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Because You Were There Revised (SWC)

Discussion in 'Stories' started by Flaze, Jul 31, 2017.

  1. Flaze

    Flaze Don't Look Away

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    I'm not sure if I'm allowed to repost this, I wrote the first part of it for WaR but I had a lot more ideas for it so I'm working on a part 2 and 3 (that should hopefully be done by now) but for now I wanted to start by posting part 1 here.

    That being said, if I'm unable to post part 2 and 3 by the end of the deadline then please consider this entry void as I'm not dumb enough to sign up with a story that I already wrote.

    This story focuses on an Umbreon and her trainer as they are sent on a mission to hunt down some Ultra Beasts. It takes place in a world where they have invaded and Trainers as well as their Pokemon now have to fight together while piloting special mechas. These mechas are made in the shape of the Pokemon, who are in turn connected to it while trainers give their energy to their Pokemon through a device called a Key Stone Engine. I don't go into much detail here but whenever you see the word It (with capital I) and it's not at the start of a sentence then it's the Umbreon (known as Sombra) referring to her mecha.

    Information:

    Prompt: Mecha/ Apocalypse Now/ Pokemon Main
    Pokemon: I think I'll go for Cash this time.
    Character Count: 83549


    And well, enjoy the read.

    I don’t remember when it first dawned on me, the fact that one day I would die.

    It’s not like I was naïve enough to think I wouldn’t, but I always thought that when the time came I’ll be resting in my soft cushion, barely being able to breathe while giving my pups a wry, calm yet solemn smile. There would be other Pokemon crying for me I’m sure, or at least I hoped so.

    But what I wanted most of all was to die before her, maybe it was selfish and cruel of me…but I wanted her to live, I didn’t want to be the one to see her die.

    But then, life changed, they appeared and changed everything as we knew it. I wasn’t just an Umbreon aiming to be the strongest alongside her stubborn, yet optimistic,Trainer. No, we were soldiers, soldiers whose fates were connected to the world. It was then that I realized that if I were to die I would probably die with her or…she would die before me.


    Because You Were There


    Humans were complicated beings, but I had to give them one thing, they were certainly smart. That’s what went through my head every time I flew through that dark, cold void. I say it very lightly though. The metallic carcass protected me and Sarah from the power of the void…I think they called it a “gravitational pull” or some other complicated word like that.

    What I could never get used to was the feeling of being connected to It. Even though it looked like me and I could see through Its eyes as if they were my own, it still felt so artificial and metallic; as if I wasn’t there.

    I hated flying in that void. My mind was never at ease.

    “You okay there girl?” Her voice snapped me from my thoughts and making me realize where I was once more. Everything was dark, with the exception of the one panel I was standing on, my own island. “Sombra?” she spoke once more. I couldn’t see her, but her voice relieved that feeling of loneliness that had started to fill me.

    I didn’t know what to say; instead I replied with a slight bark, ensuing a sigh from her. “Thank Arceus, I was afraid you had blacked out again,” she stated with relieve from her own cockpit.

    A beeping noise filled Umbra’s ears soon after before it was followed by a click coming from Sarah’s cockpit. “I hear you loud and clear Yumi.” She replied, the sound of her fidgeting with the controls in the background.

    “Good to know Liutenant. I wanted to check how your journey into Ultra Space was proceeding,” a female voice replied, her voice sounding composed and respectful.

    “We’re not too far off from checkpoint fifty. We still haven’t sighted any UBs however. Once we reach the checkpoint I’ll be giving Sombra control and we’ll start our exploration.” Sarah’s voice sounded monotonous, almost robotic. I couldn’t blame her for that, after all, it was already our twentieth expedition.

    “Noted. Remember to report any anomalies you discover. Good luck” I heard Yumi answer, she too sounded like she was just going through the numbers, only for her voice to break a bit at the end.

    I felt Sarah’s mood go down when she heard this. “Don’t worry, Yumi. I’ll be fine,” she lied

    But even as I thought that I also couldn’t help but remember to stay on my toes.

    I honestly didn’t know why we did all these expeditions. According to Sarah, we were supposed to search for…something, a core of some kind, or just something that would give us any indication what this void separate from our own realm was.

    Of course, that didn’t make me feel any less uncomfortable every time we went in. Pokemon were territorial beings. When we are in the wild we stick to our designated turfs; when we’re with Trainers we don’t have a turf, but we have partners that make us feel like we’re part of something. But here? Here I felt as if I was not only out of my element but completely unwelcomed as well.

    “We’re nearing the checkpoint. I’ll be giving you command of The Umbra once we get there.” her voice became stern and focused, bringing me back to reality. Even so, she couldn’t fool me; she was just as scared as I was.

    I didn’t reply this time; instead I took my own stance; I knew she could feel I was ready. “All right, get ready to stir it, and please don’t spin around so much this time,” she advised embarrassingly, which caused me to smirk.

    Unfortunately, my joy didn’t last long. A few seconds later I felt my body become heavier, another thing I could never get used to. I closed my eyes and then opened once more, willing my body forward and causing us to rise through the darkness as well.

    Confident in my control of It, I began striding through the void as if I were flying, my legs moving rhythmically, rising and maneuvering through random debris. I glanced at the remains of buildings and vehicles that floated in the void, a grim reminder of the damage the Ultra Beasts had done.

    “All right, we just passed the checkpoint,” Sarah stated, alarmed. “Propulsion engines are working fine, air dispensers are good to go as well,” she listed, mostly as a way to reassure herself rather than me. “Key Stone Engine is working at 100% as well.”

    I nodded my head as I took us deeper into the void, scanning the area carefully. We were on our own, with the exception of the scattered debris at least, but I didn’t trust the silence.

    That’s when I felt it, that tug in my head that caused my long ears, along with Its ears, to perk up. I yapped, Sarah was becoming more alert. I landed with a loud thud on the roof of a demolished building, lifting off some dust and broken concrete into the air with the impact. My body tensed and my legs spread out to cover the whole roof. I glared at the void with my deep red eyes…it was time to hunt.

    “Code 02 at ten o’ clock!” she yelled out in that weird navigational language that humans liked to use. I wheeled around immediately, Its paws screeching like nails on a blackboard, not that I cared about being quiet.

    But even that wasn’t enough, as soon as I turned around I was greeted by a red blur, its body coming down on me and forcing me to jump off the building in an attempt to avoid its attack. The giant creature’s strike echoed throughout the area and shattered the building in half, lifting off a cloud of dust and barrage of broken rubble that flew at me.

    I pushed my paws forward, giving me a chance to throw myself back in order to avoid the debris. The Ultra Beast was ready for that though as a barrage of rubble was thrown through the smoke clouds and crashed with my frame. I groaned as a piece of rubble hit my eye, causing me to wince.

    I had barely recovered my composure when I heard speeding sounds hidden in the smoke cloud around me. “Shit, it’s zooming around us!” I heard Sarah call out. “Throw it off with Dark Pulse!”

    I knew I couldn’t waste any time. I let out a howl of dark energy that blew away the smoke in an instant and prayed that it would land. The being was cunning however and it punched me before I knew it, the sound of the punch ringing around me.

    The Ultra Beast wrapped its large arms around Its frame and pulled me into a grapple, allowing me to catch a glimpse of that ugly stinger stuck to its face and its bulging muscles that would make a Machamp on steroids feel shy.

    I began to push against it, trashing and bashing it as best I could until it finally let me go after receiving a hard kick to the chest. I floated back but was quickly hit by another punch straight to the gut, the metal ringing with the force of the punch.

    I faltered and staggered as we flew back and crashed against another building, my mechanical counterpart practically smashing through it. I tried to regain control but the sting and soreness was overtaking me.

    “Shadow Ball, fast!” Sarah yelled out and I, staggeringly, responded by making It fire out a barrage of dark spheres.

    The creature zoomed towards us, its body blurring and twisting as it avoided my attack, but that was just what I wanted. I bounced and pushed the building away with my legs as it neared me, making full use of mine and Its sturdy legs to avoid another punch that easily tore a hole through the mass of concrete. I saw it struggling to get its fist out of the building, but it was too late for it. I spun around, power coursing down my body and through my tail which was connected with It.

    My tail landed square on its back and whipped him all the way through the building, throwing it off its course.

    “Now!” I heard her scream, a scream that reminded me of our youth, when all that mattered was winning.

    I was going to win.

    My black fur stood on end and my eyes glowed as I let out a loud howl and a wave of black and red energy down on the red, musclebound alien just as it recovered. It was too late though; my attack landed square on and blasted it completely from my sight, its body vanishing and becoming one with the void.

    Then, as if on cue, the adrenaline left me. My body felt heavier once more and I was now panting. Sarah was panting as well, making me regret my actions immediately; I shouldn’t have pushed her.

    “Calm down,” I heard her say in a soft yet tired laugh. “It’ll take more than a Z-Strike to take me out,” she added, her voice becoming confident and brave, the tone that always made me feel secure in the world. “Okay, let’s search a little more be-“

    Sarah’s words were drowned out by a loud buzzing sound, alerting us once more. She let out a sigh in frustration soon after. “What is it Yumi?” she asked with exasperation

    “We need you to come back quick Lieutenant Borges!” Yumi replied from the other end, her loud and troubled tone made us wary of what was coming. “A Code 03 showed up near Castelia. Darrel is trying his best to subdue it, but he and Flare are getting pushed back.”

    “Shit.” Sarah gritted her teeth before slamming her hand against her cockpit, making me jump at the sensation. “What happened to Eric and Mareeha!?”

    “Mareeha is in charge of evacuating the city, but Eric and Mac…”

    My heart dropped, I didn’t need or want to hear more. I bit my lip as my and Sarah’s rage grew. Mac was the most annoying Bibarel I had ever met and he and Eric had certainly given us a lot of trouble at the academy but…but still!

    “We’ll be right there,” Sarah answered, the confidence gone, all I could hear was suppressed rage and I couldn’t agree more. “Let’s go Sombra.”

    ***

    I can still recall the day when it all started. I was sprawled out on my cushion, my legs felt sore. That only worked in making the feeling of the cushion even better. My ears perked up as I felt Sarah walk past me; she let out a loud yawn as she passed her hand over her long unkempt black hair, it always made me laugh how my fur was in a better state than her hair. “Morning Sombra,” she smiled at me as she turned, stretching her arms out. I stared at her dark brown eyes for a moment, giving her a simple nod as a greeting.

    I stretched my own limbs and stood up; breakfast called. I made my way into the kitchen and was greeted by the sound of pokechow falling on my bowl, making a smile cross my face as I quickly glued myself to the bowl with delight.

    “Calm down girl, it’s not going to go anywhere,” she laughed from behind me as she rummaged through the fridge. I felt sad for humans, having to cook their own food while Pokemon just had to eat a few pellet sized biscuits, but hey, she had opposing thumbs and I didn’t so it canceled out.

    “Are you making me breakfast, how sweet.” I frowned to myself as I saw Sarah’s friend, Ashley, walk through the hall, her long blond hair waving around as she walked inside. “You really know what I like huh?” she teased as she walked over and hugged Sarah, who simply laughed back. She then turned to me, as if she had just remembered my presence, and smiled. “Morning Sombra, did you sleep well?”

    I didn’t say or do anything, instead I just looked at her as I chewed my food, she caught the hint and went to sit down by the table while Sarah started up the frying pan, a pair of eggs in hand. “Don’t get your hopes up. If you want breakfast you’ll have to do it yourself,” she stated with a mocking frown, which just turned into a grin when she saw Ashley’s mood deflate.

    “Not cool,” she replied dryly, resting her head on her hand before glancing back at me. “I was thinking. Why don’t we go out and take a look around the city? Maybe we can go to that nice restaurant you like.”

    “Nah, Sombra and I wanted to try out some new combos,” she replied without turning her attention away from her eggs.

    “Always hard at work, even after that victory you pulled off yesterday,” Ashley replied, a proud smile on her face as she stared at Sarah. “I wish I had that drive.”

    “You certainly have drive for the things you like,” Sarah quipped back, causing Ashley to gasp and laugh. I didn’t understand what she meant, but I chose to ignore it. “But in all seriousness. I can’t slack now that I made it to the Pro League,” she added, her tone becoming more serious.

    Sarah, and by extent I, had dreamed of forming part of the Pro League, the place where the strongest trainers and Pokemon battled. Our years of training and fighting had finally given us a place in the Pro League and gotten us our first win. Needless to say, we were riding on a high that we never wanted to get off of.

    “Are you going to call your parents?” Ashley asked absentmindedly, making me snap out of my thought and causing Sarah to stiffen up. “I’m sure they’ll want to congratulate you.”

    Sarah didn’t reply at first, instead she stared down at the pan, the sound of frying eggs filling the room. “I’ll think about it,” she stated, tone indifferent.

    Sarah’s tone snapped Ashley out of her funk; instead she seemed regretful for what she had said. “I’m sorry,” she stated, her face falling. Sarah sighed at this and I could relate, Ashley became a hassle when sad.

    “No, it’s okay,” she replied in a monotone voice. However, it seemed like Ashley had caught onto Sarah’s tone and instead she turned away from us. “Tell you what,” Sarah said, turning off the oven and walking over to her friend. “You’re right, we should celebrate. So I’ll make the training session short and we can go out after,” she suggested, making me roll my eyes. She’d never learn if she got spoiled like that.

