Andromeda's Pirates: The Anchor of Two Worlds [WaR]

Spoiler

So there are some pirate and Greek myth references; SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT THEM ALL!
#firstWaRstoryIactuallydid #goals

Also I'll probs edit some info in here at some point for reference or w/e, I'm tired and need to post this.

Warning: This story contains some death and drinking

Andromeda's Pirates: The Anchor of Two Worlds​

“The Earth Empirical Navy were quick on his tail! They drew their solar sails high, latching onto every last photon expunged from the nearest star: Alpheratz in Andromeda. Cannonballs whizzed like comets through the nebula as Captain Cofresí commanded his ship in and between the deathly projectiles. The most famous Space Pirate Captain of the 31st century, who enriched himself from the diamond comet colonies of Scorpius to the sweltering, gold-laden planets of Oort, the captain who snaked his way out of the shackles of Earth's and PokeWorld's laws, the dashing, black-bearded man that could talk the crown off a king, was nearing his fateful end as the navy ships from Earth's Empire enclosed on their prey.



“One of the Earth Empirical Navy ships shot out a well timed cannonball that blasted through the main engine of Captain Cofresí's ship: the Astral Orca. Cofresí, distraught yet in luck, noticed an uncharted turquoise plant off the bow of the ship; it was the mythical planet Mundu Galdua, the Lost World. He acted quickly and made a pact with Ouranos, Greek God of the heavens of which they sailed upon. He promised the deity his beautiful daughter, named after the same galaxy for which he had plundered all of his loot, to be Ouranos' new wife, only if Ouranos would sink Cofresí's ship onto the mythical planet and into the spirit world where none could find his vast collective wealth. Ouranos agreed and with a thunderous split of the heavens, he took Cofresí's daughter and sank his ship to the spirit world on Mundu Galdua, leaving the Earth Empirical Navy in awe as the planet, ship, and all it's bountiful contents vanished as a ghostly nebula took their place.



“Rumor has it that a few member's of Cofresí's crew made it off the planet, but were caught by the Earth Empirical Navy. They speak of a bizarre anchor on the mythical planet unlike any anchor they've worked with, with seaweed like tendrils, and an aura that radiates life, as if the anchor itself is alive! They say, with the anchor hitched onto a ship, any ship can pass through the living and spirit worlds, meaning, any captain with the anchor under their control can go into the spirit world and claim Captain Cofresí's bounty as their own! All the riches, all the gold, all the objects of myth and stories, all theirs!”



A crowd of half drunk, scar-riddled men and women sat in wonder around the man who had just finished his story. The man, overcome with enthusiasm, found his foot up on the barrel he had been sitting on. His flashy tight pants and tucked-in, poofy, white shirt indicated he was a pirate, if it weren't also for his eye patch, headscarf, and obvious need for a shower. The tavern, rich in grunts and sloppy beer, continued it's background noise of hearty fiddle music and men drinking.



“Well,” a man in the crowd spoke out, breaking the silence, “why doesn't someone go and find this anchor?”



The man standing on the barrel took his large black boot off, adjusted his scarf covering his lice infested hair and responded, “Dear, sir. You don't believe all us pirates from Earth to Sagittarius A and every space navy man in between haven't tried looking for Mundu Galdua?”



“Well why can't they?” a scrawny lad squawked out.



“Mundu Galdua, the Lost World, is unchartable!” the pirate exclaimed, sending “oohs” through the drunken crowd. “It's said to float in between Andromeda's stars, through deadly and mysterious nebulae that shelter nightmarish monsters! But it doesn't follow an orbit. No one has ever successfully landed there because no one ever plans on encountering it! It simply vanishes without a trace and reappears at opportune times.



“Some say, there's a being on the planet that drives this mysterious force. Others say it's the anchor itself, pulling the planet into the spirit world to avoid disaster or notice...”



“Lars!” a raspy, mean accented voice bellowed from behind the crowd, making a few of the more inebriated members jump in their seats. “I thought-e I sent ye to find us a new navigator!” The voice accentuated every syllable, as if it pained the speaker to utter sound.



A towering figure loomed over the drunks glaring down at the man who had been story telling the whole time. His rouge coattails drooped on the shoulders of one of the patrons, with gold buttons clinging as they dangled in the air. The patron moved the coattails to find that the man's braided bead gleaming from intertwined jewels. The man looked down, matching the patron's eyes with his own sea blue and scarred pupils.



“Commodore Acrisius,” Lars replied meekly, “yes, of course, captain! And I have!”



Acrisius rose his head to glare at Lars as he questioned, “Where?”



“Over here, my captain, by the bar drinking a whiskey,” Lars replied, leaving the bewildered crowd to showcase a young lad sitting on a wooden stool.



The boy, dressed modestly in black trousers and a tucked in white shirt, grasped his glass of whiskey as the two pirates came closer. He tossed the drink back, brushing his dirty blond curls out of his eyes at the same time, as he prepared himself for his first encounter with the Commodore.



