies who couldn’t survive without her!”

Amadeus frowns and clicks his pincers together. “I don’t feel that way.”

“Of course you don’t,” Snow hisses, lashing her tail. “Well, I’ll show you! I’ll show all of them!”

Snow darts out of the cave, and though Amadeus calls out to her, she does not return.

---

Amadeus waits about an hour before he begins to get concerned. This is not the first time Snow has gotten angry and run off; in fact, she has done it many times before. However, she is usually back before too much time passes. Usually she only needs a few minutes to calm down.

He does not know when Amarie will be back, and when she does come back, she will definitely be afraid for her smallest daughter. Amadeus wonders if she would be angry at him for letting her leave, and he makes a decision.

Getting to his feet, Amadeus scuttles towards the mouth of the cave, pushing past a thick layer of snow and out into the open. It is cold, so very cold, but he presses on, grinding his pincers together as he sets off in the direction of Snow’s scent. It is still new, and has yet to be covered by the snow and ice. He uses this fact to his advantage as he goes forward, ignoring the snow that attempts to cling to his body.

He does not think of how Amarie will feel when she finds the cave unoccupied. What will she feel? Relief that her daughter is not alone? Or perhaps fear for the two closest to her, both of whom happen to be blind, and relatively helpless in this kind of situation?

Amadeus tries not to think about that, or of his own helplessness. He wants to be useful, and useful he will be. He will help if it kills him.

---

The wind and snow starts to pick up as Amadeus searches for Snow. He calls her name, but his calls go unanswered. Just as he begins to lose hope, to get that feeling in his chest like someone has tied a rock to him and thrown him in the river, he hears a voice call out.

“S-stay away from me, you bully!”

And then another voice comes to him, filling him with fear.

“Wow, look at that! A shiny Eevee! Let’s catch it!”

Suddenly filled with dread and determination, Amadeus begins to run, as difficult as it is to do in these conditions. “Snow! I’m coming!” He calls out.

He keeps running until her fear-scent clogs his senses, and he skids to a stop, trying to assess the situation in his mind. A human trainer is there, and they sound young. They have another Pokemon with them, but Amadeus cannot tell from the scent alone what it is. He moves closer to Snow’s scent, and then flings himself in front of her, turning to face the scent of the trainer.

“Hey, a Durant? What is that doing here, I don’t want that! I want the Eevee!” The trainer points a finger at Amadeus. “Go, Kennesa! Flamethrower, let’s toast that bug!”

Flamethrower? Judging by the command, and the growls that came from the beast, the Pokemon in front of him had to be a Growlithe. Amadeus’s body tells him to run away from the flames, but he knows if he moves, he will be leaving Snow unprotected, and that is something he will not allow to happen.

“You should get out of the way,” the Growlithe snarls, lowering her head and parting her jaws in preparation for the flamethrower attack. “Unless you wanna get burned.”

“If you want this Eevee, you’ll have to go through me!” Amadeus yells, and then charges blindly at the Growlithe.

There is searing pain, and then silence.

---

Amadeus wakes, finally, after what feels like a few minutes of nothingness. He feels groggy, and his whole body feels like it is on fire. Well, that probably is not too far from the truth. He did get hit head-first with a flamethrower attack.

“A-Amarie?” He asks, smelling the familiar scent when he lifts his head. It feels heavier than usual. “What happened?”

“Oh, Amadeus! Thank Arceus you’re awake,” Amarie says, rushing over to her friend’s side and carefully licking his cheek, avoiding the obvious wounds on his body. His armor managed to block some of it, but not much. “You’re okay, well, at least, you’re going to be.”

“I don’t… what happened to Snow?” Amadeus asks, changing the subject quickly when he remembers his little charge. “Did that human get her?”

“No, she’s right here,” Amarie replies, pointing her muzzle in Snow’s direction, then pausing when she realizes that he cannot see her. “I heard what was going on from the clearing, you two weren’t far. Frost, Ice, and I made our way over there and I managed to fight them off. It was a close call, though.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Amadeus sighs. “I don’t know what I would’ve done with myself if Snow had gotten captured...”

“But you could’ve been killed!” Amarie says. “Of course, I thank you for saving my daughter, but… Amadeus, don’t you know you’re weak against fire-types?”

“Well… I never did learn anything about fighting,” Amadeus murmurs. Amarie exhales sharply and looks away. “But that wasn’t important in the moment, anyway. What mattered was Snow, not me. Even if that human had taken me instead – ”

“That would’ve been no better,” Amarie says before Amadeus can continue. “You’re my best friend, Amadeus. My only friend. Losing you would have been just as bad as losing Snow.”