    “Only if you’re buying,” Ashley replied, her grin returning as she looked at Sarah. I rolled my eyes yet again at this exchange. It’s not that Ashley was a bad person, but I felt like she did more to sidetrack our plans than add to them.

    That’s when I felt it for the first time, that jolt that made my ears perk up and my fur stand on itself. I could hear Sarah and Ashley talking in the background, but all I could focus on was this feeling of dread that had suddenly filled me.

    I jumped up, startling the two women before running towards the living room window. “What’s wrong girl!?” I heard Sarah from behind, her footsteps following shortly after as she ran to me.

    I didn’t turn back, instead my eyes stayed glued to what was beyond the apartment’s domain. Sarah and Ashley gasped behind me as they too looked upon the skies, or rather what should’ve been the sky.

    Instead, a large gaping hole had opened a few miles away from our apartment, with many other holes opening up around the city. The horns of the cars below filled the air along with the chattering of the people, but none of that was enough to make me take my eyes away from the hole.

    That’s when it appeared, what would later be known as Code 01, “Nihileo”. Eight transparent tendrils extended from the hole, followed by a white gelatinous creature. Its body, if you could call it that, was smaller than the Ultra Beasts we would come to know later and resembled that of a young human head. Unfortunately it was all juxtaposed with its transparent and glowing head which reminded me of a Tentacruel’s. It was a Pokemon, but it was different from any Pokemon I had seen before.

    “What is that?” I heard Ashley ask from behind me.

    After that…all I could see was black.

    ***

    Having stepped out of the void we quickly made our way towards Castelia. I was actually sad that we were so close to the city, if there was one thing I enjoyed when I was plugged into It, it was running. As I sprinted across the field in its body I felt powerful, standing above so many other Pokemon and humans, especially as I felt my paws dig down into the ground loudly and saw how much distance I could cover with every stride.

    However, I knew that I couldn’t enjoy myself in this situation; my connection with Sarah told me so through her fear and insecurity in our comrades’ conditions. I felt uneasy as well, but I was more worried about whether or not we’d be able to take on another Ultra Beast like that last one.

    My connection with Sarah through the Key Stone Engine allowed me and It to receive more power and energy during battle. Because of this I could fire out attacks that allowed me to stand toe to toe with the Ultra Beasts.

    The downside to this though was the toll that each subsequent attack took on Sarah. I honestly didn’t understand the gist of it myself, but I knew that I wasn’t advised to overuse it. Unfortunately for the both of us, I always did.

    The other thing that worried me were the Ultra Beasts.

    There was something that always creeped me out about those beings. They weren’t like normal Pokemon who usually fought on instinct while in the wild. No, these guys were cunning, every move had a purpose, almost like humans.

    That uncertainty made me afraid, not just of being unable to defeat them but of what failing to do so would mean for Sarah. “Are you doing okay there girl?” I heard her speak through our link, her voice yanking me out of my thoughts.

    I replied with a simple yap, but I knew it wasn’t convincing enough. Thankfully, the city began to appear on the horizon before she could pry any longer. I focused my eyes on the buildings of Castelia, or rather the ones that were left.

    We passed through destroyed buildings, tanks and shelters the deeper we went into the wasteland of a city. Once a bright example of the wonders of human construction, years of fighting had done away with its beauty and instead turned it into a desolate place filled with broken landmarks and dreams, with the only citizens being those sheltered by the International Army, our people.

    This place was more than a city for Sarah and I as well. It was the city where we had decided to live our dream of challenging the Pro League, where we had met so many friends and rivals, including Ashley. But now, now those were just memories of a time gone by.

    I couldn’t contain myself, not when I saw how it had all broken down and even less when I saw yet another explosion from afar, followed by an electrical current. “There they are!” Sarah yelled her voice as heartbroken and filled with rage as mine.

    I came to a halt, Its body sliding across the streets as we stopped in front a large Lilligant-like machine. The giant, mechanical flower turned towards us. “I’m so glad you got here quickly Sarah,” a female voice spoke, sounding loud and clear in my and Sarah’s help.

    “What’s the situation, Mareeha? Where’s Darrel?” Sarah asked while I looked around through the destroyed buildings, smoke and freshly melted debris was all around us and I could hear the sound of electricity and explosions not too far away. “I guess that answers my question,” Sarah replied, seething as we saw a skyscraper falling in the distance.

    “The two of us were taking on that Code 03 but…I had to get them to safety,” Mareeha explained. I glanced down at her feet. A group of thirty people surrounded the Lilligant’s feet. They stuck close to it, hesitant to even glance at us. I felt my heart break when I saw a small child and her Espurr looking up at us, their hearts stained with tear marks and fear.

    I felt both my body and Sarah’s tense up; we had to make sure that Mareeha got these people to safety. “All right, I’ll go give Darrel back up.” Sarah reassured her, confidence radiating from her voice. “You make sure to get them to the shelter as fast as possible, okay, Maree?”

    “I understand,” Mareeha answered as the Lilligant began to move past us, the survivors following right behind them. We turned our head a bit as they retreated, our eyes glued on the survivors.

    I couldn’t help but think back to that time when I saw them, when Sarah and eye had that exact expression on our faces. “Let’s go, girl.”

    I leaned back upon hearing her command, putting as much force into Its hind legs as I could before leaping forward, easily flying above the broken skyscrapers and into the air. I looked down at the sight in front of us, burned and burning rubble was scattered all around the center of the city, many of its buildings fallen and smashed into the vehicles and establishments below..

    As we landed I noticed something else though. Electric currents coursing along the area. That’s when I caught a glance of the source of the currents. In front of a destroyed building stood a tall wire-like alien, its wires interconnected by a sparking white star, which released electricity around itself, possibly as a defense mechanism.

    “Darrel are you okay!?” Sarah’s call to our comrades made me shift my focus. A large machine much like my own laid in front of the creature, the only difference being that it was in the shape of a Charizard. The machine stood up upon hearing Sarah’s call, its metallic body moving slowly as its wings retracted.

    “Yeah, Flare and I just received a little shock is all,” was the reply we received from the machine as it turned to us, giving us a thumb up that made Sarah sigh in relief, and enough for me to roll my eyes.

    Our reunion couldn’t last long however, the Code 03 noticed our presence immediately and with a loud shriek fired out powerful jolt of electricity our way.

    Thankfully, I reacted quickly and moved out of the way, causing the lightning bolt to fly past and slam against one of the buildings behind me, the sound of it crashing generating an explosion that shook the area. I ran forward as I saw Flare take to the skies, his wings still working properly.

    I charged forward once more, side stepping another lightning bolt before firing a Dark Pulse straight towards the Ultra Beast. It countered it with its own attack; repelling mine and making me slide back to avoid a beam of electrical energy. It stretched its chord-like tendrils and wrapped them around one of the demolished building. The chords wrapped tightly around it before it threw its arm forward, sending the rubble flying towards us.

    “Out of the way now!” Sarah screamed out, giving me enough time jump up, the broken down building flying past me and crashing against some cars behind me. I needed to focus here.

    “Code 03’s can absorb the electricity in their surroundings, but they burn out quickly,” I heard Sarah speak, her tone pensive as she relayed her thoughts. “If we make it burn out then we’ll have a chance to attack it.”

    “But won’t that just make it activate its defense mechanism again?” Darrel replied as Flare fired a jet of flames at the creature. It shielded itself with its arms before flailing them at the mechanical Charizard, who did its best to avoid the strikes as best it could.

    “Then we’ll take that time to plan a way to take it down even while it’s charged,” Sarah replied quickly. I wanted to protest; these things weren’t to be trifled with and getting close to it, especially in a machine that was still susceptible to electricity, was not only dangerous for me but for Sarah as well.

    She seemed to notice my hesitation and immediately replied. “I know it’s risky, but it’s already caused enough destruction, if we don’t do something to stop it in its tracks then all of this would’ve been in vain,” she explained.

    I didn’t reply to this, and I knew that even if I continued to feel frustrated she would just shrug off my protests. Instead I looked at Flare as he continued to maneuver around the electrical alien’s attacks.

    They landed quickly and effortlessly, using the momentum from the landing to charge at the thing and slam at fiery fist at it. The attack landed and sent the creature flying back and crashing against a wall. “Got it!” Darrel called out.

    He slipped up however. Before he could retreat the creature’s arms moved and wrapped itself around the left arm of Flare’s It. Electricity coursed through it and its body, causing them to have to struggle and slam their foot against the creature.

    I ran forward, fangs bared and filled with flames before biting down on its wire-like tendrils. The creature let out a hiss along with more electricity, making me grit my teeth as me and Sarah withstood the brunt of the attack.

    It was to no avail though and before the Ultra Beast could attack again I had already managed to cut its arms with my teeth, giving Flare enough chance to fly behind some buildings for cover.

    “Let’s follow them!” Sarah yelled, making me run back immediately. I thought the Ultra Beast would follow, but thankfully, it had become tired and entered its defensive state, letting out electric currents all around the area while charging up once more.

    We took cover behind a series of destroyed buildings, allowing us to recharge and strategize. I glanced at Flare, noticing that his machine was clutching its left arm, probably as a reaction from Flare himself.

    “This thing isn’t like the other Code 03’s,” the human known as Darrel said as he and Flare came to stand by our side.

    “No shit, why didn’t you let Mareeha handle it? You’re not exactly in an advantageous point with Flare,” Sarah scolded.

    “Eric and Mac were supposed to be the ones to take it down but…” Darrel’s voice trailed off for a moment and I could feel Sarah’s remorse at asking that question. “After they fell I told Mareeha to focus on getting survivors out since she could withstand its attacks more.”

    “So you were planning on letting yourself get killed as well!” I heard her grit her teeth in frustration as she tried to push back her own tears.

    I closed my eyes, making use of the one other useful feature that came with being connected to It. I felt my thoughts and feelings escape me for a moment before someone else came into them.

    As I opened my eyes I could see him, Flare, the Charizard, stood right next to me, panting heavily as he held onto his left arm. “I couldn’t save him…I couldn’t save Mac,” he lamented, trying his best not to break down.

    I didn’t say anything; instead I just let my head hang there for a moment as I closed my eyes once more. I couldn’t let it get to me, not after all this time. “It wasn’t your fault,” I replied, trying to sound as determined and neutral as possible even though I was as frustrated as he was. “But if you want to make it up to him, fight.”

    He looked at me, eyes wide before he gazed down at his arm, slowly letting it go and clenching his eyes in an attempt to steel himself. “I know but…”

    “No buts!” I yelled, I needed to snap him out of it, for all our sakes. Destroyed cities, lost comrades, civilian casualties; these were all things that we had to accept. “We have a duty, we have to protect our Trainers. If you don’t fight, Darrel dies, the same way that Eric and Mac did,” I said as bluntly as I could, noticing the look of realization that slowly washed over the dragon’s face.

    “Sombra, are you ready?” I heard Sarah’s call from beyond my link with Flare, jolting me back into my own area, my own eyes steeled. “Let’s beat that thing down,” she stated, resolve in her voice.

    I leapt out of our cover immediately and proceeded to run at the creature. It turned towards me instantly and fired another round of electricity, but I was prepared. I made It move like never before and jumped up to avoid the bolt, making use of my place in the air to fire a ball of darkness at it.

    The sphere landed in front of it, raising a cloud of dust that gave me a chance to slam against it and push it back against one of the buildings behind it. I could hear glass breaking and the building being pushed aside along with the creature’s cries.

    We weren’t done yet however. Its wire-like arms elongated and wrapped around us before we moved back, causing me and Sarah to curse under our breath before the alien fired out electrical currents throughout its body.

    I clenched my teeth, feeling the searing pain of electricity run through my body and shock my senses. I heard and felt Sarah’s own pain as well and it along with her screams made me kick myself even more for not being fast enough to move back.

    I raised my head to glare at the creature. Why were they doing this? Why did they have to come and attack us? Why did we have to fight? Why did she have to suffer?

    I let out a loud, ear piercing howl into the sky, my fury no longer contained, before slamming my fangs down onto the creature’s neck, no longer caring whether it shocked me even more. I bit and bit around it’s body, pulling at the core that was attached to the head and relishing in its own shrieks of pain, knowing that it was suffering just as she was. It began to hiss loudly, its star blinking rapidly like a lightbulb about to blow out.

    It wasn’t enough though as it quickly let us out of its grasp and slammed its electrified arms against us, the whip-like appendages strong enough to send us staggering back.

    I tried my best to stay on my feet as it approached, wanting to make use of my burst of adrenaline, but I couldn’t, not with it constantly whipping me around. I felt my hind legs give out and fell on my behind, my panting audible even to myself as I saw smoke coming out of Its body. “Sombra…are…you okay?” I heard Sarah speak, her voice weak and frail.

    Regret washed over me instantly when I heard her voice. I must’ve sucked out a lot of energy from her in my fit of rage. I was supposed to protect her and instead I hurt her even more. “Look…out!” she screamed, making me aware of the creature just as it hit us with a powerful beam of energy that sent us crashing against a building.

    My body tensed, the pain numbing as we fell to the floor. Its limbs weren’t responding to me anymore, I wasn’t even able to listen to Sarah in my own fatigue, but I could see it, I could see it approaching us, its body sparking in a reddish white color to signify its anger against me.

