A Shellos A Fun. {NWC} (Anyone Can Comment.)

Story For The Newbie Writing Competition.
Pokemon Attempted: Shellos.
Characters Needed: 5,000+
Characters W/o Spaces: 10,585
Characters W/ Spaces: 13,055


Thunder and lighting caused flashes of light and loud bangs all across Sinnoh. Clouds were scattered across the sky, eliminating the glare of the moon. Wind was rustling trees and bushes, causing a distinct noise to fill the land. Antony, being such a young boy, at the age of only twelve, was scared as ever. He tried to hide under the now moth-bitten, holey blanket, which he had taken when running from home. But still, he thought that even living on the rock hard, cold ground, was better then living with his parents. He remembered how he used to live, working hard on his family’s farm, being neglected from the outside world, being told what to do every moment of his life by his horrible parents. He wasn’t even allowed friends, not that he had any now, anyway. His parents never loved him, never cared for him, all he was to them, was free labour, and the only food he ever got, was the scraps from his parents. He had been a way for his parents to let their anger out too. He still had slashes of red all across his body, from a few months earlier. Some just starting to heal. His parents had never missed the chance, and I mean never, to tell him how much of an accident he was; a complete accident, from one of their little kinky adventures. The only upside of this torment, was the slight ability of being able to fend for himself, which most kids don’t develop till way after his age. The only thing he missed, was some of his dad’s old magazines. Eventually, he managed to fall asleep.

§§§​

I awoke. The storm had cleared, and the sun was starting to rise. I took a look at my surroundings, I was at the edge of a clearing in the forest, and a vibrant rainbow was formed in the sky. I could see some blueberry bushes, which will make a great breakfast. Weedle, Caterpie, and everything of the sort was climbing around in the trees. I can even see some Mankey swinging around. I don’t quite remember how long ago I had left my parents, I didn’t really care. I decided to eat some blueberries, and then I would be going on my way. I stuffed my blanket into my backpack, which contained a special flashlight, which charged by being shaken, which I had stolen from a market near my old home. I also had a compass, which I had accidently managed to break, but I was much too stubborn to throw it away. I also had a small bottle to carry water, and to refill whenever I could. Finally there were some crumbs from bread and cheese, which I had from ages ago.

I continued walking, I didn’t really keep track of time, I just looked for things that interested me, or could be eaten. It didn’t take long before I saw a piece of paper; I assumed I must be close to a town. It was lodged under a root, I managed to un lodge it, well keeping it intact, it had a few smudges of dire but other then that it was fine. It was a flier advertising the annual “Shellos Chooses You” contest from Lilypad town, and yes, I could read, it is one of the few things my parents had taught me, since it was necessary that I could read the instructions they left me. It also had a very cool logo. It was a attractive women in a bathing suit, being climbed on by some Shellos, five to be exact. I clearly noticed that the winner would receive a Shellos, as well as a 5000 poke dollars, it also stated that anyone could enter, so I guess I could too. On the flier it also said “Just north of the Eterna Forest,” I hoped Eterna Forest was this one, and I hoped I was going north.

Apparently I was, because in no time at all I had managed to leave the forest and find my way to Lilypad town. It was a small town, but the contest might have been a popular attraction, since people were scattered all over the place. There were old people, young people, short people, tall people, fat people, slim people, and of course that one horny slut. There were stalls selling novelty items, and crowded shops all over the place. I didn’t have any money, so they didn’t really interest me. In the back of the town I could see a coliseum, I moved slowly through the crowd of people toward it hoping to find the registration booth. There it was, right in front of the huge building, a large booth, with rules, registration papers, and some pens.


I picked up a rule sheet and started to read. “Rule #1. All contestants will participate in at least two challenges. Rule #2. Any people who score at least 15/20 for the two challenges combined will move on to round three. Rule #3. The person with the highest total score from all three rounds will be crowned the winner. Rule #4. Shellos available to win will be the judge of these contests; it has been trained to send the score it wishes to give, by giving a corresponding number of mud sports. Rule #5. The three challenges will be swimming first, since Shellos loves water, we believe any winner should be a good swimmer, second there will be mud dashing, in which the challengers will attempt to run through mud well being creative, and trying to make it look impressive. Finally for anyone who scores well enough, there will be a obstacle course featuring swimming and mud dashing, as well as climbing, evasion, and much more!”

