Black Rose

If this land would be known for one thing, then it would be known for the roses. Roses grew everywhere there were fields full of roses, hedges made out of bushels of roses, houses that had roses in window stills, and gardens full of roses. They came in all different colors too. Some were red others blue. They could be found in all of the colors of the rainbow. There was one color that was rarer then the rest that few had ever seen, much less collect. This is the story of the black rose.


“Come along Budew!” A young girl said to her Pokemon. They were currently walking up an old mountain path that was doted with roses. She had leaf green hair that went down to her shoulders and matching green eyes. She was wearing a pink t-shirt that had some flowers printed on it, and brown pants that stopped right above her ankles. She was also wearing pink sneakers. Behind her was a small grass and poison type.


“Budew!” The small Pokemon replied. Said small Pokémon was happy to go where her trainer went whether it be up an icy mountain or into a flaming volcano she would be happy. Budew was an old Pokemon having a yellow face with black eyes and black lines that made up a mouth. Right below the face there was three dark leafs that had seemingly combined. Out side the face and leafs was a lighter green that connected with two yellow and green stubs that counted for legs. At the top of the Pokémon the body curled together and there was a very light green part, like someone had dropped some light green paint onto the Pokemon. There was also two seeable black dots on the top.


“If we can find that black rose,” The girl said “I’ll be deemed a master gardener, just time about it, master gardener Lucy!” With that lucky punched her fist into the air and Budew hopped around happily. With that they continued climbing up the mountain hoping to find the black rose. They had heard many rumors that the black rose would be found at the top of this mountain. After walking for a while Budew jumped out of Lucy’s arms and ran over to a rock dancing in front of it. It seemed like Budew was sensing something behind the rock.


“What are you doing Budew?” Lucy asked as she approached the rock. She then tripped on a smaller rock and fell in an amazing fashion there was even some flailing of arm and kicking of feet! She fell onto the rock and with an ouch pushed it aside, revealing a dark cave. Budew looked very excited jumped up and down and ran into the cave.


“Hey wait up!” Lucy yelled as she chased after the grass and poison type. The cave was dark and smelled sweet not like how you would expect a cave like this to smell. It smelled like the rest of the area, like roses. She ran though the cave she started to see the source of the smell, purple roses had started to pop up along the walls of cave. One or two even came a little too close to cutting Lucy as she ran. She almost tripped over Budew when she found her. Budew was hiding behind a large rock that protruded out of the ground. Lucy ducked down beside Budew and behind the rock. The cave opened up into a cavern ahead of them. There were many purple rose bushes lining the cavern and a few that popped up in the center. In the back of the cavern there was a mound, this mound wasn’t made out of the rock that the rest of the mountain was, it was made out of brown dirt. On top of that dirt there was a single rose bush and on that rose bush there was a single black rose. There were also Pokémon inside of the cavern. Maybe twenty Budews were milling about on the floor of the cavern. Some were talking to each other, others were tending to purple roses. Another Pokemon was tending to the black rose, but it wasn’t a Budew. The Pokemon had a pail green body with two legs. A deep green leaf with a screak of yellow was on its body. Two smaller leafs were also on its shoulders. It had a light green face with two eyes and a mouth. The sides and top of its head were a deeper green and it had three pointy thrones coming out if its head. It also had two arms that connected to roses. While most of this kind of Pokemon had red and blue roses this one had purple and black roses. This was the Pokemon known as Roselia.


“Okay Budew,” Lucy said, “I need for you to go and get that black rose. Just act like you belong and walk over to the rose. Be sure to get the whole plant that way we can grow it ourselves!” Budew nodded and then emerged from behind the rock. She chirped a hello to some of the other Budew and waved at some of the others. Soon she was right at the dirt mound. The Roselia had turned its back for a second and was looking for some water to give the roses. While its back was turned Budew climbed the mound and opened her top part revealing a red and blue spots. She dug into the dirt and pulled out the rose bush. Now that the time for stealth was gone she made a beeline for the exit. She zigzagged past the Budew that were just noticing her and made it to the exit of the cavern and Lucy was already running towards the exit of the cave. Soon they were out and running down the mountain. They did not get very far when Lucy tripped. A small trap made out of grass had enweaved her foot causing her fall. The Roselia from the cave appeared obviously very angry that its rare rose had been stolen. They had tripped on a rocky side of the mountain were the slope was not too steep and many jagged rocks were scattered about on the mountainside. The plant that had tripped Lucy Started to curl around her leg trapping her she was not going anywhere until the Roselia let her go.