    Then, a little later than I would’ve preferred, the electrical alien was pushed down by Flare, his body surrounded in flames as he tried tackling it down, only for it to start fighting back against him. The dragon let out a jet of flames straight into the star-like core, even though it was suffering even more than I was from the electric shocks its opponent was sending out.

    Was this as far as we got? All because I couldn’t move fast enough?

    I heard Flare’s Umbra struggling to hold back the opponent as more and more electricity fired out. Eventually the flames stopped and it was pushed to the floor. I heard Flare and Darrel’s grunts, intermixed with Sarah’s own fading breath.

    No, I couldn’t let it end here.

    I closed my eyes and focused everything I had onto my legs, pushing myself up, slowly at first but eventually I stood, newfound energy in my body, but that could only mean one thing.

    “Do it girl,”

    I howled once more, catching the creature’s attention. Energy filled my body as those images flashed before my eyes once more. Sarah’s cries, Ashley’s corpse and the moment we gave up our dreams. I wasn’t going to let them become worthless.

    I howled as loudly as I could, dark and red energy firing from my mouth as the Ultra Beast sent out its own lighting strike. Our attacks collided, the sound echoing throughout the destroyed battlefield as neither of us ceded our ground. “More…more…mo-“ I heard Sarah’s fading voice, realization crossing my eyes.

    And then, black.

    ***

    I don’t remember much of my life before I met Sarah. Admittedly, when a Pokemon lives in the wild it doesn’t have much to think of. We live, we eat, we fight, we protect our kin and we sleep. Everything else we do on instinct. It’s a simple way to live, but one that makes sense, you avoid unnecessary pain.

    But even if I can’t remember my life before Sarah, I can certainly remember the moment I met her. I can still remember that young, barely fifteen years old, girl who stared at me with the biggest smile in her face, along with my own apathy.

    Why I was against her back then I can’t remember either, I think it was because I had gotten used to my life with my kin even though we were raised in a farm and were all meant to be given to Trainers, it wasn’t something we had asked for.

    “She’s beautiful,” she said, hands behind her back as she walked towards me, her long black hair waving behind her. I stared at her curiously and indignantly. What was wrong with humans? Not only did they look nothing like Pokemon, they also wore wear garments that didn’t seem to be a part of their bodies.

    She knelt down in front of me, stretching her hand out slowly to try and pet my head. Of course, being the immature brat I was I jumped back and growled at her, making her retract her hand and stare at me in shock. “I’m sorry, she can be a bit feisty,” I could hear the old ranch lady say from behind me, but I didn’t care, I didn’t want a human.

    “Can we put her in the pokeball then?” I heard a woman speak from behind Sarah, the woman I would later come to know as her mother.

    “No, it’s okay mom. She won’t get used to me if I don’t interact with her,” Sarah protested, looking at her mom with pleading eyes.

    Her mom shook her head however, making Sarah’s expression fall more. “You can focus on that later. Please put her in the ball so that we can take her home,” she requested, turning back to the ranch lady.

    I looked back to the ranch lady; she seemed hesitant but quickly pulled out a spherical red and white object from her pocket and pointed it at me. A wave of unease washed over me as I saw it, wondering what it was for, but before I could think about anything else, I was gone.

    I honestly don’t know how long I was gone, it wasn’t till later that I began to make out of what was inside the ball, at least for me. Instead, my next memory is of anger and frustration as Sarah finally let me out.

    “I’m sorry we forced you into the ball like that,” she said with remorse as she looked at me, the moonlight shining above her bedroom window and casting her shadow over me. I looked around at her darkened room, noticing that nighttime had arrived while I was gone.

    I stared back at her, noticing the nervousness in her face as she tried to think on what to do. “Listen,” she said softly, kneeling down in front of me and making me retreat once more. “I know you’re probably not up for being my Pokemon. I mean, I’m sure you had your own mom and dad and siblings you were used to,” she explained, sounding sincere. “If you don’t want to be with me then I’ll understand, I’m already not sure if I’ll even be able to go out on my journey…dad’s been kind of an ass.”

    I tilted my head, looking at her in confusion, I could sort of make out her feelings but I couldn’t understand her words, not yet at least. She seemed to notice this fact and looked away in embarrassment.

    I don’t know why, but in that moment, for some reason, I saw her as something more than just another being. She certainly didn’t seem anymore threatening than an Eevee.

    She glanced at me once more, her face reluctant before she let out a sigh. “My name’s Sarah,” she said suddenly, stretching out her hand at me. I stared at it as I wondered what it meant but in an effort to try and make sense of it all I imitated her movements and connected my paw with her hand.

    That’s when I felt it, the warmth of her hand around my paw and her cheerful smile casted on me. “You know, I can be pretty ‘feisty’ myself,” she added with a smirk and for that one moment I smiled, knowing that somehow I had met someone I could trust.

    ***

    I awoke to the sound of frantic running and chattering from humans, the cold metallic floor of It laying beneath me. I tried to open my eyes, but all I could see was a bright light and a group of lab coats running around me, desperate to unplug me from It and talking about my vitals and all that other stuff.

    I wasn’t dying, somehow, I knew that much.

    Instead, what my mind went to as soon as it began working again was Sarah. I flailed around, making it hard for the scientists to get a proper hold of me as they carried me out of It. I had to find her, I had to make sure she was okay…I had to make up for my mistake.

    They wouldn’t let me go though, so I began struggling more, even biting one of them in the hand as he tried to put a muzzle on me.

    One of the scientists came running with a long syringe but I was fast enough, I kicked the one holding my hind legs as hard as I could, causing him to fall back as the one holding my front quickly let go and let me fall to the floor with a thud.

    “Contain her! Her body has taken too much damage!” one of them yelled as they gathered around me. I didn’t care, I stood up and growled at them, glaring them like I did with Code 02 and 03, they’d get the same treatment for getting in my way.

    “Will you dumbasses make way already!” I heard her voice and immediately turned around, my tail wagging unwillingly as my eyes opened wide with relief.

    Sarah stood before me, having pushed her way through the workers while hoisting her arm around Darrel. The dark skinned Trainer laughed as Sarah scolded the workers for crowding around me.

    In that moment I stared at her. Even if she was energetic, I knew that she had taken a lot of damage. Her legs couldn’t move very well yet and she seemed to be holding on tight to Darrel, as if she would turn to dust if she did otherwise.

    Then I stared at her deep brown eyes as she flashed me with that cheerful smile from my youth. But it was different now. There were bags under them and they had lost that shine they had back when I met her, life had made them lose that shine. That wasn’t the only thing, her body had gotten taller and more toned from our years of training and she had cut her long black hair, which now had some white streaks as well. Why was I realizing that now? Was it because I had remembered what she was like when I first met her?

    I whimpered when I looked at her, walking over and licking at her feet like a pup that had just upset her mother. Why did I lose control like that? Why did I put her life in jeopardy? For pride? Had I not learnt any better?

    “Don’t feel bad, Sombra,” she replied, asking Darrel to help her kneel down so that she could pet me, her hand brushing soothingly against my body. “We won. That’s what matters isn’t it?” she said, her voice calm yet melancholic.

    I looked at her, unconvinced by her words as I nuzzled my head onto her shoulder. If only I were stronger, younger and less reckless, maybe she wouldn’t have to suffer like this.

    “Don’t be like that you idiot,” she laughed, her voice breaking a bit as she wrapped her arms around me. “I gave you everything I could, because we’re a team, because we’re family. I couldn’t lose you too.”

    I stared at her eyes once more, her smile breaking me down as she pulled me in tighter. I rubbed my head against hers, taking in the warmth.

    “You really do spoil her too much,” Darrel said from behind him as Flare walked behind him. The dragon seemed just as injured as I was and he was still clutching his left arm, but he still smiled at me in gratitude.

    “What can I say? She’s the best,” Sarah replied, her smile wide as she rubbed my back.

    The people around us began to spread out, getting down to work on It. That’s when I turned towards it a feeling of desperation and guilt washing over me once more as I stared at that replica of myself. It looked like me and when I was connected to it I was It, but I knew that it was also the thing that chained, that chained her, to this life.

    “Don’t think too much about it,” she advised, petting my head once more. “We survived, now let’s go, we both need our rest.” As she said that she stretched her hand out to Darrel so that he’d lift her once more, but I didn’t let her, instead I pushed myself against her even tighter, not wanting the embrace to end.

    I don’t remember much of my life before her, but I do know one thing, that’s because of her that I’m here and that I love her.

    She was going to survive. I was going to make sure of it even if it killed me.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2017
  2. Flaze

    Flaze Don't Look Away

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    Well, I didn't realize I forgot to add the first part, but now I've edited it in. And finally, after so many days (and after getting lucky with an extension) I managed to finish Part 2. Unfortunately I won't have time to finish Part 3 but I think this should still be an enjoyeable read and help clear up some things left hanging in Part 1.

    Because You were There

    Request
    “What do you mean you’re suspending me!?” I heard Sarah scream at the top of her lungs, almost as if she wanted the whole base to hear her. I put my paws and slid my ears downwards to drown out the noise, but it was to no avail when compared to her enraged voice.

    After our battle with the Xurkitree, Sarah and I were sent to see our supervisor, Commander Chariens. He had short, greying brown hair and green eyes that always looked at you with expectancy. Not just that, apparently his title was really important, he even had a bunch of badges on his blue military uniform to commemorate his achievements.

    I myself held no respect for this man, but Sarah, for some reason, did so I had to comply and sit quietly while she argued with him. It was just another normal day on the job if I’m being honest.

    “I didn’t say suspension, Sergeant Villareal, I said ‘leave’,” the man she was speaking to replied, his eyes never leaving the clipboard he was holding on his left hand as he typed on his laptop with his right, I honestly don’t know how humans can do stuff like that. He turned back to Sarah, a stern expression on his face. “According to the reports, your body took quite a toll from Linking with Sombra. We don’t know how much damage that could spell for your body in the long run so we’re giving you the next two weeks off,” he stated matter-of-factly, his expression never wavering from his laptop.

    I raised my head as the room was filled with a the sound of paper being printed, only for Commander Chariens to lean towards the printer on the side of his desk and pull out the notice that it spat out. “Here,” he said, holding the sheet of paper out to Sarah.

    Sarah gritted her teeth at this. “This is crazy, Commander. We just lost Eric in that last battle, this is no time for rest!” she exclaimed, reluctantly grabbing the sheet and looking at it. “The Ultra Beasts strikes are becoming more regular too.”

    “There’s nothing to worry about Sergeant.” He leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms. “We’ve estimated that the next strike shouldn’t be until two months from now, it’s enough time for you to recover and go back to your training.”

    “Even knowing when they’re going to attack we still can’t prepare though,” Sarah spat back, gritting her teeth and making him glance at the Commander. At this point I was just glancing back and forth between the two, amusement clear on my face.

    Commander Chariens sighed, having now understood that nothing he said would be enough to dissuade Sarah’s argument. “I understand how you feel, Sarah,” he added, his tone becoming calmer and more understanding. “We’re all sad about what happened to Eric, I can assure you of that. But you and Sombra are among our best pilots and we can’t risk your health.” I frowned a bit upon hearing this. I felt fine, I didn’t need him to guilt trip Sarah by using me. “Don’t think of it as being shoved away from the battlefield. Think of it as getting a chance to gain your bearings, relax and enjoy yourself before you go back to the fight.”

    Sarah glanced at me as well, her expression wavering a bit as she thought of what the Commander was saying. Then it was her turn to sigh as she looked back at the Commander. “Fine, I guess I’ll pick up drawing or something.” She groaned in annoyance.

    “I recommend trying oil painting, it’s very relaxing,” the Commander replied with a slight laugh, his tone becoming even more familiar. “Once you’ll get back I’ll have you and Jonesy do some tests on the new upgrades to the Umbra.”

    Sarah grunted in annoyance at hearing this. “So that asshole’s finally coming back huh? Fine.” She moved back a bit, straightening her posture before raising her hand up for a salute. “Thanks for your time commander,” she stated, her tone loud and respectful as she turned back to me. “Let’s go Sombra,” she said, a slight smile on her face. Then, before she turned to leave she looked back at Chariens, shock spreading on her face. “Wait, did you say Sergeant?”

    “Yes,” The Commander replied, a slight smile on his face. “You and Sombra risked your lives to save those people, coupled with your other recent feats, the board decided to give you a promotion.”

    Sarah didn’t reply, instead she just blinked as she tried to process what she was hearing. “Understood,” she finally said with a nod as she turned back to the door, trying to hide the smile on her face.

    I stood up from where I was laying, leaning back as I stretched my limbs quickly, I was so comfortable too. I turned to glance at Commander Charien and bowed my head respectfully as I followed Sarah out the door.

    ***

    I dutifully walked after Sarah as we made our way out of Charien’s office and through the halls of Castelia Cove’s International Defense Force Base, or just North Base as we liked to call it. Soldiers and scientists poured through the corridors, glancing at us and bowing their heads, thanking us for a job well done, though it’s not like thanking us was going to make things better.

    Sarah stretched her arms out as we walked through a glass hallway connecting the two wings of the base, her eyes falling on the field below us, a pensive expression on her face. “Looks like they gathered all the survivors.” I heard her speak, her tone just as pensive.

    I looked through the window at a large group of humans and Pokemon, they had been gathered around the field, which was filled with tents and trucks. Soldiers tended to the survivors, giving them blankets, water and food as well as guiding them through the procedures.