I moved onto the registration sheet. I filled in everything, my name Anthony, my last name, which I made up on the spot, as Chill. My birth date of 09/08/92, and a made up address. I also filled in some extra information, such as why I think I should win, and why I want to participate in the contest, and some other fun facts. The supervisor told me that I would be contestant five.

§§§​

“Five minutes till competition start, all contestants please make your way to the entrance of the coliseum,” boomed from the intercoms. I shuffled through the crowds, making my way to the entrance, I observed my competitors, at first glance there appeared to be around nine, including myself. I appeared to be one of the two only kids, he was much better fed then me, but I had experience of the wild on my side. There were three 18-19 year old girls, who appeared to have decided to join together, they had even less clothing on them than me, considering half of mine was ripped and pulled away, that was saying a lot. Not that I’m saying I care about it or anything. There was this one old guy, who was crazy, if he can swim, or run better then me, I wouldn’t understand at all. The last three were some average looking adults, probably in there 40s. One of them is a girl, the other two being guys.

I walked into the coliseum; it’s a site to behold. From the outside, it was amazing, now I can’t even describe how stunning it is. There were gold plates signifying past winners of various events, large gargoyles spread out across the center’s wall, flags and banners all over the place too. I noticed thousands of people seating in their seats, I also noticed how nicely they dressed, and how horrible I looked compared to everything else, I guess that’s what happens when you don’t wash for two months. It was insanely large; it could have easily fitted like a hundred Snorlax! I could see that in the center of the row of seats, right across from the entrance, there’s a seat that was made from fine wood, I assumed it was for the current champion if he ever wished to watch events. I went on to look at the field in which the competition would take place. On one quarter there was a decently sized pond of sorts, it was clean, but had fish, tadpoles, lily pads and stuff like that. On another quarter, there was a huge area full of mud; it was impossible to tell how deep it went. Finally on the other side of the arena was the obstacle course, it looked like a larger scale of a playground, and I remember sneaking off to the playground near my house, which was always a lot of fun. Especially since it was a great opportunity to look up skirts, no one expects such an adorable little kid to do something so perverted. Hopefully the practice will come in handy, if I actually get that far. There were ladders, swings, a small lane of water and even a fire pole, to mention some of it. In my opinion it looked more like fun, then a challenge, but that’s just me. Of course there was also the Shellos in the middle, I could tell it was special, it was a very light blue on top, and a brownish colour on the bottom. It had pointed ears and the most adorable face ever. It carried its sluggish body with as much elegance as it possibly could.


An announcement sounded, “Charles please make your way to the swimming area.” I noticed the old guy jogging his way to the designated point. I didn’t really pay attention to anything, I was just waiting for my name to be called, as time went by, I started thinking of all the things I could do with 5000 Poke Dollars. I thought of how jealous my ‘parents’ would be, and how I could get my own place to live, and how I could get a laptop, and how I could get some whor-his thoughts were drowned out by the newest announcement, “Anthony please make your way to the swimming area.”

I ran all the way there, slipping a bit on the way, but managing to keep myself upright. There was a bit of chuckles from the stands, but it didn’t really bother me. I got to the starting point, and jumped into the water. It was freezing cold. All I needed to do, was swim across in the most appealing way possible. I started going, I did some flips, some turns, and of course some epic fail too. Finally I reached the end. I looked at the Shellos for my score. Out came one sport of mud, then a second, a third, a fourth, a fifth, a sixth, and finally a seventh! I couldn’t help laughing at this spectacle, it was mud, but there was always that childish thought of it being something much different. I went into an enclosed space to dry off, I unfortunately did not have a change of clothes, and I don’t think they’d appreciate me going out there in the nude. I decided to wait for my name to be called.

Before my name was called, I heard a commotion out side, two of the younger girls, had gotten into a fight over who was prettier, (First one to take off all there clothes is prettier right?), first they started name calling, “Tiffiny your such a bitch,” and “Beth look who’s talking.” After that Tiffiny, at least I think that’s her name, slapped Beth, you could even hear it, it must of hurt a lot. Beth jumped on Tiffiny, and they started rolling, eventually they rolled into the huge area of mud. Two scantily clothed girls, rolling around in mud, how hot is that. Eventually some of the competition officials managed to separate them, by this point all the guys in the crowd were cheering, and all the girls glaring in disgust. They were still going to be permitted to continue in the event.