The sound of cautious shuffling tells Amadeus that someone is approaching. “Um, Amadeus...” Snow says, her voice soft and timid. That is unusual for her. “I, um, just wanted to say… thank you for saving me. I didn’t want that trainer to get me.”

“You’re welcome, Snow,” Amadeus says warmly. “I wasn’t about to give you up without a fight, you know. You and your family mean a lot to me.”

Snow looks away. “A-and, I’m sorry about insulting you before I ran away. I shouldn’t have done that, it was rude of me.”

“You were just saying how you felt,” Amadeus shrugs. “I understand, you don’t like being blind. Sometimes, I don’t like it either, but we live with the hand the universe deals us. Sometimes you feel frustrated, and you wish you could change it. But you can’t change it, not really. Instead, you have to learn to live with it. To overcome it.”

“I just… I hate being treated like I can’t do anything,” Snow says. “Like… like I’m still a helpless kit. I want to do more. I don’t want you to have to save me every time I get in trouble.” She pauses for a moment. “Mom said being a shiny means more humans will want me. So I have to learn how to fight, then.”

“You can’t fight!” Frost pipes up from the corner of the cave. “You can’t even see, how are you supposed to fight?”

“I’ll – I’ll figure out a way!” Snow protests. “Mom promised to teach me, somehow. That way I’ll be strong, and I won’t need others to protect me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having someone to help you from time to time,” Amarie reminds her. “But, you’re right. I’ve been treating both of you like you aren’t capable when you clearly are.”

“It’s fine, Amarie, you know I’m content where I am,” Amadeus says. “It’s Snow you have to worry about, not me.”

The next day, Amarie takes all of her children out to practice, and Amadeus is alone in the cave.

---

Amadeus has to admit, he misses Snow sometimes. As prickly as she has been to him, it was comforting to have someone in the cave with him. Most of her time is taken up by battle training, and what little time she has leftover is usually spent sleeping alongside her brother and sister.

Amarie is proud of her children, and especially proud of how far Snow has come. Despite not knowing anything about having to fight blind, she is teaching them well. Snow can defend herself almost as well as her siblings, if not slightly better. She may be smaller than them, but she can pack a punch when she wants to.

“Do you think I’m being too hard on them?” Amarie asks Amadeus one day after she has finished hunting. She has brought back a small rabbit for the kits, one mouse for herself, and one mouse for Amadeus. “They don’t really have much time to be kits. I’m afraid I’m working them too hard.”

“I don’t think so, they seem to be doing just fine,” Amadeus says. “I can tell when they hug me that they’re getting stronger. They have more muscles, and move faster, too. I think you’re doing well with them.”

“I suppose so,” Amarie sighs. “It’s just… no one ever prepared me for this. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention to my own mother.”

“Well, if it makes any difference, I think you’re doing a fantastic job,” Amadeus reassures her, reaching over to put one of his tiny feet on her paw.

“It does. Thanks, Amadeus.”

---

“C’mon, Snow, you can beat him!”

Snow pants as she struggles back onto her paws, shoulder aching from where Frost pinned her only moments ago. Ice is cheering her sister on from the sidelines, having lost to Frost during their first sparring match, and now apparently wanting to throw her support behind her only sister. Amarie watches her children spar with a careful eye, making sure nothing gets too out of hand.

“Just give up, I’m bigger than you, and I can see,” Frost taunts.

Snow spits. “No way! You’ll have to beat me fair and square!”

They race at each other again, with Snow listening carefully to each step her brother makes. She judges when he is close enough, and then she pounces, soaring over his head and landing squarely on his back. Surprised, Frost falls to the ground with an undignified squeak, struggling as Snow pins him down. After ten seconds, Amarie steps in.

“Good job, Snow! You won,” she says, walking over and giving her daughter a lick on the ear. “I’m very proud of both of you, you’re doing so well! You’re going to be fine young warriors one day.”

Snow puffs her chest out and holds her head up high with pride.

---

Amadeus always worries about that trainer coming back. The months pass, and there is no sign of anyone coming anywhere near their cave, but it still hangs in the back of his mind like an old painting. What if the trainer did come back? What would they do? Frost, Ice, and Snow are more than capable of standing their own at this point, and so is Amarie, and Amadeus doubts a trainer would want a blind Durant. Still, he knows that Snow is a shiny, and trainers covet shinies. What if one catches her off guard?