    It wasn’t any new to me, I had already seen the same picture many times, Sarah and I even lived through it ourselves at some point. Yet I felt a stinging pain every time I saw them there, trying to collect what was left of their lives. It was a reminder of both what we were fighting for and what we had failed to accomplish.

    My eyes lingered on the survivors, noticing the same little girl and Espurr that we had seen in Castelia. The girl was being looked at by a medic and seemed to be telling the soldier something, a worried expression on her face. “Think we should go check it out?” I heard Sarah say from my side. I hated when she read my mind like that.

    ***

    Being in the middle of the field did not help remedy my anxiety. Sarah and I tried to make our way through the crowd of survivors in order to find the little girl, but there were so many and they were all walking around in a hurry that it was hard to even get a good look at anyone.

    “Geez, guess we were better off staying back inside.” Sarah frowned, crossing her arms as she looked around.

    I wasn’t about to give up though, we had already gone through the trouble of going down after all. And so I searched, closing my eyes to feel the presences of everyone around me, it was a trait that we Dark types could rely on even if most people didn’t know. I didn’t know how it worked, but I assumed it had to do with our link to Psychic and Ghost types.

    Either way, I focused, blocking the sounds from all the bystanders and looking for my objective, a needle in a haystack if you will. That’s when I felt their presence, standing inside a medical tent not too far from us.

    I turned to Sarah, biting at the edge of her jacket so that she’d paid attention to me. She nodded her head, understanding my intentions immediately and following me to the medical tent.

    The girl practically jumped when she saw us walk into the tent, her expression going from fear to joy and then to hesitation as she realized who we were. Sarah let out a laugh at the girl’s over the top reaction and walked over, beckoning me as well. “Everything all right over here doctor?” she asked, turning to the medical examiner.

    “Thankfully, there’s no sign of heavy injury physically or mentally,” the doctor replied as he looked at the girl’s diagnoses through a screen, only to turn and give the Audino that was tending to her a thumbs up. “We can send her to a shelter by tomorrow.”

    “Hear that?” she turned to the girl, smiling cheerfully and petting her head slightly. “You’ll get to be in a safe bed and eat tasty food by tomorrow.”

    The girl looked down at the floor, her expression still hesitant even after Sarah’s words. I turned to the Espurr, its ears bunched over as it looked away from us nervously. “What’s wrong?” Sarah asked, noticing their condition.

    “I can’t find my sister,” the girl replied, her voice breaking slightly. “We got separated in the ruckus, she said we’d meet here and head off together. She’s all I have after our parents died.” Her voice broke even more with every word she said until she eventually began sobbing, her Espurr floating up to her to console her in turn.

    I could see Sarah’s own expression breaking a bit and she was clearly trying hard not to let her chipper attitude vanish at the realization of the inevitable. “Listen,” she said, her voice calm and hopeful. “I’m sure we’ll find your sister, I promise.” She added.

    She lied.

    I honestly didn’t know if the girl noticed this or not, but she just nodded her head and wiped her tears away as she smiled at Sarah. “Thank you miss, it really means a lot that you saved me and Pina,” she said, petting her Espurr and causing it to purr in delight. “What’s your name, miss?”

    Sarah’s smile returned when she saw the girl’s demeanor change. Even if she knew she’d face a terrible realization later. “I’m Sarah, Sarah Villareal,” she replied before glancing at me.

    Then she abruptly leaned forward, grabbing onto me and making me fret around as she held my by my front paws in front of the girl. “This girl’s the one you should be thanking though.” She grinned. “Her name’s Sombra and she’s the one that pilots that awesome robot you saw fighting back there.

    I looked away from the girl in embarrassment, it was so annoying to have to be held by Sarah like that, it really didn’t make me come off well. She eventually had the decency to lower me. I huffed and turned away from her upon touching the floor.

    “Well, we should go,” she spoke to the girl, turning around now. “Take care of yourself, okay kid?”

    We walked a bit after that, taking in the sounds of the survivors and medics around us. However, not soon after we had left the medical tent Sarah stopped, her fists clenching. I looked up at her, my face turning into a frown as I looked at them, those mad resolute eyes that stared at the floor but in reality seemed to be staring at something even I couldn’t see.

    “Hey Sombra, make me a promise,” she suddenly said, not turning away from the floor. I looked at her, my body tensing up, already feeling what she was going to say. “Next time, don’t hesitate,” she replied, her voice dry and emotionless as she looked at me with those eyes. “Next time forget about what happens to me and fight.”

    I just looked into her eyes, my body tensed and shocked as I heard those words.

    If only I could tell her I couldn’t keep that promise.

    ***

    I can still remember that night, the night Sarah and I and all my comrades sat alone in that medical tent. The sound of screaming medics and survivors surrounded us, some yelling out orders, others looking for their friends and family and others suffering from wounds.

    No one knew where the Ultra Beasts came from, they simply appeared and attacked. Even Pokemon were confused, after all, in the Wild you wouldn’t just go and attack another Pokemon’s turf unless you had a reason to, and usually your reason for attacking was very clear to your target. But this? This was something completely different.

    “What should we do now?” I turned towards Relina, Sarah’s Braviary and my second in command. She seemed hesitant to bring up the subject, what with everything that was going on. I glanced at the others, noticing that Ice Cream, the Loudred and Pivot, Sarah’s Grumpig, were talking to one another or maybe just trying to cheer each other up. Then I looked at Mina and Kale, Sarah’s Floatzel and Roserade respectively, as they stood watch in front of the tent. We couldn’t actually be there by ourselves, but we needed to give Sarah room to breathe.

    “Sombra,” Relina called, snapping my thoughts back to her. I stared at her, not knowing what to tell her as I looked at my fur.

    Just that morning I was happily eating my breakfast, listening to Sarah and Ashley drone on about what they were going to do as always. And now? Now we were here, our home destroyed our dream in shambles and Ashley…

    I closed my eyes and bit my lip at the thought. If only I had been fast enough. If only I had predicted what was about to happen.

    “Som-“

    “I don’t know Relina!” I snapped, tired of hearing her incessant calling. “I want to know just as much as you do okay?” I added, panting as I tried to calm down from my outburst.

    “Well…” Mina said in a low voice, slowly making her way to us. “What should we do about Sarah?” the Floatzel asked, raising her paw and pointing it towards our Trainers.

    Shame ran over me upon hearing those words. I hadn’t wanted to look at her from the moment we went in, not because I was mad at her, but because I was mad at myself.

    But at that moment I had to look at her, at that woman who sat on the hard concrete at the edge of the medical tent. She was using her arms to keep her knees tight to her chest, her head buried in them to block out the sound of sobbing.

    I scanned her body, staring at her beat up and dirtied skin, mostly from the early blast and smoke we had gone through, and her disheveled black hair which had surely seen better days.

    What could I do to make her feel better? Sure she had her moments where she would break down, like when we lost the Unova League or when she realized she had failed the Pro League examination. But those times we were all together and we knew what we could do. Now I didn’t know, none of us did. I just wished I was back in that room with that young girl stretching her hand out, where it was me that had to open up to her.

    Regardless, I had to try something; I was her ace after all.

    I walked closer to her, her sobbing coming off a lot clearer to me as I neared. My eyes watered a bit as well when I saw her, but I got closer, slowly moving my snout against her arm, letting it touch her warm skin to let her know she had me there.

    She sat still, ignoring me. I didn’t relent; instead I continued prodding her with my snout.

    Then, almost without realizing it, I felt a stinging pain spreading through my cheek as my face and body were slapped aside. The sound spread through the tent, my comrades gasping in disbelief as they stared at Sarah’s hand hanging a few inches above my face.

    I stood there, face outstretched, trying to process what had happened.

    I slowly turned my head, my mind clear as I saw her heaving figure, tears and snot streaming down her face as she glared at me, arms trembling and eyes filled with madness and disdain. Her lip quivered slightly, as if she was having trouble processing her own thoughts.

    And then, the realization of what happened hit me. I grit my teeth, turning my face back and before anyone else could react I lashed out.

    My body thrust forward, my fangs clamping down on Sarah’s outstretched hand, ensuing a pained scream. Blood was drawn, gasps were issued and Sarah herself had to bite her other hand to try and hold back her screams.

    I don’t know what came over me, maybe it was the stress, maybe it was the fact that Sarah hit me, disrespected me, for the first time since I met her. I bit down on instinct, letting the blood run past my mouth and down her arm.

    Suddenly I snapped back, my eyes opening wide as I let go of her hard and retreated, panting to try and get my bearings. My hairs stood on end, a chill running down my spine as I stared at Sarah, expecting her to lash out again, to scream and curse at me for what I had done.

    But she didn’t. Instead the whole room went quiet for the first time since we had entered it. Sarah stared at me, ignoring the pain in her hand for a moment before she glanced at it and the blood running down it. It had to still hurt, so why wasn’t she screaming?

    She kept her eyes glued to mine, tears beginning to well up in them once more before she threw herself at me and wrapped her arms around my frame, smearing blood on the fur on my back. She put her face against my neck, not even bothering to control herself as she cried everything she was holding back on me.

    The others watched, trying to hold back their own tears as the whole sequence of events dawned on us. We were all trying our best to deal with the situation; we had gotten so caught up in it that we had forgotten about each other.

    I lowered my head to Sarah’s shoulder, closing my eyes as she let her tears flow down. In that moment I knew, I knew that if I stayed by her side there was always something I could do to help.

    ***

    I opened my eyes slowly, drowsily stretching my body out on my cushion, trembling at the feeling of my stretching limbs. Shaking my head around I looked at my surroundings, taking in the overwhelming darkness of our apartment.

    Sarah hated leaving any curtains or blinds open during the night, and I had quickly learned that trying to wake her up by myself only got me a grumpy Trainer, but it wasn’t something I couldn’t get used to, I appreciated the moments of quiet that started my days off.

    I slowly willed my body upwards, my eyes adjusting to the darkness as I walked through the hall of our small apartment. The International Defense Force was kind enough to give its pilots personal apartments, they weren’t very spacious but considering most of our time was spent out of them they didn’t need to be.

    My footsteps resounded on the hard wood floor of the hall leading to Sarah’s room, my eyes staring at her door expectantly, hoping she’d get off her sleepy behind and get me my breakfast. I quickly glanced towards the wall above me, looking at the pictures that showed various moments in our journeys before the invasion.

    My eyes lingered on the picture of me and Sarah alongside the rest of our comrades, thoughts about them and the memory I dreamt with coming back to me.

    After Sarah bowed to join the International Defense Force Academy as a part of the Ultra Beast Defense Squad we had to make a choice. Pilots needed to be Trainers and Pokemon who shared a close bond with each other in order to properly man the Umbras. Sarah chose me as her partner, while everyone else was sent to a special ranch where all the Pokemon that weren’t chosen could live out their lives together.

    But that wasn’t the truth. They weren’t there to live out their lives, they were there as replacements in case that I fell. Nevertheless, they had all gone on to have their own lives, even families, while I fought and protected Sarah.

    I couldn’t fall; I could never let them carry the same burden as me.

    Then, as if on cue, I saw Sarah open the door to her room, a loud yawn escaping her mouth as soon as she appeared behind the doorway. Her hair was in the usual disheveled fashion she had when she woke up. She wore a simple sky blue top and a pair of white pajama shorts with the top’s right strap hanging down slightly.

    “Morning, girl,” she greeted me, her voice hoarse and weak as she let out another yawn. “I’ll get you your breakfast.”

    She began to make her way down to the kitchen, her body swaying a bit as she moved, partly because of her waking state and partly for the after effects of our fights the day before.

    Sarah began serving me my precious Poke Chow as soon as she entered the kitchen and I immediately glued myself to my bowl, issuing a laugh from her. “I guess you must still be pretty hungry after yesterday,” she said, only for the sound of her bowels to fill the room. “…and the same goes for me.” She added with a giggle.

    I continued eating my food while Sarah served herself some toast. I wondered why she didn’t eat more, she had taken a bigger toll than I had during the battle the day before after all, but maybe she was just worried about her weight again, humans did that.

    “Oh, want to go up to the roof to do some light training?” she asked, glancing back at me expectantly. Sarah was never good at taking things easy and while I usually would agree with her, I thought it was a bit drastic for her to want to get back to training when she was supposed to be resting.

    That and I wanted to take a lazy day myself.

    However, I knew she’d just start bugging me if I refused so I nodded my head, I could always get my way later. She smiled at this, not knowing my true intentions, and went back to her breakfast.

    After our breakfast Sarah changed into a simple long sleeved t-shirt and black pants. She also had the decency to comb and straighten her hair and even took the time to brush my fur a little, which I loved. Then we got out of our apartment and went up to the roof of the complex.

    The roof was our turf; it was where we trained when we couldn’t use It and had to resort to the old method of testing out moves and strategies physically. It always weirded me out why Sarah would resort herself to having me try my moves on her, she said she had taken the idea from some old foreign professor. That person sounded like a complete lunatic to me.

    I saw Sarah walk to the center of the roof, stretching her arms out and letting the cold wind wash over her body, a smile on her face as she took in a deep breath. She turned back to me almost immediately. I glanced at her with a nonplussed expression as I noticed the cloudy sky, I hoped it wouldn’t rain.

    “All right, let’s get to it, Sombra!” Sarah called out patting her chest and smiling at me. “Hit me with your best sho-what are you doing!?” she exclaimed, noticing that instead of playing along with her game I laid down and rolled my body up on the floor. I closed my eyes and began to act like I was sleeping, knowing that she was fuming internally. “This was your plan wasn’t it? You little sneak.”

