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Because You Were There (WaR)

Discussion in 'Stories' started by Flaze, Jun 29, 2017.

  1. Flaze

    Flaze Don't Look Away

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    Well, I'm really late to the party but I finally...sort of finished my WaR story. It's my first time doing this and I honestly wish I hadn't sat around it too much. In the end this is just part 1 of the story I had in mind and I'll do my best to get Part 2 up at some other point in time, but I think this is good.

    This story focuses on an Umbreon and her trainer as they are sent on a mission to hunt down some Ultra Beasts. It takes place in a world where they have invaded and Trainers as well as their Pokemon now have to fight together while piloting special mechas. These mechas are made in the shape of the Pokemon, who are in turn connected to it while trainers give their energy to their Pokemon through a device called a Key Stone Engine. I don't go into much detail here but whenever you see the word It (with capital I) and it's not at the start of a sentence then it's the Umbreon (known as Sombra) referring to her mecha.

    Information:

    Prompt: Mecha/ Apocalypse Now/ Pokemon Main
    Pokemon: Umbreon
    Character Count: 33703/40000
    I know the characters don't cover it, but I'm putting my hopes on this to make up for it by itself xD

    And well, enjoy the read.

    I don’t remember when it first dawned on me, the fact that one day I would die.

    It’s not like I was naïve enough to think I wouldn’t, but I always thought that when the time came I’ll be resting in my soft cushion, barely being able to breathe while giving my pups a wry, calm yet solemn smile. There would be other Pokemon crying for me I’m sure, or at least I hoped so.

    But what I wanted most of all was to die before her, maybe it was selfish and cruel of me…but I wanted her to live, I didn’t want to be the one to see her die.

    But then, life changed, they appeared and changed everything as we knew it. I wasn’t just an Umbreon aiming to be the strongest alongside her stubborn, yet optimistic,Trainer. No, we were soldiers, soldiers whose fates were connected to the world. It was then that I realized that if I were to die I would probably die with her or…she would die before me.


    Because You Were There


    Humans were complicated beings, but I had to give them one thing, they were certainly smart. That’s what went through my head every time I flew through that dark, cold void. I say it very lightly though. The metallic carcass protected me and Sarah from the power of the void…I think they called it a “gravitational pull” or some other complicated word like that.

    What I could never get used to was the feeling of being connected to It. Even though it looked like me and I could see through Its eyes as if they were my own, it still felt so artificial and metallic; as if I wasn’t there.

    I hated flying in that void. My mind was never at ease.

    “You okay there girl?” Her voice snapped me from my thoughts and making me realize where I was once more. Everything was dark, with the exception of the one panel I was standing on, my own island. “Sombra?” she spoke once more. I couldn’t see her, but her voice relieved that feeling of loneliness that had started to fill me.

    I didn’t know what to say; instead I replied with a slight bark, ensuing a sigh from her. “Thank Arceus, I was afraid you had blacked out again,” she stated with relieve from her own cockpit.

    A beeping noise filled Umbra’s ears soon after before it was followed by a click coming from Sarah’s cockpit. “I hear you loud and clear Yumi.” She replied, the sound of her fidgeting with the controls in the background.

    “Good to know Liutenant. I wanted to check how your journey into Ultra Space was proceeding,” a female voice replied, her voice sounding composed and respectful.

    “We’re not too far off from checkpoint fifty. We still haven’t sighted any UBs however. Once we reach the checkpoint I’ll be giving Sombra control and we’ll start our exploration.” Sarah’s voice sounded monotonous, almost robotic. I couldn’t blame her for that, after all, it was already our twentieth expedition.

    “Noted. Remember to report any anomalies you discover. Good luck” I heard Yumi answer, she too sounded like she was just going through the numbers, only for her voice to break a bit at the end.

    I felt Sarah’s mood go down when she heard this. “Don’t worry, Yumi. I’ll be fine,” she lied

    But even as I thought that I also couldn’t help but remember to stay on my toes.

    I honestly didn’t know why we did all these expeditions. According to Sarah, we were supposed to search for…something, a core of some kind, or just something that would give us any indication what this void separate from our own realm was.

    Of course, that didn’t make me feel any less uncomfortable every time we went in. Pokemon were territorial beings. When we are in the wild we stick to our designated turfs; when we’re with Trainers we don’t have a turf, but we have partners that make us feel like we’re part of something. But here? Here I felt as if I was not only out of my element but completely unwelcomed as well.

    “We’re nearing the checkpoint. I’ll be giving you command of The Umbra once we get there.” her voice became stern and focused, bringing me back to reality. Even so, she couldn’t fool me; she was just as scared as I was.

    I didn’t reply this time; instead I took my own stance; I knew she could feel I was ready. “All right, get ready to stir it, and please don’t spin around so much this time,” she advised embarrassingly, which caused me to smirk.

    Unfortunately, my joy didn’t last long. A few seconds later I felt my body become heavier, another thing I could never get used to. I closed my eyes and then opened once more, willing my body forward and causing us to rise through the darkness as well.

    Confident in my control of It, I began striding through the void as if I were flying, my legs moving rhythmically, rising and maneuvering through random debris. I glanced at the remains of buildings and vehicles that floated in the void, a grim reminder of the damage the Ultra Beasts had done.

    “All right, we just passed the checkpoint,” Sarah stated, alarmed. “Propulsion engines are working fine, air dispensers are good to go as well,” she listed, mostly as a way to reassure herself rather than me. “Key Stone Engine is working at 100% as well.”

    I nodded my head as I took us deeper into the void, scanning the area carefully. We were on our own, with the exception of the scattered debris at least, but I didn’t trust the silence.