“This is Perses,” Lars introduced.



“And what makes ye qualified to advise me where I take my fleet, laddie?” Acrisius growled.



“Well, I uh-” Perses stuttered. He rubbed his neck pretending his throat was just sore and not that his nerves were getting the best of him; his tan skin shot sweat out like bullets as he mustered the courage to reply, “I recently graduated from the Earth Empirical Naval School of Navigation a year early, sir- captain- commodore, sir.”



Acrisius' eyes intensified; the scar tissue on the upper and bottom eye lids of his left eye bundled. His bushy eyebrows pushed in the bit of fat on top of his nose outward like a popping pustule, as he delivered a shifty gaze at Perses.



“And just why, have ye decided to join one of the galaxies largest pirate fleet? An boy like yeself don't belong on one of me decks! We're rougher than they be, we're not as kind-e, me crew with eat ye-alive.”



“Please, Commodore,” Perses explained, “I was not very well liked by my class. That is... I was too smart for them. I would outclass my peers in every exam! They, of course, did not take so kindly to that. When we graduated, they tampered with the papers and I ended up last in my class. Now I can't find a decent job, even though I believe I have solved the Lost Planet conundrum!”



Acrisius' eyes grew sharply with intrigue. He turned quickly to Lars who had waited in silence until this moment.



“Oh, I know captain,” Lars began, “when he first told me too, I thought he was full of it.”



“And isn't he?” Acrisius chimed in.



“Well at first I thought so,” Lars continued, “some young boy, recently graduated, can't find a decent navigating job, telling tall tales about the Lost World and how he's figured out it's orbit. But he has it all written down and mapped out! He can show you, like he did me. After that, I thought to myself, 'Lars, ya done good. Go have a drink!' and so I did. Got to talking, and some people here have never heard of Mundu Galdua, can ya believe that?! So I was telling them all the story and that's when you came-”



Lars went soaring into the air as Acrisius held him high by the cuff of his shirt.



“Ye don't be doing such simple-minded things!” Acrisius yelled. He dropped Lars who fell to the floor as he continued a bit softer, “We need not to advertise our knowledge on such affairs.” He looked over at Perses who's blood was still racing from Lars' throttle. “Show me.”



Perses took out a star map titled Andromeda and placed it on the bar. There were dots with asterisks and words written on the columns of the map as Perses explained, “The planet doesn't have a normal orbit, but everybody knew that. Most people thought it was an elliptical orbit that flung itself in and out of neighboring nebulae, but that's not true. The planet, based off of known appearances around all the stars in the constellation, actually orbits them all! It's sort of like a figure eight, except it's more of a figure squiggle as it just slingshots from one star to the other!



“It's sudden disappearances are probably due to the fact that at some points it moves faster due to the gravitational pull from the stars, so by the time a cloud from a nebula passes, it's billions of miles away and looks more like a meteor than a planet as well as in a totally different trajectory than one would've expected!”



“Or it be the anchor...” Acrisius hushed. “Lars!” he boomed. Lars had gotten off the floor and stood attention. “Get the men together and be ready to sail by morn'n!”



“Aye aye Commodore Acrisius!” Lars responded devotedly as he dashed out the tavern. Acrisius turned around and knelt to be eye to eye with Perses.



“Now boy,” each word Acrisius whispered had a hint of rum and a demeanor of life or death, “hold onto that map, don't let it out of ye grasp, for Hades will pity you if you suffer my wrath. And, for all that is merry and good, do not let a Pokemon get hold of that map, see the map, or onto one of me decks.” Perses swallowed a hard bit of air as he nodded clearly. “Good me boy. Get some rest; we'll see ye at the docks tomorrow, no later than second sunrise.”

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“Welcome beasts!” a scratchy female voice whispered, “this ship shall either be a place of adventure and treasure to fill your crazed dreams of pirating, or it shall be a hell in which you suffer for our pleasure until our masochism runs dry-ahahaha!” a tall Salazzle chuckled.



A crew of Pokemon, mostly fighting and dark types, laughed along with slender lizard Pokemon. On board a classic metal ship with solar sails being raised high, a group of new PokePirates were being inducted for their first day in space.



Among them was a royal purple frog Pokemon with puffy, amber cheeks: colors that signified great poison. He stood proud in the middle of other Pokemon; his new comrades, pirates at last, all smirking and looking tough for each other as they set sail on their first day.



“My name is Shih, Ching Shih, and I am the Captain's first mate. Any order given by me shall be taken as a direct order form the captain so long as he is not around!” Shih looked around, fixing a red scarf with a gold star that was draped around her right shoulder. She eyed the Croagunk in the crowd and grinned.



“Some of you come from great stalk. Famous poison type pirates such as myself,” her glowing yellow eyes flashed at the Croagunk as she continued, “I hope we all can do our best to hold our family names to such esteem. Now tell me, frog, what is your name?”