    I smirked at this, opening my eyes and glancing at her, challenging her to try anything. She didn’t, instead she sighed in frustration and proceeded to sit down on the roof, her disillusioned expression never leaving her face.

    She then lay down on the floor, spreading her arms out like she had just a minute ago as her eyes stared at the grey clouds above us. “I really hate this you know,” she pointed out, her voice riddled with exhaustion. “Eric and Mac just died yesterday and yet I’m supposed to just sit around watching the clouds. That doesn’t seem fair to me.”

    I couldn’t say that I blamed Sarah, Eric and Mac’s, like many others, deaths were a surprise hit for me as well, having trained with the two for the longest time. However, as I had come to understand, we couldn’t let ourselves be bogged down by who was or wasn’t with us anymore. No, what mattered to me was making sure that Sarah stayed safe.

    She looked at me from the corner of her eye as she turned sideways to face me better, her hand stretching out to rest on the side of my face. “Thanks for yesterday, you really pushed yourself for me, as per usual,” she replied softly. Her voiced sounded genuine yet melancholic and her words dragged a bit, as if she was having trouble letting them out. “I’m sorry I always get us in tough situations, I push you too hard.”

    I shook my head at this. I didn’t mind pushing myself for her, she was my Trainer after all, it was my duty as her chosen Pokemon. She seemed to understand what I was thinking too, and yet, her expression only seemed to get sadder.

    “I dreamt about them last night.” Her voice was heavier now, forceful even. “The others, Ashley, my parents…I wonder how they’re doing.”

    The wind flew harder now, the whistling almost drowning out Sarah’s voice in my ears as I looked at her moving lips, my face falling slightly. “I remembered when we started at the academy too. It was the first time I left my parents since the first attack, you were so nervous you thought everyone was going to hurt me or something.” She giggled at this, making me blush in embarrassment and look away. “I’m so glad we’ve come this far, but that’s why I’m scared. I’m scared that all it takes is for us to slip up and then everything we’ve worked for…everyone that we’ve left behind, they’ll just go away.”

    I didn’t’ reply. I pondered on her words, my head craning back towards the clouds. Hearing Sarah’s words made me consider where our goals lied. While I was so focused on protecting her, it only seemed like she became even more concerned with protecting everyone else, even at the cost of her own life. Was I wrong or was she losing faith in her own life?.

    Unfortunately, our moment was ruined by the sound of the roof’s door being slammed open. We jumped when the smack of the door against the wall resounded, making me instantly take on a fighting position, only for my face to contort into a dry frown as the sound of laughter filled the air.

    “Are we interrupting anything?” came Darrel’s voice from the doorway. The dark skin man smiled at a distraught Sarah, who was still trying to catch her breath, as he made his way towards us, allowing Flare, his Charizard to walk in. I glanced at his right hand, noticing that he was carrying a pack of beer.

    “What the hell are you doing here?” Sarah asked in annoyance, glaring at Darrel, who simply kept laughing.

    “We heard you got the next two weeks off so we figured we’d take a couple of break days ourselves,” Darrel shrugged. He then pointed towards the door once more, just as Mareeha and her Lilligant, Andrea, walked in. Unlike Darrel, Mareeha seemed a bit embarrassed for her interruption and Andrea herself gave us a courteous vow before walking over to me and Flare.

    “Darrel said he was worried about you after yesterday and…well, so was I,” Mareeha replied, sitting down next to Sarah alongside Darrel. “We figured you’d be here training.”

    “Yeah, that was the plan,” Sarah said dryly, narrowing her eyes at me. She looked at the six pack with disdain. “Seriously? Eric just died.”

    Darrel’s expression fell upon hearing this. Nevertheless, he opened his can and drank some of the, disgusting, liquid down. “Yeah, that’s why I’m drinking, it’s to honor him and Mac,” he added dismissively.

    Sarah looked at her can for a moment, switching to glance at Mareeha who seemed a bit uneasy from the whole thing. She relented, opening her can and gulping down her beer. “I just don’t like the idea of us sitting here doing nothing!” she exclaimed as she lowered her can. “It’s already been ten years since the Ultra Beasts first appeared and we’re not closer to figuring out what they are. Their attacks are getting more regular too.”

    “Don’t you just miss the days when an Ultra Beast attack was a one year thing, like Christmas?” Darrel said absentmindedly as he drank more of the beer, uncaring for Sarah’s and Mareeha’s glares. He ended up addressing them anyways. “If you get pissed off with me then that’s your problem, I just want to have a day where I don’t have to worry about some alien coming down to kill me.”

    Sarah seemed like she wanted to retort, but she was quickly stopped by Mareeha, who let out a sigh. “We were supposed to spend the day resting and hanging out, please don’t fight,” she said sternly, making the other two glance at each other once more and nod their heads before going back to their beers.

    I rolled my eyes at this as me, Flare and Andrea separated ourselves from them. “Those guys let everything get to them,” I said with exasperation as I glanced to Flare, who kept looking at me oddly. “Everything okay?”

    “Oh. I just…I wanted to thank you for yesterday,” he said reluctantly, probably referring to my pep talk the day before.

    “Like I told you yesterday, I was just doing what was best for us to survive,” I clarified. Sure, I cared for Flare, but I didn’t want him to start thinking I’d just look after him every time he was in trouble.

    “Always so quick to clear things up aren’t you Sombra?” Andrea replied with a slight chuckle, I hated it when she acted like she understood my method of thinking, as if she was playing with a doll. “But either way, the way you two fought yesterday was great; we were only able to save as many survivors because of what you did.”

    “It was a close call,” I replied simply, glancing back at Sarah. “But thanks.”

    “Are you feeling okay though? I heard that you and Sarah pushed your link too much,” she stated, her voice sounding more concerned but with a hint of curiosity in it. I looked at her once more and sighed, hating how everyone was only talking about the fight the day before.

    “Yes, I’m fine,” I replied with exasperation. “I’m more worried about Sarah.”

    “When I’m worried about Darrel,” Flare began speaking, sounding oddly cheerful. “I usually go to him, spread my wings and hug him until he starts laughing, then he understands I’m worried and he tells me what’s wrong,” he explained in the most childish and naïve voice I had heard, which was a great feat considering he was a large winged reptile with a deep voice to begin with.

    “Yeah…I don’t think that’ll work here, buddy,” I replied as politely as I could.

    If only things had stayed that simple.

    A loud explosion filled our ears, my body tensed up with that familiar feeling, the feeling I got when they arrived. I turned around, looking at Sarah, Darrel and Mareeha as they turned towards the road that led outside of Castelia where the explosion had come from. Sarah’s face paled, eyes staring at the large hole that had opened what used to be a cloudy sky.

    They shouldn’t have been here this soon; we had relaxed based on that fact. Sarah looked at me immediately, her eyes filled with shock and fear. That’s when I realized where the explosion had come from. It was near Nimbasa City, the city were all the survivors were being taken.

    Sarah turned away from me, her hands shaking as she tried to process it all. Was it fear or anger? Either way, she stopped her hesitation by clenching her hands as hard as possible, so much that I thought blood would come out.

    “Let’s go,” she finally spoke, her voice hoarse as she turned around and began running to the door. Even though I followed after her I still couldn’t shake off that feeling of uncertainty, the feeling that I would have to fulfill Sarah’s request.

    ***

    All semblance of our day off vanished the moment we entered the North Base’s meeting room. Sarah and I sat on the end of the table, with Mareeha, Andrea, Darrel and Flare on either of our sides. The room filled up with soldiers and researches of different ranks quickly too, all talking loudly as they tried to figure out a plan of attack.

    “Everyone calm down!” Commander Chariens boomed. The room became eerily quiet immediately, with everyone turning to him in expectation for what he was going to say. I stared at the commander, understanding of the situation he must’ve been in; after all, any failure on our part fell on his head.

    He rubbed his temple in an attempt to gather his thoughts, a sigh escaping his lips as he stood up. “Professor Yiu, have you guys been able to come up with a reason as to why the Ultra Beasts are here this soon when it was estimated they wouldn’t be here until two months from now,” he asked, not letting go of his temple as he did.

    The researcher tensed up upon being called, his eyes looking around shiftily at everyone as he stepped up. He desperately moved his hand up to signal his colleagues to turn the lights off as he walked up to the front.

    Once the lights dimmed we were greeted by a large holographic map showing the area where the wormhole had appeared. It wasn’t my first time seeing it, but I still felt inclined to pass my paw through the hologram, transfixed by it.

    “As you all know, we had estimated that the next Ultra Beast attack should’ve happened in the coming months,” Professor Yiu began, his voice sounding fearful yet quick. “You see, um, the Ultra Wormholes, as the name entails, are essentially just rips in the universe that, uh, link our world to the Ultra Dimension, as we’ve dubbed it.” He moved his hand and the hologram zoomed onto the wormhole, showing us a detailed image of its shape and what was inside.

    “As you can imagine, ripping holes in reality is not an easy feat, so we’ve decided that was the reason why the Ultra Beasts attacks happened between really long intervals. They were essentially only able to come here when their bodies allowed them to. However, it seems like they grew more and more comfortable with every journey into our world, which made it easier for them to come in with time.” As he moved his left hand the hologram shifted once more, showing a bar with different dates on it as well as images of destroyed cities and town.

    “The first attack occurred 10 years ago in different areas of the world while the second one happened two years after that. The timeframe, as you can see here, began decreasing with each attack, usually by just a week or two at a time, each subsequent attack also occurred in specific areas instead of throughout,” he explained his voice calming down a bit as he spoke and turned to us.

    “This pattern helped us make rough estimates on when different Ultra Beasts would come in, it also allowed us to prepare for those attacks.” He took a breath at this, biting his thumb as he tried to figure out his next words. “We also used that time to create our own way of opening portals into the Ultra Dimension and explore it with the help of Sargeant Sarah and the other pilots. The original reason for this idea was to find the Ultra Beast’s nest or a way for us to permanently seal that dimension away.”

    “I understand all that,” Commander Chariens replied with a sagely nod, however, his eyes stared at Professor Yiu with deathly intensity even as he spoke. “But then why are they here only a day after their last attack? Worst case scenario, we still had three or so months until facing a problem like this.”

    “That, uh, well…we’re still looking into that,” the Professor answered nervously as the lights came back on. “We think that maybe opening wormholes to their world, however small and temporal as they were, could’ve linked our dimensions even more…but all of that is speculation.”

    I blinked as I listened to all of this, trying my best to wrap around what these humans were saying. Wormholes and dimensions, it all sounded so complicated compared to combat. I didn’t care about any of that either. Sarah seemed to share my sentiments as she impatiently tapped the desk with her index finger, probably eager to know what our strategy was going to be.

    “Well, thanks for that explanation,” Commander Chariens finally replied. It was obvious that the Professors words hadn’t helped in calming him down. “All scientists go back to your stations and continue to work on figuring this out. Everyone else stay here, it’s time for our battle plan.”

    I leaned back on my seat when I heard him, my full attention on his words as the men in lab coats walked out of the room, leaving only the soldiers, my comrades, behind. “All right troops, here’s our situation.” The lights dimmed and we were shown the map of the area once more, except this time the map focused on Nimbasa City. “The Ultra Wormhole opened approximately five miles away from Nimbasa near the desert resort; we deployed our forces in order to evacuate the city through the underground railroads.” He waved his hand, making the map swift through the city as the image of an abandoned rail system appeared.

    “All non-combatants will go and make sure that the inhabitants are able to get through the railroad. Meanwhile, the Umbra pilots will deploy and take on the Ultra Beasts, your mission will be to either take them out or give us enough time to properly evacuate everyone.” He glanced at us, his expression tightening a bit before giving us a nod. “I understand that you must still be recovering from your battle yesterday, but I ask that you give us your full cooperation once more.”

    Then we finally got what I was expecting most. The image of the city was replaced by a pair of figures. One of them was a paper-like creature with long blade-like arms. It had orange armor on its chest and head along with some kind of yellow spikes protruding from its arms. Its lack of a face was definitely troubling it, but I wasn’t going to let it get to me.

    The second creature looked even weirder. It was completely green, with floating arms on its side that resembled bamboo trees, even though they had some weird protrusions at the end that resembled fingers. The main body itself was in the shape of an arc, with a spikey head that lead down to a trunk like body and wide and round bottom. There were more protrusions coming out from the bottom, but these ones didn’t quite resemble feet.

    “The Ultra Beasts we’d be dealing with this time are Code 04 and 05 respectively,” Chariens began explaining, glancing at Darrel and Mareeha. “Code 04, Celesteela, can fly around faster than most Flying type Pokemon and it’s able to fire powerful blasts from its arms. Darrel, I’ll be counting on you to keep it distracted.” He glanced towards Darrel, who simply nodded his head before smiling at Flare. “As for Code 05, Kartana, I’ll have Mareeha keep it at bay on the ground. Watch out for its arms, while they resemble blades they can also fire powerful wind currents and even cut air, it’s also been reported that it can stretch them out like paper.”

    I turned my head towards Mareeha and Andrea, who were transfixed with the image of the Ultra Beasts. They were usually relegated to support thanks to Andrea’s endurance and far-range attacks, however, they would have to step into the main lines with only three pilots.