    That’s when I felt it, that tug in my head that caused my long ears, along with Its ears, to perk up. I yapped, Sarah was becoming more alert. I landed with a loud thud on the roof of a demolished building, lifting off some dust and broken concrete into the air with the impact. My body tensed and my legs spread out to cover the whole roof. I glared at the void with my deep red eyes…it was time to hunt.

    “Code 02 at ten o’ clock!” she yelled out in that weird navigational language that humans liked to use. I wheeled around immediately, Its paws screeching like nails on a blackboard, not that I cared about being quiet.

    But even that wasn’t enough, as soon as I turned around I was greeted by a red blur, its body coming down on me and forcing me to jump off the building in an attempt to avoid its attack. The giant creature’s strike echoed throughout the area and shattered the building in half, lifting off a cloud of dust and barrage of broken rubble that flew at me.

    I pushed my paws forward, giving me a chance to throw myself back in order to avoid the debris. The Ultra Beast was ready for that though as a barrage of rubble was thrown through the smoke clouds and crashed with my frame. I groaned as a piece of rubble hit my eye, causing me to wince.

    I had barely recovered my composure when I heard speeding sounds hidden in the smoke cloud around me. “Shit, it’s zooming around us!” I heard Sarah call out. “Throw it off with Dark Pulse!”

    I knew I couldn’t waste any time. I let out a howl of dark energy that blew away the smoke in an instant and prayed that it would land. The being was cunning however and it punched me before I knew it, the sound of the punch ringing around me.

    The Ultra Beast wrapped its large arms around Its frame and pulled me into a grapple, allowing me to catch a glimpse of that ugly stinger stuck to its face and its bulging muscles that would make a Machamp on steroids feel shy.

    I began to push against it, trashing and bashing it as best I could until it finally let me go after receiving a hard kick to the chest. I floated back but was quickly hit by another punch straight to the gut, the metal ringing with the force of the punch.

    I faltered and staggered as we flew back and crashed against another building, my mechanical counterpart practically smashing through it. I tried to regain control but the sting and soreness was overtaking me.

    “Shadow Ball, fast!” Sarah yelled out and I, staggeringly, responded by making It fire out a barrage of dark spheres.

    The creature zoomed towards us, its body blurring and twisting as it avoided my attack, but that was just what I wanted. I bounced and pushed the building away with my legs as it neared me, making full use of mine and Its sturdy legs to avoid another punch that easily tore a hole through the mass of concrete. I saw it struggling to get its fist out of the building, but it was too late for it. I spun around, power coursing down my body and through my tail which was connected with It.

    My tail landed square on its back and whipped him all the way through the building, throwing it off its course.

    “Now!” I heard her scream, a scream that reminded me of our youth, when all that mattered was winning.

    I was going to win.

    My black fur stood on end and my eyes glowed as I let out a loud howl and a wave of black and red energy down on the red, musclebound alien just as it recovered. It was too late though; my attack landed square on and blasted it completely from my sight, its body vanishing and becoming one with the void.

    Then, as if on cue, the adrenaline left me. My body felt heavier once more and I was now panting. Sarah was panting as well, making me regret my actions immediately; I shouldn’t have pushed her.

    “Calm down,” I heard her say in a soft yet tired laugh. “It’ll take more than a Z-Strike to take me out,” she added, her voice becoming confident and brave, the tone that always made me feel secure in the world. “Okay, let’s search a little more be-“

    Sarah’s words were drowned out by a loud buzzing sound, alerting us once more. She let out a sigh in frustration soon after. “What is it Yumi?” she asked with exasperation

    “We need you to come back quick Lieutenant Borges!” Yumi replied from the other end, her loud and troubled tone made us wary of what was coming. “A Code 03 showed up near Castelia. Darrel is trying his best to subdue it, but he and Flare are getting pushed back.”

    “Shit.” Sarah gritted her teeth before slamming her hand against her cockpit, making me jump at the sensation. “What happened to Eric and Mareeha!?”

    “Mareeha is in charge of evacuating the city, but Eric and Mac…”

    My heart dropped, I didn’t need or want to hear more. I bit my lip as my and Sarah’s rage grew. Mac was the most annoying Bibarel I had ever met and he and Eric had certainly given us a lot of trouble at the academy but…but still!

    “We’ll be right there,” Sarah answered, the confidence gone, all I could hear was suppressed rage and I couldn’t agree more. “Let’s go Sombra.”

    ***

    I can still recall the day when it all started. I was sprawled out on my cushion, my legs felt sore. That only worked in making the feeling of the cushion even better. My ears perked up as I felt Sarah walk past me; she let out a loud yawn as she passed her hand over her long unkempt black hair, it always made me laugh how my fur was in a better state than her hair. “Morning Sombra,” she smiled at me as she turned, stretching her arms out. I stared at her dark brown eyes for a moment, giving her a simple nod as a greeting.

    I stretched my own limbs and stood up; breakfast called. I made my way into the kitchen and was greeted by the sound of pokechow falling on my bowl, making a smile cross my face as I quickly glued myself to the bowl with delight.

    “Calm down girl, it’s not going to go anywhere,” she laughed from behind me as she rummaged through the fridge. I felt sad for humans, having to cook their own food while Pokemon just had to eat a few pellet sized biscuits, but hey, she had opposing thumbs and I didn’t so it canceled out.

    “Are you making me breakfast, how sweet.” I frowned to myself as I saw Sarah’s friend, Ashley, walk through the hall, her long blond hair waving around as she walked inside. “You really know what I like huh?” she teased as she walked over and hugged Sarah, who simply laughed back. She then turned to me, as if she had just remembered my presence, and smiled. “Morning Sombra, did you sleep well?”

    I didn’t say or do anything, instead I just looked at her as I chewed my food, she caught the hint and went to sit down by the table while Sarah started up the frying pan, a pair of eggs in hand. “Don’t get your hopes up. If you want breakfast you’ll have to do it yourself,” she stated with a mocking frown, which just turned into a grin when she saw Ashley’s mood deflate.