He decides he will die before he sees this family split up. No trainer could ever understand the bonds between the five Pokemon.

---

A different human comes to the mountain one day.

Amadeus hears him first, surprisingly. The sound of boots crunching far off in the snow alerts him to his presence. Amarie is curled up beside him, still asleep, and the kits are huddled together not far away. It is another cold night, and being close to four warm-bodied creatures is good for him, but he needs to investigate this possible threat.

He scuttles forward to the front of the cave, and then sits, splaying his legs out as he does. Quietly, he waits, as hushed voices reach his ears.

“...my nephew told me about a Durant who stopped him from catching a shiny Eevee up here,” the voice says. “Or, tried to stop him. It was really a Glaceon who kept him from catching it – she must have been the mother.”

“But why would a Durant have anything to do with an Eevee or a Glaceon? And what would a Durant be doing all the way up here? We usually find them farther down the mountain, where it’s warmer,” a second voice says.

Amadeus bristles. These humans obviously know the trainer who came here to capture Snow, but what do they know about him? What do they know about his family?

Well, if they come up here, they’re going to get a piece of me, Amadeus decides, situating himself carefully at the front of the cave so that he still has some protection, but making sure he can still hear outside.

“Hey, look up there! A cave, maybe we can shelter in there.”

“Good idea, Charles.”

Bad idea, Amadeus corrects in his mind as he steps out from the mouth of the cave, no doubt showing himself. The scent of humans overwhelms him almost immediately, and he does his best to hiss threateningly, snipping his pincers together. He still does not know how to fight properly, but that is not going to stop him.

“Hey, a Durant! This must be the one my nephew was talking about,” the male voice says. There is the shuffling of cloth, but then the female voice speaks up again.

“Wait, don’t do anything. If this is the Durant your nephew saw, then that means the Glaceon and Eevee are around here somewhere, too.”

“That’s right… say, do that Durant’s eyes look different to you?”

The two of them go silent for a bit, leaving Amadeus to hiss and continue to click his pincers.

“I think it might be blind. It doesn’t seem to be focusing on us at all.”

“Well, let’s leave it alone then,” the male voice declares. “We won’t have any use for a blind Pokemon, no use at all.”

“Hey, you never know, this Durant could be an incredible fighter! But, you’re right, we’re not after the Durant. We’ll just have to come back later.”

The humans turn around and start walking away, as evidenced by the crunching of snow beneath their boots. Satisfied that he has done his job, Amadeus turns his head just as Amarie bounds up next to him, apparently woken from her slumber.

“Amadeus… what just happened?” She asks cautiously, looking out at the footprints the humans have left behind.

“Humans happened,” Amadeus snorts. “But don’t worry, we’ll be able to take them on. Right?”

Amarie nods, but doubt swims behind her eyes. It is at times like these that she is glad Amadeus cannot see.

---

Amarie gets the kits up early, warning them about what is to come and telling them they need to be ready. They are up without the usual grogginess of kits their age, and it is then that Amadeus and Amarie realize they are no longer truly kits. They have grown into strong, capable young Eevee, and it is something that makes both of them swell with pride.

The humans return when the sun is high in the sky, and Amadeus, Amarie, Frost, Ice, and Snow are all waiting for them.

“There’s the shiny Eevee!” The man exclaims, pointing at Snow. “But – the eyes. This one looks blind, too.”

“It’s still a shiny, and therefore valuable,” the woman says. “I say we go for it. Besides, with corrective surgery, she’ll be good as new.”

Amadeus and Amarie bristle, and the kits all start to growl. They are tense, waiting for the battle to begin.

“Go, Arcanine!”

“Go, Charizard!”

Both fire types… I’m weak against fire, Amadeus thinks. But – Amarie is too, I heard her say so myself. We should get out of here!

“Amarie, we need to fall back,” Amadeus says. “We’re weak against fire, we’ll lose!”

Amarie hesitates, and as she does, someone shouts “Flamethrower!”, and a column of flames envelops her body.

---

Amadeus cannot see the fire, but he can feel it.

“Amarie!” He cries out, racing forward towards his fallen friend. She has been badly burned, and she cries out in pain as he approaches. The kits cry out too, and as they race towards her, Amadeus hears Snow squeal.

“Gotcha, you little runt,” the man’s voice says. It is soon followed by a yelp, and the “thud” of Snow falling back into the pillowy mountain snow. She runs to her mother’s side, and Amadeus crouches over her, nudging her head gently with his.