    Sarah and I glanced at each other expectantly, waiting to hear what our role was going to be.

    Sadly, that was not the case, as the commander immediately ordered everyone to prepare for departure. I could see Sarah’s frown become longer, her frustration rising as she stood up and walked to Chariens, making me roll my eyes.

    “Please tell me you’re not just going to keep me in the sidelines,” She said as soon as she reached him, not even bothering to hide her confrontational tone. Thankfully for the both of us, Chariens seemed to control his own temper and sighed.

    “Yes, that is the case,” he replied politely, glancing at her. “I gave you a two week leave, even if I were to take it away I still don’t trust that your condition has improved,” he then looked down at me, making me feel uneasy. “You should also think more about the burden that Sombra feels from fighting so much.”

    “We’re fine,”

    No we’re not.

    “Regardless,” the Commander continued, walking past us. “You’re not forming part of the mission.”

    “Mareeha’s gonna die,” Sarah stated, her tone bold and driven, so much so that I actually stood shocked when I heard her. “She and Andrea can’t possibly handle an Ultra Beast on their own, maybe they can keep it at bay while Darrel takes care of the other one, but Andrea is slow and even with Giga Drain she won’t be able to keep up,” she explained methodically, her eyes never leaving the Commander’s. “I request that you send us in as their support, sir. We can move faster than Kartana and distract it while they attack from afar.”

    The Commander groaned upon hearing her request. And yet, he didn’t refute her, he didn’t even seem to be entirely against the idea by his reluctant expression. I hoped he would say no, that he would double down on his orders and convince Sarah to sit this one out. I didn’t want to get back into It, and I didn’t want her to get into It either.

    But my hope was unfounded.

    “Okay, you can go in as support as long as you don’t push yourself too hard,” he stated, making my heart fall in my chest while Sarah’s chest rose with pride. “Go with the others and prepare.”

    “Sir, yes sir!” she yelled out with a salute before motioning for me to follow.

    My eyes stayed glued to her back for a moment, each stride she took making me feel even more uneasy about what we were doing. Why was I hesitating? It wasn’t our first fight, and even if Sarah wasn’t at one hundred it still depended on me most of all, shouldn’t I be more confident?

    Those questions and more filled my head as I walked; keeping my eyes glued to the path I had chosen.

    ***

    Everyone ran frantically around me as the Umbras were set up. Mechanics were making last minute check-ups and repairs; they still hadn’t finished the repairs from the day before, while their superiors watched over their work and made sure to recalibrate everything.

    “Will it be able to function, Roger?” Sarah asked the mechanic in charge of It, a man with tanned skin, short grey hair and a face wrinkled with stress. His face was completely black and his blue jacket and pants were disheveled.

    “Well, we managed to recalibrate the legs and repair the damage done to the Keystone Engine due to the electricity,” he stated as he glanced at the papers showing Its data. “I wanted to put a limiter on it to make sure you wouldn’t overdo it, but I guess it’s too late for that…”

    “Answer the question!” Sarah called out impatiently.

    The man frowned at her before letting out a sigh and scratching the back of his head. “It’ll work fine, maybe the reaction time between Sombra’s movements and the Umbra’s will be a bit slower, but it shouldn’t affect you too much,” he explained. He sounded sure of his words, but I could still feel a hint of uncertainty in them.

    “That’ll do.” Sarah’s confidence on the other hand radiated from every word she spoke. She had changed into her pilot suit, a simple figure hugging black suit with a yellow vest wrapped around her chest, for extra protection apparently. The suits were supposedly connected to the Keystone Engine via a compartment on the wrist, where the keystone would go. I honestly didn’t understand why the suit had to have such little fabric but it wasn’t my place to judge.

    She then took out the small, round, rainbow-colored stone and attached it to her wrist. I stared at it for a moment as it gleamed before glancing up at Sarah, who just stared at me with determination in her eyes. “Let’s go, girl,” she said, or rather ordered, as she put on her black pilot helmet and began making her way up to Its chest.

    I made my peace and began to walk up the steps that were connected to Its head, my battlefield. Scientists and mechanics followed after and guided me inside. I stared at the compartments that had become my second home with reluctance, the darkness standing out and reminding me of my fears.

    Nevertheless, I was made to step into the familiar panel at the center of the head as a small headset descended for the top, landing onto my eyes. Whirring sounds filled my ears as my legs were pinned down to the panel and a large backpack-like mechanism was attached to my back. How could something that could make me be so strong also make me feel so weak?

    “You ready to go, girl?” Sarah’s voiced filled my ears through the headset, her voice helping calm my nerves a little. I yapped in return, mostly to help her feel better, it’s not like she would’ve stopped even if I wasn’t okay. “All right, propulsion engines set. The Mind Linker is working at 98.5% but that should be good enough for you right?” she asked before she kept going. “The Keystone Engine and Infinity Energy Processor are perfect as usual, air dispensers as well. Okay, starting up Mind Link.”

    I closed my eyes as I heard this, the sound of the scientists working and the world around me fading slowly. I drifted, my thoughts drifting alongside me as I felt my mind becoming one with It.

    When I opened my eyes they were no longer my eyes. I was now It and It was me just as I had been many times before. But this time it was different, this time…I didn’t know if I would go back to being me.

    “Umbra #0010: Sarah Villareal and Sombra, taking off!”
     
  3. Elysia

    Elysia ._.

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    hi yes it's me did you miss me
     
  4. Flaze

    Flaze Don't Look Away

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    Barely :p Are you claiming this one?
     
  5. Elysia

    Elysia ._.

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    Hi, side note, I owe you like a billion reviews, so I tried to cram all of them into here. Please let me know if things don’t make sense/if there’s too much stuff going on.


    THE CONTINUITY STUFF

    So I read this story the first time through without reading Part 1, and then I read Part 1 and read this part again. I thought it was actually a different experience both times—this story is far more bleak without reading Part 1, but it’s enjoyable both ways, which is pretty neat in itself. You do a great job of establishing Sombra and Sarah early on and then jumping in straight where we left off, which is great—I got the feeling that there was a lot of history between the two of them, but I never felt like I was missing out on any key details.


    THE PLOT STUFF

    Your premises are as cool as ever, and mechas x Pokémon x Pacific Rim Ultrabeasts is a freaking awesome idea. I liked this placement in the story—while Part 1 was the earth-shattering battle of mechas hitting aliens, this was the quiet, darker counterpart where we really got to meet the characters beneath the armor, literally and metaphorically. This installment did a really cool job of taking a lot of the triumphs from Part 1 and turning them on their heads: we got heroic sacrifices in the last chapter, but this is really where we get to unpack what all of those sacrifices were actually for + what they mean.

    One of the ways you subtly added weight to your plot was by showing us the aftermath of the flashy fight from last time: we see the girl with and her Espurr, whose home just got destroyed; we see the group of soldiers mourning their fallen friend; we see the Pokémon trying to figure out how to look after their trainer. Adding in these subplots was a great way of trying to humanize this loss, and make it more than just the flashy battles that we were seeing before.

    And yet, buried beneath this tale of people coming together to face problems greater than yourselves, our heroic duo is falling apart:
    I liked how well this line culminated your break between Sarah and Sombra: Sarah is super excited to get back into things, to the point that she’s completely ignoring her partner—demonstrated by both all the emotional cues that Sombra’s been giving off before this, and the fact that the thing called “Mind Linker” is literally not at full capacity. It’s great! There’s this big ol’ ball of foreboding doom on the horizon and it looks like things are all going to fall apart.

    My one qualm is that the pacing of this story is a little weird. A typical, plot-driven story is structured like this: [​IMG] While your overarching story will also have a structure kind of shaped like this, each installment should roughly follow a certain structure as well, or else it looks weird. There’s a beginning, where the characters/world/conflict are introduced. In the middle, there’s some buildup and rising action, which comes to a head at the climax. The story then winds down to its endpoint, where it (hopefully) reaches a resolution.

    You don’t have to follow this structure, and you definitely don’t need a smooth triangle (i.e. you can have tons of conflicts and smol climaxes throughout), but almost every story falls into it on some level. What was weird to me was that the spiritual climax of this story is when Sombra flips shit and bites Sarah—it’s where we see the established conflict of Sombra’s own fears and their spiraling relationship come to a head, and where the most tension in the story is. We get their resolution after that (albeit a tentative one), and it seems like this could be a logical endpoint.

    But then there’s another conflict introduced when additional UB’s arrive. It’s perfectly fine to have several conflicts in one story, as already mentioned (and this one is really interesting + relates/exacerbates the previous conflict even more) and this one is building up to be something really great—

    And then the story ends.

    Cliffhangers are cool. They’re really great at keeping readers hooked. But cliffhangers are inherently sudden—you’re walking through the story, and then BOOM there’s a cliff/things all change. In this case, you were building up to a second climactic scene, and then the story ends all of a sudden with no resolution and no real conclusion for what any of that second buildup was for.


    THE NARRATOR STUFF

    First person narrator is a double-edged sword. It can be brutally effective when used correctly, giving us flawless insight into your narrator’s every thought, or it can be clunky and awkward.

    You’ll hear the adage ‘show, don’t tell’ over and over again in writing, but I would argue that it’s absolutely at its most important with a first person narrator. Because you have absolute access to your narrator’s every thought, you shouldn’t be telling anything that they’re feeling. You can’t—otherwise, you break that immersion.
    This is the line that we get right before the scene break leading up to the next UB attack, and I think you were trying to hype up the suspense/dread that Sombra’s feeling, but this line is a little flat to be supporting all that weight. You mention that Sombra “couldn’t shake off that feeling”, but that doesn’t fit with what she’s seen so far—it hasn’t been distracting her in her previous conversation, and we don’t really see her thinking about it during the scene itself. Because she’s the narrator, we have to assume that everything we’re reading is a direct reflection of the most important thoughts in her mind: so declarative statements like how she’s nervous about this don’t have much weight without prior explanation to back them up.

    New thought now:
    Another thing with first person narrator: it’s easy to try to ‘cheat’ the boundaries of the narrator’s knowledge by using wiggle words, like “probably” or “must’ve”—and this works, sometimes, if you have a speculative character who makes a lot of random accusations about people—but otherwise, it makes your narrator feel like they’re making up things as they go. Imagine if I said that the comma “probably” should be there, or Sombra’s name “maybe” should be capitalized. Sombra starts to lose authority, and it becomes harder to trust what she’s saying (which can totally be a good narrator look too, but I don’t think that’s what you were going for here).


    THE GRAMMAR STUFF

    Okay. We’ve been doing grammar and comma stuff together for years, now, but goshdarnit it’s gonna stick this time I promise <3 Bear in mind that sometimes you did these right, and sometimes you didn’t—and I couldn’t really find a pattern for correct/incorrect, so I just want over the rules for each case.
    When you’re addressing someone else, or talking about how they’re not the object of your sentence, you offset their name with a comma.
    means that you don’t know someone named Relina, when what you meant was to tell Relina that you don’t know what she’s asking you—
    It’s the same as the “let’s eat Grandma” vs “let’s eat, Grandma” debate. TINY CHANGE. I KNOW. But it makes a huge difference in readability. Imagine reading this sentence out loud—you’d totally pause where that comma is (which is also a good rule of thumb for figuring out where commas should go).

    SWITCHING GEARS. Non-essential phrases, conjunctive adverbs, things that kind of don’t matter to the meaning of the sentence but still add some quality to it—call it whatever you want.
    On the first readthrough, I thought that Sarah’s confidence was on her hand, and it wasn’t until I got to the end of the sentence that I realized you didn’t mean it like that. “On the other hand” is a phrase that you don’t actually need in the sentence: “Sarah’s confidence radiated from every word she spoke” is also a viable sentence. However, you put it in the sentence to provide contrast to stuff outside of the sentence—and that’s totally fine—but, because it isn’t really part of the sentence, you should offset it with a pair of commas:
    We do this with other bits of non-essential information, like the comma added around “not soon after we had left the medical tent” below:
    We can also do this when the phrase is at the beginning of the sentence, like the example below (comma added in bold):
    Last one for today.
    This is actually two sentences—“Even Pokemon were confused” and “after all, in the Wild you wouldn’t just go and attack another Pokemon’s turf…”—there are two separate sets of noun/verb, and they both stand without the other. However, you can’t combine two sentences with just a comma—you either need a comma and a coordinating conjunction + a comma (like and/but/or):
    or you can use a subordinating conjunction (with no comma):
    , or you can just split them up into two separate sentences
    Your call!

    In general, commas make your writing feel less breathless. There’s a lot of good ideas here, but sometimes they all run together—commas are natural pauses in reading/speaking, and they make things much cleaner.

    Let’s be real. On this level, after reading your fanfiction for, like, nearly a decade… we can definitely knock out those last few yards to having grammatically flawless writing. You hate it when my reviews are all about commas. I hate it in when my reviews are all about commas. Let’s fix that <3


    THE PRETTY STUFF

    Overall, your descriptions are solid and get the job done. My favorite bits were when you went into detail about the giant mechsuits at the end, but I think my absolute favorite bit of description was this one:
    Everything here is so gross and visceral. You have the early image of Sarah covered in snot and tears, and here, both she and Sombra are ugly and vulnerable and bleeding to each other. This does a great job of showing, in incredibly raw terms, how deep the relationship between these two runs. It’s this super dramatic, super dark image that tops off this incredibly heavy scene, and it’s all weird and twisty and broken on the inside, too. GOOD STUFF.

