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Thread: Prayers to the Sun

  1. #1
    d r e a m e r Felly's Avatar
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    Prayers to the Sun

    I don’t know if there’s anyone out there that can hear me. I don’t even know if the God my species prays to, the Sun God, Solgaleo, can hear me. If there is anyone out there that can hear me though, please come find me. Please. I need help. I feel so lost, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

    A distant howling woke the yellow and black lizard up. She jolted into a defensive stance, her eyes scanning the area for any danger that would approach. She didn’t even know when she fell asleep. All that she knew was that she did, and when she did, she was by herself in the middle of the desert.

    Of course, the feeling of being alone wasn’t anything new to her. She had been alone for… a while now. She lost track of how many days it had been since she had been separated from her family and friends.

    The tornado that swept her off the ground violently spun her around as she screamed for help. No one heard her cries. No one. All she wanted was for someone to hear her cries and help her. She could hear the cries of her family and friends. Surely they could hear hers too!

    She wasn’t sure what happened next. Everything turned black, and the last thing she really remembered was screaming for help as the tornado spun her around.


    She sighed as she let down her guard. There was nothing in her immediate area that would bring harm to her. Every day, she prayed for this loneliness to go away. Every day, she prayed that the Sun God, Solgaleo, would bring her family and friends back to her. For as long as her species could remember, Solgaleo was their God, and he didn’t hesitate in helping his people.

    Yet he hesitated now.

    Did her family and friends need more help than she did? They all had each other. They would all be able to mourn her loss and support each other. She had no one, not even Solgaleo.

    She knew there was a shrine somewhere in this vast desert that was dedicated to Solgaleo. If she could get there, maybe Solgaleo would hear her prayers. Maybe Solgaleo would be able to bring her family and friends back to her and all would be well again.

    The Sun God does not just grant wishes. The Sun God does not just make dreams come true. Those that receive the Sun God’s help are strong Pokemon that have had a brief loss in perseverance. Those that are weak and receive the Sun God’s help, they too become strong Pokemon. The Sun God believes all are worthy of help so long as they earn it. In the face of trouble, the Sun God will be there for you.

    She read the sign outside of the shrine over and over again. She had earned the Sun God’s help, hadn’t she? She had prayed every day when she was with her family and friends, and ever since she had been separated from them, she still prayed every day, sometimes even two or three times a day. Nowadays, she prayed when she felt weak, when she needed a burst of strength to go on. Whether or not it was Solgaleo that helped her go on, she found herself continuing to push forward to the shrine she desired to find so much, even when she felt like continuing would be pointless and she should just leave herself to the Pokemon of the desert to hunt her down and eat her alive.

    With the help of Solgaleo, she found his shrine. A sign had been posted just outside the door; the gold plating and the deep red lettering were beautiful. She had never seen anything like it before. Not many found this shrine; it was said to only appear to those who truly needed it because they were losing their faith in the god Solgaleo.

    She slowly walked into the shrine. She was careful with each step that she took, lest there be someone there waiting for her or any sort of traps there designed to keep out intruders. She doubted any of that was the case, but she wanted to be safe rather than sorry.

    When she stepped into the room where the statue of Solgaleo was, her eyes widened. It was a magnificent statue, yet it looked so real at the same time. The white fur that made up the legend’s body shined in the light the torches of the room gave off. She timidly walked up to it so that she could place one of her webbed feet onto it, but a booming voice stopped her in her tracks.

    “Halt, Helioptile!”

    The statue moved, and the Helioptile’s eyes widened. He stepped off of his pedestal and then laid down on the ground. He wasn’t anywhere near Helioptile’s level because he was a massive legendary beast while she was a little lizard-like Pokemon.

    “I am Solgaleo, the Sun God,” the beast replied, his voice much quieter this time. “What is your name, little one?”

    “My name…” she said quietly. Her voice cracked. It had been so long since she had used it. “My name is Bella.”

    “Bella,” Solgaleo repeated. “What brings you to my shrine, little one?”