“Amarie? Amarie, are you alright?”

“You – must fight – Amadeus,” she says, breathing heavy and raspy. Fear causes Amadeus’s limbs to tremble. “Don’t – let them hurt my children!”

“I won’t,” Amadeus says resolutely, turning towards the scent of the humans. He cannot tell what they are thinking, or what they are feeling, but he does not have to. He knows what he must do.

He runs headfirst at the two Fire-types again, but this time instead of taking their flamethrower attacks head on, he jumps to the side, then comes in from the side of the Arcanine and clamps his pincers down around its leg. They snap shut with such force, that Amadeus hears a crack from between his jaws, but still he does not let go.

Now he can hear the kits attacking as well – revenge for their mother – ganging up on the Charizard. Though it is much larger than them, the three of them working together in synchronicity appears to be too much for the Charizard, as it roars with confusion.

Obviously not expecting this, the trainers fumble for their pokeballs to recall their Pokemon. As soon as they do, they disappear down the side of the mountain, running away as fast as they can.

Amadeus carries Amarie’s burned body on his back, trying to be careful not to jostle her or hurt her anymore as he brings her back to the cave. Gently, he sets her down on the ground, and then settles down beside her body to wait.

Waiting is all they can do now.

---

For days, Amarie struggles between life and death. Her life hangs in the balance, a tightrope walker on a thread of spider’s silk. The kits stay gathered around her, and so does Amadeus, save for when he has to go out to find food. It is, admittedly, harder without Amarie to help, but there is nothing they can do about that now.

The good news is, that the trainers do not come back. They must have been successfully scared of, and if Amadeus did break the Arcanine’s leg like he thinks he did, they will not be able to come back for a while.

Good, Amadeus thinks as he sits beside Amarie. And if they do come back, I’ll make them wish they didn’t.

“Amadeus?”

The Durant turns his head upon hearing Frost’s voice, soft and timid. The biggest of the Eevee kits shuffles his paws. “Do you think… do you think Mom’s gonna make it?”

“She will,” Amadeus replies. “She has to. Your mother is the strongest Pokemon I’ve ever met.”

They go quiet after that, lapsing back into silence.

---

Finally, five days after the assault, Amarie wakes.

Amadeus is woken by Ice shaking his shoulder excitedly. “Amadeus! Amadeus wake up, Mom’s awake!”

“Amarie?” Immediately, Amadeus gets to his feet, and rushes towards his friend.

Amarie’s eyes are open, and she has lifted her head up, looking around groggily. “A-Amadeus? Are you alright?” She croaks. Her voice is rough and cracked.

Amadeus turns his head towards one of the kits, which one he is not sure of. “Quickly, get your mother some water. She’s going to need it.”

“B-but… how?” It is Ice’s voice who responds.

“Get a wad of moss from the corner of the cave and soak it in the stream down the hill,” Amadeus replies. “Try not to squeeze it when you bring it back.”

Ice nods, though she knows he cannot see it, and she grabs a wad of moss before running out of the cave. Amadeus listens to her scamper away, before turning back to Amarie.

“I’m fine,” he finally answers her question. “It’s you we should all be worrying about. How do you feel?”

“Frankly? Terrible,” Amarie says. There is a hint of a laugh in her voice, even now. “Like everything is on fire. I feel so… hot.”

“That should come to pass soon,” Amadeus assures her. “When I was burned, it took a few days to return to normal.” But then, he was burned much less severely than Amarie is, and the fear that she might not fully recover hangs ominously in the back of his mind.

Ice finally returns to the cave, holding dripping moss in her jaws. She does not say anything as she walks over to her mother, then leans down to squeeze the water into her mother’s mouth. Amarie laps it up eagerly – she has not drank in days – and the water feels almost magical as it soothes her sore throat.

“Don’t you worry, soon I’ll be back to normal,” Amarie says once she is finished drinking. “Everything will go back to how it was.”

Little do they know, it will not.

---

As if things were not bad enough, Amarie’s wounds become infected. Now Amadeus knows there is nothing they will be able to do; he has no knowledge of healing herbs or medicine. For the first time in a long time, he feels utterly helpless as Amarie’s condition worsens.

He knows he has no other choice.

“I have to go,” he says, standing up and making his way towards the mouth of the cave. “I have to do something to help your mother.”