So the event continued, it was finally my turn to go through the mud, it was basically a test to see, how fast you can go, and how many times you fall and cover yourself in mud. I started going, at first site I thought it was going to be easy, but I don’t think this was the smartest idea with only one change of clothing. By halfway, I was already completely covered in mud. It looked much easier then it actually is. Trust me on that. It kept sucking you into the mud, making it extremely difficult to walk and extremely easy to trip and fall. I think I did pretty well. But who knows. Shellos ended giving me eight points, giving me just enough to scrap through to the final round.

From the looks of it, only Mrs. Covered-in-mud Tiffiny and I had managed to get to this final round of the competition. She had managed to get 17 points, two more then me, so to win this I would need to score at least three more points then her. She was going first; I watched as she made her way through, she seemed to go pretty slow. After she finished I watched the Shellos send out seven sports of mud, which means to win this I would need to score a perfect ten.

I made my way to the course, and started it. First I climbed up the ladder, which still had mud on it from Tiffiny’s attempt. I then proceeded to swing across the rope into the water, which was blocked by a wall, which needed to be swung over. I swam my way through as quickly as I could, I climbed the netting to a new platform and rid down the fire pole, I then proceeded to run through the ‘spider web’s’ constructed from rope, veering in and out of the way. I then needed to jump over mud puddles; I didn’t miss jumping over a single one. Finally I managed to get to the end. I got a handshake from a girl who doesn’t know what a bra is, and from all the other officials too, but who cares about them.


Shellos was finally ready to give me score. I remembered that I needed at least ten points to score, I was feeling very nauseous, and the nervousness was building up inside of me. Shellos sent out five quick sports of mud. Then a sixth, I was getting anxious. A seventh, who knows what’ll happen. An eighth, I have a chance! A ninth, I’m so close, were tied now! These last five or so seconds were feeling like ever, whether or not Shellos would make the tenth sport of mud, so that I could win ran through my mind thousand’s of times…

A) Shellos makes another sport of mud; I win and get Shellos (and 5000 poke dollars).
B) Shellos doesn’t make another sport of mud, and I lose.​

 

Introduction: Because you asked...

Plot: A boy named Antony runs away from home in order to escape his nihilistic parents. While away, he hears about a Shellos contest. Deciding that the 5000 PokeDollars will make it easier to support himself and spite his parents. He participates in this contest, with a swimming competition and a mudrunning competition. Finally, he tries to accrue more points than another competitor to win the Shellos and the prize money.

Interesting plot for a Shellos story. Definitely a lot deeper than a story for a simple Pokemon, I'll give you that. The only thing that wasn't clear to me was why did that town have a Shellos competition? You didn't really say, but it sounded like Shellos was like the Patron Saint of the town or something like that. However, like I was telling you on AIM, it is a Shellos story, so I'm not looking for a super detailed plot line.

Length: Shellos is a Basic Pokemon, which required 5-10k. You've gone above and beyond with 13k, which is great!

Detail: Pretty detailed. I can see a lot of locales you describe in my head which is pretty good. One thing you didn't really describe is your main character. I could see all the hot chicks that he was looking at, but not Antony. Some emotional fleshing out would also be an improvement to his character. You got the emo running away down, but I'm sure that Antony has thoughts other than "I hate my parents" etc.

In terms of all the detail paid to the sexy women, awesome, awesome work. A couple sexy chicks can only improve a story. Lmfao.

Grammar/Spelling: Some of the comma use is pretty awkward.

Could be better written as...

Besides that, the 3rd Person to 1st Person is both abrupt and dissettling. You probably could have just started the story out in 1st person and been fine. Also, watch out for grammatical errors, spelling errors, and conventional errors. Beyond the comma use I mentioned above, there were a few varied errors (most likely done by accident) that I noticed, but nothing too impeding. Definitely watch out for typos and the like.

Battle: Girl vs girl. Best URPG battle ever.

Outcome: Shellos captured. Have fun with your Pokemon.

 

Thank You for Shellos Rust