    Bella hesitated. She had prayed to this God numerous times, even received his blessing, yet here she stood before him, hesitating to speak. Things were a lot different when you were standing in front of the god you prayed to.

    “I wanted your help,” Bella finally said. “I was separated from my family and friends when a desert storm hit and a tornado swept me off my feet. I don’t know where I landed, but it wasn’t near any of them.”

    “Mama!” she cried out. “Papa!”

    No response.

    “Hayley!”

    Still no response.

    “Lucas!” she shouted. “Patrick!”

    Nothing. No matter whose name she cried out, no one responded to her. There was nobody here. She cried and cried, shouting names until her body could take no more and she fell asleep.


    “I’m afraid I don’t know where your family is, Bella,” the god replied.

    “What do you mean you don’t know where my family is?” Bella shouted. Her eyes stung with tears, but there was a fire in her blue eyes. You’re a god! You should know where they are!”

    “I’m afraid I don’t,” Solgaleo replied. “But I can help you.”

    “How?” Bella screamed. “How? I have no family, I have no friends! I’m alone in this world! I want my family and friends here now! Just make them show up!”

    “I can’t do that.”

    “Then make new friends show up! Right here, right now!”

    “I’m afraid I can’t do that either.”

    “Then what can you do?” Bella shouted. “You’re supposed to be a god!”

    “Forcing someone to be your friend won’t do you any good, dear Bella. You cannot get friends by magically making them appear and forcing them to become your friend, it doesn’t work that way,” the god replied. “You have to find friends naturally. You cannot be reliant on them either, you have to learn to thrive on your own and through that, you’ll find companions.”

    Bella stared at the Solgaleo for a moment, her eyes sparkling from the tears that didn’t dare fall in front of this lion. Learn to thrive on her own? She already knew how to do that. She’d made it this far without anyone by her side. Couldn’t this so called “god” see that?

    She huffed. “You’re useless,” she said. “Useless. I’ll just go and find them on my own. I don’t need some stupid god to help me do it.”

    And with that, she turned and left the shrine. Back outside, she looked at the sign that was posted outside again.

    The Sun God does not just grant wishes. The Sun God does not just make dreams come true. Those that receive the Sun God’s help are strong Pokemon that have had a brief loss in perseverance. Those that are weak and receive the Sun God’s help, they too become strong Pokemon. The Sun God believes all are worthy of help so long as they earn it. In the face of trouble, the Sun God will be there for you.

    Wasn’t she a strong Helioptile? She had lost all her family and friends because of that desert storm that swept her away and abandoned her in the middle of nowhere all by herself. She had persevered through all of that by herself! She even found Solgaleo’s shrine by herself! Hadn’t Bella earned Solgaleo’s help?

    She scoffed and walked away. Solgaleo was a joke.

    ~~

    Bella sighed. Three months had passed since she saw Solgaleo. She was still mad at him for being useless, but his words rang in her mind.

    “Forcing someone to be your friend won’t do you any good, dear Bella. You cannot get friends by magically making them appear and forcing them to become your friend, it doesn’t work that way. You have to find friends naturally. You cannot be reliant on them either, you have to learn to thrive on your own and through that, you’ll find companions.”

    She sighed again. ‘What does that even mean?’ she asked herself as she roamed through the desert. Bella had grown a bit over the course of the past three months. While she wasn’t quite ready to evolve into a Heliolisk like her mother and father, she felt bigger and stronger. All this time without her friends and family had really taught her how to care for herself without the help of anyone else.

    Bella paused. She couldn’t force someone to be her friend, that much was true. Hayley, Lucas, and Patrick were her friends because they chose to be. She didn’t force them to be friends with her. They all just became friends naturally.

    ‘Okay, well, that’s one piece of the puzzle solved, I guess,’ she told herself as she laid near a small oasis. Even without the shade of a tree, the temperature was significantly cooler here. The Sun God’s words kept playing over and over in the back of her mind as she tried to focus on what he meant. ‘Thriving on my own? Not being reliant on people? I’ve never been like that, have I?’