“Where are you going, Amadeus?” Snow asks, padding over to him. The only other sound in the cave is the sound of Amarie’s shallow breaths, and Amadeus closes his eyes, hoping he will be able to get back in time to save her.

“There’s… a human village down the mountain,” Amadeus says, with much reservation in his voice. “I’m going to go down there and see if I can get a human to come up here and help your mother. I won’t let her die, even if that means I have to give myself to a human.”

“But – but Amadeus!” Snow protests.

“Snow, you have to stay behind and protect your siblings,” Amadeus says firmly. “Whatever you do, don’t come after me. I’m going to make sure no human gets a hold of you or your mother.”

“Amadeus...” Snow whines in defeat, her ears drooping as Amadeus turns towards the mouth of the cave again. “Just… please be careful.”

Amadeus pauses. “I will. Don’t you worry, Snow, when I come back, everything is going to be okay.”

---

He has no idea how he is going to pull this off. As he makes his way down the mountain, Amadeus simply does his best not to fall, and to follow the scent of humans. At first, the scent is very faint, but as he moves farther down, the scent gets stronger and stronger. He gets more and more nervous as he keeps going, but this is for Amarie. He has to keep going, no matter what.

When he finally stumbles into the village, he does not draw much attention. Durant are common down here in this area of the mountain, and many trainers already have one. That coupled with his blindness means that he is not going to have an easy time finding who he needs.

Eventually, Amadeus gets so frustrated that he begins to speak to himself. In fact, he prays.

"Please," he begs to no one in particular. "Please, let someone, anyone, help me."

"I can help you."

Amadeus jumps and whirls around, his blind eyes flickering back and forth uselessly. "Who's there? Who are you?" He can smell a human.

"My name's Dictator. I was just passing through this village, but I heard you talking." The human steps forward, and Amadeus takes a step back. "I know, you're probably weirded out by me. A human who can talk to Pokemon. Pretty odd, right?"

"How – how can you talk to me? How do you know what I'm saying?" Amadeus realizes his legs are trembling.

"I don't really know. I've been able to do it ever since I was little." Dictator pauses, and Amadeus hears their feet shuffle. "But I can help you. In exchange you can give me food and a place to stay for a bit. Does that sound alright?"

Amadeus thinks, clicking his pincers together.

"Alright, come with me. But don't try anything funny."

---

They make their way back up the mountain, with Dictator helping Amadeus along the way as he needs it. The Durant is not used to this and that much is obvious. Dictator either does not notice his discomfort, or simply does not care. He cannot tell with this strange human who can speak to Pokemon.

Dictator is accompanied by a small Sylveon, who does not speak to Amadeus. He is told that her name is Lyra, and from what he knows, Sylveon are an alternate evolution of Eevee, meaning that this Lyra is kin to Amarie and her children. She seems much colder than Amarie though, not even bothering to say hello to the Durant.

"We're getting close to the cave," Amadeus says quietly. He can smell Amarie and the kits from here. "You stay back while I tell the others what's going on. They might attack you if I don't."

"Right." Dictator and Lyra stay back and out of sight as Amadeus goes the rest of the way to the cave. He is greeted by Frost, Ice, and Snow, who look over him with worry.

"Amadeus! What happened? You were gone for a long time, we were starting to get really worried. Did you find someone to help Mom?" Ice asks in a quick rush.

Amadeus nods. "Yes, I did. A human and their Sylveon. They know how to heal and are willing to help us."

"A human?" Snow bristles, and Amadeus can smell the fear-scent coming off of her. "What do they want in return? You – you aren't going to be taken by them, are you?"

"No. All they want is a place to stay and some food," Amadeus says. "And... they can speak to Pokemon. I'm not sure how, but they were able to understand me perfectly. I... have a feeling they don't fit in with the other humans."

"That doesn't mean they're safe," Frost butts in. "I say we get rid of them now!"

"They could be the only chance Amarie has," Amadeus argues. "It's my decision, and I'm going to save your mother, no matter what it takes. If this human decides they want me as payment, I'm willing to give myself up to them."

The three Eevee go quiet, and Amadeus scuttles back outside of the cave and calls for Dictator and Lyra. He hears the crunch of the snow as they approach, then smells them as they walk past and into the cave.

He turns and walks in behind them, settling down next to Amarie as Dictator crouches down next to her. Lyra keeps her distance, hanging near the back of the cave. She still has not said a single word.

Dictator carefully examines Amarie's body, and then takes the bag off of their back and starts to open it up. The Pokemon with sight watch them carefully as they pull out a small vial of golden liquid.