The Croagunk cleared the muck from his throat as he responded, “Mica-jah, ma'm!”



“Of the Jah clan?” Shih hushed, sarcastically impressed, “like the famous Ababah 'Dart-Mouth' Jah?”



“Grandson actually,” Mica-jah boasted pompously.



“Don't be getting a big throat on you know, Mica-jah, your grandfather may be legend, but legends aren't inherited, as is example of your father.”



Mica-jah seemed to deflate as Shih continued her speech and then to give orders. The dock was in great commotion, the PokePirate's ship about to take off, when a Noibat came flittering from the town. As he approached the crew took notice to his apparent alertness.



“Captain Krok! Captain Krok!!” he gasped finally reaching the ship. Mica-jah watched as the little bat swooped and landed at the monstrous red feet of a enormous Krokorok. This Krokorok, however, was different than most others; he was tall and had a skinnier belly than most, his long snout had seen battle and part of his upper lip was missing, revealing a small line of sharp, gnarly teeth, and he sported a large, suede captain's hat with a big white feather and a black and gold coat to cover his shoulders.



“Speak, Echo,” Captain Krok growled.



“I just overheard-” Echo began, still taking pauses to suck in air, “the humans- Captain- - they're boarding- their fleet- - about to take off!”



“And? Why should we care what petty humans do?”



“Because-” Echo continued, finally breaking less in his speech, “they have a map- to wondrous treasure- - on Mundu Galdua!” The crew fell silent. Mica-jah looked around: everyone was standing where they were, wide-eyed and waiting, waiting for what Captain Krok would say.



The fabled lost treasure of Captain Cofresí? Do they really have a chance to have a go at it? And what other treasures lay on the shores of Mundu Galdua? It would be a paradise, with jewel encrusted beaches, rum filled oceans, gold capped mountains! They were just the wrong ones with the map.



“That planet's a myth, Echo, how are you so sure? Maybe they're going on a wild goose chase?” Captain Krok reasoned.



“My Captain,” Echo replied, “they have a newly graduated Earth Empire Navy Navigator in their midst! He calculated the mysterious orbit of the planet and now they're headed that way. They have a map!”



Murmuring began throughout the crew as excitement grew. Captain Krok looked to Shih to see what she thought. She took a moment before raising an eyebrow and shrugging.



“Alright,” Captain Krok bellowed so the whole crew could hear properly instead of eavesdrop like before, “we were going to go to Orion to do a bit a plundering, but this seems to be a bit more...” his lips curled over and flashed more teeth as he continued, “thrilling. Raise the sails! Haul anchor! And release the Sharpedo!”



“Aye aye Captain!” voices rang as the crew burst into a cacophony of excitement and work.



“Echo!” Captain Krok called out, “Is it the very fleet I believe you to be talking about?”



“Aye Captain,” Echo responded.



“Then we shadow the Cosmic Manta like one of it's Remora! And we attack ripely, just as they begin to coast! Today is the day the Stygian Tooth, and PokePirate Captain Krok and his crew overcome one of the galaxy's most notorious human space pirate fleet and their captain: Commodore Acrisius!”

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Perses, lost in his calculations, hadn't noticed that the Cosmic Manta, the main ship of Commodore Acrisius' fleet, had cut it's main engines and let the solar winds glide it forward through space. Items wobbled back and forth in a hypnotic wave as the shaky fake gravity troubled now and again.



Perses glanced up to view the magnificent doted sky from beyond the chamber's window: sapphires and amethysts glistened on the purple hue background of the cosmos, whole worlds and galaxies winked at him from light years away; entire civilizations, whole lives from man to Pokemon, glided by in the vast clouds and pockets of space. It was incredible how many things could fit into so much emptiness, but Perses' thoughts were interrupted as a giant, metal ship in the shape of a bullet-like fish broke into view.



The ship's side read “Remora” as it glided past and toward the front of the main ship. Perses, now having taking his fill from his small break, went back to his desk to continue his calculations on where Mundu Galdua will be when they arrive in the star system.



Suddenly, something flicked in his peripheral view. Perses looked back up and saw an odd shape morphing through the starry background. He got closer to the window and focused his eyes to finally see a ship, in the shape of a daggered tooth, painted black but speckled with whites, blues, purples, and yellows, to camouflage into the background of space. At the front of the odd ship was a rope attaching eight Sharpedo that were seemingly swimming along in space, pulling the ship sled-dog style as it cruised by.



Perses ogled at the oddity, until a flash came from the side of the ship and Perses could read the words: The Stygian Tooth.



CRASH!



Something had smashed into the upper-right of Perses into the ship. The Stygian Tooth glided closer as Perses heard men from above begin to yell and a whole heap of commotion run over the deck. Another flash of light from the foreign ship followed by another loud crash and Perses finally realized they were under attack.