    Let’s talk variance, though, on two different scales. On the small scale, you tend to repeat words a lot between paragraphs:
    ‘Those’ is kind of a weird, flaggy word that we’re hard-wired to notice because of what it means: it isn’t these ones; it’s those ones. Ironically, it draws attention to itself, so use it sparingly—three times in three paragraphs is probably too much.

    On the macro scale—you have one very specific kind of sentence structure that you like to overuse a lot. It’s called a participle phrase, which I’m only naming because I like the shorthand. Let’s take a look at this dialogue exchange:

    Let’s dissect the participle phrase real quick, using the first underlined sentence: “Sarah asked, noticing their condition.”

    So that sentence bit basically has two parts. We’ll call [Sarah asked] Part A, and [noticing their condition] Part B. Part A is the actual sentence part: it’s a noun and a verb, so it’s a complete sentence. You don’t need anything else. Part B is cool and gives extra details, but Part A can grammatically stand on its own while Part B cannot. Part B is what the participle phrase. Their technical definition is a little hairy, but you can recognize them as most phrases that 1) have a word ending in ‘-ing’ and 2) modify the noun/verb part of your sentence. Here, Part B is modifying Part A: what’s happening to Sarah? She is noticing their condition.

    And participle phrases are great—you can do the quick and dirty description with the Part A, and then you can add a little more detail with the Part B. The thing is, almost all of your dialogue is formatted this way—it’s almost exclusively
    This lends a sense of redundancy to your writing that’s a little hard to place: each sentence has new content, but there’s something familiar about each sentence that we can’t quite place. And this sense of redundancy and repetition permeates all the way down, until it’s hard to focus on the new information because it keeps coming in the exact same structure. Mix it up a little! People are strange; they have weird quirks and the definitely don’t all act the same—let the events and characters in your story be framed by different sentence structures. They can be really long phrases with lots of extraneous information tacked on to prove a point, or short, or weird amalgamations & symbols and some punctuation: the kind that people don’t expect. You do have a solid grasp on grammar, so feel free to stretch your limits a little! It’ll make your writing feel a lot more fresh, which in turn breathes some life into your world.


    THE OVERALL STUFF

    This is one of your works with a smaller cast, and I appreciated the focus you were able to give your two main characters in particular. The way you portrayed their relationship (and hinted at its destruction) was really entertaining to read, and your backdrop of an apocalyptic world tied things together really nicely. While there were some areas for improvement—I would focus on the participle phrase thing most of all—they were largely cosmetic, and this was a really solid story befitting of a Demanding-rank capture ($40,000). Great work, and good luck to you in the finals of SWC![/quote]
     
  6. Elysia

    Elysia ._.

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  7. Flaze

    Flaze Don't Look Away

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    Well, in case you guys want to have a look at it in a different perspective, I've been posting Because You Were There over on the writer's workshop with edited chapters and new content. I figured I might as well add those changes here so I'll be doing that later. For now I'll be posting one of the new segments that I added for the story.

    This one's kind of on the short side as it was added to the last quarter of Part 1 (which is known as Part 3 in the fic) but here i'll be posting it on its own. It focuses on Sarah and Sombra's first adventure after setting out all the way back when Sarah was 15 and Sombra was but a little Eevee.

    Name

    The next few days after meeting Sarah were a blur to me, I couldn’t even properly get used to living at her house before we were out of it, walking through the forest around Nacrene City in the dead of night. The trees towered us, forming a roof that blocked out most of the moonlight shining down. It was all coupled with the moss covered trees on our sides and the sound of nocturnal Pokemon that added an air of unease to the night.

    The sound of the wind whistling behind us took over the air as we walked, with Sarah walking in front of me holding only a flashlight close to her as she stared at some kind of device strapped to her wrist for directions. How the device worked was beyond me, but I was happy to have it with us if it could get us out of that forest.

    “Ugh, I think we made a wrong turn.” Sarah groaned in annoyance, spinning around to face me and causing me to jump a bit at the sudden movement. My own fear seemed to lighten her mood as she let out a loud laugh. “At least I’m glad I’m not the only one scared. Though shouldn’t you be my brave protector?” she commented with a cheeky smile. I glared at her, ears spiking up as she glanced at her device once more. “I guess this is what we get for going out at night.”

    While I still didn’t fully understand what Sarah was saying, I did get an inkling to her frustration. She had decided to leave the house in the dead of night, most likely to avoid having to deal with her father’s refusal.

    I think that was the first time I realized that being a Pokemon was so much easier.

    “Okay, let’s head back to the entrance for now and start from the-“ Sarah began speaking, only for a loud series of squawking noises to fill the dead of night. Leaves rustled around us as multiple dark spots appeared in the sky above us. “Oh crap,” she mouthed, the murder of Murkrows becoming highlighted by the moonlight as they descended upon us.

    “Run away!” Sarah yelled out, quickly grabbing me from the floor before turning around and speeding back through the forest. I tried to gain my composure as I bounced against Sarah’s arm, my eyes staring at the group of Murkrow that were quickly gaining on us. I glanced at Sarah, then glared at the Murkrow.

    Was this the kind of Eevee I was going to be? Just letting Sarah carry me and run away from challengers?

    My ears perked up once more, resolve flashing in my eyes as I barked at Sarah. The girl turned to me, shock on her face. “You want to fight them?” She asked in shock, almost slipping on a branch due to her looking at me. “You’re crazy! There’s too many of them and…well, we still haven’t actually battled or made plans or anything!” she yelled out in a panic. She was right, we really should’ve trained up more before leaving.

    But I didn’t care. With my front legs I quickly struggled my body out of her arms and jumped off her shoulder, making her lose her footing due to the force of my push. Thankfully my sudden movement was enough to halt the murder of Murkrow as I landed, with each one of them scanning my smaller frame expectantly.

    I glared at them, moving my hind legs back and instinctively taking on a fighting stance. The Murkrows stared at me in turn, their expression blank as they exchanged looks with one another, only for a smirk to cross the leader of the pack. I barked loudly in an attempt to scare them off, but it was to no avail.

    The Murkrow let out a loud calling, pushing his lackeys onward and making them fly around us, with four of them covering my and Sarah’s back and the other three flying above me. “See, I knew this would happen,” Sarah muttered, crawling back on the floor as she turned to me. “What do we do?”

    I stood forward, attempting to reassure Sarah by willpower alone. Unfortunately my body didn’t seem to get the message, as I instinctively moved back, my ears and legs twitching in fear. Their beady eyes staring at us, waiting for a chance to pounce.

    This was the chance the Murkrow were waiting for, and thus they pounced on us, wings outstretched as they dove down to claw at us with their talons. Sarah dove forward, grabbing me and putting me in her embrace almost immediately as the Murkrow clawed at her back.

    I opened my eyes widely at this, staring up at her pained face as she tried to suppress her screams at being prodded by the Murkrow. Why was she protecting me like this? I was a Pokemon, we were made to take damage like this, weren’t we?

    Sarah bit her lip in discomfort, glancing down at me, her eyes watering as she tried her best to make her expression soft and reassuring, even as a bit of blood ran down from her lip.

    I gritted my teeth in frustration, the sounds of the Murkrow cawing filling the air in unison with the tightening of Sarah’s embrace.

    Finally I had enough, I pushed my head against Sarah’s chest, throwing her body, and the Murkrow, back to allow myself room to escape. “Wait, Eevee!” she called out desperately as our assailants seized their chance to attack me.

    I still can’t describe what came over me at that moment, all I know is that it was a feeling that, over the years, I had grown accustomed to. The surge of power coursing through my body, the confidence that I could triumph, it all pinnacled as I leaned my head back and, surprising everyone, fired a sphere of dark energy straight at the Murkrow.

    Granted, as I would come to know later, using this attack wasn’t the best course of action when fighting Pokemon such as Murkrow. Nevertheless, the act of fighting back was enough to make the Murkrow do a double take, a chance that Sarah didn’t doubt in taking before scooping me up and beginning to run into the trees once more, the branches obscuring us from our attackers.

    How far we ran was beyond me, but eventually Sarah stopped, either because we had managed to lose the Murkrow or because her body couldn’t hold on any longer. She fell to the floor, her body scratched up by branches and trunks from running downhill.

    I stared at her panting face, my face falling and wears drooping over my eyes. She seemed to notice this as she shot me an awkward expression before gently petting my head. “It’s okay, girl, you were just trying to fend them off,” she stated, though even she herself didn’t sound confident in her words. “If I were a better a Trainer I’m sure we wouldn’t have had any trouble, you really have spunk.”

    I just stared at her, still too ashamed to feel relieved. Sarah on the other hand stared at the sky, a look of wonder on her face. I stared as well, finally noticing the moon shining down on us. The moonlight spread throughout the clearing, completely lighting our way and giving us a clear view of the beautiful starry sky, twinkling lights shining above us and wiping away my earlier worries.

    “Still, that Shadow Ball was amazing,” Sarah finally replied, tapping her chin in thought. “Shadow huh…oh, I got it!” she exclaimed, surprising me with her tone. “Sombra, that’s your new name!”

    I stared at her, cocking my head to the side in confusion, which in turn seemed to confuse her. “I guess that’s a bit much…but it sounds so cool doesn’t it!”

    Blinking, I licked her face, issuing a laugh from her. “I’ll take that as a yes,” she laughed, petting my head more.

    At the time I didn’t fully understand what a name was, or even what my name meant. But even so, somehow I felt like I had gotten closer to this girl, like I had found a new home.
     
  8. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    claimaroo<3
     
  9. Flaze

    Flaze Don't Look Away

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    I kind of feel bad for posting this so soon after I posted the last one, which hasn't even been rated yet xD; so don't hate me for this.

    We continue with the string of disconnected flashback chapters this time with one taking place after the Ultra Beasts first attacked. The next couple of individual chapters leading up to Part 3 will also focus on flashbacks.

    This chapter is 13541 and since I already got an Umbreon...I'll just ask for money if it's oka.

    Choice

    Television had surprisingly become a good friend of mine throughout my life. It was a convenient way for me to learn more about human language and customs, that had always interested me. With time Sarah picked up on this and even let me watch stuff with her on her computer.

    There was nothing better than those days when we were all huddled up and laughing together.

    But television had taken a different meaning in the years after the Ultra Beast's first appearance. It wasn't any longer about watching cheesy romantic comedies or hearing Sarah complain about how “Everything had explosions now”. Instead, we stayed glued to it for the news, careful in case another attack rocked our worlds suddenly.

    Or at least that's what I told myself as I focused on the newscast in front of that familiar, and dreaded flat screen. The coverage on the news was Aquacorde Town. The news lady walked through the field of fallen homes and buildings, with the camera continually focusing on the people and Pokemon that were still trying to pick their lives back up.

    "…with the fall of Aquacorde's port after the Ultra Beasts second attack, the town, once recognized for its fishing and shipyard, has been unable to recover fully. The Kalos Government has issued multiple briefings in regards to funding for the town. Sadly these haven't amounted to anything," the newswoman droned on. My eyes didn't focus on her though. They fell on a small family that had gathered behind her a steaming bowl of soup in front of them. Their crestfallen faces shone through the light of the flame as they tried their best to turn away from the camera.

    Frustration coursed through me,I lowered my gaze. Even after a year and a half there still wasn't much information on what those beings were. Even the name “Ultra Beasts” had started out as an insensitive joke that spread across the internet. It was a fitting name, but one that didn't express how destructive and monstrous they were, even to us Pokemon.

    "Let's change this. It's getting depressing," I heard Mina call out from the sofa behind me, I saw her hand going for the remote from the corner of my eye. I turned my head, glaring at her and growling, which in turn caused the Floatzel to stop in her tracks. She retreated her hand, a guilt-ridden expression on her face. "Sorry boss…" she trailed off, turning away from me.

    "That wasn't nice," Relena whispered beside me.

    I turned towards her; a frown still etched on my face. "Ultra Beasts or not, she has to remember her place," I said. I was always the leader, I wasn't going to give up, no matter what.

    Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go back to the newscast either way. The sound of Sarah's parents yelling in the background started seeping into my ear, I had to acknowledge what I was trying so hard to ignore.

    "You're serving too much rice. If we don't save it, then we'll run out before week's end!" I heard Sarah's mother shout, her voice tired and desperate.

    "I've been working my ass off behind a shelf so that we can have any food at all. I can damn well eat as much as I please," Sarah's father yelled back in a rage. The sound of a plate being slammed on the table echoed throughout the house shortly after.

    "They're fighting again," I heard Ice Cream muttered.

    Rolling my eyes was the best I could do. After all, Sarah's parents had taken us all in after the attack in Castelia. Sarah herself wasn't too happy about the ordeal and had vowed that we would get back on our feet soon enough.

    But then the second attack happened, and the League suspended all activity, even prohibiting Trainer Journeys and suspending work at Pokeball factories until further notice. I don't know the specifics of why they took that choice, only that it killed our dreams of reaching the Pro League.

    I wish I could say we things had improved. But, sadly, that wasn't the case.

    "When do you guys think Sarah will get back?" Kale, Sarah's Roserade, asked. She had been sitting next to Mina and had chosen to stay quiet, but the sight of Sarah's parents arguing had brought on her curiosity about the topic we were all trying to avoid.