"This is something that'll keep the infection away," Dictator says. "It's really all we can do right now. This will kill any nasty things hiding in her wounds." Carefully, they pour it over the burned patches on Amarie's body. In her unconscious state, all she can do is whimper and whine, but she does not wake.

"There. Now all we can do is wait." Dictator leans back, and Amadeus stays by Amarie's side while the Eevee keep their eyes on Dictator.

---

Dictator sleeps a lot.

Amadeus is not sure why, but he can hear them snoring softly through many hours of the day. Perhaps they are just a very tired human? Either way, they sleep most of the day away, but there is not much else for them to do, if he is being honest. The Sylveon usually stays with them, too, away from the other Pokemon. She does not seem to be the social type.

Dictator does manage to build a fire every night to cook the food brought back for them. It also helps to keep all of the Pokemon warm during the bitterly cold nights. And, every morning, they put more golden liquid on Amarie's body, trying to stave off infection and heal what has already been damaged.

On the fifth day of Dictator being in the cave, Amarie finally wakes.

Shortly after she wakes, Dictator says they are taking Lyra for a walk.

They do not return.

 

Claaaaaaim!

 

INTRO


Right off the bat, you do a good job of setting the tone.

Although a very simple statement, it gives the reader a very clear idea of what the atmosphere of the story may be: a feeling of distance and isolation from the world. You tell the reader that it is cold, and on the mountains. Then add on to this with Durant’s isolation, he does not come out.


This statement could use more detail to help the reader get a better visual.


“The cold of winter was overwhelming on the mountain top today, so the Durant chooses not to come out”


But you don't have to! I’d dare to even say that the simplicity of the sentence makes it even better! Sometimes being blunt does a better than flowery text in relating a message, a feeling or idea across to the reader.


But! In the next paragraph you mention snowy wind! This is fine! But it definitely changed how I imagined the environment on the mountain! To me, and probably many others. Cold states only the temperature. In your description of cold as I came to find out, it was a snowy, winter kind of cold. I imagined a bare desolate cold, like autumn! It isn’t unrealistic whatsoever to go for a snow direction on top of a mountain of course, so just be more clear in your descriptions.


Although the idea of a snowy mountain is brought up in the second paragraph, this did not take away from the opening, as I still think it was super nice. Next time perhaps lead into how it’s cold. Take the extra minute to write some details. How is it cold?


I noticed this as well with Durant in the opening. In the opening the story puts focus on him alone. Then Glaceon appears and gets more of the focus than our little ant buddy! Try to stay focused rather than to jump back and forth!


I know I’m giving mixed messages here. I like the opening sentence but think it doesn’t go well with the rest if the introduction. The best advice here I could give is be much more specific about these things! And make sure to stay a little more consistent. Both of these ideas would work well together!

Okay so. I know that you want it to be a little weird and to make the reader wonder how Durant did make the fire, but using “somehow they managed it” kind of comes off lazy, as if the writer, you in this case, could not come up with a reason that they were able to make a fire.

A good way to take hold of a situation like this is to embrace it.

An example of a way to talk about this could be:

“Against all odds and full of determination, the Durant managed to make a fire with its stubby arms.” Just an example, but hopefully you get the idea. Embracing the situation and making it a little self-aware can sometimes be beneficial!


-

From this statement you imply that there is no sun out. This could be either due to it being nighttime or that the sun is blocked by the cold weather. Either way, I think that maybe giving the reader a better idea of the world written would be good. With so much talk about the weather, I think it would have been good to dedicate more time to this. In reality, all that is really talked about in the intro is the cold, while it seems there is so much more to this as implied by a Durant living in this weather, or the small hints of snow or lack of sun.

At the end of the intro you tell the reader it is night. The order of describing the landscape to the reader feels out of order.

We learn that the mountain is cold, then we explore Amadeus being alone. Then after that Glaceon is revealed! Finally, we have a mention of snow and lack of sun.

How you have the scene setup is fine. The actions that happen are fine! It feels although the reader is receiving bits and pieces of the world though at a time. It’s understandable not to overwhelm them though. The best way I can explain what you did in the story is this way:

A blank canvas

Cold Air
Mountain
A Durant
A Glaceon partner

No need for sun? Cloudy? Night? We know there is no sun, not why there is no sun.
Snow!
Dialogue
It is revealed it is nighttime.

So, you have all of the things here to describe a scene. Just that we seem to get pieces of it at a time. I think a way to make this scene better would be to give all of scenery at once. This would be a good idea so that when the reader sees all of these details, they can understand the scene and every section all at once.