Perses quickly grabbed the map and dashed out of the chamber and onto the main deck were crew members hustled to set up the cannons.



“Cannons on port side!” Commodore Acrisius commanded, “Get our other two Remora over here and protect the Cosmic Manta!”



One of the crew members threw his arms in the air with flags and waved a message to the two Remora still out in space to join their sister Remora in battle. Cannonballs whizzed passed Perses and crashed into the stern. Captain Acrisius hadn't let be the fact that his newly branded navigator was out in the open during a dogfight, essentially a sitting duck just asking to be hit and killed by a cannonball.



“Come hither, navigator!” Acrisius snarled. Perses covered his head as shrapnel came bursting by from another cannonball hit. He hurried next to the Commodore as Acrisius said, “Good-e ye got the map! Tell me, if we slingshot around this moon, will we still be on course to Andromeda? They're Sharpedo make it so they can save solar power and move faster than most other ships that cruise-e, so we need to get a boost from gravity while one of the Remora takes care of them so we can get away! Understand-e?”



“Yes, sir!” Perses replied. He held up his map and looked around him: A star off in the distance was the closest celestial body other than the moon to an extinct planet, but all to the left of them; a red nebula to the right of them, just now passing as they head between. He found where they were exactly on the star map.



“We are just a few astral miles south-z southeast of the constellation. If we dive and come up around the moon to slingshot us north-z northeast, then all we need to do is turn our sails so the solar winds take us west-y and we should-”



Something jostled in Perses' hands. Panic bolted through Perses' body and he felt like something rip from him. Commodore Acrisius' booming cry shook Perses to the core, but not as much as the fear that caused an endless pit in Perses' soul at that moment.

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The Sharpedo swam serpentine through the murky clouds of open space, tugging along the Stygian Tooth. The ship in complete silence was only broken by a few whispers of crew members passing along the plan the Captain had cooked up.



“So, grandson of Dart-Mouth,” a sinister whisper called out to Mica-jah. The Croagunk turned to see Shih eyeing him intriguingly. “You know why they called him that, right?”



“Because he was a toxic sharpshooter and was known to kill entire crews, from the railing of the ship,” Mica-jah answered proudly.



Shih seemed to have been waiting for this answer as she smirked and continued, “And do you know your father's nickname?”



Mica-jah's pride had weakened some, but he stood his ground as he replied, “No, I don't.”



“Port-side Killer. Because he tried so hard to kill the port side of ships instead of the people on them.”



They broke through the clouds as the Cosmic Manta came into view surrounded by its three Remora ships. Everything became more luminescent, including Shih's judgmental face; she had become more serious as the rival ship came more into focus.



“Let's hope you're more like your grandfather. Come to starboard with me and we'll see what you got,” Shih said as she slithered over to the edge of the ship facing the Cosmic Manta.



Near them a Machamp filled four cannons with ammo as a Monferno, a Charmeleon, a Meditite, and a Darmanitan held each cannon ready to fire. Captain Krok, not too far away, whispered in a cruel snap, “Fire!”



The four of them lit their cannons at once and a boom blasted from each end; each cannonball slammed into the main ship as the closest Remora had drifted off toward the front of the Cosmic Manta.



“Fire again!” Captain Krok roared a little louder, now that the crew of the Cosmic Manta were somewhat aware of their attacker. The cannons sounded again and this time, after they crashed, the crew of the Cosmic Manta were up in arms, loading their own cannons and aiming for the Stygian Tooth.



The battle was now in full swing. Pokemon from all around the ship clamored as cannonballs zoomed passed and crashed into the metal barrings of the space pirate ship. The Stygian Tooth glided closer to the Cosmic Manta, but not before one of its Remora got in between the two ships.



“Shih!” Captain Krok called out, “before the other Remora get here, take care of that ship!”



“Aye aye, Captain!” Shih cried back, now turning to look at Mica-jah. “Here's your chance kid. Prove you won't be as disappointing as your father.”



Mica-jah faced the Remora as it came down between the two main ships. It's cannons raised, firing their iron across space toward the Stygian Tooth. Mica-jah took a deep inhale, bubbled the poison in his gullet, and expelled a large gunk of mass over and onto the deck of the Remora.



The humans on the Remora panicked at the sight of such sludge, but they soon quieted. Mica-jah, first proud of his achievement, soon flushed and became to panic himself as he saw the crew touch the poison without pain. Soon the crew of the Remora were over being disgusted by the harmless goo and continued their fight with the Stygian Tooth.



“Shih!” Captain Krok bellowed out again, “Take care of it! Now!”



Shih wasn't focused on either the Remora, nor her Captain, but instead had stinging eyes just for Mica-jah. “Just like your father,” she sanrked, “an embarrassment to poison types.” Then she inflated her chest, craned her head upward, and vomited a massive glob of toxin onto the Remora.