    Of course she hadn’t been reliant on people. If she’d been reliant on people, she wouldn’t have had Hayley, Lucas, or Patrick. She would have been alone. She wouldn’t be thriving. If anything, she relied on her parents, but she was a child. Of course she would be relying on her parents.

    Solgaleo was a silly god. He clearly had no idea what he was talking about.

    ~~

    Another month of being alone. Bella sighed. She hated being alone. She was an active, friendly Helioptile. She needed friendship and other Pokemon. How was she supposed to live in this world when she was alone?

    A loud roar made her jump. The sun had set beyond the horizon of the desert, and she was trying to find a safe place to sleep. Bella had found herself sleeping with one eye open lately, and her small, lizard-like body was starting to feel the effects of it. Despite her tired body wanting nothing more than to be able to lay down, she kept walking, hoping that whatever it was that was roaring wouldn’t catch up to her.

    Eventually, her body could take no more walking, and she fell to the ground with a huff. She allowed her eyes to close, but another loud roar made them fly back open. Bella was struggling to get her body to move when something struck her and sent her rolling.

    Her eyes fixated on a large beast. Sand swirled around his feet, and his body towered over Bella’s. She recognized the beast as a Krookodile. This wasn’t her first encounter with one; she’d seen them from afar back when she was with her family and friends. If there was one thing she’d learned from those encounters, it was to not make a Krookodile mad. Bella wasn’t sure what she’d done, but this Krookodile was mad at her and she was terrified.

    Adrenaline pulsed through her body, and it was the adrenaline that allowed her to run through the desert. The Krookodile chased after her, and for once, Bella was thankful that she was a small lizard.

    Still, her body was tired, and she could only elude the Krookodile for so long. Her small legs gave out on her, and she tumbled in the sand for a moment. Bella groaned. This was it. Her worst fears were coming true right before her eyes. Krookodile had always terrified her, and she always tried to avoid run ins with them.

    The Krookodile loomed over her now. Laying in the sand in his shadow felt nice. The desert was still hot even at night, and while Bella normally didn’t mind the heat, she still found herself grateful that she would at least die in cooler temperatures.

    “Krook!” the beast cried out. Bella looked up; he had stumbled backwards. Something had struck him, but it didn’t seem to do much other than scare him away from her.

    Still though, that was her time to run, and run she did.

    She didn’t have to run far though. Familiar faces had started to make their way towards her. Hayley and Patrick and Lucas… her parents, they were all there, waiting to defend her. The other Helioptile and Heliolisk were there too. Everyone had come to defend her.

    In the face of trouble, the Sun God will be there for you.

    Solgaleo was there for her. All she needed was to find some trouble, and all of her problems would have been solved a lot sooner. If she had known that, she would have just ran into a Krookodile nest (or whatever it was Krookodile called their hordes) and gotten herself into trouble that way.

    Her family and friends had scared off the Krookodile, and they were all cheering because Bella had finally been reunited with them. She wasn’t quite sure what had happened next though because once she was lifted into the air by the Heliolisk of their group, she fell asleep.

    Pokemon: Heliolisk {Medium, 10-20k}
    Character Count: 12783
    Author’s Note: Not 100% sure on the capitalization of god in this story. I’m not overly religious, so that’s one of the things I’m uncertain about. Nevertheless, I wanted to go out of my comfort zone here with this story, so this is a little outside of what I do traditionally. This is also a story deal for Xali because he wanted a Helioptile, and I like getting easy money for EMs. I also posted this on FF.net, so hopefully we get some new faces!!!

  2. #2
    I'm claiming this too, AHAHAHAHAHA.


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  4. #3
    Story

    Bella the Helioptile, or as she should be called "Bad Luck Bella", had a run-in with a tornado and is wandering through the desert in search of her family. Out of desperation, she seeks Solgaleo, her deity, for help. While nothing particularly eventful happened in this story, I realized it is more of an internal journey for Helioptile. She had to discover to rely on herself in order to unravel the guidance of the sun Pokemon. I think it was a great idea to focus on character development for this story; it is certainly atypical from the usual plot-driven scenarios. It probably was a neat exercise for you as well, eh?