    “Not cool,” she replied dryly, resting her head on her hand before glancing back at me. “I was thinking. Why don’t we go out and take a look around the city? Maybe we can go to that nice restaurant you like.”

    “Nah, Sombra and I wanted to try out some new combos,” she replied without turning her attention away from her eggs.

    “Always hard at work, even after that victory you pulled off yesterday,” Ashley replied, a proud smile on her face as she stared at Sarah. “I wish I had that drive.”

    “You certainly have drive for the things you like,” Sarah quipped back, causing Ashley to gasp and laugh. I didn’t understand what she meant, but I chose to ignore it. “But in all seriousness. I can’t slack now that I made it to the Pro League,” she added, her tone becoming more serious.

    Sarah, and by extent I, had dreamed of forming part of the Pro League, the place where the strongest trainers and Pokemon battled. Our years of training and fighting had finally given us a place in the Pro League and gotten us our first win. Needless to say, we were riding on a high that we never wanted to get off of.

    “Are you going to call your parents?” Ashley asked absentmindedly, making me snap out of my thought and causing Sarah to stiffen up. “I’m sure they’ll want to congratulate you.”

    Sarah didn’t reply at first, instead she stared down at the pan, the sound of frying eggs filling the room. “I’ll think about it,” she stated, tone indifferent.

    Sarah’s tone snapped Ashley out of her funk; instead she seemed regretful for what she had said. “I’m sorry,” she stated, her face falling. Sarah sighed at this and I could relate, Ashley became a hassle when sad.

    “No, it’s okay,” she replied in a monotone voice. However, it seemed like Ashley had caught onto Sarah’s tone and instead she turned away from us. “Tell you what,” Sarah said, turning off the oven and walking over to her friend. “You’re right, we should celebrate. So I’ll make the training session short and we can go out after,” she suggested, making me roll my eyes. She’d never learn if she got spoiled like that.

    “Only if you’re buying,” Ashley replied, her grin returning as she looked at Sarah. I rolled my eyes yet again at this exchange. It’s not that Ashley was a bad person, but I felt like she did more to sidetrack our plans than add to them.

    That’s when I felt it for the first time, that jolt that made my ears perk up and my fur stand on itself. I could hear Sarah and Ashley talking in the background, but all I could focus on was this feeling of dread that had suddenly filled me.

    I jumped up, startling the two women before running towards the living room window. “What’s wrong girl!?” I heard Sarah from behind, her footsteps following shortly after as she ran to me.

    I didn’t turn back, instead my eyes stayed glued to what was beyond the apartment’s domain. Sarah and Ashley gasped behind me as they too looked upon the skies, or rather what should’ve been the sky.

    Instead, a large gaping hole had opened a few miles away from our apartment, with many other holes opening up around the city. The horns of the cars below filled the air along with the chattering of the people, but none of that was enough to make me take my eyes away from the hole.

    That’s when it appeared, what would later be known as Code 01, “Nihileo”. Eight transparent tendrils extended from the hole, followed by a white gelatinous creature. Its body, if you could call it that, was smaller than the Ultra Beasts we would come to know later and resembled that of a young human head. Unfortunately it was all juxtaposed with its transparent and glowing head which reminded me of a Tentacruel’s. It was a Pokemon, but it was different from any Pokemon I had seen before.

    “What is that?” I heard Ashley ask from behind me.

    After that…all I could see was black.

    ***

    Having stepped out of the void we quickly made our way towards Castelia. I was actually sad that we were so close to the city, if there was one thing I enjoyed when I was plugged into It, it was running. As I sprinted across the field in its body I felt powerful, standing above so many other Pokemon and humans, especially as I felt my paws dig down into the ground loudly and saw how much distance I could cover with every stride.

    However, I knew that I couldn’t enjoy myself in this situation; my connection with Sarah told me so through her fear and insecurity in our comrades’ conditions. I felt uneasy as well, but I was more worried about whether or not we’d be able to take on another Ultra Beast like that last one.

    My connection with Sarah through the Key Stone Engine allowed me and It to receive more power and energy during battle. Because of this I could fire out attacks that allowed me to stand toe to toe with the Ultra Beasts.

    The downside to this though was the toll that each subsequent attack took on Sarah. I honestly didn’t understand the gist of it myself, but I knew that I wasn’t advised to overuse it. Unfortunately for the both of us, I always did.

    The other thing that worried me were the Ultra Beasts.

    There was something that always creeped me out about those beings. They weren’t like normal Pokemon who usually fought on instinct while in the wild. No, these guys were cunning, every move had a purpose, almost like humans.

    That uncertainty made me afraid, not just of being unable to defeat them but of what failing to do so would mean for Sarah. “Are you doing okay there girl?” I heard her speak through our link, her voice yanking me out of my thoughts.

    I replied with a simple yap, but I knew it wasn’t convincing enough. Thankfully, the city began to appear on the horizon before she could pry any longer. I focused my eyes on the buildings of Castelia, or rather the ones that were left.

    We passed through destroyed buildings, tanks and shelters the deeper we went into the wasteland of a city. Once a bright example of the wonders of human construction, years of fighting had done away with its beauty and instead turned it into a desolate place filled with broken landmarks and dreams, with the only citizens being those sheltered by the International Army, our people.

    This place was more than a city for Sarah and I as well. It was the city where we had decided to live our dream of challenging the Pro League, where we had met so many friends and rivals, including Ashley. But now, now those were just memories of a time gone by.

    I couldn’t contain myself, not when I saw how it had all broken down and even less when I saw yet another explosion from afar, followed by an electrical current. “There they are!” Sarah yelled her voice as heartbroken and filled with rage as mine.