“Budew run!” Lucy yelled at her Pokemon. Budew slowly put the plant down on the ground and ran towards the Roselia ramming into it. Bedew jumped back and came in for a second time, only this time Roselia was ready and jumped up into the air dodging comply. Again and again Budew tried to hit Roselia and failed. When it looked like all hope was lost Budew started to glow. Slowly Budew got larger and became a Roselia. Just like the other Roselia only with red and blue roses. The other Roselia jumped up into the air and pointed its roses down at Roselia. The roses started to glow and a large amount of pink petals came flying out and flew at Roselia. Roselia crossed its arms and got into a guarding stance. The petals hit Roselia and she was pushed back a few feet. Roselia summoned a leaf and put it up to her mouth. Soon a soothing song was herd. The other Grass type started slowing down and soon fell asleep. The plants holding Lucy in place retreated back into the ground. Lucy got up and grabbed the black rose bush and turned to her Roselia.

“Thank you,” She said, “Now lets go home”

Spoiler

Pokemon: Budew
CC: 6,666 With spaces

 

Yeah, sure, why not, I'll grade yours too, and then I think that backlog will be gone. Grade will likely be up today or tomorrow, but probably today. :3

 

@Meow Wow; Yaaaaaaay~ More grades! boo having to refresh the page because you've been on it for too long :c

Introduction
So this is an interesting story. Thinking about it now, I had the thought of the title reminding me of a character from the .hack// series. I dunno if you've ever heard of it, but that's what I think of. I digress though, that's probably not where you're going, but fun little facts about Felly are cool while grading, ahahah.

Anyways, like I said, this is a pretty interesting story. Roses are pretty cool, so I like how you took the uniqueness and rarity of the black rose, which you typically see as a decorative item around Halloween (or at least that's when I see them) and turned it into a story, a quest even. It's pretty great. Felly Seel of Approval. (AHAHHAHA, SEE WHAT I DID THERE?! SEEL. HAHA. i'm not punny i know.)

Detail
Detail was pretty good. I would recommend, for higher ranked stories, to not lump it all into one paragraph. In a smaller story like this, it works out, but in higher ranked stories, I wouldn't recommend it. Other than that one comment, I don't really have much else to say. You're pretty solid on the detail aspect other than that you clump it all into one paragraph. I've done the same thing, it's not just you, haha. If you do clump it all into one paragraph like that, just make sure you remind the reader of these details every once in a while, like mentioning their hair color or their eye color or whatever whenever it comes into play.

This section can get really confusing really quickly if one's reading it too quickly. I myself got a bit confused with which Roselia was being referred to. It was probably the only thing that bothered me in terms of detail. Since one Roselia does have black and purple roses and the other has blue and red roses, you could differentiate them that way, but just saying Roselia repeatedly could get confusing. One also belongs to Lucy and the other doesn't, so you could differentiate them that way too. Another minor detail, but since I've got this quote here, I may as well point it out, but Roselia is also a Grass and Poison type like Budew, but you only refer to it as a Grass type. Just a minor thing there, but I figure it'd be worth pointing out since I have this quote here in the grade anyways.

Grammar
Contrary to the detail section, grammar has a few more flaws that I feel like should be pointed out. I'm mostly going to point out the repetitive ones and/or the ones that really stood out to me, so hopefully it won't be a lot. A lot of them probably could've been caught via proofreading as well. :3

There should be either a period, a semi colon, or a colon after "everywhere." Personally, I think the colon works best, but it's up to you which you ultimately choose to use. Everything after "everywhere" is basically a list of things, but "roses grew everywhere" is basically its own sentence.

"The," when a part of the identifier of "the girl said," doesn't need to be capitalized. Whenever you use "he said," "she said," or other similar phrases, the he/she/the/whatever word you're using doesn't need to be capitalized unless it's someone's name or title. There should also be a period after "said" as that's the end of the sentence.

Grass and Poison should be capitalized here since they're Pokemon related terms. All Pokemon related terms should be capitalized as they're proper nouns, unless you make the stylistic choice to not capitalize them at all. In that case, they should all be capitalized or they should all be capitalized, so that they all match. You can't just capitalize some terms and not capitalize others though.

I think that's everything. A lot of it is punctuation errors and the like, and a quick proofread can catch a lot of those. I don't want to sit here and point out every punctuation error here because that'd be way too much, and I feel as if what I've given you would be enough to help you identify a lot of errors in your story to begin with.

Climax
The conflict here is that Lucy and Budew run into some trouble with the shiny Roselia. (As a side note, black and purple rosed Roselia (which is phrasing you shouldn't use in your stories, by the way!!!) are considered shiny according to Serebii. Fun fact for you. :0) Eventually, Lucy's Budew evolves into a Roselia after attacking the opposing Roselia a few times. The Roselia battle it out, and then a winner is declared when Lucy's Roselia puts the other to sleep using what I assume to be Grasswhistle. For having two of the same Pokemon fight each other, it all worked out fine, so nice job there!

Conclusion
Length stands at 6673, which isn't nearly as many sixes as you counted, but you're fine on length either way. All in all, it's not horrible, and I've seen worse for Simple ranked stories. Just keep in mind what I told you for the detail and grammar sections, and you should be good to go! On that note, I should also tell you that Budew is captured, so enjoy your (maybe shiny) new Pokemon!