It landed and splattered exactly where Mica-jah's had, but its effects were immediate. The crew that had been splashed by the attack were screaming in pain as the puddle of sludge became to bubble, eating through the metallic deck and side. Soon the glob melted though the deck and souped underneath, eventually hitting the engines and the entire ship of the Remora was too crippled to continue its fight and began to succumb to the local gravity of the moon nearby.



As the Remora fell away the Cosmic Manta was in their direct line of sight once again. The Stygian Tooth moved closer as cannonballs began hitting their mark more often. Mica-jah looked frustratingly at Shih, who smirked and began walking away. But from the corner of his eye, Mica-jah saw something incredible.



On the deck, opposite of Mica-jah, stood a dirty blond haired boy holding up a map next to their captain. Mica-jah acted quickly. He grasped onto the side of the ship tightly, lifted his head high, and shot out his elongated tongue toward the two.



Direct hit! Mica-jah recoiled his tongue, now attached to the map the boy was holding up and clasped the map to Mundu Galdua in his hand. He turned to see an astonished Shih and Captain Krok hobbling over to him with haste.



Without a word he handed the map to Captain Krok, who glanced at it sharply and, with the bellowed cry from Commodore Acrisius in the background, Captain Krok guffawed at the incredible gift Mica-jah had just bestowed on him.



The Cosmic Manta made a sharp underturn toward the moon and slingshot around toward the Andromeda constellation, leaving only the broken Remora behind to drift into the dead atmosphere of the moon and the Stygian Tooth in celebration.

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“I promise I can bake it up to you Captain!” Perses insisted. Lars was in between him and Commodore Acrisius as he swore, raging about the loss of the map.



“A kid! A child ye are! A wee tadpole from the Earth Empire Navy! How could I believe ye'd make a trip on a pirate ship!” Acrisius snarled at Perses as he pounded his fist on the deck rails.



They had been drifting, sailing through space without a proper map for a few hours now, only going off of Perses' and Acrisius' memories on how to get to the proper star.



“We were suppose to go to which one? Alpheratz? I bet we end up at Almaak! Mirach if we be lucky! We'll miss Mundu Galdua and the damn space mutants will get there first! They get me anchor, and grab all me treasure!” Acrisius swore into his beard and then shot an angry glance at Perses; his eyes, piercing as the blade that gave his his scar, bore into Perses.



“I promise, I can still navigate us there!” Perses called over Lars, “I still have all my calculations, we're on the right path, and... and” Perses in a rush to make amends blurted out something he wish he could immediately redact, “and I hear we don't want to be the first ones there anyhow!”



The look from Commodore Acrisius' face could kill a man; the anger, palpable and burning, seethed through Acrisius' face in the form of popping veins and ground teeth.



“The m-men were saying-” Perses began to explain.



“Saying what?!” Acrisius snapped.



“S-s-saying, that the nebula before where Mundu Galdua appears has some sort of monster in it, and ships usually disappear near there. So if the Stygian Tooth goes near it first, then what ever is in there will get them first and we can glide on by and be the first to reach Mundu Galdua.”



“Are ye saying,” Acrisius began, reserve, yet on the brink of eruption, “that ol' space sailor's tales are to be true and space monsters really exist-e? And are ye saying that it's a good thing ye lost the map-e, to a frog-man-e?! Get out ye landlubb'n poor excuse for a compass!”



Perses dashed out of the captain's quarters and headed back to the main chamber where he was before the attack. He sat by the desk and contemplated his calculations, waiting for the ship to reach its point in the stars; he'll just have to make sure they're staying on the correct path as much and as precise he can so they get to Alpheratz.



Many hours later, Perses, who had fallen asleep at his desk, awoke to laughter and cheers from the deck. He rushed outside to see what was so hilarious, not expecting to behold a tragedy unfolding.

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Drinks were all around as the PokePirate crew celebrated Mica-jah's wondrous feat. Captain Krok, First Mate Shih, and their navigator were busy reading the map and changing their course to find their way first to Mundu Galdua. They were entranced by the orbit such an incredible planet could take between the stars, but all the more impressed by Mica-jah and his lashing tongue.



“I think my grandmother was a Lickitung,” Mica-jah joked, as his comrades laughed and drank to the ships newest star. They had been joyous every since their battle with the Cosmic Manta and its Remoras. Mica-jah thought life would be better now that he proved his usefulness to Shih; maybe he'll get his own nickname that people will remember fondly, like Dart-Mouth, and his grandkids will be just as proud of him and he is of his.



“Red nebula!” the Toucannon on the crow's nest exclaimed. The crew partying down below, turned to the front of the ship to see them heading past a thick, red cloud. It was beautiful and deep, yet ominous on how thick the nebula was.



WHAM!



A giant tentacle landed next to the crew on the deck, petrifying most of them, including Mica-jah. The fifty foot long tentacle slither back into the nebula from where it came, but not before squirming its way around the Monferno and lifting him with ease into the red cloud.