    I came to a halt, Its body sliding across the streets as we stopped in front a large Lilligant-like machine. The giant, mechanical flower turned towards us. “I’m so glad you got here quickly Sarah,” a female voice spoke, sounding loud and clear in my and Sarah’s help.

    “What’s the situation, Mareeha? Where’s Darrel?” Sarah asked while I looked around through the destroyed buildings, smoke and freshly melted debris was all around us and I could hear the sound of electricity and explosions not too far away. “I guess that answers my question,” Sarah replied, seething as we saw a skyscraper falling in the distance.

    “The two of us were taking on that Code 03 but…I had to get them to safety,” Mareeha explained. I glanced down at her feet. A group of thirty people surrounded the Lilligant’s feet. They stuck close to it, hesitant to even glance at us. I felt my heart break when I saw a small child and her Espurr looking up at us, their hearts stained with tear marks and fear.

    I felt both my body and Sarah’s tense up; we had to make sure that Mareeha got these people to safety. “All right, I’ll go give Darrel back up.” Sarah reassured her, confidence radiating from her voice. “You make sure to get them to the shelter as fast as possible, okay, Maree?”

    “I understand,” Mareeha answered as the Lilligant began to move past us, the survivors following right behind them. We turned our head a bit as they retreated, our eyes glued on the survivors.

    I couldn’t help but think back to that time when I saw them, when Sarah and eye had that exact expression on our faces. “Let’s go, girl.”

    I leaned back upon hearing her command, putting as much force into Its hind legs as I could before leaping forward, easily flying above the broken skyscrapers and into the air. I looked down at the sight in front of us, burned and burning rubble was scattered all around the center of the city, many of its buildings fallen and smashed into the vehicles and establishments below..

    As we landed I noticed something else though. Electric currents coursing along the area. That’s when I caught a glance of the source of the currents. In front of a destroyed building stood a tall wire-like alien, its wires interconnected by a sparking white star, which released electricity around itself, possibly as a defense mechanism.

    “Darrel are you okay!?” Sarah’s call to our comrades made me shift my focus. A large machine much like my own laid in front of the creature, the only difference being that it was in the shape of a Charizard. The machine stood up upon hearing Sarah’s call, its metallic body moving slowly as its wings retracted.

    “Yeah, Flare and I just received a little shock is all,” was the reply we received from the machine as it turned to us, giving us a thumb up that made Sarah sigh in relief, and enough for me to roll my eyes.

    Our reunion couldn’t last long however, the Code 03 noticed our presence immediately and with a loud shriek fired out powerful jolt of electricity our way.

    Thankfully, I reacted quickly and moved out of the way, causing the lightning bolt to fly past and slam against one of the buildings behind me, the sound of it crashing generating an explosion that shook the area. I ran forward as I saw Flare take to the skies, his wings still working properly.

    I charged forward once more, side stepping another lightning bolt before firing a Dark Pulse straight towards the Ultra Beast. It countered it with its own attack; repelling mine and making me slide back to avoid a beam of electrical energy. It stretched its chord-like tendrils and wrapped them around one of the demolished building. The chords wrapped tightly around it before it threw its arm forward, sending the rubble flying towards us.

    “Out of the way now!” Sarah screamed out, giving me enough time jump up, the broken down building flying past me and crashing against some cars behind me. I needed to focus here.

    “Code 03’s can absorb the electricity in their surroundings, but they burn out quickly,” I heard Sarah speak, her tone pensive as she relayed her thoughts. “If we make it burn out then we’ll have a chance to attack it.”

    “But won’t that just make it activate its defense mechanism again?” Darrel replied as Flare fired a jet of flames at the creature. It shielded itself with its arms before flailing them at the mechanical Charizard, who did its best to avoid the strikes as best it could.

    “Then we’ll take that time to plan a way to take it down even while it’s charged,” Sarah replied quickly. I wanted to protest; these things weren’t to be trifled with and getting close to it, especially in a machine that was still susceptible to electricity, was not only dangerous for me but for Sarah as well.

    She seemed to notice my hesitation and immediately replied. “I know it’s risky, but it’s already caused enough destruction, if we don’t do something to stop it in its tracks then all of this would’ve been in vain,” she explained.

    I didn’t reply to this, and I knew that even if I continued to feel frustrated she would just shrug off my protests. Instead I looked at Flare as he continued to maneuver around the electrical alien’s attacks.

    They landed quickly and effortlessly, using the momentum from the landing to charge at the thing and slam at fiery fist at it. The attack landed and sent the creature flying back and crashing against a wall. “Got it!” Darrel called out.

    He slipped up however. Before he could retreat the creature’s arms moved and wrapped itself around the left arm of Flare’s It. Electricity coursed through it and its body, causing them to have to struggle and slam their foot against the creature.

    I ran forward, fangs bared and filled with flames before biting down on its wire-like tendrils. The creature let out a hiss along with more electricity, making me grit my teeth as me and Sarah withstood the brunt of the attack.

    It was to no avail though and before the Ultra Beast could attack again I had already managed to cut its arms with my teeth, giving Flare enough chance to fly behind some buildings for cover.

    “Let’s follow them!” Sarah yelled, making me run back immediately. I thought the Ultra Beast would follow, but thankfully, it had become tired and entered its defensive state, letting out electric currents all around the area while charging up once more.

    We took cover behind a series of destroyed buildings, allowing us to recharge and strategize. I glanced at Flare, noticing that his machine was clutching its left arm, probably as a reaction from Flare himself.

    “This thing isn’t like the other Code 03’s,” the human known as Darrel said as he and Flare came to stand by our side.

    “No shit, why didn’t you let Mareeha handle it? You’re not exactly in an advantageous point with Flare,” Sarah scolded.