    Most everything that happened was inside Bella's own head. She had a lot of personal conflict, and a clear rebellious attitude towards her deity. I have to admit that I'm a bit confused about the reasoning behind Solgaleo's methods. I gathered that he only provides assistance when the situation is dire and the Pokemon are in of most need, but the bit about "all are worthy as long as they earn it" never seemed to apply. In fact, Helioptile almost did the exact opposite of this; she was disobedient to Solgaleo, and mocked him in her thoughts. Nothing of note happened between the time when she sought him out and the moment when he finally assisted her. There was no obvious mental revaluation, just the immanent danger of Krookodile. This leads me to believe that the god only helps when you are literally about to die. By "earning it" does he mean you have to be suicidal? Haha, he be trippin' balls. This lesson could have used a little more fleshing out at the end to help explain this. But regardless, it's not a big enough issue for me to cry about it. Gods in Greek/Roman mythology were all PoliWACK as well.

    I think this story could have used some more action or a more literal sequence of events, but that's pretty much all personal taste. It's still an interesting read and a neat alternative to have Helioptile make a mostly mental and internal journey.

    Grammar

    Pretty good stuff. I only noticed a couple of typos and this:

    ‘Okay, well, that’s one piece of the puzzle solved, I guess,’ she told herself as she laid near a small oasis.
    This used to be my nemesis, THE BATTLE OF LAY VS LIE. The English language is ridiculous sometimes. -To "lay" requires an object. You can lay a cup on a table, or lay a baby in bed. -To "lie" requires no object. You can lie down, but you cannot lie a cup anywhere. HERE'S WHERE THINGS GET DUMB: The past tense of "lie" is "LAY". So in this quote, it should read '...as she lay near a small oasis.'


    Isn't this silly?


    In regards to your capitalization of 'God' conundrum, the answer is both. :D In terms of Christianity, God is capitalized at all times. This is mainly because it is a name/proper noun here. However, they typically even capitalize reference pronouns as well, like 'He' and Him' as a sign of respect. As for mythologies, like what you've written, it does not need to be capitalized. It's all dependent on whether it is being used as a proper or common noun. Solgaleo is his name (proper noun), and he is a god (common noun). Example: Two gods of Olympus are Zeus and Hera.


    Detail

    Yo, your descriptions were good, but this story coulda really used some more visual detail. By this, I mean that almost all of this text was action-based. (She did this. She went there. She thought that.) There was little to no description of sights/sounds/colors/etc. What did Krookodile look like? Was he red/blue/green? Was he large are small? Was he spiky, smooth, or fluffy? DID HE SMELL BAD? Assume your reader has never heard of Pokemon before. Describe everything. It doesn't have to be (and shouldn't be) all at once, but throwing in some great adjectives as you tell your story will really help paint an awesome picture.

    Climax

    Bella is about to be gator bait, but then the cavalry comes. I was a bit concerned for that poke, and I'm glad she survived. It seemed everything tied up for her here. She encountered one of her biggest fears, understood Solgaleo's message, and was reunited with her family. I thought the battle was a bit too short and could have used some more angst and length, but this is also a short story so it still worked. You brought the tale to a peak and finished with a resolution - that's all we need. Basic, but efficient. PROPS. Good job.

    Tip for next time: Be careful about making your conflict too easy. I have a hard time visualizing a giant crocodile being scared off by a single rock being thrown at it. If anything, it would most likely just make an animal like that more angry. Seek 'thrill' in writing. It can be literal or figurative, that is up to you.

    Outcome

    Pokemon: Heliolisk {Medium, 10-20k}
    Character Count: 12783
    I'm assuming this is a typo, and you mean Helioptile - because Heliolisk is Complex and wasn't really in this fic. :x

    I think this story is just dandy for that little lizard thing at Medium. You were solid in every category (but help the details! D:) and it's within recommended range. So...Helioptile captured! Stay in school, don't do drugs, and remember to eat your vegetables.
    Last edited by EmBreon; 08-25-2016 at 01:13 PM.

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