“All hands on deck!” Captain Krok roared. The deck soon became a panic. What do people do?! What was that thing attached to?! How do you deal with a giant monster hiding in the nebula?! Except it wasn't truly hiding any more...



Mica-jah watched as the Monferno struggled to get out of the wriggling tentacle's grip, but to no avail. Soon, movement from the cloud caught Mica-jah's attention and he saw with horror that the center of the cloud was moving.



A massive beak, the size of the ship itself, opened wide, revealing a fleshy tube of teeth and saliva. The crew had all frozen as the beast opened its mouth; it paused to suck in some nebula before bellowing out a thunderous growl and roar. The tentacle then tossed the fire ape into the toothy pit and the mouth slammed shut.



Eyes dilated, veins and arteries pulsing, muscles tensing: Mica-jah was in complete panic mode.



“Shih! Spit some fire into that beast!” Captain Krok commanded. Shih lunged over the side of the ship, like before, but this time she spat a long and ferocious stream of liquid fire at the mouth of the monster, which had been opening again. The fire sprayed all over the inside of the mouth and the creature shrieked in pain.



More tentacles came from the nebula, seemingly out of nowhere, snatching up random members of the crew, smashing creates of provisions and cannonballs, destroying cannons and the rails of the ship, and entangling themselves in the reigns of the Sharpedo. The Sharpedo fought back by chewing viciously at the squishy tentacles, but the beast kept at it, breaking off a Sharpedo and tossing it into its still burning mouth.



“Captain, what do we do?!” a crew member pleaded.



“Get the hell out of here!” Captain Krok replied. He had been fighting with a tentacle, but now realized he needed to cut his losses “Blast the engines away from this thing and let's get out!”



“Captain!” Shih shouted after giving one of the tentacle's a poisonous bite, “the Sharpedo are caught in the tentacles!”



“Cut the lines! We'll go on our reserve!” Captain Krok responded.



Shih raced toward the front of the ship and spat splitting fire down at the ropes that held the Sharpedo to the ship. It was a sober sight to see as the last remaining Sharpedo fighting with gnashing jaws against the tentacles as the Stygian Tooth fled the monstrous nebula.



Not a crew member said a word as the red nebula grew smaller in the distance; the crew lost to such a terrifying creature would not be something these PokePirates would soon forget. All the more blood boiling it was when the sound that broke the silence was laughing and jeering.



The crew turned to see the Cosmic Manta nearing them from behind and above, their crew intact and mocking what had just perspired. Mica-jah glared at the ship and its two remaining Remoras as they enclosed the space between them. He glanced up at Captain Krok, who surprisingly, was smirking.



Astonished at such disregard for his own crew Mica-jah was about to speak up, but then saw that Captain Krok was not looking at the taunting Cosmic Manta, but instead passing right out of the red nebula was a turquoise planet, coming into perfect view of the Stygian Tooth.



Captain Krok revved the solar engines and began racing toward the planet. The crew on the Cosmic Manta quieted as they realized why, and soon it became a race.



Cannons were booming as the Cosmic Manta short forward, putting more obstacles in their way more likely than doing damage to the Stygian Tooth, but the Stygian Tooth was only shooting a few cannons behind them as they were more encompassed on getting to the planet first.



“Let me go and retrieve the anchor Captain, I volunteer!” Mica-jah shouted over the cannons and the ship breaking the atmosphere.



“Ahaha! You have good spirit son!” Captain Krok replied, guffawing as he steered the vessel in and out of cannon shots, “You have my blessing! Take the smaller Stygian Fang and grab that relic before one of they do! Bring it back here and we'll feast in the spirit world!”



And with that, Mica-jah hopped into a small boat with a single engine and dove down to the planet below.

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“We're hot on their tale, Captain!” one of the crew members shouted back at Commodore Acrisius.



“There going to send a man on one of their single boats! I need a man to do the same and claim that anchor as our own-e!” Acrisius cried out.



Perses, took the moment to redeem himself and he shouted back, “I'll do it my Captain!”



“Maybe a pirate more reliable?” Acrisius jabbed.



“I can do it, Captain, I promise I can do it!” Perses persisted.



Acrisius waved him on, giving him the okay. Perses, in haste, jumped onto the small, single man single engine boat and departed for the planet.

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Both arrived on the planet near each other in an open patch of land. The both got out of their ships and stared each other down, instantly recognizing each other. Perses' boiling blood for the Croagunk stealing his map, and Mica-jah's rage building as he imagined this dirty blond boy laughing at the deaths of his crew mates.



They both looked at each other for a long while, until a foreign cry rang out and jolted them both out of their staring match. The planet was different than any other either had been on before. There were enormous lime green and white clouds scattered throughout the blushing emerald sky. Rocky green mountains jetting on the horizon, only peaking out from the sea blue leaves foresting the are around them.