    “Eric and Mac were supposed to be the ones to take it down but…” Darrel’s voice trailed off for a moment and I could feel Sarah’s remorse at asking that question. “After they fell I told Mareeha to focus on getting survivors out since she could withstand its attacks more.”

    “So you were planning on letting yourself get killed as well!” I heard her grit her teeth in frustration as she tried to push back her own tears.

    I closed my eyes, making use of the one other useful feature that came with being connected to It. I felt my thoughts and feelings escape me for a moment before someone else came into them.

    As I opened my eyes I could see him, Flare, the Charizard, stood right next to me, panting heavily as he held onto his left arm. “I couldn’t save him…I couldn’t save Mac,” he lamented, trying his best not to break down.

    I didn’t say anything; instead I just let my head hang there for a moment as I closed my eyes once more. I couldn’t let it get to me, not after all this time. “It wasn’t your fault,” I replied, trying to sound as determined and neutral as possible even though I was as frustrated as he was. “But if you want to make it up to him, fight.”

    He looked at me, eyes wide before he gazed down at his arm, slowly letting it go and clenching his eyes in an attempt to steel himself. “I know but…”

    “No buts!” I yelled, I needed to snap him out of it, for all our sakes. Destroyed cities, lost comrades, civilian casualties; these were all things that we had to accept. “We have a duty, we have to protect our Trainers. If you don’t fight, Darrel dies, the same way that Eric and Mac did,” I said as bluntly as I could, noticing the look of realization that slowly washed over the dragon’s face.

    “Sombra, are you ready?” I heard Sarah’s call from beyond my link with Flare, jolting me back into my own area, my own eyes steeled. “Let’s beat that thing down,” she stated, resolve in her voice.

    I leapt out of our cover immediately and proceeded to run at the creature. It turned towards me instantly and fired another round of electricity, but I was prepared. I made It move like never before and jumped up to avoid the bolt, making use of my place in the air to fire a ball of darkness at it.

    The sphere landed in front of it, raising a cloud of dust that gave me a chance to slam against it and push it back against one of the buildings behind it. I could hear glass breaking and the building being pushed aside along with the creature’s cries.

    We weren’t done yet however. Its wire-like arms elongated and wrapped around us before we moved back, causing me and Sarah to curse under our breath before the alien fired out electrical currents throughout its body.

    I clenched my teeth, feeling the searing pain of electricity run through my body and shock my senses. I heard and felt Sarah’s own pain as well and it along with her screams made me kick myself even more for not being fast enough to move back.

    I raised my head to glare at the creature. Why were they doing this? Why did they have to come and attack us? Why did we have to fight? Why did she have to suffer?

    I let out a loud, ear piercing howl into the sky, my fury no longer contained, before slamming my fangs down onto the creature’s neck, no longer caring whether it shocked me even more. I bit and bit around it’s body, pulling at the core that was attached to the head and relishing in its own shrieks of pain, knowing that it was suffering just as she was. It began to hiss loudly, its star blinking rapidly like a lightbulb about to blow out.

    It wasn’t enough though as it quickly let us out of its grasp and slammed its electrified arms against us, the whip-like appendages strong enough to send us staggering back.

    I tried my best to stay on my feet as it approached, wanting to make use of my burst of adrenaline, but I couldn’t, not with it constantly whipping me around. I felt my hind legs give out and fell on my behind, my panting audible even to myself as I saw smoke coming out of Its body. “Sombra…are…you okay?” I heard Sarah speak, her voice weak and frail.

    Regret washed over me instantly when I heard her voice. I must’ve sucked out a lot of energy from her in my fit of rage. I was supposed to protect her and instead I hurt her even more. “Look…out!” she screamed, making me aware of the creature just as it hit us with a powerful beam of energy that sent us crashing against a building.

    My body tensed, the pain numbing as we fell to the floor. Its limbs weren’t responding to me anymore, I wasn’t even able to listen to Sarah in my own fatigue, but I could see it, I could see it approaching us, its body sparking in a reddish white color to signify its anger against me.

    Then, a little later than I would’ve preferred, the electrical alien was pushed down by Flare, his body surrounded in flames as he tried tackling it down, only for it to start fighting back against him. The dragon let out a jet of flames straight into the star-like core, even though it was suffering even more than I was from the electric shocks its opponent was sending out.

    Was this as far as we got? All because I couldn’t move fast enough?

    I heard Flare’s Umbra struggling to hold back the opponent as more and more electricity fired out. Eventually the flames stopped and it was pushed to the floor. I heard Flare and Darrel’s grunts, intermixed with Sarah’s own fading breath.

    No, I couldn’t let it end here.

    I closed my eyes and focused everything I had onto my legs, pushing myself up, slowly at first but eventually I stood, newfound energy in my body, but that could only mean one thing.

    “Do it girl,”

    I howled once more, catching the creature’s attention. Energy filled my body as those images flashed before my eyes once more. Sarah’s cries, Ashley’s corpse and the moment we gave up our dreams. I wasn’t going to let them become worthless.

    I howled as loudly as I could, dark and red energy firing from my mouth as the Ultra Beast sent out its own lighting strike. Our attacks collided, the sound echoing throughout the destroyed battlefield as neither of us ceded our ground. “More…more…mo-“ I heard Sarah’s fading voice, realization crossing my eyes.

    And then, black.

    ***

    I don’t remember much of my life before I met Sarah. Admittedly, when a Pokemon lives in the wild it doesn’t have much to think of. We live, we eat, we fight, we protect our kin and we sleep. Everything else we do on instinct. It’s a simple way to live, but one that makes sense, you avoid unnecessary pain.

    But even if I can’t remember my life before Sarah, I can certainly remember the moment I met her. I can still remember that young, barely fifteen years old, girl who stared at me with the biggest smile in her face, along with my own apathy.

