Beach cave

Connor,Grovyle and Braixen were starting there first mission for the aether foundation,and that was to explore a place located to the south of melemele island.There had been a new island discovered recently,and Connor was assigned by Lusamine to explore it.The small boat he took from the aether foundation landed on a little beach.There farther down the beach was a small cave.

After contacting Faba that he made it safely,Connor,Grovyle and Braxien went into the cave.The cave was dark and damp.Fornutley Braixen set her stick on fire,So Connor could get a vision on the cave.After venturing deeper something could be heard crying in the water.Braixen seemed scared,but grovyle didn't seem one bit afraid.Connor ordered Braixen to shine the flare around until the Pokémon could be seen.The sound could be directed to a rocky corner.Connor and Grovyle approached this corner with caution.

Braixen shined the light on the corner.Connor and Grovyle were shocked to see this Pokémon!It was a Piplup!The wild piplup seemed to be in bad condition.Grovyle was ready to use leaf blade,but Connor told him to hold back.Connor went into his bag and grabbed an oran berry.He offered the berry to piplup,but true to its nature,Piplup refused.Connor didn't know what to do.

Suddenly The wild piplup used ice beam on Grovyle.This took Connor by surprise.Grovyle was ready for leaf blade,But Connor knew that any move Grovyle uses would definitely knock out piplup.Then without any command from Connor,Braixen Used flamethrower on piplup!Luckily it didn't knock out piplup.However it did cause a burn.Connor scolded Braixen for attacking without his command and Braixen took it because she knew it was the wrong thing to do.

Connor knew there was only one way to save piplup and that was by catching the penguin Pokémon.However Connor only had one Net ball.Connor thought about false swipe from Grovyle,but the burn from flamethrower earlier on would knock piplup out.He knew that if this net ball didn't catch piplup,There would be no saving him.

Connor held his breath and Took the net ball out of the bag.Grovyle and Braixen stood back.Connor knew what was at stake here,and he couldn't fail.Connor finally threw the nest ball at piplup.Piplup entered,but would it stay in the ball?

 

Okay, I'm gonna just say now that this story isn't long or complex enough for a hard-ranked Pokémon, unfortunately. However, if you want me to grade it anyway so I can point out some things I noticed and help you improve as a writer, let me know!

(Also it's worth noting that Piplup, like all starters, is available in the Pokemart).

 

You can grade if you want.This was just a test run I did for fun.Do you think this story is worth giving money?

 

Because it doesn't reach 3k, which is the minimum recommended character count for an Easiest rank story, I'd say you should probably fix it up first before submitting for money. However, I'm really not an expert, so I'd suggest talking to someone like Elysia or Smiles for more information on submitting stories for money, cause they're smart and know more than me.

I'm also claiming this for grading!

 

Would appreciate it if you graded it

 

Hi Cmann and WELCOME to the URPG Stories section! Here, you can write for Pokemon and money. This guide elaborates on how exactly this system works, what graders are looking for when they review your stories, and how to bring out your potential as a writer. Although this piece is 2.2k with characters (we always count characters with spaces in the URPG), length is more of a guideline than an absolute requirement towards achieving your capture target. Origami's fabulous and will provide a lot of useful tips for your writing. If you have any further questions once she has posted your review, please feel free to reach out to us (Ely and I, as well as other graders) via Discord or PM. Have fun!

 

Plot: First off, I really really like the idea you have here about writing a story about the everyday life of an Aether employee. There's very few stories about the villainous teams on here and it's always so fun to see them told from an alternate perspective, not just the usual intrepid trainer. And since the Aether Foundation is more mysterious than most of the teams, that goes double.

However, the fact that your main character works for the Aether Foundation has very little bearing on the plot. If we removed a couple sentences near the beginning, this could be just another story about a trainer catching a Pokémon. Which is absolutely fine for a lower-ranked Pokémon, don't get me wrong! But it's also very standard and basic, and once you start going for Hard-ranked Pokémon like Piplup, you're going to want a bit more complexity in your plots. Take a look at the writing encyclopedia here for more info on the ranks, what's expected of each one, where each Pokémon is ranked, etc.

You don't have to end your story with a shaking Pokeball! That's a perfectly fine ending, but it also limits your options drastically when it comes to endings. Just for future reference.

Grammar: There were a few consistent mistakes that I noticed. The first and biggest is that you don't put spaces after your punctuation, such as commas and periods. Happily, this is also super easy to fix. Just add spaces!

It's just a tiny fix, but it makes a huge difference. Without spaces, it sort of looks like all your sentences and phrases are running into each other.

Your capitalization is also a little wonky. There's a few proper nouns, such as 'Aether Foundation' and 'Melemele Island', that ought to be capitalized, because they're names of things. And likewise, if it isn't a proper noun, the first word of a sentence, or the word 'I,' then it shouldn't be capitalized. So things like 'the' and 'took' in the middle of the sentence shouldn't be capitalized. This also extends to your title- usually, you capitalize every word in your title except for words like 'the' and 'a' (again, unless it's the first word, cause English is weird as hell).

Also for capitalization, I'd suggest either capitalizing all 'Pokémon' words (like names of Pokémon species, names of moves, names of Poke Balls) or none of them, just for the sake of consistency.

Description: There wasn't really any description, that I saw. Now, this is absolutely fine for lower-ranked stories, but if you decide to reach for higher ranks (and I really really hope you will!) description is a necessity. Just a few adjectives here and there can make a huge difference. If nothing else, it's always great to describe your main character so the reader can picture them as they go through the story.

Length: I already mentioned this, but this is far below the parameters for a Hard-ranked Pokémon. Now, those are just guidelines to shoot for, not actual hard rules, and I'd rather see a story shorter than the minimum than a story stuffed with unnecessary material to force it up to the minimum, but you still want to be somewhere close to them, because they mean that your story has around the necessary detail and complexity for its rank.

Other Stuff: Welcome to the Stories section! I hope I haven't scared you off with all this- I'd love to see more stuff from you!

And... Piplup is not caught. Unfortunately, as I said before, this doesn't meet the standards for a story to catch a Hard-ranked Pokémon. However, I do think if you clean up your grammar a little and maybe add in some description, even try playing with more complicated plots, you'll be catching story Pokémon like a pro soon. In the meantime, though, I'd suggest going for Easiest and Simple Pokémon to get a bit more practice writing!

 

Thanks for the advice.Will definitely consider writing in the future.