“miiiiiiiseeee.....” a ghostly voice called out. The pair looked at each other again, wondering if it were the other who just called out.



“miiiiisssssssssseee.....” the voice recanted. This time it was clear it was something coming from the woods. Perses began to walk toward the voice, as did Mica-jah, while both still keeping their eyes on the other.



“dhheeeeellllll....” the voice softened.



Perses sprinted into the thicket, racing to get to the source of the voice before the frog beast would. Mica-jah also began running, knowing somehow, that the voice belonged to the anchor itself! The two ran toward the voice, shoving the other, trip one another, and yelling at the either as they scoured the wood for the anchor.



Finally the two of them came to a clearing in the bizarre wood. Up upon a Romanesque column, withered and worn by the centuries, sat a metal anchor. Seaweed drifted in the nonexistent breeze, and a ship wheel attached to the hole of the anchor swayed. It sat beneath an archway that had been crumbling for many years.



“Shhhhhh.....” the anchor hushed.



CRASH!



The two looked up to the sky. A ship was in flames, falling down to the land below, exploding and crumbling as it plummeted above them. Then it disappeared behind the horizon of trees, followed by a blast and a mushroom cloud of fire and smoke. Perses took this moment and dashed at the anchor. He grabbed one of the bars with one hand and swung the other into his other hand as he continued to run.



Unknowingly he was running toward the crashed ship, but he hoped it was just one of the Remoras, or better the Stygian Tooth. As he got closer the forest around him became foggier, like a mist had surrounded him suddenly. And then, to his horror, he saw the face of a Salazzle, staring him down, a sword drawn and pointed toward him.



Perses felt a cold sweat overrun him as more Pokemon surrounded him. The fire lizard was hissing at him as he soon heard a devilish laugh come from a monstrous crocodile like beast walking toward him. He clasped onto the mysterious anchor and wished he could escape into the spirit world just at this moment.



“Shhhh....” the anchor echoed...





TO BE CONTINUED




Ready for Grading
Pokémon: Dhelmise
Category: Complex
MCR Needed: 30k-40k
Actual MCR: 34,420

WaR Prompt: Action / Space / Human and Pokémon Main, Together but Separate

 

aight, milling through the backlog! claiming this!

 

PLOT STUFF

This is an interesting start! It’s like Treasure Island meets the trials of Perseus, and there’s a lot of potential for lore that could go here, and character development, and this whole idea of characters finding something in the void that they don’t expect. It’s a tempting premise, and there’s plenty of room to add in neat additions like the types of ships they use and the different bars they visit along the way, and these are all great ways to build your story into something epic.

That being said, this particular installment felt a little lost. Even first chapters need to be more than just a prologue; there still has to be a sense that this chapter means something. As it is, you set up a bunch of open threads and send these characters off into space, but it doesn’t feel like there was a solid arc.

Juggling continuous stories is hard. Avengers, for example, feels like a self-contained entry in the MCU: we get a lot of character development from the protagonists, and there was a plot that got settled, but there’s also a lot of ties to future installments. However, when you finish the movie, you feel like there was a lesson learned, and the characters all grew from it, and the movie that you just watched actually had a purpose. By comparison, we can look at something like Avengers 2 and realize it was about 80% setup for Civil War and 20% that cool fight scene from the end.

As it is, it feels like this story has just begun—there’s tons of hints at broader character development and inter-group politics dropped, but none of them really come to fruition before you slap that “to be continued…” on the bottom.

MYTH STUFF

One thing you’ll have to consider when modelling your stories off of existing stories/myths: the cute little winks and borrowings of certain trials/character names/plot devices is a bit of a risk. The people who aren’t familiar with the myth won’t get the in-joke, and the people are familiar with the myth won’t get the tension, especially if it follows the original story closely.

Like I mentioned in our discussions of what constitutes a reboot/crossover/adaptation, the story still needs to feel like your own. Having Perses as a geeky/unpopular outcast is a neat interpretation/addition, but that aspect of his character is mostly put to the side, and the only consequence we see of that character quirk is “he’s got a starmap”, which basically directly affects the plot.

So when characters set off on a boat voyage and we’re told that there are dangerous monsters, it isn’t exactly surprising that some Scylla-esque thing appears to snatch them all away; we’ve already been exposed to the idea that this is based on other events. And there are still ways to make stories like this interesting, but the key is in developing other aspects of the story. The Lion King, for example, is almost scene-for-scene Hamlet, but TLK focuses on beautiful songs, nice visuals, and a few character tweaks to make Simba into a story of a kid growing up rather than a story of a pouty manchild causing the deaths of everyone around him. As a result, both stories can be enjoyed separately, because the adapted version of TLK has some things that the original didn’t.

Your story needs to have its own legs. Having a few clever nods to myth is fine, but if the main thrust of your story was a mix of two quest-plots that got resolved a centuries ago, it feels old already.