    Why I was against her back then I can’t remember either, I think it was because I had gotten used to my life with my kin even though we were raised in a farm and were all meant to be given to Trainers, it wasn’t something we had asked for.

    “She’s beautiful,” she said, hands behind her back as she walked towards me, her long black hair waving behind her. I stared at her curiously and indignantly. What was wrong with humans? Not only did they look nothing like Pokemon, they also wore wear garments that didn’t seem to be a part of their bodies.

    She knelt down in front of me, stretching her hand out slowly to try and pet my head. Of course, being the immature brat I was I jumped back and growled at her, making her retract her hand and stare at me in shock. “I’m sorry, she can be a bit feisty,” I could hear the old ranch lady say from behind me, but I didn’t care, I didn’t want a human.

    “Can we put her in the pokeball then?” I heard a woman speak from behind Sarah, the woman I would later come to know as her mother.

    “No, it’s okay mom. She won’t get used to me if I don’t interact with her,” Sarah protested, looking at her mom with pleading eyes.

    Her mom shook her head however, making Sarah’s expression fall more. “You can focus on that later. Please put her in the ball so that we can take her home,” she requested, turning back to the ranch lady.

    I looked back to the ranch lady; she seemed hesitant but quickly pulled out a spherical red and white object from her pocket and pointed it at me. A wave of unease washed over me as I saw it, wondering what it was for, but before I could think about anything else, I was gone.

    I honestly don’t know how long I was gone, it wasn’t till later that I began to make out of what was inside the ball, at least for me. Instead, my next memory is of anger and frustration as Sarah finally let me out.

    “I’m sorry we forced you into the ball like that,” she said with remorse as she looked at me, the moonlight shining above her bedroom window and casting her shadow over me. I looked around at her darkened room, noticing that nighttime had arrived while I was gone.

    I stared back at her, noticing the nervousness in her face as she tried to think on what to do. “Listen,” she said softly, kneeling down in front of me and making me retreat once more. “I know you’re probably not up for being my Pokemon. I mean, I’m sure you had your own mom and dad and siblings you were used to,” she explained, sounding sincere. “If you don’t want to be with me then I’ll understand, I’m already not sure if I’ll even be able to go out on my journey…dad’s been kind of an ass.”

    I tilted my head, looking at her in confusion, I could sort of make out her feelings but I couldn’t understand her words, not yet at least. She seemed to notice this fact and looked away in embarrassment.

    I don’t know why, but in that moment, for some reason, I saw her as something more than just another being. She certainly didn’t seem anymore threatening than an Eevee.

    She glanced at me once more, her face reluctant before she let out a sigh. “My name’s Sarah,” she said suddenly, stretching out her hand at me. I stared at it as I wondered what it meant but in an effort to try and make sense of it all I imitated her movements and connected my paw with her hand.

    That’s when I felt it, the warmth of her hand around my paw and her cheerful smile casted on me. “You know, I can be pretty ‘feisty’ myself,” she added with a smirk and for that one moment I smiled, knowing that somehow I had met someone I could trust.

    ***

    I awoke to the sound of frantic running and chattering from humans, the cold metallic floor of It laying beneath me. I tried to open my eyes, but all I could see was a bright light and a group of lab coats running around me, desperate to unplug me from It and talking about my vitals and all that other stuff.

    I wasn’t dying, somehow, I knew that much.

    Instead, what my mind went to as soon as it began working again was Sarah. I flailed around, making it hard for the scientists to get a proper hold of me as they carried me out of It. I had to find her, I had to make sure she was okay…I had to make up for my mistake.

    They wouldn’t let me go though, so I began struggling more, even biting one of them in the hand as he tried to put a muzzle on me.

    One of the scientists came running with a long syringe but I was fast enough, I kicked the one holding my hind legs as hard as I could, causing him to fall back as the one holding my front quickly let go and let me fall to the floor with a thud.

    “Contain her! Her body has taken too much damage!” one of them yelled as they gathered around me. I didn’t care, I stood up and growled at them, glaring them like I did with Code 02 and 03, they’d get the same treatment for getting in my way.

    “Will you dumbasses make way already!” I heard her voice and immediately turned around, my tail wagging unwillingly as my eyes opened wide with relief.

    Sarah stood before me, having pushed her way through the workers while hoisting her arm around Darrel. The dark skinned Trainer laughed as Sarah scolded the workers for crowding around me.

    In that moment I stared at her. Even if she was energetic, I knew that she had taken a lot of damage. Her legs couldn’t move very well yet and she seemed to be holding on tight to Darrel, as if she would turn to dust if she did otherwise.

    Then I stared at her deep brown eyes as she flashed me with that cheerful smile from my youth. But it was different now. There were bags under them and they had lost that shine they had back when I met her, life had made them lose that shine. That wasn’t the only thing, her body had gotten taller and more toned from our years of training and she had cut her long black hair, which now had some white streaks as well. Why was I realizing that now? Was it because I had remembered what she was like when I first met her?

    I whimpered when I looked at her, walking over and licking at her feet like a pup that had just upset her mother. Why did I lose control like that? Why did I put her life in jeopardy? For pride? Had I not learnt any better?

    “Don’t feel bad, Sombra,” she replied, asking Darrel to help her kneel down so that she could pet me, her hand brushing soothingly against my body. “We won. That’s what matters isn’t it?” she said, her voice calm yet melancholic.

    I looked at her, unconvinced by her words as I nuzzled my head onto her shoulder. If only I were stronger, younger and less reckless, maybe she wouldn’t have to suffer like this.

    “Don’t be like that you idiot,” she laughed, her voice breaking a bit as she wrapped her arms around me. “I gave you everything I could, because we’re a team, because we’re family. I couldn’t lose you too.”

    I stared at her eyes once more, her smile breaking me down as she pulled me in tighter. I rubbed my head against hers, taking in the warmth.