We could avoid the question of sunlight if this was the case, because we would know it was nighttime.

I do like the idea that you hint at these little world details through casual actions, rather than straight up telling the reader. This shows that you have the right idea! You understand the concept of showing and not telling here. BUT I think that putting more time into this would do you wonders.


STORY

This caught my attention right away. I actually love the twist here, it’s really cool! But I can’t help but go back to one of the previous lines:

This explores the idea that Durant has no arms, only legs. But I also think the idea of Amadeus being blind also affects this sentence too. If he was blind, how did he learn to start a fire? Of course, it isn’t possible, but it feels as if you deciding he was starting a fire came BEFORE you decided he was blind. Not even that big of a deal though! Just a small little detail I noticed. Be sure to be consistent!


-

I was a bit taken aback by this. Was it storming the night before? That’s all about this, just wanted to point this out as it seemed to imply more about the intro that wasn’t explored.


-

Another rather short thing! I think you should have spent more time here expressing the anxiety inside of Amadeus. He obviously is worried about Amarie, but the boredom seems to be a much stronger emotion in this scene. You pretty much went “Oh no Amarie could be dead. I’m bored, so I guess i’ll go see.” It gives this disconnected feeling from Amadeus that I don’t think you were intending!


-

I have nothing bad to say here. This was an extremely adorable scene. I loved the energy that each character had throughout it.


-

You cut off the story here and then continue it.

This cut off felt rather pointless since you pick up exactly where it left off. I think a better time to cut it off is when the secret is revealed, rather than Amarie deciding it was time to reveal the secret. Especially because it is the exact same scene.


-


I really liked the concept of Amarie’s arc. I loved that in such a simple way you brought in a fatherly figure into the children’s lives without making a big deal out of it.

This was very moving to me! I loved the small exploration into this. It’s a very human scenario and makes these characters feel so much more real with this exchange of dialogue. It’s obvious that this is a raw feeling, and that shows. Maybe one of the best parts of the story. In my opinion, anyways.


-


Next thing that stood out was the clash of ideals between Snow and Amadeus. The small child sees Amadeus as accepting of his fate, while the young Snow believes he should fight it with every last breath. It was an interesting dynamic throughout the entire story! Especially since it captures a struggle about blindness, but I think this goes even further and can carry itself into many issues in the world. To accept your fate, or fight it?


Then, we see some really nice development in Amadeus! Instead of wait and let the world pass him by, he decides to take responsibility for the people in his life. I thought him going out to find Snow was very powerful and a strong mark of growth for Amadeus. Well done!


-

Two parts to this quote.


Part one!


It was weird having a disembodied voice, especially when the first sentence is broken apart from the dialogue. It was very hard to follow. I talk about this a bit in grammar, but wanted to make note of it here too.


Part two!

I like that the only person who is really aware of Eevee being shiny is the trainer! It helps reinforce the natures of the Pokemon World. Pokemon are innocent, they see the species the same no matter if they are shiny or not. While trainers go for the different ones. It was a very small detail I noticed, but a welcome one.


-


So originally I didn’t even think of this as an issue! But after the fight with the trainer I did after thinking about it

How do we know this is a Growlithe? You seem to go back and forth from the perspective of Amadeus and his blindness, and this was a very clear example of this. The best I can say is to try your best to stick to one character’s perspective and world. ESPECIALLY when exploring the concept of the main character being blind.


-


Next is the fight scene. Overall I suck at fight scenes so I may not be the best person to talk about these but it’s my job to make sure I help as much as I can.


Overall, the scene feels rather rushed, after one or two movements Amadeus passes out. I think this makes the scene have very little impact in regards to how hard Amadeus tried to fight the Growlithe. And vice versa. It felt like he fainted at the snap of a finger. I think for next time, try to add more depth to the fighting, make Growlithe take a couple strikes at Amadeus! Have Amadeus charge in, but have some thoughts go through his head, or show how he feels as he fights. Small things can really change how a battle feels to the viewer.


Two swordsmen clash swords for example. At first glance they are just swinging at each other. Then if you add the depth that Swordsman #1 is putting all of his heart into the fight while Swordsman #2 is barely trying, but winning, it adds a completely different layer to the fight.


-


So I’m gonna jump to the post fight scene now. Overall it was a nice heartfelt scene between Amadeus and Amarie. I also love how Snow begins to understand accepting their fate! This was a nice message to give to anyone who struggles with anything in life. Great job and great message. Also very relatable, despite being about a specific issue.