WORLDBUILDING/REALISM STUFF

OKAY. BIT OF A CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC COMING UP. This is a story about space pirates and a ship full of Pokémon and a treasure lost to time guided by a haunted anchor. You might think that realism isn’t necessary in the slightest. But hear me out. Having most of your story hold up to basic physics/reasoning lets you get away with bigger logical leaps in the future. If you can explain why certain things are happening in a way that a standard reader can understand, they’re much more likely to let you get away with some of the batshit crazier stuff.

All of this is a lot of words to explain why fantasy environments shouldn’t just use the “but I have dragons why should my characters walk at normal speeds” i’m looking at u s7 got card if they want the events of their story to carry weight.

So let’s bring it back to this story:

Gravitational slingshots get the short end of the stick as far as “being portrayed logically in fictional mediums” goes, and you use two in a few thousand words, so we’re gonna dig a little deeper.

So here are some examples of a gravity assist, courtesy of Wikipedia:

Note that it’s vastly oversimplified, but the gist is there: depending on all of the variables involved, a gravitational slingshot can be any shape, not just the loop in Apollo 13/Interstellar. However, there’s a ton of complexity, so it isn’t just a matter of making a left turn on an intersection, for example.

Or, like, a non-powered orbiting object (such as the magical flying planet) can execute a slingshot around a much larger gravitational body without having its own form of thrust, but only if it approaches the larger body with a parabolic trajectory, which is highly unlikely to happen by sheer chance. And, if it’s a powered body, the physics gets super hairy, especially as you start slingshotting around stars that are in turn also orbiting other things that are in turn again orbiting other things. Astrophysics is a pit. Even charting three objects in orbit with unknown initial conditions is a problem that has been unsolved for centuries, so it’s hard to believe that your MC drunkenly scribbles it on a napkin.

So we could totally handwave this all away and say that it’s the mystical Dhelmise ping-ponging around the universe and doing whatever it wants, which is totally fair, but then Perses definitely can’t drunkenly map the course on a napkin.

Okay, peeling back from astrophysics to get to some more concrete details:

SO LIKE. THIS IS REALLY COOL. This fits within the realm of belief. Corrosion is a cool ability, this is a high-ranking individual on a pirate ship, so it makes sense that she’s going to be super powerful, etc etc.

…but, as with the case when Pokémon and human worlds intersect in fanfiction, what use would she have for a sword? Salazzle have claws/teeth, and Salandit’s starting move is even Scratch, but also, what purpose would a sword have when you can spit acid that cripples a ship.

And you might have an explanation more nuanced than “but rule of cool” or “so that we know they’re pirates”, but unfortunately, that’s really all we can assume from this point.

The short version: when characters do things, or when settings have certain conditions, it often helps to ask yourself why/how—this helps make your world feel much deeper, and lets you flesh out a lot more from a little.

GRAMMAR/TECHNICAL STUFF

mmmmm so a lot of things going on here. I understand that there was a time crunch involved, but some of the typos directly obscure/change the meaning of the sentence:

Point being, the occasional typo is forgivable, but be aware that each one makes the story a little more difficult to interpret. Also, it makes your writing look messy.

SOME MORE SYSTEMIC ISSUES THAT SEEM LESS LIKE CARELESS MISTAKES:

Paragraphing—you have these big spaces between each paragraph that make your story feel really stretched out. I think you have three lines between each paragraph instead of the traditional one, so it makes reading quickly a little daunting.

“it’s” is the contraction of the words “it is”; you want the word “its”, which is the possessive form of the word “it”.

You have this on-and-off-again use of the addressing comma:

The second example, which has the addressee/Captain offset with a comma, is the correct version.

And you also do this on-and-off-again capitalizing of nouns:

When used in place of someone’s name (or as a proper noun), such as in the first and second quotes, it should be capitalized. And when used as a regular noun, such as in the third quote, it should never be capitalized.

There’s also a ton of missed commas. Sometimes you use them correctly, and sometimes you don’t use them in situations where you’d previously used them correctly, so I’m not sure if this is systemic or careless. Let me know if you want a full crash course on commas, though.

OVERALL STUFF

Your line breaks were each around 120 characters, and they started raining in pretty heavily around the end, so about 2.5% of your story is hyphens.

I think there’s a lot of potential for a good story here, but as you become a more experienced writer and start striving for higher and higher ranks, the bar gets a little higher as well. Your plots need to be coherent, original, and well-rounded; your characters need development away from the archetypes into which they originally fit; your world needs to feel like it could stand on its own. Your grammar needs to be clean, too.

As it stands, I will have to say that Dhelmise is currently not captured. I think there’s a good story in here, but you were rushed for time and didn’t have the opportunity to develop it fully. I would suggest a focus on the areas mentioned above, but as always, feel free to reach out to me for more questions/discussion!