    “You really do spoil her too much,” Darrel said from behind him as Flare walked behind him. The dragon seemed just as injured as I was and he was still clutching his left arm, but he still smiled at me in gratitude.

    “What can I say? She’s the best,” Sarah replied, her smile wide as she rubbed my back.

    The people around us began to spread out, getting down to work on It. That’s when I turned towards it a feeling of desperation and guilt washing over me once more as I stared at that replica of myself. It looked like me and when I was connected to it I was It, but I knew that it was also the thing that chained, that chained her, to this life.

    “Don’t think too much about it,” she advised, petting my head once more. “We survived, now let’s go, we both need our rest.” As she said that she stretched her hand out to Darrel so that he’d lift her once more, but I didn’t let her, instead I pushed myself against her even tighter, not wanting the embrace to end.

    I don’t remember much of my life before her, but I do know one thing, that’s because of her that I’m here and that I love her.

    She was going to survive. I was going to make sure of it even if it killed me.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2017
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  2. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    you're first on the back log - let's go! ^^
     
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  3. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    @Flaze

    Introduction


    You've got an excellent opening to this first part! Although that opening sentence should have a comma and not a semicolon in the middle of it, it doesn't detract from the fact that you've presented a concise coming-of-age foreshadowing. The horrible realization that one will die signals an end to childhood, while the next paragraph zooms forward to the end, the idea of a quiet and peaceful death alongside one's pups. In the middle here, we have Sarah in Sombra's musing, showing how interconnected the two souls are in life and death. It's an absolutely beautiful opening that draws us into their plight, and I was excited to read more of your world and find out more about these two!

    Jumping into the next few paragraphs, we start well into the thick of the hunt! It was certainly exciting to go through the propulsion checks and logistical statistics that Sarah delved into. My only suggestion is to use this moment to sprinkle more world-building details into the tale: where exactly are they going here? What's the mission, and what's at stake? I knew what was happening because of the author's note, but I always like to encourage authors to not rely on their notes and to demonstrate everything that they need to draw the reader in with their writing instead. Once they actually start fighting, we still don't know exactly why they're doing it. Using the downtime in such an adventurous story to bring up important, plot-relevant details makes it so that you don't have to do it in its own section later on.

    Story

    Action-packed storytelling meets survival - and the result is shocking! It's always fun to see mechas slugging down Buzzwoles and other Ultrabeasts. Bonus points cause the mechas are Pokemon-shaped! You also did a wondrous job of switching back-and-forth between the present and flashbacks for Sarah and Sombra, building up their relationship. These flashbacks draw us back to the introduction: Sombra wants to protect Sarah to the end, which raises the stakes for her as the main character of this.

    Overall, I would have loved to see the overall stakes for the entire world at the Ultrabeasts' mercy. We get this neat paragraph which demonstrates a little bit of that for us:

    See this is awesome - we get a good sense, in these brief sentences, of how much damage has been done over what duration of time. I wished we had a little more of this scattered across the story - insights from what Apocalypse actually looks like, and what it would mean if the trainers here actually failed their mission. We get a glimpse of Sombra saying to Flare that Darrel could die if he fails, but to make this story stronger, I'd suggest zooming out on the wider world and showing just what they're fighting for and how it impacts real people. A secondary note on stakes:

    Something important's happening when Sombra asks those questions. She's doubting herself, and as readers, we feel that doubt - and we dread what will happen if she loses to her enemy. Suspend this moment as long as possible - I suggest interweaving those questions with throws and punches, immersing us further into her turmoil. When we reach the last sentence, it's a bit of an "oh" moment and that hype dies down. The stakes are restored; why should I keep reading on as the reader if I know she wins? What's left to gamble in this brief part of the tale? Holding onto those stakes for as long as possible is what will keep the reader glued to the page.

    You also do a wonderful job with giving us subtle details for Sarah. On the low-key, we know that her family hasn't been the best for her; additionally, as demonstrated with her old relationship with Ashley, we've seen that she's since evolved into a kind yet daunting woman who understands the implications of the challenges before her. As her foil, what makes Sombra unique? What's memorable about this very special Umbreon, and how can you show that through first person? Guiding questions like this might help when thinking about how Sombra can develop as a character in coming chapters.

    Description

    The description that begins with the phrase, "or what should've been the sky," is no doubt my favorite in this! In the short sentences that define Nihileo's arrival, you've demonstrated how bad and confusing this situation got for humans.

    Overall, there's a good smattering of description in this! We don't get a solid look at what Sarah's looks like physically until almost the end of the story. Without your author's note, we don't know that Sombra's actually an Umbreon; and we don't have any description in this story to back that up. Typically, whenever we introduce any characters in URPG stories, we want to give them at least a little bit of description. The most important characters should receive the most over time.

    A suggestion here for describing Sombra: what would be really neat is if we receive that characterization of her while she's fighting Buzzwole. The whole time the mechas were fighting, I was a little lost as to how large they are, especially in comparison to the ultra beasts. A way to do this would be to describe how the rumble of their battlefield further crumbles underneath their fall! The cool thing about recent Godzilla (!) is that we barely ever see the full monster in person. It's the perspective-type things, like a foot the size of an airport's whole building, that really makes you shake. Or you think about Pacific Rim, with the jaegers grabbing trucks and swinging them at each other, that elevates the battle to epic proportions. As with all of this grade though, that's just a suggestion, and you by no means have to follow that mecha formula in your own story.

    Grammar

    I see that you're definitely an experienced author! So I feel a little more comfortable delving into a few of the trends I saw here. A lot of this can be handled with patience and proofreading. As a whole, and something you'll hear a lot in the urpg lol, proofreading is awesome. Just a quick read through and you'll catch tiny errors, a few of which you had scattered throughout this story. You'll never, ever fail a story based on grammar alone, but it starts to make a bigger difference in the higher ranks.