    "Who knows at this point," Mina sighed in frustration and leaned against the sofa. "Last time she was gone for a week. Frankly, I'm starting to think our Trainer's reached the end of her road."

    "Don't say that," Relena raised her beak, staring the Floatzel down. "Sarah will return like always. We just have to be here when she does. Right?"

    Relena turned to face me. I couldn't back her up on it though. Even I had started to have my doubts about what Sarah was planning. She had grown so distant, yet indifferent to us and everyone around her and insisted on keeping us at a distance no matter what she did; whether it was leaving for days on end or staying holed up in her room.

    As if on cue, the sound of the older humans arguing was silenced by a loud screeching. My teammates stood up, sticking their heads out towards the door. So did Sarah's parents.

    "Wow, I didn't know I had a cavalry waiting for me," Sarah said, closing the door. She walked into the house, her body swinging as she kept her hand glued to whatever was beside her. "What? you guys look like you've seen a ghost," she chuckled.

    We all stared at her as she sauntered in, trying her best to get her balance. Her father was the first one to step up, his face filled with disdain. "You were gone for three days."

    "Yeah? So what?" Sarah replied with a smirk, sidestepping her dad. She turned back to him, a mocking expression on her face. "Excuse me, officer. Please don't throw me in jail for wanting to have some fun!" she called out. "Oh right. You're on desk duty now,"

    "Sarah, stop it. We were really worried about you here," her mother warned, only for Sarah to push her aside as she passed.

    "Oh, now you worry about me, that's rich," She turned back towards them, the tension in the air rising quickly as well gathered beside them. I raised my ears and took a pouncing position, ready to defuse the situation if it escalated too quickly.

    My movements seemed to have alerted her. She turned to face me, her head leaning back in a daze. "Oh hey Sombra, what? Gonna bite me again?" her quiet laughter didn't help in alleviating the sting of her words. I remained ready anyway.

    "Stop acting like a brat," her father yelled. He got so close to Sarah that I honestly thought he was about to punch him. He held back, but I could see the desire in his clenched fists. "At least your pets help your mother around the house and guard the place."

    "So I'm useless now?" She laughed, holding her hand up to her forehead as she turned towards her bedroom.

    "When you go off for days on end and only come back to stay locked up in your room in front of a screen, yes, you are a useless brat!"

    "Gene!"

    "Don't hold me back here Maurine. I've been patient with her. I can understand how she feels," he turned towards his wife for a moment, only to look back at Sarah. His face riddled with anger and pain. "You know I was never up for the whole Trainer schtick, especially after you decide that it was best to run away. But I accepted it; I supported you."

    "But now that the League is done with it's time for you to stop playing games. If you don't, then you can just leave."

    Sarah didn't say anything. She kept her gaze stuck on her bedroom door, the same room where we had exchanged our greetings. Then, she let out a sigh loud enough to calm me down. "I know."

    Slowly she turned around, her face now turning tired and beaten down. "I hope this will be useful enough for you."

    She took out her phone slowly and held it forward for us to see.

    It was moments like these where I was proud of my eyesight, it was just enough for me to make out the phone's screen.

    The screen showed a page adorned with flat shades of grey and white along with white letters that could jump out at anyone's eyes. At the top of the page was a large image showcasing a group of men and women, all lined up next to each other and saluting. They were dressed in overly formal clothing, with lots of medals donned on their chests.

    I remembered seeing images like that on TV or Sarah's computer before. They were supposed to represent the groups humans used to fight against each other. Similar to how Pokemon packs had protectors that took care of safeguarding their specific clan.

    Just that thought made me dread what Sarah was going to say, but none of it prepared me for what the page said right below the picture.

    "The International Defense Force Needs You-It's Time to Take the World Back"

    "What's this?" Sarah's father's eyebrow furrowed, his expression turning sceptical.

    "Sarah, you can't seriously be thinking-" her mom interjected, only for Sarah to lower her phone and nod her head.

    "I've been thinking it for a long time," her voice sounded resolute, confident. It was like the days before we went off to a tournament. "I tried getting back on my feet. I tried finding something else to do. But I just…I just can't."

    She moved back, her voice breaking a little bit and causing my expression to fall with hers.

    Looking at Sarah standing there, unsure, it made me regret the way I had acted with her before and after the tent.

    That day had changed our dynamic, whether I wanted to or not. She wouldn't admit it, but it had. She had retreated and trusted less in us, not at first. In fact, at the start things went back to normal quickly.

    Things changed once the second and third attacks happened and all League related events were put on indefinite hiatus. Then she just started drifting apart, focusing on the Ultra Beasts and the news as if it was the only thing she could do.

    "So this is your choice?"

    "Yeah."

    Sarah's father retreated upon hearing this, closing his eyes before he began walking back to the table.

    "Please reconsider this," his mom said, turning towards her daughter and slowly sliding her hands onto her shoulders. But Sarah wouldn't look back. "Going off on a journey is one thing. This-this is practically suicide."

    "Not if I can do something. Those things just keep coming at us, and we're not even sure on how to take them down!" She lifted her hand up, gently sliding her mother's hands off of her shoulder. "I'd rather take that risk and feel like I'm doing something than just sit back and pretend that everything will go back to normal tomorrow."

    Her mother's lip quivered a bit before she too rescinded. Her eyes tightened as she tried her best to hold back her words, or maybe they were tears.

    I took that as my cue and walked towards Sarah, following behind her as she opened the door to her room. I turned back to the others and signalled for them to follow. We had to at least hear her out as a team.

    I saw Pivot close the door behind him once we walked inside, leaving the room in complete darkness, save for the moonlight that shone through Sarah's window; the same window where the two us had first held hands. Now, on the spot where I had once stood where a bunch of dust-covered boxes. The shine of the moon reflected on the trophies that peeked through them, only for it to highlight the dust that they too had gathered and filled all of our hearts with regret.

    Sarah let out a heavy sigh as she fell on the chair in front of her computer, the screen opened to show a bigger more expansive version of the page she had displayed on her device. She leaned back, her body flexing against the back of the chair as she let her arms fall back. She stuck her gaze to the roof, leaving us with expectation.

    "Okay," she finally spoke. She pushed her body back forward and stared at all of us, retaking that confident look from before. "I know you guys probably think I've lost my mind too. I don't blame you, it's not like I've trained you to fight on a battlefield or something," she smiled slightly at this, petting Mina's fur a bit as she did. "But I'm sure that this is where I'm meant to go next. Unfortunately, I can't take all of you with me."

    My eyes and ears shot up upon hearing her, staring at her in disbelief and discomfort. Was she going to leave us, me, behind? The thought of it was enough to make my footing slip a bit, prompting Relena to support me.

    "You see, whatever these guys are cooking up, it seems like they're asking for candidates to bring a Pokemon of their choosing," she said, leaning back once more, except that this time she raised her left leg and rested it on the chair, wrapping her arms around her knee. "I've been doing some digging, and rumors say the government is building something meant to take down Ultra Beasts. I guess this relates to that."

    "But either way. Whether I want to or not I can only take one of you with me," she frowned and continued to stare at us once more. She couldn't keep her gaze up for too long and instead rested her forehead on her knee. "I don't have the heart to choose one. So I'll let you guys pick amongst yourselves, it's the least I could do with the way I've acted lately."

    She said that, but her decision only managed to make the weight that had fallen on us harder. Not only was Sarah leaving for something that could potentially kill her, but she also wanted us to choose the one that would accompany and watch it all happen.

    Without saying anything more she stood up and walked out of the room. Her hand rested on the door's ledge for a moment, as if she wanted to add something else, but she eventually closed the door behind her.

    Saying that we were all confused and hesitant to speak was an understatement, even I had trouble understanding what was going on. I glanced at everyone, and everyone glanced at me in what was a surprisingly comical moment amidst all the tension. Pivot played with his ear absentmindedly while Ice Cream just floated around, the eyes on both of his heads glancing around frantically.

    "So what shall we do?" Kale was the first one to interject, crossing her rose-like arms together as she stared at Relena and me. "Our master has made up her mind, and I think we all know that we can't exactly change it."

    "This-this is true," Relena nodded her head. She looked at me, expecting me to answer for her.

    "Of course there's only one thing we can do!" Mina shouted. "We wanted her to be our Trainer again right? Might as well follow her wishes or whatever."

    "Even if that means l-letting her d-die," Ice Cream argued nervously, his body shivering as his spoke and let out a cloud of powdered snow.

    "Why do you guys have to assume she will die?" Mina's voice became a lot louder now, so much so that she made Ice Cream float back and almost hit the desk. "Whoever goes with her would have to do a pretty shitty job not to be able to come back," she glanced at me for a moment, as if challenging me. "Right leader?"

    "Why are you looking at me?"

    "Well. You're the leader right. Or are you saying you weren't planning on going?" She questioned a slight grin on her face. So she was challenging me. "All your posturing is worth Rattatta crap now huh?"

    "Mina!"

    "Leave her," I was oozing with contempt. "She's right; I'm the leader. I should be the one to go."

    "You don't h-h-have. S-Sarah asked u-us all to c-c-c-choose."

    "We would've all chosen Sombra anyway," Pivot spoke, letting go of his ear but keeping his gaze away from all of us.

    I couldn't turn back now, not even if I wanted to. "If you're all okay with it," I glanced at Mina, half expecting her to add something. Instead, she stayed quiet and turned away from me. "I'm Sarah's starter. I can't let any of you take that burden."

    "But-"

    "It's okay Relena," I said reassuringly. I turned towards her, my face almost breaking when I saw her trying to contain tears. "You've been a great second in command. Now, I must go forward alone."

    I stepped forward, now taking my place in the center of our makeshift circle as I basked in the moonlight. The memory of the night in the tent came flooding back to me, the expression in everyone's and especially Sarah's face still vibrant to me. Maybe things had already changed then. Perhaps they were never going to go back no matter what.

    If so then, I had to move forward. Even if it meant throwing my own life away.

    That was the vow I made that day as everyone, the comrades that I had grown to trust, watched in awe and fear.

    That was the day I decided to walk alongside her. Alongside the person that gave me my name.
     
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  10. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    a grade for Name!

    Story

    An excellent first paragraph starting off ^^ We're here with an adventure story and we know that something's amiss in the dark of night! I'm excited to see, already, what will come up! The descriptions you've got opening the first paragraph really immerse us, and we're all good to go!

    I like the perspective you take. Sombra's looking back on these experiences, which adds an additional layer of nostalgia to the mix besides the "trainer's first day" or rather "first night" saga! The statement "I think that was the first time I realized that being a Pokemon was so much easier," combined with "while I still didn't fully understand was Sarah was saying" set us up for some pivotal moments in Sombra's growth. They're subtle and they're there and they go along way towards character building!

    We've got an adorable, good ending here. I love naming ceremonies. While there's nothing particularly shocking here, I think the simplicity of this story here was one of its strength. Trainer defends her Pokemon from a murder of Murkrow, and it's the moment Sombra realizes she's in here for the long term. Great job!

    Description

    The little details go a long way. I appreciate that you added the tidbit about Sarah almost slipping because she's in so much distress; Sombra barking here was fantastic, bringing back home the fact that she's an eevee still.

    If anything, I would encourage you to say more. When Sombra feels the "surge of power" rushing through her, what exactly does that feel like? What sensations would you liken it to? In a similar vein, when you say "the sound of nocturnal Pokemon" or "the sound of the wind whistling behind us," what exactly does this sound like? In the former, I think you could have named these "the roars of nocturnal Pokemon" or "the wind whistling behind us" would be strong enough. The more specific you can get with conveying exactly what you mean and foregoing these filler words, the stronger your writing will be. But all in all, you did have solid description throughout!

    Grammar

    A small thing, but here there would be a hyphen between moss and covered because it's a compound adjective. They're working together to form one modifier. This is a tricky thing, but if you're ever confused about if words need the hyphen between them or not, try omitting one word and asking if it would still make sense. "covered trees" or "moss trees" is not the same thing that would be expressed, so hyphen it is!

    very small, but always a good reminder to proofread! this is a giant story in the scheme of things, so it makes sense to miss something here or there, but a proofread can nab easy typos like this!

    An old enemy of yours - the run on sentence. Oh no! Run ons are hard because they're so pervasive in everyday speech. To summarize things a bit from the last grade, a full sentence is one with a complete subject and verb. In the above, I've bolded your complete sentences and have also bolded / underlined a phrase that followed which was also a complete sentence. The italics show a gerund phrase, one with "ing" and modifiers, or otherwise a sentence fragment.

    We want to connect these just because they're a lot to mentally process. Placing a semicolon or a period where the complete sentence ends makes for a smoother transition overall. These are tough, and my suggestion starting out is to actually read your writing out loud. When you need to take a breath naturally is where you would place that full stop via a semicolon or a period. Here's what these sentences would look like corrected:

    You will get these down! I know you will!

    Length

    I've got you at 7,343 characters here, which is perfect for what this was! A smooth introduction to the bond of a trainer and her Pokemon!

    Outcome

    Overall, this was great! We see Sarah and Sombra working together here for the first time! It's a very special moment in their budding relationship and it was a joy to read! For future stories, I would challenge you to specify your description as much as you can, to proofread, and to look out for run-ons. Great job, I think this certainly merits a Simple - 5k Cash Capture! Stay writing this beautiful piece!
     
  11. Smiles

    Smiles Member

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    coming back again as promised, let's dance

    claiming Choice!