-

I think from Amadeus’ perspective, this makes sense. But from a reader’s perspective, we have not really seen much outside of Amarie, Amadeus and Snow. We know that Amadeus does things to help the children, but what is it exactly he does? What are the relationships with each individual child?


I also wanted to say another thing that I think fits well into this small section. I felt as if there was no climax to the story of Snow and Amadeus and their struggle. We had the fight between them, Amadeus goes to save her because he cares, then he passes out, awakens then the struggle has been solved. We don’t really see Snow show her side of life, how she stands behind her beliefs. In the end she changes her mind, but there wasn’t much action to explain why she should see Amadeus’ side. I do not think the battle with the trainer and growlithe was enough to reinforce or clear up the issue between Amadeus and Snow. I think you should try to go more into depth about it.


-


I think you should try and focus on a single perspective rather than jump back and forth.

You did a lot of things to suggest that the story is a third person perspective that follows Amadeus, but you describe a lot of things in such a way to reinforce his blindness.

This was a very very good standalone line. But the confusing part was that I was immersed in this world of Amadeus, a blind Pokemon. Then bam, all of a sudden I have vision for just a moment to get this line.


-

Despite what I said about putting more detail into your fights, which I do stand behind. It was still really cool to see Amadeus learn from his past mistakes in combat!


-


Now, Im gonna talk about the ending of the conflicts and story. It was super cool to see all these small babies beat up a bunch of big boys. I thoroughly loved it!

I did have only one issue though with the ending. You used something called a “Deus Ex Machina.” Which is:

It worked and made a little bit of sense as it did help the family, but it certainly came out of nowhere and seemed to contradict the thematic of the story. This family had built their strength around one another and relied on one another. Then, out of nowhere, they find a human with special powers to save them.


It would have been far more interesting to see Amadeus try to pull some charades while blind to convince humans that they need help. This would also help show how much better Amadeus has become at handling himself while blind!


GRAMMAR


Throughout the story, you write with broken up paragraphs. This can kind of destroy the flow. This was very notice with the second section:

Spoiler

You definitely break them up and have ellipses there to add dramatic effect, but when everything is already broken up how you have it, it kind of loses the flare. Moreso I wanted have you look at this writing and think about it.

Does it help your writing or harm it? If it harms it, how? If it helps it, how?

From my perspective it breaks apart the flow of the story! I also trust that you do this with a purpose. I think this style of writing is definitely cool to see as it sets you apart from many writers, but I think it’s as important that you understand WHY you use this form of writing.


-

The first piece of dialogue here has no action or connection to the character speaking to it. It’s really important to have some sort of signal for the reader so that they know they’re reading a line from a specific character. I noticed this quite a few times throughout the story and I won’t mention it again! Be sure to work on it!


-

So weird thing happened with this. In the story on BMG, “Flamethrower? Judging “ has no space. On Google Documents it does! I only just wanted to point out the lack of space. It’s a really easy thing to glaze over and it’s the only one I saw, but I did want to make you aware of this anyways.


-

Don’t be afraid to use contractions! They help the story flow so much better. And hey, if it’s related to hitting that character mark for your story.. It doesn’t make that big of a difference.


Don’t and Do Not


Don’t without a space is 5 characters.


Do Not with the space between the two words is six. It barely makes a difference. It may look like more, but it really isn’t.

Heck! Maybe it’s your writing style, I don’t know! Just a small tidbit to consider for the future. Either way though writing style or not, it does break the flow.


-


I did not see any legitimate grammatical errors. Amazing job!


LENGTH


Rather than 39,961, I actually counted and had 40,460 characters. Durant’s minimum requirement was 30k at Complex. You certainly hit the mark!


THE VERDICT


Overall, you had a story that began and end, you attempted a unique way of exploring descriptions through other senses rather than sight, and had many different characters that added to the dynamic of the situations. I’ll be honest, some had more depth than others. Amadeus had amazing growth, Amarie kind of felt like she was just sort of there to reinforce Amadeus and Snow. Snow became a tough fighter, which was her character originally, but she grows based on this making her a much more developed character.


When you do descriptions, make sure to stay consistent and try not to draw the reader out through small parts that break the flow. You certainly knew what you wanted to write, but you made some odd choices in delivery!


Overall though, you had a very indepth story that explored many different themes. I think that this should really be commended. And it will be! Because you got yourself a DURANT