    Semicolons vs Commas

    So, overall you want to use semicolons only in a handful of circumstances. These are when you're connecting a list with a handful of phrases in each item and when you're connecting two independent clauses together (with verb and noun that can stand alone). In the quoted above, I've bolded the first independent clause; I've bolded + underlined the secondary independent clause. In short, you want a comma connecting an independent clause and a dependent one; you want a period stopping two independent clauses or a semicolon connecting them. The below shows how the above could have been rewritten.

    Dialogue

    Dialogue is a tricky, tricky beast. Most of your dialogue sentences were written correctly, exempting the types above. With dialogue, you only want to connect the dialogue to the rest of the sentence if you're using a dialogue tag. A dialogue tag are actions of speech: exclaimed, screamed, shouted, said, etc etc. In the situations above, you'd put a period where the comma is because gritted, laughed, and frowned are not acts of speech. Be careful with words like "smirk", which are also often confused for acts of speech.

    Passive Voice

    Not a perfect definition, but passive voice happens with an abundance of to-be verbs and a nerfed subject-verb order. Sentences become much stronger in active voice. Breaking out of passive voice is a matter of lots of practice. The hardest assignment I had in high school was writing an essay entirely without to-be verbs - now that's not saying you should never use "IS / HAS" because you definitely should, and simple is sometimes best. However, when you force yourself to draw attention to these verbs, you become much more aware of how often you use them and when you can omit them to make your writing stronger. I'm endlessly grateful for that teacher! Anyway, I've corrected the above to show how strong this tiny difference makes your writing.


    Outcome

    Umbreon not yet captured. Length guidelines and grammar are by no means the end-all, be all to story decisions. You had an exciting, action-packed story here for sure! However, at this rank, you've gotta really bring everything you've got. To improve this story, I would love to see those fantastic world-building details listed in the author's note implemented, in some way, into the actual story itself. I think there also needs to be somewhat of a stab into the description of Sombra herself, if not the rest of the world too. Correct what you can grammar-wise, but don't worry about that and spend more time on the plot details discussed earlier. This is certainly a strong attempt for the Pokemon, but given the really high rank attempted here, as well as the offer of another Pokemon at the same rank for WaR, I just don't feel comfortable awarding the mon just yet. You're almost there!

    WaR

    Mecha: YES the mechas were throwing each other down and it was certainly exciting! For future installments, I'd love to learn who's in control of the mechas as a whole, who orders Sombra and Sarah, and how they got involved in all of this in the first place. It'd also be cool to learn exactly how they operate the mecha, but I digress. YOU HAD THE MACHINES FIGHTING EACH OTHER AND THAT WAS AWESOME.

    Apocalypse Now: This is the most debated category for your WaR prompt I believe. If we got more of those world-building details, I would certainly get a sense of the apocalypse; as is, this felt more like a fight between Darrel / Flare + Sarah / Sombra vs. Buzzwole, with the mention of impending doom in the past or in the background. By working on this story I think this will certainly jump up to its fullest potential.

    Pokemon Main: yes, Sombra's definitely in control here! You did a wonderful job of showing her perspective into things - of how heavy the mecha makes her body feel, of her snide and somewhat suspicious, though trustful, comments about humans, about how her relationship with a human has changed her.

    Will revise the above WaR decision with a regrade.
     
  4. Flaze

    Flaze Don't Look Away

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    @Smiles;

    I've fiinally made the edits as you requested. I made sure to add more details into the world building and the stakes and also read through it a couple more times to correct any grammar mistakes. I think the character lenght is also up to par now but I haven' tbeen able to count the characters yet.
     
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  5. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    @Flaze

    Regrade

    EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT work here! Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to create substantial change for this story! I think it really shows! Firstly, I like that, from the beginning, we're situated in the world that you've built. We've got the extra tidbits to know exactly what our characters are trying to do here and how they're going to do it. Sombra's line about feeling unwelcome in this environment explains multiple things succinctly: her aversion to having to fight like this, her sole drive to protect Sarah, the intensity of the whole situation. While we have a scattering here of missing punctuation or other small grammatical errors, I thought you very nicely covered worldbuilding aspects in the very beginning of this story and set the tone well!

    There's a variety of other details in the revision that caught my eye too - for example, I loved the line about Sombra / Umbra sailing over people and Pokemon! We also have a better understanding of how the mecha works, and Sombra's statement of "I don't know entirely how this functions" is so human and relatable. There's lots to unravel here in later chapters, and I'm excited for what'll come next! Also, Sombra's black out at the end was a nice touch. Reading that intense battle, leaving at a place where we don't know if Sombra will be okay, and then circling back to how she met Sarah crafted the perfect culmination for this story.

    A tiny note on semicolons:

    There's still some misuage of the semicolon in this, but I thought this sentence could make a good example - in this particularly, you would replace either of the semicolons with a period. You only want to use multiple semicolons in one sentence if they're used to divide up a list in which each item has a ton of commas in them. As a whole, I see your corrections of semicolons / passive tense / some dialogue in this, so that's definitely a good sign! These grammatical nuances are really tricky, but once you keep practicing them you'll become a pro in no time!

    Excellent work and revision. Your story's now 40k, and with all the extra details I have no doubt this got boosted to the Demanding rank. Please enjoy your new Umbreon! ^^

    I'll also say that your revisions have met the Demanding rank for WaR! So go ahead and nab yourself another Demanding mon! Congratulations and great work here!
     
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  6. Flaze

    Flaze Don't Look Away

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    Yay! I was afraid it wouldn't be enough because of how last minute it all go in regards to ironing out the details >.<

    By the way. Apparently I get an extra prize too? If so then I'd like to claim a Kirlia :O
     
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